[Toy Review] Bodywand Vario

People with clitorises have wildly different preferences when it comes to how we like to have them stimulated. For some people, only the lightest touch will do, while others prefer a lot of pressure. Intense, rumbly vibrations do it for some, while a light buzz works best for others. Then, of course, there’s the broad vs. pinpoint stimulation question.

For those who prefer very pinpoint sensations, toys like the Zumio are ideal. For those who enjoy all-over vulva stimulation, wands are the way to go. But what about if you’re looking for a little of both, or even just aren’t sure what you like yet? That’s where the Bodywand Vario comes in.

This is only the second Bodywand toy I’ve ever tried, so I was intrigued to get started and see how it shaped up. Let’s take a closer look.

Bodywand Vario: Details

The Bodywand Vario is a double-ended vibrator. At one end there’s a narrow flexible silicone tip with a ball shaped end for clitoral stimulation, and at the other there’s a curved insertable vibrating shaft.

Bodywand Vario dual stimulation vibrator

It is made of 100% body-safe silicone in white with rose gold coloured ABS plastic accents. For some reason, white silicone toys always make me think of medical devices. Which, you know, can be fun if that’s your kink!

The Vario’s insertable length is around 4″ and the diameter is 1.2″ at the widest point, so if you’re looking for a large insertable this isn’t the way to go. End to end, it measures just over 7″ in total.

The Bodywand Vario is USB rechargeable via the included cable. You’ll get 60-90 minutes of use from a full two hour charge depending on which settings you’re using. It is splashproof, so you can use it in the shower or wash it with soap and running water but should not submerge it in water (for example, in the bath.)

Bodywand Vario In Use

The Bodywand Vario offers 7 vibration settings (3 speeds and 4 patterns) in the insertable end and 10 settings (3 speeds and 7 patterns) in the clitoral stimulator.

The Vario’s two-button interface is fine, though the buttons are small and blended into the white silicone body. This makes them pretty hard to see, especially in low light. You can use both ends of the toy simultaneously, though I can’t imagine any reason you’d want to. As ever, I would prefer two-way controls so that you can scroll both ways through settings.

Bodywand Vario dual stimulation double ended vibrator with box

Holding this toy is a little awkward when you’re using the insertable end. You end up with your hand wrapped around the flexible tip, which isn’t the most intuitive or comfortable.

The Vario’s vibrations are pretty good! I wasn’t sure what to expect, but this thing’s level of power genuinely impressed me. The vibrations in the insertable end feel more rumbly to me than those in the clitoral end. I can’t work out if it’s actually a different motor or if the vibrations just feel different because they’re distributed across a broader area.

I tested out the intertable end briefly, and it’s fine though not really my thing as I don’t like the sensation of internal vibrations. Its shape is good, though, with a nice curve and just enough flex. The firm ridge on the underside will appeal to those who enjoy texturing on their toys.

The Bodywand Vario really comes into its own as a clitoral vibrator, though. I absolutely love the shape and size of the precision tip. It’s not as small or firm as the Zumio (the most obvious point of comparison for a toy like this,) so it doesn’t cross that narrow threshold from “so intense it’s amazing” to “so intense it’s painful.”

Pro tip: the matte silicone is smooth and soft, but given the small size of the tip you’re going to want plenty of lube for this one.

Verdict

I had a feeling I was going to like the Bodywand Vario, and it exceeded my expectations with its excellent design and powerful motors.

The Vario retails for £125.99. It’s a somewhat pricey product but – if you enjoy both clitoral and internal stimulation – you’re really getting two toys in one.

Thanks to my affiliate partners and former site sponsors Jessie’s Boutique for sending me this product to review. All views, as ever, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and using them sends me a small commission at no extra cost to you.

New Suction Toy Launch: Introducing the Suck-o-Saurus

Despite the date, I promise you that this is a real product that actually exists! Mine is sitting next to me on my desk as I’m typing out this review.

You might remember Velvet Brands from the review of their Velvet Thruster Sex Machine that I published about a year ago. Well, they are back and proud to announce their new toy which is hitting the market today. Meet the Little GOO dinosaur sex toy, also lovingly known as the Suck-o-Saurus.

It looks a little something like this:

Suck-o-saurus dinosaur sex toy clit sucker

What is the Suck-o-Saurus?

The Little GOO, AKA the Suck-o-Saurus, is a clitoral suction toy shaped like a little green dinosaur. It uses a patented reciprocating motion technology to deliver suction-like stimulation to the clitoris. The suction part is located in the base, not in the end of the dinosaur’s face as I assumed it would be!

It is rechargeable via the included magnetic cable, fully IPX7 waterproof and submersible, and made of body-safe silicone. There’s a simple one button interface to turn it on and off and change the setting. It offers six constant speeds (no patterns). The nozzle is also removable for easy cleaning.

The Suck-o-Saurus measures a petite 4″ in height and is small enough to hold comfortably. It’s got more weight to it than I was expecting, and is very firm. Despite the unusual shape, I didn’t have any problems with positioning or comfort while I was using it.

Suck-o-saurus dinosaur clitoral suction toy

The Suck-o-Saurus retails for an incredibly affordable $35. Compared to many suction toys on the market, which can go for $100 or more (occasionally a lot more,) this is frankly a steal. If you’re on a budget or looking for something to try out suction toys without committing to a more expensive purchase, it’s a great place to start. And if something goes wrong it’s under a 1-year no-questions-asked warranty, so you can purchase with confidence.

Okay But… Why?

We’ve had sex toys shaped like rabbits for decades. In recent years we’ve also had penguins, whales, mushrooms, lipsticks, emojis, birds, peaches, and more. So why not dinosaurs as well?

I often think that sex is too serious and should be more fun and playful, and this extends to the toys we use. There’s a time and a place, of course, for beautiful and sensual toys. But there’s also a time and a place for silly and fun toys. Laughter as part of a sexual relationship can help to diffuse tension or awkwardness, break the ice, and help everyone to feel more relaxed.

Suck-o-saurus dinosaur sex toy

On a more serious note, some users – particularly first timers and those newer to the world of sex toys – can find it quite intimidating to choose and use a toy. If choosing something playful – especially if it’s body-safe too – helps those people to feel safer and more comfortable in exploring, I’m all for it.

Over the last few years, thanks to a viral TikTok sensation and some hilariously worded reviews (I’m still laughing at “My legs shot out like one of those little goats that get paralyzed when they’re scared,”) everyone has been obsessed with rose sex toys. That trend, though understandable, has probably just about run its course with virtually every sex toy company I can think of coming out with their own iteration of “the rose.” Will dinosaur sex toys be the next big thing to replace them?

Is the Suck-o-Saurus Any Good?

I’m hoping to work with Velvet on a full review of this product later in the year, so I won’t go into too much depth here, but I know you’re all dying to know whether this whimsical little toy is actually any good.

Well, I’m pleased to tell you that it is! The nozzle is on the smaller side, so this is something to be aware of if you have a larger clitoris or prefer the nozzle to surround more of your clit when you use a suction toy. Its power is good and manages not to be too buzzy, even on the higher settings. The button is easy to press and, since there are only 6 settings, the single button interface doesn’t annoy me as much as they usually do!

When I see cute, quirky or silly sex toy designs, I often worry they are going to be nothing but gimmick. In this case, though, Velvet have released a legitimately good budget clit sucker… that just happens to look like a dinosaur.

Bonus: it also makes a hilarious desk mascot that makes me giggle every time I look at it.

Thanks to Velvet Brands for sponsoring this post. All views and writing are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder

Tentacle toys, and fantasy sex toys in general, are a massive and hugely popular category. Readers are always asking me for recommendations and, until recently, I’ve been pretty stuck for what to suggest. I don’t share this particular kink, so I’ve never really sought out tentacle toys, alien toys, and so on for their own sake.

However, I’m now thrilled to have discovered the lovely folks at Uncover Creations and their fabulous all-silicone, body-safe, UK-made products. They were kind enough to send me three of their clit grinder toys to try. Today we’re looking at the third: the Tentacle Grinder.

(I suppose I should have probably reviewed the original Tentacle Grinder before the Tentacle Grinder II, but I loved the latter so much that I couldn’t wait to tell you all about it!)

Uncover Creations’ Tentacle Grinder

Tentacle Toys from Uncover Creations purple tentacle clit grinder

The Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder was one of the company’s first forays into tentacle toys and it seems to be standing the test of time for good reason! This clitoral grinder is a swirly mass of coiled tentacles, each lined with dozens of little suckers. I’m hugely impressed with the intricacy and detail of this toy. If you’re into tentacles for their own sake, you’ll love the fluid, almost moving sense you get from this toy’s aesthetic.

My Tentacle Grinder is a lovely lilac colour – looking at the colour guide, I think it’s the one called “Denim.” You can choose from a range of colourways including single colour, fade, and marble effects, or you can save a little money on your order by letting the company choose and surprise you.

The Tentacle Grinder is made of body-safe matte silicone. If you prefer things extra smooth, you can get the “Silky Smooth” upgrade which uses a special additive made from Durian tree nuts. There are other customisation options, too – you can add a hole for a bullet vibrator, add a vibrator to your order, or choose from different colours for your straps.

Back view of the Uncover Creations tentacle toys grinder

The toy measures 7″ in length, 4.9″ across, and 1.77″ in depth at the tallest point. It comes with a set of straps measuring 70cm (2.5 ft), allowing you to attach it to a surface, toy mount, or body part if you want to. Though, since it weighs in at a chunky 440g, it will stay in place on any flat surface without the need for the straps.

Tentacle Grinder In Use

The Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder is texture for days. The curves of the various tendrils, plus all the little suckers, means I get so much stimulation that it’s almost overwhelming in the best possible way. Given all that texturing, though, you’ll really need lots of lube to get the best experience from this one.

Since it’s relatively large and wide, you can get incredible all-over vulva stimulation from this toy. The stimulation is also continuous and constant. No matter how you move against it, at least one of the tentacles and all its suckers will be in contact with your clit at all times.

As with the other Uncover Creations tentacle toys I’ve tried, the height of this grinder is one of its main and best selling points. Its relatively tall design makes it so easy to get into a comfortable position and grind against it, even while lying down.

The firmness is excellent, too. Though the company calls this blend of silicone “super soft”, there’s still plenty of firmness and substance to grind against. If you prefer your toys much firmer, you can always ask for a custom toy in the “medium” blend.

Tentacle grinder from Uncover Creations in purple

The only downside to this toy is that it’s a bit of a nightmare to clean. Bodily fluids and lube can get stuck between the various tentacles and in all the little folds. I recommend boil-sterilising it regularly to make sure you’ve got it really clean as well as washing it thoroughly between uses.

Tentacle Toys + Vibrations

My Uncover Creations grinders came with the premium bullet option, which is the Nu Sensuelle Bullet Point. This surprisingly excellent and powerful bullet (which costs just £35 to add to your order) is waterproof, rechargeable, and offers 10 constant speeds and 10 vibration patterns.

You can also use your own favourite bullet vibrator with your grinder if you prefer, of course. Whatever you use, though, lube it up before you insert it into your grinder. Trust me, you don’t want to be trying to get it out afterwards without lube.

Nu Sensuelle bullet point bullet vibrator

Like the Tentacle Grinder II, the original Tentacle Grinder doesn’t really need the bullet. It’s just so excellent on its own. Even so, sometimes it’s nice to mix things up and if you want a little extra stimulation or something a bit different, the bullet is a nice addition. The thickness of the silicone on this one does dampen the vibrations a bit, making them slightly buzzy. Still, combined with the texture of the grinder, they’re more than enough for me.

Verdict

I love the Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder. When I want intensity from a grind toy, this is the one I reach for. If you like a lot of texture, this is the toy for you.

The basic Tentacle Grinder with black straps in a random colour retails at £60. Optional extras such as custom toy or strap colours, the vibrating bullet hole, a vibrator, and the “silky smooth” finish add to the cost.

Thanks to Uncover Creations for sending me three of their tentacle toys to review. All views are, as ever, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Uncover Creations Synstyl Grinder

The grinder toy market has exploded in the last couple of years, with numerous manufacturers bringing out their own versions. These textured toys are designed primarily for people with a clitoris, though they can of course be used by anyone. The idea is that you grind against them and the friction plus the texture provides stimulation.

If you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, you’ll know that I’m pretty obsessed with grinders. Today I’m reviewing the second of the three grinder toys that Uncover Creations recently sent me: the Synstyl Grinder.

Uncover Creations is a small UK-based business founded by two friends and focusing on providing body-safe pleasure products, mostly in the fantasy toys genre.

Synstyl: A Grinder Toy with Serious Texture

Uncover Creations Synstyl clit grinder toy

The Synstyl Grinder, like all of Uncover Creations’ products, is made of 100% body-safe silicone. It comes with a set of straps measuring 70cm (2.5ft). You can use these to attach it to a surface, body part, toy mount, or whatever you care to grind against!

It measures 6.7″ in length, 5.1″ in width, and around 1.5″ in height at the tallest point. This relatively tall design is a major advantage – it makes it so much easier to grind against the toy from a comfortable position, such as lying down.

This toy’s design is inspired by a flower, though to me it really looks like a vulva! It’s perhaps the most intricately textured toy I’ve ever tried. The Synstyl Grinder is undoubtedly beautiful. Even the base is decorated with similar texturing, which isn’t necessary from a sensation perspective but makes the toy even more gorgeous.

You can order all Uncover Creations grinders in a vast array of colours and combinations. I think mine is “Kingfisher”, based on the colour guide, which is a lovely vibrant shade of blue. You can choose your own colour or ask the company to surprise you, and you can choose between a solid colour, a marbling effect, or a fade of two colours.

The customisation options don’t stop there, either! You can choose to include a hole in the back of your grinder for a vibrating bullet, and even purchase a basic or premium bullet vibe with it if you like. You can change the colour of your toy’s straps from basic black to one of four other options. And if you prefer things extra-smooth, there’s a “Silky Smooth” additive derived from Durian tree nuts that can be added to your toy. In other words, you can craft your ideal custom grinder.

The Synstyl Grinder In Use

When I first looked at my three Uncover Creations grinders, I thought the Synstyl would likely feel the most intense due to all the little flaps, curves and ridges. Imagine my surprise, then, when it actually turned out to be the least intense of the three!

Snystyl clit grinder toy from Uncover Creations

The Synstyl Grinder’s silicone is extremely soft and, for me, almost too yielding. I kept finding myself wanting more pressure from it. All those little petal-like folds were just a little too flexible. Uncover Creations do offer their grinder toys in medium firmness as well as the standard “super soft”, and I feel like that might have been a better option for me for this one.

Don’t get me wrong, the Synstyl Grinder still feels great in use. It’s just not quite enough for me from a pressure and intensity perspective. I’ve found that I tend to reach for it when I’m looking for a warmup toy, though it doesn’t usually make me orgasm by itself unless I’m having an extremely sensitive day.

After a couple of tests of the Synstyl Grinder by itself, I thought it was time to try it with the included bullet vibrator.

Synstyl Grinder + Bullet Vibrator

My grinders came with the premium bullet vibrator option, which happens to be the Nu Sensuelle Bullet Point. This excellent basic bullet vibrator is made of ABS plastic, which transmits vibrations well even through a thick silicone grinder toy like the Synstyl Grinder. It has 10 constant speeds and 10 patterns, a single button interface, and surprisingly rumbly and strong vibrations for its £35 price-point. I do wish it had a remote control, though. It’s pretty difficult to change the settings manually without completely dismounting when you’re riding the toy!

Back view of the Uncover Creations Synstyl Grinder

Of course, if you already have a favourite bullet vibrator you can use that with your grinder instead! Whatever you choose, though, use some lube to insert the vibrator into the grinder. Otherwise it will be difficult to get in and even more difficult to get out (ask me how I know.)

When I tried the Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II, I commented that it really didn’t need the bullet vibrator. The Synstyl Grinder, on the other hand, does – at least for me. I tend to prefer more intensity, and the grinder plus vibrator gives me what the grinder on its own lacks. On its higher settings, the vibrator makes the toy’s petals sort of quiver and flicker, which feels amazing.

Verdict

I like the Synstyl Grinder, even though it’s less intense than I expected it to be. This one really comes into its own when you add the vibrator, so I recommend doing so if you can. If you’re looking for a softer and slightly less intense grinder toy, the Synstyl Grinder might be perfect for you.

The basic Synstyl Grinder with black straps retails for £60. That price goes up as you add various customisation options.

Thanks to Uncover Creations for sending me samples of several of their grinders to try. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] FirmTech Tech Ring

When you’re a sex writer, you occasionally send texts to your friends what would be objectively weird in any other context. I recently sent one to my dear friend SilverDom (who has kindly helped me with reviews before) that amounted to “hey, do you want to test a dick Fitbit for me?” Obviously he said yes, because who could resist such an offer? So with SD’s help, I’m pleased to be bringing you a review of the FirmTech “Tech Ring.”

What is a Tech Ring?

FirmTech’s Tech Ring was developed by Elliot Justin, MD, FACEP, an Emergency Medicine specialist, telemedicine expert and sex toy enthusiast. The Tech Ring is a cock ring with a difference: this high-tech device features various sensors which gather information about the wearer’s penis health. It then connects with an app on your smartphone, allowing you to review and interpret this data.

FirmTech Tech Ring on its charging stand

FirmTech Tech Ring smart cock ring

So yes: it’s like a fitness tracker… but for your penis. I will never stop getting joy from calling it the “dick Fitbit.”

The Tech Ring has a penoscrotal design, meaning that it it wraps around both the testicles and shaft of the penis. It provides light pressure on the urethra (which some people say makes their orgasms more intense.) With an incredible 8-10 hour battery life and comfort-focused design, it’s suitable to wear for several hours or even overnight. And, of course, you can also wear it during sex.

I thought it would be easiest to show you how the Tech Ring is designed to be worn. To that end, I took a picture with the assistance of my Valm Triple Density Silicone Dildo:

FirmTech Tech Ring cock ring wrapped around a bright orange and pink silicone dildo

The Tech Ring comes packaged in an attractive circular box. It’s not unlike the sort of packaging you’d expect a fancy smartwatch or piece of tech to come in. Inside, you’ll find the Tech Ring, its USB charger, an extra sleeve, a travel pouch, and an instruction manual.

The Tech Ring is not waterproof (though it is splashproof) and it is compatible with all water-based lubes. You can take the sensor out of the sleeve to clean it, but it’s really fiddly to get it back in and there’s also the risk of ripping the material so I wouldn’t recommend doing this any more often than you really need to.

Why Would You Need So Much Information About Your Penis and Erections?

Please note that I am not a doctor or any kind of medical professional. I am sharing the facts as I understand them based on the available data, but please do not take anything in this review as any kind of medical advice. If you have concerns about any aspect of your health (sexual or otherwise) or are not sure whether a product like the Tech Ring is right for you, consult your doctor.

According to FirmTech: “number of nocturnal erections a man[1] has during REM sleep is predictive of vascular health.” They also state that “There is a very strong link between erectile dysfunction and heart disease. Several studies have shown that if a man[1] has ED, he has a greater risk of having heart disease.”

Did you know that? Because I didn’t.

You’ll also be able to learn how various factors, such as medications, alcohol, recreational drug use, and exercise play a role in your erectile health. This can help you to make more informed decisions about your health and lifestyle.

In other words, understanding your erectile and penile health is one way into a broader understanding of other aspects of your health. Pretty cool. This product is also endorsed by various medical doctors and urologists, so I feel pretty confident in saying that it’s not just a gimmick and the science stands up to scrutiny.

Of course, if sex is important to you – as it is to most of us! – the Tech Ring can also give you a bunch of interesting information about your sex life and sexual wellness.

[1] I don’t love the gendered language here. Apparently it’s been used so as not to turn off older men from the product. I have a general policy against gendered language which is why I’ve used “penis owner”/”person with a penis” throughout this review.

How Does It Function as a Cock Ring?

On their most basic level, cock rings do one thing: they help to keep blood inside the shaft of the penis, allowing the penis-owner to maintain a firmer erection for longer. They can also be very pleasurable to wear. Many different iterations, including vibrating cock-rings and even remote control ones, are now available.

But how does the Tech Ring stack up as a cock ring?

The exterior of the Tech Ring is made of medical-grade elastomer. It’s unclear whether this material is porous – the information I could find online was conflicting – but it is body-safe for external use.

When I first published this review, I said that I couldn’t see why the product wasn’t silicone. However, I’ve since spoken again to a member of the team and it turns out there’s a great reason for this!

Silicone is too tight and inelastic a material to be worn for hours. That’s why, when you see ordinary cock rings for sale, the advice is typically to wear them for no more than 30 minutes. Silicone can also choke off the arterial flow into the penis, meaning that silicone rings should be put on when already erect. Trials were conducted with silicone but elastomer was found to be both far safer and more comfortable for overnight wear.

FirmTech Tech Ring smart cock ring

The material feels flimsy and gathers lint and dust something awful, meaning that it starts to look dull and dirty again moments after washing it. It also has a slightly gummy texture that I don’t find particularly pleasant. Unfortunately, elastomer just isn’t as durable as some materials and there is already an area on the back of my Tech Ring where it’s starting to degrade and split.

The FirmTech tech ring’s material is very stretchy and gives a light but noticeable pressure when worn. If you have a girthier penis, though, the Tech Ring may be too small for you. The site says that it will comfortably fit anyone “except above 95% in girth.” SD reported finding it too tight to wear for a long period of time.

If you want your Tech Ring tighter for sexual pleasure purposes, though, you can just use the loop or a twist to tighten it. Never do this for overnight or long-term wear.

This product is not primarily designed for pleasure, and it shows. And that’s fine – I would never advocate spending close to $300 on a simple cock-ring! But if you’re primarily looking for something to increase pleasure during sex, this isn’t it.

How’s the App Functionality?

The FirmTech app is free to download for Apple or Android. First you’ll need to set up an account. When you do this, the app asks for data such as your height, weight, and date of birth as well as whether you have certain health conditions, drink alcohol, or use recreational drugs. You can choose to skip these questions if you’d prefer.

Warning: if you input your weight and height, a BMI chart will pop up and tell you whether you’re “underweight”, “healthy,” “overweight”, or “obese.” I hate this. Not only because it can be really triggering to people who suffer with body image struggles or disordered eating (hello!) but also because BMI is a massively flawed system.

You can then do something called the “Sexual Health Inventory for Men” which consists of a few short questions and helps you to assess your erectile fitness and identify whether you have any current or potential erectile dysfunction issues. Then, once you start using the Tech Ring, you’ll get access to information such as a “firmness score”, your average number of nocturnal erections, and your total number of erections per week.

Screenshot from the FirmTech app

(Screenshot shared without any actual data for privacy.)

Once you’ve set up your account, it’s time to connect the toy. This should only take seconds. Simply turn on the toy by pressing the power button once and then select “pair” in the app.

SD reported some issues with getting the app to connect to the device. He says: “Once charged, I was initially unable to get the device to pair with my phone. The blue light came on to indicate it was ready to pair, but no connection was ever estabished. In the end, I had to delete and reinstall the app and everything worked as it should”. When I tried it on my end, it worked the first time.

The app is fast and responsive, and becomes more and more useful the more you use it. I also found it fairly straightforward and intuitive to use once I’d taken a few minutes to learn what all the different functions did.

Using the FirmTech Tech Ring During Sex

One of the main selling points of the FirmTech Tech Ring is that you can wear it during sexual activity, including partnered sex and masturbation. Before you begin, simply set your ring to record a “session” and then masturbate or have sex as you normally would.

Screenshot from the FirmTech app

You can then use this data to make comparisons and use it to inform your health decisions. If you experience firm nocturnal erections but struggle to stay hard during sex, for example, that indicates that the problem is likely psychological. A declining number of nocturnal erections, decreased firmness or decreased duration can all indicate potential health problems. (They don’t necessarily, though – so it’s important not to panic and to ask your doctor if you have concerns.)

The Tech Ring is small and unobtrusive enough to not get in the way during sex. In fact, if you’re wearing it correctly and it fits you properly, you’ll likely barely even notice you’re wearing it.

Verdict

Retailing for $275, the Tech Ring is a pretty expensive piece of kit. If you’re just looking for a cock ring, skip it and get something much (much) cheaper.

I don’t really think the Tech Ring is a sex toy, to be honest. I’m just categorising it in that way for ease of publishing this review in the absence of a better option. It’s actually really more of a wellness device or a health tracker.

As a sex toy, I can’t wholeheartedly recommend it. But as a health tracker, I actually think it’s pretty damn cool! As with any technology like this, you’d have to use it very regularly to enjoy its full benefits. But if you’re suffering from any kind of ED issues, want to keep track of your erectile health, or are just curious, it can offer you a wealth of data.

I’d love to see the next iteration drop the gendered language on the website and marketing materials. Also: this is an admittedly small gripe, but the print on the provided instruction flyer is tiny. I have near perfect eyesight and I still had to squint to read it.

Thanks to FirmTech for sponsoring this review and to SilverDom for helping out with the testing! All views are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II

Readers are constantly asking me for recommendations for good fantasy sex toys. And I’m often stuck for what to recommend, because tentacles and aliens and monsters and things just aren’t really my kink. You know what is my kink, though? Quality and body-safe sex toys made and sold by small businesses. (Also grinders. I fucking love grinders.) Enter Uncover Creations, who recently sent me their Tentacle Grinder II (as well as two other products – reviews coming soon!) to test for you all.

Uncover Creations is a small business based in the UK and started by two friends who were sick of seeing the same boring, repetitive sex toy designs again and again. All their toys are made from high-quality, body-safe silicone and hand poured to order in a huge range of colours and styles. To say I was excited to try out their stuff would be an understatement!

Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II

Even though I don’t actually have a tentacle kink, I’ll say this for the Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II: it’s a beautiful looking toy. There’s a central raised and textured tentacle with two rows of “suckers” that tapers to a tongue-like point. The base of the toy is also decorated with swirly patterns and aquatic motifs.

Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II fantasy sex toy

It comes with a set of straps that you can use to attach the toy to a pillow, toy mount, partner’s leg, or any other suitable surface you can think of. The straps measure around 70cm or 2.5ft and are removeable for convenience when you’re not using them.

My Tentacle Grinder II is a gorgeous shade of turquoise. I think it’s “Strong Mint,” based on the colour guide. You can choose a solid colour, a fade of two colours, or a marbling effect. You can also allow the company to surprise you with one colour or a blend.

Optionally, you can choose for your Tentacle Grinder II to have a hole in the back where you can insert a bullet vibrator. There’s also an option to add a “Silky Smooth” upgrade, which is a finish made from durian tree nuts. I chose not to go for this because my vulva is pretty sensitive and I wasn’t sure this additive would agree with me.

Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II fantasy sex toy from the back

The Tentacle Grinder II measures 7.5″ in length and 5.5″ in width. The central tentacle is raised by 1.77″ at the highest point. It weighs in at a hefty 440g but, since this isn’t (typically) a toy you have to hold in your hand during use, its weight won’t be a problem for most people.

In Use

I knew I was going to love this toy the moment I looked at it. It’s got so many things I like: a raised section, soft and squishy silicone, and plenty of texturing.

Here’s what I didn’t expect: it is by far the closest a sex toy has ever come to mimicking cunnilingus for me. No, I didn’t see that coming either!

I thought that the highest point in the middle of the tentacle was going to be my favourite part of this toy. However, I soon realised that if I grind against it just right, the tongue-like tip of the tentacle flicks back and forth over my clit like… well, like a tongue. With plenty of lube, it’s a surprisingly good approximation of cunnilingus.

Uncover Creations Tentacle Grinder II from fantasy sex toys range

The orgasms I have from this toy are less like the orgasms I have from other grinders and more like the orgasms I have from a partner going down on me.

I always thought that, if a toy ever did actually get close to feeling like receiving oral sex, it would be a suction toy. Many claim to do this, though none have yet succeeded. I did not expect that it would be a grinder shaped like a tentacle. But there you have it – if I want something that kinda feels like a partner going down on me and I don’t have a willing partner available, this is what I’m reaching for.

The other great selling point of the Tentacle Grinder II is its height. With some lower grinders, I’ve found myself struggling to get into the right position or having to use a pillow or mount to bring the toy closer to my body. No such problems here. I can simply place it under me in a lying position and grind against it comfortably.

Tentacle Grinder II + Bullet Vibrator

Confession: the first couple of times I used this toy, I completely forgot to try it with the bullet vibrator. That’s because it is so damn good even without it. Still, I thought I’d better test it both with and without the vibrator to give you all the fullest possible review.

I opted for the premium bullet option, which is the Nu Sensuelle Bullet Point. This plastic bullet is waterproof, rechargeable, and has 10 constant speeds and 10 patterns. For its price-point (it costs just £35 to add one of these to your Uncover Creations order), this is a shockingly good bullet vibrator. It’s powerful and surprisingly rumbly! Of course, you can also use any bullet vibrator you already own, if you prefer.

Nu Sensuelle bullet point bullet vibrator

I wasn’t sure how well the Tentacle Grinder II would transmit the bullet’s vibrations given the thickness of its silicone. But it actually does so incredibly well and I can still get plenty of sensation from the bullet even through the thickest part of the grinder.

It is a shame the bullet isn’t a remote control one, because having to manually change the settings when you’re riding the toy can be quite annoying and fiddly. It also has one of those annoying one-button interfaces.

Overall, I’m glad I got the bullet with my Tentacle Grinder II as it provides some different stimulation options. But it’s also not strictly necessary because this toy performs so damn well on its own. Since I got it, I’ve used the vibrator less than half the times I’ve used the grinder.

Pro tip: make your life much easier by applying a bit of lube to the bullet before you insert it into the grinder. Trust me, it’ll go in and come out so much more quickly and easily if you do.

Verdict

At this point it doesn’t even matter that I’m not into tentacles for their own sake. Because I am so, so, so into this thing specifically! I do not say this lightly, because I have reviewed around 200 toys at this point and tried hundreds more: the Tentacle Grinder II is one of the best sex toys I have ever tried.

The basic Tentacle Grinder II begins at £60 and comes with a set of black straps. Optional customisations such as custom colours, different strap options, a vibrating bullet hole, an included vibrator, and the “silky smooth finish” come with additional costs.

Thanks to Uncover Creations for sending me the Tentacle Grinder II to review. Affiliate links appear in this post and all reviews are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator

Who doesn’t love a sex toy that’s as cute as it is functional? For many of us, the aesthetic of our toys matters and adds to our overall experience. This is particularly true when you’re giving a toy to a lover as a gift. The Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator from Lovehoney certainly fits the bill of “cute.” But how did it fare in use?

About the Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator

This is a petite, heart-shaped clitoral suction toy with the nozzle located in the bottom tip of the heart. If you’re not familiar with this type of toy, it surrounds your clit and stimulates it not with vibrations, but with rapid air pulses that create a “sucking” sensation. (Companies keep insisting on claiming that these toys feel like receiving cunnilingus. They do not. Let’s move on from this silliness, shall we?)

Lovehoney Heartbeat clitoral suction stimulator red clit sucker vibrator

Measuring just 3″ in height, the Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator is light and small enough to fit into the palm of your hand. It is made of soft and body-safe silicone in an attractive, bright crimson red.

The Heartbeat is rechargeable via the included USB cable, with a 60 minute charge giving you around the same in running time. It also has a travel lock function and is IPX7 waterproof – that is, fully submersible for up to 30 minutes.

Lovehoney Heartbeat clitoral suction stimulator red clit sucker vibrator

Settings and Controls

The Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator offers an impressive ten levels of power. The levels are well-spaced and distinctive. Due to the nature of this type of toy, there are no “patterns” to contend with (fuck patterns amirite?)

Lovehoney Heartbeat clitoral suction stimulator red clit sucker vibrator turned on its side to show the buttons

The toy has a two-button interface located on its side. One button powers it on and off, the other changes the setting. For a toy with as many as 10 settings, you really need two-way controls. Having to scroll all the way back through just to go back one level is a recipe for ruined orgasms and annoyance. Otherwise, the buttons are easy to press and the user interface is simple.

In Use

I understand the appeal of a heart-shaped sex toy, but the shape also creates problems. This is one of the least ergonomic clitoral suction toys I’ve ever tried and it is, frankly, a nightmare to hold for any length of time. Every time I’ve used it, I’ve ended up with serious hand cramp.

My other major complaint with this toy is that the nozzle is too small. I don’t have a particularly large clitoral glans, but this toy is still too small to surround it comfortably. If you have a larger or more prominent clit, forget it. Someone in the Lovehoney on-site reviews does note that they have a smaller-than-average clit and that this toy works really well for them as a result, so it might just be a matter of what types of anatomy it is best suited to.

The Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator’s power is decent, particularly on the higher levels. On the top setting, it can make me cum in less than 10 minutes (which is good because I can’t really hold it for much longer than that due to the aforementioned shape issues.) The suction sensation is perhaps a little more “buzzy” than many of the higher-end clitoral suckers I’ve tried. It’s also reasonably quiet, which is nice.

Verdict

Cute, for sure, but ultimately more gimmick than function. This toy has too many flaws for me to fully recommend it, most notably the awkward shape and too-small nozzle.

The Heartbeat Clitoral Suction Stimulator retails for £49.99 (UK) or $59.99 (US.) To be honest, it’s pretty overpriced for what it is. I recommend the Rose Clitoral Suction Stimulator or the Romp Switch (review) for budget-friendly alternatives, or the Womanizer Liberty (review) if you can spend a little more.

Don’t forget to use code coffkink10 at checkout for 10% off your entire Lovehoney order.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping with them sends a small commission my way at no extra cost to you. All views, as always, are mine.

4 Anal Sex Myths You Should Stop Believing

Anal sex is probably one of the most misunderstood sex acts of all. It carries an allure for a lot of people, whether they want to be on the giving end or the receiving end or both. However, it also scares a lot of people. This is, in part, due to incorrect assumptions and beliefs. Anal sex myths can scare people off who might otherwise be interested in trying this type of play. They can also lead people to engage in dangerous behaviours or take unnecessary risks due to a lack of knowledge.

Here at C&K, we’re all about fact-based and non-stigmatising information. So let’s bust some anal sex myths, shall we?

Anal sex always hurts

This is perhaps one of the most harmful anal sex myths, and actually likely leads to more avoidable pain and injuries. After all, if you think anal is supposed to hurt you’ll be more likely to push through pain, which can be dangerous. In fact, though anal can be intense and some mild discomfort can be normal, pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong.

With proper lubrication, warm-up, enthusiastic consent, and communication with your partner, anal sex does not need to be – and should not be – painful. If something hurts it’s time to adjust, add more lube, or stop for now.

And by the way: those “numbing” or “desensitizing” lubes designed for anal sex? Avoid them at all costs. The ingredients in them can be harmful, they increase your risk of injury, and (frankly) if you have to numb your body to engage in a particular sex act, then you probably shouldn’t be doing that thing at all.

Anal sex isn’t pleasurable for the bottom

This particular myth always strikes me as really sad, particularly when I see questions from people who are trying to grit their teeth and force themselves into anal sex they don’t want to please their partner.

Anal sex isn’t pleasurable for everyone and, if you don’t enjoy it, then you shouldn’t do it! However, if you do want to, it can be just as pleasurable for the bottom (the person being penetrated) as for the top (the person doing the penetrating.) Think about it: if anal sex wasn’t pleasurable for the receptive partner, why would anal sex toys such as butt plugs and prostate massagers be so popular?

One of the reasons that anal sex can feel so pleasurable for cis men and other people assigned male at birth is due to the prostate. Approximately the size and shape of a walnut, this gland is located just below the bladder and in front of the rectum. It is responsible for producing some of the fluid in semen and, when stimulated, it is incredibly sensitive.

However, anal sex isn’t all about the prostate, and can be just as pleasurable for receptive partners who do not have one. There are still tonnes of highly sensitive nerve endings in and around the butt, which can feel incredible. And, of course, it is located close to the genitals. According to a 2022 study on (cis) women’s experiences of anal pleasure: “[the anus] contains a dense network of sensory nerves that participate with the genitals in the engorgement, muscular tension and contractions of sexual arousal and orgasm.”

Yes, it’s even possible for some people to have an orgasm from anal sex without any direct stimulation of the genitals! Aren’t bodies awesome?

Anal sex is only for gay men (or: all gay men have anal sex)

Wrong on both counts! Many of the most common anal sex myths centre on sexual orientation, from who engages in it to what it means about your sexuality if you do.

Firstly, anal sex is for anyone who wants to have it. We all have a butt, after all! Liking or not liking anal sex doesn’t imply a single thing about your sexuality. Your sexual orientation is about who you’re attracted to, not which acts you want to do.

Also, not all men who have sex with men (MSM) have anal sex. One 2011 survey of almost 25,000 gay and bisexual men in the US found that only 35% of respondents had had anal sex during their last sexual encounter. Some queer men do it regularly, some do it occasionally, and some never do it at all. All of this is completely normal and awesome.

You can’t get pregnant, so anal sex is safe sex

It’s true, of course, that a person cannot become pregnant from anal sex. This doesn’t mean, though, that anal is a risk-free form of sex.

In fact, when it comes to the transmission of STIs, unprotected anal sex is actually riskier than most other kinds of sexual activity including unprotected vaginal sex. However, it’s easy to mitigate this risk with a few basic precautions.

The best way to protect yourself and your partner(s) is to use a condom every time you have anal sex. If you choose to go barrier-free for anal – which I only recommend in the context of an ongoing relationship with someone you trust – make sure that both you and your partner(s) are having regular sexual health screenings.

You might also want to ask your healthcare provider if pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP, is suitable for you. PrEP is a daily medication for people at risk of exposure to HIV, whether through sex or through drug use. According to the CDC, it reduces the risk of contracting HIV through sex by about 99% when used as directed.

Have questions about anal sex? Not sure if something you’ve heard is accurate? Let me know and I’ll try to answer them in a future post.

FYI: this post was sponsored. All writing and views are, as always, entirely my own.

[Toy Review] Womanizer Next

Can you believe it’s 10 years since Womanizer released their first Pleasure Air clitoral stimulator into the world? That product brought a whole new category of sex toys into popular consciousness and launched a thousand copycats. To celebrate 10 years, the company has released their latest offering: the Womanizer Next.

How does it stack up? Let’s take a look, shall we?

Womanizer Next Clitoral Suction Stimulator: What’s New?

The Womanizer Next is the latest in Womanizer’s long line of clitoral suction stimulators based on their patented “Pleasure Air” technology. If you’re not familiar with this type of toy, they feature a nozzle that goes over your clit and then stimulates it with rapid air pulses.

The Womanizer Next comes in sleek and sexy packaging that adds to the overall luxury vibe of the product. In the box you’ll find the toy, the charging cable, a storage bag, a spare nozzle, and an instruction leaflet.

Womanizer Next in its packaging

This toy is rechargeable with a full charge taking around 2 hours and giving you about the same in battery life. It’s also IPX7 waterproof (submersible in up to 1 metre of water).

At first glance, the Womanizer Next and Womanizer Premium bear a strong resemblance. They also retail for a similar price: £179.99/$199 for the Premium and £189.99/$219 for the Next. But what’s special about the Next and how is it similar and different from the Premium?

Womanizer Premium and Womanizer Next
The Womanizer Next (right) with the Womanizer Premium

Womanizer Next vs. Premium: Similarities

  • The two toys are the same basic shape, design, and interface, though the Next is slightly larger than the Premium.
  • Both feature a soft, silicone-coated body and body-safe silicone interchangeable nozzles.
  • Both offer 14 intensity settings.
  • Both come with Smart Silence technology (which means the toy will only operate when it’s in close contact with the body) and an Autopilot mode which guides you through a pre-set sequence of stimulation levels.

Womanizer Next vs. Premium: Differences

This is where things get interesting! The Womanizer Next offers an array of new features alongside those old favourites from the Premium.

  • The latest technology enhancement, 3D Pleasure Air, allows you to control not only the speed/intensity of the suction but also the “depth.” With 14 intensity settings and 3 depth settings – controlled by a separate button – it’s highly customisable.
  • The “Afterglow” function allows you to immediately switch to the lowest setting after orgasm.
  • The new, redesigned motor provides slower pulses than previous Womanizer toys and a “linear, up-and-down movement”. Supposedly this provides a more realistic sensation that more closely mimics oral sex (which… we’ll pick apart later.)

Overall, if you’re choosing between the two products, I’d advise you to go for the Next. You’re only paying £10/$20 more, and you get several great new features for that small price difference.

The Next also comes in two new colourways, Sage and Dark Purple, as well as black.

Womanizer Next: Pros

I had high expectations for the Womanizer Next. I’ve tried many Womanizer products over the years and, despite some occasional missteps, there have been far more hits than misses.

Womanizer Next back view

So what were the best things about this one?

  • That depth function! It’s perfect for ramping things up just at the moment when you need a tiny bit more. Each of the three depth settings feels noticeably different on all the toy’s speeds.
  • The Afterglow feature is genuinely brilliant. Many people, including me, find that their clit gets over-sensitive immediately after orgasm. Being able to switch to the lowest setting and continue enjoying a level of stimulation that’s comfortable is a game-changer.
  • The two nozzles provided are slightly different sizes, making the toy suitable for more bodies. The slightly larger one works best for me.
  • I love the slower air pulses, which give a gentler level of stimulation to start with. Great for warm-up or just for high sensitivity days.
  • I can easily use it hands-free just by kinda holding it between my thighs. This is unusual, but suction toys often work best for me with my legs closed rather than spread. I suspect it’s because so much of the focus is on the head of the clit and this position kinda brings everything closer together.
  • The Smart Silence feature isn’t particularly useful to me – I share a house with a partner who knows all about my masturbation habits! – but may be highly useful to those who need to be more discreet.
  • The button placement is intuitive and the interface is simple to use despite the toy’s many features.
  • It works beautifully in water, creating a kind of “swirling” feeling that is absolutely divine.
  • Most importantly, this thing got me off hard and fast. I’ll say this for Womanizer: they’re reliable when it comes to inducing leg-shaking, sheet-soaking, neighbour-scaring orgasms.

Womanizer Next: Downsides

With all of those great things said, was there anything I didn’t like about the Womanizer Next?

  • I still can’t say I see the point of the Autopilot feature. I guess it’s a little more like receiving stimulation from a partner because the toy changes intensity without input from you? However, unlike a partner, the toy cannot respond to your reactions so the changes are essentially random. And if it shifts down at the wrong moment, that seems like a recipe for ruined orgasms and frustration. (Of course, that might be your kink. In which case have fun.)
  • The buttons are not as clicky or easy to press as on previous Womanizer models.
  • I’m annoyed by the “designed for multiple orgasms” marketing. Not everyone can have multiples! Not everyone WANTS to have multiples! Stop being prescriptive. This is less egregious than “orgasm guaranteed” but it’s still… not great.
  • It is not, despite the packaging and product listing’s claims, “noiseless.” Yes, it’s very quiet on the lower settings. However, on the higher settings (and particularly once the top depth settings get involved) I would say it’s average-to-loud.

No, It Still Doesn’t Feel Like Cunnilingus

I’m calling it: it is not possible, with the technology we currently have available, to design a sex toy that accurately and realistically replicates the feeling of receiving cunnilingus.

Yes, using a clit sucker is much closer to cunnilingus than other forms of stimulation (e.g. masturbation with fingers or vibrators.) It kinda sorta resembles the “sucking” motion that a partner might make on your clit. It’s the closest way for me to scratch that particular itch if I’m craving cunnilingus and do not have a willing partner available. However, it cannot replicate the warmth, wetness, or overall feel of a mouth.

I really wish companies would stop marketing toys in this way, because it just feeds unrealistic expectations. This is a great product, but it is not in any meaningful way an “oral sex simulator.” I am sure such a thing will exist one day, but it doesn’t yet.

Verdict

The Womanizer Next is, like many of its predecessors, seriously pricey. However, it does offer a lot of bang for your buck (so to speak) in terms of features, functionality, and effectiveness. It’s a great next generation of an already excellent product and a worthy celebration of Womanizer’s 10th anniversary!

The Womanizer Next is available from Lovehoney UK* and Lovehoney US*, and of course Womanizer themselves.

[*] Use code coffkink10 to get 10% off

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product, which features in their top sex toys for Valentine’s Day! Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are, as always, mine.

[Toy Review] ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

ROMP is a toy brand owned by WOW Tech, the parent company behind brands such as Womanizer, We-Vibe, Pjur, and Arcwave. ROMP toys have a fun, playful aesthetic and come in a range of bright, popping colours. I received the ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator (US link) which features in Lovehoney’s top picks for Valentine’s Day, to test.

ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

The ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator measures 4″ in total length and looks like, well, a tube of lipstick (or other makeup product such as mascara.) It wouldn’t look at all out of place in my makeup bag.

ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

The ROMP Lipstick is a clitoral suction stimulator that – like the thousands of other toys in this category now on the market – uses a nozzle opening and rapid pulses of air to provide “touchless” stimulation to the clit. The toy’s body is made of hard plastic, and its nozzle is made of body-safe silicone.

This toy is rechargeable. A full charge (2 hours) gives you around 60 minutes of use on the top setting. It’s also IPX7 waterproof, i.e. submersible in water up to 1 metre for up to 30 minutes.

Things I Like About the ROMP Lipstick

Before I start complaining about all the issues with the ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator, let’s talk about the things I did like!

ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

  • The look. In general, I’m “meh” about the concept of sex toys that are deliberately designed not to look like sex toys. But the aesthetic of this one is cute and fun enough that it gets away with it.
  • It’s small, light, and comfortable to hold.
  • The button placement is sensible (on the base of the toy) and the button itself is clicky and easy to press.
  • It has 7 evenly-graded power settings, which is reasonable for a toy at this price point.
  • It’s pretty quiet, especially when the nozzle is against the body.

That’s about it, I’m afraid.

Anything I Don’t Like?

Ugh. Where do I begin? I really wanted to love this product, because I was drawn to its bright colours and cute design. Unfortunately, I have far more negative than positive to say about the ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator. Namely…

  • The nozzle is too small! I don’t have a particularly large clit, but I couldn’t even get this thing to enclose it all. The nozzle opening is a tiny 1cm in diameter. If your clit is anything but quite small, I think you’ll struggle with this one.
  • The suction mechanism is – how do I put this nicely? – absolute crap. I didn’t get any of the lovely fluttering sensations that I get from good clit suction toys. Instead, it just felt like a particularly weak and buzzy vibrator.
  • The button isn’t always responsive. About 10-20% of the time, I have to press it twice to get the setting to change.
  • For a toy at this price-point, a one-button interface (meaning you have to scroll through all the settings to go backwards) really isn’t good enough.
  • It’s far too expensive. £49.99/$59.99 is a reasonable price for a mid-range toy, but feels like a rip-off for something as disappointing as this.
ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator

Worst of all is that I knew within two minutes that this thing was never going to get me off. Even with warm-up and some hot content to read, there was just absolutely no way. To be honest, even when I was turned on and my clit was sensitive and ready to go, this toy didn’t even feel particularly good. If “did not give me an orgasm” is a damning statement to make about a sex toy, “did not even feel good” is pretty unforgiveable.

A final and possibly petty gripe: the packaging tells me I can “cancel my next booty call”. This is an immediate ugh from me because I do not think we should be comparing toys to human partners or framing them as replacements, even in jest. It’s also just ridiculously inaccurate considering the speed with which I threw this thing across the room and reached for something effective to finish the job.

Verdict

The ROMP Lipstick Clitoral Suction Stimulator is, all things considered, tremendously disappointing. Its nozzle is too small, its suction functionality is lacklustre, and there is simply no universe in which it will ever make me cum.

Sadly, I’m chalking this one up as overpriced and underwhelming. Especially because you can get far better clitoral suction toys for the same price (or even less!) Skip it.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post. Using them sends a small commission my way at no extra cost to you!