What are the Best Vibrators for Long Distance Play?

I’m not in a serious long distance relationship at the moment (though I do have a lovely long distance play partner). But until a few months ago, I had a partner who lived in a different city. We saw each other about once a month, and kept in touch using various methods in between. We texted, sexted, had virtual dates, and – yes – occasionally played with remote vibrators.

Sales of high-tech, remote-capable sex toys boomed in the first months of the Covid-19 pandemic. Whether you’re temporarily separated by travel restrictions, one of you is travelling for work, or you currently (or permanently) live apart, you can enjoy sex from anywhere in the world with the right remote sex toy.

This is just one of the use-cases for the large, and growing, market for sex toys that can be controlled over long distances. If you enjoy the thrill of wearing a sex toy out and about and handing control to your partner, a long-distance vibrator can also be a good investment. They tend to be much more reliable than the ones with short-range handheld remotes.

Another popular use-case for long-distance vibrators is for those who do online camming. Say you’ve set up your custom Chaturbate profile and built a loyal following, what’s next? Many performers find that using a remote vibe, and allowing fans to take control of it in exchange for tips, is a fun way to boost their earnings. Lovense toys are specifically designed with this functionality in mind.

But what are the best vibrators for long distance couples, cam models, and anyone else who needs a toy with remote control capability? Turns out that’s not a simple question to answer. Here are a few things you might want to consider to help you choose the best long-distance sex toy for YOU.

What’s Your Budget?

App-controlled and long distance sex toys are becoming more accessible, price-wise, as more and more companies are making them. You might say that sex tech has gone mainstream! Even so, there are products available at a wide range of price points. Lower priced products in this category tend to start at around the $80 mark, but you can easily spend hundreds of dollars for high-end products from some brands.

Before you start shopping, decide on your budget. You might need to compromise on some features, depending on how much you want to spend. Which brings us to…

Which Features Matter Most to You?

You should also consider which features you want your toys to have and what matters the most to you. For some people, the most important feature will be the toy’s level of power. Though there are exceptions, many people who use sex toys tend to prefer strong, rumbly vibrations over weaker, buzzier ones.

App reliability is another big factor to consider. You don’t want the connection to keep dropping in the middle of your hot virtual sex date! And if you’re into the idea of semi-public play (or live with family/roommates), the volume of the toy might also be important to you.

When it comes to power, volume, and app connectivity, the best thing you can do is read honest reviews like the ones you’ll find here and on other sex blogs. Good sex toy bloggers test things robustly and call it as we see it when we give our verdict on a product.

Some app-controlled sex toys are more feature-rich than others. At the most basic level, app control will allow your partner to switch the toy on and off and scroll through a pre-set range of speeds and patterns. More advanced products have all kinds of fancy bonus features. For example, some toys allow you to draw your own vibration patterns, sync the vibrations to music, or even use your wearable toy as an alarm.

The Lovense Connect app
App: Lovense Connect

If you’re non-monogamous or do certain types of sex work, such as camming or phone sex, the option to give control to different people at the touch of a button might be important to you. Some toys only let you add one partner to their apps at a time. This means that you have to delete and re-add every time you’re playing with a different person.

The Most Powerful App-Controlled Toys

Two of the biggest players in app-controlled sex toys right now are Lovense and We-Vibe. These products are popular for a reason – they are, in the main, high quality, reliable, and powerful vibes. But they are far from the only options on the market. Other options include Lovehoney’s Desire range as well as products from brands like Kiiroo, Svakom, and Lelo. I strongly suspect that over the next few years, most of the major sex toy brands will start bringing out app-controlled toys, if they haven’t already.

From a personal perspective, I have found We-Vibe’s products to be the most consistently powerful app-controlled toys I’ve tried. Lovense products are also generally pretty powerful. Interestingly, however, I found their most iconic and popular product (the Lush) rather lacklustre in the power department.

Consider Privacy

I am far from a digital privacy expert. I do know that some people with far more knowledge than me have expressed legitimate concerns over the privacy aspect of app-connected sex toys. Ultimately, you must do your own research and decide your level of acceptable risk. If you’re concerned, read the privacy policy of the company you’re considering buying from. You can also check out reviews from sex tech experts to see what they have to say about the privacy aspect.

A Few Specific Recommendations

As you can see, it’s not easy to give a blanket answer to the question “what are the best vibrators for long-distance sex?” Ultimately, what’s best for you will depend on your personal preferences and the various factors I’ve discussed in this piece.

But from a personal perspective, here are a few of the app-controlled sex toys that I like the most:

  • Lovense Ferri, a fabulously powerful-yet-discreet knicker vibe.
  • Lovense Domi, a genuinely brilliant wand. You don’t see app-controlled wand vibrators very often, which makes this one even more appealing.
  • We-Vibe Nova 2, an app-controlled rabbit vibe with a fantastic clit-friendly design.
  • We-Vibe Chorus, designed for clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex but also ideal for hands-free long-distance play.
  • Hot Octopuss x Kiiroo Pulse Solo, a high-tech update to the innovative masturbator inspired by medical technology.

This post was sponsored by Designurbate, a tool that allows you to customize your Chaturbate profile and stand out from the crowd. All writing and views are, as always, my own.

5 Sexy New Year’s Resolutions I’m Making

Belated happy 2022, folks! I completely failed to mark the occasion, but 31 December 2021 was the fifth anniversary of Coffee & Kink. What started out as a little passion project ended up completely changing my life. So whether you’ve been here since the beginning or you’re just joining me now, thank you so much for reading.

With the beginning of the year comes new challenges, new adventures, and – yes – new year’s resolutions. I don’t really believe in the “typical” resolutions, because I think they’re mostly built on false premises and values I don’t subscribe to. 

What I do believe in, though, is taking any opportunity to focus on and improve our sex lives! Whether you’re planning to buy a vibrator for the first time, switch to eco-friendly sex toys (more on why this is one of mine in a minute!), or talk to your partner about trying BDSM, I hope you’ll take time for yourself and your pleasure this year. 

To that end, here are five sexy new year’s resolutions I’m making in 2022.

Become a More Conscious Consumer

Love Not War Koi eco friendly vibrator

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my impact on the planet. I stopped eating meat several years ago, but I’ve started incorporating more vegan foods into my diet, buying locally where possible, and generally trying to approach food in a more sustainable way. I don’t have periods at the moment (praise Mirena!) but, if I start having them again, I’ve promised myself that I’ll try reuseable menstrual cups instead of pads or tampons. Of course, no-one is perfect and it’s impossible to completely mitigate one’s environmental footprint, but if we all make small steps they really can make a big difference.

One way to become a more conscious consumer, and one that is often forgotten, is in the realm of sexuality. And one of the most fun ways to do that? Buy eco-friendly sex toys!

I recently tried the Koi vibrator from Love Not War. Love Not War vibrators are made using as few materials as possible, and are constructed from silicone and recycled aluminium. There is no single-use plastic and the small amount of plastic that is necessary is recycled within the factory. It arrives in eco-friendly, brown cardboard packaging, and even the little storage pouch for your toy is made from environmentally friendly bamboo fabric. Best of all? The electronics unit works with all the interchangeable heads, which you can buy separately. So you can try lots of different sensations without needing to buy a new battery unit for each one.

Love Not War Koi sustainable vibrator

Oh, and it’s a damn good vibrator, too. The Love Not War Koi is powerful, rumbly, and has a fabulous wide head for all-over vulva stimulation.

Other ways to make your sex life more environmentally friendly include switching to ethically-made lubricants with organic ingredients, buying lingerie made from sustainable and recycled fabrics, and avoiding products with tonnes of single-use plastic packaging. Buying glass, silicone, or stainless steel toys instead of hard plastic is another great option, as is choosing rechargeable toys rather than those powered by disposable batteries. Some manufacturers, such as Lovehoney, will also recycle old sex toys so they don’t end up in landfill.

Remember to Masturbate for Fun!

“So, what, you get paid to masturbate?” people say when I tell them I test and review sex toys for a living. And… yes, kind of, but not really. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and I’m incredibly lucky that I get paid to try out some awesome and innovative sex toys. But it’s far more than just “being paid to masturbate”.

For every toy review that appears on this site, there are hours of testing, taking notes, and sometimes discussing the product with my partner. Then there’s writing it up, proofreading and editing, taking and editing photos, creating a header image, adding tags and categories, and then promoting the post on social media once it’s live.

I love my job, but it’s still my job. This year, I want to remember that self-pleasure is supposed to be about, well, pleasure. This means taking the time to masturbate just for fun, with the toys (or lack thereof) that I feel like using, without the pressure to write about it afterwards. 

Start Dating Again

This one might be a little trickier, what with that ongoing pandemic thing, but I’m an optimist and I’m going to do my best!

Many of you may remember that I went through a truly terrible break-up in late 2021. As a result, I decided to take a long break from dating anyone except my nesting partner. This was unquestionably the right decision, as I needed time to process and heal from what happened. But I’m starting to feel like dating again might be a good thing for me.

I’m trying to keep my resolutions for 2022 squarely in the realm of “things I can actually control”. So I’m not going to promise to go on 15 dates this year, or have a girlfriend by December (if only…). But I am going to get myself back on some dating apps, flirt with some pretty humans, and maybe ask someone out if they seem like a good fit.

Take More Sexy Selfies

My body image has been a little all over the place recently. Perhaps unsurprising in these ongoing Covid times. As a result, I haven’t been taking many sexy pics recently except when I need them for lingerie reviews. I always get a good reaction when I do take them and send them to a lover, play partner, or long distance crush… and honestly, even if I don’t send them to anyone, taking them and looking at them makes me feel hot and desirable.

2022 shall be the year of the nude selfie!

Try a New Kink

What will that new kink be? I don’t know yet! But I recently read Kate Sloan’s fabulous book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, and it’s given me more than a few ideas.

One of the things I love the most about sexuality is its infinite variety. Just when I think I’ve seen it all, I come across a new kink or fetish I’ve never even heard of. So maybe this year I’ll try something that’s been on my bucket list for years, or maybe I’ll end up trying a kink I don’t even know exists yet. The point is less about the specific act itself, and more about committing to a state of ongoing openness, curiosity, and adventure.

What’s on your 2022 sexy resolutions list, lovelies?

This post was sponsored by the good folks at Love Not War, an eco-conscious and sustainable toy company that also happens to make gorgeous, powerful vibrators in a range of interesting shapes and styles. All opinions are, as always, completely my own. Images are by Love Not War and used with permission.

How Wand Vibrators Helped Me Reclaim My Sexuality When Antidepressants Killed It

I’ve been on antidepressants for the majority of my adult life, in three separate stints (having come off them most recently earlier this year). I’m very pro medication for those who need it which, at the times I was taking it, I absolutely did. I’m not exaggerating when I say that those meds saved my life on more than one occasion.

Wand vibrators - Honey Wand from Honey Play Box
Honey Wand by Honey Play Box

But like any medications, antidepressants often have side effects, which can range in severity from mildly annoying to seriously debilitating. One of the worst side effects I experienced on two out of the three antidepressants I tried was a significant change to my sexuality. This manifested in different ways on each drug.

On Fluoxetine (Prozac), I pretty much lost my sex drive entirely for months. Anything that had been pleasurable just felt like… nothing. This wasn’t limited to sex, either – I also lost my appetite and all ability to derive pleasure from food. On Citalopram, I lost my ability to orgasm while my body adjusted to the meds. While this did have some pleasant results (particularly discovering that I have an orgasm denial kink), it was also upsetting and frustrating. Feeling like I had no control over my body and like I’d lost one of my greatest sources of pleasure was so damaging that I seriously considered coming off the meds that were otherwise helping with my depression.

Trying Sex Toys

The first time antidepressants killed my sex life, I was so thoroughly miserable (both from the depression and from the side effects of the meds) that I wasn’t even interested in reclaiming it. I’m pretty sure I didn’t have sex or masturbate for about nine months at one stage. In hindsight, this probably made things even worse, because my sexuality has always been one of the key ways that I access pleasure and joy. At that time, I didn’t own any sex toys, and any touch from either myself or my partner left me cold.

The second time was a different matter, though. This time, the antidepressants actually took the edge off the worst of the sadness and hopelessness, and I still wanted sex. I just couldn’t orgasm, either with my partner or by myself. Though orgasm is not necessarily the goal of sex, this quickly became frustrating and then enraging. I felt like my body was betraying me. Like I had to choose between having a properly functioning brain and a satisfying sex life.

The turning point came when my then-partner pulled out a wand vibrator after about a month of this issue. That thing finally broke through the orgasm block. And, once that dam broke, it became easier and easier to get there again. I invested in a wand for myself pretty quickly after that, and it became my go-to toy.

Breaking Through the Depression-Haze

Even now, when I’m not currently on any psychiatric medication (though I accept I might be again in the future), I’m most likely to reach for my wand vibes when I’m in the middle of a bad depression funk. Contrary to popular belief, it’s still possible to feel horny at the same time as being depressed. Sad people need pleasure and orgasms, too! There have also been times when I haven’t felt horny, but I knew intellectually that an orgasm would make me feel better.

Sometimes, when I’m very very depressed, I feel as though there’s a kind of fog around me. The fog keeps me at least partly disconnected from everything and everyone around me. At its worst, it creates a sense of being somewhat outside and detached from my own body. In this state, many types of touch that would normally be pleasurable struggle to penetrate the fog. When that happens, I need intense stimulation and lots of it. It’s times like this that I might crave certain BDSM activities even more than usual. It’s also times like this when knock-your-socks-off powerful wand vibes are a Godsend.

The thing with my favourite wand vibes is that ultimately, they can wrench an orgasm from my body with very little active input from me. This has a lot of fun potential (forced orgasm scenes anyone?) It’s also extremely useful during periods of significant depression. If I want to orgasm at my own or a partner’s hand, or with a lower powered toy, it can be fun but often requires significant effort, mentally if not physically. With a powerful enough wand, I basically just put it in the right spot and wait for the orgasm to happen. In this way, I can access pleasure and the positive physical and mental health benefits of orgasm even when I feel so low I don’t want to leave my bed.

Sexual Pleasure Matters

When someone is dealing with severe health issues, either physical or mental, it’s often tempting to see sexual pleasure as trivial. Certainly when I spoke to my doctor about the side effects of my various medications, they dismissed my concerns. Did I want to be able to orgasm or did I want to not be sad? Because I couldn’t have both.

Except I actually could, and I needed and deserved to have both.

If you’re struggling with pleasure or orgasm due to health issues and medication, I want you to hear this: sexual pleasure matters! It’s not trivial and it’s not unimportant. If it’s important to you, then it matters. And you deserve to have what you need to feel sexually satisfied – whether that’s a change of medication, a super powerful vibrator, or just to change up what you’re doing.

Thanks to Honey Play Box for sponsoring this post. All views and experiences are my own!

[Toy Review] Orgazmic Waterproof Clitoral Vibrator

When Honey Play Box invited me to review some products from their extensive range, I was immediately drawn to the Orgazmic Waterproof Clitoral Vibrator. Its interesting shape and remote control functionality suggested a range of interesting possibilities.

But did it impress me when I tried it out?

What is the Orgazmic?

Orgazmic waterproof clitoral vibrator, vibrator for women, people with vulvas, couples

The Orgazmic is a small clitoral vibrator. It measures 4.16″ in length and 1.05″ across at the widest point and is coated in 100% body-safe, hypoallergenic silicone. It’s available in pink or purple. It is rechargeable via the included magnetic cable, with a full charge giving around 2 hours of play.

The Orgazmic is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower if that’s your thing.

My Orgazmic came packaged discreetly in a solid, plain black box. Great for gifting and also works well as a storage box.

My Experience

As soon as I pulled it out of the box, I knew I was going to absolutely love the shape of the Orgazmic. It is slightly curved, similar in shape to “panty vibes” you may have seen, with ribbing in the silicone at the wider end and a raised nub in the centre. This is a vibrator that’s absolutely made for grinding on! Slide it between bodies during sex with a partner, or place it on a firm surface. It also rests comfortably against the vulva as a lay-on toy, or even slips into your underwear, if you prefer.

Orgazmic panty vibrator, clitoral vibrator

The Orgazmic offers 9 different vibration modes including 3 constant speeds and 9 patterns, and operates on a simple 1 button interface.

Orgazmic waterproof vibrator

While the Orgazmic offers a decent level of power for such a small toy, I really would have liked it to be rumblier. I much prefer deep, penetrating rumbles to the more surface-level vibes of the Orgazmic. Of course, this isn’t a universal experience! If you prefer higher frequency vibrations, the Orgazmic will suit you well.

The Orgazmic is easy to clean when you’re done. Just use some warm water and gentle soap or a sterile medical wipe.

Remote Control Capabilities

The Orgazmic comes with a separate remote control, which you can slip into your pocket or hand to your partner. I’m not sure exactly what the range is, but I tested it at a range of about 10 metres and it worked perfectly, so it’ll be suitable for most remote control play when you’re in the same physical space.

Remote from remote control vibrator panty vibrator

The Orgazmic is quiet-ish, topping out at around 45 dB. If you want to use it out and about, I’d recommend choosing spaces that have a decent level of ambient noise to begin with. Remember it’s not cool to involve others in your play without consent!

Remember that the remote control will also need charging (via the same cable as the toy), so factor that in to your charging time before you play.

Verdict

The Orgazmic is a decent all-rounder if you like buzzier vibrations. It’s got a great shape, reliable remote control compatibility, and a good number of settings and patterns to choose from.

The Orgazmic retails for $51.99.

This review was sponsored by Honey Play Box. This means they provided me with this product and paid me to write a fair and honest review. All opinions are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Seduction and Alvina Tongue Vibrators

My favourite types of sex toys to try are those that I look at and think “I can’t even imagine what that would feel like!” Call me a curious creature, I guess. That’s why I was spoiled for choice when the good folks at Honey Play Box reached out and offered me a selection of products from their extensive catalogue – which includes suction toys, tongue vibrators, traditional vibes, and much more – to try.

Alvina and Seduction tongue vibrators from Honey Play Box
Seduction (back) and Alvina.

In the end, I chose four products to test, and I’m going to talk about two of them in this post. “Tongue vibrators” are hit and miss for me in general, and I don’t think it’s realistic to expect a toy to effectively mimic receiving oral sex from a human partner. So with that in mind, could the Seduction and Alvina vibrators from Honey Play Box impress me?

Seduction

The Seduction (or Seduction Stimulation Suction Vibrator, to give it its full title) won the Xbiz Toy of the Year Award 2021, so I was very keen to test this award-winning product.

Honey Play Box seduction clit licking tongue vibrator suction vibrator

The Seduction’s innovative design combines suction (of the type you’d get from a pussy pump) with a rapid licking action from a small silicone tongue. The wide head sits over your vulva, creating a seal. This then provides suction either constantly or in a pulsing pattern, while the tongue laps at your clit. There are 5 suction modes and 10 tongue modes to choose from.

Buttons on Honey Play Box Seduction tongue vibrator

The only real downside for me was that I struggled to get the Seduction to create a proper vacuum against my vulva due to my pubic hair. I feel like this toy was definitely designed with hairless pussies or heavily trimmed pubes in mind. Getting it to stick in place and create a seal was a matter of trial and error, and it would dislodge with a small wrong movement. Adding a little water-based lube around the rim helped to get a seal.

Honey Play Box Seduction clit licking suction vibrator for a review of tongue vibrators

That frustration aside, I genuinely enjoyed using the Seduction. The suction function offers a new and different sensation that’s unlike any toy I’ve used before, and the flicking tongue is perfect for those like me who love intense and targeted clitoral stimulation.

The Seduction is rechargeable via the included cable (a full charge lasts around 3 hours) and made of body-safe silicone with ABS plastic accents. It’s also pretty quiet. The suction makes a distinctive whirring noise, but it’s not super loud and is unlikely to be audible, say, in the next room. The flicking tongue is impressively quiet. The Seduction is splashproof but not waterproof, so clean it with a medical wipe or a warm damp cloth but do not submerge it underwater.

Alvina

The Alvina (full title Alvina Luxury Tongue Licking Clitoral Vibrator) features a circular handle/base with a finger loop for ease of use. It’s ultra light and a pretty rose pink/red colour.

Alvina tongue vibrator for a review of Honey Play Box tongue vibrators

The Alvina opens at the top to reveal a wide silicone tongue. This tongue flicks back and forth in any one of 9 different speeds and patterns, controlled by a single button, and can be used by itself or with any of the 9 vibration patterns controlled by the second button. You can mix and match the two functions in any combination, creating over 80 different possible combinations. Pretty neat!

My clit adores the Alvina’s wide, flat tongue, especially when combined with plenty of lube. The gentle, rhythmical lapping is an amazing warm up and, when I add the vibrations, it becomes intense enough to get me off quickly and reliably.

Alvina tongue vibrator clitoral oral sex simulator

The vibrations are quite “buzzy”, which I’m usually not a big fan of, but in this context I find I don’t mind. I think the combination of vibration and tongue motion means that I don’t really notice that the vibes are buzzier than I’d typically go for.

Buttons on Alvina clit tongue vibrator from Honey Play Box

The Alvina is rechargeable, with a full charge lasting up to 3 hours. Like the Seduction, it’s impressively quiet. Made of silicone with ABS plastic, it is hygienic and body-safe. The Alvina is also waterproof, in case bath or shower play is your thing. Clean it using warm, soapy water or a sterile medical wipe.

So Which Do I Like More?

It’s a tough call, as I was genuinely impressed by both of these toys. But I think ultimately the Alvina has the edge for me. I found the slightly wider tongue more friendly to my sensitive clit, and this design more compatible with a body with pubic hair. But these are both cleverly designed, effective tongue vibrators that are distinct from anything else I have in my collection.

The Seduction retails for $106.99 and the Alvina retails for $71.99.

Heads up: this review was sponsored, meaning I was paid to test the products and provide my honest opinion. All views are my own, as always.

[Toy Review] Sohimi Rose Queen

I tend to come to cheap sex toys with a healthy degree of scepticism. Yes, there are amazing toys costing under £30 out there. But so many budget sex toys are poor in quality, made of unsafe materials, have shitty buzzy motors, or die after three uses. I say all this to illustrate how impressed I was with the Sohimi Rose Queen, a $37.99 (that’s about £27.50) dual purpose sex toy that absolutely blew me away.

A Rose Queen by any other name…

(Yes, there are going to be rose puns.)

The Sohimi Rose Queen is a dual purpose sex toy shaped like – you guessed it – a rose on a stem. Look how pretty it is!

Sohimi Rose Queen review product

The flower part of the rose houses a clitoral suction toy, while the handle is a vibrator that can be used internally or externally. Given that the rose head offers a form of flared base, you could even use it anally, if you wanted.

The Sohimi Rose Queen is made of soft and body-safe silicone in a bright shade of red. (Real silicone, not a weird blend or an unsafe gel material masquerading as silicone!) It is rechargeable, offering an hour’s run time and taking around two hours to charge via the included magnetic cable, and fully waterproof.

Sohimi Rose Queen clit sucking vibrator

This toy measures 8″ in total length, of which 6″ makes up the insertable handle and 2″ the rose head. The shaft measures 1.3″ in diameter at the widest point and is lovely and flexible.

Interface and functionality

The Sohimi Rose Queen features two buttons, located on the top of the shaft just below the rose head. The top button (with a lips icon) controls the suction functionality, while the bottom button (with a vibration waves icon) controls the vibrations in the shaft.

Sohimi Rose Queen double ended vibrator buttons

You can use both settings at once, though I’m not really sure why you’d want to.

The clitoral sucking rose head offers five settings: three constant speeds and two pulsing settings. The vibrating end, meanwhile, offers 10 settings: 3 speeds and 7 patterns. I’d have preferred two-way controls, as you have to scroll all the way through to find the settings you want, but we can’t have everything. Remember, this is a $38 vibrator.

Sohimi Rose Queen close-up of clitoral sucking vibrator

Volume-wise, the Rose Queen is acceptable. The vibrations are about what you’d expect for the level of power on offer. Unusually, the clitoral suction end actually gets louder when applied to the body. According to Sohimi, the toy’s highest volume is still under 30 dB, so it’s not egregiously loud or anything.

Rose to the occasion?

So how did the Sohimi Rose Queen fare in use?

The most important thing with any sex toy, ultimately, is “did it get me off?” And dear God, yes, the Rose Queen got me off!

The nozzle is wide enough to encompass a good portion of the external clit, and the silicone is soft enough to provide comfort during use, especially if you add plenty of lube to its rim.

Here’s something I’ve learned: if suction sex toys feel too intense for you, try applying the nozzle over your clitoral hood rather than directly to the glans itself. Many people find that this lowers the overwhelming intensity without reducing pleasure.

Sohimi Rose Queen flexible shaft vibrator

The shape of this toy is a real godsend. Many suction toys are difficult to hold or position in the way that works for my body, simply due to their shape. But the Sohimi Rose Queen’s flexible stem handle is not only comfortable and ergonomic to hold, but also makes it easy to manipulate the toy into my desired position and keep it there.

The vibrating end did less for me. I’m not a fan of internal vibrations, and the vibes are a little too buzzy to do much for me in the way of clitoral stimulation. However, the firm-yet-flexible silicone means it can be used as an insertable dildo for G-spot (or prostate) stimulation, if that’s your thing.

I doubt I’ll reach for the Rose Queen for internal use much, if at all. But that rose head end though? Yes, that’s going to see plenty of use!

Verdict

If you’re looking for an affordable, dual purpose sex toy that offers both vibrations and sucking action, then you’ve found it. The Rose Queen isn’t perfect, of course. The lack of two-way controls and the buzzy vibrations are notable downsides. But overall, it’s a great product that is made of quality materials and gets the job done.

I don’t usually care much about packaging, unless you count getting upset by excessive single-use plastics. But the Rose Queen came packaged in a lovely sturdy box with a rose design on the outside. If you’re on a budget but want to give your loved one a toy that feels special, this is a really nice touch that makes the Rose Queen ideal for gifting.

Get yours from Sohimi, who ship worldwide, and check out their other clitoral vibrators while you’re there.

This Sohimi Rose Queen review was sponsored. This does not impact my views of the product which are, and will always be, my own.

How Audio Erotica is Making Smut More Inclusive

Sofia Sins logo

Do you prefer to read your smut or watch it? Some people love written erotica, others love visual porn, and many of us enjoy a mixture of the two. But now there’s a third option that’s making waves and taking the adult industry by storm: enter audio erotica

Here are a few of the ways that audio erotica is making smut more welcoming, more inclusive, and more enjoyable for everyone. 

More ways to consume

Many people find written or visual porn inaccessible for various reasons. For example, for people who are blind or visually impaired, traditional porn videos are likely to be somewhat or completely inaccessible. While many sites offering written smut, such as Literotica, can be used via a screen reader, that’s not necessarily a super sexy or appealing option. 

But audio erotica opens up a whole new avenue of smutty enjoyment. The best audio smut is narrated by skilled voice performers with sexy voices (which can, of course, mean different things to different people.) Because quality erotica is for everyone, regardless of ability and whether they choose to watch it, read it, or listen to it. 

Pleasure focused and sex positive 

Much of the audio porn currently on the market seems to have been created by women and with female pleasure in mind. Whenever I’ve engaged with audio porn I’ve found the stories to be pleasure focused, consent minded, and overall sex positive. They feature safe and mutually pleasurable sexual scenarios. And when stories do feature an element of coercion roleplay or consensual non-consent, it’s generally made clear that they are fantasy, not reality. 

So much mainstream porn is focused on male pleasure and the male gaze. But audio smut creators understand that women, non binary folks, and queer people want quality erotic content just as much as cis men do… and they’re giving it to us! 

I’ve also found that audio porn trends much less towards using dehumanising terminology and artificial categorisation. Mainstream porn sites often use terms that are problematic at best, and downright sexist, ageist, racist, or transphobic at worst. I haven’t seen the same issue in the audio smut world. 

More options for creative scenarios

Don’t get me wrong, porn makers and performers can get VERY creative! But ultimately, visual content will always be limited by what’s possible (and affordable) to pull off on screen. Audio porn, though, allows for almost anything that the writers and creators can dream up. So if immersing yourself in a futuristic, fantastical, or historical scenario sounds up your street, or you fantasise about sexual acts that are physically or biologically impossible, you can find all of those things and so much more. 

More surreptitious

You (probably) wouldn’t watch visual porn while on the Tube or walking to work, right? And while it’s possible to sneakily read written erotica via a Kindle or smartphone app, there’s always the danger of someone looking over your shoulder. 

Audio porn, though, can be completely discreet. Just choose your story, pop your headphones in, and no-one will be any the wiser. You could be listening to the morning news or a perfectly innocent podcast, for all they know! 

This is also particularly useful for those who live with family, have roommates or children at home, or even have a partner who gives them grief about consuming erotic content. (I’ll argue forever that porn and masturbation aren’t cheating, but I know that’s a losing battle with some people.) Audio smut allows you complete privacy. 

Can be more ethical

There’s a huge amount of fantastic feminist, queer, consensually-produced ethical porn out there. I enjoy visual porn, but at this point I prefer to access it either from production companies I trust or directly from the performers themselves. 

For the average consumer, though, the “tube” sites are still by far the most popular way to access traditional porn. And while these sites do contain some good and ethically produced content, they’re also rife with stolen clips and even non-consensual videos. 

If you’ve ever watched mainstream porn and wondered whether the performers are really consenting or being abused or coerced, you’re not alone. It’s a real and valid concern. Audio smut means you can relax in the knowledge that no-one has been harmed for your enjoyment. 

Allowing you to insert yourself into the fantasy

When it comes to visual porn, it’s often more about the scenario than the individual performers for me. I find a wide range of body types and genders attractive, after all. However, sometimes I find myself distracted because I want to insert myself into the fantasy being played out on the screen, but I can’t find scenarios I like with bodies that look like mine. But when all I’ve got to work with is a voice, I can envision the main characters looking however I want them to look. Instead of the pretty narrow standards set by mainstream porn, you’ve suddenly got a whole world of potential. 

Audio porn makes it easier to mentally put yourself into the scenario. Since the action all takes place in your ears and your mind, you can immerse yourself and place yourself into whichever role takes your fancy. Do you want to be the whip-wielding Domme, the helpless maiden, or a member of the couple exploring group sex for the first time? Now you can! 

Sofia Sins actually takes this premise a step further. When you choose the story you want to listen to, you can read a little bio for each of the main characters and decide whose perspective you want to hear. 

Do you listen to audio porn? Whether it’s your go-to or you’re just curious, I’d love to know what about it appeals to you. 

FYI: today’s post was sponsored by Sofia Sins, a new audio erotica platform from the folks behind Sofia Gray. You can enjoy a 3 day free trial to see if you like it. After that, a subscription is just $4.99 per month or $49.99 per year. All views, as always, are my own! 

[Toy Review] Osuga Cuddly Bird

Osuga is a woman-owned sexual wellness brand founded in 2015 and based in Hong Kong. Their Cuddly Bird toy for people with vulvas has won awards including a Bronze IDEA Award (2020) and a Golden Pin Design Award (2019). So I was pretty excited to try it and see what all the hype is about.

The Osuga Cuddly Bird is so named, because… well, look at it!

Osuga clit sucking sex toy Cuddly Bird

It was posted discreetly and inside, the toy was packaged in a sturdy Osuga-branded box. In the box you’ll find the toy, its charging base and cable, a set of instructions, and a soft, velvety storage bag in the same colour as your toy.

Design and Materials

The Osuga Cuddly Bird is really two toys in one, featuring an ordinary motor for use as a traditional vibrator as well as a nozzle with clitoral suction function.

The Cuddly Bird measures just a hair over 3″ in height. Its body circumference is 7″ (2.2″ diameter) at the widest point, and the clitoral nozzle is 0.5″ in diameter. It weighs in at 133g.

This toy is made of ultra-soft silicone which feels thick and plushy as well as being body-safe and hygienic. Aesthetically, it’s really cute and pretty. I got the mint green variation (my favourite colour aside from purple!) but you can also get it in pastel pink or yellow. The inclusion of a matching storage bag is a nice touch. I particularly enjoyed the charging port looking like a little bird cage:

Cuddly Bird clit sucking vibrator in birdcage charging port

Fun fact: the charging cage will stay lit up as long as it’s plugged in, even as the toy is removed, so you could double its function as a mini night-light if you wish. If the toy is attached, the light will switch off when the toy is fully charged.

The Cuddly Bird is somewhat waterproof. The website says it’s suitable for shower usage and the booklet advises not submersing it below 30cm. Run time is about 2.5 hours on suction mode or 80 minutes on vibration mode for a full charge.

User Interface

The Cuddly Bird has two buttons, one for each of its functionalities. The button with the circle icon controls the suction, and the button with the two wavy lines icon controls the vibration.

Sex toy control buttons

The buttons are sensibly located on the base of the toy and are easy to press. Simply press and hold the button for your desired function to switch it on, use the same button to scroll through the settings (three vibration speeds and one pattern on the vibrating side, three speeds on the suction side.)

Be aware that you can’t use the vibrations and suction at the same time. It’s easy to switch between them, but I would have appreciated the ability to try using them together.

Cuddly Bird in Use

I’ll start by saying that the vibration settings didn’t really do much for me. They’re pretty buzzy, and that isn’t a sensation that works well for my body. The power is also dampened a lot by the thick silicone. If you prefer gentler or buzzier vibrations, the Cuddly Bird may work well for you. But if you’re like me and prefer a deeper rumble, skip this toy’s vibrating mode.

The suction setting, though? Well, that is a different matter entirely!

I have a pretty small glans clitoris (that’s the external bit, for anyone who isn’t a sex ed nerd like me!) and this toy’s nozzle is just the right size to envelop it.

I found the shape of the Cuddly Bird easy and comfortable to hold. For me, the best angle was using it sideways on (so the toy at 90 degrees to my body, closing around my clit from the left hand side). Your mileage may vary and suction toys are notoriously different for every body, so experiment and see what works for you.

Cuddly Bird vibrator

Once I had the angle right, the Cuddly Bird delivered near-perfectly in terms of what I look for from a clitoral suction toy. It very quickly brought me to the point of orgasm. When I’d finished, my legs were shaking – always a sign of a good time!

Bonus: the Cuddly Bird is relatively quiet, maxing out at around 50dB. It easily passed my extremely scientific “door closed, under a blanket” test, and it’s quiet enough that I can comfortably watch porn or listen to audio smut while using it.

Top Tips for Choosing and Using Your Vibrator

I often say that sex education failed me and I believe it failed many of us. One of the most critical aspects of sexuality as a whole is… pleasure! And guess what didn’t get a mention in any of the sex ed I received? Yup, you’ve guessed it.

Like me, Osuga believes that “sex is a beautiful and natural experience” and wants everyone who desires it to have the best sex possible. What that looks like will be different for every person. But whether you’re monogamous or open, queer or straight, male or female or non-binary, you can use toys to enhance your sex life if you want to. Here’s a very quick rundown of my top tips for choosing and using a sex toy:

  1. Pay attention to what YOU like, not what you (or your partner, or society) think people with your body parts are “supposed” to like.
  2. Choose a body-safe product. There are so many affordable body-safe options on the market nowadays!
  3. If you’re new to using toys, aim for a versatile product that you can use to explore different sensations.
  4. Lube makes just about everything better. Choose a safe, water-based lube with as few ingredients as possible.
  5. Clean your toy between every use (see the next section for more info) to keep it hygienic.
  6. Consider experimenting with a toy on your own before introducing it into partnered sex.
  7. If you’re bringing toys into partnered play (which is awesome – yay!) make sure you communicate honestly about what’s working and what isn’t. Aim for exploration and mutual pleasure, not a specific goal.

Most importantly of all, remember that sexuality and sexual pleasure are endlessly, beautifully unique. There’s no right and wrong way to explore or use toys. If you’re staying safe and having fun, then you’re doing it right.

How to Clean Your Sex Toy

If there’s one question about toys I get asked more than any other, it’s probably “how do I keep my sex toys clean?” I actually wrote a whole article about this, but here’s an executive summary:

  • You can boil a silicone or stainless steel sex toy that doesn’t contain a motor (or pop it in the dishwasher on the top rack).
  • For toys with motors, like the Cuddly Bird, you can’t boil them as it will destroy the motor. Instead, use either a 10% bleach solution (9 parts water to 1 part bleach) or a body-safe sterile wipe (I get mine from a medical supplies website). Then rinse your toy and let it dry thoroughly before you put it away.
  • It’s safe to share non-porous toys like the Cuddly Bird, in general, but sterilise it between users unless you’re fluid bonded.

If you take care of it, a body-safe sex toy in a material like silicone will last you for years. A great investment in your pleasure, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Cuddly Bird: Verdict

(Bird-ict? No.)

The Cuddly Bird is a really fabulous little clit sucker. It was a pleasure to use, it got the job done, and the fact that it’s cute as hell and in one of my favourite colours doesn’t hurt, either!

The Osuga Cuddly Bird retails for £78.21 (around $110 for my US friends). You can get $40 off using my link and the code “Coffee”.

Thanks to Osuga for sponsoring this review. Please note that sponsorship does not guarantee a glowing review and that all opinions are my own!

What is Ethical Porn and How Can It Enhance Your Sex Life?

I love porn. 

People are often surprised when I say that. As an outspoken and unapologetic feminist, surely pornography would be against everything I stand for? Well, not exactly.

It’s true that the mainstream porn industry has a lot to answer for. Too often, the large “tube” sites profit from stolen content or non consensual content, including revenge porn and child abuse material. 

But there’s an alternative. If you’ve never explored ethical porn, you’re missing out on something that can be a wonderful addition to your sex life. 

Bellesa Plus ethical porn streaming platform

Today I’m spotlighting Bellesa Plus, a porn streaming platform that calls itself “The Netflix of Porn” and offers a “pay what you can” model costing from as little as $1 per month. The higher prices offer special perks, such as free sex toys and gift cards to the Bellesa Boutique (BBoutique), but the low entry point means you can enjoy more ethical adult content even if you’re on a budget. 

But What is Ethical Porn?

As with many of the things we consume, from food to media, people are becoming more and more concerned about the ethics behind their porn. Untangling exactly what constitutes ethical porn can be a minefield, especially given that the porn industry is still often defending its right to exist at all. 

Here are four things that I believe go into making porn ethical. 

Consent

This might seem like a bare minimum standard, but it’s missing from a shocking amount of mainstream porn. 100% of Bellesa’s content features consenting adults having consensual sex that has been consensually filmed. 

Performers have the opportunity to negotiate with their partner before filming starts, exploring their likes and dislikes. If a scene involves roleplay, performers will be briefed on their role in plenty of time to ensure they’re comfortable with it. 

And if, like me, you’re squicked by all the pseudo-incest (think: “step sister”) content that pops up on mainstream sites, you’ll be pleased to know Bellesa doesn’t do any of that. 

Chemistry and Connection

When I watch porn, I often gravitate towards amateur content because it feels so much more authentic. Whatever the specific acts that they’re engaging in, ultimately I want to watch people who truly like (or even love) each other, having hot sex that they’re genuinely enjoying. 

Many mainstream porn studios don’t give performers much choice who they work with. Bellesa pairs performers who truly have chemistry and actually want to have sex with each other. Because real connection and attraction makes for much hotter content and a much better working environment for the performers. 

Women as Subjects, Not Objects 

One of the things that will turn me off the fastest in any porn scene is seeing women being objectified. This is apparent in everything from the naming of scenes to the ways in which female pleasure is explored (or, often, ignored.) 

Ethical porn puts the pleasure of all participants front and center. In ethical porn, the women being depicted are full human beings with their own desires and erotic agency. In other words, subjects of pleasure, not objects to be acted upon. Bellesa porn is directed and produced by women, headed up by the inimitable Jacky St. James

A Safe and Respectful Working Environment

Making pornography is work, and performers deserve a safe working environment just as much as employees in any other industry. 

This can be as simple as prioritizing their comfort on set, such as making sure they’re well fed and hydrated. Sexual safety is important too, whether that’s ensuring plenty of lube is used or carrying out rigorous STI (and now also Covid-19) testing. And, of course, performers must retain the right to say no or to call “cut” on a scene for any reason. This goes back to consent. 

Performers should also be fairly compensated for the work they do. Making porn can be huge fun but it can also be physically and emotionally taxing at times. Performers are workers and deserve to be paid a fair rate. 

How Ethical Porn Can Enhance Your Sex Life 

Despite what naysayers might say about it, I believe that porn can be an extremely healthy and positive addition to your sex life, whether you’re single or partnered. When you make a point of consuming ethical porn, you can feel good about your viewing habits.

Here are three ways ethical porn can enhance your sex life. 

Get New Ideas

I recently experimented with a new kink activity with my partner. Why? Because I saw this specific act in a porn clip, thought it looked hot, and asked him if he’d be willing to try it with me.

Good porn has the potential to introduce you to new kinks, activities, and ways of having sex that you might never have thought of before. While you might not want to try everything you see, some things are sure to resonate. 

One of the things I love most about human sexuality is its infinite variety. Every single day, people are having sex in endlessly creative ways, many of which I’m sure I’ve never even thought of – and you probably haven’t, either! Ethical porn gives you a consensual window into other people’s bedrooms and allows you to draw inspiration from what you see. 

Enjoy Things You Can’t Do in Real Life

Perhaps there are things you fantasize about but can’t (or don’t want to) do in real life. For example, you might be a bisexual person in a monogamous relationship with a different-gender partner. Watching porn can allow you to express your attraction to same-gendered people without changing the relationship you have with your partner. 

Or maybe you have a particular fetish that your partner doesn’t share. If your relationship agreements don’t allow for getting that itch scratched with others, porn featuring your kink is another ethical and safe sexual outlet. 

It’s also valid to enjoy things in fantasy that you don’t want to do in real life. Let’s say you fantasize about gangbangs but consider the idea too risky to carry out in reality. Ethical porn is a wonderful way to enjoy your fantasies in a safe way that doesn’t carry any of the real-world risk that might come with realising them. 

Boost Your Desire

For many people, including me, arousal begets arousal. In other words, the more you masturbate, have sex, or consume erotic media, the more you’ll want to. The anti-porn crowd would say this is a bad thing, but I believe it can be just the opposite! After all, sexual pleasure is healthy and orgasms are good for us. Why not seek a little more of both in your life? 

So if you’re looking to get in the mood more often or more easily, pulling up your favourite steamy scene can help make that happen. Whether you watch alone or with a partner, the right porn can help to fire up your libido when it needs a little extra help. 

Want to Explore Ethical Porn?

If so, grab yourself a Bellesa Plus subscription. You’ll get access to top content from 50+ premium porn channels, unlimited 4K streaming, access to interactive sex education content, and unlimited access to over 600 erotic stories. You’ll also enjoy 24/7 support, discreet and secure billing, and an ad-free viewing experience. 

Best of all, you can get off to some of the hottest content you’ll find anywhere, and know that you’re supporting a company doing good in this industry. 

Bellesa Plus ethical porn logo

FYI: this post was sponsored by the good folks at Bellesa. All views, as ever, are my own. 

[Lube Review] Promescent Personal Lubricants

I’m picky about lube. Like, super picky. This is for a good reason – there are a lot of ingredients that my body simply does not like or get along with. Having to stop sex because your vulva is burning as a result of some random lube you grabbed at a sex party? Do not recommend.

Couple in bed with lubes in foreground

As a result, I tend to stick to a couple of favourite brands. When companies offer me lubes for review, I often either just say no or end up hating the product.

I say all this so that you understand how unusual it is for me to discover a new line of lubes that I genuinely love and will happily use again and again.

Who Are Promescent?

Promescent is a company dedicated to closing the orgasm gap (a term for the fact that on average, cis men and other people with penises experience orgasm more frequently and more quickly than cis women and other people with vulvas during partnered sex.)

They started out making an orgasm delay product for penis owners, but have now branched out into other lines including lube, condoms, massage oils, and arousal gels for vulva owners.

Promescent works with a medical advisory team including highly trained urologists and sexual medicine experts, and is additionally supported by a medical review team featuring names you may know, including Dr Justin Lehmiller and Dr Laura Berman, and a team of non-medical sexuality experts.

Promescent’s Lube Line

Promescent were kind enough to send me three of their lubes to try. I received the water-based lube, organic aloe-based lube, and silicone lube. I’m going to start by talking about the ingredients, then look at my experience with each product in turn.

Promescent organic and body safe lubes

Each lube comes in a 4fl oz (118ml) disk-cap bottle. You can also get larger 8fl oz bottles, or subscribe for regular deliveries and save 7%.

Ingredients and Safety

With such a large team of sexuality professionals and medical experts on board, one would expect Promescent to be using body-safe ingredients in their lubes. I looked closely at each label and did a deep dive on the internet to learn about them.

My main resources for this research were Condom Depot’s What’s In My Lube? guide, Incidecoder, and SkinCarisma’s ingredients analyser. After looking up every ingredient name I didn’t recognise, I feel safe in saying that these lubes do not contain any toxic ingredients and will be safe for anyone to use as long as you don’t have a specific allergy or sensitivity.

A small disclaimer here: the water-based lube does contain glycerin. This isn’t a toxic ingredient, but it is a form of sugar and can be problematic to people who are prone to yeast infections. I’ve never had an issue with it myself, but it’s something to be aware of.

None of the Promescent lubes contain parabens (harmful chemicals that pop up distressingly often in lubricants and cosmetics and have been linked to hormone disruption, fertility issues, and even cancer.) All the lubes are also pH balanced, meaning they won’t have a negative impact on your vaginal health.

Let’s dive in one at a time and talk about how I got on with them!

Promescent Water-Based Lube

Promescent water-based lube

I always tell my readers that if they’re going to buy one type of lube, make it a quality water-based lube. That’s because water-based is the most versatile type of lube you can get – a true all-rounder!

The Promescent water-based lube has a light, natural scent and a slight tangy taste. It’s very runny and slippery, and you only need a little bit to go a long way. This lube is quick-drying, non-sticky, and did not leave any unwanted residue on either my body or my sheets.

A 4oz bottle of Promescent water-based lube retails for $8.99, making it the cheapest of the bunch. You can use it with any type of barrier and any sex toy material.

Use it for: oral sex, since it has the lightest taste, or playing with silicone toys.

Promescent Organic Aloe-Based Lube

Promescent organic aloe-based lube

I’ve never tried an aloe-based lube before, so this was a new one to me. I’ve been sniffing it and trying to work out what the scent reminds me of. It’s very botanical – basically, if “green” had a smell, it would be this. The aloe lube has a stronger taste than the water-based, though it’s still pretty mild and not at all unpleasant.

Texture-wise, the aloe lube is about the same thickness and runnyness as the water-based. However, I found that it absorbed into my skin more slowly, meaning that it lasted longer. This makes it perfect for lube-heavy activities such as anal play!

It’s got a lovely, slippery feel that is the closest of the three to natural lubrication. It left my skin feeling soft and non-sticky, and did not stain my sheets.

FYI: the aloe lube isn’t safe for use with polyurethane condoms, but latex and polyisoprene are fine. It pairs well with all body-safe sex toy materials.

A 4oz bottle of Promescent organic aloe lube retails for $9.49.

Use it for: anal sex, vaginal penetration with a penis or toy.

Promescent Silicone Lube

Promescent silicone lube

Silicone lube is divisive in the sexuality world. Some people love it, others hate it. I love it in the right contexts, but in practice I don’t use it very often. That’s because silicone lube can sometimes damage silicone toys (though it doesn’t always) and a large percentage of my toy collection consists of silicone products.

Silicone also requires more clean-up, since it can stain certain fabrics and is harder to get off your skin. I recommend putting a towel down for easy clean up when you’re done.

With that said, silicone lube also has a lot of advantages and I enjoyed getting a chance to experiment with it.

Promescent’s silicone lube contains just four ingredients. It is thinner and runnier than many other silicone lubricants I’ve encountered. Again, you really only need a little bit and it goes a long way. It did leave my skin slightly sticky, but washed away easily with my usual soap.

The texture of this lube is super slick, which makes it absolutely perfect for hand sex. Clitoral stimulation is a lot more comfortable and pleasurable when there’s sufficient lubrication, and Promescent’s silicone lube is an excellent choice for this purpose. It’s also ideal for bath and shower sex, since it isn’t water-soluble.

A 4oz bottle of Promescent silicone lube retails for $12.99.

Use it for: hand sex (on yourself or a partner), playing with non-silicone toys.

So which is my favourite?

It’s a tough call, but the organic aloe-based lube is a surprising winner for me! The slick, moisturising feel and the nice natural scent just clinch it. But honestly they’re all great products that absolutely deserve a place on your nightstand.

FYI: this review was sponsored, which means Promescent paid me to test their products and write an honest review. Images are courtesy of Promescent and used with permission. All views are, as always, my own.