In the years (9 of them! Happy anniversary, C&K!) that I’ve been writing about sex and reviewing sex toys, I’ve learned a lot about both my own preferences and those of others. When it comes to dildos, the ones I most gravitate towards tend to be colourful, sparkly, or otherwise non-realistic. However, the good folks at Epic Dildos invited me to write about ultra and realistic dildos for them, so I’ve been taking some time to think about why so many people enjoy these hyper lifelike toys and some of the fun ways to use them.
Using Ultra Realistic Dildos to Achieve a Lifelike Sensation
I do not believe that sex toys are, or ever can be, replacements for human partners. The term “battery-operated boyfriend” can get in the bin. And let’s not even talk about those vibrators with faces and personalities that the incredible Epiphora reviewed all the way back in 2015.
So no, a dildo cannot replace a penis-owning human. However, if you want to enjoy the feeling of having sex with a person with a bio-cock and don’t have a suitable partner available (or are just in the mood for some solo sex), a realistic dildo is a great option. It’s not entirely identical, of course, but a good realistic toy can be damn close in terms of physical sensation.
Dual-density materials, such as the Flexiskin™ liquid silicone Epic Dildos uses for their hyper realistic dildo range, combine a soft and malleable outer layer with a firm inner core to mimic an erect penis.
Fulfilling Fantasies with Ultra Realistic Dildos
Like all sex toys, dildos can be enjoyed as much alone or with a partner. One of the most surprisingly common uses I hear about for ultra realistic dildos? Fulfilling threesome or group sex fantasies.
Threesomes are consistently cited in various surveys and studies as one of the most common sexual fantasies. However, choosing to have one in real life is a big decision and not to be taken lightly. When done right, they can be amazing. However, if they’re done badly, they’re also ripe for coercion (if one party in a relationship is less keen than the other), can spike jealousy and insecurity, and can damage or destroy relationships.
If you fantasise about threesomes or group sex but aren’t sure if you’d want to do it for real, using an ultra realistic dildo can allow you and your partner to bring the fantasy to life without the risk. You won’t get the emotional or psychological impact of having a third person involved, but you can simulate some of the physical sensations, do some amazing dirty talk, and spin a scene or story together using toys.
Enjoying Dicks of Different Shapes and Sizes
If you’re monogamous, prefer to have sex with only a single partner at a time, or don’t want to have any sexual partners (at the moment or ever), ultra realistic dildos offer a fun and safe way to enjoy sexual variety. Just as all human cocks are different, so are all the varieties of realistic dildos on the market.
Want to experience bigger or smaller, curved or straight, semi-soft or ultra-firm? The amazing range of realistic dildos out there has got you covered. As a bonus, some offer additional features you can’t get with a bio-cock, such as vibrations.
Ultra Realistic Dildos as a Gender-Affirming Choice
My girlfriend Em and I have started referring to my choice of dildos as “gender-affirming.” I’m a femme who is also primarily submissive, and choosing toys that feel like “me” has felt increasingly important as I explore my role as a strap-on top.
Just as sparkly, colourful dildos feel gender-affirming for me, ultra realistic dildos can feel the same way for other folks. Trans men, transmasculine people, and cis men who use dildos or strap-ons are just some of the people who might find that an ultra realistic dildo aligns best with their gender identity and presentation.
Practicing Sexual Skills
None of us get into our first sexual relationship magically knowing how to have good sex. And none of us get into any sexual relationship magically knowing how to have good sex with that person specifically. Sex is a set of skills, from the interpersonal (communicating your desires, paying attention to verbal and non-verbal cues) to the physical. These skills can be learned, honed, and relearned throughout your sexual life.
If you want to learn or practice a specific sexual skill, from giving a certain type of blowjob your partner loves to riding a dick in a particular position, using a realistic dildo is one great and low-pressure way to do that.
4 Ways to Play with Ultra Realistic Dildos
Whether you’ve just got your first realistic dildo or are an aficionado looking for new ways to play, here are a few suggestions you might not have thought about.
Strap It On
Strap-on sex is most often associated with lesbian and sapphic sex, but anyone can enjoy it. For strap-on sex, look for dildos with a base that’s wide but not too deep. Think flat base or suction cup dildos rather than those with balls.
Go Hands-Free
Some ultra realistic dildos come with suction cups, allowing you to affix them to a wall, floor, or other flat surface. This gives you an opportunity to play hands-free, using your hands to do other things to your or your partner’s body.
Pair Your Hyper Realistic Dildo with Another Toy
Use your dildo internally while you (or your partner) hold a bullet vibrator against your clitoris. Hold a wand vibrator against the base of your dildo for deep, internal rumbles, Insert your dildo anally (if it has a flared base) then use a stroker to stimulate your penis. Get creative and try out different combinations.
Put On a Show
If you enjoy exhibitionism and voyeurism, putting on a sexy show for your partner can be a hot shared experience. Invite them to watch while you touch, tease, or fuck yourself with your toy. Whether you ultimately let them join in or just drive them wild with the visuals? That’s up to you.
Thanks to Epic Dildos and their hyper realistic range for sponsoring this post! All views and writing, as always, are mine.
On my last call with the lovely Francesca, who owns The Pleasure Garden inclusive sex shop, we discussed which strap-on compatible dildos I might want to review in some companion pieces to my Spareparts Joque review. I asked for the gayest, girliest, sparkliest items the store had in stock. And friends, as the kids say, she understood the assignment. Along with a lesbian pride dildo and a gorgeous sparkly one, I received another Blush dildo: this spectacular clear confetti-filled glow in the dark creation, the Neo Elite Hanky Panky.
What is the Blush Neo Elite Hanky Panky Confetti Dildo?
The Blush Neo Elite Hanky Panky is a glow in the dark dildo by Blush Novelties. It measures 8″ in total length, around 6.5″ in insertable length, and 1.5″ in diameter at the widest point.
This dildo is made of clear/translucent silicone filled with little confetti-style flecks in pink, purple, blue and green inside. Yes, it’s possible to get body-safe clear sex toys! You don’t need to resort to toxic jelly materials to enjoy this unique aesthetic.
The Best Things About The Neo Elite Confetti Dildo
One of my hottest takes as a queer femme is that enjoying pretty things just because they’re pretty is not frivolous, but tremendously important. Beauty is not frivolous. Enjoying things, as a queer person in a world that wants to tear us down and drown us out, fucking matters. Pleasure is political.
And that’s just as true whether we’re talking about eating delicious food in defiance of diet culture or fucking my hot girlfriend with the gayest cock I can find in defiance of societal homophobia.
All this to say: I like the Blush Neo Elite Hanky Panky because it’s cute, colourful, and playful as fuck.
There are other great things to say about the Blush Neo Elite Hanky Panky too, of course. The shape is fabulous, with a medium curve and a prominent head. The silicone is pretty firm and dense, with minimal “squish”, but the shaft is flexible enough to enable comfortable positioning.
I particularly like the pronounced ridge on the underside of the head, which is ideal for both G-spot and prostate stimulation as well as stimulating the sensitive nerve endings around the vaginal/anal opening on insertion and removal. Otherwise, the shaft is smooth, making it a great choice for people who don’t enjoy the sensation of textured toys. It’s also the same width all the way down.
The large suction cup is strong, and also makes the toy anal-safe and harness compatible.
Anything I Didn’t Like?
The only thing to be aware of is that the Blush Neo Elite Hanky Panky’s silicone is very matte. This means it can feel “grabby” and doesn’t glide as smoothly as some softer silicones do, which some users can find uncomfortable. You can overcome this by adding tonnes of water-based lube; just be aware you’ll probably need more lubrication than usual.
If you love beautiful, playful aesthetics and don’t mind a more matte texture, this is a fantastic toy. It has a great shape and design, is versatile enough for different kinds of play from solo masturbation to strap on sex to anal, and is a relatively rare example of a clear/translucent toy made from a body-safe material.
The Neo Elite Hanky Panky retails for a very reasonable £38 from The Pleasure Garden. North American readers can get this toy from Shevibe.
Thanks to The Pleasure Garden for sending me this Blush dildo to review. All views, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping with them sends me a small commission at no additional cost to you.
You know what’s even more fun than shopping for sex toys? Creating one to your specifications! I recently told you all about Nothosaur’s custom dildo and custom fantasy toy service, which allows you to apply a dizzying variety of customisations to the company’s designs to create a piece that is entirely yours. As part of our ongoing partnership, Nothosaur kindly let me customise a toy from their range to test and review. After a lot of deliberation, I chose the MOOM dildo. Keep reading to learn what I like about this one and which customisations I chose.
What is the MOOM and Why Did I Choose It for My Custom Dildo?
The base product you choose will determine the shape and design of your toy. When Nothosaur offered me a custom dildo to review, I spent a long time looking around the site to decide which of the many options on offer felt right for me. Ultimately, I picked the MOOM. The basic product looks like this:
I chose the MOOM for my custom dildo largely because its shape really called to me. Its shaft consists of a series of long and elegantly intertwining vines, rising up to a pronounced head, and the broad base has those aforementioned little spikes. The MOOM’s shaft is relatively slimline, which tends to work well for my body—I do like girthy insertables sometimes, but they take a lot of warm-up. This is very much an “insert and go” toy, which can be an advantage sometimes.
The MOOM is based on one of Nothosaur’s many fantasy creature creations, a creature that makes its home in the jungle, collects pine cones and fruits, enjoys poems and stories, but also possesses a series of sharp thorns that help to keep it safe. I enjoy the combination of softness and fierceness in this characterisation, and in the combination of long, sweeping lines and the spiked base that make up the toy’s design.
I also just thought it was super pretty, fun, and unexpected, and I don’t own anything else like it.
My Customisation Choices
I went for the medium size MOOM dildo. I’m not a size queen by any stretch (heh) of the imagination, so at 5.9″ in total length and about 4″ in insertable length—the MOOM in medium is a fairly perfect size dildo for me. If you prefer a very small toy, choose the mini or small sizes. If you want more, opt for the large or extra large.
Next up was choosing the firmness. I ultimately went for the soft silicone because I don’t have many super-soft toys in my collection, so I thought it would be fun to get something a bit different. I also tend to like flexible toys, and I assumed the soft silicone would have more flex to it.
Finally, it was time to pick the colours for my custom dildo. I looked at the suggested colourways for the MOOM and, though they were all super pretty and creative, none of them felt like quite what I was looking for. Ultimately, inspiration struck and I settled on a marbled combination of bright orange, bright pink, and white that reminds me of the lesbian pride flag.
Nothosaur’s extensive colour selection
The MOOM in medium comes with a suction cup base by default, which works for me. This allows me to use it with a strap-on harness as well as making it convenient to hold. If you opt for the MOOM in a large or extra large size, you can add a vac-u-lock hole and adaptor for a fucking machine if you like.
Review: What I Love About My Custom Nothosaur Toys MOOM
And with all those decisions made, it was time to sit back and wait for my custom dildo to arrive. Which, in a couple of weeks, it did. The finished toy is so, so bright and femme and colourful! I mean, just look at it:
The website pictures really don’t do justice to just how bright and vibrant these colours are. The design is also even more beautiful and intricate close up than the images show. I feel like I notice some new detail every time I look at it.
The MOOM dildo has the perfect level of texturing for me. The “vines” along the shaft are pronounced enough to feel and to be satisfying, but not so much that it tips over into uncomfortable.
I’m also really glad I opted for the soft silicone for this one. I think it’s possible that the intensely ridged head and the textured shaft would have been too intense in a firmer silicone. But at this level, it’s absolutely perfect. The ultra-flexible softness also means that I can angle the head perfectly to brush against my G-spot.
The MOOM’s suction cup is strong, and its broad base makes it ideal for strap-on sex.
Finally, can we talk about those spikes on the base? They, too, are super soft and when the dildo is fully inserted, they tease and tickle my vulva every time I thrust or twist the toy. Amazing.
Get Your Own Custom Dildo
It’s safe to say Nothosaur knocked it out of the park with my MOOM custom dildo. The result is something beautiful, unique, and totally “me.” I love it.
Want your own? Head over to Nothosaur’s store, find the design you like, and get customising! A medium MOOM in 3 colours retails for $94.99, but prices vary according to the style and customisations you choose.
Thanks to Nothosaur Toys for gifting me this custom MOOM dildo and sponsoring this review! All views are, as always, my own.
My first strap-on harness was a super basic, no-frills thing with rough nylon straps. It did the job, just about, but that was all. I had better luck with harness pants, but ultimately they weren’t really my vibe or aesthetic. I upgraded massively with a gorgeous faux leather strap-on harness I purchased at Eroticon, before I finally discovered my all-time favourite harness. Liebe Seele Japan just sent me the red leather strap-on harness from their Kinbaku Ukiyoe range to test and review.
(Fun fact: kinbaku means “tight binding” and is a form of Japanese rope bondage. Ukiyo-eliterally means “pictures of the floating world” and refers to a particular style of Japanese paintings and woodblock prints produced from the 17th-19th Centuries. These works featured subjects such as history and folk tales, travel scenes, and landscapes… but also erotica and portrayals of performers and sex workers.)
The Kinbaku Ukiyoe leather strap-on harness is made of lamb leather and suede, black on the inside and printed with a red rose pattern on the outside. Of course, if you’re vegan or otherwise object to animal leather, you’ll want to skip this one.
Kinbaku Ukiyoe Red Leather Strap-On Harness Review: What I Liked
I’ve also discovered that, though I do enjoy both roles, I am more of a strap-on Top than a strap-on bottom. Which was an interesting and slightly surprising thing to learn about myself!
I pretty much always use my reliable fave harness these days but I do like to try new things. So I was excited to try out the Liebe Seele Kinbaku Ukiyoe harness. First let’s look at the things I liked about it.
It arrived beautifully packaged and presented. This strap-on harness comes in a sturdy red box with a gold kintsugi print and a cardboard sleeve featuring a ukiyo-e style erotic image of two women having sex. The same image is printed on an included silky fabric square. In the box, the harness’s wrapping is tissue paper with the same kintsugi print. The overall effect is thoughtful and luxurious.
When I took it out of the box, I gasped at how beautiful this harness is. The rose print is striking and gorgeous, with an aesthetic somewhere between “goth” and “high femme.” The hardware is copper-plated metal in an attractive muted gold shade.
The strap-on harness’s red leather and black suede look and feel of excellent quality. They are soft and supple and have only become more so with handling and wear. They also have that wonderful and inimitable leather smell that I love so much.
The harness is adjustable in two places: the waistband and also the two straps that sit around the butt and between the legs. This makes it easy to adjust it to your unique body.
The included O-ring is 2.5″ in diameter but you can easily swap it out for a different size. Just unfasten the poppers and insert your preferred ring size.
It’s clearly well made and seems built to last, with neat and strong stitching and strong hardware.
It is easy to put on. Some strap-on harnesses are so confusing that by the time you’ve wrestled your way into them, all the sexiness is gone from the moment. This one takes seconds to put on and adjust.
Perhaps most importantly, the Kinbaku Ukiyoe red leather strap-on harness is wonderful to wear. As I’ve already mentioned, the leather is super soft and it works with my body like a second skin. It is breathable so I don’t get too hot wearing it, and it stays in position without constant readjusting.
Anything I Didn’t Like?
My only significant complaint about the Kinbaku Ukiyoe red leather strap-on harness is that it is not as size-inclusive as it could be. The harness’s waistband is adjustable from 78-116cm (around 30-45″) which will fit a lot of users but also exclude a lot of others. I’d like to see more adjustability or, failing that, a larger version also available.
Due to the design, there also isn’t anywhere to include a vibrating bullet or other toy to stimulate the wearer. This doesn’t matter to me in the slightest – when I’m strap-on Topping, I’m focusing on my partner’s pleasure and prefer not to have distractions – but it will be a downside for some users.
I also would have liked it to come with more O-ring sizes, as opposed to just one. If you want to try different ring sizes, I recommend the set of four from Sportsheets which retails for an affordable £9.99.
Verdict
A truly beautiful and well-made harness that is a joy to wear and use. Just be aware of the sizing restrictions and measure yourself to ensure it will fit you before you buy. Otherwise, I adore this harness.
The Kinbaku Ukiyoe red leather strap-on harness retails for £172. Use my code Amy15 to get 15% off this or any other purchase sitewide at Liebe Seele.
Thank you to Liebe Seele for sending me this strap-on harness to test and review. All views are, as always, mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love sparkly things. So of course, when Good Vibes Toys offered me their Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo to test, I was all over it. This is probably going to be a fairly short and sweet review today, but we’ll see.
The Pixie Dildo measures 6.5″ in total length, just under 6″ in insertable length, and 1.67″ in diameter at the widest point. It is made of body-safe silicone and features a suction cup base.
Good Vibes Toys Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo: Positives
The first thing I noticed about the Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo by Good Vibes Toys is that it’s cute as fuck. The two-tone blue and pink silicone reminds me of the colours of the trans pride flag, and is infused with glitter. It’s fun, femme, and a departure from the more realistic styles that not everyone enjoys.
I love the flexible shaft. This is just a toy that’s so easy to use, and I appreciate that about it. I don’t need tonnes of warm-up to enjoy it, just a little lube and it slips straight in comfortably. A worthy addition to my “lazy masturbation” collection.
Though the silicone of the shaft has a slight ripple that my fingers can detect, my vagina cannot. This is, for all intents and purposes, a smooth toy. I can’t always deal with too much texture, which can be overwhelming to the point of uncomfortable, so I appreciate this.
The very slightly curved tip is nice for G-spot or prostate stimulation that isn’t too intense.
The suction cup is strong and holds the toy in place well.
It’s a great strap-on dildo. The Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo’s suction cup holds it in place well in a harness, and it’s light enough to wield comfortably.
It also serves well as an anal dildo, having just the right level of squish and flex for comfortable insertion and a relatively slim shaft.
As the name implies, it glows in the dark! This isn’t a feature I need my dildos to have, but it’s sort of whimsical and fun.
Any Downsides?
Any negatives with this product are pretty subjective. It’s objectively a decent toy, but bodies are all different and everyone has unique preferences. So here are some things you’ll want to be aware of.
The Good Vibes Toys Pixie Dildo is fairly slimline, which won’t satisfy all users. I tend to prefer small to medium insertables, so it’s a positive for me, but if you prefer longer or girthier toys you’ll want to look elsewhere.
It may be too soft and flexible for some users. If you prefer a firmer toy, this won’t be for you.
The matte silicone is a little grabby. This issue can be overcome with plenty of water-based lube. In a totally ideal world I prefer a softer and less grabby silicone, but it’s not a dealbreaker.
The straight-ish shape and very gently curved tip won’t work for people who prefer more pronounced curves in their toys.
It’s kinda expensive, at $69.99 (about £55) for a cute but otherwise fairly basic silicone dildo. Get it if you love the aesthetic, but there are cheaperoptionsavailable if you’re just looking for something simple, safe and functional.
In short, this is a simple product that does what it does pretty well. Its main unique selling point is its gloriously sparkly and colourful appearance.
Shop Pixie Glow in the Dark Dildo and other products in the range from Good Vibes Toys.
Thanks to Good Vibes Toys for sending me this product to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are mine, as always.
In my first Mr Hankey’s Toys review last month, I noted that I was kinda blown away by the sheer size of the toy in front of me. That theme continues in this, the second of three Mr Hankey’s reviews. Today, we’re looking at this glorious unicorn horn dildo.
When the Mr Hankey’s Toys gave me pretty much free rein (heh) to pick a selection of toys from their site, I couldn’t possibly resist this one. I mean, just look at it!
Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo
The Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo is available in four sizes, ranging in total length from 12″ up to 18.38″, in insertable length from 7″ up to 12″, and in diameter at the widest insertable point from 1.51″ up to 2.7″. I requested the second smallest size (“Medium”), which measures 14″ in overall length, 8″ in insertable length, and 1.83″ in diameter at the widest insertable point. Once the decorative base is factored in, this is a large toy.
This toy is made of 100% body-safe silicone.
It is also available in four firmness levels: 40% soft (the softest), 75% soft, medium firm, and extra firm. You can get it in any of 24 different colourways, including a white/gold two tone. I requested bubblegum pink because I was feeling extra femme that day and it seemed somehow appropriate for this toy. There’s also the option to add a vac-u-lock hole.
Things I Like About the Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Horn Dildo
I mean, the entire design of this toy is just so whimsical and delightful. When you’ve tested and reviewed as many sex toys as I have, one vaguely penis-shaped piece of silicone starts to blend into the next. (Figuratively. Silicone toys do not melt together in storage and I wish this stupid myth would die already. But that’s a rant for another day.)
But a dildo that looks like a unicorn horn? Yeah, that’s new and novel. The detailing is impressive and gives a fun and playful feel that makes me smile every time I see its silly face and ginormous horn on my desk, where it is currently functioning as a particularly “extra” paperweight.
I chose the 75% soft option, which is the second softest. In this shape, that means the horn part is very squishy, bendy, and flexible. According to the company, this softness level mimics a bio-cock at 75-80% of full erection, but on this product it definitely seems softer and more flexible than that. If you want anything other than serious squish and flex, go for one of the firmer options. If, like me, you tend to prefer less intense insertable toys, the 75% soft is a great choice.
I also like the gently tapered design a lot. Coupled with the flex, this makes it ideal for targeted but not-too-intense G-spot stimulation.
The texturing of the horn is lovely, too. A lot of textured insertable toys are too much for me. They can be so intense that they become uncomfortable or even painful. The Unicorn Dildo, though, has a subtle rippling, twisted texture that is pronounced enough to be felt but also gentle.
Thanks to the bottom-heavy design, the Unicorn Dildo stands on its own. The company does warn that not all firmness levels and sizes will necessarily do this, though, so be aware of that if this feature is important to you. It does mean that putting it down on a firm surface and using it hands-free is potentially an option for users who are so inclined.
This large base also means that the Unicorn Dildo is totally anal-safe, if that’s your thing.
Anything I Didn’t Like?
As with the Perfect Penis dildo I reviewed last month, my only real complaint with the Unicorn Horn dildo is that it’s heavy. The large and solid base really adds some weight and heft to this toy, meaning that it can be a challenge to lift and manipulate if you struggle with holding heavy objects.
The silicone is perhaps a little more matte than I would ideally prefer, which means it can be quite grabby. For large toys like this one, that’s very noticeable. However, it’s nothing that you can’t solve with plenty of water-based lube. It also picks up quite a lot of lint and dust in storage, so you’ll want to give it a quick wash or wipe before each use.
Due to the grooves and ridges of the detailed design, I recommend boil-sterilising your Unicorn Dildo to ensure that it’s not harbouring any bacteria in those hard-to-clean areas.
Otherwise? No complaints at all.
Verdict
I love this product! Even in the second smallest size, it’s probably a little too large and hefty for me to actually use it super often, though it’ll definitely get the occasional outing for its intended purpose. It is playful and unique, the insertable part is genuinely well-designed, and when I’m not using it I’ll probably keep it on display anyway because it makes a fun ornament in the sex-positive den of chaos that is my office.
I love that Mr Hankey’s Toys are offering very large dildos made exclusively of body-safe materials. I often receive requests for large toy recommendations. Unfortunately, many of the manufacturers making them are still using unsafe and porous materials. Mr Hankey’s Toys products aren’t cheap, but you’ll get some serious quality for your money. With a little care, one of these toys could last years if not decades.
The Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Horn Dildo starts from $134.95 for the smallest size in a basic colourway. Prices increase as you go up in size and add customisations.
Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. This means they paid me to write a fair and honest review. All views and experiences are, as always, my own.
My identity and presentation as a femme is tremendously important to me. Femme is not just a way of dressing, but a way of sharing who I am with the world. It’s an inherently queer identity and my femme style is a way of living in and embodying my queerness every day. However, like many of us in recent years, I’ve also been thinking more about my impact on the planet and how to express my style in a more sustainable way. So, in collaboration with slow fashion brand IDENTITY LINGERIE, I wanted to talk about some of the changes I’ve made.
Acknowledgement and disclaimer: Before I dive in, I want to acknowledge that to a certain extent many sustainability practices (including those I have listed here) require privileges that many people do not have access to, including money and time. It is also not ultimately possible for individuals to save the planet. The biggest changes must come from corporations and governments. This list is not a prescription or a set of instructions, and you know best what is possible for your life. This is simply what works for me. I’m also far from perfect and frequently fail to live up to the high standards I set for myself. No ethical consumption under capitalism, etc.
Breaking Up with Fast Fashion
Fast fashion—brands that churn out massive quantities of ultra-cheap, throwaway clothing—is one of the world’s most polluting industries. It also exploits workers and harms animals. For all these reasons, I no longer buy new fast fashion items. Sustainable alternatives to new fast fashion if you like a particular style include thrifting pieces, finding alternatives from sustainable brands, or getting creative with items you already own.
Fast fashion brands encourage damaging practices like unnecessary impulse buys, large “hauls” of things that will be worn once or twice (or never worn), and fashions that change overnight.
Buying (and Selling/Donating) Second Hand
I love getting new clothes and shoes, but I actually very rarely buy anything apart from underwear brand new any more. My town has a large number of charity and second-hand shops, and I often find nice pieces at bargain prices there. I also spend far too much time browsing apps like Vinted and Depop and watch-listing things, a small fraction of which I’ll eventually buy. My favourite recent finds include a fabulous leather jacket and some Lucy & Yak rainbow dungarees.
I just had a major clear-out of clothes I no longer wear. I’m going to sell on a few bits, and the rest I’ll either pass on to friends, take to clothing swaps, or donate to charity. That way, they’re not either languishing in the back of my wardrobe or creating more waste, and can instead be worn and enjoyed by someone else.
Of course, second-hand clothing isn’t totally without its issues (delivery emissions when you buy or sell online being the obvious one, and it’s still possible to over-consume thrifted items), but it’s one way to reduce clothing waste and reduce purchases of new items while enjoying style in a more sustainable way.
Buying More Versatile Styles for Sustainable Rewearing
I enjoy getting creative with my presentation. For this reason, I love clothes, shoes, and accessories I can wear multiple ways. One of my favourite dresses at the moment is a simple one that I can dress down with leggings and a cardigan, make playful with fun tights and stompy boots, or dress way up with a petticoat, a waist belt and heels for a wedding or date.
For me, part of the fun of sustainable femme style is creating different looks by mixing and matching the same items in different ways.
I recently got this gorgeous green multiway dress from IDENTITY LINGERIE. IDENTITY is a slow fashion brand that makes lingerie, nightwear, dresses, and more, all while following zero-waste practices. This dress is wearable in so many different ways that it feels a bit like a new dress every time I put it on. The multiway bridesmaid dress trend has been popular for bridal parties for some time, but I think they’re a great choice for anyone looking to get more mileage out of one garment.
Buying Recycled and Upcycled Materials
Materials is a really complicated one when it comes to clothing, and there are no easy answers here. It’s also very, very hard to totally avoid unsustainable synthetic fibres such as polyester, nylon, and viscose. Some natural materials, such as cotton and bamboo, also present issues. The more sustainable alternatives can be expensive and hard to find, not to mention the confusion of wading through the muddy and often conflicting information out there.
One thing I’ve started trying to do, though, is look for more recycled and upcycled materials. This is a great way to support the “rescue” of materials that would otherwise end up in landfill.
For example, I recently reviewed a range of polyurethane (PU) leatheraccessories. PU is, in itself, pretty terrible environmentally. However, that particular brand manufactures its styles entirely from recycled materials, creating a sustainable alternative use for waste. I’ve also tried some gorgeous eco-friendly lingerie pieces over the years, many of which I still love.
Switching to Eco-Friendly Bathing & Beauty Products
Glitter is, of course, a staple of my personal femme style. But the wrong glitter products can also be hugely harmful to the environment. For that reason, you will only ever find eco-friendly, biodegradable glitter in my makeup bag.
I’ve tried to switch to more eco-friendly bathing and beauty products recently, too, including shampoo bars, mineral sunscreen, and products made without palm oil. This is in addition to my policy of not buying anything that was tested on animals.
Sustainable Style as an Ongoing Project
I’m sure I will keep learning more about sustainable style and eco-friendly practices, adjusting my habits as I go. None of us are (or can be) perfect. What matters is that we learn, grow, and try to do better every day.
IDENTITY LINGERIE gifted me the piece featured in this post. All views and writing, as always, are mine.
My Body Mist arrived beautifully presented in black and gold packaging decorated with flower motifs, matching the floral notes in the fragrange. The Body Mist comes in a gorgeous black spherical glass bottle with an old-fashioned fabric bulb to spray it on. The presentation is top-notch and luxurious, especially considering the very reasonable price-point.
Like all Bijoux Indiscrets products, Aphrodisia Body Mist is vegan and cruelty-free. The formula is also alcohol-free.
Aphrodisia is a floral scent consisting of rose, ylang ylang, and jasmine as the primary notes. It’s very floral and feminine, elegant yet still light and wearable.
The thing I like the most about fragrances is the stories, moods, and images they can invoke. When I spritz on a new scent, I like to close my eyes for a second and ask myself, who am I when I’m wearing this perfume? Where does it transport me to in my mind?
The story that the Aphrodisia scent tells me is one of fanciness imbued with sensuality. It makes me think of attending a black tie event wearing a ballgown, but with a little something extra… perhaps I’m wearing the tiniest, laciest underwear imaginable. Perhaps I’ve snuck on a body harness under my dress. Or perhaps I’m simply subtly making eyes at my lover across the room to let her know I’m already thinking about her ripping the dress off me when we get home.
The scent of the Bijoux Indiscrets Aphrodisia Body Mist is strong and distinctive when you first apply it – you really only need a spray or two. It mellows out over the hours as you wear it, but I’ve never found that I needed to reapply it. This means the 100ml bottle will last you ages.
Verdict
Aphrodisia Body Mist retails for €35 ($40 or £32.) I love this perfume, and I can’t believe how well-priced it is! No matter what I’m doing or where I’m going (or not going), it’s a lovely scent I can spray on when I want just a little extra fanciness in my day.
Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me the Aphrodisia Body Mist to try. All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.
Scent is powerful. It can evoke feelings, stir memories, and play a major role in the sensory experience of arousal and sex. That’s probably why pheromone perfume is having a big moment right now. There are 33.5k posts carrying the #pheromoneperfume tag on TikTok and 57.5k posts on Instagram at the time of writing. But do pheromone perfumes actually work? I was keen to find out. So when I got offered some Eye of Love pheromone perfume products to try out and review, I couldn’t wait to delve into what this viral craze is all about.
What Are Eye of Love Pheromone Perfumes?
To understand what pheromone perfumes are and whether they actually work, we first have to understand what pheromones are.
In short:
Officially named in 1959, pheromones are chemical substances that are secreted outside of the body in fluids like urine and sweat. Essentially, pheromones are a hidden form of communication. They send signals from one individual to another of the same species. This triggers a response in the individual receiving those signals, such as a hormonal change or specific behavior.
Interestingly, there is still a gap in scientific understanding when it comes to exactly how, or even if, pheromones work in humans. According to one paper from 2013 published in Facts, Views and Vision in ObGyn, “Many examples exist in animals but their role in humans remains uncertain since adults have no functioning vomeronasal organ, which processes pheromone signals in animals.” Deb Levine, MA and Stephanie Watson, writing for WebMD, say, “It’s not clear how the [pheromone] process works in humans. We do have VNO organs, but they’re small and may be too poorly developed to process pheromones like the VNO organs in animals can. More likely, we process these signals through our olfactory system.”
Pheromone perfumes, then, operate on the assumption that—like animals—humans use pheromones to increase their sexual attractiveness to potential mates. These fragrances contain synthetic versions of the substances that are commonly called human pheromones. The idea, then, is simple: wear them and people will be more attracted to you.
Eye of Love’s pheromone perfumes utilise two key compounds that have been deemed to be human pheromones or to have a pheromone-like effect in humans: estratetraenol and androstenol.
All Eye of Love perfumes are vegan and cruelty-free. They smell yummy, as we’ll discuss more a bit later. But do pheromone perfumes actually work?
Do Pheromone Perfumes Actually Work? What the Science Says
Eye of Love’s pheromone perfume, which I’m testing and reviewing today, can supposedly help you “be more attractive. Be more social. Be more successful.” All that from a perfume? It’s a lofty claim.
There’s a lot we don’t understand about how human attraction works. And, as we established in the section above, there’s also a lot we also don’t understand about how (or if) pheromones work in humans. So whether or not these pheromone perfumes actually “work” in any scientific sense isn’t really provable right now.
And look, I’m inherently somewhat cynical. As a general rule, I don’t believe in things for which I cannot see meaningful evidence.
Anecdotally, pheromone perfumes do seem to have a positive impact for many people. You’ll hear stories about service staff doubling their tips when they wear pheromone perfume, people getting asked out at the shops, and people suddenly having way more sex with their long term partners when they start using these products.
Is that down to the perfume, though? Honestly, until there’s more robust scientific backing behind the pheromone phenomenon, I’m going to assume it’s a placebo affect. If you believe something is going to make you more attractive, you’ll act like a person who believes themselves to be attractive. This, in itself, can be highly desirable. If you believe in the effects of the perfume, you might carry yourself with more confidence. This means you’ll project the open, flirtatious vibe of a person who knows they’re desirable and wants to be approached. In other words, it’s a simple placebo effect in action. Confidence can draw people to you in a way that might make you think “wow, it’s the pheromones!” when, spoiler alert, it’s actually all you.
Let’s not forget the fact that simply smelling nice can be a turn-on to many people. Scent can be incredibly erotic, so wearing a nice perfume can itself increase people’s attraction to you. When I see a woman I find attractive, smelling a nice perfume on her as she walks by can make her even sexier.
Shawn Talbott, PhD, quoted in a piece by Charlotte Hilton Anderson, MS, for The Healthy, also points out that “We know that plant compounds, like lavender and chamomile, can be used to reduce stress and enhance relaxation. So if stress is interfering with mood and suppressing libido, then we can use ‘plant pheromones’ to reduce stress. And if you’re less stressed then maybe your sex drive increases a bit.” In other words, the perfume might be having an impact but possibly not in the way you think.
The many positive pheromone perfume reviews could also be attributed, in part, to confirmation bias. In other words, if you expect to be more attractive wearing the perfume, you might notice attention from others more than you normally would (even if the actual type or amount of attention you’re receiving hasn’t changed.)
What I’m really saying is, if you’re going to try pheromone perfumes, go in with realistic expectations. You’re not going to just spritz this stuff on and instantly become irresistible to everyone of your preferred gender(s) who lays eyes on you. (That’s fairytale love potion silliness and even if it was real, it would be highly ethically questionable!)
What you might find, though, is that you find a little more confidence. A little more of your own, internal and unique brand of sexiness. And that can be just as magical, if not more so.
Eye of Love Pheromone Perfume: Matchmaker Collection Review
The Eye of Love pheromone perfume Matchmaker Collection consists of two scents: Black Diamond and Red Diamond. Red Diamond is marketed more towards straight women and other people looking to attract men, while Black Diamond is marketed towards straight men and other people looking to attract women. (There are LGBTQ+ versions of each also available—mine both say “Attract Her”—though I’m unclear on whether there’s any actual difference in the product! I assume they contain different pheromones according to the genders of the people you’re trying to attract.)
Ultimately, though, both scents (like all scents!) are gender-neutral and for whoever feels good wearing them.
Eye of Love “Black Diamond” Review
Eye of Love describes Black Diamond as “a bold blend of cedar, blackcurrant, and lemon. Undertones of oak, white amber, and musk.” I’m kinda wary of describing scents using gendered language, but this one feels decidedly masculine to me.
When I first put it on, the cedar is the main thing I can smell. I actually like this one more when I’ve been wearing it for a couple of hours and it’s had time to mellow out on my skin. At that point, the fruity scents start to come out a little more.
Black Diamond is definitely sexy. This one calls to mind dark corners in atmospheric cocktail bars, leaning over to kiss a soft butch girl whose lips taste of whiskey. It calls to mind the black leather and dark wood of the swankiest BDSM dungeons I’ve been to, of the tug of restraints around my wrists and the slap-slap-slap of a flogger across my back.
Ultimately, I think I enjoy this perfume best on someone else rather than on myself. Black Diamond is a lovely scent, I just don’t think it’s my scent.
Eye of Love “Red Diamond” Review
Eye of Love describes Red Diamond as “a sensual blend of jasmine, grapefruit, and amber with a touch of citrus.” There are also middle notes of lily and blackcurrent and base notes of musk and vanilla. It feels femme and flirty, and calls to mind the way that summer sunshine always makes me feel sensual and sexy.
This one feels far more at home on my skin. I like the way it softens over the hours I’m wearing it, leaving me feeling like I’m wearing a bouquet of fruit and flowers.
Red Diamond is sexy, too, but in a very different way to its counterpart. If Black Diamond is kissing in a dark corner of a cocktail bar, then Red Diamond is flirting at a wholesome coffee shop while thinking about all the terribly non-wholesome things I would like to consensually do to the pretty femme across the table.
This one smells good enough that I’ll seriously consider buying more when my sample bottle runs out.
Eye of Love Pheromone Perfume: Day to Night Bloom Set Review
I also received the Eye of Love Day to Night Bloom Set to review, which consists of two new fragrances from the Love in Bloom range: Sunny Daze and Lilac Dream. These fragrances draw inspiration from two strains of the cannabis plant: Sativa and Indica respectively. However, they do not actually contain any of those components.
These fragrances were, apparently, “specifically made to attract men” which is… not a thing my sapphic ass has any significant desire to do. However, since I don’t believe that the ways these these pheromone perfumes work actually has anything to do with gender (or indeed with pheromones), I don’t see any reason they shouldn’t also help me to feel sexy, confident and badass as I venture out attempting to meet women!
The TL/DR version is that I absolutely love both of these gorgeous fragrances.
Eye of Love Perfume: “Sunny Daze”
Sunny Daze is a sweet and floral perfume with top notes of bergamot, middle notes of Damascus rose, and base notes of jasmine. The rose comes out most strongly for me in this one, with the overall effect being super flowery. The jasmine comes through more after I’ve been wearing it for a while, softening and mellowing the rose fragrance so it’s not too overwhelming.
Sunny Daze is light and easy to wear, with just one or two spritzes needed to last me all day.
This one makes me think of strolling through a rose garden with a sweetie, or maybe sniffing a rose while wearing an ultra-girly floral dress. It evokes the pinks, reds, yellows, and oranges of blooming roses and the warmth of the sun on my back.
Eye of Love Perfume: “Lilac Dream”
If Sunny Daze is a wholesome daytime scent, Lilac Dream is its slightly more sultry twin that’s perfect for evening wear. Its top notes of vanilla and apple blossom are complemented by the middle notes of cashmere wood and base notes of musk, giving it a feminine yet warm, earthy vibe.
Lilac Dream is still light and summery, but with a hazy, romantic edge to it. This is the kind of perfume I’d spray on to have dinner at an outdoor restaurant or to head out for drinks by the beach when I’m on holiday somewhere hot.
Over time, the vanilla—which is the most prominent scent when I first spray this perfume on—fades into the background and allows the musky, woody notes to shine.
Eye of Love Classic Collection Pheromone Perfume Review: “After Dark” and “One Love”
Finally, I received “After Dark” and “One Love,” two pheromone perfumes from Eye of Love’s Classic Collection, to test and review.
Classic Collection “After Dark” Review
Eye of Love describes its After Dark scent as follows:
Sharp. Sexy. Bold. Want your evening to end with more than just a kiss? After Dark is the perfect scent to accompany you on a nighttime tryst or bring the passion back to life with your partner.
After Dark is definitely the sexier of these two classic fragrances. It contains top notes of galbanum oil, lily and grapefruit, middle notes of white chocolate and jasmine, and base notes of costus root, ambergris, and vanilla. The florals don’t come out as strongly as they do in some fragrances, and the overall effect is quite sultry. It calls to mind the kind of kiss you share at the end of an amazing first date, the kind of kiss that you just know is leading to a lot more.
This perfume feels quite androgynous to me, which isn’t always my personal vibe. However, I actually like this one more the longer I wear it. The initial sharpness wears down, leaving a warm fragrance with just a hint of underlying sweetness.
Classic Collection “One Love” Review
Eye of Love describes One Love as “refined femininity at its peak”. It contains top notes of orange, middle notes of jasmine, rose and lily, and base notes of musk, ambergris and vanilla. For me, the vanilla comes through the most strongly when I first apply the perfume. Over the next few hours as it settles onto my skin, it mellows and the rose and lily take centre stage.
One Love is a light, floral, and summery scent. It’s a fragrance I’d spritz on for a picnic date with a cutie in the park or to sit outside and drink cocktails on a sunny patio (the latter being exactly what I did with a friend the first time I wore this fragrance!) It evokes long warm evenings, long fruity drinks, and smelling the flowers on the nighttime breeze as we walk home.
This one is ultra femme and pleasingly easy to wear. It also lasts well, with a distinctive scent still detectable on my skin many hours after applying it.
How Did I Feel Wearing Eye of Love Pheromone Perfumes and Did They Actually Work to Make Me Feel Sexier?
I received Eye of Love pheromone perfume to review at an… interesting time. I’m not dating at the moment, mostly because I’m still recovering from the most brutal breakup of my entire life. So opportunities for trying pheromone perfumes out in actually “sexy” contexts to see if they’d actually work for me were few.
However, I did manage to find a few chances to try them while out with friends or Mr C&K. I’ve also been wearing them around the house to see if they can help to lift my mood amidst my endless fog of post-breakup depression, even if just for a moment.
As I mentioned up at the top of this post, I’m cynical. I’d need to see a lot more hard evidence to believe that pheromone perfume has any scientific merit behind it.
What I do believe in, though, is using cosmetics—including perfumes—to feel more like myself, evoke the kind of mood I want to project, and boost my confidence. I find scent powerful, and I do feel myself walking a little taller and smiling a little more when I know my makeup looks good and I smell nice. Who doesn’t feel more confident with a spritz of a scent that makes them feel most like themselves? Confidence is the sexiest thing of all to many people, and it’s something I have been sorely lacking in the last couple of months.
There’s even something a little bit magical in spraying on something from a bottle labelled “attract her.” The perfume probably won’t, in itself, attract her (whoever she is)… but maybe, when the time is right,I can? But it did help me to briefly remember what it feels like to see myself as sexy, attractive, and desirable. And right now? Honestly, that’s something.
Where to Buy Eye of Love Pheromone Perfume
All of these pheromone perfume products are available directly from Eye of Love:
Thanks to Eye of Love for sending me these pheromone perfumes to try. All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.
One of the fun things about being both a femme and a sex blogger at this time of year is seeing all the sweet, cutesy, pink-and-hearts-and-flowers themed products that companies are putting out for Valentine’s Day. Bijoux Indiscrets were kind enough to send me this year’s Valentine’s offering from their range: the Bubblegum Play Kit which includes a lube, a massage oil, and a lipgloss.
Bijoux Indiscrets Bubblegum Play Kit: Lube, Massage Oil and Lipgloss
The Bubblegum Play Kit contains three products: a warming massage oil, a full-body massage gel that doubles as a water-based lube, and a lipgloss. Each one is scented and flavoured like bubblegum. All three products, like everything in Bijoux’s range, are vegan.
The kit came packaged in a cute pink box with a heart on the front, much like the packaging you might get on a gift set of cosmetics or bath products. The overall effect, like the products themselves, is sweet to the point of saccharine. But how did the contents stack up? Let’s take a closer look at each item.
Warming Massage Oil
This isn’t really an oil in the true sense of the word. As far as I can tell, it doesn’t actually contain any oil at all. It’s really a water-based gel that warms as you massage it in. Still, we’ll call it “massage oil” to distinguish it from the other massage product in this kit.
For me, it takes about a minute to feel the massage oil warming on my skin. You’ll get a more intense warming sensation if you blow gently on it.
I found that the bubblegum massage oil didn’t really blend or get fully absorbed into the skin the way some oils and lubes do. Instead, it tends to linger on the surface. This can be a good thing, as a little bit goes a long way and there’s no need to keep reapplying it. However, it can also be a problem if you don’t enjoy the feeling of having oil or gel lingering on your skin.
This is by far the nicest tasting of the three products. It’s very, very, very sweet, so you’ll want to know that going on. That sweetness is likely due to its first ingredient: glycerin. Due to the glycerin, I found that my hands and skin felt quite sticky after using it and I wanted to wash it off. Glycerin is okay in a massage product in the way it wouldn’t be in a lube, but from a sensory perspective it is a downside to this bubblegum massage oil.
Stickiness aside, though, this is a fine massage gel and the sweet bubblegum taste and pink aesthetic gives it a fun and playful vibe.
You can buy this oil separately for €22/£20. It’s also available in caramel & sea salt and strawberry & honey flavours.
Full Body Bubblegum Massage Gel/Lube
According to Bijoux Indiscrets, this bubblegum flavoured water-based massage gel can double up as an intimate lube. It has quite a long list of ingredients, so you’ll want to review it carefully to make sure there’s nothing you’re sensitive to.
I can’t see anything alarming in the ingredients, but I’m also not enough of an expert to declare them all definitely fine. At the very least this bubblegum gel/lube contains no glycerin or parabens, though it does contain “Aroma” (artificial fragrance/flavour) which is not very specific and can include any number of things.
I do quite like the feeling of this one. It’s somewhere between a thick liquid and a thin gel, and it spreads across the skin nicely and lasts well. However, unlike the massage oil, this gel tastes really unpleasant to me. Instead of sweetness, it’s got a horrible chemical-y taste. I’m quite sensitive to artificial sweeteners and I can really, really taste them in this.
I probably won’t finish this one, honestly. I’m “meh” on flavoured lubes at best to begin with and this isn’t a nice tasting one.
Oral Pleasure Lip Gloss
This lip gloss is more subtly flavoured than the lube and massage oil, but still has a distinctive bubblegum flavour.
After you apply it, you start getting a tingling sensation thanks to the peppermint oil it contains. I think, based on the name, the idea is that you put it on and then perform oral sex with it. I haven’t had the opportunity to try that but I did try putting a bit on my vulva, just to see what the effect would be. It gave a kinda pleasurable tingly, warming feeling a bit like a warming lube or menthol pleasure balm. So that effect might translate if you used it during oral?
The warming and tingling is really noticeable on my lips, to the point that it becomes uncomfortable if I use too much. You really only need a little bit of this one.
This lipgloss lasts well and gives a nice glossy shine. It’s a little sticky, which wasn’t a problem once it was on but made applying it with my fingers annoying. A brush or wand would be better than the pump top bottle. Neither the lube nor the lipgloss are ass aggressively sweet as the massage oil in the Bubblegum Play Kit.
Verdict
I generally liked two out of the three products in this kit and will definitely finish them, though the bubblegum lube was a miss for me. However, at €60/£54 it’s pretty pricey for what it is. For that reason I don’t think I’d buy it again.
If you have a femme in your life who really likes pink things and bubblegum, though, it could be a cute and sensual Valentine’s Day gift.
Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me this product to review! All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.
