It’s been a long time since I tried my first pussy pump. While I found the sensation itself just okay, the real benefit was in the extra sensitivity it left me with after use. So I was intrigued by the concept of combining pumping with direct clitoral stimulation. That’s why I requested the Lovehoney Lick Me Vibrating Pussy Pump and Tongue Vibrator to review.

Lovehoney Lick Me: Details

The Lovehoney Lick Me is a three-part toy: the main part features a pussy pump-style suction cup, with a flickering tongue inside it. The idea is that the cup sucks up a large part of the vulva, and the tongue stimulates the clit. The handle is also an insertable vibrator.

The Lick Me measures a hefty 10.2″ in total length. The insertable part of the handle/vibrator measures 5.5″ .

The main body, handle, and tongue are made of silicone. The pump cups are made of plastic with silicone rims. This toy is rechargeable, with a 2 hour charge giving around 80 minutes of runtime. It is splashproof but not fully waterproof, so don’t take this one in the bath or shower and don’t submerge it to clean.

The vibrating end offers 3 constant speeds and 5 patterns to choose from. There are also 8 patterns of tongue movement and 3 suction intensities.

What I Liked About The Lovehoney Lick Me

Before I dive into all the problems I have with this toy, let’s look at the things I did like.

• The suction is effective and not too intense. When I can ignore the noise for long enough (see below), I do genuinely enjoy the sensation it provides. The on/off suction provides pulsing, rhythmical stimulation. I can see myself using this part of the toy, if nothing else, as a warm-up or to increase sensation on low sensitivity days.
• When the vibrating end is switched on, it’s reasonably powerful and not overly buzzy.
• The Lovehoney Lick Me comes with two suction cups of different sizes, to suit different anatomy. Also useful if you want to use it on your breasts and nipples! The cups being removable makes the toy easier to clean, too.

What I Didn’t Like About This Product

Unfortunately, aside from those few positive points, things went sideways quickly when I started using this toy.

• The “tongue” piece is located too far inside the suction cup. Even with it on full suction, it just barely managed to reach my clit. Other reviewers have commented that it didn’t make contact with their clitoris at all.
• The sensation the tongue provides when it does make contact is pretty lackluster. Even on the highest setting, it felt frustratingly light and even the slightest pressure made the movements stop. When I tried the tongue without the suction cup in place, it had the same problem as so many so-called “tongue vibrators”: it’s just a bit of rigid silicone flicking back and forth, which feels more pokey than pleasurable
• The noise it makes is horrible. Specifically, when the suction is on it makes a distracting noise I can best describe as a whine or a screech. It was so grating I found I could only really use the toy with my earphones in to block it out. Very far from ideal.
• There are 4 buttons, but the controls still manage to be super annoying. There’s an on/off button, one to control the tongue, one to control the suction, and one to control the vibrating handle. There are no dual-directional controls for any of the features.
• The Lovehoney Lick Me’s buttons are small, difficult to see, and difficult to press. It’s almost impossible to know which button you’re pushing without pausing to look, which breaks the flow and often results in changing completely the wrong setting. They have little markings on them, but they’re both tiny and mostly nonsensical.
• Though the motor in the handle is decent, I also don’t really understand why it’s there. You can’t feel it through the top part of toy toy when using the suction and tongue, and it’s hardly an ergonomic toy to hold the other way around. I guess if you just wanted a toy that does as many different things as possible, it would make sense, but toys that try to do too many things often end up not doing any of them particularly well.
• The toy is long, bulky, and heavy.
• The battery life is poor.
• At this price-point, I would expect the toy to be fully waterproof.

Verdict

This one had as lot of promise, but some pretty significant flaws in execution. I still like the idea, but the reality just doesn’t really work at least in this form. It’s also far too expensive for what it is.

I think I’m starting to have a real issue with “tongue toys” in general. They seem to be based on the premise that just shaping something vaguely like a human tongue is enough to convince a user that a toy feels like receiving cunnilingus. Thing is, neither our brains nor our vulvas are that stupid. A little plastic or silicone thing flicking back and forth or poking me in the clit doesn’t feel like a partner’s tongue, and it is an insult to users’ intelligence to claim it does.

Can the flicking sensation feel good? Sure. But let’s call it something else and stop pretending toys are convincing replacements for acts that can (currently, at least) only be done with human partners.

The Lick Me retails for £99.99/$99.99 and is available from Lovehoney UK or Lovehoney US.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. All views and writing are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.