Tag: anorgasmia

Header image for a post about being unable to climax featuring wisteria flowers. Text reads: if you related to Francesca Bridgerton's orgasm difficulties you're not alone

If You Related to Francesca Bridgerton’s Orgasm Difficulties, You’re Not Alone

Published on by Amy

Season 4 of Netflix’s Bridgerton, based on the book series of the same name by Julia Quinn, focuses primarily on the love story between Benedict Bridgerton and Sophie Baek. However, the subplot follows Francesca Bridgerton and her new husband, John Stirling, as they navigate sexual challenges in their marriage. Specifically, Francesca experiences orgasm difficulties: she’s unable to climax and she never has.

Fair warning: this post contains spoilers for Bridgerton, including the recently-dropped first half of Season 4.

Francesca, who has been married and trying for a baby for several months, doesn’t even know what an orgasm (or “pinnacle,” as they euphemistically call it) is. I found this storyline refreshing in a series that has given us a lot of “zero-to-fucking-in-ten-seconds” and “all simultaneous orgasms from penetration all the time” sex scenes.

People who have never experienced challenges with pleasure or been unable to climax might write this off as a product of the times. But if, in relatively sexually liberated 2026, you related to Francesca’s difficulties with orgasm? You’re not alone.

What Francesca’s Orgasm Difficulties Says About Sex Education

A recurring theme in the Bridgerton universe is women entering married life without a single clue about sex or their bodies. From Simon lying to Daphne about his “inability” to have children (when he’s actually just using the notoriously-unreliable pull-out method) to Eloise and Penelope wondering how an unmarried woman could become pregnant so that they can prevent it from happening to them, the naivety of these characters may be exaggerated for television but points to something real: in many times and places throughout history, a lack of basic knowledge about sex and their bodies helped to keep women in a place of powerlessness.

Things are no longer so bleak for young women, of course, and not just because our families aren’t generally marrying us off when we’re barely out of our teens. Most of us receive at least some education about the physical mechanics of sex, however incomplete and heteronormative that education may be. If all else fails, we can turn to the internet with questions like “how does a lady come to be with child?” (Love you Eloise.) But in a different way, misinformation and a lack of comprehensive sex education is still harming people of all genders.

How much time did your sex education curriculum dedicate to pleasure? If it was anything like mine, very little if any at all. In my school, the boys learned about female masturbation but the girls didn’t. Make that make sense. (Hint: it’s misogyny.) The messaging the girls received? That boys would pressure us for sex and it was our job to say no. That sex meant unwanted pregnancies and STIs, not pleasure. It wasn’t quite “don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant… and die,” but it wasn’t far off.

Mention of the clitoris? Completely absent. I learned of its existence from a slightly older friend who talked very openly about her masturbation habits. I have to assume no-one taught us about women’s pleasure for one of two reasons: an assumption it wasn’t important, or a fear that it would make us want to have sex, undermining the “don’t do it” messaging.

But when we don’t learn about pleasure, we don’t know how to get it. More importantly, we don’t internalise the message that we deserve it. This insidious messaging leads people, and especially people with vulvas, to endure unsatisfying sex, feel obligated to fake orgasms, and minimise pain during sex.

Orgasm Difficulties Are Super Common

Very few people will come every time they have sex. Not being able to get there occasionally is not, generally, a cause for concern. But anorgasmia, or the persistent inability to reach orgasm even with extensive sexual stimulation, is far more common than you might think.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, up to 15% of cis women report never having had an orgasm (primary anorgasmia) and far more struggle with orgasm at least some of the time. The numbers for cis men are lower, with around 10% reporting orgasm difficulties according to San Diego Sexual Medicine. One study suggested that around 1.5 men in 1000 suffers from primary anorgasmia.

For trans women and trans men, rates of orgasm difficulties were 29% and 15% respectively according to one study. I haven’t been able to find any reliable statistics on non-binary people specifically.

What Causes Anorgasmia or Struggles with Orgasm?

The short and perhaps unhelpful answer is “it depends.” In no particular order, some of the possible causes can include:

  • Insufficient stimulation or the wrong kind of stimulation
  • Many medications including SSRI antidepressants and blood pressure medications
  • Hormonal changes (for example, due to menopause, pregnancy, or breastfeeding)
  • Physical health conditions (including both acute and chronic illness)
  • Pain during sex (which itself has many potential causes)
  • Mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and stress
  • Relationship issues such as conflict or lack of trust
  • A history of sexual abuse or assault
  • A strict, restrictive upbringing
  • Poor self-esteem or body image
  • Substance use
  • Fatigue
  • Ironically, too much pressure to get there (either from yourself or your partner)

What’s Wrong with Me If I’m Unable to Climax!?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

One of the most touching scenes in Bridgerton Season 4 is when Francesca confides in John that not only did she just fake an orgasm, but she’s never had one. My heart broke for her when she blamed her lack of orgasm for their fertility struggles, saying “forgive me, I do not know what is wrong with me.” Sweet and supportive man that he is, he reassures her that there’s nothing wrong with her and that she, and their relationship, are already just right.

So in case you need to hear the same, I’ll say it again. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken. You’re just struggling with something that is actually incredibly common.

Do Orgasm Difficulties Mean There’s Something Wrong with My Relationship?

Not necessarily!

Many people believe that sexual problems in a relationship mean that there’s something inherently wrong with the relationship itself. But this often isn’t the case. As we established already, anorgasmia and orgasm difficulties can happen for all kinds of reasons. Relationship difficulties are one possible cause, and something you might want to examine if your orgasm problems started during a challenging time for your relationship. But there isn’t necessarily a correlation and even if you determine that there is, it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed.

If I’m Unable to Climax, Does It Mean I Don’t Really Fancy My Partner?

Again, no, not necessarily.

In Bridgerton, Francesca has been set up as a queer character who has feelings for her husband’s cousin, Michaela (this change was made for the TV series; in the original book, Michaela was Michael.) However, this doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t feel love or attraction for her husband. She could very well be somewhere under the bisexual or pansexual umbrella. In fact, the showrunners have explicitly stated that viewers shouldn’t interpret Francesca’s orgasm difficulties as related to her sexuality.

Of course, problems with sex and orgasm do lead some people to realise they’re not attracted to their partner. This could be because their sexuality is different than they assumed, or because that particular relationship has run its course. But being unable to climax is really common even amongst people who are wildly physically and sexually attracted to their partners. In and of themselves, orgasm difficulties don’t say anything about your attraction to your partner.

So What Now?

If Francesca’s story struck a chord with you… me too. I’ve had plenty of orgasm difficulties throughout my sexual history, from stress-induced loss of desire to pressure-induced faking it to medication-induced anorgasmia.

Bridgerton is not a series that aims for realism. At its heart, it is pseudo-Regency softcore smut, and that’s fine. None of us are watching it for a history lesson. But truth is often wrapped in fiction. And Francesca’s storyline this season highlighted something many of us will relate to.

I’m going to write another post soon about practical strategies for dealing with orgasm difficulties. This one, though, is just to reassure you that if you’re unable to climax (sometimes or always), you’re not alone. You’re not broken. And you’re just right, just as you are.

Header image for post on CBD lube and how Dani Pepper O improved her sex life by Hattie Gladwell

[Guest Post] How CBD Lube Changed My Sex Life When My Body Forgot How to Orgasm by Hattie Gladwell

Published on by Amy

Today’s guest post comes from Hattie Gladwell (she/her,) a freelance journalist whose work I have been reading and enjoying for a while. This piece on how Dani Pepper O CBD lube was a game-changer for her is her first post for C&K.

I loved this story because struggles with orgasm are so, so common, especially for cis women and other people with vulvas. The limited cultural narratives around sex can make us feel that we should all be having the most amazing sex, all the time and without ever talking about it.

Those same narratives push the idea that if we’re with the right partner, sex and orgasm will be easy and effortless, and that any use of additional tools (such as toys or lube) indicate failure. But as we can see from Hattie’s story, those things can be game changers in the best possible way.

Enjoy!

Amy x

Dani Pepper O: How This CBD Lube Changed My Sex Life When My Body Forgot How to Orgasm

I was in a sexless relationship for almost six years. It was difficult not just physically, but mentally, too. I wanted an intimate relationship, but sadly he wasn’t interested. Of course, I thought it was me. That something was wrong with me. I changed how I looked constantly to see if maybe he’d start loving me again, but the relationship had been dead for years. 

When we first got together, I was able to orgasm easily and quickly. Multiple times. Having an orgasm wasn’t something I’d ever struggled with. I’d always had a good sex life before the relationship, and during the first year. But everything changed, and I don’t know why. 

When we finally broke up and I walked away from the stale relationship, I met somebody new quickly. My family and friends warned me that it was too early, that I needed to heal. But I had already done my healing over the last six months of the relationship—because I knew it was coming to an end. 

It was incredible to have sex with someone new. I mean, it was incredible just to have sex again. But, I couldn’t orgasm. It made me feel bad because I didn’t want my new partner to think it was him. My body just forgot what an orgasm felt like, and I couldn’t do it anymore. 

When I tried to get there, it was even more impossible, because I was putting myself under too much pressure. It wasn’t until I decided to “re-discover myself” alone, learning what I liked and didn’t like, and what made me tick, that finally (with a little help from Dani Pepper O CBD lube) I came to climax again. 

I decided to show my partner what I liked, and it worked—but it still took me up to an hour to get there, and sometimes I couldn’t at all. It was frustrating and I felt resentment towards my ex because I felt like I had no control over my body.

I could only come during mutual masturbation. Never during sex. Which is annoying, because I want to reach orgasm when my partner does. It feels more intimate. It makes me feel closer. 

That’s where the Dani Pepper CBD lube comes in. 

There are lots of CBD lubes out there, even though not that many people know about them. Of course, most people have heard about CBD and the common belief that it helps with chronic pain. But it can also help with sensitivity of the vulva, as it is absorbed through the tissues.

I was sceptical, but decided to try Dani Pepper’s “O” orgasm enhancer.

It comes in a bottle that looks just like regular, non-CBD lube, and is transparent. It’s made using organic and natural ingredients, and is water-based, meaning it’s okay to use with latex. 

I sat down with my partner and talked about using the lube, and he agreed. He was just as adamant about getting my orgasms back on track as I was. 

That night, we had sex. But before we did, we did what we usually do, and he tried to get me off. I decided to do it during mutual masturbation because I wanted my body to get used to the CBD lube in a way that I knew might just make me come. 

He put the lube on me, and within 15 minutes I started to feel more relaxed. I wasn’t worried about climaxing. I decided that it didn’t matter if I didn’t orgasm this time—I could always try again. 

But I did come. Quickly. Intensely. The most extraordinary orgasm I have ever had. 

It lasted for at least 10 seconds, and afterwards, my legs were shaking and I couldn’t speak through breathlessness. 

What I also loved is how calm I felt afterwards. I continued to feel this really relaxing sensation. Sex afterwards was amazing because, even though I can’t come through penetration still, it made us both feel accomplished. Knowing I’d “got there” meant there were no frustrated vibes after having sex—or masturbating for an hour. 

I always use the Dani Pepper O lube every time we have sex now. It’s my go-to, and I of course have more than one bottle at a time so that I can keep myself stocked up. 

CBD lube has been a game-changer for me. Not just because of the incredibly intense orgasms, but because it has brought me closer to my partner sexually. I feel like our sex life is way more intimate now, and I never feel like I’m missing out. And I won’t ever again.

About the Author

Hattie Gladwell is a journalist and editor from Sussex. She is passionate about raising awareness of mental health issues, and mainly writes about sex, relationships, parenting and mental illness.

Product recommendation is the writer’s own and is not sponsored.

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There is No Time Limit: Exploring Your Sexuality Later in Life

Published on by Amy3 Comments

I occasionally receive questions from readers who are wondering if it is “too late” for them to enjoy some aspect of sex or relationships. Some haven’t had their first sexual experience by the time they reach their 20s. Others are realising they’re queer or trans and coming out in their 40s. Some are considering trying polyamory, exploring kink, or experimenting with group sex for the first time in their 50s, 60s, or even later in life. Regardless of your reasons for exploring your sexuality later in life, I’m here to tell you this: there is no time limit.

You can have amazing sex at any age or stage of life, including if you’re a “late bloomer.”

You can find love after the age of 35. Yes, even if you want to get married. Yes, even if you want to have children.

Polyamory, kink, group sex, and all those other wonderful adventures aren’t just for youngsters. You can have your first orgasm in your 30s or 50s or 70s or 90s.

Why Exploring Your Sexuality Later Can Be Beneficial

I understand that it’s hard, and daunting to feel like you’re running late. Though it might not seem like it, exploring your sexuality later in life can give you some advantages. There are times when it can be beneficial to have a bit of life experience behind you.

It’s true that a lot of people are now finding sex positive communities and the resources they need to explore their sexuality earlier in life. In large part, this is thanks to the internet. I discovered polyamory and kink in my late teens. There was a time when I’d be the youngest person in any sex positive space I entered by at least a decade. I don’t think new adults exploring these spaces generally have the same experience today.

For a long time, I was grateful to have found these communities early and experienced so many things so young. Now, though, my relationship with that time in my life is more complicated. In some ways, I wish I’d put off exploring sex until a little later in my life.

I’m glad I’ve had my entire adult life to explore. But looking back with the wisdom and knowledge of a woman in her 30s? I can see the ways that I was tremendously vulnerable back then. I’d walk into a room, young and wide-eyed and so naive, and I might as well have had a sign over my head saying Fresh Meat. The way some of the men looked at me, when I was barely out of high school, is no longer something I recall with pride but something that makes me shudder. I spent a lot of time in those early days fending off the advances of men ten or twenty or thirty years older than me. Or not fending them off and falling into situations I was wildly ill-equipped to handle.

It was all kind of fun… until it wasn’t. I had some amazing adventures, but I also picked up a lot of new traumas. I’m saying all this to illustrate that the knowledge and wisdom that comes with being older can be a huge asset. It can help keep you safe, healthy, and boundaried when you’re exploring your sexuality later in life.

4 Tips for Exploring Sex Later in Life

Whatever your story and whatever the reason you’re exploring relationships, pleasure, identity, or sex in later life, the first thing I want this post to do is give you a sense of permission. To let you know that you’re welcome and it’s not too late for you. But I also thought some tips and suggestions might be useful. As always, pick the ones that work for you and leave the ones that don’t.

Give Yourself Permission to Be a Beginner

No matter your age or prior experiences, there’s no shame in being new to something. That includes sex, relationships, dating, queerness, kink, masturbation, pleasure… all of it. Something a lot of people find helpful is to approach whatever aspect of sexuality they’re exploring as if it were a new hobby.

You wouldn’t sit down at a piano for the first time and expect to play a flawless Beethoven sonata. You wouldn’t go to your first ever language class and expect to come out speaking fluent Italian. Sexuality is just the same. None of us are born knowing this stuff. As long as you’re breathing and curious there’s always, always, always time to learn.

Being a beginner isn’t shameful. It’s a beautiful sign that you had the courage to step out of your comfort zone and learn something new.

Get Educated About Sex, Relationships, Pleasure, and Your Body

Depending on your age and where you grew up, your sex education was likely somewhere on the spectrum from “lacking” to “non existent.” If you’re exploring sex or relationships later in life and feel like you don’t know all that much about your sexuality, your body, or what you enjoy, that’s no reflection on you. But it is something you can take control of! This might include some unlearning, letting go of old narratives, and releasing shame that isn’t serving you.

Check out the resources section below to help you get started.

By the way: don’t forget to learn about sexual health, too. Even if pregnancy is no longer a concern for you, you’ll still need to understand how to protect yourself and your lover(s) from STIs.

Embrace the Power of “I Don’t Know Yet”

It can be daunting to be asked questions like “what do you like?” or “how do you identify?” and not know the answers. But not knowing is part of the journey, and it’s okay not to know! It’s also okay if your answers tomorrow, or a year from now, or ten years from now are not the same as they are today. Change, growth, discovery, and rediscovery are all part of this process.

Meet Your Body Where It Is

Your body may not be the same now as it was ten or thirty or fifty years ago. It’s normal to feel some complicated feelings about that, but ageing or disability needn’t be a barrier to enjoying your sexuality in its full glory. If you’re exploring sex later in life, it’s important to get to know your body as it is now.

Get curious. Learn about your responses and desires and the reality of your current body. Practice radical acceptance of your body and yourself. You might need to expand your definition of sex and pleasure (it’s not all about penetration!). Navigating sexual side effects, such as a drop in libido or anorgasmia, can also be issues for folks of any age who take some medications.

Pro tip: tools like a good lube, positioning aids, and smart sex tech can be game-changers at any age.

Resources for Exploring Sex Later in Life

Whether you’re exploring your sexuality in your 20s, your 80s, or anywhere in between, check out some of these resources to learn more.

If You’re Ready to Explore Sex in Later Life, You’re Right on Time

We all have a finite amount of time on this planet. But as long as we’re still here, there’s no time limit on learning, exploring, adventuring, experiencing.

Tomorrow is always a new day. No matter your age or your experiences so far, you can always wake up and decide that you want to do something differently. You can try something new, learn something new, chase some new dream.

Sex, relationships, love, pleasure… they’re for everyone who wants them. You don’t have to have had your first sexual experience by 20, met your life partner by 25, got married by 30, or discovered kink while you’re still young enough to attend the “Under 35” munch.

We all come to things at different stages and for different reasons. Wherever you are in your journey and whatever your reasons for exploring your sexuality later in life, those of us in the sex positive community are waiting to welcome you. You’re not too late. I promise.

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Sexual Side Effects: How to Have Sex if Medication is Getting in the Way of Your Pleasure

Published on by Amy

Unfortunately, sexual side effects are incredibly common with numerous types of medication. Antidepressants and other mental health medications including SSRIs and MOAIs, blood pressure medications, ADHD medications, and certain hormonal therapies are just some of the commonly prescribed medical treatments that can affect sex drive, orgasm, and sexual function.

Sexual side effects can include loss of desire, low arousal, erectile issues, pain during sex, and anorgasmia. Obviously, not everyone who takes medication experiences these issues and not everyone will experience them to the same extent. They can also naturally occur as a result of ageing, stress, physical health issues, and so on. But they are super common. In this post, I’ll share some strategies that can help you to manage them and continue to access sexual pleasure, if you want to.

Note: I am not a medical professional, so I have kept my advice here to sex and relationships advice, not medical advice. If you have any medical concerns or queries, see your doctor.

Talk to Your Doctor About Sexual Side Effects

You shouldn’t have to choose between the right medication and a happy and pleasurable sex life. You should be able to have both! So if you’re suffering from sexual side effects, talk to your doctor. My doctor once told me to stay on my antidepressants even though they killed my sex drive and appetite. I ignored that advice and ultimately switched to a different doctor (and a different drug.)

A good provider will work with you to find a medication solution that helps you without damaging your sex life. This might mean adjusting your dose, trying a different drug, or implementing other strategies to combat the sexual side effects. If your doctor dismisses you or doesn’t think sexual pleasure is important, go to a different doctor.

Sex matters. For many of us, it’s a quality of life issue. You deserve to get medical support and be taken seriously.

Get Creative and Expand Your Definition of Sex

Perhaps you can’t or don’t want to change your medication right now (or ever), but you also want to start enjoying sex again. If so, I invite you to think about your definition of sex. When you think of sex, are you thinking exclusively about penetrative intercourse or another specific activity?

Getting creative, exploring different kinds of touch, and expanding your definition of sex can all be great ways to sidestep sexual side effects and find new ways to access pleasure and sensuality.

What if sex didn’t need to involve penetration? What if there was no pressure for anyone to have an orgasm, and you could just enjoy touch and sensation without racing towards any particular goal? If it didn’t matter whether a cock got hard or a pussy got wet? Paradoxically, removing the focus from things like penetration, erection, or orgasm can actually make those things easier. Don’t underestimate the power of taking the pressure off.

Intimate connection doesn’t even need to involve your genitals! What if you spent an entire session just kissing and making out, focusing on nipple play, trading massages? What if a kink scene, whether that involves flogging or shibari or candle wax or sensation play or power exchange, was the main event rather than an appetiser? When you step away from what you assume sex is, you discover all the things pleasure can be.

Experiment with Toys

Sex toys are amazing for so many reasons! (That’s why I turned talking about them into a career.) One of the ways they’re amazing? They can help to overcome or navigate sexual side effects by offering different kinds and intensities of sensation.

If you’re struggling with a loss of sensation, powerful vibrators can help. When I suffered from anorgasmia and a reduced sex drive due to antidepressants, a wand vibrator helped me to break through the block. Some people with a clitoris find that the focused intensity of suction toys works well when sensitivity is low. If you have a penis and your medication makes it difficult to get or stay hard, a toy like the Hot Octopuss Pulse – which can be used from either erect or flaccid – can be a great choice. If you want to have penetrative sex, a strap-on, fucking machine, thrusting toy, or dildo can facilitate it.

If pain during sex is an issue, toys and accessories can also help. The OhNut is an amazing invention that limits the depth of penetration with a penis or dildo, and dilators can help to gently stretch and relax your vaginal tissue.

Explore Self-Touch

Learning to navigate sexual side effects and adjusting to your body’s new normal can be a process. Whether or not you have a partner, this is a great time to explore self-touch. You might want to experiment with masturbating in different ways (such as in a new position or with toys), experiment with mindful masturbation, or perhaps just touch your body in whatever ways feel good to you.

Talk About Your Sexual Side Effects with Your Lover(s)

Too many of us have, at some point, struggled through sex that was not pleasurable or even sex that was painful. Perhaps we felt pressured, perhaps we didn’t want to let our partner down, or perhaps we believed that maybe we’d “get into it” if we just kept going. I understand the urge, but you deserve so much more than suffering through uncomfortable or painful sex.

A partner who loves and respects you will want to understand your experience and support you. Great sex with a partner is a collaborative process. It begins with honesty and vulnerability, so – as long as you’re in a safe and trusting relationship – talk to your partner(s) about how you’re feeling, what’s going on for you, and how you’d like to address it. If you want them to do or not to something specific, ask for it. If you just want their patience and understanding while you adjust, ask for that.

Fight Shame and Self-Blame

Sexual side effects often bring a lot of shame. You might feel as though there’s something wrong with you, or worry that you’re letting your partner(s) down. Some people even feel as though their masculinity, femininity, or sense of sexual identity is threatened.

There is absolutely no shame in what you’re going through right now. Orgasm problems and loss of sex drive are still stigmatised and, unfortunately, so are certain types of medication such as antidepressants. However, please try to avoid getting into a shame cycle or blaming yourself. But sexual side effects are incredibly normal, and most of us will be on medication that will impact our sexuality at some point in our lives.

If you’re struggling with shame, reach out to others who have had similar experiences, ask your partner(s) for reassurance and support, or talk to a therapist.

Check Out These Resources to Help You Navigate Sexual Side Effects

Wherever you are in your journey with medication and navigating sexual side effects, these are a few resources I recommend. As always, pick the ones that sound most useful to you!

If you find my work useful, you can help me keep doing this by buying me a coffee! This post contains affiliate links.

Header image for a review of Bliss Orgasm Balm

[Better Sex Products Review] Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm

Published on by Amy4 Comments

Pleasure can be far from simple. Some people find it difficult to orgasm, experience pain or discomfort during sex, or struggle to get aroused. There can be all kinds of reasons behind these challenges, from physical or mental health problems to relationship issues to sexual shame, and more. Sometimes there’s no discernible reason behind it. Some people experience difficulties sometimes but not all the time. And some find sex easy and enjoyable, but still want to experience even more pleasure. Whatever your story, there are lots of reasons you might want to try a pleasure enhancer like Lovehoney’s Bliss Balm, which I just received to test and review.

Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm

Products like this are not a substitute for professional advice or support if you’re having sexual difficulties. However, they can be one tool in your toolbox for enhancing arousal, experiencing more pleasure, and enjoying your body more completely.

What is Lovehoney Bliss Balm?

Bliss by Lovehoney is a topical pleasure balm designed to increase sensitivity when applied to the clitoris and vulva. Bliss is infused with peppermint, menthol, and essential oils. As natural vasodilators, menthol and mint encourage blood flow to the area, heightening sensitivity. They also produce a cooling, tingling sensation which some people find enjoyable.

It comes in a small, heart-shaped tin. The balm itself is white in colour and has a creamy consistency that melts with the warmth of your fingers.

Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm

Is Bliss Balm Body-Safe?

To answer this question, I took a closer look at the ingredients of Lovehoney Bliss Balm.

  • Argania Spinosa (Argan) Kernel Oil: A natural oil commonly used in cosmetics, make-up and skincare products. It has been shown to have beneficial properties for the skin and is considered safe.
  • Hydrogenated Olive Oil (and) Olea Europaea (Olive) Fruit Oil: We all know olive oil has health benefits when used in food, but it is also a common ingredient in skincare and cosmetics. SpecialChem reports that it is safe for topical use in concentrations up to 5%.
  • Hydrogenated Jojoba was: Jojoba oil and jojoba wax were investigated by the International Journal of Toxicology and proven safe for cosmetic use. (Warning: link contains mentions of animal testing.)
  • Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter): A common natural ingredient in skincare and cosmetic products. The Cosmetic Ingredients Review investigated shea butter and found it to be safe.
  • Menthol: Menthol is prized for its distinctive minty fragrance and the cooling sensation it creates on the skin. The FDA has found it to be safe for these purposes and also in food.
  • Tocopherol: Tocopherol is a form of Vitamin E, typically derived from vegetable oils. The Cosmetic Ingredient Review and International Journal of Toxicology concluded that it is safe for topical use.
  • Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil: An essential oil derived from the peppermint plant, the Cosmetic Ingredient Review determined that peppermint oil is safe as long as the concentration of the compound pulegone does not exceed 1%.

Unless you’re allergic or sensitive to any of the ingredients, Lovehoney Bliss Balm is perfectly safe to use. Since Bliss is an oil-based product, don’t use it with condoms or other barriers—oils can degrade the materials, reducing their effectiveness and increasing the risk of a breakage.

Lovehoney Bliss is only suitable for external use. Getting a little bit in your vagina or butt probably won’t do you any harm, but don’t put it up there deliberately. Wash it off your hands before doing any penetrative play.

Lovehoney Bliss Review: In Use

You may look at this tiny tin of Bliss clitoral balm and think it seems like a tiny amount for the money. But you only need a little bit to enjoy the effects. One tin of this stuff actually lasts me several months.

To start using Bliss pleasure balm, simply dab a small amount onto your fingers and massage into your vulva clitoral area. You can do this when you’re already aroused and looking to intensify pleasure or orgasm, or you can do it in advance to get blood flowing and nerves tingling as a precursor to sex or masturbation. If you like, you can also use Bliss Balm alongside your usual water-based lube.

If you’ve ever used “cooling” or “tingling” lube (or put toothpaste on your genital area, which is something I don’t recommend but that a lot of people do), you’ll recognise this as a similar sensation. I find that Lovehoney Bliss Balm starts out feeling cool and tingly, and then the initial intensity fades into a higher than usual level of clitoral sensitivity.

I find that Bliss Balm helps to make clitoral touch more enjoyable and make my orgasms stronger. It can also sometimes make it easier to get there on days when I’m less sensitive.

The sensation this balm provides can be pretty intense, so start off with less than you think you’ll need. If you want a more intense sensation or aren’t getting the desired effect, you can always add more. I find it lasts well, but if you’re playing for a while then you may need to top it up.

A bonus pro tip: if your partner is okay with the taste of mint, apply a little Bliss balm to your vulva before they go down on you.

Does Clitoral Pleasure Balm Like Lovehoney Bliss Work?

This is a difficult question to answer, because the true but possibly unhelpful answers are “it depends on your body” and “it depends on what we mean by ‘work'”.

Is it a miracle cure? No.

If you struggle to orgasm, don’t expect a pleasure balm to be a cure-all. Orgasm is, unfortunately, much more complicated than that and many sexual challenges are far more complex than a single product can solve. There are many things you can try and interventions that might be able to help you. Depending on your particular issue and context, you may need to work on overcoming shame, strengthening communication with your partner(s), or learning more about your sexual desires. In some situations, medical attention or psychosexual therapy may be appropriate.

However, for many people, the ingredients in pleasure enhancers like Lovehoney Bliss work by heightening sensitivity, adding a new sensation, and boosting arousal both prior to and during sex. I also suspect there may be a placebo affect at play for some people. If you expect the balm to help, you might feel more relaxed and less stressed, which ultimately makes it easier to enjoy sex or reach orgasm.

It’s not a magic bullet for pleasure or orgasm challenges, but one potential supportive add-on. And, of course, it’s damn good fun to use even if you don’t have any difficulties you’re trying to overcome.

Verdict

I’m a convert. I love using Lovehoney Bliss Balm for the enhanced sensitivity it offers, the fun tingly sensations it provides, and the extra helping hand it gives me in enjoying sex on low-sensitivity days.

At just £9.99 from Lovehoney UK or $12.99 from Lovehoney US for a 20g tin (which will last you ages) it’s a steal. Throw some in your next Lovehoney order!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me a sample of Bliss Balm to review. All views are, as always, mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.