valentine's day Archives

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[Lube, Cosmetics & Massage Products Review] Bijoux Indiscrets Bubblegum Play Kit

Published on February 7, 2024April 11, 2025 by Amy

One of the fun things about being both a femme and a sex blogger at this time of year is seeing all the sweet, cutesy, pink-and-hearts-and-flowers themed products that companies are putting out for Valentine’s Day. Bijoux Indiscrets were kind enough to send me this year’s Valentine’s offering from their range: the Bubblegum Play Kit.

Bijoux Indiscrets Bubblegum Play Kit

The Bubblegum Play Kit contains three products: a warming massage oil, a full-body massage gel that doubles as a water-based lube, and a lipgloss. Each one is scented and flavoured like bubblegum. All three products, like everything in Bijoux’s range, are vegan.

The kit came packaged in a cute pink box with a heart on the front, much like the packaging you might get on a gift set of cosmetics or bath products. The overall effect, like the products themselves, is sweet to the point of saccharine. But how did the contents stack up? Let’s take a closer look at each item.

Warming Massage Oil

This isn’t really an oil in the true sense of the word. As far as I can tell, it doesn’t actually contain any oil at all. It’s really a water-based gel that warms as you massage it in. Still, we’ll call it “massage oil” to distinguish it from the other massage product in this kit.

For me, it takes about a minute to feel the massage oil warming on my skin. You’ll get a more intense warming sensation if you blow gently on it.

I found that it didn’t really blend or get fully absorbed into the skin the way some massage oils do. Instead, it tends to linger on the surface. This can be a good thing, as a little bit goes a long way and there’s no need to keep reapplying it. However, it can also be a problem if you don’t enjoy the feeling of having oil or gel lingering on your skin.

This is by far the nicest tasting of the three products. It’s very, very, very sweet, so you’ll want to know that going on. That sweetness is likely due to its first ingredient: glycerin. Due to the glycerin, I found that my hands and skin felt quite sticky after using it and I wanted to wash it off.

Stickiness aside, though, this is a fine massage gel and the sweet bubblegum taste and pink aesthetic gives it a fun and playful vibe.

You can buy this gel separately for €22. It’s also available in caramel & sea salt and strawberry & honey flavours.

Full Body Massage Gel/Lube

Bijoux Indiscrets bubblegum massage gel/lube

According to Bijoux Indiscrets, this water-based massage gel can double up as an intimate lubricant. It has quite a long list of ingredients, so you’ll want to review it carefully to make sure there’s nothing you’re sensitive to.

I can’t see anything alarming in the ingredients, but I’m also not enough of an expert to declare them all definitely fine. At the very least this gel/lube contains no glycerin or parabens, though it does contain “Aroma” (artificial fragrance/flavour) which is not very specific and can include any number of things.

I do quite like the feeling of this one. It’s somewhere between a thick liquid and a thin gel, and it spreads across the skin nicely and lasts well. However, unlike the massage oil, this gel tastes really unpleasant to me. Instead of sweetness, it’s got a horrible chemical-y taste. I’m quite sensitive to artificial sweeteners and I can really, really taste them in this.

I probably won’t finish this one, honestly. I’m “meh” on flavoured lubes at best to begin with and this isn’t a nice tasting one.

Oral Pleasure Lip Gloss

This lip gloss is more subtly flavoured than the other two products in the set, but still has a distinctive bubblegum flavour. It’s not quite as sweet as the massage oil (which is probably a good thing for a product that goes directly on your mouth!)

After you apply it, you start getting a tingling sensation thanks to the peppermint oil it contains. I think, based on the name, the idea is that you put it on and then perform oral sex with it. I haven’t had the opportunity to try that but I did try putting a bit on my vulva, just to see what the effect would be. It gave a kinda pleasurable tingly, warming feeling a bit like a warming lube or menthol pleasure balm. So that effect might translate if you used it during oral?

The warming and tingling is really noticeable on my lips, to the point that it becomes uncomfortable if I use too much. You really only need a little bit of this one.

This lipgloss lasts well and gives a nice glossy shine. It’s a little sticky, which wasn’t a problem once it was on but made applying it with my fingers annoying. A brush or wand would be better than the pump top bottle.

Verdict

I generally liked two out of the three products in this kit and will definitely finish them. However, at €60 it’s pretty pricey for what it is. For that reason I don’t think I’d buy it again.

If you have a femme in your life who really likes pink things and bubblegum, though, it could be a cute and sensual Valentine’s Day gift.

Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me this product to review! All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Womanizer Next

Published on February 5, 2024September 2, 2024 by Amy

Can you believe it’s 10 years since Womanizer released their first Pleasure Air clitoral stimulator into the world? That product brought a whole new category of sex toys into popular consciousness and launched a thousand copycats. To celebrate 10 years, the company has released their latest offering: the Womanizer Next.

How does it stack up? Let’s take a look, shall we?

Womanizer Next Clitoral Suction Stimulator: What’s New?

The Womanizer Next is the latest in Womanizer’s long line of clitoral suction stimulators based on their patented “Pleasure Air” technology. If you’re not familiar with this type of toy, they feature a nozzle that goes over your clit and then stimulates it with rapid air pulses.

The Womanizer Next comes in sleek and sexy packaging that adds to the overall luxury vibe of the product. In the box you’ll find the toy, the charging cable, a storage bag, a spare nozzle, and an instruction leaflet.

This toy is rechargeable with a full charge taking around 2 hours and giving you about the same in battery life. It’s also IPX7 waterproof (submersible in up to 1 metre of water).

At first glance, the Womanizer Next and Womanizer Premium bear a strong resemblance. They also retail for a similar price: £179.99/$199 for the Premium and £189.99/$219 for the Next. But what’s special about the Next and how is it similar and different from the Premium?

Womanizer Premium and Womanizer Next — The Womanizer Next (right) with the Womanizer Premium

Womanizer Next vs. Premium: Similarities

The two toys are the same basic shape, design, and interface, though the Next is slightly larger than the Premium.
Both feature a soft, silicone-coated body and body-safe silicone interchangeable nozzles.
Both offer 14 intensity settings.
Both come with Smart Silence technology (which means the toy will only operate when it’s in close contact with the body) and an Autopilot mode which guides you through a pre-set sequence of stimulation levels.

Womanizer Next vs. Premium: Differences

This is where things get interesting! The Womanizer Next offers an array of new features alongside those old favourites from the Premium.

The latest technology enhancement, 3D Pleasure Air, allows you to control not only the speed/intensity of the suction but also the “depth.” With 14 intensity settings and 3 depth settings – controlled by a separate button – it’s highly customisable.
The “Afterglow” function allows you to immediately switch to the lowest setting after orgasm.
The new, redesigned motor provides slower pulses than previous Womanizer toys and a “linear, up-and-down movement”. Supposedly this provides a more realistic sensation that more closely mimics oral sex (which… we’ll pick apart later.)

Overall, if you’re choosing between the two products, I’d advise you to go for the Next. You’re only paying £10/$20 more, and you get several great new features for that small price difference.

The Next also comes in two new colourways, Sage and Dark Purple, as well as black.

Womanizer Next: Pros

I had high expectations for the Womanizer Next. I’ve tried many Womanizer products over the years and, despite some occasional missteps, there have been far more hits than misses.

So what were the best things about this one?

That depth function! It’s perfect for ramping things up just at the moment when you need a tiny bit more. Each of the three depth settings feels noticeably different on all the toy’s speeds.
The Afterglow feature is genuinely brilliant. Many people, including me, find that their clit gets over-sensitive immediately after orgasm. Being able to switch to the lowest setting and continue enjoying a level of stimulation that’s comfortable is a game-changer.
The two nozzles provided are slightly different sizes, making the toy suitable for more bodies. The slightly larger one works best for me.
I love the slower air pulses, which give a gentler level of stimulation to start with. Great for warm-up or just for high sensitivity days.
I can easily use it hands-free just by kinda holding it between my thighs. This is unusual, but suction toys often work best for me with my legs closed rather than spread. I suspect it’s because so much of the focus is on the head of the clit and this position kinda brings everything closer together.
The Smart Silence feature isn’t particularly useful to me – I share a house with a partner who knows all about my masturbation habits! – but may be highly useful to those who need to be more discreet.
The button placement is intuitive and the interface is simple to use despite the toy’s many features.
It works beautifully in water, creating a kind of “swirling” feeling that is absolutely divine.
Most importantly, this thing got me off hard and fast. I’ll say this for Womanizer: they’re reliable when it comes to inducing leg-shaking, sheet-soaking, neighbour-scaring orgasms.

Womanizer Next: Downsides

With all of those great things said, was there anything I didn’t like about the Womanizer Next?

I still can’t say I see the point of the Autopilot feature. I guess it’s a little more like receiving stimulation from a partner because the toy changes intensity without input from you? However, unlike a partner, the toy cannot respond to your reactions so the changes are essentially random. And if it shifts down at the wrong moment, that seems like a recipe for ruined orgasms and frustration. (Of course, that might be your kink. In which case have fun.)
The buttons are not as clicky or easy to press as on previous Womanizer models.
I’m annoyed by the “designed for multiple orgasms” marketing. Not everyone can have multiples! Not everyone WANTS to have multiples! Stop being prescriptive. This is less egregious than “orgasm guaranteed” but it’s still… not great.
It is not, despite the packaging and product listing’s claims, “noiseless.” Yes, it’s very quiet on the lower settings. However, on the higher settings (and particularly once the top depth settings get involved) I would say it’s average-to-loud.

No, It Still Doesn’t Feel Like Cunnilingus

I’m calling it: it is not possible, with the technology we currently have available, to design a sex toy that accurately and realistically replicates the feeling of receiving cunnilingus.

Yes, using a clit sucker is much closer to cunnilingus than other forms of stimulation (e.g. masturbation with fingers or vibrators.) It kinda sorta resembles the “sucking” motion that a partner might make on your clit. It’s the closest way for me to scratch that particular itch if I’m craving cunnilingus and do not have a willing partner available. However, it cannot replicate the warmth, wetness, or overall feel of a mouth.

I really wish companies would stop marketing toys in this way, because it just feeds unrealistic expectations. This is a great product, but it is not in any meaningful way an “oral sex simulator.” I am sure such a thing will exist one day, but it doesn’t yet.

Verdict

The Womanizer Next is, like many of its predecessors, seriously pricey. However, it does offer a lot of bang for your buck (so to speak) in terms of features, functionality, and effectiveness. It’s a great next generation of an already excellent product and a worthy celebration of Womanizer’s 10th anniversary!

The Womanizer Next is available from Lovehoney UK* and Lovehoney US*, and of course Womanizer themselves.

[*] Use code AFF-COFFKINK10 to get 10% off

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product, which features in their top sex toys for Valentine’s Day! Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are, as always, mine.

Header image for ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator review

[Toy Review] ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

Published on January 29, 2024April 30, 2024 by Amy

ROMP is a toy brand owned by WOW Tech, the parent company behind brands such as Womanizer, We-Vibe, Pjur, and Arcwave. ROMP toys have a fun, playful aesthetic and come in a range of bright, popping colours. I received the ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator (US link) which features in Lovehoney’s top picks for Valentine’s Day, to test.

ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

The ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator measures 4″ in total length and looks like, well, a tube of lipstick (or other makeup product such as mascara.) It wouldn’t look at all out of place in my makeup bag.

The ROMP Lipstick is a clitoral suction stimulator that – like the thousands of other toys in this category now on the market – uses a nozzle opening and rapid pulses of air to provide “touchless” stimulation to the clit. The toy’s body is made of hard plastic, and its nozzle is made of body-safe silicone.

This toy is rechargeable. A full charge (2 hours) gives you around 60 minutes of use on the top setting. It’s also IPX7 waterproof, i.e. submersible in water up to 1 metre for up to 30 minutes.

Things I Like About the ROMP Lipstick

Before I start complaining about all the issues with the ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator, let’s talk about the things I did like!

The look. In general, I’m “meh” about the concept of sex toys that are deliberately designed not to look like sex toys. But the aesthetic of this one is cute and fun enough that it gets away with it.
It’s small, light, and comfortable to hold.
The button placement is sensible (on the base of the toy) and the button itself is clicky and easy to press.
It has 7 evenly-graded power settings, which is reasonable for a toy at this price point.
It’s pretty quiet, especially when the nozzle is against the body.

That’s about it, I’m afraid.

Anything I Don’t Like?

Ugh. Where do I begin? I really wanted to love this product, because I was drawn to its bright colours and cute design. Unfortunately, I have far more negative than positive to say about the ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator. Namely…

The nozzle is too small! I don’t have a particularly large clit, but I couldn’t even get this thing to enclose it all. The nozzle opening is a tiny 1cm in diameter. If your clit is anything but quite small, I think you’ll struggle with this one.
The suction mechanism is – how do I put this nicely? – absolute crap. I didn’t get any of the lovely fluttering sensations that I get from good clit suction toys. Instead, it just felt like a particularly weak and buzzy vibrator.
The button isn’t always responsive. About 10-20% of the time, I have to press it twice to get the setting to change.
For a toy at this price-point, a one-button interface (meaning you have to scroll through all the settings to go backwards) really isn’t good enough.
It’s far too expensive. £49.99/$59.99 is a reasonable price for a mid-range toy, but feels like a rip-off for something as disappointing as this.

Worst of all is that I knew within two minutes that this thing was never going to get me off. Even with warm-up and some hot content to read, there was just absolutely no way. To be honest, even when I was turned on and my clit was sensitive and ready to go, this toy didn’t even feel particularly good. If “did not give me an orgasm” is a damning statement to make about a sex toy, “did not even feel good” is pretty unforgiveable.

A final and possibly petty gripe: the packaging tells me I can “cancel my next booty call”. This is an immediate ugh from me because I do not think we should be comparing toys to human partners or framing them as replacements, even in jest. It’s also just ridiculously inaccurate considering the speed with which I threw this thing across the room and reached for something effective to finish the job.

Verdict

The ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator is, all things considered, tremendously disappointing. Its nozzle is too small, its suction functionality is lacklustre, and there is simply no universe in which it will ever make me cum.

Sadly, I’m chalking this one up as overpriced and underwhelming. Especially because you can get far better clitoral suction toys for the same price (or even less!) Skip it.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post. Using them sends a small commission my way at no extra cost to you!

Header image for Hearts Grind Ring review

[Toy Review] Godemiche Grind Ring “Hearts”

Published on February 14, 2022April 11, 2025 by Amy

Happy Valentine’s Day, loves!

I’m big into showing my love all year round, rather than because it’s a particular date. But with that said, my hopelessly romantic self can’t help but kind of love Valentine’s Day. Any excuse to be adorably in love, right? My nesting partner and I have a tradition of celebrating on the 15th (when the restaurants are quiet and the sushi is cheap!) So today I’ve decided to mark the day in two ways: I’m wearing my “DM Me” heart tights from Snag, and I’m bringing you a review of Godemiche’s new Grind Ring texture, “Hearts”.

What is a Grind Ring and how do you use it?

If you’re new here, you may have missed my previous reviews (part 1 and part 2) of the Grind Ring collection. In Godemiche’s own words:

The Grind Ring is a soft textured piece of body safe silicone that’s shaped like a pizza slice with a bulge for grinding, dare we say it, it’s also more enjoyable then a pizza slice too and way fucking dirtier.

They measure 6 inches in length and 4.3 inches across at the widest point, and feature a stretchy hole for a penis or dildo to fit through at the base.

There are currently six textures available, of which Hearts is the newest addition. I knew I wanted my Hearts Grind Ring in a Valentine’s-themed colour, so I opted for Ruby Rose. It’s a gorgeous and shimmery red/pink, and on the flat back side of the toy you get a beautiful marbling, swirling effect. Here’s what it looks like:

Godemiche Hearts Grind Ring, Valentine's Day sex toy

Back of Godemiche Hearts Grind Ring, Valentine's Day sex toy for women and people with clits

The intended purpose of a Grind Ring is to wear it around the penis or dildo during penetrative sex with someone with a clitoris, so that the receptive partner can grind against it and enjoy additional clitoral stimulation (which, as we know, is essential to reach orgasm for a significant majority of cis women and other people with vulvas).

However, as I’ve discovered, there are numerous other ways to enjoy this toy. While it’s certainly fun to use during P-in-V sex with my partner, I actually mostly use my Grind Rings by placing them on a firm surface (my desk chair is ideal) and grinding against it from a seated position. I also regularly use them as an accessory for hand sex, as that allows me to feel all the lovely texture while having finer control over the pressure and angle. Other good options include using it with a dildo for solo sex, or placing it over the head of a powerful wand vibrator.

As always, the only “right” way to use a toy is the way that feels right for you.

Texture: Hearts

So the Hearts Grind Ring is obviously cute as fuck. But how does it feel in use? I had a feeling I was going to get along well with this one as soon as I saw it, and I wasn’t disappointed. The hearts are sufficiently raised to provide a unique, and moderately intense, sensation. For a point of comparison, I’d describe the Hearts texture as less intense than the Spikes texture but more intense than the Waves or Bumps.

Due to the shape of the hearts, I find this Grind Ring is more intense on the downward motion than on the upward motion. The smooth silicone, coupled with the deeply ridged texture, is divine when paired with tonnes of lube. Of all the Grind Ring textures I’ve now tried, the Hearts is the one that gets me off the most quickly and the most consistently.

I’d recommend this one to people who enjoy firm pressure with their clitoral stimulation. It’s as functional as it is pretty and I’m a little bit in love.

Pro tip: I like to put a little clitoral balm on the toy itself for added intensity.

Godemiche Hearts Grind Ring with Lovehoney clitoral balm — Pictured with Lovehoney Ignite Pleasure Balm.

Verdict

Definitely a toy that’s not just for Valentine’s Day! I just received my Hearts Grind Ring a few days ago and it’s fast becoming an absolute favourite.

You know what else I love about these toys? Apart from the fact that they feel amazing, that is. As far as I can tell, there really isn’t anything else quite like this on the market. Genuine innovation is pretty rare in this industry, where copycat products and occasionally blatant design stealing are rampant. And oftentimes, when a sex toy is original in design, it’s also… kind of terrible. So to come across something that’s both actually innovative and actually good is a breath of fresh air.

The Hearts Grind Ring starts from £39.99. Get one for yourself or your favourite clit owner. You won’t regret it.

Thanks to Godemiche for sending me this product to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. Buying through my links helps to keep the blog going at no additional cost to you. All views, as always, are mine.

Header image for Lovehoney Lotus embroidered black chemise set review

[Lingerie Review] Lovehoney Lotus Embroidered Black Chemise Set

Published on February 6, 2022April 15, 2025 by Amy

I was really spoiled for choice with this year’s Lovehoney Valentine’s Day lingerie offerings; between the flirty red Tiger Lily range, the sophisticated blue Orchid range, and now the classic and sexy black Lotus range including this gorgeous embroidered chemise, there were so many beautiful things to pick from. I decided to branch out and try something I wouldn’t normally pick up – namely the Lotus Embroidered Black Chemise Set.

“Lotus” Take a Closer Look

This Lovehoney chemise set comes with two pieces: the chemise itself and a matching thong. The embroidered chemise features wired quarter cups, bra-style back clasp and straps, and removeable panels to cover your nipples. Its waistband and removeable panels are made of beautiful semi see-through lace with floral embroidery, and the skirt is made of a soft and swishy polyester/elastane blend. The matching thong features a sexy lace panel at the front and a 100% cotton gusset.

Lotus Embroidered Black Chemise from Lovehoney Valentine's Day lingerie

Black lingerie never goes out of style. Though this is part of the Valentine’s Day lingerie line, it’s really a timeless style that will look fabulous any night of the year. The floral lace adds a fun and femme touch, and the hint of skin between the bra cup and lace panel ups the sexiness.

Close up of Lovehoney embroidered black chemise lace

I also really love the shape of this piece. I’m confident about my waist and less confident about my stomach, and this chemise emphasises the former while drawing attention away from the latter.

Lovehoney Chemise Set: Fit and Comfort

The Lovehoney Lotus Chemise Set comes in sizes from UK6 up to UK30. I received the Medium (UK10/12 equivalent). Unfortunately, every time I order an item of lingerie with underwires, I remember why I usually don’t. While the rest of the piece fits me well, hugging my waist and reaching just to the bottom of my butt, the cups are far, far too small.

I understand that lingerie like this can’t come in every possible permutation of body size + cup size. That’d make each item unreasonably expensive and probably result in a lot of unsold stock. Unfortunately, this reality means that designers have to make some assumptions regarding average cup sizes in relation to body size. And I’m aware that my size 12 frame/G cup boobs combo isn’t exactly typical. The result, though, is that the overwhelming majority of lingerie with wires just isn’t going to work for my body.

I can sort of get the Lotus Embroidered Black Chemise to work for me with some very careful adjustment to how the quarter cups and embroidered panels sit. But even then, things keep slipping out of place, meaning that either my boobs fall out or I get poked in the ribcage with a wire that’s really too small for my chest.

The Lovehoney Lotus Chemise is adjustable in a couple of places. The bra clasp features 3 settings, and you can make the straps longer or shorter to suit you. There’s a good amount of stretch to the thong’s waistband, too, so that should work for most bodies that fall within the size range.

Comfort-wise, I have no complaints beyond the sizing issues and the fact that I really don’t like wire. The mesh skirt is super soft and the lace is skin-friendly and non scratchy.

Lotus Embroidered Chemise: Verdict

Beautiful… as long as your boobs will fit in it! If you’re small to average chested, this is a gorgeous piece in a classic, sexy design. If you’re larger chested, though, I can’t wholeheartedly recommend it as you’re likely to encounter the same fit issues as I did.

I really wish this one worked for me, because I really do love the style. Unfortunately, I think I’ll be passing it on to a smaller-chested friend, and continuing to gravitate towards more boob-friendly styles such as bodysuits and wireless pieces.

The Lotus Embroidered Black Chemise Set retails for $54.99 from Lovehoney US or $74.95 from Lovehoney Canada.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this piece in exchange for an honest review. All views, as always, are mine.

[Lingerie Review] Lovehoney Dark Orchid Plunge Teddy

Published on February 1, 2022April 30, 2024 by Amy

Last week, I reviewed the robe from Lovehoney’s new Dark Orchid range of Valentine’s Day lingerie. This week, I’m back with a review of another piece from the set: the Dark Orchid Plunge Teddy.

Fun fact, since I asked the internet and now you get to know the answer too: apparently a “teddy” is basically the same as a bodysuit, only “a little bit sexier”. Now you know.

With that said, let’s take a look.

Dark Orchid Teddy: Style and Aesthetics

The Dark Orchid Teddy is a one-piece lingerie item made from the same mix of midnight blue satin (polyester/elastane) and black eyelash lace (polyamide/polyester) as everything in this range. The gusset is made of vagina-friendly 100% cotton. It features a plunging neckline with lace-up detailing, halterneck straps that cross at the back, and a tie-up waistband.

Woman wearing Lovehoney Dark Orchid Plunge Teddy — Image: Lovehoney

I really love the shape of this one. I often find myself drawn to teddy/bodysuit style pieces because I think they just suit my shape really well. They also tend to be a little more forgiving for very big boobs, whereas more structured pieces take one look at my G-cups and go “lol no”. (More on the fit and boob room in a minute!) The high cut makes my admittedly rather short legs look a little longer, and the waistband accentuates one of the parts of my body I’m most comfortable with.

The midnight blue shade is gorgeous, as is the delicate and feminine eyelash lace.

Fit and Comfort

The Dark Orchid Teddy comes in a range of sizes, ranging from UK6 to UK28. Even in just the few years I’ve been working with them, Lovehoney have massively expanded their plus-size lingerie options and I’m really loving seeing more inclusive size options as standard. Because everyone deserves beautiful lingerie!

I received the Medium (UK10/12) and, overall, it fits my size 12 body pretty well. If anything it’s a little on the small side, so maybe size up if you’re between sizes for this one. This is especially important if you have wider hips or a big butt, because you have to ease this one up over your body very carefully to avoid tearing the delicate lace. There’s not much give or stretch in it!

Comfort wise, the satin is lovely and soft and the lace is non-scratchy. I often shy away from lace-heavy pieces because I’m very sensitive to rough or scratchy fabrics, but this one is fine.

The Dark Orchid Teddy is adjustable in a couple of places. You can tie up the waistband as tightly or loosely as you like, and you can also change the length of the straps using the sliders. (Pro tip: do this before you put the teddy on. It’s near goddamn impossible unless you’re a contortionist once it’s on!)

The biggest downside, unfortunately, comes down once again to boob space. I’m not sure if it’s due to the spaghetti straps or the flimsiness of the lace, but this really doesn’t keep them in place very well. It seems fine when I first put it on but, as soon as I move or bend forwards or lie on my side, everything falls out. This means that I find myself adjusting it every few seconds and ultimately not feeling as comfortable and sexy as I’d like.

Verdict

I’m a little mixed on this one. The style and fabrics are gorgeous, and I love the cut and shape. But it’s really not the friendliest for bigger busted folks.

I think, reluctantly, I’m likely to pass this on to one of my smaller-boobed femme friends. It’s gorgeous, it’s just not a great fit for my body.

The Dark Orchid Teddy retails for £34.99.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Dark Orchid Teddy to review. All opinions are, as always, my own.

A blank open book with a red heart on the right hand page

The Love Stories That Weren’t

Published on February 14, 2020May 15, 2024 by Amy

I don’t believe in “The One”. I’m a hopeless romantic, yes, but I’m also something of a realist. The mere fact that there are nearly seven billion people on this planet makes it absurd to me to think that there is exactly one person designed for everyone to love. I mean…

“It’s just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth
I happened to stumble upon the one girl on Earth
Specifically designed for me!”
– Tim Minchin, “If I Didn’t Have You“

Aside from the sheer numerical absurdity of the idea, my own experience shows that “The One” just isn’t a meaningful concept. I’ve loved a number of people in my life. Not all of them were healthy for me – some were pretty terrible – but the love I felt? That was real. And it isn’t retroactively less real because I don’t love them any more.

I say that Mr C&K is one of the great loves of my life, and that’s true. One of. What we have doesn’t mean he’s the only person I’ve ever loved or could ever love. It doesn’t mean I think we were somehow predestined to find each other and be together. It means that in this chaotic world, we did find each other and he’s the person I have chosen to spend my life with – to walk hand-in-hand with along the path of life, hopefully until one of us runs out of heartbeats.

Don’t you think the idea of choice, of choosing each other again and again every day, week, month and year, is more romantic that a notion of some pre-determined fate? I do.

I’m also very aware that, for all the people I’ve loved or been in relationship with in my life, there are others which could have happened, and didn’t for whatever reason. So this is for the almosts, the maybes, the “right person, wrong time”s. The love stories that weren’t.

The “what if?”

There was the one who was my first “what if…?” We were seventeen and I was already in a relationship. I didn’t have any kind of language for non-monogamous feelings, so I thought I was bad and wrong because I couldn’t stop thinking about someone while in a relationship with someone else. I don’t think he ever realised his crush on me was reciprocated. We’re friends to this day and he was one of the first people I ever came out to as bisexual.

The fundamental incompatibility

There was the one who was significantly more fundamentally-monogamous than I am. We knew it had no long-term potential, but we were powerfully drawn to each other anyway. He and I danced around each other, kissing and pseudo-dating and doing kinky play and pretending it was all very casual, for the better part of two years. At one point, we were talking on the phone almost every night. He used to call me Kitten. I used to say “I love you” after he’d hung up.

The one night stand

There was the one I got on a train and traveled six hours, on little more than a whim, to meet. This woman who looked like a 1950s pin-up model and kissed me with lips that tasted of green tea. I was recently out of my first same-sex relationship and exercising the age-old wisdom that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. She was curious, and her husband graciously gave her a one-night pass with me. I just wish I’d known the pass was only for one night.

The unresolved sexual tension

Then there was the one with whom the chemistry was so intense and so immediate that I felt the zing from across the room. Though ultimately it amounted to little more than a single very hot scene, it’s a memory I cherish.

The ghost

There was the one who I shared just one incredible date with. I remember looking at him across the table of my favourite Thai restaurant, wishing I could pour the moment into the empty wine bottle, cork it and keep it forever. I never did learn why he ghosted me afterwards. That one hurt for a long time.

…and all the others

I don’t like the concept of “the one who got away”. It has too many weird implications for me – and, again, is too tied into this notion of There Can Be Only One Real Ultimate Love. I prefer to think about it in the sense of how much possibility there is in the world. None of us, even the most polyamorous, could ever possibly explore every single possible love that might theoretically be out there in the world for us.

But isn’t that abundance of possibility just wonderful?

Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Hot For You lingerie set

[Lingerie Review] Hot For You Set by Lovehoney

Published on February 12, 2020April 29, 2024 by Amy

[Update 03/03/22: this product has been discontinued. I have removed dead links and left the post up for reference.]

We all know by now, don’t we, that I am a whimsical romantic? So how could I resist some cutesy Valentine’s-themed lingerie? Hot For You is Lovehoney’s 2020 Valentine’s offering.

Things are heating up…

Hot For You consists of three sets: a bra and knickers set available in standard and plus sizes, and a thong designed for people with penises. They are all black and feature small decorative accents (hearts on the bra sets, flames on the thong) which start off black and turn to red as your body temperature rises. Cute, no?

Plus size model wearing the Hot For You lingerie from Lovehoney. For 2020 Valentine's gift guide

I got sent the Hot For You bra set to try out…

I heart this look

Aesthetically I’m really into this range. It’s playful and just a touch on the silly side without being excessively twee or over-the-top. Black is my preferred colour of choice for lingerie most of the time, and the heart accents are super cute.

Close up of a male body in the Hot For You flame design thong

(Though I wish they’d made the flame design thong for folks with vulvas too – the idea of a colour-changing fire icon over my junk just amuses me on a deep level for some reason.

Does the colour-change function actually work?

Yep!

So my house tends to get Extremely Fucking Cold at this time of year. Therefore, the first time I tried these pieces on, I… erm, blasted a hairdryer at my tits for a few seconds. (The things I do for you guys and journalism, honestly!) The hearts changed colour almost immediately in the warmth.

I later tried them on again when I wasn’t quite so cold, and they did change nicely as my body temperature warmed up.

So, yes, it does what it says on the tin.

Comfort and Fit

Yet again, these pieces are listed as “One Size.” The standard is supposed to fit sizes 8 – 16, and the plus is supposed to fit sizes 18 – 24. The bra and knickers actually are very adjustable; the bands are made of an elasticated satin material and are also length-adjustable. The bra is a halter-neck design, so be aware of that. If you find it difficult to tie things behind you, you might want to get someone to help you.

Though these pieces function as “One Size” better than many I’ve tried, I still have the familiar recurring problem: my boobs don’t really fit. The standard bra and knickers set fits me quite nicely (I’m about a size 14 right now,) but really barely contained my probably-an-F-cup boobs at all. The spilling-out look can be fun if that’s your sort of thing, but I prefer a bit more coverage unless I’m intentionally going for revealing.

The standard Hot For You set is really designed for folks who are more like an A – D cup. It’s frustrating that lingerie designs always assume that bigger body = bigger boobs, which isn’t true at all! Some people wear a size 8 but have F-cup boobs. Some people are plus-size but have small boobs! This is always going to be an issue in “One Size” pieces, which is why I generally wish that making sexy lingerie based on actual measurements (i.e. cup and band sizes) was more of a thing.

(Though, I have to admit, my partners were in favour of the “boobs falling out” look.)

The bra provides next to no actual support, but… I mean, it’s not like I was going jogging in it, and I don’t wear bras most of the time anyway, so *shrug.*

The sizing issue notwithstanding, the Hot For You set gets good marks for comfort. The mesh material is soft and non-scratchy, and the stretchy satin bands feel nice against the skin. There are no wires or boning, so nothing to dig in or pinch.

Final thoughts

A cute and inexpensive Valentine’s day gift – for your lover or yourself! (Fun idea: wear this set to bed and see how long it takes your lover to notice that the hearts or flames are changing colour!)

The Hot For You bra sets both retail for £19.99, and the thong is £14.99.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this piece in exchange for an honest review! Affiliate links are contained within this post. All views are mine. Selfie is by me, other pics are by Lovehoney and used with permission.

Heart shaped gift box with a vibrator and pair of pink handcuffs. Header for a post about buying your lover a sex toy for Valentine's Day

Sex Toys for Valentine’s Day Gifts: Yes or No?

Published on February 1, 2018April 15, 2025 by Amy

Flowers and chocolates might be the most traditional tokens of love on February 14th, but have you ever thought about sex toys for Valentine’s Day gifts for your lover instead?

I love Valentine’s Day. And look, I know I probably shouldn’t. I know it’s a manufactured and over-commercialised holiday. But at the end of the day, it gives me an excuse to surprise my loved ones… and to wear a bunch of pink, girly, sparkly shit with hearts all over it. (Who am I kidding? I do that all year round.)

But should you give your lover(s) sex toys for Valentine’s Day?

Yay or Nay?

I’m going to say yes… with caveats.

First of all, please only even think about doing this for established sexual partners[*]. Giving your sweetie a vibrator can be cute and flirtatious. Giving one to your office crush (or – and I swear to God I saw this happen once – putting one in the office Secret Santa) is ~~creepy as fuck~~ sexual harassment.

In the right context, I think sex toys can be fabulous gifts. And the right context for that is:

You’re in some kind of established sexual relationship with the person[*]
You have checked in and established that sexualised gifts are welcome
You know they either like sex toys or are interested in trying them
You have a good enough understanding of their needs, likes, dislikes, preferences, and fantasies to pick out something with reasonable certainty that they’ll like it

If all of those things are true? Read on.

[*] There are very occasional exceptions to this, in that some non-sexual friendships are close and intimate enough that this wouldn’t be weird. There are definitely friends in my life I’d buy sex toys for and vice versa. But if you’re not extremely certain that this is the kind of friendship you have, you probably don’t. If in doubt, err on the side of getting them something safer.

Buying Sex Toys for Valentine’s Day: How to Do It Right

So you’ve decided that you do want to buy your partner, sweetie, or lover a sex toy for Valentine’s Day. How do you know what to choose? With so many thousands of products out there, all of them promising orgasms for days, which one should you buy for your sexy someone? These are a few of my simple shopping tips.

Tap Into What You Know About Their Preferences

Does your partner enjoy penetration, and if so do they prefer large or small insertables? Are they more into girth or length? Does she need really intense clitoral stimulation to get off? Are they all about their cock, or super into anal play? Do they love dual stimulation of two or more erogenous zones at once, or prefer to focus on one thing at a time? You need to know these sorts of basic things about your lover’s body and sexual preferences before you can successfully buy them a toy.

Aesthetic preferences matter for a lot of people, too. Would your partner like a realistic dildo, or is something colourful and sparkly more their vibe? How do they feel about fantasy aesthetics? Some people love pink, others hate it.

This stuff isn’t that hard to learn when you’re in an intimate relationship with someone. You just need to be paying attention and asking the right questions.

Finally, don’t forget about the practicalities of the toy you’re thinking of buying. They probably wouldn’t thank you for a 42lb sex doll if they live in a tiny apartment or a vibrator that sounds like a plane taking off (or a lawnmower) if they have nosy roommates.

Their Preferences, Not Yours

If there’s one mistake that I see people make more than any other when choosing sex toys for Valentine’s Day or any other gifting occasion, it’s this: instead of buying something their partner will love, they buy something they like the idea of their partner using.

There’s no point buying them an extra large dildo if they’re all about clitoral stimulation. You might like the idea of anal sex, but if they’re not into it then even the best butt plugs aren’t going to see any action. Perhaps tentacles turn you on but turn them right off.

This is a gift for them, so centre them and their needs.

Ask For Advice

People who work in adult retail and the sex toy industry are generally pretty knowledgeable. Why not go into your local sex toy shop or get in touch with your favourite retailer and ask for some buying guidance?

You’ll need to put in the work here. “What toy should I buy for my husband?” or “what are the best toys for women?” is far too vague for you to get any useful information. But narrow it down a bit and say something like, “I’m looking for a non-realistic insertable toy that also has powerful vibrations”, and you’ll get somewhere useful.

Hell, if you want, contact me and tell me a little about your budget, your needs, and the person you’re shopping for and I’ll send you a free recommendation (buying me a coffee to say thanks or shopping with my affiliate links is highly appreciated but not mandatory!)

If In Doubt, Ask

You can simply ask your partner overtly, if you want. “I was thinking I’d love to buy you a new sex toy for Valentine’s Day. Would you be into that? Is there anything you’ve got your eye on?” A lot of people would happily sacrifice the surprise element in exchange for giving or receiving the ideal gift.

Of course, you might want the gift to be a surprise. If so, you’ll have to do some subtler sleuthing. Bring up the idea of toys when the two of you are talking about fantasies, desires, and new things to try. If you ever browse sex shops together or look at toys online, see what sorts of things they gravitate towards.

Still Not Sure? Get a Gift Card.

Most sex shops, both brick-and-mortar and online, sell gift cards. If you’re not sure what your partner would like, a voucher for a reputable sex shop is a great way to give them the gift of sex toys for Valentine’s Day without having to guess.

This way, they can go and pick something out solo or you can make it a fun and sexy date activity.

Pro Tip: Proceed With Caution with Prepackaged “Gift Bundles”

When I wrote an earlier draft of this post, I told people looking to buy sex toys for Valentine’s Day that they should skip bundles and kits altogether. Happily, these seem to have generally improved in the last few years so I’m updating this post to say that you don’t necessarily need to avoid them. They can offer variety and value for money. However, I still say you should proceed carefully.

A sex toy kit can be a good choice if you’re new to toys and not sure what to pick, or if you happen to be after two or more things and can find them bundled together. If you and your partner are curious about or new to BDSM, a BDSM starter kit can be a fun, sexy gift to start off your explorations together.

If you’re choosing a product bundle or sex toy kit, make sure that everything in it is body-safe. Avoid toxic materials and choose only body-safe options like silicone, stainless steel, or glass. Compare prices, too, to make sure you’re actually getting a good deal.

One Final Word of Caution on Buying Sex Toys for Valentine’s Day

Please, please, please don’t buy sex toys or kink gear from places like Amazon, Shein, Temu, and so on. You have almost no way of being sure that what you’re getting is genuine, and chances are high that it isn’t. In a broadly unregulated industry, there is no way to know what that $5 vibrator is made of but it probably isn’t anything good. And many unscrupulous companies ramp up their marketing of adult products on these sites around this time of year.

Some reputable companies do, unfortunately, insist on operating Amazon storefronts. But in general, the risk of getting an unsafe knock-off is so high that it’s just not worth it. Instead, visit your local women-owned or queer-owned sex shop, or check out the stores I recommend in the sidebar.

Affiliate links appear in this post. All opinions are, as always, my own!

Header image for a post about lingerie sponsored by Twisted Lingerie

Bringing Extra Sexy Into Your Life with Lingerie

Published on January 30, 2018May 10, 2024 by Amy1 Comment

[Update 31.12.2019: Twisted Lingerie, the sponsors of this post, has now closed down. I have removed the broken links but left this piece up for informational purposes.]

As regular readers of the blog will know, I’m a pretty recent lingerie convert. Being a shortish, curvy girl who does NOT in any way resemble a Victoria’s Secret model, and has a general aversion to things like frills and excessive lace, I’d kinda decided it wasn’t for me. I was convinced otherwise when I was gifted a beautiful piece to review and realised I looked, and felt, like an absolute babe in it.

Valentine’s Day is coming up – the time for bringing out those basques, those little slips of latex and lace, to seduce your lover. But apart from the obvious (“wear it to bed and fuck your partner’s brains out”), how can you use lingerie to add a little extra sizzle of sexiness to your life?

Wear it under your work clothes.

If, like me, you’re a “practical undies” type of person the majority of the time, try wearing something really naughty under your work clothes one day. No-one else will know, but you’ll have an extra bounce in your step all day as you feel the sumptuous fabrics against your skin.

Pro tip: do this the day of a big meeting or presentation. You’ll stand taller and speak more confidently because you’ll be feeling gorgeous. Who says “power dressing” can’t be sexy?

Go shopping with your partner.

Whether this is a trip to your local lingerie store, or sitting at the computer together and lusting over sexy pieces like Twisted Lingerie’s stunning bondage-themed collection, make shopping for lingerie (for one or both of you!) a fun date activity with your partner. Whether you buy anything or not is up to you, but trying pieces on – or just imagining your lover in that fabulous bra or babydoll – is bound to get some lusty feelings flowing.

Dress out of your comfort zone.

Stepping out of our comfort zones can be an empowering and enlightening experience. This includes how we dress and what we think of as our aesthetic. Case in point: I didn’t think fancy lacey lingerie was my thing at all… until I tried it.

If you’re on the more femme end of the spectrum, try wearing something masculine-of-centre for a change, and vice-versa. If you normally go for frills, try something with harder lines or a more minimalist style. Pick out a colour or a pattern or a style you’d never typically wear. You might be surprised at how babely you feel!

Wear it while you masturbate.

This might sound a bit goofy, but stick with me. Masturbation is sex with your longest and most enduring sexual partner: yourself. If you’d dress up for a night in with a partner, why not occasionally dress up for a night in with yourself (and your favourite vibrator, if that’s your jam)? Feeling attractive and hot, even if no-one else is going to see it, is one of the ways I tap into my erotic energy. Looking in the mirror and going “yes, I would” makes me want to, well… do all kinds of things to my sexy self.

Take a hot selfie…

…or ten. There’s nothing like a sexy selfie to make you feel like an absolute babe. You don’t have to share it with anyone (though you can, if you like! Send it to a partner or even upload it to your blog, Instagram, Tumblr or Fetlife if you’re feeling daring). But just the act of putting on some beautiful lingerie, playing with lighting and filters and angles to get the perfect shot and then admiring the pics, will remind you what a gorgeous creature you are.

Tweet me: how do you bring extra sexiness into your life with lingerie?

This post was generously sponsored by the lovely folks at Twisted Lingerie. All opinions are, and will always be, my own. All images are property of Twisted Lingerie and reproduced here with their permission.