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Pink background with speech bubble saying "where can I buy a realistic sex doll?"

Where Can I Find a Realistic Sex Doll?

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

Readers and workshop participants, particularly cis men, ask me this question a lot. There has seemingly been a huge increase in the popularity of sex dolls recently, perhaps simply due to their greater availability. (Isn’t the internet great?) The idea of a realistic sex doll appeals to a great number of people for many different reasons. But where can you find one… and why might you want to?

What Are Realistic Sex Dolls?

Realistic sex doll with blonde hair wearing a blue low cut dress

A sex doll is simply an inanimate object, usually made of a material such as silicone or TPE, designed to resemble a human body (or part of one) and to be used for sexual purposes. Fundamentally, they’re nothing more or less than a type of sex toy.

Realistic sex dolls are available in all kinds of designs. The most common are designed to resemble cis female bodies. However, there are also sex dolls modelled after cis male or trans bodies.

“Realistic”, of course, is relative. No doll is going to 100% resemble a human partner. However, some dolls have that “uncanny valley” creepiness about them while others are much more lifelike.

It is important to note that sex dolls are often exaggerations or charicatures rather than realistic representations. They may emphasise particular features (such as large breasts or penises, tiny waists, or round butts) in a way that is not entirely in line with how real human bodies tend to look.

At least anecdotally, cis men are by far the most likely demographic to own a realistic sex doll. But people of all genders can and do own and use them.

Sex Dolls Are Controversial

Let’s clear one thing up: there is absolutely, positively no such thing as a sex doll that is sentient in any way. Despite the moral panics about AI sex robots that pop up every now and then, they are still largely the stuff of science fiction and experts believe they will never be commonplace.

Even so, a realistic sex doll – one made to look like a human – seems to stir up strong emotions for some in a way that other types of sex toys do not. Some believe that they are a threat to human partners and could potentially replace them. Others feel as though they could lead to abuse, violence, or dehumanisation against human partners.

I do not believe any of this. I also do not believe that there is any inherent ethical problem with using a sex doll, realistic or otherwise. They’re no different from a dildo, vibrator, stroker, or other sex toy. I’d need to see some serious, hard evidence to be convinced that there’s anything even remotely inherently harmful about them.

What Are Some Things You Can Do With a Realistic Sex Doll?

The most obvious reason to buy a realistic sex doll, of course, is to masturbate with a toy that looks and feels somewhat like having sex with a human partner. But beyond this, there are so many different ways to enjoy your sex doll. Here are just a few you might want to consider:

  • Live out fantasies around particular sex acts or having sex with a person with specific physical attributes
  • Try out new techniques that you might want to bring into the bedroom with your human partner(s)
  • Experiment with threesome, group sex, or same-gender fantasies without the emotional risk involved in bringing in other human partners
  • Play with kink scenarios such as cockolding, cuckqueaning, exhibitionism, and voyeurism

To me, the much more interesting question is: what would you like to do with a realistic sex doll? What about this type of toy appeals to you specifically?

So Where Can I Find a Realistic Sex Doll?

Realistic sex doll with shoulder length dark hair wearing a red top and skirt

As with so many things these days, the answer is “on the internet, of course!” You might be able to buy a sex doll at your local adult boutique or sex shop, but (due to the size, cost, and variety of sex dolls on the market) the selection is likely to be very small.

Fortunately, there are now numerous companies manufacturing and selling sex dolls online. With so many options out there, it’s important to do your research, read reviews, and understand what you’re buying. Good sex dolls are expensive, so don’t rush your purchase.

BestRealDoll offer what they proudly call “the world’s most realistic adult sex dolls.” Options range from basic genital or butt masturbators under $100 up to detailed, full-body dolls costing over $2000. Their sex dolls USA warehouse has thousands of products stocked and ready to go, with free shipping to mainland US addresses in 2-5 business days.

You can even customise your own doll to your exact specifications.

This post was sponsored by BestRealDoll and you can enjoy 15% off in their online store by using the code CK15. All writing and views are my own.

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How to Incorporate Toys Into Your Sexual Roleplay

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

Have you ever taken on a role other than your usual self in the bedroom? If so, you’re in good company and possibly even in the majority. Sexual roleplay is tremendously popular, and for good reason. It allows you to explore dynamics, personas, headspaces, and aspects of yourself that you might not get to tap into regularly. It’s a fun way to keep a sexual relationship fresh and exciting, whether you’re newly in love or have been married for decades. And it can be a safe way to explore fantasies that might be too taboo, risky, or unethical to carry out in real life.

Just a few of the most popular roleplay scenarios include:

  • Strangers hooking up
  • Cheating, infidelity, and affairs
  • Boss and employee
  • Master/Mistress and servant
  • Student and teacher
  • Doctor/nurse and patient
  • Having sex for the first time
  • …and so on! You’re limited only by your imagination.

There are lots of ways to make your roleplays come to life. One great way? Incorporate sex toys! Here are just a few ideas for how to do it.

Look for Toys That Fit the Scenario

If you have a particular sexual roleplay scenario in mind, think about what types of toys those characters might use. This is really more about archetypes and an overall “feel” than being too literal about it.

For example, perhaps that fierce, whip-wielding Master might have a set of butt plugs to progressively train his sub’s ass to take more penetration. Maybe the lonely woman on a business trip who’s going to pick up a stranger at the bar has her favourite bullet vibe in her handbag. White toys can have a vaguely clinical feel which is great for a medical scene. And so on.

Let Toys Help You Step Into Role

Sex toys are highly personal, and many people feel an attachment to their favourite toys. Are there any items that help you to step into a particular role or aspect of yourself? For example, perhaps putting on a sexy strap-on harness helps you to embody a dominant persona that’s very different from your everyday self.

When you’re selecting toys for roleplay, think about not just what they do but also how they make you feel. What sort of mood or aspect of you do they embody?

Call Your Toys Something Else

If you already have toys you want to use, there’s nothing to stop you from giving them different names to fit the scenario you’re playing.

If you’re playing a doctor/nurse and patient scene, for example, you can easily call a sex toy a medical device for the duration of the scene. Maybe you’re pretending to be a Victorian-era doctor, curing a patient’s “hysteria” with a vibrator[1]. Or maybe you’re doing a more “mad scientist”, experimental type scene, in which a device worn on the penis (a cock ring) is used to measure the subject’s response to various stimuli.

Cuckolding and cuckqueaning[2] scenarios can be simulated using sex toys if you can’t or don’t want to bring a third party into your bedroom. Why not use a sex doll or realistic dildo, give it a name, and build a narrative in which one of you is fucking that person?

[1] Probably never happened, still a concept that many find hot
[2] Scenes in which one partner is “forced” to watch their partner have sex with someone else. People are into this for reasons ranging from humiliation and eroticising jealousy through to simple voyeurism

Create Stories Around the Toys

Your roleplay scenario can go in any direction you want it to. This isn’t a movie. The goal is fun, not realism. So if you want to craft a story in order to incorporate sex toys into your scenes, have at it.

For example, if you’re playing a boss/employee scene, the boss might have caught the employee with a sex toy in their possession at work… definitely contraband and deserving of punishment, right after they show their strict boss exactly how they use it. Or if you’re roleplaying a first time scenario, maybe one of you has acquired a vibrator from a surreptitious visit to your local sex shop. You’re not sure how to use it, but you’ll sure have a lot of fun finding out!

Sex, and especially roleplay, is mental at least as much as physical anyway. So much of what’s hot about sex acts is the stories we build around them.

Use Toys as Rewards and Punishments

Many sexual roleplay scenarios contain an element of power imbalance. Power is intrinsically hot and wrapped up with desire for many people. So why not lean into that and include some kind of reward or punishment system in your roleplay scenario?

The person in the more submissive role could be rewarded for good behaviour by having theit favourite toy used on them. Alternatively, they could be punished by being denied that pleasure, getting spanked or having to watch the dominant partner using the toy instead.

Punishment, even in a roleplay situation, can be emotionally intense for many people. Make sure you negotiate thoroughly before you start.

How have you used toys in sexual roleplay scenarios?

I’d love to hear your ideas!

This post was kindly sponsored by BestVibe, and my readers can enjoy 20% off all products in their store by using code “coffee” at checkout! All writing and views are, as always, mine.

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How to Keep Long Term Chastity Play Fun and Exciting

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

Long term chastity play is an incredibly common sexual fantasy and, for some, a kinky reality. Chastity, in a BDSM context, refers to locking the genitals away in a device such as a cock cage or chastity belt in order to prevent stimulation, orgasm, or even erection.

People are into chastity for all kinds of reasons. Some enjoy the stronger eventual orgasm that a build-up of sexual tension and arousal brings about. Others enjoy chastity as part of a power dynamic or D/s relationship. Some find a sense of satisfaction from the physical and mental challenge. All of these reasons, and so many more, are equally wonderful and valid.

What constitutes “long term chastity” is a highly personal question. Some people stay locked up for weeks or months at a time (be aware of the safety implications if you go down this route!) For others, hours to days is their happy place. The only correct length of time is what works best for you and your partner(s.)

One mistake that new chastity players often make is to treat this kink as “set and forget.” But it’s not (usually) enough to simply lock yourself or your submissive in a chastity device. That’s a recipe for boredom and a lacklustre experience at best, and feelings of neglect or resentment at worst. Whether you’re going for a week, a month, or a year, here are four fun ways to keep your long term chastity play fun and exciting.

Do Edging and Denial Scenes

One of the most fun aspects of wearing a chastity device is how sensitive the genitals are when it comes off. You can use this to your advantage by incorporating edging and denial sessions into your chastity play.

Edging just means taking yourself or your partner almost to the point of orgasm, and then stopping. You can do this once, or many times. An extended edging session followed by being locked back into a cock cage or chastity belt can be exquisitely torturous for a chastity submissive.

Depending on your mindset, edging can be its own reward… or its own punishment. Some submissives love it, and others hate it.

Incorporate Other Types of Kinky Play

One of the wonderful things about chastity is that it pairs so well with many different kinds of kinky play. Almost any other activities you can think of can be combined with chastity to create a fun and sexy scene.

If you’re into impact play, for example, you can spank or flog your submissive while they are wearing their chastity device. Some submissives enjoy teasing or humiliation about (for example) how aroused they are getting from the pain, their inability to get hard in their chastity cage, or the fact that the impact play is the only stimulation they will get.

Long term chastity also makes every part of the body more sensitive. This means that even gentle sensations can feel more intense than usual. Sensation play, from stroking with feathers or soft fabric up to playing with scratchers or pinwheels, can be amazing here.

Rope and other forms of restraint can be used to enhance all kinds of chastity-based scenes, from edging to impact play. They can also be a scene in and of themselves.

Use Sex Toys

Even if you are doing a form of chastity play that does not allow for direct stimulation of the genitals, there are still lots of ways you can use sex toys to enhance your play. For example, if your submissive enjoys anal play, having them wear a butt plug can be a fun way to remind them of their arousal all day long.

If you’re doing edging and denial scenes as part of your chastity play, sex toys can be a great addition. Why not allow your submissive to “earn” minutes with their favourite sex toy in exchange for tasks, favours, or good behaviour?

Finally, if you’re an exhibitionistically-inclined dominant, masturbating with toys in front of your submissive while they’re locked up is a delicious tease.

Involve Other People

If your relationship allows for it, involving other people in your play can bring a new kind of excitement and add an extra edge (pun entirely intended) to your chastity kink.

There are numerous different ways to do this. If you’re part of the kink community or have kinky friends, you could approach a friend to do a “double-domming” scene with you. Another way to realise this fantasy is to work with a professional Dominant, or Pro Dom/Domme. Serving two Dominants is a fantasy for many kinky submissives.

If you enjoy exhibitionism or voyeurism, why not go to a kink club and play in the semi-public space it affords? This might include doing a scene in front of other people, or simply having your chastity device on show in the space. There may be the opportunity to play with other people if you want to, but there should be no expectations.

Some people enjoy combining chastity with cuckolding or cuckqueaning. This involves the dominant partner having sex or playing with others while their submissive watches. It might include the enjoyment of feeling “left out” or the eroticising of normally negative emotions such as jealousy. It can also simply be about enjoying a sexy show, feeling horny, and then not getting release. Cuckolding and cuckqueaning can be very emotionally intense. Negotiate thoroughly beforehand and plan to give each other plenty of aftercare and reassurance.

Don’t forget about the potential for involving others online, too. This might include engaging with others on chastity forums or accepting “tasks” from fellow players online. Some online sex workers and Pro Doms/Dommes even offer online-only scenes through text, audio chat, or video call.

One thing you should not do is involve others in your kinky scenes without their explicit consent. This includes doing anything in public that is obvious or where you could reasonably get caught. It also includes making others (including members of the public, serving staff, and your friends or family) uncomfortable. Consent always comes first.

Today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity. They manufacture and sell high quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories, which you can check out through the links included! All views and writing are, as always, entirely my own.

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How to Make Sex Toy Use More Kinky

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

Given that I’ve somehow built an entire career out of talking about them (I know, it’s still totally bonkers to me too!) it will come as no surprise that I love both sex toys and kink a whole bunch. But what about all the fun ways you can combine them?

Using sex toys isn’t necessarily a kinky activity in itself though, as with anything else, what makes an activity “kinky” is mostly in your mindset around it anyway. Someone’s vanilla is someone else’s edge play. One person’s hardcore BDSM is another person’s average Friday night.

Whether you’re a kinkster who loves using toys or a toy aficionado who wants to bring a little more kink into your bedroom, why not try some of these fun strategies to kink up your sex toy use?

Play Edging and Denial Games

The reason most people use sex toys? Because toys make them cum. Often because toys make them cum faster, harder, or more easily than other types of stimulation. But what if – like me – you kinda get off on not getting off? Well, sex toys are amazing for edging and orgasm denial games.

You can do this with a partner or by yourself. Simply use your favourite vibrator or masturbator (or have your partner use it on you), get close to orgasm, and then… stop.

From here, you have a few options. You can edge as many times as you like and then cum. You can edge as many times as you like and then not cum, allowing that delicious sexual tension and frustration to build. Or you can ruin your orgasm by removing stimulation the second you tip over the edge. Many sexual masochists find ruined orgasms exquisitely painful.

Toys and Bondage

Do you like getting a little tied up or tying your partner up? Sex toys can be a super fun addition to your bondage play. This can range from something as simple as immobilising your partner and using toys on them until they cum (or don’t – see above), to complex predicament ties or rope harnesses designed to hold sex toys in place. I find this type of play pairs particularly well with forced orgasms – more on that in a minute.

You can even play with toys and bondage by yourself. Self-bondage or solo bondage is very popular and you can find tutorials online to help you learn how to do it.

Always follow safety protocols: keep a cutting tool for rope or the keys for any locking restraints within reach, keep your phone within reach in case you need to call for help should something go wrong, and never put rope or restraints around your or your partner’s neck. (Not so fun fact: the overwhelming majority of kink-related deaths are attributed to breath restriction, and autoerotic asphyxiation in particular. Please just don’t go there.)

Forced Orgasm

A forced orgasm is when a consenting person is “made” to cum in a way that may be beyond their physical control. It can work particularly well for those who are multi-orgasmic or for those who find continued stimulation after the point of orgasm painful or uncomfortable in an enjoyable way.

For some people, the kink lies in trying to resist the climax until their body succumbs to the sensation. For others, the hot part is being made to cum repeatedly until they physically (or psychologically) cannot any longer.

Toys are great for forced orgasm play because they can create sensations more intense and overwhelming than bodies can typically produce by themselves. I find that wand vibrators are particularly perfect for forced orgasms because they’re just so intensely and overwhelmingly powerful. They also work equally well on both penises and vulvas.

Toys as Rewards for Your Submissive

If you’re in a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship or playing with some kind of power dynamic in the bedroom or in your relationship, you may want to incorporate rules, rewards, and punishments in some way. Favourite sex toys can be a great motivator in this type of relationship.

For example, time with a favourite sex toy can be a great reward for an obedient submissive. On the other hand, refusing them permission to masturbate or use toys can be an effective punishment. Remember to negotiate thoroughly in advance to make sure you’re both happy with the rules, rewards, and punishments you agree on.

Play with Threesome or Group Sex Fantasies

Threesomes, foursomes, orgies, and other group sex configurations are tremendously popular fantasies that strike a chord with many people. In fact, according to some sources, having a threesome is the most popular sexual fantasy for people of all genders!

Actually having group sex is certainly possible, and it’s something I personally enjoy very much. However, there are many considerations to take into account if you’ve never done it before: jealousy and insecurities, navigating multiple people’s boundaries, and the ways in which your relationship may change are just some of them.

If you’re not ready to go there for real, or prefer to keep it in the realm of fantasy, then you can use a sex toy to simulate your group sex desires without the emotional or relational risk. Realistic dildos, sex dolls, and lifelike pussy-style strokers are ideal for this type of fantasy.

…And Get Creative!

What about you, folks? Any creative or unique ideas on how to get kinky with your favourite sex toys? As with anything in the sex realm, you’re limited only by creativity, consent, and your imaginations. So play, explore, don’t be afraid to try things out, and have fun with it.

This post was kindly sponsored by BestVibe, and my readers can enjoy 20% off all products in their store by using code “coffee” at checkout! All writing and views are, as always, mine.

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5 Myths About Chastity Devices and Chastity Kink

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

A quick note on terminology: this post refers primarily to chastity play and chastity devices for a person with a penis (often called “male chastity”, though obviously not everyone with a penis is a man!) Chastity play for people with vulvas is, unfortunately, much more challenging and less practical.

What do you think of when you hear the word “chastity?” Do you think about medieval women forced to wear metal belts to protect their virginity? (Which probably never happened, by the way.) Do you think about religious doctrine urging you not to have sex until marriage? Or perhaps you think about your favourite kink.

In the BDSM and kink world, chastity play refers to having your genitals locked away in a device, preventing pleasure, masturbation, and orgasm. There are no reliable statistics that I could find about how prevalent this kink is, but anecdotal data (and the prevelance of porn and erotica centered on it) implies it’s very, very common indeed.

And as with any popular kink, there are a number of myths about chastity devices and chastity play. Let’s debunk some of them now!

Myth: Chastity Cages Are All the Same

Many new players make the mistaken assumption that one chastity cage is much the same as another. This can result in them purchasing inexpertly made and cheap devices, which may be poorly constructed or even unsafe. It’s always best to buy a device designed and made by chastity kink experts, such as those at Total Chastity.

Even once you’ve found a reputable chastity device retailer, all devices are not the same. They come in different sizes (to accommodate different penis sizes and sensation preferences), different materials (such as plastic, metal, or silicone), different colours, and different levels of security.

There are lots of factors to consider when choosing a chastity device. You’ll need to know your measurements and comfort needs, as well as having an idea of the kind of aesthetic that appeals to you. Take your time and don’t be afraid to shop around.

Myth: Chastity Cages Are Painful

Wearing a chastity device can be uncomfortable at times. For many participants, that’s part of the appeal of a chastity kink! However, your device should not hurt, and if it does that’s a problem.

If your chastity device is painful, you should stop wearing it immediately. Pain is your body’s signal that something is wrong, and ignoring it can cause serious harm. A painful chastity device may be caused by issues such as pinching the skin, compressing a nerve, or restricting blood flow, all of which can be dangerous if not dealt with.

You might experience pain if you are wearing a small chastity cage, have your device on too tight, have put it on incorrectly, or have chosen a material that doesn’t work for your body. Adjusting your device, or trying a different device, may be the answer.

Even if you’re practicing long term chastity, it’s important to let your penis out of its cage at least once in a while. You should also get to know what’s normal for your genitals and check regularly for any changes. If you have any health or safety concerns, speak to your doctor.

Myth: Permanent Chastity Needs to Be the Goal

Many people assume that the eventual goal of chastity play is to accomplish longer and longer periods locked up, perhaps leading to permanent chastity in which the device wearer is locked up 24/7/365. However, this isn’t realistic or even desirable for many people.

If you want to play with chastity long term, have at it! It’s important to learn about the health and safety implications to make sure you are engaging with this kink in a risk-aware fashion. I love this article, in which Dan Savage speaks to a certified urologist about the risks associated with long term chastity play and how to mitigate them.

But if you only want to do chastity play occasionally, or only for short periods of time, that’s equally valid. It’s not a competition and the only opinions that matter are yours and your partner’s. There’s nothing inherently better about staying locked up for half a year as opposed to half an hour. It’s all about what works for you!

Myth: Chastity is About Humiliation

Chastity is often associated with kinks such as sissification and forced feminisation, which tend to be humiliation based. This leads to the misconception that chastity play always has to be linked to humiliation.

Chastity play can be about humiliation, but it doesn’t have to be. It can also be lots of other things. You might choose to wear a chastity device as a symbol of devotion to your Dominant, as a way to test your self-control, or because you enjoy how much stronger your eventual orgasm is when you are denied first. Your attraction to this kink might revolve around submission, physical discomfort, a mental challenge, an increased libido, greater attentiveness to your partner’s sexual needs… or something else entirely!

The beautiful thing about sex and kink is that it’s a choose-your-own adventure situation. You can play with the bits that work for you, and leave the bits that don’t. If chastity appeals to you but humiliation doesn’t, then you get to play with this kink in exactly the way that turns you (and your partner) on.

Myth: You Need a Partner to Do Chastity Play

Perhaps you fantasise about a partner locking you in chastity, but you’re single or your partner isn’t into it. If you think this means you can’t enjoy your fetish, think again!

There are lots of ways to explore chastity play without a partner. You can lock yourself up, challenging yourself to last a certain amount of time (or just stopping when it stops being fun.) Places like Chastity Forums and r/Chastity on Reddit offer places where you can chat, share experiences, and connect with other people who share your kink.

You can watch chastity-based porn (don’t forget to seek out ethical content!) Another option is to seek out a professional Dominant (ProDom/me) – many professionals specialise in chastity play and keyholding. You can find ProDom/mes who work both online and in person, so you can choose what works for you.

In short, you don’t need a partner to explore chastity and you can have plenty of fun by yourself or by engaging with others through online chat, erotic content, or professional services.

FYI: today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity, purveyors of quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories. I’d like to thank them for their kind support of the site – check out their collections through the links included! All writing and views are, as always, my own.

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[Website Review] Bedbible

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

They say that if you want to be a writer, you have to read. Well I also think that if you want to be a successful sex blogger, you have to read sex blogs! And, believe me, I read a lot of sex blogs. There are so many hugely talented people in this community and doing this work, and it is a joy to read and absorb and learn from and share their work.

In this spirit, this week I was invited to review Bedbible, a site I’ve been reading and enjoying for a while and which describes itself as “your go-to source for all things sex and sex toys.”

What Does Bedbible Offer?

Bedbible logo

Bedbible is a primarily hub of sex toy reviews written by a collection of experienced reviewers (I’ve contributed some myself in the past!) as well as articles, listicles, and round-ups about all things pleasure products.

There’s also blog articles on topics relating to sexuality and sex toys, surveys and research data (more on that in a minute), erotic (though not sexually explicit) images, a podcast that doesn’t seem to be active any more but still has old episodes available, and discount codes to use with various adult retailers including Lovehoney, Adam & Eve, Lelo, and Womanizer.

Sex Toy Reviews from Bedbible

Bedbible’s reviews are lengthy and comprehensive. They’re also written to a specific template, so you can scan quickly to find the information you need. Want to know if a toy is made of body-safe materials, how powerful its motor is, how easy it is to use, or how you should clean and care for it, this system has got you covered. There’s even a 1-to-5 scale for power and noise levels, and a handy buzz-rumble scale for vibrating toys to help you find exactly the kind of product that will suit your preferences.

Having written for Bedbible in the past, I can state with confidence that the review process is ethical and comprehensive. Some large review aggregate sites unfortunately employ shady practices, such as paying reviewers to write gushing reviews of toys they’ve never even tried. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you why this is wildly unethical! (It’s also usually pretty obvious, as those spammy reviews are typically filled with unsubstantiated claims, stolen images, and praise disproportionate to the actual quality of the product.)

Bedbible doesn’t pay its reviewers, so it’s probably only a gig for you if you enjoy writing as a hobby and consider free sex toys a fair exchange for your time and work. This is a personal choice, of course – you do you!

As well as individual reviews, there’s also round-ups of toys in various categories. So whether you want to know about the best butt plug for your preferences or choose a toy to use with your partner, there’s likely to be a post that’s got you covered.

Scrolling back, the vast majority of the toys reviewed and recommended on Bedbible are made of body-safe materials such as silicone, glass, or stainless steel. There are some exceptions, particularly TPE/TPR/soft plastic insertable toys. While I’d prefer sex blogs and review sites didn’t give these toys a platform at all, the reality is that people are going to continue buying and using them for as long as they’re cheaper than safer alternatives. Bedbible does include plenty of useful information within its posts and in its blog about safe toy materials and the problems with the porous, toxic, or phthalate-containing ones that continue to plague this industry.

How is Bedbible’s Inclusivity?

I really love that Bedbible groups its toys by type, rather than gender. So instead of “toys for men” or “toys for women”, you’ll see toys organised into categories such as vibrators, dildos, anal toys, and penis toys.

I can’t overstate how important this is. Gender isn’t defined by genitals, and people of all genders can and do use sex toys. Needless gendering just alienates people and pushes them away from finding the products that will work for them, while gender-neutral categorisation includes everyone. (It’s also truly confusing how often I see anal toys lumped into the “for men” category – everyone has a butt! Anal pleasure can feel great no matter whether you were born with a prostate or not!)

Some of Bedbible’s roundups and blog posts do use gendered language. While I’m highly sympathetic to the reasons for this – after all, your average consumer is likely to Google (for example) “male sex toys” – I would really like to see the entire industry move away this type of language entirely. And the only way we will do that is by, well, actually doing it.

Research and Data

The Bedbible Research Center also conducts surveys, meta-analyses, and data aggregation on an array of sex and relationships topics, from the orgasm gap to porn use, relationship styles, various fetishes, and more.

Team members include: Ferdinand Obi, MD, an OB-GYN Resident Obstetrician-Gynecologist; Martina Ambardjieva, MD, Ph.D, a Sexual Health Expert and Resident Physician; and Ioanna Martinou, Ph.D.Psychologist and PhD at University of Bolton. Impressive credentials, I’m sure you’ll agree!

I only discovered this section of the site in doing my research for this review, though I read Bedbible’s sex toy reviews regularly. The write-ups are clear and accessible, though only some of the pieces include a breakdown of the methodologies that were used for gathering and collating the data. As an academia nerd, I would have liked to see this included in every post as my first question about data and statistics is always “how did the researchers arrive at these results?”

All Bedbible Research Center data is released for public access and available to use with proper accreditation. You can also contact the team on researchcenter@bedbible.com for any more information or to see complete datasets.

Verdict

Overall, I really like this site. It contains an extensive array of reviews and information, a more inclusive approach than many of the blogs and retailers out there, and some excellent and useful bonus information. Though Bedbible is different to many sex blogs, as it’s run and written by a large team, it’s a great addition to our little world of online sex-positive content.

I’d always suggest to any consumer that they read more sex toy reviews before investing in a toy they haven’t tried before, because any review (including mine!) is just one person’s opinion. But if you want an extensive and comprehensive review of a sex toy you’re considering, Bedbible is a great place to go.

This post was sponsored by Bedbible.com, meaning that I was paid to write a truthful review of the site. All opinions are my own.

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Why Is Everyone So Obsessed with Rose Toys?

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

Chances are, if you’re familiar with the sex toy industry or have spent any time in sex positive spaces online in the last couple of years, you’ll have come across rose toys. Perhaps you’ve seen a company advertising them, an influencer gushing about them on social media, or a friend has told you about how much they love theirs. 

But what exactly are rose sex toys, where did they come from, and just why are they so popular? 

It Began on TikTok

I don’t really use or understand TikTok, mostly because I am over 30 and get overwhelmed easily. Therefore, I only became aware of this particular viral sensation when it spread out onto other platforms such as Twitter. I kept seeing people talking about this “rose toy for women”, so obviously I had to check it out and see what all the fuss was about. 

The rose sex toys craze seemingly began sometime in early 2021. In one viral TikTok clip dated 4 May 2021, which has over 631,000 likes at the time of writing, user @_queenk_95 claims to have reached orgasm in 30 seconds with her rose adult toy. Her enthusiastic commenters agree. “WARNING USE AT UR OWN RISK YOULL NEVER BE THE SAME” [sic] one commenter claims. “My legs shot out like one of those little goats that get paralyzed when they’re scared,” says another. 

Image: OOTYEMO

Needless to say, this and similar videos had users rushing to try the toy in their droves. The TikTok rose toy trend is probably one of the biggest pop culture moments in sex toys since an infamous scene from a Sex & the City episode led to many stores selling out of rabbit vibrators in the late 1990s. 

“Rose Toys” Aren’t Just One Thing 

The original “rose toy” that took TikTok by storm seems to have been a rose-shaped clitoral suction stimulator from Amazon. However, even a quick search for “rose sex toy” brings up over 1000 results on Amazon’s US site alone, so I think it’s safe to assume that not everyone who posted about the “rose” was referring to the exact same model. 

I also really don’t recommend buying sex toys from Amazon. In a broadly unregulated industry, the chances of getting a mislabeled knock-off product (which may not even be safe) are too high.

Fortunately, there are now numerous reputable sex toy retailers selling rose sex toys, and they come in many different variations. The majority of rose toys are still based around clitoral suction, but they vary in exact shape and design, size, level of power, settings, controls, and so on. There are also versions with protruding tongues designed to simulate oral sex, versions with G-spot vibrators attached, remote control versions, and more. 

In other words, the world of rose sex toys is now a vast one thanks to their explosion in popularity. So if they appeal to you, you’ve got a good chance of finding one you like.

Sex Toys That Don’t Look Like Sex Toys 

For as long as there’s been a sex toy industry, there has been a market for toys that do not immediately look like what they are. From the classic lipstick and rubber duck vibrators, through to modern toys that look like little penguins and the glass, ceramic, or steel constructions that look like works of art, there’s a sex toy to meet every preference. 

Image: OOTYEMO

There are probably a few reasons behind this. Many people, unfortunately, still feel embarrassed about using toys (sex toy usage has become far less taboo in recent years but many people still aren’t comfortable with having a toy out in the open). Discreet toys are also easier to pop in your bag—or take through airport security—without worrying about someone seeing them. Then, of course, there’s the sheer aesthetic value of some toys. 

The famous rose toys are no different. They don’t immediately scream “VIBRATOR” to the uninitiated, and one of the most endearing things about them is that they’re really, really pretty. As a femme, I really love pretty things and flowers, so an attractive sex toy that looks cute on my nightstand is an instant win. It’s easy to see why their aesthetic alone has helped rose flower toys grow in popularity. 

A Cute Gift 

Opinions on whether you should give sex toys as gifts differ. There are situations where you definitely shouldn’t (workplace Secret Santa, yes I have seen this happen) and situations where it’s maybe okay (a very close friend with whom you have that kind of open and frank relationship.) In the context of an existing sexual relationship where you know the other person’s body and preferences reasonably well, though, I’m all for it! 

A rose toy could be a great gift for the flower-loving femme in your life. It’s an imaginative and sexy twist on a traditional gift, and will bring pleasure that lasts a lot longer. 

The Obvious: They Feel Amazing 

Having tried a number of rose toys at this point, I’ve had somewhat mixed but overwhelmingly positive to very positive experiences with them. As they’re primarily based on clitoral suction, rose toys deliver focused clitoral stimulation via pulses of air, which offers intense pleasure without any of the numbing effect you can get from poor-quality buzzy vibrators. 

Everyone’s experience is different, of course, but many users say that clitoral suction toys such as rose toys help them to orgasm more quickly, more reliably, and more intensely than any other type of stimulation. 

Today’s post was sponsored by the good folks at OOTYEMO, an online sex shop offering numerous different iterations of the rose toy as well as many other products. All writing and views are, as always, my own. 

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5 Great Reasons to Buy a Sex Doll

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

We’ve been hearing a lot about sex dolls over the last few years. These anthropomorphic sex toys are designed to look and feel like a human body, or part of one. Some sex dolls encompass the entire body. Many more are torso-only or even just a specific body part such as a butt, pelvis and genitals, or pair of breasts. They may be made of silicone, or of another soft and flexible material such as TPE.

(Sex dolls are distinguishable from sex robots. The latter refers to technology incorporating artificial intelligence that can mimic human-like behaviour in a more realistic way. True AI sex robots are still largely theoretical.)

First, let me tell you a couple of things I do NOT believe. First, I do not believe there is an inherent ethical issue in the use of a sex doll, any more than I believe there is one with using a dildo, vibrator, or stroker. However realistic it may look, a sex doll is an inanimate object. It is not a person, it is not sentient, and I have not seen any compelling evidence to suggest that use of these toys leads to the mistreatment or dehumanisation of actual human partners.

I also do not believe a doll can “replace” a human partner, any more than any other sex toy can. A toy or sex doll can give you sexual pleasure. That is its entire purpose! But it cannot hold you after sex, snuggle with you on the couch and watch movies, support your dreams, bring you soup when you’re sick, or take you out on cute dates. The differences between a sex doll and a human partner are so vast and obvious that to me, the idea of the former replacing the latter is just utterly absurd.

Though they’re most commonly marketed to straight, cisgender men, people of all genders and sexualities can (and do) buy and enjoy sex dolls. Here are a few great reasons you might want to consider trying one.

They’re Fun

Duh, right? But ultimately, the purpose of any sex toy is to provide fun and sexual pleasure. Sex dolls are no different. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, keeping up a regular solo sex life is still really important to many people.

Masturbation is healthy and normal. The overwhelming majority of people do it. As long as you follow a few basic safety precautions, it’s a pretty much risk-free way to get your sexual needs met. Using sex toys, including sex dolls, can absolutely be a part of that.

Maintain an Active Fantasy Life

Most people have sexual fantasies of one form or another. These can range from the very simple (thinking about having sex with your crush or going down on your partner) to incredibly elaborate fantasies with a plot and a whole cast of characters. It’s all normal and, as long as you can maintain a clear distinction between fantasy and reality, completely healthy.

Using toys such as sex dolls can help to make your fantasy feel more realistic, allowing you to act out or simulate aspects of it. And if you fantasise about playing with someone with specific physical attributes, you can often find a sex doll that caters to exactly those preferences.

Try Out New Techniques

No matter how long we’ve been sexually active, all of us have so much more we could learn about sex. This is because human sexuality is infinitely varied and often changes throughout people’s lifetimes.

Perhaps you want to try a new sexual position, learn some new oral sex tricks, or perfect your hand sex game. Or perhaps you’ve seen something interesting in a porn clip, read about it, or learned about it during a class and now want to give it a go. Using a sex doll can be a fun way to try out and practice new things which you might want to bring into the bedroom with your current or future partners.

Remember that a sex doll cannot respond or give feedback, but your human partners absolutely can. So get consent and pay attention to their responses at every stage.

Experiment with Threesome Fantasies Risk-Free

Threesomes are one of the most common sexual fantasties, and seem to strike a chord across genders and sexual orientations. However, bringing them to life is not necessarily as easy as it sounds. Finding two people who are both into you and also into each other is just the first hurdle. After that, you’ve also got to navigate three people’s sexual needs as well as handle any unexpected emotional reactions that might come up. Many people who do manage to pull it off find that the reality does not match up to the fantasy.

While it’s definitely not exactly the same thing as bringing in an additional human partner, using a sex doll can allow a couple to simulate a group sex fantasy without the emotional and relational risk that can accompany doing it for real.

They’re More Affordable Than Ever

Historically, quality sex dolls were tremendously expensive. However, they are becoming more and more affordable and options are now available for a range of budgets. A basic doll can start from around $100.

Do you own a sex doll, or do you fantasise about using one? Let us know in the comments what you love about them!

This post was sponsored by Tantaly, purveyors of high-quality torso sex dolls. All writing and views are my own.

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What is a Female-Led Relationship? FLR 101

Published on by Amy2 Comments

Unfortunately, even in 2022, inequality in heterosexual relationships is widely socially accepted and sometimes even expected. 

For example, one UK study recently showed that the average woman in a hetero partnership does 20 hours of housework per week, while her male partner does just 11.5 hours. It is still assumed that when a straight couple has children, the woman will be the one to take time off work to raise and care for them. And then there’s issues such as the persistent gender pay gap, the orgasm gap, and unequal distribution of emotional labour. 

Most of us would agree that eliminating inequality and creating more equal and balanced relationships is a good thing. But for some people, a consensual and negotiated imbalance of power is actually what they want in their relationships. This type of dynamic is often called a Dominant/submissive, or D/s, relationship.

Today we’re taking a close look at one such type of dynamic: female-led relationships, or FLR. 

What Exactly is FLR? 

In general, the term female-lead relationship (FLR) is used to refer to a heterosexual (or hetero-read, because some people in FLRs may be bisexual or pansexual) relationship in which the woman is in charge. 

The level of control in an FLR can vary drastically, depending on what the people involved want. It might be as simple as the woman taking charge of the majority of day-to-day decision-making within the relationship, or as complex as intricate systems of rules with consequences, rewards, and punishments built in. The term FLR is usually applied when the D/s aspect of the relationship extends beyond the bedroom, though this isn’t an absolute rule.  

Some people view FLR as simply “role reversal”, but it’s not quite that simple. A female-led relationship isn’t about reversing gender inequality and placing a man into the role that women have historically been forced to occupy. Instead, it is about consensual and negotiated inequality that exists for the enjoyment and fulfilment of both parties. The cornerstone of FLR and any other form of D/s is that it is consensual and that either partner may withdraw that consent at any time. 

Why Does FLR Strike a Chord with So Many?

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” So goes the possibly-apocryphal saying attributed to Oscar Wilde. 

D/s relationships of all kinds may strike a chord with people because power and sexuality are so inextricably bound up together. This can mean that playing with power and power imbalances in a consensual context can be incredibly sexy. 

There are numerous other reasons why someone might enjoy an FLR dynamic, and the only way to know what is true for any individual is to ask them. For some men who submit to their female partners, it’s about having a break from the responsibilities they have in their day to day lives (many men who are submissive at home have high-flying, high-pressure jobs.) 

Some men also find that taking on a submissive role frees them from the expectations and constraints of toxic masculinity. Submitting allows them to be vulnerable, to stop fearing appearing “weak”, and to be taken care of. 

For dominant women, some enjoy the feeling of power and strength that comes from taking on a dominant role. It can be highly erotically charged to have someone do exactly as you tell them, in or out of the bedroom. 

Many dominant women also find that their submissive partners are more attentive to their needs, increasing their sexual and romantic satisfaction in the relationship. Being dominant can also involve taking care of your partner, and some women enjoy bringing a nurturing side to their dominance. 

The more interesting question is always “why does FLR strike a chord with you?” If you can answer this question, you’ll have the best chance of building the relationship that works for you and your partner. 

FLR and Chastity: What’s the Connection? 

Many, though not all, female-led relationships include an element of chastity play. Chastity refers to restricting someone’s ability to experience sexual pleasure or reach orgasm. It often involves the use of a chastity cage or chastity device, which physically prevents the wearer from masturbating, having sex, and sometimes even getting an erection. 

People in FLRs practice chastity in many different ways. Some do it occasionally as a form of foreplay, increasing desire and ramping up the tension before sex or a play session. Others lock their partners up long term, anything from days to weeks or months at a time. Chastity play may also include periods of tease and denial or edging – bringing someone close to orgasm without letting them go over the edge. 

Chastity play can be hot for so many reasons. Most obviously, not allowing release for a period of time increases arousal and allows desire to build and build with nowhere to go. It can also make the eventual orgasm so much more intense. Handing someone else control of your sexual pleasure is, for some people, the ultimate act of submission. 

Don’t forget to play safe if you’re doing chastity, particularly long-term chastity. Dan Savage spoke to a certified urologist in this article, who offered some thoughts on the potential risks and some of the ways to mitigate them. 

You must assess your own level of acceptable risk. Either way, it’s probably smart to take off your device and give your cock a break once in a while. You should also ensure that the wearer always has a spare key in case of emergencies. You can also read more about chastity safety and hygiene here. 

What Makes a Successful FLR?

Ultimately, an FLR is still a relationship. This means that all the ingredients that go into making any relationship work still apply here. Trust, communication, and compassion must be front and centre at all times. 

Taking on a dominant role in a relationship is a position of great responsibility. This means that you need a lot of trust, and that this trust must go both ways. The submissive man needs to know that his partner will respect his limits, honour his vulnerabilities, and act in his best interests. And the dominant woman needs to trust that her partner will be honest about his needs and boundaries, speak up if something is wrong, and see her as a full human being and not merely a fetish fulfillment device. 

Even if you are living in an FLR full-time, it is vital to be able to step out of role and communicate with one another as equals when required. I always recommend setting aside time for a regular check-in in any D/s relationship. This gives you time to address any issues and ensures that problems won’t be left to fester. You can also agree on a specific safeword which means “I need to talk to you as equals right now.” 

Compassion means treating each other with kindness, consideration, and empathy. Even in a D/s relationship, life is still life and you will both have good days and bad days. While FLR can be a central component of your relationship, it should never override seeing one another as partners first and foremost. 

How Can I Find a Partner for a FLR? 

Glance at any BDSM forum or discussion space, and you’ll find complaints that submissive men enormously outnumber dominant women. I don’t know whether this is actually true, as there aren’t any reliable statistics on this as far as I know. 

What I do know is that there are likely far more kinky people out there than you think, and that there are things you can do to improve your chances of finding the Domme of your dreams as a single submissive man. All of these guidelines also apply if you’re a dominant woman seeking a submissive, too. 

First, getting involved in your local BDSM community is the best way to meet other people who might be interested in this kind of lifestyle. Complete your Fetlife profile, attend some munches and play events, and get to know people. The trick here is to treat everyone as a potential friend, not a potential partner. You’ll build a positive reputation, start getting invited to more events and parties, and the rest will follow. 

Next, be yourself. There’s no point putting on an act that represents what you think a dominant or submissive person is “supposed” to be. You want to end up in a relationship with someone who loves you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. 

Approach any potential FLR relationship as a relationship first. Compatible kinks and desires are important, but they’re not enough to sustain a relationship by themselves. You’ll also need to enjoy each other’s company, respect each other, have fun together, and have compatible long-term goals. 

Finally, be patient. It can take a while to find the right person, but when you do, the rewards can be tremendous. 

I’d like to thank today’s sponsor, LockTheCock, for their kind support of this post. Check out their wide range of chastity cages and accessories on their website! All views and writing are, as always, my own. 

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What are the Best Vibrators for Long Distance Play?

Published on by AmyLeave a comment

I’m not in a serious long distance relationship at the moment (though I do have a lovely long distance play partner). But until a few months ago, I had a partner who lived in a different city. We saw each other about once a month, and kept in touch using various methods in between. We texted, sexted, had virtual dates, and – yes – occasionally played with remote vibrators.

Sales of high-tech, remote-capable sex toys boomed in the first months of the Covid-19 pandemic. Whether you’re temporarily separated by travel restrictions, one of you is travelling for work, or you currently (or permanently) live apart, you can enjoy sex from anywhere in the world with the right remote sex toy.

This is just one of the use-cases for the large, and growing, market for sex toys that can be controlled over long distances. If you enjoy the thrill of wearing a sex toy out and about and handing control to your partner, a long-distance vibrator can also be a good investment. They tend to be much more reliable than the ones with short-range handheld remotes.

Another popular use-case for long-distance vibrators is for those who do online camming. Say you’ve set up your custom Chaturbate profile and built a loyal following, what’s next? Many performers find that using a remote vibe, and allowing fans to take control of it in exchange for tips, is a fun way to boost their earnings. Lovense toys are specifically designed with this functionality in mind.

But what are the best vibrators for long distance couples, cam models, and anyone else who needs a toy with remote control capability? Turns out that’s not a simple question to answer. Here are a few things you might want to consider to help you choose the best long-distance sex toy for YOU.

What’s Your Budget?

App-controlled and long distance sex toys are becoming more accessible, price-wise, as more and more companies are making them. You might say that sex tech has gone mainstream! Even so, there are products available at a wide range of price points. Lower priced products in this category tend to start at around the $80 mark, but you can easily spend hundreds of dollars for high-end products from some brands.

Before you start shopping, decide on your budget. You might need to compromise on some features, depending on how much you want to spend. Which brings us to…

Which Features Matter Most to You?

You should also consider which features you want your toys to have and what matters the most to you. For some people, the most important feature will be the toy’s level of power. Though there are exceptions, many people who use sex toys tend to prefer strong, rumbly vibrations over weaker, buzzier ones.

App reliability is another big factor to consider. You don’t want the connection to keep dropping in the middle of your hot virtual sex date! And if you’re into the idea of semi-public play (or live with family/roommates), the volume of the toy might also be important to you.

When it comes to power, volume, and app connectivity, the best thing you can do is read honest reviews like the ones you’ll find here and on other sex blogs. Good sex toy bloggers test things robustly and call it as we see it when we give our verdict on a product.

Some app-controlled sex toys are more feature-rich than others. At the most basic level, app control will allow your partner to switch the toy on and off and scroll through a pre-set range of speeds and patterns. More advanced products have all kinds of fancy bonus features. For example, some toys allow you to draw your own vibration patterns, sync the vibrations to music, or even use your wearable toy as an alarm.

The Lovense Connect app
App: Lovense Connect

If you’re non-monogamous or do certain types of sex work, such as camming or phone sex, the option to give control to different people at the touch of a button might be important to you. Some toys only let you add one partner to their apps at a time. This means that you have to delete and re-add every time you’re playing with a different person.

The Most Powerful App-Controlled Toys

Two of the biggest players in app-controlled sex toys right now are Lovense and We-Vibe. These products are popular for a reason – they are, in the main, high quality, reliable, and powerful vibes. But they are far from the only options on the market. Other options include Lovehoney’s Desire range as well as products from brands like Kiiroo, Svakom, and Lelo. I strongly suspect that over the next few years, most of the major sex toy brands will start bringing out app-controlled toys, if they haven’t already.

From a personal perspective, I have found We-Vibe’s products to be the most consistently powerful app-controlled toys I’ve tried. Lovense products are also generally pretty powerful. Interestingly, however, I found their most iconic and popular product (the Lush) rather lacklustre in the power department.

Consider Privacy

I am far from a digital privacy expert. I do know that some people with far more knowledge than me have expressed legitimate concerns over the privacy aspect of app-connected sex toys. Ultimately, you must do your own research and decide your level of acceptable risk. If you’re concerned, read the privacy policy of the company you’re considering buying from. You can also check out reviews from sex tech experts to see what they have to say about the privacy aspect.

A Few Specific Recommendations

As you can see, it’s not easy to give a blanket answer to the question “what are the best vibrators for long-distance sex?” Ultimately, what’s best for you will depend on your personal preferences and the various factors I’ve discussed in this piece.

But from a personal perspective, here are a few of the app-controlled sex toys that I like the most:

  • Lovense Ferri, a fabulously powerful-yet-discreet knicker vibe.
  • Lovense Domi, a genuinely brilliant wand. You don’t see app-controlled wand vibrators very often, which makes this one even more appealing.
  • We-Vibe Nova 2, an app-controlled rabbit vibe with a fantastic clit-friendly design.
  • We-Vibe Chorus, designed for clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex but also ideal for hands-free long-distance play.
  • Hot Octopuss x Kiiroo Pulse Solo, a high-tech update to the innovative masturbator inspired by medical technology.

This post was sponsored by Designurbate, a tool that allows you to customize your Chaturbate profile and stand out from the crowd. All writing and views are, as always, my own.