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[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Jett

I find myself in an interesting position: reviewing a toy designed for people with penises, when I myself do not have a penis. I’ve had the Hot Octopuss Jett sitting in my to-review pile for a ridiculously long time. Fortunately, the team have been incredibly patient in waiting for me to get this out.

Let’s jump in, shall we?

The Hot Octopuss Jett

The Jett, by Hot Octopuss, is an interesting cock-ring/vibrator combo. It consists of a three-part silicone sleeve. One hole is for the penis to go through, and the other two fit the Jett’s two removable bullet vibrators. The bullets are attached with wires to the remote control, which also houses the batteries.

The Hot Octopuss Jett

On a person with a cock, the toy is designed to be worn against the frenulum, just below the tip of the penis. Like this:

The Hot Octopuss Jett on the Godemiche Adam dildo
Stunt cock: Godemiche Adam

The stretchy sleeve expands as the penis engorges, and the toy purports to deliver hands-free orgasms to penis owners. Not having the required anatomy, I cannot comment from personal experience, but other reviews I’ve read imply that this is an accurate summary.

The Hot Octopuss Jett requires 4 AA batteries, which are not included. It comes with a silky Hot Octopuss branded storage bag. The Jett is not waterproof.

All about the Bass (and Treble)

So here’s the ridiculously cool thing about the Hot Octopuss Jett: the two vibrating bullets vibrate at different frequencies! In sex toy parlance, that means that one of the vibes is super deep and rumbly, while the other is more surface-level and buzzy.

Because you can control the speed of each bullet completely independently, you can adjust them until you find the combo that’s perfect for you. It’s basically two vibrators in one. Each bullet has six intensity settings.

The buttons are large plus/minus symbols, easy to press and easy to feel without looking. Pro tip: before you start playing, take a second to work out which button is controlling which bullet. The last thing you want is to turn the wrong one down at a critical moment!

The Hot Octopuss Jett control panel

The Jett also has 10 vibration patterns you can scroll through using the small button in the middle of the remote.

Care and cleaning

The Jett is made of a combination of two body-safe materials: silicone and ABS plastic. Add a bit of water-based lube for added comfort and enjoyment!

As the Jett is not waterproof, you’ll need to clean it carefully. The best way to do this is to wipe the bullets down with a body-safe medical wipe. You can sterilise the silicone sleeve using either the boil method or a 10% bleach solution.

Take the batteries out in between uses and they’ll last longer.

So how did I get on with it?

There’s never just one way to use a sex toy. (I mean, sometimes there are zero ways that make any sense, but I digress). Therefore, being the creative sex blogger that I am, I thought I’d set out to find ways to use the Hot Octopuss Jett as a vulva toy.

The most obvious use is to simply detach the bullets from the sleeve and use one or both of them as a clitoral vibrator. I tried this first, and hoooooooly shit.

The rumbly bullet (that’s the “Bass” side) is packing some serious power. I’m not exaggerating when I say this is the most powerful and rumbly battery-powered toy I’ve ever tried. Many rechargeables cannot hold a candle to this. If you like power and rumbles, and don’t mind some slightly fiddly wires, look no further.

The Hot Octopuss Jett brought me to orgasm in under 5 minutes, which is an extremely impressive feat for anything that isn’t a mains powered wand.

Naturally, I tried the buzzy side (the “Treble”) too. It wasn’t bad, as buzzy vibes go, but I’m just not really a fan in general. If you like more surface-level vibrations, though, it might suit you fine.

The other way for vulva owners to use this toy is to keep both bullets in the sleeve and press it against the clit. The advantage of doing it this way is that you can use the cock ring part as a little handle, or even slide two fingers through it and hold the toy in place that way.

The Hot Octopuss Jett in a womans hand

This method was a success, too. The silicone dampens the intensity of the vibrations a little, but not too much. This is the best way to use this toy on a vulva if you want to make the most of the treble/bass combo and the combined power of both bullets.

One little complaint: one of the wires tends to come loose during use, causing one of the bullets to cut out. Luckily it’s the buzzier bullet that has this issue on my Jett, so I don’t care as much, but it’s still kinda annoying.

Do I recommend it?

I’m really, really impressed with the Hot Octopuss Jett. Between this and the awesome Amo, this company are absolutely knocking it out of the park lately.

I heartily recommend the Jett. Yes, it’s designed with penises in mind, but it’s brilliant for vulvas too. New to sex toys and not sure if you like buzzy or rumbly vibes? The Jett is a great and relatively inexpensive way to try both and see what you prefer.

The Jett retails for a reasonably priced £49.00. If you buy from Hot Octopuss directly using my affiliate links, I make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

The Hot Octopuss Jett was provided to me in exchange for an honest review. All views, as always, are mine.

[Lingerie Review] Lovehoney Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set

I was so excited about this one that I’ve bumped it up the review queue! I’m very into Lovehoney’s Fierce range and honestly would probably buy one of everything if I could. So it was lovely to receive this set to review for you guys. Let’s take a look.

Lovehoney Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set

The Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set is part of Lovehoney’s Fierce range, a collection of fetish-inspired, wet-look and faux leather pieces. This two-piece set is made up of a bra and… knickers? Shorts? Kinda a halfway house? I’m gonna go with “knickers” for ease of writing.

The set is made of black faux-leather, which is a polyester/elastane mix. Bonus: the gusset on the knickers is cotton-lined, which is healthier for your bits!

The butt, cleavage, and two cut-out sections on the knickers have lace-up detailing with metal eyelets. The bra ties up in a halter-neck style.

Here it is on Lovehoney’s gorgeous model:

The Lovehoney Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set on the model
Image courtesy of Lovehoney

First impressions

I loved this set as soon as I took it out of the packaging. I love the look and feel of leather, but have ethical qualms about it as a vegetarian. So, while not 100% convincing – at least close up – this is a decent alternative.

The combo of the shiny black fabric and lacing is just extremely sexy. I wanted to put it on straight away!

Fit & Comfort

Ahh – no wires! I make no secret of the fact that I think wired bras are the fucking devil and absolutely will not wear them if I can possibly help it. Fortunately, the Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set is completely wire-free.

Me in the Lovehoney Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set

As sexy lingerie goes, this set is shockingly comfortable to wear. The fabric feels nice against the skin, and the stretchy elastic waist and underbust bands mean nothing is digging in or pinching.

Me in the Lovehoney Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set

The Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set comes in small, medium, and large sizes, and there’s a handy sizing chart on the product page. It’s also available in an equally sexy plus size version. As the elastic is stretchyy and the bra has 3 clasp options and a halterneck, it’s somewhat adjustable in terms of sizing.

I’m a size 14 and the large fits me comfortably. Some reviewers noted that the knickers were on the small side, so if in doubt consider going up a size.

Close up of a womans butt

So for the moment of truth: did it contain my boobs?

The answer to that is… kind of. They did mostly fit into the cups and stayed put, particularly when I tied the halterneck quite tight to give them a little extra lift. But I did get a little bit of nipple slippage at the front. If this is something you don’t want, go up a size if you’re well endowed in the chest department.

Look & Feel

This set is VERY my style. The feminine silhouette with a kinky edge just speaks very much to my personal aesthetic goals.

Me lounging on a bed

Lovehoney describe it as a “Dominatrix-inspired look,” but I think that’s only one possible interpretation. The open panels and easy access through the lacing and crotchless knickers speaks to vulnerability to me, which helps me tap into my submissive headspace when I’m wearing it.

The laced up detailing really makes this set for me. It’s just the right level of showing off my body while leaving enough to the imagination to tease a lover and make them want more.

Care & cleaning

The Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set is hand-wash only. Use cold water and gentle detergent if necessary. Dry it on the washing line, and don’t iron it.

Final thoughts

Oh yes, this one did not disappoint!

Me in the Lovehoney Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set

The Fierce collection was created with actual kinksters in mind, and it shows.

Bonus: it’s so easy to take on and off that you can wear it to the dungeon[1], slip out of it for playtime, then pop it back on in seconds.

This set retails for an affordable £34.99. Far below the price tag of real leather!

[1] If we can ever go to dungeons again. *cries*

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Fierce Lace-Up Bra Set to review. All views are, as always, my own. This post contains affiliate links.

[Quote Quest] Love is Many Things

“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself- and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.”

Love is many things.

Yes, sometimes love is red roses and grand gestures. But more often than not, it’s the quieter things that speak so much louder.

Fingers reaching for yours as you walk side by side. A hand on the small of your back as you wait in line at the supermarket, or resting on your knee as you watch TV.

Sometimes love is, “I love you”. But other times, it’s let me know you got home okay. It’s you’re exhausted, why don’t I pick up takeout on the way home? It’s I set the coffee pot up for you.

Love is the silly trinket they saw and couldn’t not get for you, because it spoke to some inside joke. It’s the meme in your inbox that they knew would make you laugh.

Sometimes, love is the person you’re fucking. Other times, it’s the best friend who peeled you off the floor when you were at your absolute worst and loved you unwaveringly anyway. Sometimes it’s a person who will hold you with strong arms until you feel safe again. But other times, it’s a gently purring cat who somehow knows exactly when you need a cuddle.

Sometimes, it’s I just met you but you’ve completely commandeered my thoughts. Then again, sometimes it’s also I’ll wait patiently for two years for you to fully let me in, because I know how badly you’ve been hurt before.

Love can be lavish dinners on special occasions, but it can also be homemade pancakes the morning after a night of filthy sex… or the morning after you’ve handed in your Masters thesis and all you want to do is fuse with the sofa and never move again.

Love is having your back and fighting by your side when someone has wronged you. But it’s also calling you out on your shit, because they love you and they know you’re better than this. It’s respecting your boundaries, and communicating theirs. It’s saying what they mean, so you don’t have to play guessing games.

Love is letting you feel your feelings. It’s allowing you to be where you are, without trying to fix you. It’s listening with curiosity and empathy, letting you define your own experience. Letting you sit in a space of uncertainty, not knowing, figuring things out.

Love is many things.

Love is not all you need, but it’s a damn good start.

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This piece was written for Quote Quest, a new weekly meme by Little Switch Bitch. Click the button to see who else was inspired by this week’s quote! And if today’s piece resonated with you, you can always buy me a coffee to say thanks!

[Book Review] Pain Play for Everyone by Luna Caruthers

Luna Carruthers has been running Submissive Guide, a large website of resources for anyone identifying as a kinky submissive, in 2009. I actually found the website way back in the early days of my kinky explorations in my late teens and very early twenties. It’s been years since I visited the site, so getting reacquainted with it while reading Pain Play for Everyone and writing this review was a fun trip down memory lane!

Pain Play for Everyone by Luna Carruthers book cover, featuring a pink background and picture of a paddle.

Pain Play for Everyone by Luna Carruthers is a quick read at 102 pages in length. But there’s a lot of useful information packed into this slim volume.

A book for receivers rather than givers

If you want to be the person dishing out the pain in a kinky scene, this book is not going to teach you the practicalities or necessary safety tips on how to do that. There are great resources available that teach you how to do that, and I encourage you to check them out.

Pain Play for Everyone is very much geared towards the submissive or receiving partner. I liked that about it. So much BDSM content is written by and for Dominants, possibly due to the assumption that us submissives just lie there and get stuff done to us.

But I’ve long held that bottoming well is a skill, and one that deserves to be taught – and celebrated – as much as Topping. Therefore, I’m glad to see a book written by a submissive, for submissives.

However, though it’s aimed at submissives and bottoms, I actually think Dominants and Tops should read it, too. The hallmark of a great Dominant is being able to understand and empathise with their submissive’s experience. By understanding how masochists experience and process pain, sadists can become better, more empathic, and safer players.

Accessible and easy-reading

Luna uses accessible language throughout the book, making it easy to read and absorb the information. She simplifies complex concepts and brings them into the realm of real-life kinky play situations.

The book is well-structured with clear headers for each section that make it easy to find what you’re looking for.

Practical tips

Luna shares a number of practical strategies for increasing pain management and pain processing ability during kink play. The strategies are clearly described, making them easy to try out and implement. They won’t all work for you, because everyone is different. But by trying a few different options, you’re likely to find something that is helpful for you.

Experience-informed and well-researched

Luna uses her own experiences throughout the book to help explain the points she makes. By sharing her real-life experiences, she brings the content out of the abstract and into the real.

Pain Play for Everyone seems solidly researched and delves into a little of the neuroscience, psychology, and physiology of pain processing.

I would have liked to see a bibliography or footnotes referencing sources for some of the more science-heavy bits. But that’s because I’m a massive dork and want to go and read more. There are a couple of links to relevant studies and book suggestions included, but I would have liked to see a much more extensive list of sources.

Who is it for?

I’d definitely have found this book useful when was a new submissive and just starting to explore pain play. Most of it was stuff I already knew, given with my well-over-a-decade-at-this-point of experience.

I still got something out of it, though. I particularly found the descriptions of the various types of pain – beyond thud and sting – to be useful. It also gave me a couple of new ways of thinking about processing intense sensation during a scene. But as a broad generalisation, it’s more likely to be useful to newer kinksters than experienced players.

If you’re new to submission or being on the receiving end of sadomasochistic activity, there will be something for you in this book. In particular, you might find it useful if you are looking for ways to increase your pain tolerance or play at a higher level of intensity.

Where to buy it

You can get a free signed copy of Pain Play for Everyone (along with a host of other cool benefits) when you join the Devoted tier on their Patreon page. The book is also available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle edition, along with Luna’s other releases.

I received a copy of this book free of charge in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own. If you enjoy my work, please consider supporting the blog – and my caffeine habit – by buying me a coffee.

[Guest Blog] “Open to Trans Girls?” by Velvet Divine

I put out a call for guest blog pitches at the end of July and oh my, you folks delivered! I received some brilliant ideas and would have loved to accept them all. I’m absolutely thrilled to be sharing today’s fantastic piece by a new-to-me writer, Velvet Divine (fae/faer.) You can follow faer on Twitter!

To me, this post really highlights the experience of trans folks and the misconceptions and bigotry that too many cis people still hold. We have a long way to go. I hope that by uplifting trans voices in this space, I can make a very small difference.

– Amy x

Open to Trans Girls?

“Velvet Divine. Fae/Faer. Non-binary. Trans femme. Pan. Aro. Poly. Domme. Targaryen. Actress. Writer. Artist. Vegetarian. Trash fire. Nerd. Gaymer. Goth. For the Horde.” (My dating app bio.)

Due to living in a fairly small, Conservative town and working with clinically vulnerable populations, I am not yet out in my everyday life. I’m sure my identity as a non-binary trans person would compromise not only my employment but also maybe my safety. So, my main method of connecting with people for ventures north of the platonic is via online dating apps.

“Are you open to trans gals?”

Six little monosyllabic words, typed with practiced trepidation or tired resignation, depending on the day. More often than not, this is my first message to women I connect with on dating apps (specifically, cisgender women). Sometimes, it’s the third or the fifth message, following an initial volley of back-and-forth compliments. But it’s always something I feel the need to clarify as soon as possible. Part of it is in the spirit of transparency (pun intended). I like to get it out in the open in the event that it’s any kind of a deal-breaker. But the other part is a visceral fear of coming across as predatory.

Bigoted people have long been pushing a narrative that trans women and trans femme people are predatory, using their transition to gain access to vulnerable women and female spaces in order to sexually harass or assault women. A lot of us have, unfortunately, internalized a lot of this transmisogyny. When you combine that with my hyperawareness of how masculine I still present, you get a knot of anxiety at being perceived as the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing. 

I had my first taste of this in college, soon after breaking my egg (trans lingo for “coming out” or realizing one is trans). I began attending the LGBT+ Center’s Women’s Group. The second of the two sessions I attended consisted of the facilitators addressing “concerns” that some were there for the wrong reasons. Cue all eyes on me. I was the only trans feminine person and, more importantly, I did not look the part yet.

They went around the circle, asking everyone to share why they were in the group and what they hoped to gain from it. I don’t recall my answer verbatim, but it was something along the lines of wanting to connect with other LGBTQ+ women and femme-aligned folks. I looked around for some measure of commiseration or solidarity, but met only silence and a crowded room of women who wouldn’t look me in the eye.

So I never went back to the group. After a few times, the facilitators stopped asking me when I would come back whenever we ran into one another. Maybe the others thought that I was there trying to pick up a date and took my lack of feminine clothing and makeup as admission to this perceived grift. Maybe I just projected my own insecurities and completely misinterpreted the situation. Regardless, that pit in my stomach never left me. I continue to feel the need to question whether or not I am intruding upon a space that isn’t for me, or offering my company to someone who is merely tolerating it.

I ask women who match with me if they’re cool with or open to trans girls and they’ll reassure me, many vociferously and graciously, with “trans women are women” or “I love ALL girls”. Others will make a crack about how it’d be silly if they weren’t, considering it’s plastered all over my profile and hard to miss.

I will continue to ask them if they’re comfortable. I will ask them when we plan a date and I explain that I will not be dolled up because I’ll be coming from work or getting a ride from a relative. I’ll ask them again if the subject of sex comes up and we discuss desires and boundaries. I’ll ask them again during the act itself.

“I am Non-binary and trans-feminine. At the current moment, I am unable to access HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) due to my housing and economic situation. I’m on the chubby side and I still have my bio dildo. If any of those are an issue, feel free to exit stage left.”

That’s what my usual “disclaimer” looks like on my profiles. I add these because, again, I want to lay my cards on the table. Because I’m afraid that otherwise, people will feel misled somehow. Logically, I don’t imagine that these disclaimers are anything but obvious. I’m thick and, even if cis women thought I was just butch, the mention of being trans and the bio dildo euphemism would make it clear. (I used to use the expression “fleshy strap-on” but that kept going over people’s heads). But you’d be surprised. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that cis Sapphics also often feel like they need to “disclose” that they’re on the thicker side up-front. Solidarity, sisters.

Even among the LGBTQIA+ community, there is a staggering amount of ignorance regarding the trans experience on the part of cisgender folks. I’ve had many people mix up trans women and trans men. Most recently, I had a woman ghost me after I corrected her misconception by reiterating the fact that I have a “bio dildo” and explaining the euphemism. Some of my favorites, though, are the ones who think that being trans is like a Magical Girl transformation and that by shouting that I’m trans into the ether, a la Greyskull, I will immediately undergo years of HRT and surgeries. I wish that were the case.

Though these hiccups are more common than I’d like, I’m grateful that they tend to come from places of ignorance and misunderstanding rather than malice. I’ve been using these apps for years and can count on one hand the number of times that women have been intentionally rude or hateful towards me (men are a whole other story). Women are always a treasure to connect with. Even people for whom the bio dildo and transition were deal breakers have generally been perfectly respectful about it.

I want to thank Velvet again for sharing faer insights in this fantastic post. I pay all my guest writers and would like to increase the rate, hire more amazing writers, or both. If you want to see more new voices on C&K, head to the Tip Jar to support the blog.

[Quote Quest] It’s Never All Bad

Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
– Brene Brown

TW: abusive relationship, mention of suicidal ideation

I don’t understand why you didn’t leave.”

I’ve heard some variation of this question dozens of times, if not hundreds of times, since I left my abuser a little over five years ago.

It’s an understandable question. Anyone who has heard me talk about what living in that relationship was like could be forgiven for wondering the same thing. Hell, I’ve asked myself the same question countless times.

The truth is nuanced and complicated. The truth is partly that I was so young – still a teenager when I met him, and he was so much older. I had precious little power to begin with, and he robbed me of the rest.

But the piece that’s always been hard for me to face is this: it wasn’t all bad.

It would be easy to leave an abuser if they were all bad. Very few people would even enter into, let alone stay in, a relationship with someone who treated them like shit right from the beginning. Abusers show their true colours over time, once you’re already invested. Or they temper their explosive outburts with moments of behaving like the sweetest, most loving person in the world.

A couple of years ago, I wrote about how I sometimes wished he would hit me because then I would feel confident naming it as abuse and be able to leave. Would I actually have left if he had done that? I don’t know. I might still have justified it, excused it, run logical rings around us until I made it somehow my fault.

He wasn’t all bad.

I still remember the first time I saw him. A shock of long hair and a cheeky, charming grin, brown eyes that sparkled mischievously when they locked with mine. The first time we kissed, by still water on a chilly November night, when I thought my heart would stop. The first night we spent together, when we stayed up talking and fucking and talking until we fell asleep sometime past dawn.

Later, too, the lows that made me want to kill myself were interspersed with highs that felt like dancing on a cloud. He’d scream at me and throw things while I cowered away from him, wondering if this would be the time he’d lose control and throw a punch. But later, he’d shove me against a wall and kiss me and the incredible sexual chemistry we undeniably had would rush to the surface, and I would be powerless to say no.

One day he would tell me I was poison, a curse who destroyed his life the day he met me. The next, he’d tell me I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known, a goddess who had him under a spell. From day to day, I never knew if I’d be an angel or a demon.

The man who reduced me to calling my best friend, sobbing and suicidal, in the middle of the night was the same man I waited for in airports at dawn, just to throw my arms around him when he came through the barrier.

Even when I was in the middle of it, I recognised the rollercoaster. I remember telling friends, “we never do things by halves. It’s either incredible or it’s terrible, there is no middle ground”. Every time a low was low enough that I almost left, a new high would suck me back in. It was like almost dying and then taking a gulp of oxygen. Over and over and over.

It wasn’t all bad. And I wish it had been. Because then I might have left much sooner… or never got involved in the first place.

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this piece, it’s this: maybe don’t ask survivors why they didn’t leave earlier. Our reasons are personal, complex, nuanced, and our own. We don’t have to justify it to you or to anyone. For me? I stayed for so long because it wasn’t all bad. Until the day it was.

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I wrote this piece for Quote Quest, a new weekly meme by Little Switch Bitch. Click the button to see what everyone else wrote! And if today’s piece resonated with you, you can always buy me a coffee to say thanks!

I Don’t Want Children (and That Doesn’t Mean There’s Anything Wrong with Me)

I don’t want children.

I think I was about seventeen the first time I uttered that sentence out loud. My partner at the time and I had discussed how many children we’d have someday, and what their names would be. Because that’s what you did when you were in a loving relationship, wasn’t it? Get married, buy a house, get a dog, then have children.

But at some point I realised that parenthood didn’t fit with the vision I had for myself of my future. I wanted to write books, I wanted to travel the world, I wanted to adopt animals and make a home with my partner. But could I see myself as a mother? Every time I thought about it, it just didn’t fit.

“I don’t think I want children,” I said to my partner. He shrugged – he hadn’t really cared one way or the other and had mostly assumed we’d have kids some day because he assumed I’d want them.

Think of the (hypothetical) children!

I think the next time I said it was when I was starting to tell people I was in a polyamorous relationship with my now-ex and his wife.

“How is that going to affect your children someday?” people asked me with a sniff of disapproval.

“I don’t want children, so it’s irrelevant,” I replied.

This statement was really far too much for a lot of people to cope with. I was told I’d change my mind, that I was too young to know, that it wasn’t fair to these completely hypothetical unborn not-even-conceived children for me to choose not to have them. That I should give up the life that made me happy to have kids I didn’t want. I was even told it was unfair to the hypothetical future husband people assumed I’d end up with one day.

Being upfront about it

I’ve always been very upfront about my complete lack of maternal instincts to partners when we start getting serious. I don’t want to spend years with someone only to find that our life goals are incompatible!

I’ve also always been very clear with anyone I have sex with, when the topic of birth control comes up, that an unintended pregnancy will end in a hasty abortion (and that this is not up for debate.)

“But how do you know? Won’t you regret it?”

How do I know this is what I want? I know because every time I allow myself to imagine being a parent, I am filled with an immediate and visceral feeling of “NOPE.”

Can I absolutely guarantee I won’t regret it someday? Of course not. But I think it’s tremendously unlikely, given how much I generally love my life as it is. Despite being constantly told that I’ll end up alone, I don’t see how that is possible when I have loving partners, a supportive family, and amazing friends. And honestly, is some vague fear of being alone in the future a good reason to bring a new life into this world? I don’t think it is.

If I pushed myself to become a parent out of some misguided sense of duty or caving to pressure, I think I’d regret that.

Late last year, my nesting partner Mr CK had a vasectomy. My risk of unintended pregnancy was pretty low already (all bow before the mighty Mirena!) but that decision just removed any doubt or possibility of birth-control failure. When it was done, all I felt was this overwhelming, searing relief. No lingering “what ifs?” or sadness for what might have been. Just, thank goddess, that’s one less thing to worry about.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I just think there’s something deeply wrong with women who don’t want children.” I can’t remember the precise context in which I heard this statement, now, but I still remember the sentiment. And it’s everywhere.

Maybe it’s not usually so explicit. But the implied-or-directly-asked question again and again and fucking again is always some variation on, “what’s wrong with you?”

Nothing is wrong with me. I’m not broken. This decision isn’t the result of some unresolved trauma. I’m not missing a piece of my heart. I’m not selfish, I’m not filled with hatred for parents or children, and I’m not incapable of love. I just… don’t want to be a mother.

And there’s nothing wrong with that, or with me.

I’m moderating comments on this one, hateful ones won’t get through. Anything you can say – that I’m a failure as a woman, that I’ll regret it, that I’ll die homeless and alone with seventeen cats – I’ve heard before and I’m done arguing with. Be nice!

Three Presents I Bought Myself During Lockdown

CW: spending money on non-essential things

I love giving presents. Though gifts isn’t my top love language, it’s definitely one I enjoy indulging every now and then. Finding something that is perfect for someone and seeing their eyes light up when I give it to them is a treat. And just occasionally, I also enjoy buying presents for myself.

So just for fun today, I thought it’d be fun to tell you guys about three presents I’ve bought myself since lockdown started in March, and the stories behind them.

Unicorn pole shoes

I started pole dancing in early 2019 and it changed my life. The studio is closed right now and classes on indefinite hiaitus, and I absolutely miss it like hell. I miss the physicality of it, the urge to push my body just one step further and the pain that feels so fucking good. I miss being half-naked in a room of body-positive babes of all shapes and sizes, celebrating what our bodies can do rather than how they look.

So, in honour of pole and all it’s given me and how excited I am to get back upside down as soon as it’s safe to do so, here are the utterly bonkers and utterly perfect shoes I bought myself for my birthday in June:

Doxy Die Cast

This is a sex blog, so this list wouldn’t be complete without at least one mention of a sex toy, would it?

When I saw that my friend Little Switch Bitch was having a clear-out of some sex toys, I couldn’t resist purchasing the beautiful purple Doxy Die Cast. Just look at it! Is it not the most gorgeous sex toy you have ever seen?

The Die Cast is not just a pretty face, either. This beast of a toy is all power, all rumble, and my clit’s new best friend.

Check out my full review here.

The Doxy Die Cast, a deep purple wand vibrator with a large black silicone head.
Image: Lovehoney

Stationery Subscription Box

Anyone who has spent a lot of time with me knows about my stationery addiction. I can’t resist buying gorgeous notebooks, fancy pens, journals, stickers, and all manner of paper bits and bobs, even when I don’t need them.

So when I spotted a special deal on Papergang subscription boxes by Ohh Deer, I figured I’d try it out. I expected to just get one and then cancel, but I loved them so much that I’ve kept my subscription. The fun, quirky designs are by a different independent artist each month and they’ve been brightening up my home office no end.

Papergang box being pushed through a letterbox. For a post about presents I bought myself in lockdown.
Image: Papergang by Ohh Deer

So there you have it: three of the presents I bought myself during lockdown that have been bringing me joy. Have you treated yourself to anything lovely recently?

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[Quote Quest] Sex-Positive Spaces and Fragile Freedom

“Raise a glass to freedom,
Something they can never take away.”

– Lin-Manuel Miranda (“The Story of Tonight” from Hamilton)

Despite everything I’ve achieved with this site and the work I do surrounding it, I don’t get to be quite so outspokenly sex-positive as I am on here out in my daily life.

I do what I can, of course. I’m unapologetically feminist and openly queer, and will call out shitty behaviour when it’s safe to do so. But there’s a level of inhibition that doesn’t exist in the same way when I’m Amy Norton, Sex Blogger and Sex Positive Badass Extraordinaire.

I miss sex-positive spaces

For obvious reasons (no, I’m still not saying that particular C-word on my blog,) I haven’t been in any physical sex-positives spaces in months. No dungeons, play parties, orgies, wild nights, or sleepy morning threesomes. I haven’t even seen my secondary partner in close to six months.

I miss the filthy sex, of course. I miss the naked bodies and the kisses and the fucking and the “ooh, whose hand is that!?” But more than that, I miss the cuddles. The flashes of a grin from across a bed, the catch of the eyes with my partner that means “our life is fucking awesome.”

I miss the safety most of all. The freedom. The ability to be completely and wholly myself, unapologetic and raw and real. A place where my queerness will be celebrated, not looked upon with suspicion. A place where being a kinky feminist submissive polyamorous swinger is a beautiful thing, not a threat to fragile male egos or straight people’s marriages or the fabric of society itself.

So no, I don’t think it’s frivolous to be said that I haven’t been able to attend an orgy or a dungeon in months. Because what I’m really missing is something we all want: acceptance. Community. Connection.

Sexual freedom is fragile

Those of us who do work in this space have always known that, of course. There will always be far-right campaigners and religious fundamentalists and conversative politicians trying to take away the rights of consenting adults to do their thing.

Now more than ever, we cannot afford to take our sex-positive spaces for granted. We cannot take the freedom we have for granted. Losing access to those spaces for the last few months for public health reasons has thrown a new light on just how important – how essential – they are.

Our sex-positive spaces – our kink clubs, private parties, swinger socials, munches – give us the freedom to be ourselves. They give us a place where no-one thinks who we are and how we love is wrong. And that? That is worth fighting for.

I am glad I didn’t know that the play event I went to in March, where Mr CK and I played next to a gorgeous couple I’ve crushed on for ages, would be the last one for who-knew-how-long. I’m glad I have that memory of one last normal, kinky, filthy Sunday afternoon before everything went to shit.

I just hope we can have more of that soon.

Quote Quest badge, for a post about sexual freedom and sex-positive spaces.

This piece was written for Quote Quest, a new weekly meme by Little Switch Bitch, and this week’s quote was submitted by Yours Truly. Click the button to see who else was inspired by it! And if today’s piece resonated with you, you can always buy me a coffee to say thanks!

[Nightwear Review] Lovehoney Cherry Blossom Cami Set

I deliberated whether to define this set as lingerie, but ultimately decided it fell better into the category of nightwear. Which I’ve never reviewed before. Exciting! Today we’re looking at the Lovehoney Cherry Blossom Cami Set.

I loved this set the moment my contact at Lovehoney sent me the pictures ahead of the release date. It was just so pretty that I knew I needed to own it. Let’s see how the reality matched up.

First impressions

The Cherry Blossom Cami Set is so gorgeous and feminine. I love the delicate floral pattern, the pretty lace edging, and the colour that reminds me of the sky on a summer day.

Me wearing the Lovehoney Cherry Blossom Cami Set

The thin cross-straps leave your upper back on display for an extra little bit of sex appeal.

Soft and Silky…

Nightwear should be comfortable first and foremost. So I was pleased to find that this set is made of lovely, soft satin. It feels luxurious to wear, and my partner enjoyed stroking it, too!

The lace is also nice and soft, not at all scratchy. I usually avoid lace on nightwear because it can be a sensory nightmare, but this lace is soft enough to get away with it.

Fit

This set comes in Small, Medium and Large sizes. There’s also an identical plus-size version. I got the Large, which corresponds to a 14/16 in UK sizes. I wear a 14 in most clothing brands these days.

The bottoms fit beautifully. The waistband is elasticated, making them suitable for the range of body shapes that fall into this size bracket.

Me wearing the Lovehoney Cherry Blossom Cami Set

The straps on the top are adjustable, allowing you to make them shorter or longer to fit you properly. Sadly, the back band on the top is not stretchy and I found it just a little too tight to be completely comfortable. If, like me, you prefer your nightwear to fit more loosely, I recommend going one size up from your usual.

It doesn’t cover an awful lot in the chest department if, like me, you have huge boobs. I don’t quite fall out of it, but it certainly leaves little to the imagination!

The Cherry Blossom Cami Set is easy to put on and take off. Just make sure the cross-straps are in the right place so you don’t get tangled up when you pull it over your head!

Care & Cleaning

The Cherry Blossom Cami Set is hand-wash only. Use a bowl of warm (not hot) water and some gentle detergent. Alternatively, the hand-wash setting on your washing machine will be fine if you put the items in a protective washing bag.

The satin material snags very, very easily. For that reason, I recommend storing your Cami Set out of the way of anything scratchy or sharp (bra clasps are THE WORST for this.) You could also keep it in a lingerie bag for extra protection.

Final thoughts

This set is beautiful. The cherry blossom pattern is gorgeous and the blue satin is soft and luxurious to wear. I’ll probably only wear the top for sexy purposes rather than comfortable nightwear purposes due to the fit issue, but I can definitely see myself wearing the bottoms for lazing around the house (and even sleeping, on the rare occasions that I don’t sleep naked.)

Me wearing the Lovehoney Cherry Blossom Cami Set

The Cherry Blossom Cami Set retails for £29.99 at Lovehoney. While youre there, check out the whole range!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this set to review! Affiliate links appear in this post. All views, as always, are my own. If you enjoy my reviews, buying through my affiliates or buying me a coffee helps keep the blog going.