Controversial opinion time: foreplay is not a thing.

There’s a big problem with the concept of foreplay. I don’t mean the acts it entails – fingers, tongues, mouths, toys, making out, massages, undressing each other and more. All of those things, and many more, are wonderful and valid expressions of sexuality.

But those things? They are not foreplay. They are sex.

Let’s break this down. “Foreplay” implies that it comes before something – namely, of course, penis-in-vagina (hereafter PIV) sex. And this is problematic on a number of levels.

First of all it’s heteronormative as fuck. Not everyone is straight and cisgender. Not every sexual pairing consists of one penis and one vagina. The implication here is that only heterosexual, cisgender people have Real Sex (TM) and everything else is “merely” foreplay.

Secondly, and this may come as a shock – not all straight, cisgender people even like PIV sex! Even pairings of one penis-owner with one vagina-owner does not necessarily imply that PIV will be their favourite sexual activity or even part of their sexual repertoire at all.

I’ll let you in on a secret – even though I enjoy it, loads of the sex I have isn’t PIV focussed and it’s not my favourite thing. Most of the time I could quite happily do other things instead. Plenty of the sex me and the Mr C&K have together doesn’t involve penetrative fucking. Just last night, for example, he caned my ass then watched and talked dirty to me while I got myself off with my Doxy. And it was a wonderful and fulfilling session.

For various reasons, I’m only quite rarely having PIV sex with anyone other than Mr C&K right now. The sexual relationships I have with other people are still amazing, hot and fulfilling. And sometimes, this queer girl even fucks other people with vaginas! (Shocking, I know.) Those sexual encounters with other vagina-owners are not, I promise you, any less amazing than those with penis-owners.

When a partner bends me over their lap, spanks me until I’m dripping and then fingers me hard while telling me what a dirty slut I am? That’s sex. When I pin a girl down while my partner uses the Doxy on her until she cums and he doesn’t even take his pants off? That’s sex. When I’m playing with another woman and I go down on her and she finger-fucks me until we both cum? Sex. When he holds me and reads a filthy story to me or talks me through a hot fantasy while I touch myself? You guessed it… sex.

That’s why I want to kill the idea of foreplay forever. It places PIV as the pinnacle of sexual experience and everything else as something lesser, something not quite real, something before.

There is no such thing as this thing called “foreplay,” because there are a million things under this amazing, huge umbrella that we call “sex.”

This was my final post of #Smutathon2017. If you’ve enjoyed it, please donate to the amazing charities.