Tag: fantasies

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How to Make Sex Toy Use More Kinky

Published on by Amy

Given that I’ve somehow built an entire career out of talking about them (I know, it’s still totally bonkers to me too!) it will come as no surprise that I love both sex toys and kink a whole bunch. But what about all the fun ways you can combine them? Using sex toys isn’t necessarily a kinky activity in itself though, as with anything else, what makes an activity “kinky” is mostly in your mindset around it anyway. Someone’s vanilla is someone else’s edge play. One person’s hardcore BDSM is another person’s average Friday night.

Whether you’re a kinkster who loves using toys or a toy aficionado who wants to bring a little more kink into your bedroom, why not try some of these fun strategies to kink up your sex toy use?

Play Kinky Edging and Denial Games with Sex Toys

The reason most people use sex toys? Because toys get them off. Often because toys make them come faster, harder, or more easily than other types of stimulation. But what if you kinda get off on not getting off? Well, sex toys are amazing for playing kinky edging and orgasm denial games.

You can do this with a partner or by yourself. Simply use your favourite vibrator or masturbator (or have your partner use it on you), get close to orgasm, and then… stop.

From here, you have a few options. You can edge as many times as you like and then cum. You can edge as many times as you like and then not cum, allowing that delicious sexual tension and frustration to build. Or you can ruin your orgasm by removing stimulation the second you tip over the edge. Many sexual masochists find ruined orgasms exquisitely painful.

Toys and Bondage

Do you like getting a little tied up or tying your partner up? Sex toys can be a super fun addition to bondage—any kinky activity involving restraining someone or being restrained. Bondage can range from something as simple as immobilising your partner and using toys on them, to complex predicament ties or rope harnesses designed to hold sex toys in place. I find this type of play pairs particularly well with forced orgasms (more on that in a minute.)

You can even play with toys and bondage by yourself. Self-bondage (AKA solo bondage and self-tying) is very popular and you can find tutorials online to help you learn how to do it.

Always follow safety protocols: keep a cutting tool for rope or the keys for any locking restraints within reach, keep your phone within reach in case you need to call for help should something go wrong, and never put rope or restraints around your or your partner’s neck. (Not so fun fact: the overwhelming majority of kink-related deaths are attributed to breath restriction, and autoerotic asphyxiation in particular. Please just don’t go there.)

Forced Orgasm

A forced orgasm is when a consenting person is “made” to cum in a way that may be beyond their physical control. It can work particularly well for those who are multi-orgasmic or for those who find continued stimulation after the point of orgasm painful or uncomfortable in an enjoyable way.

For some people, the kink lies in trying to resist the climax until their body succumbs to the sensation. For others, the hot part is being made to cum repeatedly until they physically (or psychologically) cannot any longer.

Toys are great for forced orgasm play because they can create sensations more intense and overwhelming than bodies can typically produce by themselves. I find that wand vibrators are particularly perfect for forced orgasms because they’re just so intensely and overwhelmingly powerful. They also work equally well on both penises and vulvas. To keep your hands free while you force orgasms from your submissive, try a wand harness.

Sex Toys as Rewards for a Submissive in a Kinky Dynamic

If you’re in a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship or playing with some kind of power dynamic in the bedroom or in your relationship, you may want to incorporate rules, rewards, and punishments in some way. Favourite sex toys can be a great motivator in this type of kinky relationship.

For example, time with a favourite sex toy can be a great reward for an obedient submissive. On the other hand, refusing them permission to masturbate or use toys can be an effective punishment. Remember to negotiate thoroughly in advance to make sure you’re both happy with the rules, rewards, and punishments you agree on.

Play with Threesome or Group Sex Fantasies

Threesomes, foursomes, orgies, and other group sex configurations are tremendously popular fantasies that strike a chord with many people. In fact, according to some sources, having a threesome is the most popular sexual fantasy for people of all genders!

Actually having group sex is certainly possible, and it’s something many people enjoy very much. However, there are many considerations to take into account if you’ve never done it before: jealousy and insecurities, navigating multiple people’s boundaries, and the ways in which your relationship may change are just some of them.

If you’re not ready to go there for real, or prefer to keep it in the realm of fantasy, then you can use a sex toy to simulate your group sex desires without the emotional or relational risk. Realistic dildos, sex dolls, and lifelike pussy-style strokers are ideal for this type of fantasy.

…And Get Creative!

What about you, folks? Any creative or unique ideas on how to get kinky with your favourite sex toys? As with anything in the realm of kink, sex, and toys, you’re limited only by creativity, consent, and your imaginations. So play, explore, don’t be afraid to try things out, and have fun with it.

This post was kindly sponsored by BestVibe, and my readers can enjoy 20% off all products in their store by using code “coffee” at checkout! All writing and views are, as always, mine.

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5 Great Reasons to Buy a Sex Doll

Published on by Amy

We’ve been hearing a lot about sex dolls over the last few years. These anthropomorphic sex toys are designed to look and feel like a human body, or part of one. Some sex dolls encompass the entire body. Many more are torso-only or even just a specific body part such as a butt, pelvis and genitals, or pair of breasts. They may be made of silicone, or of another soft and flexible material such as TPE. For some people, sex dolls are a kink in and of themselves.

(Sex dolls are distinguishable from sex robots. The latter refers to technology incorporating artificial intelligence that can mimic human-like behaviour in a more realistic way. True AI sex robots are still largely theoretical.)

Should I Get a Sex Doll? Ethical Myths

First, let me tell you a couple of misconceptions about sex dolls that might be on your mind if you’re wondering whether you should get one. Here are a couple of things I don’t believe about sex dolls.

First, I do not believe there is an inherent ethical issue in the use of a sex doll, any more than I believe there is one with using a dildo, vibrator, or stroker. However realistic it may look, a sex doll is an inanimate object. It is not a person, it is not sentient, and I have not seen any compelling evidence to suggest that use of these toys leads to the mistreatment or dehumanisation of actual human partners.

Should I Get a Sex Doll If I Have a Partner?

I also do not believe a doll can “replace” a human partner, any more than any other sex toy can. A toy or sex doll can give you sexual pleasure. That is its entire purpose! But it cannot hold you after sex, snuggle with you on the couch and watch movies, support your dreams, bring you soup when you’re sick, or take you out on cute dates. The differences between a sex doll and a human partner are so vast and obvious that to me, the idea of the former replacing the latter is just utterly absurd.

Though they’re most commonly marketed to straight, cisgender men, people of all genders and sexualities can (and do) buy and enjoy sex dolls. Here are a few great reasons you might want to consider trying one.

Sex Dolls Are Fun

Duh, right? But ultimately, the purpose of any sex toy is to provide fun and sexual pleasure. Sex dolls are no different. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, keeping up a regular solo sex life is still really important to many people.

Masturbation is healthy and normal. The overwhelming majority of people do it. As long as you follow a few basic safety precautions, it’s a pretty much risk-free way to get your sexual needs met. Using sex toys, including sex dolls, can absolutely be a part of that.

Maintain an Active Fantasy Life

Most people have sexual fantasies of one form or another. These can range from the very simple (thinking about having sex with your crush or going down on your partner) to incredibly elaborate fantasies with a plot and a whole cast of characters. It’s all normal and, as long as you can maintain a clear distinction between fantasy and reality, completely healthy.

Using toys such as sex dolls can help to make your fantasy or kink feel more realistic, allowing you to act out or simulate aspects of it. And if you fantasise about playing with someone with specific physical attributes, you can often find a sex doll that caters to exactly those preferences.

Try Out New Techniques

No matter how long we’ve been sexually active, all of us have so much more we could learn about sex. This is because human sexuality is infinitely varied and often changes throughout people’s lifetimes.

Perhaps you want to try a new sexual position, learn some new oral sex tricks, or perfect your hand sex game. Or perhaps you’ve seen something interesting in a porn clip, read about it, or learned about it during a class and now want to give it a go. Buying and using a doll can be a fun way to try out and practice new things which you might want to bring into the bedroom with your current or future partners. Some people also use sex dolls to practice kink skills such as rope bondage or impact play before attempting them with a human partner.

Remember that a sex doll cannot respond or give feedback, but your human partners absolutely can. So get consent and pay attention to their responses at every stage.

You Should Get a Sex Doll if You’d Like to Experiment with Threesome Fantasies Risk-Free

Threesomes are one of the most common sexual fantasties, and seem to strike a chord across genders and sexual orientations. However, bringing them to life is not necessarily as easy as it sounds. Finding two people who are both into you and also into each other is just the first hurdle. After that, you’ve also got to navigate three people’s sexual needs as well as handle any unexpected emotional reactions that might come up. Many people who do manage to pull it off find that the reality does not match up to the fantasy.

While it’s definitely not exactly the same thing as bringing in an additional human partner, using a sex doll can allow a couple to simulate a group sex kink without the emotional and relational risk that can accompany doing it for real.

Sex Dolls Are More Affordable Than Ever

Historically, quality dolls were tremendously expensive. However, they are becoming more and more affordable and options are now available for a range of budgets. A basic doll can start from around $100.

This post was sponsored by Tantaly, purveyors of high-quality torso sex dolls. All writing and views are my own.

chastity belt review header

[Kink Product Review] Oxy Bellatrix Chastity Belt

Published on by Amy

Readers are always asking me for recommendations for the best chastity belts for people with vulvas (often referred to as female chastity belts.) Something about the chastity belt kink—being locked up, unable to touch yourself, unable to be penetrated—seems to strike a chord with a lot of people. Perhaps it’s because the idea of giving someone else control over your sexual pleasure and release feels like the ultimate act of submission.

I’ve always been a bit stuck for what to recommend. Cheaper belts tend to not have the desired effect of preventing or inhibiting stimulation. More effective ones tend to be eye-wateringly expensive, easily running to hundreds of dollars. Until now, I haven’t been able to find one that sits at the intersection of effective and relatively affordable.

That’s why, when Oxy (an online kink store with an extensive range) got in touch and invited me to review for them, I jumped at the chance to get my hands on this product.

Oxy Kink Store Bellatrix: Best Chastity Belt for People with Vulvas (AKA Female Chastity Belt)

The Bellatrix Chastity Belt from Oxy Kink Store is made of stainless steel with silicone surrounds for comfort. The silicone is available in black, white, pink, or blue. I opted for simple, elegant black for mine. It comes with two mini padlocks, each with spare keys, and some spare screws.

Oxy Bellatrix female chastity belt

My belt arrived promptly, discreetly packaged in a plain brown parcel. Due to the shape, the belt comes packaged in two separate main pieces, with bubble wrap packaging protecting it. This means you need to put it together. This can take a few minutes to figure out, but it’s fairly self-explanatory (I found that looking at the picture of the whole piece on the website helped.) Some of the screws are quite small and fiddly, so set up your belt in a space with good lighting and be patient.

All belts are made to order in your size and choice of colour. The lead time is 10-15 days, so plan ahead for this one. You can also use this belt with fitted vaginal and anal plugs, if you wish (sold separately.)

Chastity Kink Belt: Fit, Comfort and Care

My Bellatrix Chastity Belt runs true to size and they’re also quite adjustable. So don’t worry if you gain or lose some weight. Though they’re made to your sizing specifications, there’s always multiple settings so you can tighten or loosen it if you need to.

Oxy Bellatrix female chastity belt
Oxy Bellatrix female chastity belt
Oxy Bellatrix female chastity belt

This Oxy Kink Store chastity belt is also more comfortable than I really expected it to be. It sits comfortably around the waist, and the silicone stops the stainless steel from digging into your skin while you’re wearing it. You can wear it directly against your body, or over an item of clothing such as underwear or skin-hugging trousers if you prefer. The plate that sits directly over the vulva has lots of small airholes in it, allowing your body to breathe and helping to prevent overheating.

The Bellatrix Chastity Belt is made of body-safe and non-porous materials which are easy to clean. Wash your belt between wears with warm soapy water, dry it off as well as you can, and then leave it to dry completely. You can also give it a quick interim clean with a body-safe sterile wipe.

Does It Work?

I’ve tried cheaper chastity devices and those made of softer materials, such as leather, in the past. Though sexy as part of a fantasy, none of them were really effective insofar as actually preventing the wearer from touching themselves.

In this regard, the Bellatrix Chastity Belt absolutely delivers. Once it’s properly fitted, the wearer has no way to reach their vagina and clitoris. So yes, it works beautifully.

Is the Oxy Kink Store Chastity Belt Suitable for Long-Term Wear?

For many people, the fantasy of a chastity belt is that their partner locks them in and simply leaves them in it for days, weeks… or even months or years. While this is hot in theory, it’s really not practical in reality.

Though it’s theoretically possible for people with penises, it’s possibly risky long term (particularly if you’re regularly wearing the device overnight.) And for people with vulvas, I’m just not at all sure it’s physically possible. Long-term wear of even the most comfortable and well-fitted chastity belt is likely to cause rubbing and chafing after a while. Having stainless steel and silicone around your bits for too long can cause excess sweating and the trapping of bacteria, which could lead to infections such as thrush, yeast infections, and bacterial vaginosis (BV.) Of course, blocking the vagina also harms its ability to keep itself clean.

Oxy Bellatrix female chastity belt

Full chastity belts can also inhibit your ability to wipe or wash properly after going to the bathroom. So if you’re going to wear it long term, you’ll need to be fastidious about hygiene and probably remove it completely at least once a day to wash yourself and the belt.

Honestly, I think true permanent or very-long-term chastity is in the realm of “doesn’t work in reality.” So no, this belt isn’t truly suitable for long-term continuous wear. But to be honest, I don’t believe there’s a device in existence that is. That’s no shade to the product (which is excellent) at all. That’s just physiology.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a hell of a lot of fun with the fantasy! In my experience, kink is really not about what is literally true or possible. It’s about playing with ideas, with dynamics, with emotions and desires and the hidden parts of ourselves. Toys and accessories are tools we use to help ourselves get into those mindsets and bring those fantasies to life. Our minds and bodies have to do the rest of the work.

A Few Fun Ways to Play with a Chastity Belt

Curious about chastity play but not sure where to start? I thought it would be fun to include a few ideas to get you started. As always, take what works for you, modify as you like, and leave the rest!

Oxy Bellatrix female chastity belt

  • If you go to kink events such as play parties, wearing or having your submissive partner wear a chastity belt at one of these events can add a hot semi-public aspect to your play.
  • Have your partner wear the belt and then tease them by touching every other erogenous part of their body. How long will it be before they beg you to unlock them?
  • If you’re playing solo, wear the belt and then do everything you can to turn yourself on. See how long you can stand it before you just have to take it off and touch yourself.
  • Ahead of a date, have the submissive partner wear the belt. The dominant partner can then text them all kinds of sexy thoughts to turn them on.

A quick note on safety: if you’re going to play with this belt when the wearer and keyholder aren’t physically together, always make sure the wearer has a spare key for emergencies.

Verdict

Sexy and huge fun! I’m really impressed with this belt. It’s well made with body-safe materials, does the job well, and is comfortable to wear. Top marks all around.

The Bellatrix Chastity Belt retails for $130 (that’s just under £110). This is honestly a very competitive price point for a stainless steel belt that is custom made for your measurements.

Thanks to Oxy for sending me their best-rated vulva chastity belt (AKA female chastity belt) to review. All opinions and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

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How Audio Erotica is Making Smut More Inclusive

Published on by Amy
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There are various different ways to consume erotic content, from written stories to visual pornography. Audio smut has rapidly emerged as a popular third option. Audio erotica from platforms such as Sofia Sins is making smut more welcoming, more inclusive, and more enjoyable for everyone. 

More Ways to Consume Erotic Stories

Many people find written or visual porn inaccessible for various reasons. For people who are blind or visually impaired, many traditional porn videos are likely to be somewhat or completely inaccessible. While many sites offering written stories can be used via a screen reader, that’s not necessarily a super appealing option.

But audio erotica opens up a whole new avenue of accessibility and enjoyment. The best audio smut is narrated by skilled voice performers with sexy voices (which can, of course, mean different things to different people.) Because quality erotica is for everyone, regardless of ability and regardless of whether they choose to watch it, read it, or listen to it. 

Audio Smut is Often Pleasure Focused and Sex Positive 

Whenever I’ve engaged with audio porn I’ve found the stories to be pleasure-focused, consent-minded, and generally sex positive, featuring mutually pleasurable sexual scenarios. This isn’t true across the board, of course, but it’s been the case more often than not in my experience.

So much mainstream porn is focused on male pleasure and the male gaze. But audio smut creators understand that women, non-binary folks, and queer people want quality erotic material just as much as cis men do. And they’re giving it to us.

I’ve also found that audio porn trends much less towards using dehumanising terminologies and categorisations. Mainstream porn sites often use terms that are problematic at best, and downright sexist, ageist, racist, or transphobic at worst. I haven’t encountered the same issue nearly as much in the audio smut space. 

Audio Smut Offers More Options for Creative Scenarios

Don’t get me wrong, porn makers and performers can get very creative! But ultimately, visual content will always be limited by what’s possible (and affordable) to pull off on screen. Audio erotica, though, allows for almost anything that the writers and creators can dream up.

So if immersing yourself in a futuristic, fantastical, or historical scenario sounds up your street, or you fantasise about sexual acts that are physically or biologically impossible or simply impractical to live out in reality, you can find all of those things and so much more. 

Sofia Sins Audio Erotica: A Discreet Option

You wouldn’t watch visual porn while on the Tube or while walking to work, right? And while it’s possible to sneakily read written erotica via a Kindle or smartphone app, there’s always the danger of someone looking over your shoulder. Discretion is required when consuming erotic content. The people around you didn’t consent to be exposed to it.

Audio smut, though, is easy to enjoy anywhere. Just choose your story, pop your headphones in, and no-one will be any the wiser. You could be listening to the morning news or a perfectly innocent podcast, for all anyone around you knows.

This is also particularly useful for those who need privacy because they live with family or have roommates or children at home.

Audio Smut Mitigates Many Ethical Concerns

There’s a huge amount of feminist, queer, consensual and ethical porn out there. I rarely watch porn but when I do, I prefer to access it either from trusted ethical producers or from independent producers who create, share, and sell their own content.

For the average consumer, though, the large free sites are still by far the most popular way to access porn. And while these sites do contain some good and ethical content, they’re also rife with stolen, non-consensual, and abusive material.

If you’ve ever watched mainstream porn and wondered whether the performers are really consenting or whether they’re being abused or coerced, you’re not alone. It’s a real and valid concern. Audio smut removes many of these potential harms.

Audio Smut Allows You to Insert Yourself Into a Fantasy

One of the biggest downsides of watching porn is that I can’t often find scenarios I find hot with bodies that look like mine or like the people I find most attractive. This makes it hard to get immersed in the fantasy.

But when all I’ve got is a voice, I can envision the main characters looking however I want them to look. Instead of the narrow and normative beauty standards set by mainstream porn, you’ve suddenly got a whole world of potential. 

Audio smut makes it easier to mentally put yourself into the scenario. Since the action all takes place in your ears and your mind, you can immerse yourself and place yourself into whichever role takes your fancy. Do you want to be the whip-wielding Domme? The helpless maiden? A member of the couple exploring group sex for the first time? Now you can.

Sofia Sins actually takes this premise a step further. When you choose the story you want to listen to, you can read a little bio for each of the main characters and decide whose perspective you want to hear. 

FYI: today’s post was sponsored by Sofia Sins audio smut subscription platform with subscriptions from just $29.99 per year. All views, as always, are my own! 

Bellesa Plus. Woman of colour with curly hair posing on a bed in lingerie

What is Ethical Porn and How Can It Enhance Your Sex Life?

Published on by Amy1 Comment

I have no problem with porn, but I do have a pretty big problem with the mainstream porn industry. The largest and most dominant pornographic sites have come under fire for hosting non-consensual material including so-called “revenge porn” (i.e. image-based abuse) and even child abuse material. They also often steal content from indie and amateur creators. But all porn isn’t like that and there is an alternative. If you’ve never explored ethical porn, you’re missing out. But what is ethical porn all about and how is Bellesa bringing it to more bedrooms?

Bellesa Plus ethical porn streaming platform

Today I’m spotlighting ethical porn platform Bellesa Plus, a streaming platform that calls itself “The Netflix of Porn” with prices starting from $3 per month. The higher prices offer special perks, such as free sex toys and gift cards to the Bellesa Boutique (BBoutique), but the low entry point means you can enjoy more ethical adult content even if you’re on a budget. 

But What is Ethical Porn?

As with many of the things we consume, from food to media, people are becoming more and more concerned about the ethics behind their porn. Untangling exactly what constitutes ethical porn can be a minefield, especially given that the porn industry is still often defending its right to exist at all. 

Here are four things that I believe go into making porn ethical. These are bare minimum standards, not a comprehensive framework; the porn industry is massive and complicated, and this issue is far too nuanced to sum up in a single post.

This might seem like a bare minimum standard, but it’s missing from a shocking amount of mainstream porn. 100% of Bellesa’s content features consenting adults having consensual sex that has been consensually filmed. 

Performers have the opportunity to negotiate with their partner before filming starts, exploring their likes and dislikes. If a scene involves roleplay, performers will receive a brief about their role in plenty of time to ensure they’re comfortable with it. 

Ethical Porn Centres Chemistry and Connection

I don’t watch porn very often. I tend to prefer my erotic material in written form. When I do watch porn, I often gravitate towards amateur content because it feels so much more authentic. Whatever the specific acts that they’re engaging in, ultimately I want to watch people who truly like (or even love) each other having hot sex that they’re genuinely enjoying. 

Many mainstream porn studios don’t give performers much choice who they work with. Part of Bellesa’s ethical framework involves pairing performers who truly have chemistry and actually want to have sex with each other. Because real connection and attraction makes for much hotter content and a much better working environment for the performers. 

Women as Subjects, Not Objects 

One of the things that will turn me off the fastest in any porn scene is seeing women being objectified. This is apparent in everything from the naming of scenes to the ways in which female pleasure is explored (or, often, ignored.) 

Ethical porn puts the pleasure of all participants front and center. Ethical porn depicts women as full human beings with their own desires and erotic agency. In other words, subjects of pleasure, not objects to be acted upon. Bellesa porn is directed and produced by women, headed up by the inimitable Jacky St. James. 

A Safe and Respectful Working Environment

Making pornography is work, and hard work at that. Performers deserve a safe working environment just as much as employees in any other industry. 

This can be as simple as prioritizing their comfort on set, such as making sure they’re well fed and hydrated. Sexual safety is important too, whether that’s ensuring plenty of lube is used or carrying out rigorous testing for STIs and COVID-19. And, of course, performers must retain the right to say no or to call “cut” on a scene for any reason.

Performers should also be fairly compensated for the work they do. Many porn performers say they love their job, but it can also be physically and emotionally taxing at times. Performers are workers and deserve to be paid a fair rate. 

How Ethical Porn Can Enhance Your Sex Life 

Despite what naysayers might say about it, I believe that porn can be a healthy and positive addition to your sex life, whether you’re single or partnered. When you make a point of consuming ethical porn, you can feel good about your viewing habits.

Here are three ways ethical porn can enhance your sex life. 

Get New Ideas

I recently experimented with a new kink activity with my partner. Why? Because I saw this specific act in a porn clip, thought it looked hot, and asked him if he’d be willing to try it with me.

Good, ethical porn has the potential to introduce you to new kinks, activities, and ways of having sex that you might never have thought of before. While you might not want to try everything you see, some things are sure to resonate. 

One of the things I love most about human sexuality is its infinite variety. Every single day, people are having sex in endlessly creative ways, many of which I’m sure I’ve never even thought of (and you probably haven’t, either!) Ethical porn gives you a consensual window into other people’s bedrooms and allows you to draw inspiration from what you see. 

Enjoy Things You Can’t Do in Real Life

Perhaps there are things you fantasize about but can’t (or don’t want to) do in real life. For example, you might be a bisexual person in a monogamous relationship with a different-gender partner. Watching porn can allow you to express your attraction to same-gendered people without changing the relationship you have with your partner. 

Or maybe you have a particular fetish that your partner doesn’t share. If your relationship agreements don’t allow for getting that itch scratched with others, porn featuring your kink is another ethical and safe sexual outlet. 

It’s also valid to enjoy things in fantasy that you don’t want to do in real life. Let’s say you fantasize about gangbangs but consider the idea too risky to carry out in reality. Ethical porn is a wonderful way to enjoy your fantasies in a safe way that doesn’t carry any of the real-world risk that might come with realising them. 

Boost Your Desire

For many people, including me, arousal begets arousal. In other words, the more you masturbate, have sex, or consume erotic media, the more you’ll want to. The anti-porn crowd would say this is a bad thing, but I believe it can be just the opposite! After all, sexual pleasure is healthy and orgasms are good for us. Why not seek a little more of both in your life? 

So if you’re looking to get in the mood more often or more easily, pulling up your favourite steamy scene can help make that happen. Whether you watch alone or with a partner, the right porn can help to fire up your libido when it needs a little extra help. 

Want to Explore Ethical Porn?

If so, grab yourself a Bellesa Plus ethical porn subscription. You’ll get access to top content from 50+ premium porn channels, unlimited 4K streaming, access to interactive sex education content, and unlimited access to over 600 erotic stories. You’ll also enjoy 24/7 support, discreet and secure billing, and an ad-free viewing experience. 

Best of all, you can get off to some of the hottest content you’ll find anywhere, and know that you’re supporting a company doing good in this industry. 

Bellesa Plus ethical porn logo

FYI: this post was sponsored by Bellesa. All views, as ever, are my own. 

Woman peeking over the top of a book for a post about why reading erotic stories is good for you

5 Reasons Why I Read Erotica (and You Should Too!)

Published on by Amy3 Comments

When I first started this blog, it was not cool to admit to reading erotic stories and enjoying them. Historically, erotica got a bad rap. Anything connected to sex tended to be – and occasionally still is – treated as dirty or shameful. Even now, as a pastime that is disproportionately enjoyed by women, reading so-called “spicy” books and writing erotic stories is often seen as something silly and frivolous.

At the time of editing, it’s been 14 years since Fifty Shades of Grey made E.L James a household name, but people were still trying to convinve each other they read this inexplicably-bestselling drivel for the gripping plot well into the 2020s. This post, in its original form, was a kind of defence of erotica. Over the last few years, though, the rise of phenomena like “romantasy” and #BookTok have made erotica well and truly mainstream.

Despite the Fifty Shades effect and still-pervasive stereotypes, not all erotica is abusive billionaires masquerading as Doms. Not all erotica is bad fanfiction. In fact, there are some truly wonderful smutty stories out there and I firmly believe that reading erotic fiction can be good for you. Masturbation is healthy, pleasure matters, and I am thrilled that erotica is having a mainstream moment. Here’s why.

Reading Erotic Stories is a Safer Way to Explore Fantasies and Limits

Reading about something is generally infinitely safer than doing it.

If you have a kink, fantasy, or sexual interest you can’t or don’t want to explore in reality, reading erotic stories about it can be great way to scratch that itch. You can’t get hurt by reading about something. No-one else’s consent is required. And no, it’s not cheating.

Reading about various kinds of sex is also a good way to discover your kinks, understand more about your internal erotic landscape, and explore in a low-pressure setting if you’re not sure whether something will work for you or not.

And in case you’re wondering: yes, it’s fine (and normal) to get turned on by something in fiction that you wouldn’t want to actually do in real life.

Fiction Can Introduce You to New Erotic Ideas, Archetypes, and Roles

I was reading erotic fiction with dominance and submission themes long before I was practicing BDSM in real life. Erotica helped me to discover the types of scenarios that interested me, the names and words that turn me on… and also the things that completely leave me cold. Reading and enjoying sapphic erotica was also a huge part of coming to accept my own queerness.

Erotica can introduce you to kinks you never knew existed, make you feel less alone in your sexual interests, or even help to open up lines of communication about kinks, fantasies and erotic ideas with your partner (more about that in a minute.)

For women, queer folks, trans people, kinksters, and anyone else whose identity is marginalised, spicy books or erotic stories online may be the first place we ever see sexuality like ours represented.

It Can Turn You On and Get You Off (Obviously)

This is perhaps the most obvious reason to read erotic stories, but it’s also still surprisingly taboo to say. Enjoying sexual arousal and pleasure for its own sake is a good thing.

For people with responsive sexual desire, erotic stimulus (such as making out or talking dirty with a partner or consuming erotic content) can not only heighten desire, but may be necessary to creating it in the first place. Whether you’re looking to turn yourself on for a lengthy solo or partnered sex session or have a quick orgasm before you go to sleep, erotica can help get you there.

Reading or Sharing Erotic Stories Can Improve Sexual Communication

Sharing the erotica you enjoy can be a great way to share what turns you on with your partner. Perhaps saying out loud that you want to be submissive in the bedroom feels scary, but pointing them to a story with those themes feels like an easier way into the negotiation.

Reading erotica together, or even reading it aloud to each other, can also be an incredibly hot time.

And, Yes, the Plots Can Be Good!

I don’t (usually) read smut for the story. But there are definitely erotic stories and novels out there that have compelling plots, engaging characters, and other things to recommend them besides the steamy scenes.

Where Can You Find Good Erotica?

Spicy books are often associated with, and primarily marketed to, cis women. However, erotica is for everyone. Regardless of your gender, orientation, and particular interests or kinks, there’s bound to be something in the wide world of smutty stories that appeals to you. And if no-one has written the story you want to read? Well, why not give it a go?

Erotica is tremendously personal and we all like different things. I’m not going to recommend personal favourites as they may not do anything for you.

Check out the erotica or romance section at your local bookshop. Check out #Bookstagram or #Booktok for recommendations. Follow readers’ groups on Facebook or Reddit, or check out the “Spicy” category on Goodreads.

If you want to read free erotic stories online, Literotica is probably the largest repository. Thousands of amateur writers have uploaded more than half a million stories for you to enjoy. There’s a lot of crap, of course, but some gems too. You can search by category, keyword, or tags. If you like your erotica with a side of visuals, why not check out some adult graphic novels?

If you have a Kindle, there are thousands of erotic novels, novellas, and stories ranging from free to a few dollars each. The Kindle Unlimited subscription allows you to rent some of them for free. Prefer to listen rather than read? Check out audio erotica.

Finally, of course, read your favourite sex bloggers, many of whom publish smutty true or fictional stories.

A hand holding a mobile phone, header for a post about sexting tips

6 Tips for Amazing Sexting

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Sexting has played a role in my sex life on and off over the years. As someone with a tendency to crush on (and sometimes date) attractive humans who live far away from me, sending and receiving sexy messages is a pretty ideal way to keep sexual connections going, and spark new ones, amidst my busy life. I like to think I’m a pretty good sexter at this point, so I thought I’d share six of my best sexting tips to help you and your partner(s) get more out of your erotic exchanges.

These tips are based on trial, error, experience, common sense, and feedback.

1. Perhaps the Best Sexting (and Sex) Tip of All: Pay Attention

Paying close, attuned attention to your partner(s) is perhaps the most critical part of any sexual encounter. When someone’s words are all you have to go on, and there are no body-language or tone or breathing cues to help you, it’s essential to tune into how they’re actually responding, not how you wish they were responding.

Are you getting a lot of positive feedback? Are they telling you it’s making them wet or hard or distracted? Have they added their own bits to the sexy narrative you’re building together?

If you’re getting one-word (or emoji), vague, or noncommittal responses, it’s probably a good time to pause and check in with your partner to make sure this is working for them. They might need a change of direction for the chat, or it might be time to take a pause or switch to non-sexual conversation for a bit.

2. Mirror Their Words Back to Them

This tip ties into the above: when you’re sexting, what terms does the other person use? How do they refer to their body, their genitals, the acts you’re discussing, or the dynamic between you? Are there particular phrases that come up again and again? Take these cues and mirror similar language back.

Many people have very strong associations with certain words, good or bad. For example, perhaps referring to a person’s genitals as their cunt makes them intensely uncomfortable, but the word “pussy” gets them going. Or vice-versa. Some people would love being called a filthy little slut, while others would find it degrading and demeaning in a negative way and would prefer you to hit them with some of their favourite praise-kink phrases. Take terminology and tone cues from your partner.

3. Keep It Simple

Sexting, despite what tips urging you to “get creative” might imply, is not a good time for flowery prose. (For real, there is no good time for flowery prose in my opinion.) Please leave out the tortured metaphors, cringey euphemisms, and comparisons to flowers or foodstuffs. Unless you want your sexts to be an entry in the Bad Sex Awards, that is.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Explore New Territory…

Many people find sexting a relatively low-pressure and low-risk environment compared to in-person sex. This can make it the a great way to test out new kinks and fantasies that you might not be sure about.

Perhaps you’re not sure if you’d like something in reality but want to fantasise about it. Maybe something you want to explore in the fantasy realm is impossible or impractical to make into a reality, due to relationship dynamics or logistical challenges or the laws of physics. Or perhaps you’d simply like to try out a new roleplay dynamic, honorific, or kinky persona.

Don’t make a sudden left turn in the conversation without your partner’s input and consent. If you want to try something new, introduce it gently and get their buy-in before you do. Checking for consent can be a part of the scene and can be sexy in itself.

Pro tip: if you want to introduce something new mid-sexting, try a phrase like:

  • “I wonder how you’d react if I…”
  • “I kinda want to call you…”
  • “How do you feel about…?”
  • “I’ve been fantasising a lot about…”

Judge their reaction and proceed accordingly. And if they’re not into it, don’t panic. You can say “thanks for telling me where you’re at” and things can recover and carry on just fine.

6. And Perhaps the Best Sexting Tip I’ve Ever Received: Approach It As a Collaboration, Not a Performance

Again, this is arguably not just a tip for the best sexting of your life, but a tip for sex in general.

Sexting is all about building a scenario, scene, or encounter together with your partner(s). It’s not a monologue or a one-person show. Rather than starting out with an ultra-specific idea of where you want the chat to go, allow it to grow organically. Listen and respond at least as much as you type, and follow the energy wherever it leads.