Every time I review or indeed use a Satisfyer toy now, I end up with ‘Satisfied’ from Hamilton going around in my head. I still really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys. Anyone want to write this for/with me?
This is really not the review I was expecting to write. A few months ago, I tried the original Satisfyer Pro 2. I really didn’t get on with it at all. Looking back now, I’m not sure if I was just doing it wrong (for the value of “wrong” that means “in a way that didn’t work for my body”) or if the Next Generation model is THAT great of an improvement on the original. I might need to go back and re-test the original and possibly revise my opinion. Or not. For now, let’s just go with: I tried the Pro 2 Next Generation and I loved it!
If you’re not familiar with Satisfyer toys, they boast what they call “pressure wave stimulation”. Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris and the toy provides “touch free orgasms” via rapid air pulses. Some vulva-owners say it makes them come in less than a minute. Others describe it as like having the orgasm forcibly ripped from their body. For me, it’s neither. Instead, both times I’ve used it, it was a slow build to a gradual but hyper-intense orgasm that left me with jelly legs for the next half an hour.
Some people describe these toys as “oral sex simulators,” but I can’t feel the resemblance at all. This isn’t a bad thing (oral is fun and all, but rarely gets me off) but you might want to reconsider if getting an authentic oral sex-like experience is important to you.
The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation has a bigger nozzle than the Pro Penguin, which I recently tested and also enjoyed, so if you’ve got a bigger clitoris or like a slightly larger area stimulated, the Pro 2 would be a better choice over the Penguin (whereas I’d recommend you choose the Penguin if you prefer a bit more of a pinpoint sensation.)
My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)
It retails on LoveHoney for £69.99, which is not a horrendous price for a high-end sex toy. It’s also cheaper than the Womanizer toys (which start at £84.99.) That said, it’s a lot of money for a toy that doesn’t necessarily work for every vulva. But I suppose you take that risk with anything new! Lovehoney, incidentally, have a fantastic returns policy.
The nozzle, which is the only bit that makes direct contact with the vulva, is silicone, which is body safe, non toxic and non-porous. (Yay silicone!) The body is plastic.
Satisfyer’s toys are usually quite pretty (except the Penguin, which is just plain CUTE.) The Pro 2 Next Generation is a lovely rose-gold colour, which I think is fast becoming the new pink. (I’m fully on board with this, if I never see another neon pink sex toy it will be too soon.)
Ease of Use: ★★★
Definitely takes some practice to get it in the spot that will work for your body. One of the most noticeable improvements to the Next Generation model is how much easier the buttons are to press! I found the original’s buttons frustratingly difficult and they often stuck, but this newer model has done away with that issue almost entirely.
The other issue they’ve fixed – YESSSSS – is the issue of having to cycle through all 11 settings to get back to the previous one. On the Next Generation, the simple up/down controls mean you can dial it back a speed if you want to, without having to go all the way through (which I found threw me totally off my rhythm.) I’m delighted with these improvements. The Pro 2 Next Generation is quite heavy, so I don’t recommend it for people who like or need very light toys.
Ease of care & cleaning: ★★★
The head is detachable and you can purchase replacements (which, incidentally, come in two subtly different designs!) Being pure silicone, you can wash them with soap and hot water or boil for complete sterilising. The nozzle is bound to trap some lube and fluids. Though it isn’t possible to boil sterilise the whole toy, it is waterproof so you can submerge it for a thorough cleaning. This is a toy that you cannot realistically use with barriers of any kind. For this reason, I would recommend only sharing with a partner you’re fluid bonded to, or giving it a good thorough wash and changing the head between users. I would have given this section an extra star if they’d included a spare head or two with the toy.
You can really only use it in one way, but that’s okay for a toy that does what it does well! It has eleven different speed settings and is completely waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or shower. (Not being an underwater wanker, though, I have no idea how that would feel. Would it change the sensation!?)
My initial reaction to any Satisfyer, when I turn it on, is “this is too weak to do anything.” (Power Queen over here, #SorryNotSorry!) However: I really can’t grade it in the same way because it doesn’t function in the same way as a straightforward vibrator. The type of stimulation is completely different. Notably: the Pro 2 Next Generation and Pro Penguin Next Generation are the only toys currently in my collection that I DON’T just ramp up to max and leave there. Even the lower settings are quite pleasurable. A final note: another improvement on the original Pro 2 model is that this one is noticeably quieter. It’s not silent, but when it’s pressed against the body you’d struggle to hear it in the next room unless your walls are made of paper.
Overall Score: ★★★★
Some major issues with the original model ironed out, Satisfyer have delivered a lovely toy that delivered deliciously intense orgasms. A great choice for anyone who is into suction/air-wave based toys.
This toy was provided to me by Satisfyer in exchange for an honest review. This post contains an affiliate link to Lovehoney and if you buy through it, I make a small commission. This does not affect my views on the product which are, and will always be, my own.