[Guest Blog] I Wish I Could Masturbate Like a Man by Holly Hughes

Today’s guest post comes from Holly Hughes, a writer and intuitive healer based in North Carolina.

I wish I could masturbate like a cis man. I imagine it’s super freeing to be able to lean back and knock out an orgasm. If nothing else, it must be a huge stress reliever. 

I’ve never even considered sitting at my office desk and pleasuring myself. Is it even possible? I mean, the way I need things to be set up – curtains drawn, door closed, pets out of the room, and privacy – there’s no way I believe I could give myself pleasure while seated on a vegan leather office chair. 

I didn’t own a vibrator until I was thirty. Sad but true. There I was, naïve in all things vibrating, and determined to get over it. I asked a friend to come with me to a sex store, so I’d be less intimidated. My friend had firsthand knowledge of the world of pleasure I was about to enter, and I felt safe exploring the black-lit sex shop with him.

As we crossed the threshold, my eyes first went to the cage, the bondage and leather on display. This was all much more daring than my skimpiest Victoria’s Secret lingerie. It was sexual in a way I hadn’t experienced. Some of the devices and apparatus made me giggle, others were appealing, and I wondered how I missed out on so much fun. 

The store’s staff were informative and helpful. I’m sure I looked like a newbie as my eyes ran over everything on display. Fortunately, the staff were happy to ease my nervous curiosities. One employee led me into a room farther back, where various sizes and shapes of vibrators were displayed. She demonstrated how to turn them on and the features that made each one unique. Some were curved, others had ridges, moving internal parts like beads, or multiple controls. She placed each one in my hands, allowing me to feel how hard or soft the silicone was. 

At this point in my life, the only penis that never failed to give me an orgasm (or several) belonged to my ex. When we were together, I used to jokingly plead with him to make a mold, so if we ever broke up, I could still have it. It was just the right length and had the most spectacular curve that never failed to hit my g-spot. Years later, I still wish I got that mold.

Back to the sex shop. After inspecting numerous vibrators of all sizes and shapes, I settled on a lavender rabbit. It had multiple speeds, and the color made it less intimidating. It remained in its box under my bed for months until one night when, alone in my room and feeling frisky, I decided to try it out.

I opened the box, added batteries, shut my cat out of the bedroom, and closed the door. Then I got naked, got under my covers, and turned the vibrator on. I was shocked at how loud it was. I tried muffling it under a pile of blankets. The noise was a complete turn off, and I was sure my neighbors would hear it through my thin apartment walls. Needless to say, there was no orgasm. I packed the rabbit back up and shoved it into my bedside table drawer.

Months later, I tried again. This time I ignored the fear of being heard masturbating and simply enjoyed the experience.

Fast forward a decade or so, and I’ve explored and discovered the type of lover-in-a-drawer that does it for me. Now the biggest hindrance to my ability to enjoy time with it is being a busy entrepreneur, mother, wife, friend, and author. The idea of a little stress relief is always appealing, but I still need to be left alone to enjoy my own devices. I have no doubt my husband doesn’t have the same issue. He’s able to just lean back in his office chair and pleasure himself. 

My typical self-love routine (and I really hate that it’s a routine, but it’s true) starts with digging out my vibrators from the drawer under my bed. I keep them safely hidden beneath an ugly holiday sweater and my old thermal underwear, just in case my daughter ever goes snooping in my belongings. I check to make sure the toys don’t need new batteries. I have one now that needs to be plugged in.

After I make sure I have privacy and a working instrument, I lay back and enjoy a favorite fantasy or two, mostly having to do with Taylor Kitsch or Benjamin Walker. And bam! Stress relief and orgasm are had.

But most times, things don’t go quite that smoothly. Today, for instance, I really wanted to relax before going to get my mammogram. My husband wasn’t home, and I had thirty minutes before I had to leave. So, I broke out my favorite toys. One had no charge, so I had to make do with my backup. I got comfortable and was about to begin when I heard moaning coming from next to the bed. Then I heard the thumping of my dog running up and jumping onto the bed to snuggle next to me. 

“No,” I said. “Get out.”

He looked at me with his big brown puppy-dog eyes and refused to move. Now naked, I picked him up and put him on the other side of my closed bedroom door. 

Before I even made it back to enjoy any sensation of pleasure, I heard a meow, meow, meow. Our kitten was on the other side of the door. 

This was the first time I ever wished my vibrator was louder and could say things like, “Don’t pay attention to the cat. You’re so sexy. You feel so good.” But I couldn’t make my mind tune out the cat meowing or the dog scratching, so I yelled, “Shut up!” Nothing like pets to ruin the mood. 

It’s not as if I get this chance for alone time often. And honestly, when I do, I worry about my husband walking in. Not that he’d mind at all, it’s more about wanting to be left alone to enjoy myself without anyone watching or participating. Isn’t that what masturbating is all about? Self-pleasure? I know my man doesn’t have the same needs or issues, or even gives any more thought to masturbating than, yeah, now’s a good time. No need for soft lighting or routine.  I wish I could masturbate like him.

I imagine many cis men can rub one out in a minute or two, but my body doesn’t work like that. And there are times when I know that, no matter what I do, my orgasm won’t come. That even though I know how to pleasure myself, my body won’t cooperate. This happened to me after the birth of my child, and was especially true after my hysterectomy. I felt like Samantha from Sex and the City, wondering if I’d used all my orgasms up.

Thankfully, of course, that wasn’t true. But it did take me longer than I care to admit to enjoy sex again after both of those life-altering events. My insides felt so different. I felt the changes acutely and I was afraid my husband wouldn’t like them and would find me less desirable. I’m thankful to my sex toys for helping me heal and find my pleasure again. 

But there are always days like today when I think it would be nice to sneak off and not have so many obstacles to masturbating. I imagine, like peeing standing up, there are advantages to masturbating while sitting up in an office chair with the lights on and the dog laying by your feet. As for me, I’ll be waiting for a quiet and private moment to pleasure myself with my always ready boyfriend-in-a-drawer.

Holly is a freelance writer and intuitive healer living in North Carolina. When she isn’t working you can find her getting ready for Halloween or dancing. Check out her website and follow her on Instagram!

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Nova 2

Dual-stimulation sex toys are very, very hard to get right. Given all the beautiful variety of bodies and vulvas, it’s not surprising that most dual-stim toys leave a lot of users feeling disappointed. Add to that the ever-present shitty motors, weak vibrations, and annoyingly placed controls, and you can see why I rarely expect much from these products. So keep this context in mind as I tell you about the We-Vibe Nova 2 and why it blew me away.

A Nova-l Invention

The We-Vibe Nova 2 is an updated, upgraded version of the classic and much-loved Nova. It is a rabbit style dual-stimulation vibrator featuring an adjustable internal arm, a flexible external arm for clitoral stimulation, and two separate motors:

The We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

The Nova 2 is made from body-safe matte silicone in a vibrant dark pink colour (make it in other colours please!) I always recommend using lube, especially with insertable toys. Silicone toys pair best with water-based lubes (I’m currently really liking Sliquid Oceanics.)

The Nova 2 is also fully waterproof, rechargeable (giving about 2 hours’ play for a 90 minute charge,) and comes with a white silky storage bag included. It is 8.5 inches in total length, of which 5 are insertable. The insertable arm is 1.35 inches in diameter at the widest point, making it a fairly slimline toy.

So how is the We-Vibe Nova 2 different from other rabbit vibrators?

The beauty of the We-Vibe Nova 2 is in its adjustability. The insertable arm is on a hinge, allowing you to bend it to the angle that best fits your body. This is brilliant because everyone’s vagina is different. The exact location of the G-spot, the intensity of pressure we prefer, and the depth of penetration that is pleasurable is different for everyone. Just reposition it once and it’ll stay put until you move it again.

The clitoral stimulator is flexible and curved in a way that can best be described as resembling a finger doing a “come hither” motion. The advertising copy boasts that this design ensures “constant contact with your clitoris”. I am pleased to report that it really did work that way for me!

The We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

I can’t overstate how much of a game-changer this design for the external arm is. One of the biggest problems people report with rabbit vibrators is being unable to thrust with them or adjust the angle of the insertable arm without losing clitoral contact. This innovative product has finally cracked that problem.

So about those motors?

If there’s one thing I have come to expect from We-Vibe products, it’s decent motors. From the bullet that redefined bullet vibes to that brilliant wand, they have not disappointed yet.

In that respect, the Nova 2 lived up to expectations. Both motors pack a punch in the power department. The internal arm is buzzier than the external, but that suits me just fine – I don’t really like vibrations inside (or only very gentle ones) but strong, rumbly clit stimulation is where it’s at.

Controls and app functionality

Unlike some app-controlled toys I’ve tried, the Nova’s app function seems more like a nice add-on than an absolute necessity. The controls on the toy itself are adequate. Using the 5 buttons you can turn the speed up or down, switch through patterns (BOTH WAYS, praise the sex toy gods,) and control which arm is in use. You can use either motor separately or both together.

The buttons of the We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

What you can’t do using the buttons on the toy is change the speed of the two motors independently while they’re both switched on. They either have to be running on the same speed, or one has to be off. If you want to have more precise control, you do need to use the app.

The We-Connect app is free from the Android and iOS app stores and takes about two minutes to set up. You sync the app to the Nova via Bluetooth. Once you’re connected, you can also give the control to a partner – from anywhere in the world – via the app. The responsiveness lags a little at times, especially if one of you has an unstable internet connection, but is otherwise functional.

When the toy is paired, you’ll see a split screen depicting two wave patterns, one representing each motor. You can change the intensity of one or both with a swipe of your finger. In the next tab, you can play with different combinations of patterns and settings to find one that works for you… or even create your own!

Final thoughts

The We-Vibe Nova 2 is a rare find: a dual-stimulation toy that I feel confident recommending because it is likely to suit a wider range of bodies! The strong motors and unique posable design make the Nova 2 a winner in my eyes.

The Nova 2 retails for £119.99 full price, but is currently on an introductory special of £89.00 at Lovehoney. You can also find it at Shevibe.

Thank you to Wow Tech for sending me the We-Vibe Nova 2 to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views, as always, are my own unbiased opinions.

Easter Sex Toys (and their Chocolate Pairings)

Just for a bit of fun, I thought I’d bring you all an Easter Sunday round-up of appropriately seasonal sex toys and some recommended chocolate pairings to go with them.

Share your own in the comments!

The Come Hither Rabbit

The only Easter Bunny you’ll ever need, this is simply the best rabbit style vibrator I have ever used!

Pair it with… a timeless classic, such as Cadbury Dairy Milk.

Buy it.

Lovehoney Happy Rabbit

Does anything say Easter more than happy rabbits? This whole range is super cute and well designed, but I’m all about the Thrusting Rabbit.

Pair it with… something fun and playful. A friend on Twitter suggests Galaxy Cookie Crumble.

Buy it.

Mantric Love-Egg

This one was recommended to me by one of my lovely vegan followers. It’s a waterproof and body-safe insertable egg vibrator which is rechargeable and comes in eco-friendly, recyclable packaging.

Pair it with… some tasty vegan chocolate! My friend recommends NoMo.

Buy it.

Tenga Eggs

Tenga Eggs are affordable, single-use (or few uses, if you’re careful) masturbators, great for penis owners looking to spice up their solo or partnered playtime.

Pair it with… what else? A Creme Egg! The ultimate Easter one-bite treat.

Buy it.

Lovehoney Desire App-Controlled Love-Egg

For those who enjoy a taste of luxury, this swish and swanky app-controlled egg vibe is a lovely Easter treat! It’s also suitable for long distance use, for those of you who are not able to spend Easter with your partner(s.)

Pair it with… some really fancy, high-end chocolate. Personally I’m obsessed with Booja Booja.

Buy it.

What are you consuming – and playing with – this Easter, babes?

[Toy Review] Womanizer Duo

Did you know that some of my sex blogging work is funded through my wonderful patrons on Patreon? Joining me there now to get some cool perks. Now on to the review…

I am very, very picky when it comes to dual stimulation toys. (That is, toys that stimulate the clitoris and G-spot at the same time – rabbit vibes are the most classic example). Most of them simply don’t work that well for me. But just occasionally, one will come along that blows my expectations out of the water. Enter Womanizer Duo.

Double the Fun?

The Womanizer Duo in its box

Womanizer are a high-end sex toy brand with high-end prices to match. The absolute cheapest model, the Womanizer Starlet, will set you back £59.99. This model, their most expensive yet, retails for £179.99 (or $219 for my American friends!) Due to cost, I never bought a Womanizer product – I wasn’t willing to drop that kind of money on a toy that I wasn’t sure would work for me. But then Womanizer kindly sent me their new Premium model to review, and I was a total convert. So I jumped at the chance to try the Duo.

The Womanizer Duo is looks a bit like a classic rabbit vibrator, only instead of the rabbit “ears”, the smaller arm sports one of Womanizer’s patented Pleasure Air clitoral simulators.

The Womanizer Duo in its box

At 9 inches in length, this is a pretty hefty toy. However, the insertable length is a more manageable 5″ and the widest part is 1.4″ in diameter. The toy is fully waterproof, and rechargeable via USB. You get around 2 hours play for a 2 hour charge, so not a bad battery life. The Womanizer Duo comes in two colours, black or a lovely dark red they call “bordeaux” (fancy!) Both have a gold coloured accents at the base.

What’s in the box?

I’ll say this for Womanizer, they really go for it with the “luxury” feel to their toys. Even the packaging looks and feels expensive, stylishly designed with an image of billowing black fabric on the box. It kind of reminds me of the kind of packaging you get on high-end perfume!

Inside, you will find:

  • Your toy, of course
  • Two silicone heads for the clitoral stimulator, different sizes to suit different bodies
  • The magnetic charging cable
  • A useful satin storage bag, which is also super cute – it has a little mini flogger on the drawstring and a gold coloured Womanizer charm.
  • An instruction booklet in various languages
Accessories that come with the Womanizer Duo
The Womanizer Duo's storage pouch

Once you’ve taken this all out you’ll realise there’s a LOT of packaging to throw out, but at least it’s all recyclable!

Safety First

The Womanizer Duo is made of smooth silicone, which is super soft and luxurious to the touch as well as being phthalate-free, non-porous and body safe. Yay silicone! It is the greatest sex toy material, bar none, and this is the hill I will die on.

Clean your toy using gentle soap and warm water – as it’s waterproof, you can submerge it. You can also sterilise it more thoroughly with a sterile medical wipe or a 10% bleach solution.

If you’re sharing your toy, you can use a condom over the internal arm. I really, really like that Womanizer include changeable nozzles with their toys – not only does it make clean-up a breeze, it also means you can simply switch nozzles if different people are using the toy in a single session. You can also buy replacement nozzles if you happen to lose one or just think it’d be useful to have spares.

As ever, use a good quality water-based lube. Pro tip: as well as using lube on the internal arm, dab a bit on the nozzle of the clitoral stimulator.

Settings & Functions

A relevant piece of information about me when it comes to my experience with this toy: I do not like internal vibrations. At all. I find them uncomfortable, unpleasant and occasionally even painful. I am willing to concede that there may be an internal vibrator I like, but I haven’t found it yet. This is why I like dual-stim toys that have a thrusting mechanism or a “come hither” motion.

With that said, let’s have a look at the Womanizer Duo’s different settings.

The Womanizer Duo has six buttons in total. The on/off button is located at the base of the toy towards the back, just above the magnetic charging pins. The other five buttons are located on the front of the toy, below the clitoral stimulator. The top middle of these buttons changes the vibration pattern, then there are two pairs of buttons. The top set controls the vibrating internal arm, and the bottom set controls the clitoral stimulator, with “increase” and “decrease” options for each.

I won’t lie, the control mechanism takes a little getting used to, simply because there are six separate buttons and a lot going on. However, the buttons are easy to press and in an intuitive position: I hold the toy in my left hand and use my thumb to press the controls when I use it.

Remember what I said just now about not liking internal vibrations? Well, the saving grace of this product for me is the fact that the internal vibrator and the clitoral stimulator are controlled completely separately! This means the internal arm can fill me up and press against my G-spot (good!) while the clitoral stimulator works its magic, and I don’t have to deal with the unwanted vibrations!

The Womanizer Duo has 12 levels of intensity for each arm, and the internal vibrator has 10 different patterns as well. This means that hundreds of different combinations are possible and you can tailor your experience to exactly what you want.

This toy, like the Womanizer Premium, also has the very cool “smart silence” feature. This means that the toy will only switch on when it close contact with your body. In other words, if someone barges in on you, just lift the toy off your body and…. no sound! It also means there is zero chance of this toy accidentally switching itself on in your luggage.

How did I like it?

It took a bit of experimentation to get this toy to work for me. As I said, the controls are a little complex until you get the hang of it. But once I’d got that sorted and found a setting that worked for me… goddamn, I love this toy!

It is NOT a “get off very quickly then go to sleep” type of toy. This one is definitely a “slow and sensual build up” product. But sometimes that’s exactly what you want. Every single time I’ve used this toy, I’ve had a long, delicious build that has led to an incredible orgasm.

So do I recommend it?

Yes. But…

This toy is, let’s be honest, very expensive. Which is absolutely fine – I’m very pro luxury toys if you can afford the price tag. I wouldn’t suggest the Womanizer Duo as either your first dual stimulation toy or your first suction toy, for one simple reason: dual stim toys don’t work for everyone, and suction toys don’t work for everyone. So try cheaper versions of these types of products before you splash out nearly £200.

Try the Womanizer Starlet for a more affordable introduction to suction toys, and a Happy Rabbit to see if dual-stim toys are your jam.

But if you like suction, and you like dual stim, go for it – this lovely toy is the best of both worlds!

Thanks to Womanizer for providing me with this product to review. All views are, as always, my own. Shopping using my affiliate links helps me to keep doing this work by sending a small commission my way.

[Toy Review] Happy Rabbit Thrusting Realistic Rabbit Vibrator

This review is my first post of #Smutathon2018: #SmutForChoice Edition. Please donate to our page for Abortion Support Network, and don’t forget to leave your email address or Twitter handle so we can enter you into the raffle to win some awesome sex toys! Now on to the review…

A Thrusting Vibrator?

I have a complicated relationship with rabbit vibrators – I occasionally find one I love, often find one I hate, and am frequently quite indifferent to this whole category of toys. The main reason for my struggle with dual stimulation toys is that I just don’t like vibrations inside my vagina. My G-spot, as I have mentioned previously, either wants to be pounded, caressed or left alone – never vibrated. (Coming up later will be a guide to choosing a rabbit, so look out for that!) So when I saw that Lovehoney’s new line of Happy Rabbit vibrators includes a rabbit with a shaft that thrusts rather than vibrates, I simply had to try it out.

The Thrusting Happy Rabbit standing up on a wooden dresser.Bunny Bits ‘n’ Bobs

The Thrusting Happy Rabbit is one of seven toys in Lovehoney’s new Happy Rabbit range. It’s quite a large toy at 9 inches in total length, 4.75″ of which is insertable, and a diameter of 1.5″.

There are two control buttons, one to control the thrusting motion and one to control the clitoral vibrations in the ears. The one-button control for the vibrations is annoying, as you have to scroll all the way through in order to go back to a previous setting. Toy designers: up and down buttons, please!  I do also wish it wasn’t quite so pink.

The Thrusting Rabbit is fully waterproof, and is USB rechargeable, giving a decent 120 minutes play time from a 150-minute charge.

A hopping good time

A gif of the Thrusting Happy Rabbit in action.I admit I looked at this toy and gulped – I normally need a good amount of warm-up to take something this size internally. Thankfully, apparently “haven’t had an orgasm in a few days” + “lube” = sufficient warm-up.

What surprised me even more was that it brought me to orgasm in under five minutes!

The thrusting motion feels amazing. There are three different speeds of thrusting motion to choose from. I preferred the slowest speed, but as ever your mileage may vary.

Can we just acknowledge that our Air BnB has INCREDIBLE lighting for photographing sex toys?

The “ears” are thick and firm, and have a massive fifteen different vibration settings. They’re not the most powerful vibrations you’ll ever find, but they were more than sufficient to get me off. The clitoral arm has some flexibility, so you can maneuver it to fit with your body.

The main downside in this toy, for me, is the sound. It’s not exactly loud – my partner couldn’t hear it from the next room with the door shut – but the thrusting motion sort of… squeaks? It wasn’t distracting enough to stop me enjoying all the good points of this product, but if you’re very sensitive to sounds (particularly higher pitched sounds) it’s something to be aware of.

Materials & Cleaning

The entire Happy Rabbit range are made from body-safe, non-porous, phthalate-free silicone. A far cry from the horrible jelly things that everyone went mad for after that episode of Sex & the City aired 20 years ago!

As the Thrusting Rabbit is completely waterproof, clean-up is a breeze. Just use some warm water and gentle soap for a thorough clean. For a quick clean between uses, a body-safe sterile wipe will work just fine.

A word of caution on cleaning: due to the creases in the thrusting mechanism, germs and bacteria can easily get trapped in there. Take extra care around these folds to make sure you get all bodily fluids and lube out.

The insertable part of this toy is condom-compatible. As ever, water-based lube is recommended.

So did the Thrusting Rabbit make me happy?

Yes! If, like me, you enjoy dual stimulation but don’t want internal vibrations, this toy is a great choice for you.

It is on the pricier side, retailing for £79.99 ($119.99 US.) However, it’s cheaper than Fun Factory, probably the most popular thrusting vibes on the market right now, and much cheaper than a fucking machine. So if you want a good quality thrusting toy, this is a really great option.

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me the Thrusting Happy Rabbit in exchange for an honest review. If you purchase through any of my affiliate links, I make a small commission – however, any affiliate income made this weekend (Saturday 11/Sunday 12 August) will be donated to Abortion Support Network!

A Very Brief Look at Sex Toys in Popular Culture

[Update: DivaInner, the company who sponsored this post on sex toys in popular culture, appears to have closed down. I’ve removed dead links but am leaving the post up for reference.]

Despite its problematic elements (and OH GODS there are a lot, TW for biphobia, transphobia and racism in that link,) Sex & the City was groundbreaking for its time. In 1998, when the episode “The Turtle and the Hare” aired featuring the women discovering the Rabbit sex toy, a frank discussion of vibrators on a prime-time, hugely popular TV show was a big deal.

A few years later came The L Word – queer women’s answer to Sex & the City, which I devoured when I was in my late teens, low-key ridiculous though it undoubtedly is. Alice asks her girlfriend Dana to penetrate her with a strap-on. Sex toys then feature as a recurring theme throughout their relationship.

But let’s face it, the portrayal of sex toys in popular culture hasn’t been hugely positive.

In the fairly recent past, sex toys in movies and TV were treated as the butt of a joke. 2001’s Not Another Teen Movie, for example, famously opens with Janey getting caught masturbating by her entire family (and for some reason a few random children and a priest.) The idea of a woman masturbating – especially a geeky, not-classically-beautiful young woman – is supposed to be hilarious in itself. The “Rabbit” episode of SATC depicts Miranda’s friends shaming her for using a vibrator instead of having sex with a man. (“You can’t take it home to meet your parents!”) Later they stage an intervention to stop Charlotte using hers, treating her like an addict.

In The L Word, Dana’s shame around using toys is an ongoing theme in the depiction of her relationship with Alice – including a cringe-inducing scene where they go through airport security. (“Yup. Nipple clamps.”) Later, a jilted Alice dumps out a box of toys in front of Dana and her new girlfriend, who recoil in disgust. It’s a dildo, guys! It’s not going to hurt you!

Thankfully, things are starting to improve.

The wonderful Sense8 features a beautiful scene of two women having sex using a strap-on dildo (and one of the women is trans!) Netflix’s Grace and Frankie feature the two main characters trying to design sex toys for women over 60 – and older women’s sexuality is not treated as gross or as a joke. And, of course, Broad City’s pegging scene became such an instant classic that there is now a line of sex toys themed around the show.

This is all a great start. I’d really like to see more positive portrayals of sex toy usage in popular culture going forward. Give us joyful depictions of female masturbation, divorced from shame or guilt or narratives about being addicted, a nymphomaniac, or unable to find a man. Give us sex scenes in which partners reach for toys and no-one thinks it’s weird, gross or offensive. I’d even like to see vibrators casually sitting on female characters’ night stands without it being a big deal.

Popular culture has begun to catch up, but still has a way to go in the sex positivity realm.

Luckily, sex toys themselves have (s0metimes) improved tremendously in the last twenty years. The infamous 1998 SATC “Rabbit” is made of some kind of translucent jelly material, which is certainly not body-safe. Jelly toys are softened with phthalates, plasticiser chemicals which are now banned in children’s toys in many countries as they are known carcinogens. They’re also horrible for the environment! Unfortunately, the adult product industry remains largely unregulated, allowing unscrupulous manufacturers to keep making cheap, dangerous sex toys. There have been documented cases of people getting chemical burns in their genital area from unsafe toys!

Fortunately, there are reputable adult brands out there dedicated to offering body-safe and eco-friendly toys. DivaInner is one of them, creating intimate products out of exclusively premium, body-safe materials such as non-porous, phthalate-free silicone! Despite the silly stereotypes, it’s impossible to get addicted to a sex toy – so you can let go of your inhibitions and have as much fun as you want.

This post was sponsored by DivaInner. As always, all opinions, as ever, are my own. Header image is a screenshot from Sex & The City and used for illustrative purposes only.

Want to see YOUR company, brand or product on these pages? Get in touch!

[Toy Review] Hop Lola Bunny Rabbit Vibrator

My relationship with dual stimulation toys – those that stimulate both the clitoris and inside the vagina at the same time – is complicated. By which I mean I usually don’t like them, but just occasionally find one that really works for me. So when I’m trying a new one, I’m never particularly optimistic, but always have some hope that it will be one of the rare few that actually get me off.

Let’s Meet Lola…

A pink rabbit vibrator lying on a red and black laptop keyboard.The Hop Lola Bunny is a silicone rabbit vibrator manufactured by Blush Novelties and stocked by my friends at Peepshow Toys, who sent me this item to review. It has a curved shaft of about 7 inches long in total, with 4.25″ of insertable length. The widest part of the shaft is only about 1.25″ in diameter, making it a relatively slimline toy. The “ears” are two prongs each about 2″ long. There are three points of vibration: one in the shaft and one in each of the ears.

A pink rabbit vibrator on a white sheet.The Lola is waterproof (ideal for shower play as well as ease of cleaning!) and charges via USB with a magnetic charging point. I got about an hour of continuous play out of a two-hour charge.

This toy comes in two colour ways: pink and pinker (the official names are “ballet slipper” and “hot pink”). Those of you who have been reading for a while will know that I’m not super into pink toys. I just don’t really like the colour, for one thing. I also think it plays into stereotypes about femininity and “it’s for women so we have to make it PINK!” (Leaving aside that not everyone with a vulva is a woman). Of course, what makes this toy aesthetically unappealing to me will be right up someone else’s alley, and that’s totally cool! My friend and fellow blogger Candy Snatch, for example, really liked the look of the Lola.

 

The Lola retails for $52.99 (about £40) from Peepshow Toys.

Body-Safety & Cleaning

At some point I need to stop saying in my reviews “this toy is body-safe”. I just won’t test products that aren’t. However, today is not that day and I feel as though it’s still important to point out when a toy is made with due regard to body-safety, because so many are not.

The Lola is made of super smooth silicone, which is both non-toxic and non-porous. This means it’s easy to clean with gentle soap and warm water. You can also clean up easily between uses with a body-safe sterile wipe (I use the kind you can buy in bulk super cheap from medical suppliers – much cheaper than toy wipes, though you can use these if you prefer).

As ever, water-based lube is recommended.

In Use…

A pink rabbit vibrator lying on a dark wood surface.Unfortunately, this toy did not work for me. The shaft and ears are both very flexible. Though I like insertables to have some flex, the ears were so floppy as to make it impossible to gain any kind of pressure against my clit. They might work for you if you like VERY light contact, but as soon as I tried to press the toy into my vulva at all, it just pushed them away.

The strength of the vibrations is the other thing that really let this one down. They felt okay in my hand when I initially switched it on, though nothing to get excited about. But in use I found them extremely weak. Admittedly I am a power queen, but even so!

If you like weaker vibrations or prefer things on the buzzier end, this might be a good choice for you. But if you’re after serious power or rumbly vibes, you’ll want to look elsewhere.

I did find the controls intuitive and easy to use. They are well placed on the front base of the toy, and operate on a simple two-button interface. I also like that you can switch up and down between the patterns, as opposed to some toys where you can only scroll one way.

But overall, I was disappointed by this toy. The relatively lower price point isn’t an excuse, either – there are plenty of cheaper vibes with good, strong motors!

So do I recommend it?

Unfortunately, I don’t. As I said above, if you like lower intensity vibrations and very light clitoral contact, this toy may be a good fit for you, but otherwise I can’t recommend it. If you’re looking for a rabbit toy, consider getting something by The Rabbit Company instead.

Thanks to Peepshow Toys for sending me the Hop Lola Bunny in exchange for an impartial review. If you buy through any of my affiliate links in this post, I make a small commission which helps me keep doing this work. Don’t forget to use code COFFEE at checkout for 10% off your entire order.

Images are by me and not to be used without permission.

[Toy Review] Bodywand Rabbit Wand Attachment

This is the first in a series of upcoming short-‘n’-sweet reviews of wand attachments, as this is something I get asked about all the time.

IThe bodywand rabbit wand attachment made of blue silicone sitting on top of a diary and pen on my desk.t’s no secret to anyone that I love wands. I currently own seven, and am lusting after at least two more. They make me come quickly, reliably, and hard. If I’m worked up, a wand can get me off in 2-3 minutes. Even starting from cold, it rarely takes longer than ten.

But did you know you can get all kinds of attachments and add-ons for your wand? I will admit that I’ve always looked at wand attachments and gone “meh”. I like my wands as they are and saw no benefit to adding anything extra to them. Until last night, I’d never even tried one.

But, as I said, I get asked about wand attachments all the time so it seemed like past time for me to try some out and bring y’all some reviews. Thankfully, my friends at Lovehoney have got us covered, and have kindly sent me several of their best-selling wand attachments to review.

The first is the Rabbit Wand Attachment by Bodywand.

I have a complicated relationship with rabbit vibrators. By which I mean I usually hate them, but very very occasionally stumble across one that really works for my body. So I will tell you straight off the bat that I, personally, did not enjoy using this wand attachment.

However, let’s back up and take a closer look…

The bodywand rabbit blue silicone wand attachment on my desk.However, the shape and size of many wand heads is similar enough that most standard-sizes attachments will work with most standard shaped wands. I used the Bodywand Rabbit Attachment with my Doxy Original, and it fit absolutely fine. It’s also pictured on Lovehoney’s site being used with the Lovehoney Classic Wand and it fits fine there too. The circumference of the part that goes over the wand head is 7 inches and the silicone is a tiny bit stretchy.

The insertable length of the Rabbit’s internal arm is 3.5 inches, and the circumference is 4.5″ at widest point. The clitoral arm is 2.5″ in length and very flexible, meaning it will fit

The Bodywand Rabbit wand attachment is made of body-safe blue silicone. As it has no motors, it is safe to boil-sterilise or pop in the dishwasher for thorough cleaning. Remember: this bit is waterproof, but your wand isn’t!

The Bodywand Rabbit attachment retails for £24.99 at Lovehoney. This may seem expensive for an attachment, but if you consider how much you’d pay for a rabbit that is anywhere near as powerful as a wand (hint: £50 absolute minimum) it’s quite a reasonable price.

My experience

The bodywand blue silicone rabbit wand attachment sitting on a red and black laptop keyboard.The clitoral arm on this attachment is very flexible, meaning that it will suit a range of different vulvas in terms of clitoris/vaginal opening placement. My problem with many rabbit toys is that, unless your anatomy is shaped and sized a very specific way, the two parts just don’t line up. I didn’t have that problem with this attachment.

I did, however, really struggle with the physical challenge of using this attachment. A wand is already heavy and bulky. Add an attachment, and it gets bulkier. An attachment like a rabbit, which typically requires very precise placement in order to pleasure the right spots, combined with the heft and bulkiness of a wand just makes the whole thing ridiculously difficult to put and keep in place. It kept slipping out of position and my arms were aching long before I achieved any kind of satisfaction.

Ultimately, my dislike of this attachment also came down to a matter of physical preference: my vagina simply does not like internal vibrations! My G-spot wants to be either pounded hard or caressed in a “come hither” motion. Not vibrated. Ever. (Are you surprised that one of the only rabbit toys I genuinely love is the Come Hither Rabbit?)

Recommended?

Yes, if… you like dual stimulation toys; you’re a fan of intense internal vibrations; you already know you enjoy rabbit toys but want the vibrations to be stronger.

No, if… you don’t like internal vibrations or prefer your clitoral and vaginal stimulation separate; you find it difficult to maneuver awkwardly shaped and bulky toys.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this and the other attachments I will be reviewing for you in the coming days. You can buy your own from them, or from SheVibe if you’re outside the EU. Images are by me and not to be used without permission.

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit

The first time I tried a rabbit toy, I simply didn’t get what the hype was all about. I found it cumbersome to use, lacking in the kind of clitoral power I needed, and it was ugly to look at. As it turns out, though, I don’t actually hate all rabbit toys. I just hate a lot of them.

(#NotAllRabbits)?

I am pleased to report that I was very pleasantly surprised by the Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit. Given my general ambivalence to vibrations on my G-spot and the fact that my cunt is way too picky and fickle for most dual-stim toys, this is an achievement in itself.

Let’s take a look…

The shape of the Satisfyer G-Spot Rabbit is very much like a typical rabbit style vibrator, only instead of vibrating “ears,” it’s got one of Satisfyer’s signature suction-nozzle pressure wave clitoral stimulators. It’s white silicone with a rose gold button and a tiny rose gold accent around the clitoral arm.

The clitoral arm is rigid, while the insertable arm is flexible and tapers to a gentle point. The whole toy is about 9 inches in length, with an insertable length of 5 inches and a diameter of about 1.6 inches at the widest point. It’s  USB rechargeable and fully waterproof.

How did I find it?

Short version: I enjoyed it.

Long version: I loved it, BUT…

…This is not a “quick wank before bed” toy. It took me nearly an hour to get off with it (I measure this from cold to orgasm). But the whole experience was so pleasurable that I didn’t mind too much. It was a genuinely enjoyable slow build, rather than the sadly too common experience of trying to eke an orgasm out of a toy that I’d really rather just throw across the room.

I don’t think I’ll be using it frequently, but it’ll be a toy I might reach for when I’ve got some time and want to treat myself to a long, slow session with a delicious orgasm at the end of it.

I will say that I came so hard I think I woke the neighbours.

My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)

Price: ★★★★
The Satisfyer G-spot Rabbit is currently retailing for £53.99 at Bondara. This is about in line with Satisfyer’s typical price point. Sadly, it will be too expensive for some budgets, but you’re really paying for quality (and a 10 year manufacturer’s warranty!) so I am happy to recommend it as good value for money if you’re in the position to splash out for a toy.

Materials: ★★★★★
The material is lovely matte silicone, which is beautifully soft to the touch as well as non-porous and body safe. The accents and on/off button are plastic.

Appearance: ★★★
It’s white, y’all! White! I have literally never owned an almost-entirely-white sex toy until now. I kind of like it just for being so unusual. The accents are rose gold, as I mentioned above. The whole aesthetic is quite stylish in a minimalistic sort of way.

For some reason, it being white and so plain kind of makes me think of a medical device, which… yeah, that hits some kinks for me, but it might not work well for everyone.

Ease of Use: ★★
It’s not the lightest toy out there, so that’s something to be aware of if you struggle with heavier toys. The shape is ergonomic and the handle sat neatly and comfortably in my hand.

The buttons take some getting used to. The bottom gold button controls the internal arm, cycling through the speeds and the various patterns of vibration. Unfortunately you can only scroll through one way, which is far too common as a thing in general and always pisses me off. The second white button, situated above the gold one, controls the clitoral stimulator, which has various speed settings. Thankfully, this one turns down as well as up.

The white button is easy to press. The gold one has to be pushed a bit more firmly. I found the buttons well-placed during use of the toy.

The biggest difficulty in use is getting the clitoral stimulator to stay in place without jabbing yourself in the cervix with the G-spot arm.

Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★★
The Satisfyer Pro Rabbit is silicone and is waterproof, which makes clean-up a breeze. You can wipe it with a sterile medical wipe, or submerge in water for a more thorough cleaning.

Unfortunately, though you can put a condom over the internal arm, it’s pretty much impossible to use a barrier with the clitoral stimulator. However, the nozzle tip is removable for easier cleaning, so you can sterilise it or even swap it out between partners for extra safety.

Versatility: ★★★
This toy has three possible constant speed settings on the and 7 different patterns of vibration. There’s also 11 speeds for the clitoral stimulator. What I really love about this toy is that you can control each of the two arms completely independently of each other.

I really like feeling full but don’t much care for vibrations on my G-spot, so it worked best for me when the insertable arm was inside me but switched off. Your mileage may vary, and the beauty of this toy is that you can mix and match the settings in whatever ways work for you. It’s also waterproof so you can take it in the bath or shower if that’s your thing.

Intensity:
★★★
The clitoral stimulator is about the level of intensity I expect from Satisfyer products, which is plenty. Any more intense and it would probably be painful! The strength of the vibrations on the G-spot arm are mediocre and quite buzzy. This wasn’t a problem for me (again, I don’t like vibrations inside so I just switched the damn thing off and used that arm like a dildo). But if you like strong internal vibrations, you might want to skip this one.

Overall Score: ★★★★
Overall a good toy which I very much enjoyed using. To get a higher score it would need stronger vibrations and better buttons. If you enjoy suction-based toys and enjoy dual stimulation, this might work for you.

Support me by buying your Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit from Bondara.

Satisfyer sent me this toy in exchange for an honest review. I use affiliate links within the post. If you buy through them, I make a small commission which helps me to keep doing this work. All opinions are, and will always be, my own.

Image is courtesy of Satisfyer and used with permission.

2017 “Top 5” Roundup

Apart from my 1 Year Anniversary post on New Years’ Eve (which is written and ready to go,) this will probably be my last post of 2017. In that vein, I wanted to end the year with a roundup post of sorts, some Top 5 lists from the year.

I hope you are all having a wonderful festive season and I can’t wait to keep the conversation about all things sex and kink going with you in 2018.

Top 5 New Sex Toys

#1Doxy Number 3, simply one of the most perfect things to ever have graced my bits.
#2We-Vibe Tango, the only bullet I will ever need.
#3Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation, the toy that made me like suction toys.
#4Come Hither Rabbit, the only rabbit vibrator I’ve ever enjoyed.
#5The Ruby Glow, a revelation in ride-on fun.

Top 5 Sex Blogging Inspirations

#1Kayla Lords
#2Girl on the Net
#3Molly Moore
#4Kate Sloan
#5Emmeline Peaches

Top 5 Awesome Events

#1Eroticon 2017, the one that started it all.
#2 – Autumn CM/nf, where I get to be naked and ogle pretty men in suits.
#3 – Lube & a Laptop, a fun summer social with other sexy writers and creators.
#4 – BiCon 2017, where I got to teach my workshop on “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex Toys” for the first time (while extremely hung over.)
#5 – Sex Blogger Christmas, a super fun (and boozy) event hosted by the wonderful EA and Livvy.

Top 5 Books About Sex

#1Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
#2How a Bad Girl Fell in Love by Girl on the Net
#3Approaching the Swingularity by Cooper S Beckett
#4Enjoy Sex (How, When and IF You Want To) by Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock
#5The Myth of Sex Addiction by Dr David Ley

Top 5 Podcasts

#1Loving BDSM, where Kayla and John bring their unique brand of humour, opinions and adorableness to speaking and educating on all aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. #CricketCrew4Lyf
#2The Dildorks, “dorky discourse on sex, dating and masturbating,” with the wonderful Kate Sloan and Bex Caputo.
#3The Guilty Feminist, which makes me cry with laughter and feel better about all the times my life choices don’t fully match my highest feminist ideals.
#4Polyamory Weekly, a very long-standing favourite about all aspects of unconventional love.
#5Life on the Swingset, the swinging and polyamory podcast.

Top 5 Blog Posts

#1The Tyranny of No Rules: In Defense of Polyamorous Heirarchy
#2I’m Looking for Baggage that Goes with Mine
#3“Pretty” is Not My Success – On Being a Swan
#4#SexNotStigma: Using My Sexuality to Manage my Mental Health
#5“Bring the Collar” – The True Story of a D/s Breakup

Top 5 Accomplishments

#1 – Winning the New Voices Award from Molly’s annual list of the best sex bloggers.
#2 – Placing as one of Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes.
#3 – Starting to earn Actual Money from writing about sex.
#4 – Organising Smutathon 2017 and raising £2,000 for Backlash and Rape Crisis.
#5 – Doing #KinkMonth/30 Days of Ds and writing a post every single day for the month of October.

Top 5 Goals for 2018

#1 – Start a PhD programme.
#2 – Cut down to 4 days a week on my day job and make up the additional income from writing.
#3 – Place in the Top 50 of the Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheroes list.
#4 – Have a piece of erotic fiction published, either in an anthology or as a stand-alone.
#5 – Finish my sexy novella set at a BDSM convention.

So there you have it, friends! What were your Top 5s of 2017?

Affiliate links are used within this post. All opinions my own.