A Beginners’ Guide to BDSM Wearables: 7 Types You Should Know

When you think of BDSM gear, what comes to mind? You probably thought of ropes, cuffs and other restraints, impact toys such as floggers and paddles, or maybe specialist tools like electro-play toys, chastity devices, or pinwheels. But what about collars, BDSM hoods, gags, and other kinky wearables? BDSM wear is anything you put on your body that’s in some way related to a kink, fetish, or kinky relationship.

There are, of course, tonnes of amazing BDSM and kink activities you can do without any gear or costumes at all. But for some people, slipping on a particular item or piece of clothing (or putting it on a partner) can help them get into, and maintain, the desired headspace for kinky play.

Whether you wear them all the time, just during play, or as part of a kink party outfit, wearables can mark a transition between the vanilla and kink worlds, help to signify your role outwardly to others, or simply make you feel more fully yourself.

These are seven types of BDSM wearables you should know about.

Collars

Collars are perhaps the ultimate BDSM wearable. In the traditional sense, a collar is something you wear around your neck, generally to signify that you’re a submissive in some kind of BDSM dynamic. Materials such as leather, faux leather, suede, and even metal are common. Collars can be obvious or much more subtle, resembling an ordinary necklace. Some collars may not even be collars in the literal sense; I’ve seen people use things like rings, bracelets, or even tattoos as their collars.

Collars can mean all sorts of things. For some people, they’re akin to a wedding ring, signifying a lifelong commitment. To others, they can signify when they’re “in” or “out” of scene space. For example, I have a collar my nesting partner bought for me, and I wear it when I’m in a submissive role during play or at an event. Some people see collars as intensely meaningful, others as nothing more that tools or fashion statements. There’s no right or wrong here; what matters is what they mean to you and your partner(s) if applicable.

By the way: you can also self-collar whether you’re in a relationship or not. I have a collar I bought for myself and when I wear it, it reminds me that my body, mind, heart and choices belong to me and that I am in charge of my life.

BDSM Hoods and Other Sensory Deprivation Wear

Sensory deprivation refers to removing one or more of the senses during play. Some find this can heighten other senses. Others say it quiets the mind, helps them get more into their submissive headspace, or reinforces a sense of helplessness and vulnerability.

Everything from blindfolds and earplugs to full sensory deprivation BDSM hoods and mummification sacks come under the category of sensory deprivation wearables.

Play of this type can be surprisingly intense, so go slowly if you’re new to exploring it. It can also cut off usual avenues of communication, such as eye contact, facial expressions, or auditory clues. Make sure you establish alternative check-ins and safe signals before you start.

Harnesses

Harnesses are wearables made up of a series of straps. They’re commonly made from leather or a faux-leather material, but silicone harnesses are also becoming increasingly popular.

A harness can be decorative, functional, or a mixture of both. They can be full-body or cover just one area, such as the chest, legs, or hands. Some people wear them purely for the aesthetic value, while others enjoy the restrictive sensation some harnesses can offer. They can also act as a symbol of submission or dominance, or as a useful set of anchor points to assist in playing with restraint.

Gags and Muzzles

Gags and muzzles limit or restrict the speech and sounds of the wearer. Many people find this sexy in the context of power exchange. If you’re someone who tends to be loud when you’re playing, they can also be a good way to have fun without scaring the neighbours!

Gags and muzzles can range from simple ball or bit gags to more complex designs that hold the mouth open, all the way up to full-head lockable devices.

If you’re playing with gags, always ensure you adopt a safe signal in place of a safeword in case the submissive needs to stop. You should also take extra care to ensure breathing isn’t restricted.

Pet Play Gear

Pet players are people who enjoy taking on the persona or characteristics associated with an animal during play or as part of a kink relationship. Puppies, kittens, ponies, foxes, cows, and pigs are just some of the animal personas you might see in pet play spaces. Mythical creatures, such as unicorns and dragons, may also come out to play in these spaces.

Pet play BDSM wear includes anything that helps pet players get more into their role and headspace. Think a puppy-themed BDSM hood, a tail, a cat collar with a bell on it, pony ears, and so on.

It’s important to note that pet play is about roleplaying, archetypes, and power dynamics between consenting adult humans. It has nothing to do with actual animals or animal abuse.

Fetish Fabrics

Strictly speaking, almost any fabric can be a “fetish fabric” since the core definition of a fetish is simply deriving sexual arousal from something that is an ordinarily non-sexual object or body part. However, the fabrics and materials most commonly associated with fetishism are things like rubber, PVC, latex, and leather. These fabrics can be used for clothes, accessories, BDSM hoods or blindfolds, and more.

You might be aroused by some aspect of these fabrics themselves, like the feel of rubber or the smell of leather, or by some aspect of how it feels to wear them, such as the constricting nature of latex. Or both! Or neither! You might just like how they look and how you feel in them. I don’t have any particular fabric fetishes, but I still adore my catsuit.

Costumes

If immersive kinky roleplay is your thing, you might get more into your role with costumes. This can be anything from a simple accessory like a hat, through to elaborate get-ups worthy of your local am-dram troupe. Doctors and nurses, teachers, schoolgirls, French maids and Playboy-style bunnies are some of the options you’ll commonly find in sex shops, but the sky’s the limit when it comes to your imagination.

Thanks to Juliet Toys for sponsoring this post. Check out their kink collection of toys and BDSM wear which includes collars, impact toys, BDSM hoods, and much more. All writing and opinions are my own.

[Toy Review] BeYourLover Fatima

What’s the most annoying thing about duo vibrators like rabbits? If you’re anything like me, you probably answered something like “they treat clitoral stimulation as an afterthought” or “the internal and external arms hardly ever work well together.” But what if a toy existed where you could detach the internal and external stimulators, using them separately or together? Enter the BeYourLover Fatima, which was sent to me this week by Juliet Toys.

2-in-1 Duo Vibrator: What is the BeYourLover Fatima?

BeYourLover Fatima duo vibrator in two separate pieces

The BeYourLover Fatima is a two-part sex toy. The basic design is a rabbit vibrator with a difference: there’s an insertable portion that both thrusts and vibrates, and a clitoral suction stimulator. What sets the Fatima apart, though, is that you can separate these two pieces and use them independently.

I’ve literally never seen anything like this detachable duo vibrator design before. So, points for innovation!

The Fatima measures 7.5″ in total length, 4.4″ in insertable length, and a slimline 1.27″ in diameter at the widest point. It is rechargeable, taking two hours to charge and giving a runtime of around an hour. It’s also IPX7 waterproof, AKA submersible – ideal for use in the bath or shower. It has 10 vibration settings and 7 thrusting modes, including 3 and 2 constant speeds respectively.

The Fatima is made of body-safe silicone with ABS plastic accents.

What I Liked About the BeYourLover Fatima Duo Vibrator

Before I start griping about all the things I didn’t like about this product, let’s give credit where it’s due and talk about the things that do work well.

BeYourLover Fatima duo vibrator attached in one piece

  • The duo idea of a separate and detachable vibrator and clitoral stimulator is really cool and genuinely original. I’d use my rabbit vibrators a lot more often if I could take them apart and use each piece separately, so having someone actually create a toy that does this is fantastic.
  • The clitoral stimulator, on its own, is good! It has 5 intensity levels, which amp up gradually from low to mid-level, and feel smooth and consistent. It also has a comfortable nozzle (though it’s a little on the small size, so something to be aware of if you have a larger clit.)
  • The insertable arm is a good length and I appreciate the narrow girth. It also has rippling texturing and a gentle curve. Honestly, if I was just using this as a dildo, I’d give it a solid 4/5.
  • You can use the thrusting function and the vibrating function on the internal arm separately. (Once you figure out the damn controls, anyway – see below!)
  • I love the warming function on the clitoral stimulator, which heats up fast to a pleasant 40-ish degrees C. This can help to enhance both comfort and pleasure.
BeYourLover Fatima clitoral stimulator, one half of duo 2-in-1 vibrator

  • Because the clitoral stimulator by itself is so small and the duo design allows it to be detached from the internal vibrator, I can see it being a really good option for packing when bag space is tight. Like when I’m on a cheap Ryanair flight to see my long-distance girlfriend, for example.
  • The thrusting feels good. I particularly like that it’s concentrated in the top couple of inches of the shaft. The result of this is that it feels less like hard pounding and more like a lover’s fingers rapidly tapping on my G-spot.
  • The BeYourLover Fatima is surprisingly quiet even when the thrusting is turned on. It’s still audible, of course, but it’s not so loud and squeaky that it makes me want to throw the toy across the room in two minutes. Which, honestly, is an improvement on many products of this type.

What I Didn’t Like

Unfortunately, though the Fatima duo vibrator is a cool and innovative design, it all starts falling apart in practice. Here are some of the things that desperately need to be improved before I can recommend this product.

  • There’s no actual mechanism that holds the two pieces together. You just stuff the clitoral stimulator into the hole in the front of the internal arm. Unfortunately this means that it repeatedly pops out in use.
  • I hate the controls for the internal arm. There’s a single-button interface that controls both the vibrations (via a single press) and the thrusting (via a double press.) Considering it doesn’t come with any English instructions, this is not exactly the easiest or most intuitive thing to figure out.
  • Speaking of controls, the topmost button on the clitoral stimulator is apparently supposed to control the thrusting function when the two pieces are attached, but it just… doesn’t. As in it literally does not do anything.
  • Speaking of controls again: the lack of dual-directional controls alongside the fact that the thrusting and vibrations are controlled by the same button is maddening.

  • Because the BeYourLover Fatima’s internal arm has no flex and the clitoral stimulator pops out of its hole if you move it around too much, comfortable positioning with this toy is basically impossible. I cannot get the external stimulator on my clit without poking myself painfully in the vaginal walls, and as soon as I thrust the clitoral stimulator loses contact with my clit.
  • The internal vibrations are not only buzzy as hell, but so concentrated in the base of the toy that it’s difficult to feel them much through the head.
  • The battery life of 1 hour isn’t great and you have to charge each part separately, which is frankly ridiculous.

BeYourLover Fatima Duo Detachable Vibrator: Verdict

I really wanted to love this toy but I’m afraid, taken as a whole, I sort of hate it. It’s always disappointing when something with so much promise is such a let-down in reality. The clitoral stimulator by itself is fine, and will probably get some use as a travel-friendly option. The thrusting function is also good. But the poor execution of the “two-in-one” design and the enraging controls make this one a nope from me.

You can get this toy from Juliet Toys for $89.90, but honestly… don’t. It’s egregiously overpriced for the quality. Get a good dual stimulation toy or buy a basic dildo and a good suction toy separately instead.

Thanks to Juliet Toys for sponsoring this review! Affiliate links appear in this post and all views are, as always, mine.

[Toy Review] Twister Glow in the Dark Silicone Textured Dildo

A textured dildo is a “love-it-or-hate-it” thing for a lot of people. Some people find that texturing adds a lot of additional stimulation to the sensitive vaginal opening and internal walls. Others find too much texturing uncomfortable or even painful. This week I’m reviewing the “Twister“, a textured and semi-clear silicone dildo from Juliet Toys.

I’m somewhere in the middle of the love-or-hate spectrum on textured toys. Most of the time, when I want to use a dildo I’ll reach for a smooth, curved one like my Godemiche Ambit, Godemiche Morpheus, or Njoy Pure Wand. Intense texturing is often uncomfortable for me, particularly on more rigid toys. But a toy with some gentle texturing, particularly if it’s also made of soft silicone, can occasionally be a winner.

(I’m also aware it’s been a hot minute since I posted anything and that my socials have been pretty inactive, too. I’m in grad school hell and barely having time to do anything else beyond studying and the work that pays my bills. Normal service will resume later this year, but content will be a little more sporadic until then.)

What is the Twister?

The Twister, a translucent textured dildo with flecks of pink, blue and green in the silicone

The Twister is a textured silicone dildo available in three sizes. I received the Medium, which measures 6.9″ in total length (around 6″ insertable) and 1.7″ in diameter in the centre of the shaft. It’s wider towards the bottom of the shaft and tapers to a narrower head. The Small size measures a petite 5.3″ x 1.3″, and the Large measures 8.7″ x 2″, so there’s a good range of sizes to suit all preferences. It has a suction cup base.

“Twister” is kind of a misnomer, since it is actually more of a braided design.

The Twister, a translucent textured dildo with flecks of pink, blue and green in the silicone

This toy is a body-safe translucent/semi-clear silicone dildo, with flecks of pink, blue and green inside. In daylight, the effect is very subtle, but when the lights are low you get a fun “glow in the dark” effect that allows the colours to stand out.

Twister Textured Dildo: What I Liked

First, let’s look at the things I liked about the Twister textured dildo.

  • The level of texturing is a nice medium. It’s enough to be felt and to offer something different to my go-to smoother toys, but it isn’t so intense that I find it uncomfortable (most of the time.) The gentle ridges of the braided design feel especially good on insertion, as they stimulate all the sensitive nerve endings around the vaginal opening.
  • The size of the Twister in medium is just about perfect for my body! Oversized toys have their place, of course, but that place is rarely “in my vagina.”
  • The silicone is squishy, with a middling density – not too firm, but not too soft either.
Close up of the braided shaft of the Twister, a translucent textured dildo with flecks of pink, blue and green in the silicone

  • It’s very flexible, which helps with more comfortable positioning and insertion.
  • As it has a large, round base and is fairly light, this is an ideal dildo for strapping it on if the partner I’m topping wants a more textured dildo than my go-to standards.
  • That large base also makes the Twister anal-safe, if that’s your thing.
  • The suction cup is pretty strong and stays put well when you affix it to a surface.
  • The aesthetic is fun and unusual. A translucent or clear dildo often spells a toxic material, so it’s good to see more silicone options available with this look, and I like the little flecks of colour.

I have mixed feelings on the texturing around the base. On the plus side, it looks pretty. On the negative side, it’s kind of a nightmare to clean. Due to all its ridges, both on the shaft and the base, I’d recommend the boiling method to sterilise this toy.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

For some reason, the Twister dildo had a really strong, chemically “new car” smell when I took it out of the packaging. I flame-tested it and it does appear to be genuine silicone, so I have to assume it’s holding onto a scent from either the plastic packaging or the curing process. It genuinely gave me a headache when it was sitting on my desk. I gave it a very thorough wash before using, and that got rid of some of the smell but not all of it.

My Twister also has some visible imperfections, particularly around the base as well as what looks like a bubble in the silicone part way down the shaft. This doesn’t impact the toy’s performance, but it cheapens the overall effect and may shorten its lifespan.

Close up of an imperfection in the silicone of the Twister dildo

The silicone is very matte. This means that, coupled with the textured design of this dildo, you really need plenty of lubrication with this one.

Finally, I wish it had a bit more of a curve. This is a matter of personal preference rather than a direct criticism of the toy, but the shaft is straighter than I ideally prefer.

Twister Textured Dildo: Verdict

The Twister is a perfectly fine basic textured dildo. It retails $49.90 for the medium size at the time of writing. It does have some imperfections, and the quality of its construction reflects the low price, but I’ll still likely use it again.

Get the Twister here.

Thanks to Juliet Toys for sending me the Twister textured clear dildo and sponsoring this review. All views, as always, are mine.

[Toy Review] Juliet Toys Vortex Large Anal Beads

Regular readers of my work may have noticed a new site sponsor in the right hand sidebar. Juliet Toys is a large retailer selling hundreds of products across dozens of categories, from classic vibrators and dildos to fantasy toys, BDSM gear, anal toys, and much more. I’m thrilled to have them on board as a C&K sponsor. They also invited me to review for them, and I received their Vortex Large Anal Beads to try out.

What is the Juliet Toys Vortex?

Vortex large anal beads by Juliet Toys

The Vortex by Juliet Toys is a kind of combination between large anal beads and a long butt plug. It’s available in three sizes: small, medium, or large. I received the small, which measures 9.5″ in total length. Due to the nature of the toy, that’s basically all insertable length except for maybe a quarter inch of base. The three beads measure (in ascending order from smallest to largest) 1.4″, 1.6″, and 1.7″ in diameter.

Now, this is more than big enough for me. There is, frankly, no universe in which I would consider 9.5″ of insertable length to be “small.” My butt isn’t that brave, and super huge anal toys have never really been my thing. But they might be yours! If so, you might like the medium (which has a total length of 11.4″ and a widest bead diameter of 2.3″) or the large (total length of 13.2″, widest bead diameter of 2.7″.)

Yes, whichever way you look at it, this is a large toy.

Vortex large anal beads by Juliet Toys

The Vortex is made of 100% body-safe silicone. It begins in a narrow spiral shaft down from a tapered tip, then the lower portion is made up of the three “beads.” It ends in a flared base, which is an absolutely essential safety component for an anal toy. This base is also a suction cup.

This toy has no motor, so it’s easy to clean (the boiling method is what I recommend) and fine to use in the bath or shower, if you like.

What I Liked About the Vortex

Once I got over my initial reaction to the Vortex (“good lord it’s enormous!”), I found that there are a lot of things I like about it. Namely:

  • It’s a really pretty colour! Specifically, an attractive burnt orange-gold shade. This is an unusual colour for sex toys and also kind of shimmers. I’m here for it. I really believe aesthetics matter for sex toys, so going that extra step to make something pretty will always impress me.
  • The silicone is fairly soft and really squishy.
  • I think, for people who enjoy challenging anal toys, this is an excellent design. It starts off relatively gently with the small head and the slim spiral tip, allowing you to get used to having something inside you before attempting the larger size of the beads.
  • Due to the slowly increasing size as you move further down the toy, it’s ideal for people who want to play with anal training or anal stretching. Going slowly is really key here, not just to ensure you have a good time but also to keep things safe.
Vortex large anal beads by Juliet Toys

  • It’s entirely possible to use just a part of the toy, if you prefer. It lends itself well to exploring slowly, finding out what you like. Even if you end up deciding that super deep penetration or very girthy toys aren’t for you, the top portion of the toy is still entirely usable.
  • It’s very, very flexible. I can imagine this might be a downside for some users, but it will be a plus for many more including me. When it comes to larger toys, flexibility can help with insertion and comfort. It also allows for more flexibility in positioning. And, if you’re trying to target a particular spot (such as the prostate, if you have one), the flexibility can make that easier.
  • If you have a vagina, you can also use the Vortex as a vaginal toy. It’s great for G-spots for exactly the same reasons it’s great for prostates. And, if you prefer a slower warm-up or a slimmer toy for vaginal penetration, this is perfect for that. Remember: a toy that has been inside a butt should never go inside a vagina without first being sterilised. At an absolute minimum, put a condom over it.
  • The suction cup is seriously strong and stays in position well on any flat, firm surface.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

On a personal level, I think this toy is just too big for me to realistically use it as an anal toy with any kind of regularity. When I use butt toys at all, which really isn’t that often, I usually stick to smaller ones. But that’s purely a matter of my body’s preferences and I can’t find any significant criticisms of the Vortex as a product in general.

Juliet Toys Vortex Large Anal Beads: Verdict

The Vortex is an excellent toy for its target audience: people who enjoy (or want to experiment with) long anal toys, large anal beads, or other kinds of large anal insertables. And, if you try it and find that’s not for you, there are also numerous other ways to enjoy it.

The Vortex is well-designed, well-made, body-safe, and versatile. What more could you want from a toy?

Please remember that if you’re doing any kind of anal play, adequate lubrication is essential. Always use more than you think you need, and reapply it regularly. For a silicone toy, I recommend a good water-based lube.

The Vortex retails for $39.90 for the small size, $49.90 for the medium size, and $59.90 for the large size. All in all I’d say it’s very good value for the size and quality of product.

Thanks to Juliet Toys for sponsoring this review and sponsoring the site! Affiliate links appear in this post and I will make an additional small commission if you use them. All views, as always, are mine.