There are a lot of so-called hands-free vibrators on the market, from wearables to knicker vibrators and more. However, far fewer of them are actually hands-free in any meaningful sense. Most of them require at least some manual input to keep them in place. Since the main selling point of these toys is that they enable you to use your hands to do other things while using them, it’s always disappointing when they don’t work as advertised. As such, I am continuously on the hunt for hands-free toys that really are hands-free.
I love wand vibrators, as my long-time readers know. Big fan. However, sometimes I opt not to use one when I might otherwise have liked to because they’re also heavy and unwieldy. If I’m tired or having a bad pain day, holding one for the amount of time it takes to get off might not be feasible. For that reason, I’ve long been curious to try a wand vibrator harness.
UPKO kindly sent me their remote control wand vibrator and thigh harness combo to try. Let’s dive in!
UPKO Remote Control Wand Vibrator and Vibrator Harness
The UPKO Remote Control Wand Vibrator measures 12″ in length. Both the handle and the head are coated in body-safe silicone. It weighs in at a fairly heavy 380g.
The wand is IPX6 waterproof which means it should not be submerged. It is USB rechargeable and you’ll get around 90 minutes runtime from a 2 hour charge. Included is a remote control which works from a range of up to 10 metres.
The other part of the kit is a thigh vibrator harness. This is made of nylon and consists of two thick black bands decorated with gold coloured metal hardware and an embroidered UPKO insignia. The harness fastens with velcro straps and is adjustable up to around 22″ in the upper band and 18″ in the lower. Each band features a smaller strap that sits on the inside of the leg and is designed to hold the wand in place against the genitals.
Bafflingly, the marketing copy for this set includes the phrase “wearing it in public triggers a strong sense of embarrassment.” Which isn’t technically untrue, I’m sure, but… wearing this in public would also trigger a strong sense of getting arrested for public indecency. It’s not a little insertable or knicker vibe, it’s a giant fuckoff wand. There is no universe in which you’re using this in public.
With that said, let’s look at the pros and cons of this set.
UPKO Wand Vibrator & Harness Kit: What I Liked
- It arrived beautifully packaged in a smart and sturdy branded box
- There are six settings – two constant vibration speeds and four patterns – and dual controls so you can scroll through them in either direction.
- The motor has a decent amount of power behind it (not the rumbliness I’d prefer, though – see below.)
- The flexible neck makes it easy to turn and position the head whatever way works best for your body.
- The vibrator harness holds the wand in place effectively. After a little experimenting with positions and the tightness of the straps, I was able to enjoy this toy truly hands-free.
- The harness is also pretty comfortable to wear.
- The texturing on the wand’s head adds to the clitoral stimulation it provides.
- The hands-free nature of this set presents some intriguing – and kinky – possibilities. Why not combine it with other bondage fun such as cuffs or shibari, or use it for orgasm control or forced orgasm play?
- The vibrator is fairly quiet even on its top setting, clocking in at under 55db.
- The buttons are easy to press and satisfyingly clicky.
Anything I Didn’t Like?
- The aesthetic is weird and dull. Why is it so grey? I suspect they were going for an elegant and classy vibe but it just doesn’t work for me.
- The vibrations might be powerful, but they’re also pretty buzzy. I could get an orgasm out of this thing but it required a couple of pauses mid-session because it was starting to numb me out.
- The harness is not as size-inclusive as it could be. The upper band is adjustable up to around 22″ in circumference but it would be trivial to add longer straps to make it suitable for bigger bodies.
- The + and – buttons blend in with the surrounding silicone. Making them a different colour, more pronounced, or light-up would make them easier to use particularly in low light.
Verdict
This is not a bad kit for the price. You get a body-safe wand vibrator with a few different settings and a harness for a relatively affordable $129 (at the time of writing, on sale and down to $99.)
Ultimately, the wand itself is only mediocre and I’m unlikely to reach for it again. The harness, though, I do like. I’ll probably be trying it with other wand vibrators in my collection.
Thanks to UPKO for sending me this kit to review. As always, views and writing are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.
