We all know by now that the number one online dating mistake is to use our genitals as our profile picture, right? (We do, right?) But what other less-obvious-but-equally-offputting things are you doing or saying on dating apps that are causing potential matches to swipe right? I don’t really date men any more, but I learned enough from my years of doing so to put together this list of online dating tips for men based on dating app mistakes you really need to stop making.

Online Dating Tips for Men Into Women: 10 Mistakes to Avoid

Whether you’re using Tinder, Feeld, OKCupid, Fetlife, or another dating site or app entirely, avoid these common mistakes at all costs.

“I hate writing about myself” or “ask me”

This is the most boring cop-out of an “About Me” section possible. You might as well have written “there is nothing interesting about me whatsoever.”

You only have a small amount of space on your dating profile, and this is a waste of it. Instead, share a few carefully chosen tidbits about you that will intrigue a potential match and make them want to know more.

“Ask me anything you want to know” and its variations sidestep the process of putting any actual effort in. It indicates an assumption that your prospective will be so blown away that they’ll put all the work in for you. Spoiler: they won’t.

“I’m just a normal guy”

What does this mean? There are 8 billion people on this planet and approximately half of them are men. What is a “normal” guy?

Rather than lumping yourself into some nebulous, gendered category, think about what makes you YOU.

Too much negativity

I’m not a “positive vibes only” person and I certainly don’t embrace toxic positivity. However, your online dating profile is not the place for lengthy rants about the last person who broke your heart, how much you hate your job, or how much online dating sucks.

By the way: this also applies to talking about the kind of partner you want. Talk about the positive attributes you’re looking to find, not the negative ones you want to avoid.

“I’m really good at eating pussy”

Want to know a secret? No man who bragged about his cunnilingus skills on his dating profile has ever given me an orgasm. My theory is that this is because they were so confident in their knowledge of “what women like” that they forgot to pay attention to what I like.

Every vulva is different and there is no such thing as being universally “good at eating pussy.” That thing that had your first girlfriend moaning in orgasmic bliss that one time in 2008 is not necessarily going to do anything for the rest of the women you will have sex with throughout your lifetime.

“I’m looking for a real woman”

Again, what does this mean? What makes a woman “real” and, by extension, what makes one “fake?”

This reeks of some really problematic and outdated assumptions about gender. There are endless ways to be a woman (or to be any gender.) All women are real women. If there are specific traits you’re looking for in a partner, be specific about it.

Disregarding a person’s stated preferences

Unfortunately, one of the most commonly cited but really bad online dating tips for men is “shoot your shot regardless!”

Please don’t.

If she says she’s a lesbian, you are not the exception. When her stated upper age limit is 30 and you’re 50, move along. If she says she wants someone local and you’re in another country, don’t waste your time or hers. When she says she only dates older men and you’re only a couple years out of high school… you know what I’m going to say, don’t you? Leave her alone.

There is a certain degree of common sense at play here. If her stated upper age limit is 45 and you’re 46 but clearly a great match with tonnes in common, a respectful first message is probably fine as long as you’re willing to accept a no gracefully. And a lack of response is a no, by the way.

Text-speak

Are you twelve? No. There’s no excuse for this and yet it’s still a weirdly common dating app mistake.

Type in full words that form actual sentences. Use punctuation. Flawless spelling and grammatical perfection is not necessary, but making an effort is. Srsly m8. K?

“We have nothing in common but opposites attract!”

No, that’s not how this actually works. Most people want to date someone they have at least some things in common with. If you seem like you’d hate each other in real life, she’s probably not the love of your life. Move along.

Asking to meet immediately

I understand the desire to see if there’s real-life chemistry before you invest too much energy in someone online. But for women, meeting a man from the internet can be a risky endeavour. At best, we’re risking an awkward coffee date. At worst, we might find ourselves in real danger. That’s why one of my number one online dating tip for men is simply: be patient.

Get to know a prospective match at least a little bit first. Exchange a few messages. Don’t say “want to meet for a drink?” in the first message. Don’t ask to swap numbers or personal info, either.

Mentioning sex in the first conversation

Nothing tells me “this person doesn’t care about me as a human being” more than immediate sex talk. I don’t want to know about your fetishes, sext, send or receive nudes, or hook up before I’ve learned what you do for work or whether you’re a dog or cat person.

This is probably my single most important online dating tip for men: approach women as human beings. Because we are! A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn’t say it to a stranger at a party, then don’t say it to a new contact on a dating app.

If you enjoy my writing or found these online dating tips for men into women useful, please buy me a coffee!