Swinging refers, broadly speaking, to an arrangement where couples have casual sex with other couples or individuals outside of their relationship. It is a form of consensual non-monogamy, but differs from polyamory in that it doesn’t generally involve romantic connections. Whether you’re just starting out in swinging or have been checking out local clubs and swinger dating sites, creating a great profile is the first step to meeting fellow swingers online. I’ve partnered with SwingTowns to bring you these swinger dating tips for a great profile.
For the purposes of this post I will assume you’re looking for play partners as a couple. However, most of the advice works just as well for solo swingers.
The Most Important Swinger Dating Profile Tip: Be Honest
I can’t overstate the importance of honesty. You might think it’s no big deal to say you’re 37 when you’re actually 50, but lying simply shows prospective partners that you can’t be trusted. If someone lies about one thing, I wonder what else they’re lying about, from STI testing to whether or not their spouse at home is actually okay with them dating.
So don’t say you have loads of experience when you’re actually brand new to the lifestyle. Don’t lie about your age. And please (yes, I’ve really seen this) don’t pretend to be a couple if you’re actually a single person.
Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be self-deprecating. If you’re struggling to describe yourself in positive terms, ask your partner if you can writing descriptions of each other to go on your shared swinger profile.
Brand new and not sure where to start? Try something like this: “We’re just dipping a toe in right now, so please be gentle with us! We’re in our 40s and would love to meet a sexy couple of a similar age for fun, laughs, and maybe a trip to a swingers’ club.”
Write Coherently and in Full Sentences
No-one is expecting your swinger dating profile to be a literary masterpiece, but making an effort is important. Write in complete sentences, avodi text-speak, and check your profile for typos and spelling errors before you hit “submit.” Break up your sentences with punctuation and use short paragraphs to make your profile easier to read.
Pro tip: if you’re not skilled with words, ask a trusted friend to give your swinging profile a once-over.
Don’t Use Your Genitals as Your Swinger Dating Profile Picture
Swinger sites are about the only place in the online dating world where I’m going to tell you that posting pictures of your genitals is probably okay, if that’s your jam. But don’t use them as your main profile picture, please! Put them in your gallery and limit the number.
Your main profile picture could be your faces if that feels safe and comfortable for you, a clothed body shot, a tasteful nude, or a picture of something that reflects your personalities.
Say What You Can Offer, Not Just What You Want
Nothing is a greater turn-off than a dating profile from people who are clearly only thinking about what they want others to do for them. State what you’re looking for, but remember to show what you can offer too.
Sex, whether casual or committed, should be a mutual exchange for the enjoyment and benefit of everyone involved. This means viewing your partners and potential partners as full human beings, not fantasy-fulfillment machines. Yes, even in the context of swinging.
Posting a super lengthy, tightly scripted scene idea to your swinger profile is likely to scare a lot of people off. So is posting an absurdly specific description of your imaginary “third.” Instead, talk more broadly about the kinds of people you’re looking to meet and give plenty of information on what you can offer.
Try this: “We’re ideally looking to meet other couples at a similar life stage to us. With us you’ll find an educated, friendly, and kinky pair who are just as happy enjoying good wine and excellent conversation as getting down to some fun in the bedroom.”
Keep the Judgemental Comments to Yourself
You’re allowed to like what you like and be attraxted to what you’re attracted to. But shaming others for not conforming to your tastes makes you an asshole.
I’m fully aware that some people won’t be into me because I’m curvy and have body hair. I am at peace with that. Even so, it’s upsetting every time I see my body type described as “disgusting”, and this happens more than you might think. Similarly, you might not be into any kind of kink or BDSM. That’s absolutely fine, but describing other people’s consensual kinks as “freaky shit” is rude.
If someone isn’t for you, moving on to the next profile or replying to their approach with a polite “thanks, but not for us” is all that is required.
Being Responsible is Sexy: Talking About Sexual Health on Your Swinger Profile
When I’m browsing dating profiles, those who mention their sexual health testing regime or use of barriers go straight to the top of the list. Being responsible with your and your partners’ health is not only hot but incredibly necessary in any kind of non-monogamy.
Please don’t use the term “clean” to describe yourselves as being free from STIs. This language is stigmatising. STIs are not dirty, they’re just infections humans sometimes contract in the course of doing normal human things like having sex.
Try this: “we test every three months and last tested negative for everything on [date.] We use barriers for… [insert your protocols here.]”
If you do have a chronic or incurable STI, such as herpes or HIV, it’s important to be upfront about this, too. Don’t be apologetic; there’s nothing wrong with living with one of these conditions! Briefly mention it as a fact of your life and state how you manage it. Some people will be put off, but the rght people for you won’t be. I’d personally much rather have sex with someone who is HSV or even HIV-positive, knows their status, and can take the appropriate precautions than someone who hasn’t tested in a decade and insists they somehow “just know” they’re negative.
Offer Something of Yourselves Beyond the Sexual
However proud you are of your 8″ penis, world-class blow jobs, or penchant for eating pussy for hours, sex isn’t everything even in the world of swinging. Most swingers want to meet human beings they can connect with (even if the connection is brief), not walking sex machines.
So use some of your profile to talk about the things you’re into or the things that matter to you outside of sex. You don’t have to get extremely deep and personal.
Try phrases like these: “we love fine dining and would love someone to show us the best restaurants in town,” “our hobbies include board games, 80s B-movies, and salsa dancing,” or “he’s a gym-bunny and loves to run, she’s more likely to be found with her nose in a book!”
The crux of this tip is to let your sparkling personalities shine through on your swinging profile and show that you can bring more to the table than just sexual prowess.
These swinging dating profile tips were sponsored by Swingtowns, the world’s largest non-monogamous dating site. Join up now and create your swinger profile – it’s free! All opinions and writing are, as always, my own.
