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[Better Sex Products Review] Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex Part 1

“No fiction, no acting, no judgements, no comparisons, no fear, no guilt nor shame” – so begins the Bijoux Indiscrets “Slow Sex” manifesto, which adorns the packaging of each product in the Slow Sex range of better sex products. And it’s a message I can get behind.

Of course, sex is complicated. Fear, judgement and shame are very real for too many of us. I experience them all the time, even (especially?) as someone who makes a living talking openly about sex on the internet. And it’s going to take far more than a fun hashtag or a range of products to fully tackle the deep, systemic issues that allow sexual shame to run rampant.

Even so, in a world where so many companies (even purportedly sex-positive companies) profit from shame and stigma, I’m glad to see an adult retailer encouraging people to move away from these destructive ideas and towards more authentic pleasure.

I received a selection of items from the Slow Sex range to try out. So I can give each product the focus it deserves, I’m going to tackle these mini reviews in two posts.

Slow Sex Range: General Impressions

Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex banner

I received 5 full-size Slow Sex products, plus a couple of sample sizes. Each full-size item comes nicely presented in cardboard packaging (points for minimising single-use plastic!) The packaging is beautifully designed, featuring artistic close-ups of body parts (mouths, fingers, nipples) and sometimes floral motifs.

Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex boxes

The Slow Sex range also doesn’t use any gendered marketing! Each product is described by referencing body parts and sex acts, without ascribing gender to them. It sounds like a small thing, but simply writing “the clitoris” instead of “her clitoris”, or “use it on your partner” rather than “use it on your man”, makes sexuality product marketing so much more inclusive. Other retailers, take note!

With the exception of the oral sex strips, all the Slow Sex products I tried have a strong and distinctive coconut aroma. I enjoy the smell and taste of coconut, so this was fine. But if you don’t, it’s something to be aware of as the scent is pretty noticeable and does tend to hang around after you’ve finished playing!

Slow Sex Clitoral Balm

Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex clit balm

The Slow Sex product I was most excited to try was the clitoral balm, so naturally that’s where I went first.

The Slow Sex Clitoral Balm comes in a little 10ml tube. Since you really only need a little bit to get the effect, a small tube will last you a while.

Slow Sex Clitoral Balm contains a pretty long list of ingredients, so check it carefully if you’re allergic or sensitive to anything. There’s nothing in the ingredients that immediately strikes me as problematic (e.g. parabens). I did some Googling of the ingredients I wasn’t familiar with, and found nothing concerning. It does contain glycerin, but for an external-only product that you use in tiny amounts, that won’t be a problem for most people.

Honestly, I was underwhelmed by the clitoral balm. I really wanted to love it, especially as I’ve tried and loved various similar products in the past, but it just didn’t do much for me. I got a slight warming sensation, which was pleasant enough, but it didn’t really enhance sensitivity or give me any noticeable increase in pleasure. If you enjoy warming lubes, this is a slight step up from that, and you might enjoy it.

I’ll probably finish this tube, but I’m unlikely to buy it again.

Slow Sex Clitoral Balm retails for €16.95. According to Bijoux, it’s compatible with all toy types and with latex barriers.

Slow Sex Finger Play Gel

Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex finger play gel

The Slow Sex Finger Play Gel is basically a water-based lube designed for external use, particularly for fingering or hand-jobs. It contains just a few ingredients, of which the main ones are glycerin, water, and aloe vera leaf juice. Given the high glycerin concentration, don’t use this one inside your vagina, as this can cause yeast infections.

The Finger Play Gel is a lovely, thick lubricant. It lasts well, and a little goes a long way. Its thick texture and slipperiness make it perfect for hand sex. Due to the glycerin, it does feel a bit sticky after a while, but it’s easy to clean up with warm water and soap. After use, my skin felt soft and moisturised, probably thanks to the aloe. It has a pleasant, subtly sweet taste.

Slow Sex Finger Play Gel retails for €16.95. With just 30ml in a tube, it’s pretty pricey, but it should last you a while. Slow Sex Finger Play Gel is condom-compatible and suitable to use with all toy materials.

Slow Sex Nipple Play Gel

Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex nipple play gel

The Slow Sex Nipple Play Gel comes in a little 10ml glass tube with a roller ball applicator. Simply apply a little to your nipples, and then play as you normally would. The gel gives a subtle cooling, tingling sensation.

I found that the Nipple Play Gel slightly heightened sensitivity. When I applied it then went about my day, it made me more aware of my nipples – and particularly the feel of them against my clothing – than I’d normally be. Potentially fun if you want to heighten your arousal throughout the day. I found that one application lasted about an hour.

It also increases sensitivity if you’re doing nipple play with hands, toys, or clamps. But this stuff really comes into its own when combined with oral nipple stimulation. The cool gel combined with a warm mouth makes everything feel much more intense. And since the gel has a sweet taste, it’s not unpleasant for the giver, either! (Assuming they like coconut.)

The Slow Sex Nipple Play Gel is water-based and does not contain any ingredients that are toxic or problematic for topical use. It’s easy to wash off when you’re done and leaves a gentle coconutty smell on the skin.

Slow Sex Nipple Play Gel retails for €16.95.

Some interesting and fun products so far! Stay tuned for part 2 coming next week.

[Guest Post] Being a Submissive with ADHD by Redridingbrat

While I don’t have an actual diagnosis of ADHD, I’ve long felt that it’s something I very likely have at least to some degree. Whenever I see any ADHD content, from medical information to memes, I find myself going “yep, it me”. So I wasn’t altogether surprised when I also found this piece from my friend Redridingbrat (she/her) deeply relatable.

I feel very strongly that kink is for all consenting adults who want to engage in it. Many of the images we see online and in the media are reductive, exclusionary, and harmful. That’s why it’s so important to me to represent a diversity of experiences on this blog. To that end, I’m thrilled to bring you this piece from RRB on ADHD and submission.

As always, you can help me to pay more lovely guest writers by chipping in via the tip jar.

Amy x

Being a Submissive with ADHD by Redridingbrat

What comes to mind when you think of the perfect submissive?

Perhaps it is someone who is entirely focused on their Dominant, able to follow the rules and pre-emptively do whatever their Dominant might desire.

How does this change when you have ADHD?

ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is a medical condition that affects the way a person thinks and acts. This often presents as someone being inattentive, hyperactive, and impulsive – three things that can often clash with the pop culture view of submission. As a submissive with ADHD, I have had to work with my Dominant to make sure that my submission isn’t adversely affected by my ADHD.

One of the ways inattention in ADHD can affect a D/s dynamic is forgetfulness. Forgetting rules, forgetting tasks, forgetting where things have been placed… not something that is in the picture-perfect view of a “sub”! Thankfully, this is something this can be easily accommodated. Having the rules written up and displayed somewhere is a straightforward way of not relying on the memory. Having things placed in see through or open containers lets you quickly see where they are. A long-term solution is to have your Dominant help you create habits, so you do not need to remember a thing.

Another annoying symptom of ADHD is being prone to distraction. Sitting in a corner with no stimulation is my personal idea of hell. It isn’t just me who can suffer as a result of this, though; losing interest in an activity halfway through a scene can very quickly make a Dominant feel like they failed at a scene, and make the submissive then feel guilty for not being able to concentrate. This does not have an easy fix but there are things that help. Doing shorter activities can do wonders, as this gives less chances for the brain to wander off. Sensory deprivation can also help as it can force the submissive to focus on their other senses. The biggest things that can help are open communication and being self-aware. By letting your Dominant know when you are having a bad day focusing, you can reassure each other that neither is at fault when focus issues arise.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, another symptom of ADHD is hyperfocus; getting so consumed by a task that everything else is ignored. When a task is interrupted by something else, it can be extremely hard to bring yourself out of the task and into the new thing, regardless of how urgent it may be. In extreme cases, this can lead to ignoring the need to drink or use the toilet for hours on end. One thing my Dominant has found to help with this is simply asking “when will this be done?”, helping me to verbalise what done looks like as well as giving me a subconscious queue to start bringing myself out of the task. Having a set routine and structure also helps with this as it ensures that my body becomes accustomed to performing certain activities at certain time, with an external check (my Dominant) making sure it is adhered to.

Another symptom of ADHD that is often overlooked is internal motivation. I can often sit in “standby mode”, endlessly scrolling social media whilst given tasks go unfulfilled. Part of this is that a larger task can be overwhelming if not broken down into smaller steps, making it physically uncomfortable to get started. Something that can really help prevent situations like this is breaking a large task down into multiple smaller parts, while also being clear about what signifies completion of each part. For example, “make yourself presentable for me” can be broken down into: “Go shower, style your hair into a high ponytail, put on a full face of makeup with red lipstick, and wear the red underwear. I want these tasks to be complete by 5pm”. Rewards-based dynamics are also excellent for those who require the internal motivation to be turned external. Extra orgasms for doing a large task? Yes please!

Whilst I have spoken at length about the challenges of having ADHD, it does come with a number of positives too. Those of us with ADHD often excel when in “crisis mode”, meaning we can be very good if something goes wrong in a scene. ADHD folks are also creative in our problem solving, making us the perfect people to do puzzle-based tasks or mend broken toys. And ADHD people can also be more adventurous, making us the perfect partner for trying new activities in the bedroom.

ADHD can make submission hard. It breaks many of the pre-conceived notions of what a “good submissive” looks like. Someone who is forgetful, distractable, and hard to self-motivate is not the “ideal” that is written about in popular literature. However, there are things that can help overcome the barriers that may come up in a D/s dynamic. The main thing to remember is that D/s is not one size fits all. You can customise and change how your relationship looks. You are not a failure if it does not look like the glamorised novels. Anyone can be a submissive. All you need to do is identify as one and find someone who adores you and your style.

Redridingbrat is a switchy brat who loves nothing more than to engage her submissive side. Her main experiences involve rope, D/s and discussions surrounding disability within the kink community.

[Guest Post] Giving Thanks for Sex by Ness Cooper

It’s the season of giving thanks and being grateful! That’s also the theme of today’s guest post by sex and relationships consultant and writer, Ness Cooper (she/her). This one gave me lots to think about and I hope it will for you, too.

Amy x

Giving Thanks for Sex by Ness Cooper

In a sweaty mess, he rolled over and as he looked into my eyes and kissed me, he uttered two words that shocked me: “Thank you”.

Mentally mumbling in my head and set-back from the intimate headspace we were just in, I didn’t know how to respond. Part of me wanted to say that I don’t accept thanks for sex. It was the first time anyone had said thank you to me after sex, and I really didn’t know how to take it.

Part of me wanted to have a go at him for being silly because really, he shouldn’t have to say thanks for something we were both enjoying mutually. But upon reflection, I realised how rare it had been over my sexual and romantic life, that someone had ever thanked me for intimacy. And it made me realise how rare it was to be thanked for doing anything in my past relationships, from thoughtful plans to romantic tasks, and even gift-giving.

Had I just gotten used to bad relationships? The answer probably is yes, as those matches haven’t lasted, and obviously there were good reasons for them to end.

To make things even more interesting, I have been teaching couples to say thank you to each other for over 10 years, including after sex as part of aftercare. So I shouldn’t have been surprised that one day someone would actually say it to me, but I found myself in that very situation.

Saying thank you whilst sharing vulnerability can be hard to process as we’re both in a vulnerable state post-sex. It can feel natural to be on your guard when things happen that you’re not used to. But thanking someone post-romp generally isn’t an expression that has hidden intentions or anything to worry about, it’s someone being vulnerable with you and thanking you for being vulnerable with them.

Thinking about it more, I realised that I had always been led to believe certain things around sex were just expected, whilst a lot of the time teaching people that we shouldn’t expect sex a certain way. I think:

  1. I had always been taught that sex is something we should do but not talk about.
  2. That there’s a certain standard to sex and even when reached we don’t get praise for it – just like many other roles in society that are expected, sadly.
  3. That we sometimes feel we should be “British” and be ashamed of receiving things from others or sharing vulnerability in any form.
  4. If it’s good, you’re lucky, and you should be grateful.

These are the main factors I was led to believe from my upbringing and poor sex and relationship education. And even though I fight against these things regularly when teaching sex and relationship education, I hadn’t really been faced with them in my day-to-day life until I was thanked for sex.

Yet, we should be thanking each other for having a good time together. As long as that time is enjoyable and consensual, the context of the intimacy shouldn’t matter. If it was important to you, and the other person or people showed you things that had meaning to you then, then saying “thank you” to them could mean so much to them even if it’s a casual encounter.

I’ve seen people challenge thanking intimacy in the past as it can make it feel like a transaction. Even over the many years, I have engaged in sex work, being thanked by clients for services is rare. We’ve partly come to expect sex, no matter what format it is offered, free, paid, or a mutual exchange. And from that expectation of just thinking we have a right for it like many other things, we have forgotten to say thank you and apricate that vulnerability someone has to others or share with us.

It’s also worth noting that it’s not just paid services and gifts we should thank people for, but we should thank people more often for other ways in which they influence our lives positively. It may sound a bit like Charles Dickens here, but when did money have to exchange hands for us to be thankful for something?

I may have gotten used to people I dated acting a certain way, and when someone changed that dating script I had been so used to, it made me realise that I didn’t have to keep following the same routine. It can be really hard to change dating patterns, even when we want them to change, and this can also make it harder for us to accept those changes when they do happen. I now know from my own experience that accepting and being able to go-with-the-flow during these changes can take time. Making sure you make room for them in your life for the things you have wanted and needed deep down can make a big difference to your sexual wellbeing.

So I end this article of reflection by giving thanks to that person who taught me that yes, you really can say “thank you” when sex is involved.

Ness Cooper is a Sexologist who works as a Sex and Relationship Coach and writer at The Sex Consultant www.thesexconsultant.com. She also writes sex toy reviews at www.nymphomaniacness.com

[Lingerie Review] Fifty Shades of Grey Captivate Black Flocked Mesh Harness Body

Today’s review is of another offering from Lovehoney’s Captivate Fifty Shades of Grey lingerie and sex toys collection. This line has put out some real hits and a few (for me) misses, so I was excited to try one of the newest pieces in the range. Let’s take a closer look at the Captivate Mesh Harness Body…

Captivate Black Flocked Mesh Harness Body: Details and First Impressions

The Captivate Mesh Harness Body is actually a two-piece set, featuring a slip-on one-piece body and an elasticated harness. Though designed to be worn together, you could easily wear them separately. You could also mix and match, as the harness would pair well with many bodysuits, basques, or bra-and-knickers sets.

Woman in black harness body from Lovehoney Fifty Shades of Grey lingerie Christmas lingerie range

The sheer body is made of a semi see-through mesh with a flocked patterned section on either side of the deep V neck. It’s made of a blend of polyester, nylon, and elastane, with a 100% cotton gusset (much healther for your vagina!) It closes behind the neck in a halterneck style, and is backless from the waist up.

The accompanying harness is made up of thick black straps (a nylon/elastane blend) with gold coloured fastenings and adornments. It fastens around your neck in a collar style, and has a central strap running down the centre of your body and between your breasts. Three narrower bands form a waist-accentuating belt, and then lead down to garter-style thigh straps.

Leg garters, part of BDSM bodyharness

When I took the Captivate Harness Body out of its packaging, I had two initial thoughts. The first was “oh, this is pretty!” The second was “how the hell am I going to get into this thing?” There are a lot of straps and fastenings!

Fetish-Inspired Glam

The Captivate Harness Body clearly draws inspiration from some of the common aesthetics of BDSM. Interestingly, it does not strike me as something that the demure, inexperienced, and not-actually-into-BDSM Fifty Shades heroine Anastasia would wear (disclaimer: I only read the first book, so maybe the Ana of later in the series would…?)

Woman in black bodyharness, Fifty Shades Captivate mesh harness body

The black strapping and O-rings make a strong statement and elevate this piece from a pretty but fairly generic body to a bold BDSM-inspired look. Lovehoney’s model holds matching floggers and is standing in a pose that suggests Femdom to me, but this outfit definitely speaks to my submissive heart. Perhaps it’s the collar neck or the way the straps feel a little like being in a gentle variation of bondage? These things only carry the meaning we give them, of course, so your mileage may vary.

I love the shape of this set when I wear both pieces together. The harness’s waistband creates a beautiful silhouette and the deep V-neck is great for those of us with a lot of cleavage. The patterned mesh is also utterly gorgeous (and, hilariously, reminds me of the wallpaper in my favourite fetish venue…)

Flocked mesh, part of Lovehoney lingerie harness bodysuit set

Fit and Comfort

The bodysuit part of this set is a breeze to get into. Just step in and secure the halterneck as tight as you’d like it. If you have large boobs, like me, I recommend doing it up a little tighter to help keep them inside the suit! The harness is a little trickier. This does require some patience and to make sure everything is in the right place. I recommend fastening the waistband in front of your body first. Spin it around so the closure is at the back, do the collar next, then finally the legs.

The body is somewhat stretchy, and the halterneck part is adjustable. I ordered a medium, and it fits my size 10/12 body well. The harness is extremely adjustable in pretty much all the places, so you should be able to get a good fit with a bit of tweaking. Once you’ve got it sorted, putting it on the next time is much easier as most of the adjustments stay put when you take it off. This set is available in sizes from UK 6 up to UK 28.

The Captivate Harness Body set is free from wires and the material is lovely and soft, making it comfortable enough to wear all night. I also really appreciate the fact that it offers proper butt coverage and is not a thong!

The only downside is a minor one, and it’s that the three straps of the waistband tend to bunch together and twist. This means I have to manually untangle and adjust them every so often. Shortening the straps that connect the waistband to the leg garters helps, but does not entirely mitigate this problem.

Lovehoney Fifty Shades lingerie harness body
Close-up of the waistband

Verdict

Absolutely gorgeous! The Captivate Harness Body set has grown on me the more I’ve worn it. It’s the kind of thing I’d wear to a night at the dungeon or a party with some likeminded kinky friends. My play partner has also expressed a fondness for this one, so I expect it might be getting an outing sometime soon…

The Captivate Mesh Harness Body set retails for £44.99 ($54.99 US).

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Fifty Shades of Grey Captivate Mesh Harness Body to review. All views and pictures, as always, are mine. Shopping with my affiliate links sends a small commission my way and helps to keep the blog going at no additional cost to you!

How Wand Vibrators Helped Me Reclaim My Sexuality When Antidepressants Killed It

I’ve been on antidepressants for the majority of my adult life, in three separate stints (having come off them most recently earlier this year). I’m very pro medication for those who need it which, at the times I was taking it, I absolutely did. I’m not exaggerating when I say that those meds saved my life on more than one occasion.

Wand vibrators - Honey Wand from Honey Play Box
Honey Wand by Honey Play Box

But like any medications, antidepressants often have side effects, which can range in severity from mildly annoying to seriously debilitating. One of the worst side effects I experienced on two out of the three antidepressants I tried was a significant change to my sexuality. This manifested in different ways on each drug.

On Fluoxetine (Prozac), I pretty much lost my sex drive entirely for months. Anything that had been pleasurable just felt like… nothing. This wasn’t limited to sex, either – I also lost my appetite and all ability to derive pleasure from food. On Citalopram, I lost my ability to orgasm while my body adjusted to the meds. While this did have some pleasant results (particularly discovering that I have an orgasm denial kink), it was also upsetting and frustrating. Feeling like I had no control over my body and like I’d lost one of my greatest sources of pleasure was so damaging that I seriously considered coming off the meds that were otherwise helping with my depression.

Trying Sex Toys

The first time antidepressants killed my sex life, I was so thoroughly miserable (both from the depression and from the side effects of the meds) that I wasn’t even interested in reclaiming it. I’m pretty sure I didn’t have sex or masturbate for about nine months at one stage. In hindsight, this probably made things even worse, because my sexuality has always been one of the key ways that I access pleasure and joy. At that time, I didn’t own any sex toys, and any touch from either myself or my partner left me cold.

The second time was a different matter, though. This time, the antidepressants actually took the edge off the worst of the sadness and hopelessness, and I still wanted sex. I just couldn’t orgasm, either with my partner or by myself. Though orgasm is not necessarily the goal of sex, this quickly became frustrating and then enraging. I felt like my body was betraying me. Like I had to choose between having a properly functioning brain and a satisfying sex life.

The turning point came when my then-partner pulled out a wand vibrator after about a month of this issue. That thing finally broke through the orgasm block. And, once that dam broke, it became easier and easier to get there again. I invested in a wand for myself pretty quickly after that, and it became my go-to toy.

Breaking Through the Depression-Haze

Even now, when I’m not currently on any psychiatric medication (though I accept I might be again in the future), I’m most likely to reach for my wand vibes when I’m in the middle of a bad depression funk. Contrary to popular belief, it’s still possible to feel horny at the same time as being depressed. Sad people need pleasure and orgasms, too! There have also been times when I haven’t felt horny, but I knew intellectually that an orgasm would make me feel better.

Sometimes, when I’m very very depressed, I feel as though there’s a kind of fog around me. The fog keeps me at least partly disconnected from everything and everyone around me. At its worst, it creates a sense of being somewhat outside and detached from my own body. In this state, many types of touch that would normally be pleasurable struggle to penetrate the fog. When that happens, I need intense stimulation and lots of it. It’s times like this that I might crave certain BDSM activities even more than usual. It’s also times like this when knock-your-socks-off powerful wand vibes are a Godsend.

The thing with my favourite wand vibes is that ultimately, they can wrench an orgasm from my body with very little active input from me. This has a lot of fun potential (forced orgasm scenes anyone?) It’s also extremely useful during periods of significant depression. If I want to orgasm at my own or a partner’s hand, or with a lower powered toy, it can be fun but often requires significant effort, mentally if not physically. With a powerful enough wand, I basically just put it in the right spot and wait for the orgasm to happen. In this way, I can access pleasure and the positive physical and mental health benefits of orgasm even when I feel so low I don’t want to leave my bed.

Sexual Pleasure Matters

When someone is dealing with severe health issues, either physical or mental, it’s often tempting to see sexual pleasure as trivial. Certainly when I spoke to my doctor about the side effects of my various medications, they dismissed my concerns. Did I want to be able to orgasm or did I want to not be sad? Because I couldn’t have both.

Except I actually could, and I needed and deserved to have both.

If you’re struggling with pleasure or orgasm due to health issues and medication, I want you to hear this: sexual pleasure matters! It’s not trivial and it’s not unimportant. If it’s important to you, then it matters. And you deserve to have what you need to feel sexually satisfied – whether that’s a change of medication, a super powerful vibrator, or just to change up what you’re doing.

Thanks to Honey Play Box for sponsoring this post. All views and experiences are my own!

[Lingerie Review] Fifty Shades of Grey Captivate Wine Chiffon Plunge Body

It will never cease to amaze me that there exists, out there in the world, an actual published book that contains this line describing a pair of knickers:

“Wow, they feel… slinky… and kind of hot… yeah.”

– Fifty Shades Darker

Further, it will never cease to amaze me that the book containing the above line, and the rest of its series, have collectively made hundreds of millions of dollars.

Still, despite its problematic messaging and dubious writing, the Fifty Shades of Grey series remains ridiculously popular, and new additions to the official Fifty Shades sex toys and lingerie ranges continue to appear. I recently received the Captivate Wine Chiffon Plunge Body from Lovehoney’s Fifty Shades Christmas lingerie collection to try.

Fifty Shades of Grey Captivate Wine Chiffon Plunge Body: First Impressions

The Captivate Wine Chiffon Plunge Body is a beautiful rich red one-piece. The bottom half is pretty floral lace, then it nips in with an elasticated waist (adorned with a gold Fifty Shades charm) and the top half is ultra soft and floaty semi-sheer chiffon. It ties in a halter-neck style at the nape of the neck, and features poppers at the crotch for easy opening and closing.

Lovehoney Captivate chiffon plunge body from Fifty Shades of Grey lingerie range

The fabric is a polyester/polyamide/elastane blend, but the gusset is 100% cotton. This is good news for us folks with vaginas, as wearing manmade fibres in that area can cause issues such as yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and and other vaginal problems. (Source).

I’m immediately in love with the gorgeous colour and the softness of the fabric. Even before I wriggled into it, I had a feeling this one was going to be a hit.

Comfort and Fit

The Captivate Wine Chiffon Plunge Body is unwired and easy to put on. Simply step in, pull it up, and tie it as tightly or loosely as you like. If tying things behind your neck is tricky or impossible for you, you might need someone else to help with this one. Pro tip: if, like me, you’re large busted, tying it slightly tighter will help your boobs to stay inside the garment instead of popping out!

Woman in red lingerie, Christmas lingerie from Lovehoney

Lovehoney’s advertising copy sells this as “comfortable enough to sleep in”. While I think that’s really overselling it (no-one is actually sleeping in this thing, surely?) it is pretty damn comfortable. The soft fabric is pleasant to wear, the waistband isn’t too tight, and it doesn’t have any wires or scratchy parts.

I received the Captivate Wine Chiffon Plunge Body in a medium, which fits my size 10/12 frame well. It’s available in all sizes from UK 6 to 28 and other reviews likewise indicate that it runs true to size on most people.

As it’s unwired and not tightly fitted, the Captivate Wine Chiffon Plunge Body doesn’t offer much in the way of lift. That’s a definite plus for me (my boobs prefer to be free!) But it’s something to bear in mind if you prefer more structured and supportive pieces.

Fifty Shades of Hot?

(I’m sorry, y’all. Truly).

This piece is absolutely dreamy for me. I love almost everything – the cut, the colour, the fit, the fabric. The contrast between the figure-hugging bottom half and the looser top half is ideal for me (I love my butt and waist and am less confident about my large boobs). The floaty, drapey chiffon gives a fun and flirtatious look, and the lace is glamorously feminine.

Verdict

This is my favourite new piece of lingerie I’ve received in a long time. It’s such a fabulous colour and makes me look and feel gorgeously femme. Though it’ll look great all year round, the red is particularly suited to the festive season.

It also arrives packaged in a branded Fifty Shades bag, which is great for gifting (watch out for this one appearing in my Christmas Gift Guide this weekend!)

The Captivate Wine Chiffon Plunge Body retails for £44.99 ($54.99 US).

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this piece to review. Affiliate links appear within this post. All views and pictures are, as ever, mine.

[Lingerie Review] Lovehoney Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie

Content note: this post makes a brief mention of intentional weight loss. Please skip this one if that’s likely to be triggering for you!

I’m extremely into corsetry, basques, and everything else in that general category of products. I love how they make my body – my waist, my boobs, my hips – look and how sexy I feel in them. Lovehoney kindly sent me the Black Lace Waspie from their new Twilight Rose Christmas lingerie collection.

In case you don’t know, a waspie is essentially a shorter under-bust corset. Obviously it varies slightly depending on your body, but on me, the top of the waspie hits an inch or so under my breasts.

Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie: First Impressions

I took this one out of the packaging during a lingerie try-on session with Mr CK, the purpose of which was to choose an outfit for a party we were attending. When I saw the Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie, the first thing I said was “this is something that 18-year-old goth Amy would have gone mad over!”

Lovehoney black lace waspie from Christmas lingerie range

The Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie is made of “microfibre”, in this case a synthetic blend of polyester and elastane, as well as mesh and lace, with ribbon trims. The microfibre parts feel soft to the touch, while the lace is a little coarser (though not problematically so, at least for my skin). Its structure is supported by six plastic bones. It is adorned with a wide band around the waist, red and black lace panels, and red ribbon detailing as well as a little gold Lovehoney heart. It comes with four removeable suspenders so you can wear stockings with it if you wish.

The Waspie closes with a row of hook-and-eye clasps down the back. Pro tip: put it on backwards and then spin it around once you’ve fastened all the hooks (or ask someone else to do it up for you).

Fit

The Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie is available for UK sizes 6-24. I received the medium (UK 10-12) which is usually a good fit for me. However, the Waspie was actually just a little small when fastened on the loosest setting. It closed, but it looked and felt slightly too tight.

Lovehoney red and black underbust corset Twilight Rose waspie from Christmas lingerie range
Worn with the Serpentine Lace Body.

I’m trying to lose a few pounds at the moment and I think when I’m done, the Waspie will fit beautifully. But if you’re thinking of getting one of these and you’re between sizes or unsure, I’d suggest sizing up for this one.

The plastic boning gives the piece structure and holds it in place, while being less rigid and constricting than the steel bones found in true corsetry. Plastic boned pieces are a good in-between if you want a garment that offers gentle support and shaping, but also enjoy being able to breathe and sit down!

The main thing I’m not sure about is the lace trim at the top, which is 1.5″ wide. On the model pictures, this sits neatly against the skin. On me, though, it tended to bunch up and roll down in a way that I found distracting. If I’m going to wear something, I don’t want to be adjusting it all night.

Aesthetic and Sex Appeal

I do like this piece, overall, despite the slight issue with how it sits on me. The black and red colour combination is a winner, the lace and ribbon detailing is pretty in a goth-femme sort of way, and I like the way the wide band nips in my waist.

Interestingly, wearing the Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie feels a little like stepping back into an earlier version of myself. I’ve moved away from goth style in recent years, not because I no longer love it but simply because I am older and tireder and have more sensory issues that tend to nudge me towards greater comfort. Wearing something I’d have swooned over 10 or 15 years ago is bringing back some memories and reminding me what I loved about those fashions in the first place.

Lovehoney Christmas lingerie Twilight Rose black lace waspie

I doubt I’d wear the Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie by itself, because I don’t like how my naked breasts look over underbust corsets. I’d likely pair it with a floaty shirt, a suitable bra, or even an unwired bodysuit to give the whole ensemble more shape and structure. It’s quite a versatile piece and works just as well as the centrepiece of an outfit as it does as lingerie.

I think I might be wearing it when I go to The Rocky Horror Show with part of my polycule in a few months’ time…

Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie: Verdict

The Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie is a pretty and well-made basque that can function as underwear or outerwear. While the slight issue with the fit and lace trim means I doubt I’ll be wearing it frequently, it’s fun for when I want to let Goth Amy Circa 2008 out to play.

The Twilight Rose Black Lace Waspie retails for a great-value £29.99 ($36.99).

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this piece to review. All views and pictures are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear within this post.

[Toy Review] Agent Provocateur X Lovehoney Rumba Wand Vibrator

I have never owned a single thing made by luxury lingerie brand Agent Provocateur. This is partly due to the fact that they make only a very few bra styles and zero unwired designs in my size (36G in case you were wondering), and partly because I do not live in a world where spending tens or even hundreds of pounds on a pair of knickers is a reasonable financial choice. Even so, every time I am reminded that they exist, I find myself sighing over the pretty things and wishing I was both wealthier and smaller busted.

So naturally, when I saw that Lovehoney had teamed up with Agent Provocateur to create a line of sex toys, I simply had to get my hands on one to try.

Agent Provocateur X Lovehoney Rumba Wand Vibrator

I received the Rumba Wand Vibrator. This silicone wand measures 7″ in length and features a broad, prominent head and flexible neck.

My Rumba Wand Vibrator arrived in an attractive pink box with Lovehoney and Agent Provocateur branding. Inside, the toy sits in a very stylish zip-up leather case with rose gold zip and Agent Provocateur branding. It’s definitely real leather, so that’s something you might want to be aware of if you’re vegan or have ethical objections to leather. Absolutely top marks for stylish and luxurious presentation!

The Rumba Wand Vibrator is coated in super soft, body-safe black silicone. Its handle is firm to the touch, while the head has a nice level of squish. The button panel is the same rose gold as the adornments on the case, and the base of the toy features the Lovehoney heart insignia on one side and the Agent Provocateur logo on the other side.

The Rumba Wand Vibrator is USB rechargeable and waterproof.

In Use

In case you’re new here: hi, I’m Amy and I have a wand vibrator obsession! I collect every type I can get my hands on. I even once did a big compare and contrast (though that’s now woefully out of date, so I should probably do another one). All this to say that I am predisposed to like wands, but I am also very discerning.

So did the Rumba Wand Vibrator pass the test?

First, the good. I love the Rumba’s flexible neck, which allows for easy and comfortable positioning. The ultra squishy dual density silicone of the head also feels lovely. The user interface is simple, with one button to change between the 7 patterns and one button to change between the 3 levels of intensity.

Flexible vibrator, wand massager with bendy neck

There’s also a nifty setting where, if you hold down the bottom button (the one for the patterns), it will switch back to continuous vibration no matter what pattern setting you were on. Pretty useful for people who don’t care for patterns, especially if you accidentally hit the wrong button when trying to change speeds.

So with credit given where it’s due for this toy’s good points, what didn’t I love? The main issue with the Rumba Wand Vibrator is that it’s just not as powerful as I wanted it to be. A rechargeable mini wand vibrator is never going to be as powerful as a mains powered wand, of course. But even taking that into account, the motor was neither as strong nor as rumbly as I would expect from a toy at this price point.

I can orgasm with the Rumba Wand Vibrator if I’m very turned on and at least somewhat patient, but it takes effort. Since I tend to reach for my wand vibes when I want a quick and easy orgasm, I doubt I’ll be using this one regularly.

The battery life isn’t great, either – 45 minutes for a full (2 hour) charge.

Finally, and this is a small issue but it’s really bugging me: the rose gold coating on the button panel is already starting to chip off. It doesn’t affect the functionality of the toy, but I’d expect better from a product with a £110 pricetag and a luxury brand name behind it.

Verdict

I really wanted to love this one more than I actually did.

Though it has some good design points and is clearly made of safe and high quality materials, the Rumba Wand Vibrator falls down in the functionality department with its disappointing, buzzy motor. Considering it retails for £109.99 ($149.99 US), I’d have expected it to pack more of a punch than it did.

If you’re after a basic middling-power wand vibe, it’s fine, but be aware that you’re paying for the brand name as much as anything. You can get a better mini wand, or even the world’s best wand vibrator, for less money.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Orgazmic Waterproof Clitoral Vibrator

When Honey Play Box invited me to review some products from their extensive range, I was immediately drawn to the Orgazmic Waterproof Clitoral Vibrator. Its interesting shape and remote control functionality suggested a range of interesting possibilities.

But did it impress me when I tried it out?

What is the Orgazmic?

Orgazmic waterproof clitoral vibrator, vibrator for women, people with vulvas, couples

The Orgazmic is a small clitoral vibrator. It measures 4.16″ in length and 1.05″ across at the widest point and is coated in 100% body-safe, hypoallergenic silicone. It’s available in pink or purple. It is rechargeable via the included magnetic cable, with a full charge giving around 2 hours of play.

The Orgazmic is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower if that’s your thing.

My Orgazmic came packaged discreetly in a solid, plain black box. Great for gifting and also works well as a storage box.

My Experience

As soon as I pulled it out of the box, I knew I was going to absolutely love the shape of the Orgazmic. It is slightly curved, similar in shape to “panty vibes” you may have seen, with ribbing in the silicone at the wider end and a raised nub in the centre. This is a vibrator that’s absolutely made for grinding on! Slide it between bodies during sex with a partner, or place it on a firm surface. It also rests comfortably against the vulva as a lay-on toy, or even slips into your underwear, if you prefer.

Orgazmic panty vibrator, clitoral vibrator

The Orgazmic offers 9 different vibration modes including 3 constant speeds and 9 patterns, and operates on a simple 1 button interface.

Orgazmic waterproof vibrator

While the Orgazmic offers a decent level of power for such a small toy, I really would have liked it to be rumblier. I much prefer deep, penetrating rumbles to the more surface-level vibes of the Orgazmic. Of course, this isn’t a universal experience! If you prefer higher frequency vibrations, the Orgazmic will suit you well.

The Orgazmic is easy to clean when you’re done. Just use some warm water and gentle soap or a sterile medical wipe.

Remote Control Capabilities

The Orgazmic comes with a separate remote control, which you can slip into your pocket or hand to your partner. I’m not sure exactly what the range is, but I tested it at a range of about 10 metres and it worked perfectly, so it’ll be suitable for most remote control play when you’re in the same physical space.

Remote from remote control vibrator panty vibrator

The Orgazmic is quiet-ish, topping out at around 45 dB. If you want to use it out and about, I’d recommend choosing spaces that have a decent level of ambient noise to begin with. Remember it’s not cool to involve others in your play without consent!

Remember that the remote control will also need charging (via the same cable as the toy), so factor that in to your charging time before you play.

Verdict

The Orgazmic is a decent all-rounder if you like buzzier vibrations. It’s got a great shape, reliable remote control compatibility, and a good number of settings and patterns to choose from.

The Orgazmic retails for $51.99.

This review was sponsored by Honey Play Box. This means they provided me with this product and paid me to write a fair and honest review. All opinions are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Fifty Shades of Grey Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator

I think we all know how I feel about Fifty Shades of Grey as a cultural phenomenon by now, don’t we? In case you don’t, here’s a quick primer: it romanticises domestic abuse, gets BDSM dangerously wrong, and is just horribly written considering how much money it made.

However, I’m also a realist, and I know that this genie is out of the bottle, so to speak. People are going to come to sex positivity, BDSM, and sex toys via the Fifty Shades route. As a kinkster, sex positive educator, and pleasure product expert, I think those of us already in these communities have a big responsibility to these newcomers. And that responsibility is to welcome them. To provide resources. To be there for them and to show them that while Fifty Shades might be a fun fantasy (if you like that sort of thing), the reality is so much cooler and more exciting.

That’s why I’m glad that, when the inevitable Fifty Shades of Grey vibrators and other Fifty Shades sex toys emerged, they were at least well-designed and body safe.

All this to say I’m reviewing another toy from Lovehoney’s official Fifty Shades range: the Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator.

Fifty Shades Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator

Fifty Shades of Grey Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator

The Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator measures 4.5″ in length, and tapers from a wide base to a narrow, pointed tip. When switched on, this tip “flickers” against your clit as the toy vibrates.

In the box, you’ll find the toy as well as a USB charging cable and a storage bag made from REPREVE® recycled plastic (eco-friendly, yay!)

Fifty Shades of Grey vibrator and sex toy storage bag

The Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator is made of smooth matte black silicone, which is non-porous and body-safe. It’s also submersible, should you want to use it in water (this also makes cleaning easier).

Sensation-al?

After some recent positive experiences with tongue vibrators, I was hopeful that the Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator would be another surprising gem. Unfortunately, that wasn’t to be. On the whole, this toy didn’t work for me.

The first problem is the pointy tip. While I sometimes enjoy pinpoint clitoral stimulation, the Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator’s silicone tip felt more like something jabbing my clit than stimulating it. (I mean, maybe that’s your thing? If so, live your best life! But it’s not mine). It was a little better when I used it sideways on or over my clitoral hood, but with the slightest wrong move, the pokey sensation was back.

Fifty Shades of Grey vibrator tongue vibe

The second problem is that the motor is not very strong, and buzzy as hell to boot. After ten minutes or so of vainly chasing an orgasm, I was annoyed and had a numb clit.

Finally, the user interface. The Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator has a single button interface and a whopping 20 patterns and settings. This means that if you want to turn the power down a notch, or return to a previous pattern, you’re left scrolling alllllllll the way back through. I don’t know about you, but having to press a button 20 times just to get the setting I want seriously impedes my wank game.

Good point, because credit where credit is due: the Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator is quiet. That and its body-safe material, though, are about the only good things I can say about it.

Verdict

Overall, I found the Fifty Shades of Grey Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator disappointing. With a stronger and rumblier motor, it could be fine for people who like very pinpointed stimulation. With a stronger motor, a less pointy tip, and a better button system, it could be excellent. But the current product is lacklustre at best and I doubt I’ll use it again.

Skip it and get a decent bullet vibe instead.

The Sensation Flickering Tongue Vibrator retails for £36.99 ($44.99 US) at Lovehoney.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. All views, as always, are my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.