Tag: Mr C&K

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[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Atom Cock Ring

Published on by Amy

The purpose of a cock ring is simple: by constricting blood flow out of the penis, enabling a stronger and more consistent erection. Vibrating cock rings have built on this by adding stimulation for the wearer and, if worn during penetrative sex, for their partner. It’s a simple premise, but one that is so often executed really badly. Would the Hot Octopuss Atom, the so-called “next generation in cock rings,” break the mold? I received one to review, so let’s find out.

Hot Octopuss Atom cock ring
Image: Hot Octopuss

Hot Octopuss Atom

The Hot Octopuss Atom is a stretchy black silicone ring. There’s a large contact area with a raised nub at one end, designed to sit against the clitoris of the wearer’s partner during penetrative sex. The Atom is adorned with a simple silver-coloured plastic band featuring the speed buttons and the company’s crown logo. The company name is also stamped into the silicone. A drawstring storage bag is provided.

The Atom is USB rechargeable and waterproof. It has five vibration patterns as well as constant vibrations, each of which can be used on any of five speeds.

A word for those with girthier cocks: you’re gonna need lube, friends! This ring’s diameter is only about 1.5″. It is stretchy to accommodate most sizes, but getting it on can be a challenge if you’re not adequately lubricated.

Hot Octopuss Atom Review: What We Loved

Mr C&K and I tested out this toy together. Let’s start with the things we liked.

Most importantly, the Hot Octopuss Atom boasts by far the strongest vibrations I have ever felt from a cock-ring. They are powerful, rumbly, and satisfying on all levels. I love the additional clitoral contact and focused stimulation provided by the “nub.”

Ultimately, I’m unlikely to have an orgasm from a vibrating cock ring used in the traditional way. Unless my partner puts their penis inside me and then just sort of stays still, there isn’t the level of sustained clitoral contact required to get me there. So I have learned to manage my expectations. Even so, it adds an enjoyable extra later of stimulation for both of us.

It was also tight enough to actually have the desired effect of allowing my partner to maintain a stronger, harder and longer-lasting erection.

What We Didn’t Love

The biggest problem with this toy, from my perspective, is in the placement of the buttons. The two speed buttons are situated on either end of the plastic band across the top of the toy. This means that changing the settings during penetrative sex is difficult and will almost certainly interrupt your flow. We had to pause to look more closely at which button was which, and then to switch settings. This could be easily remedied with a remote control.

There is also quite a large seam where the plastic band connects to the main body of the toy. This area could easily be a germ trap, harbouring fluids and bacteria, so take the time to clean it properly.

Atom or Atom Plus?

Hot Octopuss actually released two cock-rings last year, the Atom and the Atom Plus. Though I have not reviewed the Plus, I will tell you what I know about it to help you make an informed decision. The main differences between the Atom and Atom Plus are:

  • The Atom features one motor primarily designed for clitoral stimulation, while the Atom Plus has two. The second motor offers stimulation of the perineum, the area between the testicles and anus, which is extremely pleasurable for many people.
  • The Atom is worn around the shaft of the penis, whereas the Plus fits around both the penis and testicles.
  • The Plus is, of course, physically bigger and more expensive (at the time of writing it retails for £69.95 to the Atom’s £49.95.)

Hot Octopuss Atom Review: Verdict

There are far too few quality, body-safe toys with good motors on the market for people with penises. Hot Octopuss are ahead of the curve in redressing that balance. If you’re looking for some additional clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex, or if you’ve tried vibrating cock rings in the past and found their motors too weak for you, give the Atom a try.

Mr C&K concluded that the Hot Octopuss Atom is “hands down the best cock-ring I have ever used!”

The Hot Octopuss Atom is available directly from the manufacturer as well as from retailers such as Shevibe, Good Vibes, Babeland, and The Pleasure Garden.

A banner ad for sex toy company Hot Octopuss, who sponsored a post on sex and mental health
Image: Hot Octopuss

Thank you to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Atom cock ring to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

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[Toy Review] Lovehoney Hummer Penis Masturbator Wand Attachment

Published on by Amy

There are things that are a given when it comes to being in a relationship with me. You must have coffee in the house. I will make puns at you. And now, it seems, I will probably at some point ask you to put strange things on your genitals so that I can overshare about it on the internet. #DoingItForTheReaders. Thankfully, my stunt cock Mr C&K is a good sport, so he agreed to try out the Hummer, a masturbator wand attachment marketed primarily to cis men, so I could bring this review to you all.

Lovehoney Hummer wand masturbator attachment
Image: Lovehoney

“Wand Attachment for Men”: A Note on Terminology

The Hummer wand attachment is described as a toy for men. However, I have chosen to use the gender-neutral language instead, referring to “people with penises” and this toy as a “masturbator“. Gender isn’t defined by genitals.

I would like to invite all sex writers and sex-positive retailers to consider their language in this area and not ascribe genders to body parts or toys unnecessarily.

Hummer Masturbator Wand Attachment

Cis men and other people with penises often assume wand vibrators aren’t for them. It’s true that wands and wand attachments are primarily designed with vulvas and clitorises in mind. However, first of all, wands are for everyone and can feel good on any body part that enjoys the sensation of vibration. Secondly, this is where attachments come in. The right attachments can adapt your wand vibrator for use in various different ways.

The Lovehoney Hummer has a cap that sits over the head of the wand and a tube to insert the penis. When the vibrator is turned on, it transmits the sensations all along the user’s shaft. The Hummer’s tube is lined with ridges and little nodules for addiional stimulation.

The Hummer will fit the majority of wand vibrators. We used it with my Lovehoney Classic Wand and it was perfect, but it will also fit the Magic Wand Original, Doxy Original or Die Cast, and most standard-sized wands. It has a diameter of 2.2″ and is very stretchy, meaning it will accommodate the vast majority of penises.

A Note on Materials and Care

The Hummer masturbator attachment is made of thermoplastic elastomer (TPE). TPE is technically non-toxic in that it doesn’t contain known harmful additives such as phthalates. However, TPE is porous. This means it will harbour mold and bacteria, can only be cleaned at a surface level, and cannot ever be fully sterilised. The material will also become unstable and break down over time.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of masturbators and wand attachments for people with penises are made of TPE or a similar material.

I’m less opposed to TPE for penis toys than I am for insertable toys. The outer skin of the penis is much less likely to pick up an infection than a mucous membrane such as the inside of the vagina or anus. However, I still recommend approaching TPE products with caution and always choosing silicone instead where options exist.

If you get a TPE wand attachment or masturbator like this one, you should clean it with gentle soap and warm water and allow it to dry thoroughly. Do not boil TPE. Check your toy for mold, black spots, or visible damage to the material before every use. With infrequent use, it might last a year. If you’re using it more often, though, I recommend replacing it every few months. Don’t share a TPE toy even if you and your partner normally engage in fluid exchange.

Hummer Masturbator Wand Attachment: In Use

In terms of experience in-use, the Hummer attachment was an absolute hit with Mr C&K.

He needed plenty of lube to slide the Hummer over his cock comfortably. The material is stretchy, but it’s also quite “grabby” so I recommend lubricating the toy generously regardless of your penis size. Water-based lube is your best for TPE toys.

When we switched on the wand, I was immediately impressed with the strength of my partner’s reaction. He described it as “like a wrap-around Doxy.” After reaching orgasm in record time, he declared the Hummer “surprisingly effective!”

For user experience alone, top marks from both of us.

Lovehoney Hummer: Verdict

My ultimate verdict on this one is mixed.

I’m loathe to wholeheartedly endorse a TPE toy due to the porous material. I’d love to see someone create a version of this made of silicone. With that said, neither of us can fault how enjoyable it was in use.

If you’re willing to replace it every few months, have at it. If you want something that’ll last you forever, this unfortunately isn’t it.

The Hummer masturbator wand attachment retails for $19.99 from Lovehoney US and £19.99 from Lovehoney UK.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Hummer and a collection of other wand attachments for review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are mine.

Learn how to find and work with a sex positive therapist

How to Find and Work With a Sex Positive Therapist

Published on by Amy4 Comments

When my nesting partner, Mr C&K, and I moved in together, we decided to get joint therapy to help ease the transition and navigate some past traumas that were impacting our relationship. However, as kinky, polyamorous folks in a mixed-orientation and age-gap relationship, it was important to us to find a sex positive therapist who wouldn’t pathologise us.

We got incredibly lucky. The first person we found was, and is, absolutely amazing. She listens to us, believes our experiences, doesn’t pathologise our identities or practices, and educates herself on the issues that impact us.

Most people, however, are not so lucky. It can take a long time to find a good sex positive therapist. Folks with marginalised identities such as queer folks, trans and non-binary folks, people of colour, and disabled or neurodivergent people may struggle to find good sex-positive therapy even more.

These are five strategies I found helpful. Maybe they’ll help you, too!

Use an Appropriate Directory to Find a Sex Positive Therapist

There are directories of kink-aware and sex-positive therapists and other professionals, where you can vet your prospective therapist for specific knowledge and competencies.

Try the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (multiple countries, somewhat US centric,) the Open List (US only) or Pink Therapy (mainly UK), or do a Google search for sex-positive therapists in your area.

Ensure Your Therapist is Sex Positive By Putting Everything on the Table Upfront

When I say “upfront,” I mean “ideally before the first appointment.” You’ll probably talk to a potential therapist on the phone or by email, and this is a great time to tell them anything you want them to know before setting up your first appointment.

This can be a difficult and vulnerable conversation to have with a stranger. But if you want to ensure that you’ll be getting informed, aware, sex-positive therapy, it’s so worth it. By the time you get into their office (or Zoom room), you’ll feel confident that they understand and respect you for who you are.

Be Matter-of-Fact

Your identites aren’t the problem, so don’t apologise for them. A sex positive therapist will take on board that you’re queer, non-monogamous, kinky, or however you identify and won’t pathologise you for these things.

If your therapist acts as though your sexuality or sexual identities are problematic, or tries to convince you they need to change, fire them immediately and find someone else.

Not sure how to put it? A great sentence is something like: “Just so you know, for context, I’m queer, polyamorous, and I practice BDSM. Do you know what those things are? What that means to me is…”

Expect Them to Educate Themselves

If you manage to find a sex-positive therapist with lived experience of an identity like yours, amazing. But if they’re not already an expert, educating themselves is their job.

Of course, you will need to talk about what words like “polyamorous” or “kinky” or “sex positive” mean to you. But at the end of the day, you’re paying them to help you. That help includes educating themselves. If they’re taking up a lot of your session asking you basic or 101 questions, suggest some resources and move the conversation on. If they make no effort to learn, they’re a bad therapist.

Don’t Be Afraid to Steer the Conversation

Therapy is your time, so don’t be afraid to steer the conversation in the direction you want it to go. “I’d really like to focus on…” is a useful phrase. Again, if your therapist insists that an aspect of your sexuality is a problem when it isn’t problematic for you, think about moving on.

A good sex positive therapist will never use any expression resembling “you wouldn’t have this problem if you were [monogamous/vanilla/etc.]”

Remember You Deserve Top Quality Care

Therapy is expensive, unless you live in a country with a functioning socialised mental healthcare system (lucky you if so.)

You deserve the best care from your therapist. Good sex positive therapy is a relationship built on trust, and you can end the therapist/client relationship any time if things aren’t working out. Please don’t settle for someone who doesn’t treat you – all facets of you – with the respect you deserve.

If this piece helped you, please consider buying me a virtual coffee to say thanks!