[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Big Pop

Something regular readers will know about me is that I like my toys bright, colourful, sparkly, in unusual aesthetics, and girly as hell. This is one reason I don’t often gravitate towards strictly realistic dildos. However, one of the things I love about Mr Hankey’s Toys is that all their various designs, from the realistic to the fantastical, can be customised from a range of 24 colours. You’ll understand, then, why I felt compelled to request the Big Pop giant realistic dildo in the brightest shade of pink they have.

What is the Mr Hankey’s Toys Big Pop?

Mr Hankey's Big Pop realistic giant dildo in bubblegum pink

The Big Pop by Mr Hankey’s Toys is a realistic dildo available in four giant sizes. Even the size Small measures 10″ in total length and 2.2″ in diameter at the widest point. The largest size, the 4XL, is 17.25″ in length and 4.29″ in diameter at the widest point. I requested the second size up, which is 12″ in length and has a head diameter of 2.86″.

The Big Pop is available in four firmness levels. I requested the 75% soft, the second softest option, to offset the sheer size of the thing! If you prefer greater intensity, select the medium firm or extra firm density. If you want to ease into using oversized toys more gently, consider one of the two softer options. Extras such as a metallic effect and vac-u-lock hole for use with a fucking machine are also available.

Mr Hankey's Big Pop realistic giant dildo in bubblegum pink

The design of the Big Pop is based on a circumcised penis with an ultra-pronounced head. The name comes from the “popping” feeling that you can get when you thrust with a toy of this shape. It also has a skin-like textured shaft, lifelike ridge, realistic balls, and a gentle curve.

Like all Mr Hankey’s Toys, this dildo is made of body-safe silicone.

Big Pop Giant Realistic Dildo In Use: What I Like About This Toy

Again, I think one of the biggest selling points of Mr Hankey’s Toys is the customisation options they offer. Flesh-coloured realistic dildos aren’t really my jam, but this one makes me smile every time I look at it. It’s such a brilliant and ridiculous shade of bubblegum pink juxtaposed with the realistic design.

The first thing to know about the Big Pop is that it really is absolutely fucking huge. Seriously, look at the specs and visualise what 10″ or 12″ or 17″ actually looks like before you buy. Over the years I’ve been doing this work, I’ve been asked about giant realistic dildos in body-safe materials more times than I can count. For that reason alone I’m glad this toy and Hankey’s range of other realistic dildos exist.

As always, Mr Hankey’s Toys’ attention to detail is excellent. From the skin texturing and veins to the lifelike balls, it’s clear care has been taken to make this dildo as realistic as possible.

This toy really is about the head. Its size, shape, realistic detail, and pronounced design are what most users will buy this dildo for. If you want a dildo that offers a feeling of fullness alongside some seriously intense and targeted G-spot or prostate stimulation, the Big Pop is the one for you.

Big Pop dildo head close-up

This is also clearly a dildo made with thrusting in mind (though, as we’ll see in the next section, this isn’t the only way to enjoy it.) As it slides in and out, the ridge of the head stimulates the sensitive nerve-endings around the vaginal or anal opening.

The 75% soft was the perfect density choice for this toy, in my view. It’s not so soft that the dildo becomes difficult to insert, but it’s soft enough to dial down the intensity a little.

Though it’s a pretty long toy, particular at the larger sizes, the Big Pop giant realistic dildo is a dream toy for serious girth lovers. You don’t need to use the entire shaft if you don’t want to; in fact, you could literally just use the head and the first inch or two if that’s what works best for you. For those who enjoy girthy insertables and a feeling of stretch, the Big Pop allows you to explore this with either deep or shallow penetration.

Things to Be Aware Of

As with any very large toy, this is not a “slip it in and get off quickly” dildo. Using a toy of this size requires preparation, warm-up, patience, and even more lube than you think you’ll need. All of this applies doubly if you’re considering using this toy anally. Don’t put pressure on yourself to take the entire thing side you, now or ever. Listen to your body, do what feels good, and stop straight away if anything hurts.

Huge realistic pink dildo

The key selling point of the Big Pop realistic dildo is that ultra-pronounced giant head. However, some people may find this uncomfortable, particularly if you’ve been used to smoother toys. Again, take your time. If you find thrusting with this toy painful or uncomfortable, try gently wiggling it, rotating it, or even just putting it in and then keeping it still. Many people find consistent pressure against their G-spot or prostate more pleasurable than repeated pounding.

Due to the size and slight curve, this toy also isn’t great for hands-free use. Its weight and top-heavy design means it’s hard to get it to stand up reliably on its own. This isn’t an issue for me as I don’t tend to use toys that way. But if you like to ride your toys in a hands-free position it’s something to be aware of.

Mr Hankey’s Toys Big Pop Giant Realistic Dildo: Verdict

Far from being yet another generic realistic dildo, the Mr Hankey’s Big Pop is clear about the need it’s filling and does so damn well. For people who want an oversized toy that offers intense stimulation to both the sensitive vaginal/anal opening and the G-spot/prostate, it’s an ideal option. The detailing and customisation options elevate it to a premium product that’s worth the price.

The Big Pop dildo retails at prices starting from $129.95 for the smallest size. Larger sizes are of course more expensive, and customisations and add-ons also affect the final price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. All views and writing are, as always, my own.

Why Do People Like Ultra Realistic Dildos? (And 4 Fun Ways to Play With Them)

In the years (9 of them! Happy anniversary, C&K!) that I’ve been writing about sex and reviewing sex toys, I’ve learned a lot about both my own preferences and those of others. When it comes to dildos, the ones I most gravitate towards tend to be colourful, sparkly, or otherwise non-realistic. However, the good folks at Epic Dildos invited me to write about ultra realistic dildos for them, so I’ve been taking some time to think about why so many people enjoy these toys and some of the fun ways to use them.

Using Ultra Realistic Dildos to Achieve a Lifelike Sensation

I do not believe that sex toys are, or ever can be, replacements for human partners. The term “battery-operated boyfriend” can get in the bin. And let’s not even talk about those vibrators with faces and personalities that the incredible Epiphora reviewed all the way back in 2015.

So no, a dildo cannot replace a penis-owning human. However, if you want to enjoy the feeling of having sex with a person with a bio-cock and don’t have a suitable partner available (or are just in the mood for some solo sex), a realistic dildo is a great option. It’s not entirely identical, of course, but a good realistic toy can be damn close in terms of physical sensation.

Dual-density materials such as the Flexiskin™ liquid silicone Epic Dildos uses for their hyper realistic range combine a soft, malleable outer layer with a firm inner core to mimic an erect penis.

Fulfilling Fantasies with Ultra Realistic Dildos

Like all sex toys, dildos can be enjoyed as much alone or with a partner. One of the most surprisingly common uses I hear about for ultra realistic dildos? Fulfilling threesome or group sex fantasies.

Threesomes are consistently cited in various surveys and studies as one of the most common sexual fantasies. However, choosing to have one in real life is a big decision and not to be taken lightly. When done right, they can be amazing. However, if they’re done badly, they’re also ripe for coercion (if one party in a relationship is less keen than the other), can spike jealousy and insecurity, and can damage or destroy relationships.

If you fantasise about threesomes or group sex but aren’t sure if you’d want to do it for real, using an ultra realistic dildo can allow you and your partner to bring the fantasy to life without the risk. You won’t get the emotional or psychological impact of having a third person involved, but you can simulate some of the physical sensations, do some amazing dirty talk, and spin a scene or story together using toys.

Enjoying Dicks of Different Shapes and Sizes

If you’re monogamous, prefer to have sex with only a single partner at a time, or don’t want to have any sexual partners (at the moment or ever), ultra realistic dildos offer a fun and safe way to enjoy sexual variety. Just as all human cocks are different, so are all the varieties of realistic dildos on the market.

Want to experience bigger or smaller, curved or straight, semi-soft or ultra-firm? The amazing range of realistic dildos out there has got you covered. As a bonus, some offer additional features you can’t get with a bio-cock, such as vibrations.

Ultra Realistic Dildos as a Gender-Affirming Choice

My girlfriend Em and I have started referring to my choice of dildos as “gender-affirming.” I’m a femme who is also primarily submissive, and choosing toys that feel like “me” has felt increasingly important as I explore my role as a strap-on top.

Just as sparkly, colourful dildos feel gender-affirming for me, ultra realistic dildos can feel the same way for other folks. Trans men, transmasculine people, and cis men who use dildos or strap-ons are just some of the people who might find that an ultra realistic dildo aligns best with their gender identity and presentation.

Practicing Sexual Skills

None of us get into our first sexual relationship magically knowing how to have good sex. And none of us get into any sexual relationship magically knowing how to have good sex with that person specifically. Sex is a set of skills, from the interpersonal (communicating your desires, paying attention to verbal and non-verbal cues) to the physical. These skills can be learned, honed, and relearned throughout your sexual life.

If you want to learn or practice a specific sexual skill, from giving a certain type of blowjob your partner loves to riding a dick in a particular position, using a realistic dildo is one great and low-pressure way to do that.

4 Ways to Play with Ultra Realistic Dildos

Whether you’ve just got your first realistic dildo or are an aficionado looking for new ways to play, here are a few suggestions you might not have thought about.

Strap It On

Strap-on sex is most often associated with lesbian and sapphic sex, but anyone can enjoy it. For strap-on sex, look for dildos with a base that’s wide but not too deep. Think flat base or suction cup dildos rather than those with balls.

Go Hands-Free

Some ultra realistic dildos come with suction cups, allowing you to affix them to a wall, floor, or other flat surface. This gives you an opportunity to play hands-free, using your hands to do other things to your or your partner’s body.

Pair Your Dildo with Another Toy

Use your dildo internally while you (or your partner) hold a bullet vibrator against your clitoris. Hold a wand vibrator against the base of your dildo for deep, internal rumbles, Insert your dildo anally (if it has a flared base) then use a stroker to stimulate your penis. Get creative and try out different combinations.

Put On a Show

If you enjoy exhibitionism and voyeurism, putting on a sexy show for your partner can be a hot shared experience. Invite them to watch while you touch, tease, or fuck yourself with your toy. Whether you ultimately let them join in or just drive them wild with the visuals? That’s up to you.

Thanks to Epic Dildos for sponsoring this post! All views and writing, as always, are mine.

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Captain’s Hook Curved Dildo

I’m really pleased to be back with another Mr Hankey’s Toys review following my mini-series last year. The Mr Hankey’s team recently got back in touch recently and asked me to pick another three toys to review. As soon as I saw it, I couldn’t resist the gloriously curved dildo that is the Captain’s Hook.

Extreme Curved Dildo: Mr Hankey’s Toys Captain’s Hook

Mr Hankey's Toys Captain's Hook, a bright pink curved girthy dildo

The Captain’s Hook by Mr Hankey’s Toys is a realistic silicone dildo with an extreme curve. It is available in four sizes, with the total length ranging from 8.25″ to 12″ in overall length. Its central shaft diameter ranges from 2.06″ to 3.23″. It is also available in four firmness levels ranging from very soft to extra firm.

Having had previous experience with Mr Hankey’s products and their impressive sizes, I chose the smallest size for my Captain’s Hook dildo. This means my toy measures 8.25″ in length, 7″ in insertable length, and 2.06″ in diameter at the centre of the shaft. Whichever way you look at it, the Captain’s Hook is a large dildo even in the smallest size.

I requested my Captain’s Hook in the second softest of the four options. As with all Mr Hankey’s products, you can customize your product with your choice of colour. The Captain’s Hook dildo is advertised in a metallic gunmetal grey, but I like my electric UV pink choice better! (Femmes gonna femme, amirite?)

A curved extra large hot pink dildo

This toy has a large, thick base which allows it to stand up on its own as well as making it theoretically harness-compatible (though, as we’ll see below, this might not work so well in practice.)

What I Liked About the Captain’s Hook

I knew I was going to love this toy as soon as I saw it on the Mr Hankey’s site, and I was right. Curved dildos are amazing for targeting the G-spot, and this is the most extremely curved silicone dildo I’ve ever owned. I’ve also found that they allow me to experiment with larger toys while minimising the risk of hitting my cervix, which is something I find intensely painful.

This dildo’s curve is so intense that I can get plenty of enjoyment from using just the first two or three inches, if I’m not in the mood for full insertion (which the body often isn’t even if the mind is willing.)

Interestingly, th Captain’s Hook is actually listed on the Mr Hankey’s site as a “prostate massager.” I have neither a prostate nor a sufficiently brave butt to attempt anal insertion of this toy, myself, but I’m sure it would feel amazing for folks who are into larger anal toys and target the prostate in the same way as it does the G-spot.

The softness level of this toy is also pretty ideal for me. The 75% soft silicone is a middling density, with a little bit of squish. This enables the toy to be slightly flexible, which is ideal for more comfortable positioning with larger toys. Choose a firmer option if you want something more intense. Or, if you want this toy to be a little gentler, select the softest silicone.

A woman's hand holding an extra large curvy pink dildo

Aside from the level of curve, the Captain’s Hook dildo is realistic in design. It has a pronounced corona (that’s the “rounded border that projects from the base of the glans penis”) and texturing along the shaft to mimic skin and veins. This makes it an ideal toy for those who enjoy a realistic or semi-realistic aesthetic, but prefer the sensation of a curve.

Any Downsides To Be Aware Of?

Due to its size, the Captain’s Hook is a heavy dildo even in its smallest size. This means that, although it is technically harness-compatible, I can’t imagine using it for strap-on sex realistically. The large base enables it to stand upright, but also adds additional weight and bulk.

Mr Hankey’s notes on the product page that for the larger sizes in particular, this toy can be more practical for partnered play due to its size and shape. Due to the shape and lack of a suction cup, it’s unlikely to be suitable for hands-free use.

The surface texture of the silicone is also very matte. I’ve pointed this out before and I think it might just be a feature of the silicone or finishes that Mr Hankey’s uses. This can add to the challenging nature of inserting a toy this large. You should always use tonnes of lube when using an extra large dildo anyway. The grabby feel of this silicone just makes this even more essential.

Captain’s Hook Curved Dildo: Verdict

I love this dildo. My initial impressions were entirely correct here; this design is fucking fabulous. I’ve never tried a silicone dildo this curved before. The closest things I have in my collection are stainless steel or glass, which is of course a completely different sensation.

The Captain’s Hook is a dildo designed with serious targeted internal stimulation in mind, whether you use it vaginally or anally. Its intense curve and girthy shaft up the intensity.

The Captain’s Hook curved dildo retails starting from $125.95 for the smallest size in one of the middle two firmness levels and your choice of colour. Sizing up, choosing extra firm or extra soft, and adding a metallic effect or vac-u-lock hole will all increase the total price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. All views and writing are, as always, mine.

[Toy Review] Avant Pride P3 Beauty Small Suction Cup Dildo

Way back in 2018, in the early days of this blog (wow that was a different time!) I reviewed my first Avant Pride toy, the P1 rainbow dildo. I followed this up with reviews of the P4 leather pride butt plug later that year and the P8 bi pride dildo in 2021. This week I received another from the range: the P3, a lovely little lesbian flag dildo.

I still really like the P8, but I’m not so sure I identify as bisexual any more. Since entering my 30s I’ve slid further and further down the Kinsey Scale to… well, not quite a Kinsey 6, because that wouldn’t account for Mr C&K. Maybe a Kinsey 5-and-a-half? Anyway, the terms I most often use to define my sexuality now are sapphic and homoflexible, the latter meaning (to me) “basically a lesbian but with very very occasional exceptions.”

Sexuality is complicated, y’all.

You know what isn’t complicated, though? How damn good this dildo is.

Smooth Segue, Amy! So Tell Us About the Avant Pride P3 Beauty

Avant Pride lesbian pride dildo

The P3 Beauty is another of the Avant Pride range of sex toys from Blush Novelties. It is a small suction cup dildo measuring 5″ in length and 1.1″ in diameter. Its design is fairly realistic, with a pronounced head and subtle vein texturing along the shaft. The dildo’s colours are based on the pink, white and orange stripes of the lesbian pride flag.

The Avant Pride P3 is made of body-safe and easy-clean silicone. It also has a suction cup, making it ideal for hands-free use and strap-on sex.

What I Liked About the Avant Pride P3 Beauty Small Suction Cup Dildo

My favourite thing about this toy, apart from the gorgeous and vibrant pride-inspired colours, is its small size. Large and oversized toys can be fun on occasion, but often when I’m craving penetration what I actually want is something a little smaller. I also like that the girth is more or less the same all the way down.

I very rarely do anal play at the moment but if you’re interested in a dildo for pegging or anal sex, a slimline toy like this one is an ideal place to start.

Avant Pride realistic  small suction cup dildo in lesbian pride flag colours

The Avant Pride P3 has some of the softest silicone I’ve felt in a long time. Its texture is so delightfully velvety that I’ve been absentmindedly stroking my hand over it in between typing up this review. It has a medium density with a little squish, plenty of flex, and a very slight curve. In other words, it’s comfortable to use and easy to position in the way that works for your body.

I like that the suction cup is quite wide, relative to the diameter of the toy. This makes it stick down really firmly to any flat surface, and also makes it easy to use with my favourite strap-on harness without it slipping out or coming loose.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

No? This is a genuinely excellent toy and I can’t find a single fault with it. If you prefer larger insertables it might not be big enough to satisfy you, but for many of us a bigger dildo is not necessarily a better dildo.

Verdict

Avant Pride small lesbian flag dildo with suction cup showing

This is such an easy to use dildo! A simple yet effective design, refreshingly petite size, gorgeous queer colourway, and high quality material. It’s also versatile, anal-safe, and harness compatible. What more could you need in a basic dildo for lesbians, sapphics, WLW, and anyone else who connects with this flag? And on top of all that, it retails for just £32.

Thanks to The Pleasure Garden for sending me the Avant Pride P3 to review. All views, as always, are mine! Affiliate links appear in this post.

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Monster Dildo

I don’t think I (or my vagina) was feeling particularly brave when I ordered the Mr Hankey’s Monster Dildo from the website, because I chose the smallest of four available sizes. Even so, I took it out of the box and my immediate reaction was “wow, this thing is huge!”

As with the Mr Hankey’s Perfect Penis, I cannot get my entire hand around this toy’s shaft.

So how did I get on with this monster of a realistic dildo? This is the third in my series of reviews for Mr Hankey’s Toys, who are also one of my site sponsors, winner of tonnes of adult industry awards, and all-round purveyors of stellar sex toys in both the fantasy and realistic categories.

Mr Hankey’s Toys Monster Dildo

Mr Hankey's Toys Monster Dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Monster Dildo in size medium measures 9.13″ in total length, 7″ in insertable length, and 2.46″ in diameter at the widest point. Again: this is the smallest size! The remaining sizes measure 11.38″, 13.5″, and 15.75″ in total length respectively, with corresponding girth increases. If you want serious size and lots of it, you’ve come to the right place.

This toy is made of body-safe silicone and available in an array of colours from skin tones to brights, metallics, and even UV-reactive shades. You can also choose different firmness levels, from very soft to extra firm, and add a vac-u-lock hole if you wish.

In terms of firmness, 75% firmness or medium will suit most users. 75% firm is supposed to resemble a bio-cock that is 75-80% erect, and many Mr Hankey’s customers report that it feels the most lifelike of the options. Medium is closer in firmness to a fully erect penis.

What I Liked About the Monster Dildo

Mr Hankey's Toys Monster Dildo

I found this toy challenging to use. And that’s fine – sometimes a challenge can be fun! I do prefer girth over length (hitting my cervix = ow, bad pain!) though so I’d be more inclined to reach for a girthy toy like this one if I was in the mood for a large insertable. Overall, the girthy design is excellent for those who enjoy the sensation of a stretch, but don’t desire or enjoy excessive length.

This one takes a lot of warm-up and lube for me to use it comfortably. And even then, as I said, I’d describe the experience as challenging and seriously, seriously intense.

Let’s look at some of the specific features of the Monster Dildo that I enjoyed.

  • I really love the shade of purple and the shimmery effect from the metallic colourway.
  • This is a highly realistic toy, down to the skin texturing of the balls and the detailing around the head and foreskin. It was apparently life-cast from a real penis owned by a person simply known as “The Jackpot.”
  • At least at this size, it stands up on its own due to the size of the base. If you want to use the toy hands-free, this makes it easier to do so as you can simply put it on a firm surface and then “ride” it.
  • The gentle curve is ideal for targeting your G-spot or prostate. When I’m able to get the toy inside me, it presses firmly against my G-spot in a very enjoyable way.
  • At the firmness level I chose (75% soft or the second softest), it’s fairly squishy and flexible. For a toy of this size, that’s going to be essential for a lot of users. If you like a lot of flex, go softer. If you prefer more rigid toys, go firmer.
  • The large base makes it anal-safe, if that’s your thing. There was no universe in which this thing was going in my butt, but it can safely go in yours if you’d like. (Obligatory disclaimer: if you’re putting something of this size in your butt, go S L O W L Y. Use even more lube than you think you need. To be fair, that actually applies to vaginal use as well, but the butt isn’t self-lubricating so you’ll need to be even more careful.)

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Mr Hankey's Toys Monster Dildo

Personally, I don’t like the pronounced ridge on the underside of the Monster Dildo’s shaft. Even with plenty of lubrication, I consistently found it made insertion uncomfortable. Once the toy was fully inserted, I could still feel the ridge in a way that was pretty distracting.

Like the other Mr Hankey’s Toys I’ve tried, the silicone is very matte. I would have preferred a smoother silicone for a toy of this size. With that said, a smoother silicone would lessen the realistic effect of the toy’s appearance, so it’s a trade-off. As you can probably see in the photos, it also gathers lint and dust.

The texturing can make the Monster Dildo take a little longer to clean. This isn’t really a problem, just something to be aware of. You’ll want to make sure you’ve got all bodily fluids and lube out of the little creases.

Due to its size, the Monster Dildo is also pretty heavy. It’s just about manageable at this size but I have to imagine that the larger versions could be quite difficult to hold and manipulate in use.

Verdict

Honestly, the final analysis is that even in the smallest size this toy is bordering on too large for me. And that’s fine – I am not really the target market for very large toys. But you might be, and this is an excellent choice if so! So many large toys are not body-safe, so it is nice to have somewhere to point my readers for oversized toys that are also safe and well-made.

And make no mistake, this is a beautifully designed toy. The attention to detail is excellent and the array of colours and effects on offer means that you can truly make it your own.

I like having this in my collection but I don’t think it will be going in my body very often. I can enjoy it occasionally, but it’s going to be a once-in-a-while thing and probably revolve around enjoying the challenge as part of a kink dynamic.

The Monster Dildo’s pricing begins at $140.95 for the size Medium in a standard colourway. Going up in size, adding effects, and adding a vac-u-lock hole all add to the price.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review! All views are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis

I arrived home to find my shipment of products from Mr Hankey’s Toys waiting for me (discreetly packaged) on my doorstep. My first thought when I picked up the box was “bloody hell, these things are heavy!” When I opened the box, I understood why, as I was greeted by three gigantic hunks of silicone. This is the first of the three.

I requested the Perfect Penis in the medium, which is the second smallest available size, because I am not a size queen by any stretch of the imagination. I’d read the dimensions, but apparently hadn’t fully grasped the meaning of them. So imagine my expression when I realised that:

  1. This thing is the size of my fucking forearm.
  2. I cannot get my entire hand around its shaft.
  3. This is only the second of four sizes.

Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis: Details

Mr Hankey's Toys Perfect Penis green silicone dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis in medium measures just under 11″ in total length and around 8″ in insertable length, with a circumference of 7″ (that’s a diameter of 2.2″.) There are various customisation options available for this toy. You can choose your size and level of firmness, whether or not to add a vac-u-lock hole, as well as a colour and colour effect.

As its name implies, the idea of this toy is that it is as close to a “perfect penis” as one can get. Mr Hankey’s Toys used AI to analyse an array of studies on preferred penis sizes and dimensions and create a range of dildos offering “the perfect balance of length and width.” The result is a realistic toy that includes a pronounced head, detailing such as a foreskin and frenulum, a textured shaft with veins, and realistic balls.

I can’t say I’ve ever had particularly strong opinions about penises, or indeed about what makes one perfect. I tend to be far more interested in the humans they’re attached to, and the actual shape and size of them is of far less interest to me. And, of course, what makes a body part perfect is inherently a subjective and personal question. Still, it was interesting to see this toy, the result of extensive analysis of folks’ penis preferences.

The Perfect Penis is made from body-safe matte silicone. I ordered mine in metallic green, just because I like green and I like unusual colours for my sex toys sometimes.

What I Like About the Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis

Mr Hankey's Toys Perfect Penis green silicone dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis is, objectively and by all measures, an excellent dildo.

I chose the 75% soft, which is the second softest of four available options. According to the company, this mimics a bio penis that is at around 75-80% erect. This was definitely the right choice. I enjoy firm toys sometimes, but for this kind of size, a soft and squishy texture was definitely called for. It’s great that you can customise the toy’s firmness to your preferences. For me, being able to go for a softer and more flexible option made this toy far more useable and enjoyable.

I also particularly like the pronounced head and the additional stimulation it offers as you insert the toy.

The Perfect Penis’s matte silicone gives a fairly lifelike skin texture, and the overall realistic detailing on the toy is excellent. Of course, you can choose one of the flesh tones available if you want to make your toy even more realistic. I prefer bright colours that don’t resemble actual dicks, but your mileage may vary.

Using this toy is a challenge for me, though it certainly won’t be for everyone. I generally prefer girth over length for insertables, because anything hitting my cervix is painful, so it works best when I use just the first three inches or so of the toy’s shaft. Even then, plenty of warmup and tonnes of lube is essential.

Because it’s so bottom-heavy, this toy actually stays put in an upright position very well by itself. So if putting it down on a firm surface and using it hands-free is your thing, you can do that.

Also thanks to this base, the Perfect Penis is anal-safe. I, however, am not that brave so I did not attempt this.

If you decide to try giant dildos like this one, remember to take things slowly and use even more lube than you think you really need. I’m going to write a piece on safely and comfortably using very large toys soon, so look out for that. In the meantime, taking your time and listening to your body are the most important things you can do.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Mr Hankey's Toys Perfect Penis green silicone dildo

My only real difficulty with the Perfect Penis was its weight. Because it’s a giant piece of solid silicone, it’s got some serious weight to it. This is something you’ll want to be aware of if holding and manipulating heavy toys is difficult for you.

The only other downside is that I can’t use it for strap-on sex. The balls and base are far too big to make it harness-compatible. I suspect their might be a market for a body-safe, strap-on-friendly toy of these dimensions, though. Other reviewers have noted that the Perfect Penis in size small is great for strap-on play.

It’s also worth noting that the Perfect Penis’s silicone is very matte and quite grabby. This isn’t really a complaint as such, but it makes plenty of lube even more essential.

This is admittedly a small gripe, but I didn’t love that the toys came shrink-wrapped in single-use plastic. I understand this might be for hygiene reasons, but silicone is so easy to sterilise and I always recommend cleaning a toy thoroughly before you use it for the first time anyway. Reusable storage bags, or ditching the individual packaging entirely, would be more eco-friendly.

Verdict

Readers often ask me for recommendations for very large dildos, and I sometimes struggle to know what to suggest. Many companies offering huge toys make them out of unsafe and porous materials to save money. So I am pleased to have somewhere to point size lovers looking for quality and body-safe products.

As for me? The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis is definitely going to be a “once in a while”, not a “reliable staple”. But those can be fun too!

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis starts from $125.95 for the small size in a single colour, with prices going up as you move up the sizes and add customisations. But if size and more size is what you desire, you can’t go far wrong with this one.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. This means they paid me to write a fair and honest review. All views and experiences are, as always, my own.

[Toy Review] Lezovibes 6-in-1 Thrusting Heating Telescopic & Squirming Dildo

Happy new year, my friends! I hope you’ve had a relaxing holiday season and new year, no matter what you celebrate or don’t. I’m back at work now, which means it’s time to start ploughing through my review queue.

First up, the Lezovibes 6-in-1 Thrusting Heating Telescopic & Squirming Dildo, which was kindly sent to me recently. Considering the absolute mouthful of its full name, I’m gonna just call it the Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo from here on out. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Lezovibes 6-in-1 Thrusting Dildo

This realistic dildo measures 8.6″ in total length (6.3″ insertable) and offers a thrusting extension of an additional 1.5″. It measures 1.59″ in diameter at the widest point.

The “6-in-1” refers to its 6 key features: thrusting, heating, vibrating, swinging, rotating, and remote-controllability. There’s also a suction cup and large “balls” base, making it harness-compatible if you like.

Lezovibes thrusting dildo heating dildo

The Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo is made of body-safe and non-porous silicone and passes a flame-test. The silicone is extremely matte, so don’t forget to add plenty of water-based lube particularly if you’re using the thrusting function.

This toy is IPX6 waterproof. This means it can withstand jets of water but is not submersible. In other words, clean it under the tap but don’t take it in the bath with you. The remote control is not waterproof.

The Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo is rechargeable via the included USB cable, and a full charge took around 2 hours and gives up to 60 minutes of runtime depending on the settings you’re using.

Things I Like About This Toy

Let’s start with the good. Retailing at a middle-of-the-road $69.99, the Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo does have several positive points to recommend it.

Lezovibes thrusting dildo in my hand

  • It does a lot of different things! If you’re newer to toys or just want to get something quite versatile, then a toy with lots of different features is a great choice for you. As mentioned, this thrusting dildo also vibrates, rotates, swings, and heats up. Pretty impressive array of options, there!
  • The outer layer of silicone is squishy and pliable, and the toy has a firm core. This gives a kind of “dual density” effect that more realistically mimics a bio-cock.
  • Speaking of realism, the lifelike aesthetic is great if you like that sort of thing, from the veined shaft to the textured balls and foreskin. To be entirely honest I don’t particularly like that kind of thing, personally. Hyper-realism isn’t really my vibe. However, it appeals to a lot of people and I’m continually getting asked for recommendations for realistic toys.
  • The thrusting function feels great in use. (The swinging function is really just a slight variation on the thrusting and I couldn’t feel much difference between them.)
  • The suction cup is strong and holds the toy firm on a surface, even when the various functions are switched on.
  • The heating function! A sex toy that warms up in use is one of those things you never knew you needed until you try it. I started feeling the warmth around 30 seconds after I switched the heating function on. It heats to 42°C.
  • It has ten different vibrating modes, and the motor is positioned so that the vibrations are concentrated in the head of the toy. For most users, that’s gonna be where you want them.
  • As it has a large base (thanks to the balls and suction cup), this toy is both vaginal-safe and anal-safe.
  • The rigidity makes it great for strap-on sex.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

There were also a few issues that let this toy down. They include:

  • The controls are needlessly complicated and confusing. I actually had to email the company because I COULD NOT get mine to work at all and I was convinced I had a dud one for a while. It did eventually start working, but the controls are still far more confusing than they need to be.
  • The button in the base is really, really hard to push in a way that’s extremely annoying. I literally have to use the thumbs of both hands, one on top of the other, to get it going or switch it off.
  • Like all thrusting toys, it makes a high-pitched mechanical whining noise in use. I can’t hold this against Lezovibes in particular, though – even at the premium end of the market, the technology just isn’t there yet to make silent thrusting toys.
  • The vibrations are weak and buzzy.
  • I can’t feel the rotating function at all so I’m not really sure what the point of this is.
  • The remote control’s responsiveness is variable. It responds about 75% of the time in my experience, but that’s a high enough failure rate to be intensely annoying.
  • It’s a little too straight for me. I would have preferred it to have a little more curve and flex.

Verdict

Lezovibes thrusting dildo suction cup dildo attached to black shower tiles

With the acknowledgement that realistic dildos aren’t really my thing (but may well be yours,) I still found quite a few things to like in the Lezovibes Thrusting Dildo. Overall, it’s a mixed bag. Though the many different functions are a good way to explore new sensations, I think this toy is trying to do too many things. It’s better to do fewer things and do them really well than to try to cram every feature under the sun into a single toy.

More than anything, though, please sort out those controls. It’s so needlessly complicated to use and that means people will just end up not using a bunch of the functionalities that make up its main selling points.

Thanks to Lezovibes for sponsoring this review! All views, as ever, are mine.

[Toy Review] Valm 8″ Silicone Triple Density Dildo

Valm is a US-based company, founded by long-time adult industry professionals, that has been designing and manufacturing body-safe sex toys since 2015. The company’s product line is currently small, focusing on dual density and triple density sex toys made of body-safe platinum cure silicone. I received the 8″ triple density dildo to try out.

Valm Toys: A Range of Options

Valm produces realistic silicone dildos in a range of sizes and colours, as well as two different density options. You can choose 6″, 8″, 10″, or 12″ for your toy’s length, with corresponding girth sizes of 1.49″, 1.65″, 2″, or 2.4″ in diameter respectively. I received the 8″ version at my request.

The Valm Triple Density Dildo, a bright orange and pink silicone realistic dildo

The standard colour options are tan, brown, or black. However, you can also order a custom toy in a two-colour fade, with a range of colours to choose from. I picked the bright orange to pink fade for mine, partly because it’s an unusual look for a sex toy and partly because it reminds me of a particularly vibrant sunset. (The colours are so bright. I have never seen a sex toy quite this orange. Seriously, it practically glows in the dark!)

Look and Feel

My Valm Triple Density Dildo has an impressively lifelike aesthetic including a veined shaft, pronounced head, wrinkled skin-like texturing around the base of the head to represent the foreskin, and textured balls. If you want a dildo that really looks like an actual penis, you could do much worse than a Valm toy in one of the available skin colour shades.

The Valm Triple Density Dildo’s outer layer silicone is very matte, which can make it feel quite grabby against the skin. This means that sufficient lubrication is particularly important. It also means it hangs on to lint and dust, so you’ll want to give it a quick wipe down before use if it’s been sitting in storage for a while.

What Does “Triple Density” Mean Anyway?

In a nutshell, a triple density dildo is made up of three layers of silicone. Valm says that their triple density toys feature “a hard inner core, gel-like middle layer, and soft outer layer.”

The main draw of a dual density or triple density dildo is that it feels more like a real penis. The Valm Triple Density Dildo has a firm core, slightly squishy middle layer, and a soft outer “skin” – just like an erect cock. Valm uses a silicone gel for the middle layer.

What’s the Difference Between a Triple Density and Dual Density Dildo?

The Valm Triple Density Dildo, a bright orange and pink silicone realistic dildo

Dual density sex toys have been on the market for some time, but triple density toys such as this one are much less common. If you’re new to this type of toy, you might be wondering which to go for.

Both dual density and triple density toys feel great, and offer a more lifelike experience compared to an ordinary single density silicone dildo. Here are a few things you’ll want to consider in making your choice:

  • A triple density dildo will cost more than a dual density one, simply because it uses more materials and requires more complex construction. For reference, the Valm 8″ retails for $109 in dual density and $129 in triple density.
  • All things being equal, triple density will provide a slightly more “realistic” feel. That is, if you want a toy that feels as much like a human penis as possible, choose triple density. If you’re happy to compromise somewhat on realism for the sake of cost, go for dual.
  • A triple density toy’s “layers” will be easier to move, whereas they’re likely to be less malleable and require more force to move in a dual density toy.

Both dual density and triple density dildos are easy to clean (toss it in the dishwasher or a pan of boiling water,) compatible with water-based and oil-based lubes, and body-safe.

Valm Silicone Triple Density Dildo In Use

The Valm Triple Density Dildo is more flexible than I expected, and definitely more flexible than your average erect human cock! I love this about it, though. Its shaft is basically straight, but the flexibility allows me to get the curve I need to target my G-spot effectively.

I also really love the squish and softness of this toy. When it’s properly lubricated, the skin-like texture of the outer silicone makes it a joy to use. I was a little surprised by how squishy the head is. This was a plus point for me in this case, but if you prefer very firm toys it might not provide enough pressure for you.

I’m not a big fan of a lot of texture on insertable toys, as I tend to find it painful or uncomfortable rather than pleasurable. The Valm dildo’s texturing on the shaft is subtle enough that I really can’t feel it, though, and the pronounced head is ideal for G-spotting without being so pronounced as to make insertion painful.

Other Uses and Considerations

Being a large hunk of triple density silicone, the Valm realistic dildo isn’t the lightest thing in the world. I don’t have an issue with heavy toys, but it’s something to be aware of if they are tricky for you. It’s easy to hold, with the suction cup and balls providing a convenient handle for thrusting even for my small hands.

Valm dildos are harness-compatible thanks to the balls and suction cup. However, I find mine is slightly too flexible to be ideal for strap-on sex. It’s certainly useable, but I tend to prefer slightly firmer dildos for this purpose as they make it easier to consistently get the right angle (and to avoid unintentionally slipping out of my partner.)

The Valm Triple Density Dildo, a bright orange and pink silicone realistic dildo, stuck to black shower tiles

The suction cup is strong and firm, allowing you to attach the dildo to a surface for hands-free fucking, if you like. It doesn’t detach until you want it to. And, since the balls and suction cup form a kind of base, it’s anal safe if that’s your thing.

Verdict

This is my first triple density dildo, and I’m a big fan. Valm’s design is realistic in both look and feel, and – for me at least – offers the ideal blend of firmness, flex, and squish.

A winner.

Thanks to Valm Toys for sending me this product to review. This review was sponsored, meaning I received a fee in exchange for this honest and unbiased review. All views are, as always, mine.

Review: Bestvibe CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo

Happy new year, friends! 2022 was a rough one and I’m not naive enough to say “2023 is going to be my year!” We’re all still facing ongoing challenges due to *gestures vaguely at everything*. Personally, I’ll be satisfied if 2023 reaches the bar of “better than 2022.”

With that said, it’s time to dive into my very first review of the new year: the CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo from Bestvibe.

Bestvibe CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo

Bestvibe approached me right before the holidays to ask if I’d be interested in reviewing any of their products. Since I get asked about recommendations for both realistic toys and thrusting toys all the time, I thought I’d choose this one, which ticks both of those boxes.

CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo

The CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo is designed to closely resemble a bio-cock. It is impressively detailed, with a veined shaft, textured balls, a pronounced head, and even skin texturing at the base of the head. If you’re looking for a highly detailed realistic toy without breaking the bank, look no further.

The CYRUS measures 9″ from base to tip, of which 7″ is insertable length, and 1.59″ in diameter at the widest point. This makes it a little larger than the average factory-installed penis, but not scarily huge. Due to the internal mechanisms and dense silicone, it weighs in at a hefty 490g. It features a suction cup base, allowing for hands-free play or harness compatibility for strap-on sex.

CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo

The CYRUS is made of body-safe silicone. Since the texture is quite similar to some TPE/TPR toys I’ve handled, I flame tested it to be sure, and I’m pleased to say it’s definitely silicone. (The lack of any discernible smell also tipped me off that it’s real silicone.) Body safety is often sacrificed in favour of “real feel” materials when it comes to realistic toys, so I’m always delighted to find safe, non-porous alternatives.

The CYRUS is IPX5 waterproof, meaning it can withstand a sustained, low-pressure spray of water such as that from a home tap. This means you can safely get your toy wet to wash it, but shouldn’t submerge it in water. It is rechargeable via the included cable and comes with a battery-operated remote control (1 x 27A 12V battery is included.)

The CYRUS retails for a very reasonable $77 and is currently on sale at $66.

Settings and Controls

There are two ways to control the CYRUS: via the button on the base or via the remote control. Using the button, you’ll be able to scroll through 9 different patterns of vibration and their corresponding inbuilt thrusting patterns (there are 3 different thrusting patterns.)

CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo

With the remote, you can enjoy a much finer level of control, pairing any of the 3 thrusting and rotating modes with any of the 9 vibration patterns for a completely customisable experience. You can also use either the vibrations or thrusting separately, if you like.

The button on the base of the toy is a little stiff and requires quite a firm press. The buttons on the remote control, on the other hand, are easy to press. The toy’s responsiveness to the remote is fast and reliable, and the range of the remote is 10 metres.

In Use

The CYRUS’s realistic design is ideal for users looking for the most lifelike experience possible from a toy. The shaft is rigid most of the way along, though the soft and squishy head (the last inch or so) really makes a positive difference from a comfort and ease of use perspective. The pronounced and ridged head is ideal for G-spotting.

I also really love the dual density feel. This means that the toy has a firm core on the inside, and a softer layer on the outside. Like an erect penis, in other words!

The CYRUS’s thrusting mechanism feels amazing in use. If you have a vulva and enjoy dual stimulation, try using it hands-free (or asking a partner to use it on you) and pairing it with your favourite clitoral vibe. I actually prefer to use the thrusting mode alone, because I’m not the biggest fan of internal vibrations. Though it’s far too large for me to have tried it in this way personally, the CYRUS is also anal-safe if that’s your jam.

One of my favourite features of the CYRUS is its “warming” function. Press the little flame icon on the remote, and the toy will warm to 38℃ (just very slightly above human body temperature). This really enhances the experience if you’re looking for a toy that feels as realistic as possible. Instead of cool silicone, you can mimic the natural warmth you’d feel with a partner’s cock.

CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo

The CYRUS’s silicone is quite “grabby” due to its matte texture. Therefore, I’d really recommend using plenty of lubricant for a comfortable experience. Any water-based lube will work. It will also pick up dust and lint in storage, so give it a quick wipe before each use.

The vibrations aren’t massively strong and are a little buzzy, but they are concentrated in the head of the toy. If you like really powerful G-spot vibrations, this one might not be for you. But if you’re happy with gentler vibes (or mainly here for the thrusting function, as I was) this shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

Volume-wise, the vibrations are very quiet. The thrusting mode isn’t exactly loud, but it does have a very distinctive sound that’s best described as a repetitive, high-pitched whirr. The suction cup is strong and stays in place well on every surface I’ve tried it on.

Verdict

I really like this one! If I’m honest, realistic dildos aren’t often my thing, aesthetically speaking. I tend to prefer more abstract, colourful (and occasionally glittery) designs. But functionally, it absolutely gets the job done and comes with some great extra features. If I was going to recommend one body-safe, realistic toy that is very reasonably priced, it might be this one.

Thanks to Bestvibe for sending me the CYRUS to review. All views are, as always, my own. This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write an honest review.

[Toy Review] Clone a Willy

Have you ever wanted a lifesize, silicone replica of your own (or your partner’s) penis? Well, you’re in luck! Clone a Willy is a company that makes kits that allow you to make a replica dick at home. There’s also now a Clone a Pussy, by the way! Lovehoney kindly sent me the Clone a Willy kit for Day 9 of #12DaysofLovehoney, and Mr CK and I had quite the adventure making it.

Clone a Willy Kit
Image credit: Lovehoney

Let’s see how we got on, shall we? Oh, and check out the whole review series here.

What’s in the Clone a Willy Kit?

The Clone a Willy kit comes packaged in a plastic tube, which also serves as the molding tube. Inside, you’ll find:

  • Instruction leaflet
  • Packet of molding power
  • 2 tubs of silicone
  • Mini thermometer
  • Single speed plastic vibrator
  • Stirring stick
Some of the contents of the Clone a Willy Kit

It’s worth noting that the kit doesn’t include every single thing you need. Fortunately, everything else you need is likely something you already have. You’ll need to have to hand:

  • A mixing pot to mix the molding powder (we used a plastic jug to make pouring easier)
  • A large wooden spoon
  • A disposable container to mix the silicone in (we used a well-cleaned plastic takeaway tub)
  • Means of measuring water in precise quantities
  • A way of keeping time (we used the timer function on my smartphone)
  • A square of scrap cardboard
Two pots of liquid silicone mix

How Does it Work?

The process of casting your penis isn’t all that difficult, but it takes a bit of precision and care.

First, you’ll need to cut the tube to size. It should be half an inch longer than your erect penis. Next, you’ll need to measure out 1 3/4 cups (that’s 414ml) of lukewarm water and let it cool to exactly 90F (32C). That’s what the thermometer is for. Be aware that this can take longer than you think!

Once the water is at the right temperature, you mix the molding powder in and stir it for exactly 45 seconds. Pour the mix into the tube, insert your erect penis, and hold it still until the mix starts to set. The instructions say 1-2 minutes, but this wasn’t quite enough. All in, it took around 4 minutes.

Voila, you have a mold! Then all you have to do is mix up the silicone, pour it into the mold, add the vibrator, and leave it to set for 24 hours.

How Hard is It?

The tricksy part of this whole process is the precision – getting the right amount of water, making sure it’s exactly the right temperature, and stirring for the right amount of time. Once the molding power goes in the water you have to act quickly, so make sure the dick being cast is erect and ready to go before you start mixing! (Staying hard is also a challenge when your dick is in lukewarm molding mix, I’m told. Have some porn or a sexy naked partner to hand!)

Mr CK has quite a lot of body hair, so we applied a generous amount of vaseline before we started casting. If you’re on the hairy side, I highly recommend this approach, otherwise you might end up getting an unwanted wax job!

The other thing to bear in mind is that this process can get messy! You have to hold the tube full of liquid against your groin for several minutes in a slightly upward-tilted angle, and some WILL spill out. Put a towel or an old sheet down before you start, and don’t do this in a carpeted area if you can possibly help it.

Clean-up isn’t too difficult. The molding mix washes off skin easily. Pro tip for cleaning your utensils and mixing bowl: wait for the leftover mix to completely dry, and then it will just peel away.

The molding is by far the hardest bit. Once that’s sorted, mixing up and pouring the silicone is a breeze. The one thing to be aware of is that you have to mix the silicone for several minutes (we did about 8 minutes) and then pour it as slowly as possible.

So how did it turn out?

We got a very promising mold from our dick casting! And the silicone is the most gorgeously bright and vibrant colour:

Silicone mix from the Clone a Willy Kit

As per the advice, we decided to leave the mold to set overnight and then pour the silicone the next morning. As such, the final product is currently setting and I’ll add some photos tomorrow. Watch this space!

Clone a Willy Kit in progress setting

The Outcome

Ta-da!

Finished purple silicone dildo made with Clone a Willy Kit

After this adventure, I have a newfound appreciation for folks who make beautiful dildos. This came out pretty well for a first go – its structurally sound, useable, and actually a pretty good likeness to its, erm, source material.

But it’s still a far cry from what the professionals can do. Support your favourite lovely dildo-makers, people!

(But also clone your/your partner’s dick at home with one of these kits, because it’s fun!)

Final Verdict

This whole experience was messy, awkward, and absolutely hilarious. You’ll need a good sense of humour if you want to make a Clone a Willy, but we had tonnes of fun making ours!

The Clone a Willy kit retails for £34.99 from Lovehoney ($44.99 US).

I’ll just leave you with this:

Me: “What do you think people do with their cloned dick if they have a really bad breakup?”
Him: (beat) “Will it blend?”

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this and all my review posts. Want to support the blog? Buying me a coffee is a great way to do that!