Tag: love languages and kink

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Praise Kink Phrases: What is a Praise Kink and How Can You Enjoy It?

Published on by Amy20 Comments

Once in a while, I check the search terms people use to find me. For the last few months, the term “praise kink” has popped up again and again. Which is interesting, considering this is something I’ve never actually written about! So I thought it would be fun to talk about it. What is a praise kink, what are some praise kink phrases and ideas you can use, and what do you need to know about this incredibly popular fetish?

What is a Praise Kink?

In short, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Someone with a praise kink gets off on being praised, complimented, or receiving verbal approval. Less commonly, this kink is sometimes called “affirmation play.”

“But doesn’t everyone love praise?” you’re probably asking. And yes, many of us do! But having a praise kink isn’t quite the same thing. For people with a praise kink, certain words or phrases might elicit a sexual response, send them to subspace or Topspace (yes, it’s more common amongst submissives in my experience, but Tops and Dominants can have a praise kink too!) or otherwise have an impact beyond just “warm fuzzies from receiving a compliment”.

I don’t think there’s any actual data on this (can someone finance this study immediately please?) but I suspect there is a lot of crossover between those who enjoy praise in a kink context and those who have words of affirmation as one of their primary love languages.

Praise kink is often seen as being part of the softer, gentler type of BDSM. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be! As with all kinky things, it can be whatever you make of it.

Do You Have This Kink?

You might be reading this article wondering if this description applies to you. Sorry, I can’t answer this for you! The only person who knows for sure if you have a praise kink is you.

But consider these questions:

  • Do you have a sexual, submissive/dominant, or otherwise kink-based response to receiving praise?
  • Do you enjoy sex or a kink scene more when your partner gives you lots of positive verbal feedback?
  • When you think of verbal feedback that turned you on, could any of those phrases or your response to them be defined as praise kink?
  • When you think back on your hottest sex/kink scenes, do the complimentary things your partner said to you stand out as one of your favourite parts?

If any of these sound like you, then you might have a praise kink!

It’s important to note that praise kinks can be very contextual. While some people might find it hot whenever anyone gives them praise or a compliment, others find that this desire is specifically directed towards those with whom they have some kind of attraction, sexual relationship, or kink dynamic.

Praise Kink Ideas: Praise Kink Phrases You Can Use

Ultimately, the best way to learn what praise kink phrases will work for your partner is to ask them. Communication, understanding one another, and listening to feedback will get you further than a list of praise kink ideas ever will.

But if you’re not sure where to start, here are a few praise kink phrase ideas to get you started.

  • “You’re such a good… [girl/boy/slut/pet/their favourite term of endearment]”
  • “You’re doing/you did really well.”
  • “You look so beautiful/handsome/sexy when you… [insert activity here]”
  • “I’m so proud of you.”
  • “I love how well you took that spanking for me.”
  • “That feels amazing, keep doing that.”
  • “I love it when you… [insert action or activity here]”
  • “I can’t stop thinking about when you [insert hot or sexy thing they did here]”
  • “Your ass looks incredible in those panties”
  • “You’re so good at [eating my pussy/sucking my cock/fucking me/insert activity here]”
  • “I can’t wait to show you off to everyone at the club”
  • “You’re strong, I know you can take it for me”
  • “You’re so loved and cherished

These are all just ideas and you will undoubtedly come up with your own praise kink ideas and find your favourite phrases as you explore. Remember: the only right way to do it is the way that works for you and your partner.

Cup of tea. For a post about acts of service as a love language in kink

The Kinky Love Languages: Acts of Service

Published on by Amy2 Comments

This is the last post in my “five love languages for kink” series, and today we’re talking acts of service. I deliberately left this one until last. Out of the five love languages from the original framework, it is perhaps the easiest to apply to a kink and BDSM context. After all, service submission is a whole kink in and of itself! If your partner speaks this love language and you want some ideas for how to apply acts of service to your dominance or submission, keep reading.

What is the Acts of Service Love Language?

The acts of service love language can best be summed up as “actions speak louder than words.” It’s all about doing things for the other person, and specifically things that reduce their workload or make their life easier. This love language prioritises thoughtfulness and care in the small, day to day things that improve someone’s quality of life.

Wait, Isn’t Service Part of Submission? How Can a Dominant Perform Acts of Service!?

Many people might assume that a submissive wouldn’t want to receive love through acts of service. They might think that it would undermine a D/s relationship for a Dominant to show love in this way. But this is a pretty reductive understanding of both this love language, and D/s relationship dynamics. Service doesn’t have to be synonymous with submission or subservience.

The Five Love Languages site suggests things like doing the dishes, collecting their mail, and getting up in the middle of the night for childcare duties as acts of service partners can do for one another. At their core, acts of service are just about taking care of each other. And if you’re a Dominant, I believe that one of the most important parts of your role is taking care of your submissive.

Exactly what “care” means in this context is, of course, open to interpretation and will depend upon your dynamic. A Daddy Dom will likely care for their submissive in a different way to a sadist, and a pet player will show care differently to an Owner in an Owner/property dynamic.

So, yes, making your submissive dinner might be considered an act of service. You can do this out of love and to show care. You can also frame it as an act of dominance, if you like. Think of it like this: your submissive is your most cherished possession. That means taking care of them (for example, by making sure they get proper nourishment) is paramount. Taking a chore off their hands when they’re exhausted, running an errand to save them time on a busy day, or picking up their medication for them can all be acts of service to show your partner that they’re loved and ways of taking care of your favourite toy. As a Dominant, acts of service coming from you aren’t submission, they’re care.

Even though you’re in a relationship based on dominance and submission, it’s still a relationship. You might have negotiated an unequal power imbalance, but you both still exist in the real world. In that world you need to be equal human beings with responsibilities that you take on together. Shouldering your fair share of the load is not only both attractive (and Dominant) as hell, but necessary to keep a relationship healthy and functioning.

Service Submission and Other Acts of Service Ideas for Submissives

Service, in the context of performing acts of service as submission, is very often a part of a D/s relationship. This will look different in every relationship, and if service submission is your thing (or your partner loves receiving it and you’re happy to give it,) you’ll need to negotiate what that looks like for you.

Ask your Dominant, if they haven’t already told you, what specific forms of service work best for them. Perhaps you always make their drink in the morning or iron their favourite shirt. Maybe you polish their boots before a party or have dinner on the table when they get back from work.

Try to balance routine and flexibility. Routine can help to build a dynamic and a submissive headspace, as well as showing consistency and reliability. But flexibility is essential when circumstances, people, and needs inevitably change (which they will.)

Acts of service submission can also relate directly to your kinky play. Cleaning toys after a session, coiling your Dominant’s rope in the way they like it, or making sure you have their favourite brand of lube before they come over all count as acts of service. Sexual service, if you’re into that, can also be incredibly hot.

Acts of Service Ideas for All Roles and Dynamics

Regardless of your role or dynamic in your relationship, the keys to successful acts of service are:

  1. Doing things without being asked, at least sometimes.
  2. Going above and beyond the usual call of duty.

No-one expects you to be a mind-reader and know exactly what your partner wants without them asking. But you probably know them at least reasonably well, so use that knowledge to find little ways to perform service for them without being prompted.

Run to the store when you’ve run out of milk before they get up and make their morning coffee. Put a hot water bottle in bed for them on a cold night. Make them lunch before a long work day. Do the chore that’s usually theirs when they’ve had a long day. The significance here isn’t in grand gestures, but in finding little everyday ways to show consideration, love, and service through your submission or dominance.

“Above and beyond” just means that doing the expected 50%-ish of shared relationship and domestic labour isn’t enough by itself (though it is important!) You need to go a step beyond that at least sometimes. If your partner’s love language is acts of service, the quickest way to make them feel unloved and unseen is to do the bare minimum you can get away with.

Two people kissing and holding, their faces unseen. Header for a post on the physical touch love language

The Kinky Love Languages: Physical Touch

Published on by Amy

It’s time for the penultimate “Kinky Love Languages” post, in which I explore the five love languages and ways that they can relate to kinky relationships. Today we’re exploring some physical touch love language ideas and how you can make this language work for you.

What is the Physical Touch Love Language?

When people think of the love language of physical touch, they often think of sex first. And, yes, sex is part of this language for many people. But it’s far from the only part. A person whose love language is physical touch is likely to value things like cuddling, holding hands, hugs, and kisses. Even small gestures like an arm around their shoulder as you watch TV or a gentle, affectionate touch as you pass each other can mean a lot.

By the way: people who are asexual, including sex-repulsed aces, can still have this love language. There are so many amazing forms of non sexual touch to explore.

Physical Touch Love Language Ideas for Submissive Partners

A submissive who speaks the love language of touch is likely to place high value on the physical aspects of BDSM. Think the thud of a flogger across their back, the feeling of rope tightening against their skin, the raw intimacy of a spanking, the feeling of your hand in their hair, or the sensation of your teeth nibbling their neck.

If your submissive speaks this love language, it’s more important than ever to make plenty of time for close, physical, and intimate kinky play.

For a submissive who experiences love through physicality, the touch of their Dominant can be its own reward. Caress their cheek when you tell them you’re pleased with them. Give them a few swats on the ass before bed. Stroke their hair. If you want to reinforce certain behaviours or just make your submissive feel loved, give them plenty of physical affection. Touch them lovingly, easily, and often.

When you’re out in public or at a party, gestures that keep them physically close—holding their hand, putting an arm around them, or placing your hand on the small of their back—can make them feel treasured.

Think about physical body positions, too. Some subs who enjoy physical touch may also enjoy things like submissive postures, being human furniture, or sitting at your feet.

Many submissives want to feel taken care of by a Dominant. You can incorporate physical touch into the ways you care for your sub by, for example, washing or brushing their hair, helping them with personal care activities like shaving, or even feeding them from your hand.

Doms Like Cuddles, Too! Physical Touch Ideas for Dominants

People tend to forget that most Dominants like hugs and cuddles just as much as anyone else. For Dominants whose love language is physical touch, submissive partners have so many opportunities to incorporate this into submission or service.

Again, the physical side of kink is likely to be hugely important to your Dominant if this is their love language. So make time for kinky play, prioritise it in your schedule, and do your best to stick to any play dates you arrange. A Dominant who loves physical touch is unlikely to be comfortable functioning as a “service Top” (someone who takes on a Dominant role primarily to pleasure their partner) most or all of the time. Make sure their physical needs and desires are met in your scenes as well.

While sex and kinky play can play a key role in speaking this love language, non sexual touch and general physical affection are just as important.

Learning to give a really good back massage or foot rub can be a wonderful gift for your Dominant who loves physical touch. You could also include physical closeness by doing intimate and body-based tasks for them such as painting their nails, styling their hair, shaving their legs, or washing their back.

There are also many ways to demonstrate loving submission through physical affection. Try laying your head on their lap or shoulder, curling up close to them on the couch so they can pet you, or kissing whichever parts of their body they like to have kissed.

Things to Remember No Matter Your Role

Physical intimacy can look so many different ways, and it’s slightly different for every relationship. If you or your partner speaks the physical touch love language, prioritising sex and kinky play might well be important to you. It’s also important to make plenty of time and space for cuddles, kissing, holding hands, non sexual touch, and the kind of easy physical closeness that can come in a long-term relationship.

Physical touch is probably the hardest love language to meet if you’re in a long distance relationship. There are still things you can do if you get creative. Give your partner a soft toy to hug. Give them a shirt that smells like you to sleep with. Invest in some really good app-controlled sex toys so you can touch them sexually by proxy. But realistically, if one or both of you feels strongly connected to the love language of physical touch, you’re going to need to make an effort to see each other in person as often as you can.

Gay couple pressing their foreheads together, for a post about the quality time love language, kinky date ideas and ways to bring this love language into a kinky relationship

The Kinky Love Languages: Quality Time

Published on by Amy

This is the third in a series of five posts covering the five love languages as applied to kink and BDSM. If you don’t know your love language, take the quiz linked above to find out! Today we’re talking the love language of “quality time”, with some kinky date ideas and other ways to make the most of this love language in your D/s relationship.

What is the Quality Time Love Language?

A person whose love language is quality time is all about spending meaningful, connective time with the people they love. Sounds easy enough, right? But in long term relationships, and particularly nesting relationships, quality time often gives way to “we’re just generally around each other a lot.”

Scrolling on your phones at opposite ends of the couch without talking is not quality time.

Quality time can be particularly hard in a long distance relationship. People who work long hours, have children, are disabled or chronically ill, or have a limited income may also experience unique challenges with this love language.

Kinky Date Ideas and More for Submissives Who Love Quality Time

For many submissives, the greatest gift is their Dominant’s undivided time and attention. Focused quality time shows your submissive that they are wanted, valued, and loved.

If your submissive loves quality time, a kinky date night is always a great idea. This might mean staying in and getting your kink on in your bedroom, or it might mean taking them out to a fetish club, kinky event, or play party.

You can also kink up a regular date night. For example, you could order your submissive to wear a butt plug throughout the movie or edge three times before you take them out to dinner.

Not all your quality time together has to be active play time, of course. Even in a D/s relationship, snuggling on the couch is lovely. Non-scene connective time can show your submissive that you love them as a person and partner, not just as a kinky plaything.

Ritual, Routine and Quality Time

Rituals and routines can be comforting and connective for many people who value quality time highly, and particularly for many submissives. They provide consistency and a reliable point of connection at regular intervals where your attention is on each other.

Rituals can be simple or elaborate. They can be seemingly-mundane (“make my coffee for me the way I like it, then sit with me quietly while I drink it”) or have a play element to them. I know of one D/s couple who started each day with the Dominant choosing the submissive’s underwear for the day. Spankings before bed are another common and fun choice.

Connective routines can be as simple as watching an episode of your favourite TV show together each evening ot setting aside Friday nights to be your glass-of-wine-and-debrief-of-the-week time.

Kinky Date Ideas and More for Dominants Who Love Quality Time

If you’re a submissive, it can be tempting to think that all you need to do to make a Dominant happy is show up and get your ass beaten. This might work at first but it’s unlikely to lead to a happy long-term relationship, particularly if your Dominant’s love language is quality time.

Many people assume that date planning is the Dominant’s responsibility in a kinky relationship, but this doesn’t have to be the case. Many D-types love to be wooed and are seriously impressed when a submissive comes up with new kinky date ideas, surprises them with a spontaneous adventure, or goes above and beyond to make them feel loved.

If your Dominant likes surprises, tell them you’re taking them on an adventure. If necessary, give them some bare-bones information on what to wear or pack, then do all the planning to make something cool happen for the two of you. You can easily view making plans that will make their eyes light up as an act of service. If they’re not a fan of surprises, ask their permission to treat them to a date night/day/weekend doing any activity they want to do.

Another possibility for your Dominant is to give them the gift of you, completely available with no interruptions, for a period of time to have their kinky fun with. “I sent the kids to a babysitter, my phone is off, dinner is taken care of... and I’m all yours for the whole night!” What a yummy and wonderful gift.

Quality Time in a Kinky Relationship: Tips for Everyone

Regardless of dynamic and role, quality time is key to all relationships. This is especially true if it’s one of your main love languages. Whether you’re a Dominant or a submissive, the best gift you can give to a partner with this love language is an evening, day, or weekend of your undivided attention. Time where you can relax, do fun things together, and enjoy being in each other’s company are crucial. If you don’t live together, this can include remote time.

Planning quality time is also a part of this love language. This might be coming up with kinky date ideas together, sexting about all the things you’re going to do next time you have chance to play, or looking at travel guides together to decide where you want to go on holiday. Having plans to look forward to can be an amazing boost for your relationship and can make people with the quality time love language feel loved and seen.

What NOT To Do

If your partner’s love language is quality time, being consistent and reliable is essential. Emergencies happen occasionally, of course, but being flaky or cancelling plans is just about the worst thing you can do to someone with this love language.

Make plans and stick to them.

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A wrapped present. For a post on the love language of giving and receiving gifts

The Kinky Love Languages: Giving & Receiving Gifts

Published on by Amy1 Comment

I started this series months ago and promptly forgot to finish it. But we’re back and today we’re talking the love language of gifts, and specifically gifts for your Dominant or submissive. Let’s go!

If you don’t know your love language yet, take the quiz to find out. The love languages model is deeply flawed and incomplete, but a useful starting point for thinking about how you like to give and receive love.

A content warning that this post discusses spending money, so if that’s difficult or stressful for you please feel free to skip this one. I have tried to be mindful of different budgets and provide a range of options.

What the “Giving and Receiving Gifts” Love Language Means (and Doesn’t)

Giving and receiving gifts is often looked down upon compared to the other four options in the basic “five love languages” framework (words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch.) Those who feel an affinity with this method of showing and receiving love tend to be viewed as materialistic, shallow, or having a tendency to throw money at a relationship in lieu of actually making an effort.

However, I believe that is unfair.

The people I’ve spoken to for whom giving and receiving gifts is a primary love language take care to point out that it’s not about the money spent or the financial value of the gift. Instead, it’s about the love and affection that goes into picking out the perfect thing for your partner.

The “gifts” in this context do not have to be big, expensive, extravagant presents. In most cases, they probably shouldn’t be. This love language is about paying attention to the things your partner loves or what they need, and giving them things that reflect that care and attention. Gifts for your Dominant or submissive can be as simple as getting their favourite brand of tea before they sleep over, bringing them a bar of chocolate after a bad day, or picking up a cute trinket you saw for £1 because it made you think of them.

So how can this one relate to kinky dynamics?

Gifts for a Submissive: How to Love a Sub with This Love Language

In my experience, very often what submissives want more than anything is to feel truly seen and known by their Dominants. Another thing that is very often important to submissives is to feel taken care of. The love language of gifts gives you, as a Dominant, tonnes of opportunity to provide for these basic and important needs.

So pay attention to what your submissive likes! Listen for cues, watch the things they lust after or buy for themselves. Take note of things like any favourite colours, foods, hobbies or artists. That way, when you’re looking for gifts for a submissive partner, for a special occasion or “just because,” you can get them something really perfect.

Is your submissive always working hard and barely taking time for themselves? You could give them a gift which says “I’m giving you permission to relax.” A nice bath bomb or the latest issue of their favourite magazine? Perhaps the heating in their apartment is wonky, so you buy them a big snuggly blanket to keep them warm on cold days. Have they been wanting to write more? A beautiful notebook might be the perfect present.

Sexy gifts such as sex toys can also be a great option, if your relationship includes sex! Why not surprise your submissive with a new vibrator, masturbator, or a dildo in their favourite colour? They’ll think of you fondly every time they use it.

Making It Meaningful to the Two of You

Finally, consider the meaning of gifts that signify your relationship and importance to each other. You’ll need to negotiate its meaning fully, and I don’t advocate springing this on someone without discussion, but for many submissives, their collar will be the most precious gift they ever receive. If that’s not right for your relationship (or they already have one,) then other gift options for a submissive might be a special piece of jewellery, a harness, some beautiful underwear, or even a kink toy that is only for the two of you to use together.

Gifts for Your Dominant: How to Love a Dom with This Love Language

A good way to think of this is to frame the idea of giving the perfect gifts to your Dominant as an act of service. Many Doms love the idea of a submissive who pays attention and can anticipate their needs. Notice what their favourite snacks are and make sure you have them in. Bring them a coffee when you meet them at the end of a long day. Stressed out Dom? Buy massage oil or a massage candle and read up on how to give a relaxing back rub.

As with any other partner, keep notes on their favourite things and use this knowledge to guide your gift-giving.

A way to take this a step further, if you’re so inclined, is to make it your mission to seek out something special for them that they haven’t been able to get. Is there a book they really want that’s out of print, a game that’s no longer made, or a limited edition version of something that would make their eyes light up? If you have the chance, making an extra effort in this way can be a profound show of both love and service.

Kinking It Up a Step Further

Kinky toys and tools are absolutely ideal gifts to give Dominants, too. Pay attention to what things they pick up and admire when you go to the fetish market together, or what things they’ve mentioned they really want to try. File this information away for later then, when you have occasion to give them a gift, you can surprise them with something that they’ll get endless joy out of using (on you, naturally.) Have you ever given a sadist a new whip as a present? I recommend it.

And kinky presents don’t have to stop at physical things. What about a ticket to a kink event you’ve been wanting to go to together, or a course of lessons in rope, whip technique, or some other skill they’ve been wanting to learn?

If you wish, you could even turn giving gifts to your Dominant into a kinky thing in and of itself. I am far from an expert in “financial Domination,” and it’s something I encourage you to be extremely careful with and set firm limits around… but if the idea of showering your Dom with gifts and treats as part of your submission, or pretending you are being “made” to do it, gets you off then this can be a fun thing to play with. The inimitable Girl on the Net wrote about one perspective on financial domination here and here.

Some More Tips That Work for Anyone

At the end of the day, most people love to receive the kinds of gifts that show thought, consideration, and a true knowledge of who they are. Regardless of whether you’re kinky or vanilla, a Dom or a sub or something else, you can show love to your partner by giving them the occasional well-considered, well-timed gift.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, consider gifts that help your partner feel connected to you. This could be as simple as sneaking a shirt that smells like you into their luggage before they leave, or as elaborate as buying them a fancy app-controlled sex toy for use during your sexting sessions.

Homemade gifts are almost always wonderful. So if you have a talent, use it! I own two paintings and several pieces of jewellery made for me by my partner The Artist, and I absolutely cherish these things. I’ve made everything from chocolate chip cookies to knitted items for loved ones, and they’ve always gone down well.

Finally, gifts don’t have to be physical items! Something I treasure immensely is when a partner gives me a gift of an experience for us to do together. This could be buying dinner at their favourite restaurant, going to see a show together, or almost anything that they’ll love doing and love doing with you. Something that’s both a physical item and an experience, such as a date night kit or couples’ chocolate set, can work particularly well for anyone who sits at the intersection of “receiving gifts” and “quality time” in their love languages.

Looking for some inspiration? Check out my list of sexy gift ideas to get inspired.

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Header image for a post on the kinky love languages and words of affirmation

The Kinky Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

Published on by Amy

This is the first in a mini-series of posts where I explore the five love languages as they can relate to kink and BDSM, and today we’re talking sweet yet kinky things to say to a Dominant or submissive whose love language is words of affirmation.

If you don’t know your main love language, take the quiz to find out. The model is imperfect, in that it assumes monogamy and offers quite a limited framework for relationships, but it’s a useful starting point for exploring how you like to give and receive love. Most of us will connect with most or all of the languages to some extent, but have one or two that stand out.

What is the Words of Affirmation Love Language?

People whose primary love language is words of affirmation like to hear that you love and value them. They like to be told explicitly, out loud, and in detail not only that you love them, but why. Of course, you will also need to back up your words with actions.

Let’s look at some of the things you can say to a kinky partner who has this love language.

Kinky Things to Say to a Submissive Who Loves Words of Affirmation

Do the words “good girl,” “good boy,” or equivalent make your submissive partner melt? Will they do anything for your praise? If so, their love language might be words of affirmation. Be generous with your words, be free with your praise, and never assume they know how I feel so I don’t need to say it. They might know how you feel, but they still want to hear it.

Tell them “I’m so proud of you” when they accomplish something. Say “you look so hot kneeling for me like that” during a scene. Compliments (on their achievements, talents, character, accomplishments, looks) should be given freely and often.

A submissive who needs words of affirmation is likely to need verbal reassurance sometimes, too. They might need to hear that you love them, that you value them, and that they’re not too much or too needy. If you’re in a non-monogamous dynamic, they’re likely to need verbal reassurance if they experience jealousy.

Writing tasks were made for submissives with this love language. Have your partner write down fantasies, reflect on your dynamic in a daily journal, or write down mantras to increase their confidence in themselves. You could even set “lines” as a punishment, if that’s a part of your relationship.

Make sure everything you say is genuine and heartfelt. A person who speaks this love language can tell when you’re parroting lines with no feeling behind them.

Kinky Things to Say to a Dominant Who Loves Words of Affirmation

People tend to forget that Dominants have emotional needs, too. Praise kinks are most often associated with submissives, but a Dom is just as likely as a sub to speak the words of affirmation love language.

A Dominant who is into words of affirmation might love to hear lots of verbal feedback during and after play. Don’t go overboard or fake it, but a well-timed “that feels so good” or “this is making me so hard/wet” is likely to go over well. After play, general words of appreciation (“I needed that so much, thank you”) or specific compliments (“the way you handle the whip is so sexy”) can make them glow.

It’s amazing how many submissives forget this: compliment your Dom! Tell her the way she looks in those boots makes you go weak at the knees. Make sure they know how much you admire their skills with rope. Tell them you love their laugh, their kindness, their devotion to their family, or their quirky sense of humour. Just pick something genuine and say it out loud.

However confident and stoic they seem, Doms can also feel insecure, jealous, sad, or lonely. Check in with your partner regularly as a fellow human being who cares about them. Remind them they’re loved, learn about their needs, and let them be vulnerable with you.

Finally, if your D-type sets you a writing task, do it promptly and to the best of your ability.

Words of Affirmation: Tips That Work For Anyone

It’s fun to say hot and kinky things to your partner, but remember to speak this language in other ways, too. Remind them of your confidence, faith, and pride in them. Build them up before an important event, celebrate their achievements, and help to lift their spirits when they’re down.

Don’t underestimate the power of written words, too. If you live apart (or even if you don’t!), a sweet “good morning” text or a message to say you’re thinking about them could make their whole day. Love letters, cute notes left around the house or slipped into their bag, and heartfelt cards on special occasions will be cherished.

Sexting was made for relationships between people who communicate their love in words. Share a fantasy, tell your partner about a sexy dream you had, or spin an elaborate scene together.

Most importantly, say “I love you.” Seriously. Say it often and say it with your entire heart. No-one who speaks the “words of affirmation” language will get tired of hearing it.

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