Wow, can you believe it’s day 21 already? We’re almost finished with this year’s series of reviews featuring Lovehoney and Womanizer’s Sex Toy Advent Calendar. You can read all the posts here. And don’t forget to use my affiliate links if you decide to make a purchase of this or any other Lovehoney product!
Sex Toy Advent Calendar 2022 Day 21: Sexy Snap Position Cards
Product Info
A set of cards featuring various sex positions, plus instructions for two different games to play with them.
Pros
Quite inclusive; many of the positions will work for either vaginal or anal sex with their a bio cock or a strap-on.
Fun, playful and non-threatening way to try out new positions.
Reminds me of this scene from The Bold Type where Jane, Kat and Sutton test out one of Sage’s sex positions to “verify it’s physically possible.” I’m always happy to be reminded of my favourite show
Cons
Some of them require ridiculous core strength, upper body strength, or just indestructible furniture to pull off
Verdict
To be honest, my approach to penetrative sex has typically been “find two or three positions that work and just rotate them depending on mood and energy levels.” I imagine this is fairly normal, especially in long-term sexual relationships. If you’d like to try something new, this game will give you some inspiration. Just don’t be put off by the fact that some of these positions are not going to be physically possible for everyone.
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Couples’ Sex Toy Advent Calendar, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going! US readers can buy it here.
We’re now officially into the second half of this year’s review of Lovehoney’s Sex Toy Advent Calendar . Check out the whole series here and please consider using my affiliate links if you decide to make a purchase. It sends me a small commission at no additional cost to you!
Sex Toy Advent Calendar 2022 Day 19: Sex Dice
Product Info
A pair of dice, one listing acts (such as “kiss”, “nibble”, etc.) and one listing body parts. The idea is that you roll them together and then do the act stipulated.
Pros
Can be a fun way to explore different sensations
Sex is best when there’s laughter, and this guarantees plenty of that
Not gendered
Cons
Occasionally baffling combinations (no, I do not want you to suck my back, thanks!)
Verdict
I don’t have anything against the concept of sex dice, but I think they’re just not really for me. I prefer sex to be fluid rather than gamified and I’d rather just communicate and do what feels good in the moment. So while I think these would probably be great for some people (I’ve particularly found that sex games like this can be a fun icebreaker in group sex scenarios), I don’t think I’m one of those people.
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Couples’ Sex Toy Advent Calendar, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going! US readers can buy it here.
Update 04/03/22: this product is seasonal only and has been discontinued. Individual components may still be available.
It’s the penultimate day of my foray into the Lovehoney’s “Best Sex of Your Life” advent calendar. After yesterday’s “aaaaahhhhh”-inducing offering, I was hoping that Day 23 might show a little more promise.
Let’s open it up and find out.
Door #23: Sex Position Cards
Door #23 contains a set of sex position cards. There are 26 cards in total, with positions ranked “easy”, “medium”, or “difficult”. I think those rankings might be largely subjective, as all our bodies have their own strengths and weaknesses. But okay, I’ll run with it.
The deck begins with a card offering some safety tips. They’re pretty 101-level, which makes sense since this set is really aimed at beginners, but they’re solid: never leave a bound person alone, don’t tie someone too tightly, stop if something hurts, use a safeword, agree boundaries before you play. Cool. That’s basically the Safety & Consent 101 I’d want to give a complete beginner.
Each position has a name, many of which are punny or otherwise amusing. (The Thigh’s The Limit, Clitar Hero, and Deep G Diving are a few highlights). Each card contains a picture of how to do the position, and a short description of why it’s fun or how to make it hotter. You also get a handy list of which types of stimulation the position is best for (clitoral, G-spot, penis, balls, etc.) and suggested toys or implements to use.
I have not, of course, tried every single position on these cards. Some of them are fairly basic positions with quirky names (“The Elevator” is just someone on their knees giving their partner oral sex) while others are somewhere between “why?” and “likely to be physiologically impossible unless one of you is a size four and the other is a gym-bunny.” But for gaining ideas and inspiration, they’re perfectly fine.
For some reason, I’m now thinking about this scene from The Bold Type where Jane, Kat and Sutton test out one of Sage’s sex positions to “verify it’s physically possible.”
The Best Sex of Your Life adult advent calendar is a limited-edition product and retails for £120. Use my affiliate code “AFF-COFFKINK10” at checkout to get 10% off this or any other Lovehoney order! If you’re inspired to try more creative positions, the Position of the Week sex position cards retail for £9.99.
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!
Update 04/03/22: this product is seasonal only and has been discontinued. Individual components may still be available.
I’m currently reviewing Lovehoney’s “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar for couples, day by day. Behind each window is a sex toy or other sexy product. Though the set is gendered (I really wish they’d stop doing that!) and assumes a cisgender, heterosexual couple, many of the items can be used by people of all genders and body types.
So what’s behind Door #4?
Door #4: Sex Dice
Door #4 contains a pair of sex dice. The first die names a different body part on each side, and the second names various actions to do to those body parts. The idea is that you take turns to roll, then do the actions you land on.
I’ve never really got the point of the whole “sex dice” thing, personally. I can see that they maybe make sense, in a certain light, if you’re brand new to exploring each others’ bodies. I can also see these being a useful starting point for a couple who are struggling to communicate about their likes and desires, or for those who like plenty of laughs alongside their moans. But the whole system just feels too contrived and gamified to be sexy to me. I’d rather just communicate and do what feels good, personally.
But your mileage may vary! And if this seems like a useful way in (or the idea of being dommed by a pair of dice feels hot to you), then have at it.
The actual acts on these dice are fine, if a little unimaginative. They mostly involve doing different things with your mouth (lick, blow, nibble, kiss) or occasionally hands (massage) to the most common erogenous zones (penis/clitoris, nipples, inner thigh, butt, neck).
The nature of this sort of gane means you do occasionally get baffling combinations or those that wouldn’t work for a lot of people. I do NOT want anyone nibbling my clitoris, thank you. Ouch! But if you get a combo that doesn’t work for you, you can always just reroll.
Perfectly fine, but not really my thing.
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!
There are a number of things that are consistently more appealing in theory than in reality. One such concept? Sex games. Buckle in, folks – it’s #12DaysofLovehoney Day 5, and we’re looking at Bondage Seductions, a sex game by Kheper Games. (Check out the whole series here.)
Dear God, where to start?
Bondage Seductions is a sex game for couples. It retails for £24.99 at Lovehoney. The game arrives in a small square box, and inside you’ll find:
36 game cards
A pair of silky “ties” (lengths of ribbon)
2 dice
A red elasticated blindfold
A mini rubber flogger
The quality of these items is… Not Great. The flogger looks shoddily made and the materials of the ties and blindfold look and feel cheap. The cards contain the same copy in four languages (English, German, French, and Spanish.) I can’t speak for any of the other languages, but the English passages are poorly written and feature frequent typos and weird syntax.
Not a great first impression, but let’s keep going.
How it’s played
The rules are simple: roll the 2 dice, and choose the corresponding numbered card (they are numbered 1-1 through 6-6 – the red die indicate the first number, the black die the second number.)
Cards in red are “for her to read,” and cards in black are “for him to read” (more on that in a minute.) You read your chosen scenario and then act it out, using the included props as appropriate.
How is it problematic? Let me count the ways…
First, this game gets its terminology all wrong. Which might seem like a small thing, but is actually a big deal.
“Bondage” is not a synonym for “BDSM” or “kinky sex”. Bondage is one specific kink: restraining other people and/or being restrained. This game should be called “Kinky Seductions” or something, because most of it doesn’t involve bondage. Again: stop using “bondage” and “BDSM” interchangeably. They’re different things.
The game also continually uses the word “whip” to describe a flogger. Again, they’re completely different implements! The two words are not synonymous! This is a whip.This is a flogger. The item in this game is (an admittedly shit excuse for) a flogger.
Terminology matters in kink, because we can only negotiate and talk about our desires and limits effectively if we use the right language. If someone says they like whips but they actually mean floggers… you see how that could lead to some really troublesome miscommunications? Plus, beginners should not be using actual whips! Single-tail whips are seriously dangerous pieces of kit that can put you or your partner in hospital if you don’t know what you’re doing. They require training and practice to use properly. Using the correct terminology helps keep people safe.
(The game also, even more inexplicably, refers to the flogger as a “paddle”. This is a paddle.)
Secondly, this game is lax to the point of being irresponsible when it comes to safety. There are cards that explain what safewords are and how to use them, which I guess is something. There’s also a mention of consent and only going as far as you want to go in the instructions. But that’s it – and that’s not enough.
Several of the activities listed can be dangerous either physically (e.g. spanking) or psychologically (e.g. non-consent roleplay) if done incorrectly. While I appreciate that game creators can’t give an essay on safety for every activity, some context is essential.
I was horrified to see one card suggesting that you flog your lover’s back, without making any distinction between hitting the upper back and shoulders (generally fine) and hitting the lower back, kidney area, and spine (incredibly dangerous and absolutely NOT fine.)
We can’t just nudge total newbies into impact play or non-consent roleplay scenes without telling them how to do so and emerge unharmed. This is grossly irresponsible.
Unnecessary gendering like whoa
This game takes unnecessary and aggressive gendering to the next level. It begins from the premise of assuming the players are a heterosexual, cisgender couple. There was absolutely no reason to do that! The cards could easily have been split by Top/bottom rather than male/female, or even just included a bunch of scenarios and left it to the players to decide who would take which roles.
It’s also not just cisheteronormative, but incredibly sexist. Here are a few choice quotes (all genuine, all copied down verbatim):
“Doesn’t he know you’d have an orgasm on the spot if he’d lift a finger and do the dishes for once in his life?”
“Perhaps he’d chatting with his mother when he should be asking about your day? Or worse yet… screaming at other drivers when he should be offering you compliments about your new hairdo!”
“Men are visual, and women are more sensitive to touch.”
“Don’t you wish sometimes that he would just shut up?”
This game was designed by people who don’t have a very good opinion of either men or women. It also seems to carry the assumption that people in heterosexual partnerships kinda hate each other. And honestly, I just find that sad.
ALSO. There are two cards titled “Safe Word For Her” and “Safe Word for Him.” Apart from the pronouns, these two cards are identical. There is literally zero point to this. Just have one safeword card or explain the concept in the rules! Seriously, this takes “gendering things that have no reason to be” to the next level.
The verdict
Bondage Seductions is just… really, really bad. It’s not just cheesy, cheap, and badly put-together. It encourages some really questionable – and even dangerous – practices and pushes overly rigid gender roles.
I can’t even say it’s good for people exploring BDSM for the first time, because it isn’t. It doesn’t help you to communicate your desires, explore things safely, or actually figure out what you like.
Seriously. Do not bother. This is awful.
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Buying me a coffee is a great way to do that!
