It’s time for the penultimate “Kinky Love Languages” post, in which I explore the five love languages and ways that they can relate to kinky relationships. Today we’re exploring some physical touch love language ideas and how you can make this language work for you.
What is the Physical Touch Love Language?
When people think of the love language of physical touch, they often think of sex first. And, yes, sex is part of this language for many people. But it’s far from the only part. A person whose love language is physical touch is likely to value things like cuddling, holding hands, hugs, and kisses. Even small gestures like an arm around their shoulder as you watch TV or a gentle, affectionate touch as you pass each other can mean a lot.
By the way: people who are asexual, including sex-repulsed aces, can still have this love language. There are so many amazing forms of non sexual touch to explore.
Physical Touch Love Language Ideas for Submissive Partners
A submissive who speaks the love language of touch is likely to place high value on the physical aspects of BDSM. Think the thud of a flogger across their back, the feeling of rope tightening against their skin, the raw intimacy of a spanking, the feeling of your hand in their hair, or the sensation of your teeth nibbling their neck.
If your submissive speaks this love language, it’s more important than ever to make plenty of time for close, physical, and intimate kinky play.
For a submissive who experiences love through physicality, the touch of their Dominant can be its own reward. Caress their cheek when you tell them you’re pleased with them. Give them a few swats on the ass before bed. Stroke their hair. If you want to reinforce certain behaviours or just make your submissive feel loved, give them plenty of physical affection. Touch them lovingly, easily, and often.
When you’re out in public or at a party, gestures that keep them physically close—holding their hand, putting an arm around them, or placing your hand on the small of their back—can make them feel treasured.
Think about physical body positions, too. Some subs who enjoy physical touch may also enjoy things like submissive postures, being human furniture, or sitting at your feet.
Many submissives want to feel taken care of by a Dominant. You can incorporate physical touch into the ways you care for your sub by, for example, washing or brushing their hair, helping them with personal care activities like shaving, or even feeding them from your hand.
Doms Like Cuddles, Too! Physical Touch Ideas for Dominants
People tend to forget that most Dominants like hugs and cuddles just as much as anyone else. For Dominants whose love language is physical touch, submissive partners have so many opportunities to incorporate this into submission or service.
Again, the physical side of kink is likely to be hugely important to your Dominant if this is their love language. So make time for kinky play, prioritise it in your schedule, and do your best to stick to any play dates you arrange. A Dominant who loves physical touch is unlikely to be comfortable functioning as a “service Top” (someone who takes on a Dominant role primarily to pleasure their partner) most or all of the time. Make sure their physical needs and desires are met in your scenes as well.
While sex and kinky play can play a key role in speaking this love language, non sexual touch and general physical affection are just as important.
Learning to give a really good back massage or foot rub can be a wonderful gift for your Dominant who loves physical touch. You could also include physical closeness by doing intimate and body-based tasks for them such as painting their nails, styling their hair, shaving their legs, or washing their back.
There are also many ways to demonstrate loving submission through physical affection. Try laying your head on their lap or shoulder, curling up close to them on the couch so they can pet you, or kissing whichever parts of their body they like to have kissed.
Things to Remember No Matter Your Role
Physical intimacy can look so many different ways, and it’s slightly different for every relationship. If you or your partner speaks the physical touch love language, prioritising sex and kinky play might well be important to you. It’s also important to make plenty of time and space for cuddles, kissing, holding hands, non sexual touch, and the kind of easy physical closeness that can come in a long-term relationship.
Physical touch is probably the hardest love language to meet if you’re in a long distance relationship. There are still things you can do if you get creative. Give your partner a soft toy to hug. Give them a shirt that smells like you to sleep with. Invest in some really good app-controlled sex toys so you can touch them sexually by proxy. But realistically, if one or both of you feels strongly connected to the love language of physical touch, you’re going to need to make an effort to see each other in person as often as you can.