[Toy Review] We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator

A co-produced toy by one of my favourite manufacturers and one of my favourite retailers? Sign me up! The We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator (woof, that’s a mouthful) recently landed on my doorstep to review as part of my Sex Ed September series.

I’m writing this post on Saturday 26 September 2020, which is Smutathon 2020 day! A group of sex writers around the world are writing for 12 hours to raise money for Endometriosis UK, a fantastic cause that’s very close to our hearts. To that end, if you purchase through my affiliate links today (not just this toy – any product) I’ll donate any commissions dated today to the charity.

And of course, we’d love you to donate directly and help us reach our £3000 target!

With that out of the way…

Let’s have a closer look at the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator.

This toy is the latest in the line of We-Vibe’s signature U-shaped vibrators, designed to be worn during penis-in-vagina intercourse. The slimmer of the two “arms” anchors the toy inside the vagina, while the outer arm rests against the vulva and provides clitoral stimulation.

The We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couples Vibrator

This toy is rechargeable via a USB cable, giving about 90 minutes of playtime for a 2-hour charge. While the toy itself is completely waterproof, the remote is not. The WV x LH Couple’s Vibrator is 3.5 inches in total length, and the insertable section is 3 inches long.

What I liked

The We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator is made of body-safe matte silicone. This makes it phthalate-free, non-porous, and a breeze to clean.

This toy’s two arms are separated by a flexible hinge. This allows you to position it at whatever angle is most pleasurable for your body. Since no two bodies are the same, making it adjustable better enables users to get the perfect fit for them.

The slimline design of the internal arm will make it comfortable for the majority of wearers, and prevent it from being too obtrusive during penetrative play.

I often roll my eyes about “hands free” toys. But, to give this product credit where it’s due, it did stay in place reasonably well. I don’t think it can truly be described as “hands free” as it moves around with intense thrusting, but I found it much easier to keep in place than an entirely hand-held toy. For solo sex purposes, I can pretty much use it hands-free.

Finally, the remote control is well designed. It’s very light, easy and unobtrusive to hold, and the controls are intuitive. Two buttons allow you to scroll through pattern settings, the othes change the speed.

Remote control for a remote control couples vibrator

And what I didn’t like

I had high hopes for the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator. We-Vibe is known for producing toys with high-quality, powerful and rumbly motors.

Sadly, the reality just didn’t match up to expectations. I don’t know if We-Vibe decided to use a different type of motor for this collaborative production, but the power in this iteration of their classic design is woefully lacking.

The vibrations are buzzy, surface-level, middling strength at best, and ultimately unsatisfying. I was not able to reach orgasm with it and I doubt I will use it again.

Final thoughts

Honestly, I’m underwhelmed.

I really wanted this toy to be amazing, as a collaboration between two companies I love should be. While the design is great in some ways, I can’t easily forgive a sex toy that completely failed to get me off. While I understand that the We-Vibe name carries a premium price-tag, at £99.99 this toy is far too expensive for its quality level.

For that reason, I sadly can’t entirely endorse this product. If you can afford to spend a little more, get the Sync or Chorus instead. If you’re on a budget and looking for something that will fit between bodies during sex, you’ll be better off with a really good bullet vibe.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the We-Vibe x Lovehoney Remote Control Couple’s Vibrator to review. All views are my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Sex Tips for Bad Depression Days

Hi, I’m Amy and I have depression. (Plus anxiety, PTSD, and a whole fun laundry list of Brain Stuff! But today we’re focusing on depression).

My depression and I have learned to live with each other over the years. It’s not exactly a good relationship, but we’ve reached an uneasy truce of sorts. One of the biggest challenges for me has been navigating the impact of depression on my sexuality.

To that end, here are some of the things I’ve learned about sex on bad depression days. Take the ones that work for you, discard the rest. We’re all different, and what works for me might not work for you.

It’s okay to not have sex

I feel like this should-be-obvious-but-isn’t point is often missed out of conversations about sex and depression. If you just can’t right now, that’s okay! You’re no less of a partner or a sex-positive person if you sometimes can’t or don’t want to have sex at all.

If you don’t feel like it? Give yourself a break and let your libido return in its own time.

But you’re also allowed to want sex!

There’s a school of thought (that I hate) that says it’s not okay to have sex ith a depressed person. Well if that was the case, I wouldn’t have gotten laid at all since… March?

If you want to have sex, even while you’re depressed, that’s okay! As long as you have capacity to consent, there’s no reason not to go ahead and enjoy having sex if you want to.

One of the worst things past partners have done when I’ve been depressed is decline sex (that they otherwise would have wanted) to “protect me from myself”. A depressed person is still a grown-ass adult capable of making choices, and doesn’t need to be protected from their own desire for sex.

See sex as self care

If you’d like to have sex and think it would make you feel better, why not conceptualise it as being in the same category as drinking a glass of water, going for a walk, or meditating? That is, as an act of self-care.

I find this particularly useful when it comes to masturbation. If I push through the fog and get myself to masturbate, an orgasm will invariably make me feel better… or at least help me sleep (which will make me feel better).

Have low-energy sex

For many people, including me, one of the primary symptoms of depression is debilitating exhaustion. When I’m in that space, four-hour marathon fuck sessions in all kinds of creative positions are just not going to happen.

But lying back while my partner fucks me? Crawling over their lap for a spanking? Pushing a wand vibrator against my junk (possibly through clothing) and just leaving it there until I come? That I can do!

Use the physical to take you out of your head

Lots of people find intense workouts or adrenaline-fuelled challenges comforting when they’re depressed. This is because focusing on something very physical can take your focus away from the dark places your brain is going to.

For me, that intense physical experience is sex and/or kink. If I have highly physical sex, it allows me to focus on something else besides the hell my brain is dragging me through. Whether it’s the thud of body-on-body or the slap of a heavy flogger across my butt, physical sensations take me out of my depression spiral and ground me in the moment.

Honour where your body is at

Sometimes, depression can mess with physical arousal. In other words, the brain might be willing, but the body has other ideas. For people with penises, this might result in difficulty getting or maintaining an erection. People with vulvas might struggle with a lack of natural lubrication.

The best way to have great sex on bad depression days is to honour where your body is and meet it there. That means staying curious, staying adaptable, and trying not to get frustrated or cast blame.

If you can, see it as an opportunity for learning and experimentation. If you want to have sex but your penis just isn’t getting hard today, why not pleasure your partner with your hand, your mouth, or a toy? And if genital stimulation is difficult right now, you could trade massages, experiment with kink, or just hold your partner and whisper filth in their ear while they jerk off.

Use the tools that help

Sex toys are amazing any time, but they really come into their own for me on bad depression days. If a partner’s bio-dick isn’t getting hard (or they don’t feel like using it), they can use a dildo on me. If I’m not up for penetration, clitoral vibes can provide tonnes of pleasure.

Then of course there’s probably my favourite depression-sex tool of all time: lube! When I’m sad, I can be mentally turned on but my body might not have the physical response to match. Tonnes of lube keeps things painless and fun.

So there you have it – my sex-and-depression tips. I’d love to know if any of these work for you, or if you have any favourite strategies I’ve not thought of!

#SexEdSeptember logo, for a post on sex and depression

This post is part of my #SexEdSeptember series. If you find my work useful, you can help me keep doing this by buying me a coffee! This post contains affiliate links.

[Toy Review] Lovense Lush 2

To say I was excited to get my hands on the Lovense Lush 2 would be an understatement. Lovense toys have a reputation that precedes them, and I’ve never been able to get one for review before.

So let’s dive in and find out what I thought of the Lovense Lush 2, shall we?

Lovense Lush 2

The Lush 2 by Lovense is a rechargeable, app-controlled “love egg” style vibrator.

It is 8 inches long, of which about 3.5 inches are intertable. The rest is a long, flexible tail. The Lush 2 is made of body-safe silicone in a ridiculously bright, obnoxious shade of pink.

It’s described as a “love egg” vibrator, but the main body isn’t really quite egg shaped. Instead it has a bulge on one side, which I guess is supposed to hit the G-spot. The body and tail shape kinda makes me think of a sperm! Here’s what it looks like:

The Lovense Lush 2 on a wooden floor

On my body, the main head of the toy really isn’t long enough or the right shape to hit my G-spot with any degree of precision. Given this and the that I’m not a big fan of internal vibrations, I was more inclined to use it as a clitoral vibrator.

This toy is fully waterproof, and rechargeable via a USB cable (you get around 2.5 hours of use for a 2 hour charge).

App Functionality

Perhaps the biggest appeal of Lovense’s toys is their superior app functionality. Having thoroughly tested my Lush 2 with the Lovense app, I can confirm that it’s by far the best sex toy remote control app I’ve ever used.

This is absolutely a toy that was designed with app-first usage in mind. Without the app, the interface is a single button (located on the end of the tail) that you use to scroll one way through the three constant vibration speeds and four inbuilt patterns.

The Lovense Remote app is free to download and compatible with iOS 9.0 and later, and Android 4.3 and later. There’s also a Mac version, and a Windows PC version (though you need a special Lovense USB Bluetooth Adaptor for the latter).

You’ll need to set up a free account to use the app, which takes a couple of minutes. Then you switch on your Bluetooth and click the link symbol in the top right corner to connect your toy. Unlike other app-based toys I’ve used, my Lush 2 connected in a couple of seconds. The connection is steady and reliable.

The Lovense Connect app

Once you’ve connected your toy to the app, you have a number of different options. You can use the “Remote” control panel to change the vibration speed with the swipe of a finger, or create your own repeating pattern using the “loop” feature. In “My Patterns,” you can find the pre-installed vibration patterns and also create and save your own.

The other cool app options include:

  • “Alarm”, wherein you can schedule the toy to start vibrating at a specific time. (Yes I tested it, and yes it works). I mean, the idea of waking up with this thing buzzing away inside me is not my idea of fun, but some people might enjoy it!
  • “Sound” makes the toy sound-responsive. You can talk at it, play music, or even just tap gently on something nearby and the Lush 2 will vibrate in time with it. It’s EXTREMELY responsive – at the top sensitivity setting, it was picking up traffic noise from the end of my street and responding to that. So you might want to turn the sensitivity level down a bit. This function has some particularly interesting D/s potential. I have to admit the idea of a Dom making my vibe react with just their voice is hot as fuck. You could even watch porn and sync the toy with the performers’ sounds!
  • “Music”, which allows you to sync the vibrations along with music. You can use music files uploaded to your device, or link your app with streaming services like Spotify.
The Lovense Connect app

Long-distance functions

You can hand over control of your Lovense Lush 2 to your partner using the “Long Distance” tab. For privacy reasons, you can’t search by email address, so your partner will need to set up an account so you can add one another by username.

Again, the connectivity is quick and simple, and remains steady as long as you both have Bluetooth and a stable internet connection.

You can also create a limited-time “control link”, allowing you to hand over control for a specified amount of time from a few seconds up to 60 minutes. Every link is unique, for one-time use only, and expires if not used within 30 minutes. You can end the session any time by simply pressing “back” on the app.

The Lovense Connect app

Lovense provides a useful how-to guide to help you set up.

Cam site connection

The Lovense Lush 2 boasts the ability to connect with cam sites, which I haven’t seen from any other sex toy companies. Cam models and performers can sync any Lush toy with numerous cam sites including Chaturbate, Manyvids, MyFreeCams, and more. You can then create tip-based responses, allowing your fans to “control” your vibe by tipping you.

Of course, it’s also possible to hand over control to your high tippers using the control link function mentioned above.

As I’m not a cam performer, I have not tested this functionality myself. However, I have seen clips of sex workers using it, and read reviews that are generally very positive about it.

Power

Sadly, what the Lovense Lush 2 has in app functionality and innovation, it lacks in power. As soon as I switched it on in my hand, I was unimpressed. I hoped it might feel better once I was warmed up and using it on my genitals, but alas I remained underwhelmed.

The Lovense Lush 2 on a white bedsheet

The Lovense Lush 2’s vibrations aren’t exactly terrible, but they’re just… not good. They’re fairly buzzy and, even on the highest setting, nowhere near powerful enough to justify this toy’s price tag.

I’m sad to report that this toy didn’t get me off. After multiple attempts, I had to reach for a trusty wand to finish the job.

Final thoughts

I can only recommend this toy if you’re after app functionality or long-distance capability and if you don’t need very powerful vibrations. The Lovense Lush 2’s app is great, and the tip connectivity option for adult performers is genuinely cool and unique.

Unfortunately, its power level really lets the Lovense Lush 2 down. For a vibrator that costs £139.99, a nifty app isn’t enough. I expect it to actually be powerful to get me off. Which, frankly, is a low bar for a supposedly high-end toy to meet.

Without the cool app features, all you have is an overpriced vibrator with a mediocre motor.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Lovense Lush 2 to review! All opinions are, as always, my own. Buying through my affiliate links sends a small commission my way at no extra cost to you.

What to Do if Medication is Messing with Your Pleasure

Unfortunately, sexual side effects are incredibly common with numerous types of medication. Antidepressants including SSRIs and MOAIs, blood pressure medications, and certain hormonal meds are just some of the commonly prescribed drugs that can affect sexual function.

The impact can include loss of arousal, erectile issues, pain during sex, and anorgasmia. Obviously, not everyone who takes medication experiences these issues and not everyone will experience them to the same extent. But they are super common.

Please note that I am not a medical professional, so I have kept my advice here in the realm of sex and relationship advice, not medical advice.

With that disclaimer out of the way, what can you do if medication is messing with your sexual pleasure?

Talk to your doctor

You shouldn’t have to choose between medication that helps you, and a happy and pleasurable sex life. You should be able to have both! If you’re suffering from sexual side effects, talk to your doctor.

A good doctor will work with you to find a medication solution that helps you without damaging your sex life. If your doctor dismisses you or doesn’t think sexual pleasure is important, fire that doctor and get a new one if you possibly can.

Sex matters to many of us. It’s a quality of life issue. You deserve to get medical support and be taken seriously.

Expand your definition of sex

If you can’t or don’t want to change your medication, you can get creative to enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Are you defining sex as just one thing? Too many people still think “sex” refers only to penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus penetration.

If you’re not able to do those things right now, or finding them less pleasurable, expanding your definition of sex can open up a new world of fun. What if sex didn’t have to involve penetration? What if sex didn’t have to involve orgasm?

You might also find that taking the pressure off, by focusing on things other than penetration or orgasm or whatever you’re struggling with, will actually make it easier for those things to happen. Pressure and stress are huge desire-killers.

Experiment with toys

For example, if you have a penis and are struggling with erectile issues, why not try a toy like the Hot Octopuss Pulse? This innovative toy is designed to work equally well on a flaccid or hard penis.

If you’re struggling with loss of sensation or reduced sensation, a very powerful vibrator can help. When I suffered from anorgasmia due to antidepressants, it was a wand vibrator that finally broke through the block.

If erection struggles are at play but you want to do penetrative sex with your partner, it’s completely okay to use a strap-on! This can give you the sensation of fucking without the pressure and stress of wondering whether your body will cooperate.

Communicate

I know too many people who have struggled through sex that was not pleasurable, or was even painful, because they didn’t want to let their partner down.

However, a partner who loves and respects you will want to understand your experience and support you. Talk to them about where you’re at and how you’re feeling.

You deserve great sex, and great (partnered) sex is a collaborative process. So be honest with your partner and share your experience. If you want their help, ask for it. If you just want their patience and understanding while you adjust, ask for that too.

Fight self-blame and shame

There’s no shame in what you’re going through right now. Sexual problems are still hugely stigmatised and, unfortunately, so are certain types of medication (such as antidepressants). However, please try to avoid getting into a shame cycle or blaming yourself.

If you’re struggling with shame, reach out to others who have had similar experiences, ask your partner for reassurance and support, or talk to a therapist.

You have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about!

The #SexEdSeptember logo, for a post about medication and sex

This post is part of my #SexEdSeptember series. If you find my work useful, you can help me keep doing this by buying me a coffee! This post contains affiliate links.

[Toy Review] Fun Factory Volta

I’ve lusted after Fun Factory toys over the years, but never actually managed to get my hands on one. So I was super excited when my friend LSB held a sex toy sale and offered me the Volta at a bargain price! The Fun Factory Volta is the toy that the Satisfyer Power Flower was inspired by shamelessly ripped off from. Having loved the knock-off, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on the real thing!

Meet the Fun Factory Volta

The Fun Factory Volta is an external vibrator with a shaft that splits into two “tongues”. The effect is that, when the vibrations are turned on, the tongues flicker against the clit or anywhere else you care to place the toy.

The Fun Factory Volta in pink

The Volta’s body is made of soft and body-safe silicone, and the ergonomic loop design handle is ABS plastic. The toy is rechargeable via a magnetic cable (included), and you get about 90 minutes of use out of a 2-hour charge. It is also fully waterproof, making for easy cleaning (and also bath/shower play, if that’s your jam).

The Fun Factory Volta is 7.5 inches in length and weighs in at 190g. It offers six intensities of constant vibration, and six different pulsing patterns.

How do those little flicky tongues feel? Is that really pleasurable!?

Dear God, yes.

The Fun Factory Volta is powered by Fun Factory’s signature strong, rumbly motor. The result is that the vibrations travel up the shaft and make the silicone tongues rapidly flicker. It’s kinda hard to explain, so I made a video!

It feels fucking incredible. It’s surprisingly versatile, too. For some reason, the left side of my clit is my sweet spot, so I like angling the Fun Factory Volta so that it laps at my clit from that side. But you can also use it in a straight-down position, or run the tips over your labia, or draw circles with it over your clit, or or or…

You can hold it so that the flickering tips just touch you for gentle stimulation, or apply more pressure to get sensations over a wider area.

You can also use the Fun Factory Volva if you have a penis! My partner hasn’t tried it yet, but we tested this theory when I reviewed the Power Flower and can confirm it works. You can either hug the head of the penis with the Volta’s tips, or run it along the shaft (and/or balls, if you’re into that).

The Fun Factory Volta in pink, viewed from the tongue end

Yes, this toy is amazing. Because it’s so versatile, I like using it for a long, luxurious wank session that slowly escalates from a gentle tease up to a quivering, sheet-soaking orgasm.

Tip: the tongues can feel a little pokey if you’re not well lubricated, so use plenty of water-based lube.

User Interface

The Volta operates on a simple 3-button interface. There’s an on/off button, and plus/minus buttons to scroll through the patterns. The buttons make a pleasing click when you press them, and the symbols on them light up. Ideal if you’re playing in a space with dim lighting!

The Fun Factory Volta buttons

Weirdly, whichever pattern you’re using, if you press the “minus” button it will take you back to the strongest constant vibration setting. This is kind of an odd interface and takes some getting used to. But, as someone for whom powerful constant vibrations are always a winner, I can’t say I hate it.

Final thoughts

After having played with this toy a few times, I feel confident in saying this: it’s the best clitoral vibrator I’ve tried this year, and probably one of the best I’ve ever tried. Seriously, it’s that good.

You can get the Fun Factory Volta from Lovehoney for £99.99, or Shevibe for $139.99. It comes in pink, black, and turquoise, though not all stores have all colours available.

If you’re on the fence about this toy, get one! Your bits will thank you.

This post contains affiliate links! Shopping through them helps support my work at no extra cost to you. All opinions, as always, are my own.

6 Important Things to Consider When You Choose Your First Sex Toy

If there’s one question I wish people would stop asking me, it’s “what’s the best sex toy?” I understand the reasoning behind this question, of course. When someone’s trying to choose their first sex toy, the options can be overwhelming.

Problem is, it’s the wrong question. Because the best sex toy for me won’t be the best toy for you!

To that end, here’s a quick guide to some of the important factors you should consider when you go toy shopping.

Choosing Your First Sex Toy

Buying a sex toy for the first time can be thrilling and nervewracking in equal measure. If you’ve never bought one before, how do you know if you’ll like something or not?

Unfortunately, there are no foolproof ways. But asking yourself these questions will help.

What kind of stimulation do you like?

Even if you’ve never used a toy before, you might have some idea of what kinds of stimulation you enjoy during partnered or solo sex.

Do you like intense clitoral stimulation? If so, a wand might do it for you. Do you like your sensations very pinpoint, very broad, or somewhere in between? Do you like deep penetration or shallow? Are you into length, girth, or both? And so on.

Use what you already know about your body to guide your choice.

What body part(s) do you want to use it on?

Most toys are designed with specific body parts in mind, but many can also be repurposed and used in different ways. Still, knowing which part(s) you’d like to stimulate will help you make a good choice.

Are you looking for internal (vaginal) stimulation, clitoral, or both? At the same time or separately? Do you want something to use on your penis? How do you feel about anal play? And so on.

If you’re not sure, choose a versatile toy. Many vibrators can be used both internally and externally. Dildos with a flared base are anal-safe as well as vaginal-safe.

What kind of play will it be used for?

I think you all know by now how I feel about the concept of “sex toys for couples”. (There’s no such thing! Anything is a couples’ toy if you use it with your partner!)

However, the kind of play you’ll use your toys for will have some bearing on what you choose. I absolutely love my wands. But I rarely use them during penetrative sex, because they’re just so hefty and it’s hard to fit them between bodies. If I want clitoral stimulation during vaginal or anal sex, I’m more likely to reach for my favourite bullet.

You might choose something different if you’re after a toy for solo play versus something to use with your partner. Again, you might not – but bear this in mind.

A selection of drawings of sex toys, for a post on choosing your first sex toy
Original artwork for Coffee & Kink by Charlotte Willcox

Where and when will you be using it?

Do you have children or roommates at home who you’re worried about disturbing? Does your house have thin walls? Discretion matters a great deal to some people, and not at all to others. Consider your living situation and privacy needs when you select a toy.

Do you like to masturbate in the bath or shower? If so, choose a waterproof toy. Will you be wanting to take your toy with you when you travel? In that case, something smaller or portable is a good bet. Do you regularly play in places like sex clubs where there might not be easy access to a power outlet? If so, rechargeable or battery powered is probably better than mains-powered.

What’s your budget?

This is the first question I ask people when they ask me for a sex toy recommendation, because toys vary wildly in price.

Fortunately, you can get good quality toys on a budget. So don’t let anyone tell you that you have to settle for unsafe crap if you can’t afford to drop three figures on a sex toy! This is simply not true and there are loads of manufacturers making awesome products that won’t break the bank.

Have a maximum budget, or at least a range, in mind before you go shopping.

Do aesthetics matter to you?

Some people have strong aesthetic preferences for their toys. For example, some are super turned on by a hyper-realistic dildo, while others find it offputting. Some like their toys in bright, vibrant colours. Some hate pink. Cuteness is appealing to some and cringy to others. And so on.

Do you have strong feelings on how you’d like your toy to look? You might not, and that’s okay! But if you do, pay attention to what you feel drawn to.

What next?

It’s literally impossible to recommend someone a sex toy without knowing quite a lot about their needs and preferences. The best advice I can give you is to do your research, read reviews, and get to know your body.

Then experiment and have fun!

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This post is part of my Sex Ed September series, where I’ll be sharing educational content all month long. Post contains affiliate links. All views, as always, are my own. If you find my work valuable, buying me a coffee help keeps the lights on at C&K HQ.

[Guest Blog] I Wish I Could Masturbate Like a Man by Holly Hughes

Today’s guest post comes from Holly Hughes, a writer and intuitive healer based in North Carolina.

I wish I could masturbate like a cis man. I imagine it’s super freeing to be able to lean back and knock out an orgasm. If nothing else, it must be a huge stress reliever. 

I’ve never even considered sitting at my office desk and pleasuring myself. Is it even possible? I mean, the way I need things to be set up – curtains drawn, door closed, pets out of the room, and privacy – there’s no way I believe I could give myself pleasure while seated on a vegan leather office chair. 

I didn’t own a vibrator until I was thirty. Sad but true. There I was, naïve in all things vibrating, and determined to get over it. I asked a friend to come with me to a sex store, so I’d be less intimidated. My friend had firsthand knowledge of the world of pleasure I was about to enter, and I felt safe exploring the black-lit sex shop with him.

As we crossed the threshold, my eyes first went to the cage, the bondage and leather on display. This was all much more daring than my skimpiest Victoria’s Secret lingerie. It was sexual in a way I hadn’t experienced. Some of the devices and apparatus made me giggle, others were appealing, and I wondered how I missed out on so much fun. 

The store’s staff were informative and helpful. I’m sure I looked like a newbie as my eyes ran over everything on display. Fortunately, the staff were happy to ease my nervous curiosities. One employee led me into a room farther back, where various sizes and shapes of vibrators were displayed. She demonstrated how to turn them on and the features that made each one unique. Some were curved, others had ridges, moving internal parts like beads, or multiple controls. She placed each one in my hands, allowing me to feel how hard or soft the silicone was. 

At this point in my life, the only penis that never failed to give me an orgasm (or several) belonged to my ex. When we were together, I used to jokingly plead with him to make a mold, so if we ever broke up, I could still have it. It was just the right length and had the most spectacular curve that never failed to hit my g-spot. Years later, I still wish I got that mold.

Back to the sex shop. After inspecting numerous vibrators of all sizes and shapes, I settled on a lavender rabbit. It had multiple speeds, and the color made it less intimidating. It remained in its box under my bed for months until one night when, alone in my room and feeling frisky, I decided to try it out.

I opened the box, added batteries, shut my cat out of the bedroom, and closed the door. Then I got naked, got under my covers, and turned the vibrator on. I was shocked at how loud it was. I tried muffling it under a pile of blankets. The noise was a complete turn off, and I was sure my neighbors would hear it through my thin apartment walls. Needless to say, there was no orgasm. I packed the rabbit back up and shoved it into my bedside table drawer.

Months later, I tried again. This time I ignored the fear of being heard masturbating and simply enjoyed the experience.

Fast forward a decade or so, and I’ve explored and discovered the type of lover-in-a-drawer that does it for me. Now the biggest hindrance to my ability to enjoy time with it is being a busy entrepreneur, mother, wife, friend, and author. The idea of a little stress relief is always appealing, but I still need to be left alone to enjoy my own devices. I have no doubt my husband doesn’t have the same issue. He’s able to just lean back in his office chair and pleasure himself. 

My typical self-love routine (and I really hate that it’s a routine, but it’s true) starts with digging out my vibrators from the drawer under my bed. I keep them safely hidden beneath an ugly holiday sweater and my old thermal underwear, just in case my daughter ever goes snooping in my belongings. I check to make sure the toys don’t need new batteries. I have one now that needs to be plugged in.

After I make sure I have privacy and a working instrument, I lay back and enjoy a favorite fantasy or two, mostly having to do with Taylor Kitsch or Benjamin Walker. And bam! Stress relief and orgasm are had.

But most times, things don’t go quite that smoothly. Today, for instance, I really wanted to relax before going to get my mammogram. My husband wasn’t home, and I had thirty minutes before I had to leave. So, I broke out my favorite toys. One had no charge, so I had to make do with my backup. I got comfortable and was about to begin when I heard moaning coming from next to the bed. Then I heard the thumping of my dog running up and jumping onto the bed to snuggle next to me. 

“No,” I said. “Get out.”

He looked at me with his big brown puppy-dog eyes and refused to move. Now naked, I picked him up and put him on the other side of my closed bedroom door. 

Before I even made it back to enjoy any sensation of pleasure, I heard a meow, meow, meow. Our kitten was on the other side of the door. 

This was the first time I ever wished my vibrator was louder and could say things like, “Don’t pay attention to the cat. You’re so sexy. You feel so good.” But I couldn’t make my mind tune out the cat meowing or the dog scratching, so I yelled, “Shut up!” Nothing like pets to ruin the mood. 

It’s not as if I get this chance for alone time often. And honestly, when I do, I worry about my husband walking in. Not that he’d mind at all, it’s more about wanting to be left alone to enjoy myself without anyone watching or participating. Isn’t that what masturbating is all about? Self-pleasure? I know my man doesn’t have the same needs or issues, or even gives any more thought to masturbating than, yeah, now’s a good time. No need for soft lighting or routine.  I wish I could masturbate like him.

I imagine many cis men can rub one out in a minute or two, but my body doesn’t work like that. And there are times when I know that, no matter what I do, my orgasm won’t come. That even though I know how to pleasure myself, my body won’t cooperate. This happened to me after the birth of my child, and was especially true after my hysterectomy. I felt like Samantha from Sex and the City, wondering if I’d used all my orgasms up.

Thankfully, of course, that wasn’t true. But it did take me longer than I care to admit to enjoy sex again after both of those life-altering events. My insides felt so different. I felt the changes acutely and I was afraid my husband wouldn’t like them and would find me less desirable. I’m thankful to my sex toys for helping me heal and find my pleasure again. 

But there are always days like today when I think it would be nice to sneak off and not have so many obstacles to masturbating. I imagine, like peeing standing up, there are advantages to masturbating while sitting up in an office chair with the lights on and the dog laying by your feet. As for me, I’ll be waiting for a quiet and private moment to pleasure myself with my always ready boyfriend-in-a-drawer.

Holly is a freelance writer and intuitive healer living in North Carolina. When she isn’t working you can find her getting ready for Halloween or dancing. Check out her website and follow her on Instagram!

[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Jett

I find myself in an interesting position: reviewing a toy designed for people with penises, when I myself do not have a penis. I’ve had the Hot Octopuss Jett sitting in my to-review pile for a ridiculously long time. Fortunately, the team have been incredibly patient in waiting for me to get this out.

Let’s jump in, shall we?

The Hot Octopuss Jett

The Jett, by Hot Octopuss, is an interesting cock-ring/vibrator combo. It consists of a three-part silicone sleeve. One hole is for the penis to go through, and the other two fit the Jett’s two removable bullet vibrators. The bullets are attached with wires to the remote control, which also houses the batteries.

The Hot Octopuss Jett

On a person with a cock, the toy is designed to be worn against the frenulum, just below the tip of the penis. Like this:

The Hot Octopuss Jett on the Godemiche Adam dildo
Stunt cock: Godemiche Adam

The stretchy sleeve expands as the penis engorges, and the toy purports to deliver hands-free orgasms to penis owners. Not having the required anatomy, I cannot comment from personal experience, but other reviews I’ve read imply that this is an accurate summary.

The Hot Octopuss Jett requires 4 AA batteries, which are not included. It comes with a silky Hot Octopuss branded storage bag. The Jett is not waterproof.

All about the Bass (and Treble)

So here’s the ridiculously cool thing about the Hot Octopuss Jett: the two vibrating bullets vibrate at different frequencies! In sex toy parlance, that means that one of the vibes is super deep and rumbly, while the other is more surface-level and buzzy.

Because you can control the speed of each bullet completely independently, you can adjust them until you find the combo that’s perfect for you. It’s basically two vibrators in one. Each bullet has six intensity settings.

The buttons are large plus/minus symbols, easy to press and easy to feel without looking. Pro tip: before you start playing, take a second to work out which button is controlling which bullet. The last thing you want is to turn the wrong one down at a critical moment!

The Hot Octopuss Jett control panel

The Jett also has 10 vibration patterns you can scroll through using the small button in the middle of the remote.

Care and cleaning

The Jett is made of a combination of two body-safe materials: silicone and ABS plastic. Add a bit of water-based lube for added comfort and enjoyment!

As the Jett is not waterproof, you’ll need to clean it carefully. The best way to do this is to wipe the bullets down with a body-safe medical wipe. You can sterilise the silicone sleeve using either the boil method or a 10% bleach solution.

Take the batteries out in between uses and they’ll last longer.

So how did I get on with it?

There’s never just one way to use a sex toy. (I mean, sometimes there are zero ways that make any sense, but I digress). Therefore, being the creative sex blogger that I am, I thought I’d set out to find ways to use the Hot Octopuss Jett as a vulva toy.

The most obvious use is to simply detach the bullets from the sleeve and use one or both of them as a clitoral vibrator. I tried this first, and hoooooooly shit.

The rumbly bullet (that’s the “Bass” side) is packing some serious power. I’m not exaggerating when I say this is the most powerful and rumbly battery-powered toy I’ve ever tried. Many rechargeables cannot hold a candle to this. If you like power and rumbles, and don’t mind some slightly fiddly wires, look no further.

The Hot Octopuss Jett brought me to orgasm in under 5 minutes, which is an extremely impressive feat for anything that isn’t a mains powered wand.

Naturally, I tried the buzzy side (the “Treble”) too. It wasn’t bad, as buzzy vibes go, but I’m just not really a fan in general. If you like more surface-level vibrations, though, it might suit you fine.

The other way for vulva owners to use this toy is to keep both bullets in the sleeve and press it against the clit. The advantage of doing it this way is that you can use the cock ring part as a little handle, or even slide two fingers through it and hold the toy in place that way.

The Hot Octopuss Jett in a womans hand

This method was a success, too. The silicone dampens the intensity of the vibrations a little, but not too much. This is the best way to use this toy on a vulva if you want to make the most of the treble/bass combo and the combined power of both bullets.

One little complaint: one of the wires tends to come loose during use, causing one of the bullets to cut out. Luckily it’s the buzzier bullet that has this issue on my Jett, so I don’t care as much, but it’s still kinda annoying.

Do I recommend it?

I’m really, really impressed with the Hot Octopuss Jett. Between this and the awesome Amo, this company are absolutely knocking it out of the park lately.

I heartily recommend the Jett. Yes, it’s designed with penises in mind, but it’s brilliant for vulvas too. New to sex toys and not sure if you like buzzy or rumbly vibes? The Jett is a great and relatively inexpensive way to try both and see what you prefer.

The Jett retails for a reasonably priced £49.00. If you buy from Hot Octopuss directly using my affiliate links, I make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

The Hot Octopuss Jett was provided to me in exchange for an honest review. All views, as always, are mine.

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Nova 2

Dual-stimulation sex toys are very, very hard to get right. Given all the beautiful variety of bodies and vulvas, it’s not surprising that most dual-stim toys leave a lot of users feeling disappointed. Add to that the ever-present shitty motors, weak vibrations, and annoyingly placed controls, and you can see why I rarely expect much from these products. So keep this context in mind as I tell you about the We-Vibe Nova 2 and why it blew me away.

A Nova-l Invention

The We-Vibe Nova 2 is an updated, upgraded version of the classic and much-loved Nova. It is a rabbit style dual-stimulation vibrator featuring an adjustable internal arm, a flexible external arm for clitoral stimulation, and two separate motors:

The We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

The Nova 2 is made from body-safe matte silicone in a vibrant dark pink colour (make it in other colours please!) I always recommend using lube, especially with insertable toys. Silicone toys pair best with water-based lubes (I’m currently really liking Sliquid Oceanics.)

The Nova 2 is also fully waterproof, rechargeable (giving about 2 hours’ play for a 90 minute charge,) and comes with a white silky storage bag included. It is 8.5 inches in total length, of which 5 are insertable. The insertable arm is 1.35 inches in diameter at the widest point, making it a fairly slimline toy.

So how is the We-Vibe Nova 2 different from other rabbit vibrators?

The beauty of the We-Vibe Nova 2 is in its adjustability. The insertable arm is on a hinge, allowing you to bend it to the angle that best fits your body. This is brilliant because everyone’s vagina is different. The exact location of the G-spot, the intensity of pressure we prefer, and the depth of penetration that is pleasurable is different for everyone. Just reposition it once and it’ll stay put until you move it again.

The clitoral stimulator is flexible and curved in a way that can best be described as resembling a finger doing a “come hither” motion. The advertising copy boasts that this design ensures “constant contact with your clitoris”. I am pleased to report that it really did work that way for me!

The We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

I can’t overstate how much of a game-changer this design for the external arm is. One of the biggest problems people report with rabbit vibrators is being unable to thrust with them or adjust the angle of the insertable arm without losing clitoral contact. This innovative product has finally cracked that problem.

So about those motors?

If there’s one thing I have come to expect from We-Vibe products, it’s decent motors. From the bullet that redefined bullet vibes to that brilliant wand, they have not disappointed yet.

In that respect, the Nova 2 lived up to expectations. Both motors pack a punch in the power department. The internal arm is buzzier than the external, but that suits me just fine – I don’t really like vibrations inside (or only very gentle ones) but strong, rumbly clit stimulation is where it’s at.

Controls and app functionality

Unlike some app-controlled toys I’ve tried, the Nova’s app function seems more like a nice add-on than an absolute necessity. The controls on the toy itself are adequate. Using the 5 buttons you can turn the speed up or down, switch through patterns (BOTH WAYS, praise the sex toy gods,) and control which arm is in use. You can use either motor separately or both together.

The buttons of the We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

What you can’t do using the buttons on the toy is change the speed of the two motors independently while they’re both switched on. They either have to be running on the same speed, or one has to be off. If you want to have more precise control, you do need to use the app.

The We-Connect app is free from the Android and iOS app stores and takes about two minutes to set up. You sync the app to the Nova via Bluetooth. Once you’re connected, you can also give the control to a partner – from anywhere in the world – via the app. The responsiveness lags a little at times, especially if one of you has an unstable internet connection, but is otherwise functional.

When the toy is paired, you’ll see a split screen depicting two wave patterns, one representing each motor. You can change the intensity of one or both with a swipe of your finger. In the next tab, you can play with different combinations of patterns and settings to find one that works for you… or even create your own!

Final thoughts

The We-Vibe Nova 2 is a rare find: a dual-stimulation toy that I feel confident recommending because it is likely to suit a wider range of bodies! The strong motors and unique posable design make the Nova 2 a winner in my eyes.

The Nova 2 retails for £119.99 full price, but is currently on an introductory special of £89.00 at Lovehoney. You can also find it at Shevibe.

Thank you to Wow Tech for sending me the We-Vibe Nova 2 to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views, as always, are my own unbiased opinions.

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls

The first time I reviewed a set of pleasure balls (also known as kegel balls, ben-wa balls, or kegel exercisers,) I did a dive into the scientific literature concerning these are-they-a-sex-toy-or-are-they-a-wellness-product?

TL;DR: despite claims that kegel balls strengthen the pelvic floor, there’s little evidence that using them is any more effective than doing unaided kegel exercises alone. And there’s no hard evidence, beyond the anecdotal, to support the notion that using them improves sexual pleasure or makes it easier to orgasm over time.

Until I see some more robust data, I’m going to assume that kegel balls have limited to no physiological benefit beyond being fun to use. With that said, let’s take a look at the Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls.

Facts & figures

The Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls are two firm, connected balls coated in silicone. They have a long tail for easy removal, and each ball has a free-moving weight inside for added stimulation. The total weight is 73g. (If you’re looking for something a bit heavier, Lovehoney also offer the 90g “Main Squeeze” kegel balls, which I’m also a fan of.)

The purple Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls

The total insertable length is around 3 inches, and each ball is 1.4″ in diameter.

They’re also purple, which always gets points from me!

In use

I’ve always found Lovehoney to be a great source of decent, affordable basic products and these are no exception. The Excite Pleasure Balls are easy to insert and comfortable to wear, thanks to the smooth surface and soft silicone.

The purple Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls

The jiggle weights inside allow for subtle but noticeable stimulation, rolling around inside you as you move. Unlike some other kegel balls I’ve tried, these felt snug and secure once inside and I never feared they were going to fall out.

The silicone tail feels flimsy at first glance, but is actually extremely strong. So don’t worry about not being able to get the balls out again!

Pro tips for maximum pleasure

  • Always use plenty of water-based lube.
  • Try leaving your Excite Pleasure Balls in while you do clitoral or anal play.
  • Wearing them out and about during the day can be super sexy and fun. But don’t try it with no practice! Start out using your kegel balls for no more than 10-15 minutes. You can always build up to longer periods of wear.
  • Sterilise your kegel balls between every use using the boil method.
  • Someone on Lovehoney recommended pulling them out (or having a partner pull them out) at the point of orgasm. I haven’t tried this, but imagine it could be fun!

Final verdict

A solid and fun little toy for the price. Get yourself a set for £12.99 from Lovehoney.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear within this post.