Stop the Drop: 25 Things to Do When Subdrop Feels Overwhelming

Subdrop is real. As Kayla says in today’s 30 Days of D/s prompt, what goes up must come down. Subspace is a kind of high, fueled by adrenaline and endorphins and all kinds of happy-fuzzy brain chemicals.

Subdrop is what can happen when those chemicals wear off and reality sets back in. For some, it can be as soon as the subspace high has ended, while for others it can hit a day or even several days later. A lucky few may not experience it at all. Everyone is different. I most often drop somewhere between 12 and 24 hours after an intense play session, though it has been known to be quicker.

Drop looks different for everyone. You might feel sad or depressed. You might cry a lot. Some people report feeling really listless or now on energy/”spoons“. When you’re in the middle of it, it can be overwhelming and completely horrible.

Not everything on this list will work for everyone. Pick out just one or two that speak to you and try them. Here’s 25 things you can do to help when you’re dropping.

Amy’s Top 25 Subdrop Remedies

  1. Cuddle someone/something! Your partner, a friend, a stuffed toy, your pet.
  2. Make your favourite hot drink and sip it slowly, noticing how it tastes and letting the cup warm your hands.
  3. Eat some chocolate or whatever your favourite sweet treat is. Not enough to make you feel sick, just enough to give you those feel-good chemicals.
  4. Cook yourself a simple, healthy meal and enjoy eating it slowly. Something with protein and vegetables.
  5. Watch your favourite film or an episode of your favourite Netflix show. Something lighthearted is better.
  6. Write in your journal.
  7. Post to your blog, if you have one.
  8. Share how you’re feeling on your kinky social media of choice. Sympathy and virtual cuddles from friends who get it can be surprisingly cathartic.
  9. Listen to a comedy podcast or watch some stand-up. Laugh until your tummy hurts.
  10. Curl up under a cozy duvet with a good book or a magazine.
  11. Meditate. There are thousands of free guided meditations on Youtube, or try the Insight Timer app.
  12. Masturbate! Orgasm can perk you up no end.
  13. Go for a walk. Preferably somewhere out in nature, but to the shop at the end of the street and back will work in a pinch.
  14. Sit in your garden, if you have one, or a nearby park. Fresh air is important.
  15. Buy yourself something, if you can afford to. This could be as elaborate as that dress you’ve been lusting after for months, or as simple as a fancy coffee.
  16. Tidy up your room or work space. I always feel better and more clear-headed when my safe spaces are neat and tidy.
  17. Take a bath or shower. Spend as long as you like luxuriating in the hot water. Use your most decadent shower gel or that fancy bath bomb you’ve been saving.
  18. Play loud, upbeat music. Optional extras: sing along loudly, dance around your room for the length of a song or two.
  19. Call someone you miss. Your mum. A grandparent. Your best friend in another city. Just pick up the phone, say hi and catch up.
  20. Create something. Whatever your creative talent is, use it. Play your instrument, bake a cake, write a page of your novel, knit a few rows of your latest project.
  21. Take a nap. Even an hour of shut-eye will help recharge you a little.
  22. Exercise. Hit the gym, go for a run, or do some yoga. Moving your body releases tension and clears your mind.
  23. Get your hair cut or your nails done. No drastic changes! But a bit of pampering can really raise your mood and make you feel good about yourself.
  24. Just sit with the feeling. This is a mindfulness technique. Sit, feel, and think: I am feeling rotten right now because I am subdropping, but I know this feeling will soon pass and I will be okay.
  25. Do something for someone else. Whether it’s a chore that’s normally your partner’s but they’re super busy today, or getting shopping for an elderly neighbour, caring for others takes you out of your own head.

I hope some of these techniques are helpful to you, dear readers. How do you banish the dreaded subdrop when it hits?

Kinky item of the day: Bondage candles! Ever tried wax play? It’s one of my favourites and it doesn’t have to be painful – it can be really sensual. Please only buy candles designed for this purpose, as regular household candles can burn much hotter – especially if they have dyes or scents added. Remember to take fire safety precautions and start slowly if you’re new to wax play. I’m obsessed with this rainbow penis candle because how could I not be?

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8 thoughts on “Stop the Drop: 25 Things to Do When Subdrop Feels Overwhelming

  1. I’ve had my first case of drop recently and it took me forever to figure out that it WAS subdrop. I found cuddling in bed and a bath to be helpful 🙂 Will certainly try a few others from your list next time it hits!

  2. Thanks for the list! I find stroking my head and stomach to be very soothing, as well as breathing techniques used for anxiety. Also wearing a collar and smelling certain scents help me relax, like rose and mint.

  3. Has anyone ever had them really early in a session? I think I just did… All of a sudden I felt overwhelmed, emotional, didn’t want to continue the session.

  4. This was actually really comforting to read. I’m kinky, but haven’t experienced subdrop before and thought maybe I was one of the lucky few that didn’t.

    Cue tonight and at first it was an overwhelming sense of feeling suffocated now followed by feeling very sorry for myself and weepy. Of course I had a session today of a kink I’ve just started exploring and had no idea how lost I would get in it and how deeply satisfying it would be.

    I was on an emotional high for quite a bit after, but had no idea I would come down, let alone so hard. I read over the list and the thought of most of the stuff on there made me feel worse because they all seemed like the usual ways I avoid my feelings.

    But then I saw “just sit with the feeling” and I felt kind of better. I’m still very much down and don’t want to get out of bed, but the thought of giving myself permission to be sad, and acknowledging that it’s okay I’m not okay right now, that I don’t always have to be upbeat and doing well, was so comforting.

    Thank you so much for this article, I really needed that reminder. 🥰❤️

  5. Had my first sub drop in a while after this weekend, it was intense and still here 3 days later! This has helped me with more ideas to help deal with it and I found talking about it with my Dom usually helps. But this is intense.

    Thanks, for the article

  6. I feel like I’m bothering my partner if I express my feelings of sub drop. Who am I supposed to lean on when I feel like this? I’m new to All of it and feel overwhelmed.

    1. I am certainly new to all of it and I just told him what I was feeling.
      I don’t think I’m overwhelmed by the play I think I’m overwhelmed by the dominance of it all.

  7. Thank you for the list,my sub drop happened the day after and hit me really hard.The feeling of being lonely is the worst and some of these helped thank you

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