Subspace is a kind of high, fueled by adrenaline and endorphins and all the other happy-fuzzy brain chemicals that come out when you do BDSM play. But what goes up, as they say, must come down. That’s where subdrop comes in. But what is subdrop exactly, what causes it, and what can you do about it? Let’s learn about subdrop and some subdrop aftercare ideas to help you get through it.

What is Subdrop?

Subdrop is what can happen when all those lovely chemicals wear off and reality sets back in. For some, it can hit as soon as the subspace high has ended, while for others it can hit a day or even several days later. Everyone is different. I most often drop somewhere between 12 and 24 hours after an intense play session, though it has been known to be quicker.

Not everyone who engages in BDSM gets subdrop at all. Some do, some don’t, and either way is fine.

How Does It Feel?

Subdrop looks different for everyone, and it can be physical, mental, or both. You might feel sad, low, or depressed. You might cry a lot. Some people report feeling exhausted, listless, or low on energy. You might be ravenously hungry or completely lose your appetite. For some, the symptoms are akin to having a bad cold or virus! When you’re in the middle of it, subdrop can be overwhelming and horrible. If you’re new to BDSM, it can be confusing and distressing if you experience it unexpectedly.

By the way: if you’re a Dominant or Top and any of this sounds like your experience, you might be experiencing the equivalent: Dom drop or Topdrop. Much of the same advice applies to you.

25 Subdrop Aftercare Remedies

Subdrop, like everything in BDSM, is personal. This is a list of subdrop aftercare suggestions, not a prescription. Not everything on this list will work for everyone, and that’s okay. Pick out just one or two that appeal to you, and try them out.

1. Cuddle someone/something! Your partner, a friend, a stuffed toy, your pet.
2. Make your favourite hot drink and sip it slowly, noticing how it tastes and letting the cup warm your hands.
3. Eat some chocolate or whatever your favourite sweet treat is. Not enough to make you feel sick, just enough to give you those feel-good chemicals. What is subdrop, after all, but a reduction in happy brain chemicals?
4. Cook (or order in) a simple, healthy meal and enjoy eating it slowly. Something with protein and vegetables is ideal, but getting food into your body is the most important thing so if all you can manage is toast, go for it.
5. Watch your favourite film or an episode of your favourite comfort show. Something lighthearted is best when you’re experiencing subdrop. Unless gory horror movies are comforting to you, I guess, in which case you do you!
6. Write in your journal.
7. Post to your blog or Fetlife page, if you have one.
8. Share how you’re feeling with a kinky friend or kink-positive friend. Sympathy and virtual cuddles from people who get it can be cathartic.
9. Listen to a comedy podcast or watch some stand-up and laugh until your stomach hurts.
10. Curl up under a cozy duvet with a good book or a magazine.
11. Meditate. There are thousands of free guided meditations on Youtube.
12. Masturbate or have sex. Having an orgasm can perk you up no end. Again, subdrop is what happens when you experience the low after the high. There’s no shame in topping those endorphins up a bit.
13. Go for a walk. Preferably somewhere with flowers and trees, but to the shop at the end of the street and back will work in a pinch.
14. Sit in your garden, if you have one, or a nearby park. Fresh air is important.
15. Buy yourself something, if you can comfortably afford to. This could be as elaborate as that high-end vibrator you’ve been lusting after for months, or as simple as a fancy coffee.
16. Tidy up your room or work space. I always feel better and more clear-headed when my safe spaces are neat and tidy.
17. Take a bath or shower. Spend as long as you like luxuriating in the hot water. Use your most decadent scented shower gel or that fancy bath bomb you’ve been saving.
18. Play loud, upbeat music. Optional extras: sing along loudly, dance around your room for the length of a song or two. When I’m in subdrop, there’s nothing like my “queer bangers” playlist to help me feel like me again.
19. Call someone you miss. Your mum. A grandparent. Your best friend in another city. Just pick up the phone, say hi and catch up.
20. Create something. Whatever your creative talent is, use it. Play your instrument, bake a cake, write a page of your novel, knit a few rows of your latest project.
21. Take a nap. Even an hour of rest will help recharge you a little.
22. Exercise. Hit the gym, go for a run, or do some yoga. Moving your body releases tension and clears your mind.
23. Get your hair cut or your nails done. No drastic changes right now! But a bit of pampering can really raise your mood and make you feel good about yourself.
24. Just sit with the feeling. This is a mindfulness technique. Sit, feel, and think: I am feeling rotten right now because I am subdropping, but I know this feeling will soon pass and I will be okay.
25. Do something for someone else. Whether it’s a chore that’s normally your partner’s but they’re super busy today, or getting shopping for an elderly neighbour, caring for others takes you out of your own head.

I hope you find some of these subdrop aftercare ideas helpful. Subdrop is a normal part of kink and BDSM for many people, and it can be hard. But understanding what subdrop is and why it happens, and knowing some basic aftercare techniques for dealing, with it can make all the difference.