When people are getting ready to attend their first kink party, one of the most frequency asked questions is “what the hell do I wear!?” What to wear to a play party can feel like a minefield, but it’s not as complicated as it seems. In this post I’ll dispel some common myths as well as share some kink party outfit ideas to get you inspired. I’ve also included some links to some of my favourite pieces and stores.
Check the Dress Code
Some parties and events have their own dresscode. These can be anything from very broad and general to highly specific. Events with very specific dress codes are generally those geared around a particular kink which relates in some way to the dress code – for example, clothed Dom/naked sub events or those for latex fetishists. Some may even have fun fancy dress themes.
Many events will simply state “fetishwear”, “make an effort”, “smart black minimum”, or “no jeans or trainers.” Within the dress code or general guidelines, you’re free to be as creative as you like.
Check out the Fetlife page for your chosen event, if they have one. You may see pictures that past attendees have shared of their outfits, which can provide some inspiration, or example pictures for what constitutes suitable attire.
What is “Fetishwear?”
Fetishwear is a pretty broad term. In short, though, it refers to anything out-of-the-box, provocative, sexualised, or in some way over-the-top or extreme. Certain fabrics, such as leather, latex, rubber, and PVC, are commonly seen in fetishwear.
Highly structured items such as corsets as well as revealing clothing such as lingerie may also be considered fetishwear. Certain types of detailing, such as straps, studs, or spikes, can add a fetishy vibe to your kink party outfit.
Kinky or sexualised accessories such as collars and cuffs, body harnesses, stockings, and extreme footwear can fall into this category, too.
Do I Have to Spend a Lot of Money?
Nope!
There are some kink events that have a reputation for being picky to the point of snobbish about the dress code, putting expectations on attendees that are financially prohibitive to many. I recommend avoiding those events unless spending hundreds of £/$ on an outfit is part of the fun for you.
For most kink events, there is no expectation that you spend a lot of money. In fact, you can likely get something suitable on sale or even put together an outfit from pieces you already own if money is a concern for you.
Do I Have to Show a Lot of Skin?
No!
Well, not usually. Again, there are a small number of events where this is expected as part of the event theme (such as clothed Dom/naked sub events.) As a general rule, though, there is no expectation to get naked or to show off any more of your body than you feel comfortable with.
You probably will see people naked or wearing very skimpy outfits. But you’ll also see people in full length dresses or skirts, trousers or suits, or outfits that are sexy but not revealing (for example, catsuits.)
In short, at the vast majority of kink events you can show as much or as little skin as you like. Some events do have restrictions on genital nudity due to venue licensing, so always check if you are planning a very skimpy outfit.
The Classics: Lingerie, Corsetry, Kilts, LBDs and More
There are some types of outfit you’ll see again and again at kink events and play parties, and which are almost always appropriate. Lingerie (such as bra-and-panties sets, bodysuits, and chemises), corsets, kilts, suits, and little black dresses will usually be absolutely fine.
In some spaces, black jeans and a button-down shirt or the kind of dress you’d wear to go clubbing will also be acceptable.
Latex, Leather and Rubber, Oh My!
Certain fabrics have specifically kinky connotations: latex, leather, rubber, PVC, and so on. If any of these fabrics appeal to you, they can be a great starting point for an outfit.
You don’t need to shell out a lot of money unless you want to. A PVC/leather-look piece of the kind available at many sex shops is a great alternative to more expensive real leather. Lovehoney’s Easy-On Latex items are an affordable alternative to the price-tag of custom latex that I wear regularly. They’re also a great choice for those of us who are too clumsy to want to risk traditional latex (hi!)
You can also invest in a single piece, such as a leather corset or pair of trousers or a latex top, and then build your outfit around that from cheaper items or things you already own. Even an accessory made of one of these fabrics, such as latex suspenders, gauntlets or a pair of gloves, can give a nod to these fetishes without the cost of a full outfit.
Accessorise to Impress
I wear a lot of the same outfits again and again to different parties. What I like to do, though, is accessorise them differently. A few appropriate accessories can really elevate your outfit and allow you ro express your kinky self.
Think about:
- Jewellery. Statement chain or chainmail pieces, your submissive’s chastity cage key on a necklace, cute handcuff earrings?
- Tights or stockings.
- Gloves.
- Hats.
- Headwear such as animal ears, decorative headbands, or fascinators.
- Nipple pasties, if your chest will be on show.
- Hoods or masks, from bondage hoods to Venetian-style masquerade masks.
- Body harnesses.
My current kinky accessory obsession? These amazing hand harnesses. I’ve worn them with everything from dungarees to a corset, and I love them. I also like to finish off my party outfit with a perfume that matches my vibe for the night, whether it’s something sweet and flirty or sultry and sensual.
Let’s Talk Shoes
One common misconception is that women or femme-presenting people have to wear heels in kink spaces. This isn’t the case at all. I very rarely wear heels to kink parties because, well, they fucking hurt and I have chronic pain in my feet anyway without making it worse.
Of course, you can wear those sky-high heels if you like. But if you’d rather not, you can also opt for low heels or for flat shoes/boots. Just make sure they’re clean, polished, and go with your outfit. If in doubt, you’ll rarely go wrong with a nice pair of plain black shoes or boots in your preferred style.
Statement shoes can also be fun, if that’s your thing. My turquoise glitter flats get a lot of outings with various outfits! You’ll also likely see footwear brands such as New Rocks, Doc Martens, Koi, and their various equivalents in kink spaces.
Hair & Makeup
If you’re the kind of person who likes doing fun things with your hair and/or makeup, a kink party is a great chance to go wild. Why not experiment with a new temporary hair colour (or a wig), a fabulous eye makeup look, a bold lipstick, or even something more outlandish such as glitter or body-paint?
Nails can be a fun place to express your style, too. I often get my nails done before a big event and I usually opt for something ostentatious and over the top (typically with sparkles and lots of colour.) Of course, a striking black or classic red polish are also great options.
If makeup, nail polish and fancy hairstyles aren’t your thing, that’s cool too! Just make sure your hair is washed and your nails are clean, and you’ll be fine.
Wear Your Kink
Collars are perhaps the most common accessory you’ll see people wearing in kink spaces. If you have a collar you love (whether it’s associated with a specific relationship or not) then wearing it can help you to get into a kinky headspace. You can add a leash, too, if you like.
You can also do amazing things with rope. If you know how to tie a basic arms-out rope harness, it can be a beautiful addition to give an outfit a kinky twist. Rope gauntlets, rope corsets, and rope dresses are also popular. The possibilities are endless, especially if you invest in some beautiful colourful rope.
Other good options include chastity devices, pet play gear (such as ears, masks or tails), strap-on harnesses, decorative cuffs, nipple clamps, and gags.
Consider Practicality
That latex outfit might look amazing, but if it takes 30 minutes to get in and out of it, is it the best choice for an event where you’re going to want to get naked to play or get in the hot tub? You might love your favourite corset, but is it practical for moving around in as you flog or tie up your partner?
Don’t forget to think about what you might want to do at the party and factor these practicalities into your kink party outfit choice.
Consider the weather, too. If it’s 35°C out, you probably don’t want to wear a full latex catsuit. (Ask me how I know.)
Don’t Overthink It
This is a lot of information and a lot of things to think about as you plan your kink party outfit. A play party can be a great place to experiment with different modes of presentation and tap into your most authentic self.
The most important thing in deciding what to wear to a play party is that it makes you feel good. You won’t have a good time if you feel like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.
Here are my five golden rules for putting together an amazing kink party outfit:
- Check the dress code, follow it, and ask the organisers if in doubt
- Make an effort and get creative
- Wear something that makes YOU feel amazing, focusing on being authentic and true to yourself
- Don’t forget the details, from accessories and shoes to hair and makeup – they can lift your entire look!
- Think about the practicalities.
This is supposed to be fun, so enjoy yourself no matter what you decide to wear.
This post contains affiliate links. All views, as always, are mine.
