Did you see that Netflix series How to Build a Sex Room? Like millions of other kinksters, I watched it and it got me thinking about what my own “sex room” might look like. In a world where I had a much bigger house than I do and an unlimited interior design budget, one of the first things I’d do would be to construct a badass playroom or home dungeon. And of course, from a bondage bed and spanking bench to suspension points and toy storage solutions, I’ve put a lot of thought into this concept and what I’d want to include.
It goes without saying that you don’t need tonnes of amazing kit to do BDSM. Your first and best tool in constructing scenes is your imagination. But one of the reasons I enjoy going to clubs and public play spaces is to use the kit I don’t have access to at home. I suspect the same is true for a lot of kinksters who play at clubs, dungeons and parties.
So just for fun, let’s do a little kink-meets-interior-design. If I could build my dream home dungeon, what would I put in it?
Suspension Points
Suspension points are absolutely essential if you want to do any kind of shibari or bondage that includes someone coming off the ground. You can get portable suspension frames (I actually have one in bits in my spare room right now!) but properly ceiling-mounted hard points are safer, more space-efficient, and less effort to set up.
Suspension points (AKA hard points) aren’t just for rope, either. You can also use them for other things, such as mounting a sex swing.
Speaking of which…
A Sex Swing
Sex swings are so versatile. They allow you to get into all kinds of positions safely and comfortably that would not otherwise be possible. They’re great for trying out different positions for penetrative sex (either with a bio-cock or a strap-on) but you can also use them for oral sex, kink scenarios, and more.
I actually own a door-mounted sex swing, but it has never come out of its packaging for the simple reason that I do not trust the structural integrity of my very old house’s doors that much. It feels like a recipe for injury. So a proper sex swing that I could mount on safe, load-rated hard points would be amazing.
The awesome thing about bondage beds is they’re not just one thing. Despite the name, a bondage bed can also be a table or flat surface, a restraint rack, an alternative to a St Andrews cross for standing impact play, and much more. You can even use it in conjunction with other items of dungeon furniture to create just about anything your kinky heart desires. For example, why not add a toy mount, which can hold a dildo or wand vibrator in place against the bottom’s body while keeping the top’s hands free to do other things?
The possibilities are limited only by your imagination, your and your partner’s boundaries, and the laws of physics. A good bondage bed will also be able to accommodate all body types, no matter your size or weight.
I’d love a customisable bondage bed for my home dungeon. I think I’d really enjoy getting cuffed to it for a flogging, or using it with the toy mount for edging and denial scenes. Given the size, it would also be ideal for group scenes. I think it would be super fun to cuff two submissives to it in a face to face position, making them each watch what’s happening to the other one. Exhibitionism, voyeurism, anticipation, and a little light fear play all in one… fun, no?
A Spanking Bench
The humble spanking bench always seems to be one of the most-used bits of kit whenever I go to a dungeon or play party. A spanking bench allows the bottom to hold a bent-over position for impact play more easily. It can help the bottom to stay comfortable and prevent them moving around too much, give the top a clear spot to aim for, and enhance feelings of vulnerability and humiliation if you’re into that.
My ideal spanking bench would be one of those lovely wooden, leather-padded ones that comes with built-in restraints for the wrists, ankles, and upper body.
A Bondage Wheel
One of my favourite local dungeons has one of these, and I absolutely love it. It’s a padded, wall-mounted wheel with restraints to strap a person to in an upright position. You can then tilt it in any direction, or even spin it all the way around.
Bondage wheels are fun for all kinds of reasons. You can immobilise your partner and move them around at will to try out different activities or reach different parts of their body. If disorientation is something you like to play with, combining a bondage wheel with sensory deprivation play can create a very intense experience.
They’re also a fun way to experiment with inversion (being upside down) in a way that you can get out of in seconds if you need to.
Wall-Mounted Toy Storage
When designing the perfect kinky play space, practicality is at least as important as aesthetics. To that end, I’d make use of wall-mounted toy storage solutions.
I have to credit sex and mental health writer JoEllen Notte for the genius idea of using a wall-mounted wine rack to store wand vibrators. I’d love to display my wands this way in my hypothetical home dungeon! (JoEllen is also the person who gave me the idea of repurposing door-hanging shoe holders with multiple pockets, which I now use to store both my sex toys and my hair and beauty products!)
I’d also love to have some beautiful wooden or metal hooks on the walls to store my floggers, paddles, and other large impact toys as well as coils of rope and cuff sets.
Erotic Art & Decor
I have a growing collection of erotic art in my office and bedroom, from shibari-themed embroidery to a sapphic BDSM print to an incense holder shaped like a vulva. I’d love to expand this collection a lot more, and I feel like my home dungeon would be the perfect place to show this off. My dream would be to invest in commissioning my favourite kinky and sex-positive artists to create some custom work for the space.
As far as colour schemes, I’m thinking dark wood furniture and splashes of dark plum purple and rich teal green. Less “red room of pain” and more “high-end hotel suite… but make it kinky.”
Aftercare Corner
Aftercare is one of the most crucial parts of a good kink scene. Good aftercare helps the players to ground, regroup, and connect to each other again as equal humans after intense play. My dungeon would have a cosy aftercare corner with a comfortable sofa, warm blankets, and maybe a mini-fridge well stocked with water and snacks for a post-play pick-me-up.
What would you want in your home dungeon?
FYI: this post was sponsored. All views and writing are, as always, my own.
It’s that time of year again when I do a day-by-day unboxing of the Lovehoney Advent Calendar for couples! Lovehoney UK is offering three advent calendars this year: a 12-day version and a 24-day version in partnership with Womanizer, as well as the Amorana Deluxe 24-day calendar which contains over £1100 worth of products. In the US, the 24-day version is the only one currently available.
I received the Lovehoney x Womanizer 24-day advent calendar. Straight away, I will say that I like the presentation of this Lovehoney advent calendar much more than previousiterations. The products are packaged in little individually labelled cardboard boxes in festive red and gold, rather than the tear-off doors that start to look a little scruffy when you’re a few days in. There’s also no plastic inner tray, cutting down on single-use plastic to make the whole thing more eco-friendly.
For the next 24 days, I’ll open one door each day and tell you a little about the item inside in a mini review with product info, pros and cons.
Without further ado, let’s dive into Day 1, shall we?
Day #1: Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
Like previous iterations of the Lovehoney Advent Calendar, this one begins with a rechargeable bullet vibrator. This time, it’s a pretty rose gold colour with black button and Lovehoney insignia.
Light and compact – ideal for sliding between bodies during partnered sex or throwing into your bag for a sexy date
Surprisingly decent level of power for its size and price-point, and the hard plastic transmits the vibrations well
Versatile – designed for clits but great for penises, balls, nipples, and all kinds of other erogenous zones too (don’t use it anally, though, as it doesn’t have a suitable base)
Cons
Unlike many Lovehoney toys, it does not arrive with any charge so you’ll need to plug it in before you use it. This can ruin the mood if you’re aiming for an “unbox and use straight away” vibe.
A little more buzzy than I would prefer
Single button interface is kind of annoying when there are so many settings
Verdict
Once again, a solid basic bullet vibrator to kick things off. I would prefer it to be a bit more rumbly, but for the size and price-point it’s decent.
Day #2: Lube and Toy Wipes
Door #2 contains two items: a 60ml tube of Womanizer water-based lubricant and a packet of 10 Lovehoney toy cleaning wipes.
Pros
The biodegradable wipes are eco-friendly
The handy travel sizes are ideal for taking with you on a date or weekend away
Both products are compatible with all toy materials including silicone
The lube has a nice, fairly thin and runny consistency that flows and spreads well
The lube is virtually scent-free and flavourless
Cons
The lube contains glycerin as the second ingredient. Experts believe that glycerin can damage the vagina’s mucus membranes and raise the osmolality of a lube, increasing the risk of irritation or even infection. Claims that glycerin contributes to yeast infections are somewhat controversial and hotly debated. However, experts at Stanford OB/GYN and the Cleveland Clinic believe there is a risk. Personally, I avoid glycerin-containing lubes for the sake of my vaginal health. They also tend to have an unpleasant sticky or tacky feeling after a while.
The toy wipes will clean your toy and should not be taken as a substitute for properly sterilizing it, especially if you are sharing it with a partner or partners.
Verdict
I like this combination of two miniature products together, but I would like to see the lube swapped out with one that doesn’t contain glycerin.
Day #3: Silicone Textured Dildo
Today’s box revealed a bright red silicone dildo with a curved shaft, gentle rippling texture on the underside, and slightly pronounced head. It also has a suction cup base and a hollow space where you can insert the bullet vibrator from Day 1.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Scarlet red
Body safe? Yes, silicone is body-safe and non-porous
Waterproof: Yes, there is no motor and the material is non-porous so you can safely use this toy in water
Size: 6″ length, 1.2″ diameter at widest point
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Sterile wipe, warm water and antibacterial soap, or boiling
Lovely curve, ideal for targeted G-spot or prostate stimulation
Large base makes the toy anal safe
Works with or without the bullet vibe from Day 1 (or any suitably sized bullet in your collection)
Texturing adds additional internal stimulation
Cons
Bullet vibe has a tendency to get stuck and be hard to remove (pro tip: lube it first!)
Base is too small for the toy to be harness-compatible
Verdict
A great basic textured dildo! These kits are really aimed at people who are newer to toys/sexual exploration, and this item’s thoughtful design and small-ish size make it ideal for a first dildo. I would like to see a slightly larger base to make it harness-compatible, though.
Day #4: TPE Penis Stroker
Day 4’s box contains a TPE penis stroker, complete with a slot along the side to add the bullet vibrator from Day 1 (or any other bullet in your collection) if you want to.
Body safe? Ish. TPE is generally non-toxic but it is porous, which means it will harbour bacteria and cannot be fully sterilised. Don’t share it and don’t expect it to last forever. I recommend upgrading to a silicone stroker when you can.
Waterproof: Yes, you can use this toy in water safely, though it may damage the material more quickly.
Size: 4″ length but stretchy
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Warm water and antibacterial soap. Dusting the toy with a little cornstarch after cleaning and drying may help to extend its life.
A decent introduction to strokers if you’ve never used one before
Ability to use with the bullet vibrator from Day 1, transforming it into a vibrating stroker
Very stretchy to accommodate most penis sizes
Nice internal texturing that hugs and stimulates the entire shaft of your penis
Cons
Weird powdery texture that feels horrible on my hands
Material cannot be fully sterilised
Unlikely to last long
Verdict
It’s fine for what it is, but I would much prefer it were made of a non-porous material like silicone. Again: if you like the sensation, upgrade to a silicone stroker for a toy that will last you a lifetime and be far more hygienic.
Day #5: Kink Blindfold
Sensory deprivation can be a lot of fun to play with. By taking away one or more of the senses (such as sight) you heighten the others (such as touch). It can also be a great way to enhance anticipation, play with power and control, or otherwise explore whatever aspects of kink and BDSM appeal to you.
Today’s advent calendar box contains a kink blindfold. Made of polyester and with a pretty black and rose gold pattern, this blindfold measures 7″ across and 2.5″ top to bottom. A similar item retails for £7.99 if bought separately.
Pros
Stretchy elastic means the blindfold will fit most users
Plushy padded backing is comfortable to wear
Pretty black and rose gold design
Doubles as a sleep mask (I have several of these now and as a seasoned kinkster I rarely use them for BDSM as I have better blindfolds, but I always take one with me when I travel to help me sleep)
Cons
Not quite big enough – it blocks most of the light effectively but I can still see around the edges a bit if I keep my eyes open
Cheap fabric is starting to pull at the edges and look less attractive after just a few wears
I’m not sure how well it would survive washing
Verdict
A perfectly serviceable basic blindfold if you just want to play but aren’t looking for complete sight deprivation. It would be better if it was slightly wider. If you enjoy playing with this, then it’s easy to upgrade to a better kink blindfold that will last you longer and block more of your vision.
Day #6: Crystal Butt Plug
Box #6 contains an aluminium metal butt plug with a sparkly red crystal-look base.
Product Info
Material: Aluminium
Colour: Rose gold body with a red gem base
Body safe? Generally yes; aluminium is a non-toxic and non-porous metal that is safe for use in sex toys. However, some aluminium can contain traces of nickel so I’d be very cautious if you are allergic.
Waterproof: Yes, you can use this toy in water with no issues.
Size: 3″ in total length, 1.1″ in diameter at widest insertable point
Cleaning: Sterile wipe, 10% bleach solution, or warm water and antibacterial soap. I wouldn’t boil this one or put it in the dishwasher as it might damage the glue holding the gem in place.
RRP if bought as a single item:This similar toy retails for £22.99
Pros
Surprisingly light – aluminium is a lot lighter than stainless steel, making it a more accessible entry point for metal toys
The rose gold body and red crystal colour scheme is really pretty
Great for temperature play – just pop it in the fridge or run it under some warm (not hot) water right before use
Small size likely to make it suitable for more users
Cons
In general, I think a metal anal toy in a set aimed at beginners is a bold choice. I might have gone for silicone instead.
The firm rounded base might dig in after you’ve been wearing it for a while and could be uncomfortable
Verdict
A nice little metal plug; personally I would have gone for silicone if I were designing this kit, but as entry-level metal anal toys go this is a decent one. The pretty colour and sparkly crystal make it super cute, too.
Day #7: Vanilla Massage Oil
Day 7’s box contains a 30ml bottle of Lovehoney’s vanilla massage oil. Massage can be a great precursor to sex, a way to connect intimately and show love and affection to a partner without getting your genitals involved, or a form of aftercare. For those in kinky dynamics, it can also be a fun form of service!
Product Info
This vanilla massage oil contains just four ingredients:
Ethylhexyl palmite: A common and safe emollient and carrying agent which can soften and smooth the skin.
Caprylic/capric triglyceride: Derived from coconut oil and glycerine, this antioxidant also smooths the skin and helps to bind other ingredients. It is safe for topical use unless you have a coconut oil allergy.
Isopropyl myristate: An emollient with low viscosity which softens, smooths, and moisturises the skin and is safe and beneficial for most users. It may cause skin irritation in a small minority of people, usually those with existing skin conditions.
Parfum (aroma): This is a weird one. “Parfum” isn’t actually an ingredient but a concoction that could contain any of over 3000 ingredients designed to make a product smell good. Some people recommend avoiding products with this mystery mix, others say it’s probably fine as long as you don’t have an allergy or sensitivity. Personally I don’t worry about it too much for products for occasional topical use (such as massage oils), but your risk tolerance may vary.
This oil is also sold separately under Lovehoney’s Fifty Shades of Grey branded products and retails for £11.99 for 30ml.
Pros
Nice vanilla smell, distinctive but not overpowering or too “chemically”
Glides on smoothly and has a pleasant skin feel
Cons
Dries out quickly and doesn’t last particularly well, meaning you might need to reapply it regularly
May be unsuitable for those with fragrance sensitivities or certain skin allergies
Leaves a slight oily feeling on my hands after use
Verdict
Not my favourite massage oil, but it’s fine. I wouldn’t likely buy this again as there are other massage products I like a lot more.
Day #8: Wrist Restraints
Today’s box contains a pair of velcro-shut wrist cuffs with plastic hardware. The cuffs are black, and the hardware is rose gold, matching various other items in this set. I’ll say this for Lovehoney and Womanizer, they have their aesthetic cohesion down.
Pros
I will say straight away that these are a huge step up from the 2021 calendar’s “wrist restraints” (glorified ribbons and frankly pretty dangerous) and from 2022’s uncomfortable rough cuffs. These ones are made of a soft material that feels nice against the skin.
Other pros include:
Velcro fastenings come undone in seconds, enhancing safety and making them beginner-friendly
Very adjustable so will fit just about anyone
Attached clips allow you to cuff someone’s hands together or clip them to something else
Cons
Clips are tiny, so what you can fasten them to is pretty limited
Not particularly strong – the hardware feels like it would break if you pulled against them too hard
When you fasten them tighter, there’s nowhere for the spare velcro to be tucked so it just sort of… dangles
Verdict
You might be sending a theme in my overall impression of this kit: these cuffs aren’t amazing, but they’re fine. If you want to play with light bedroom bondage or try out getting restrained for the first time, they’re ideal. If you’re looking for something a bit more heavy-duty, though, you’ll probably want to upgrade to leather cuffs (or vegan equivalent) or go to a dedicated kink gear maker.
Day #9: We-Vibe Sync Lite
The We-Vibe Sync Light is a wearable vibrator designed to be inserted into the vagina during penetrative sex, with an external arm that provides clitoral stimulation. Of course, as always, there are lots of different ways to use toys and the suggested way is just one of them!
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: No – toy is IPX-4 splashproof but should not be submerged
Middling power vibrations – they’re not knock-your-socks-off, but they’re decent
Flexible middle between the two arms allows you to position the toy in whatever way is most comfortable for your body
App controls! I did not expect to find an app-controlled toy in this kit but I am very pleasantly surprised. We-Vibe’s app is free from the Android or iOS stores and allows you to connect at close range or remotely from anywhere in the world.
Cons
No remote control, which is a downside if you don’t want to use the app
Single button interface on the body of the toy is kind of annoying
Not waterproof
In my experience, these toys don’t generally stay in place well during partnered sex without someone holding them in position
Verdict
This is a really impressive addition to the kit! These types of toys are normally seriously pricey, so this is a great introduction for those who are curious about trying one. The app controls are also a really nice extra, particularly for couples who want to connect sexually over long distance.
Day #10: Silicone Cock Ring
Today’s item is a basic silicone thick cock ring. Cock rings are worn around the base of the penis, restricting blood flow outwards to help the wearer maintain a stronger erection for longer. Some also say they heighten sensation and intensify orgasm.
According to Healthline, cock rings are safe for the vast majority of wearers as long as you listen to your body, wear a ring of a suitable size, and follow some basic precautions, such as using lube and not leaving the ring on for more than 30 minutes at a time.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes – silicone is non-porous and non-toxic.
Waterproof: Yes, this toy is non-porous and has no motor so can safely be used in water
Size: 1.5″ diameter but stretchy
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Boiling, a 10% bleach solution, a sterile wipe, or warm water and antibacterial soap
May be uncomfortably tight on those with very girthy penises
Verdict
Not much more to say on this one – a great basic cock ring that is also body-safe and should be durable and long-lasting.
Day #11: Spanking Paddle
Today’s item is a mini spanking paddle with a pretty black and rose gold design matching other items in the kit. It’s made of silky satin on one side and faux leather on the other, and has a ribbon wrist loop. It measures 9″ in total length.
Very safe as an intro toy for impact play beginners – you’re very unlikely to do anyone real damage with this
Slightly different sensation from each of the two sides (the leather side is a little more stingy)
Impressive slappy noise which is hot to some people
Cons
Unlikely to satisfy anyone who enjoys more than very mild pain
Loud noise may be problematic if you have to keep your play discreet
Not particularly robust, will probably fall apart after a bit
Verdict
This is a perfectly okay spanking paddle for total beginners. It’s gentle enough to be safe and non-threatening, and might be a decent way to figure out if impact play is something you enjoy. It’s unlikely to satisfy serious BDSM enthusiasts but honestly, serious BDSM enthusiasts aren’t the target market for this kit anyway.
Today it’s literally the card game “Snap” but as a sex position card game. Is the idea that you play the game and then when you get a “snap”, you have to have sex in that position? Because YKINMKBYKIOK and all, but that doesn’t sound sexy to me.
Also, they should really rename this as “Sex Position Card Game For Very Athletic Straight People.” Because seriously, look at them. They all assume, to a greater or lesser extent, a cisgender man and woman having penetrative vaginal sex. Some of them are fine, if fairly generic. Some are potentially doable, if you’re very fit, like “The Wheelbarrow”:
Others are… well, this:
Stop it, Lovehoney. You’re being silly now.
Pros
Potentially a fun, goofy and low-pressure way into exploring new positions, I guess?
Calls to mind this scene from The Bold Type in which our three bestie protagonists test out a new sex position for Scarlet Magazine.
Some of these, at least, could potentially work for strap-on sex or anal sex (at least if you made some minor adjustments) as well as vaginal sex.
Cons
A lot of these are just fairly standard positions that most people who have penetrative sex likely already have in their repertoire.
The others are, as we have identified above, anything from “improbable if you’re not an athlete” to “physically im-fucking-possible.”
Extremely cishetero and gendered
Verdict
You might get a little inspiration from this, or at the very least you’ll have a laugh trying out some of the more challenging positions. Overall, though, I don’t know why we’re still pretending that contorting yourself into all kinds of weird shapes is superior to or hotter than good old missionary, doggy style, or over-the-edge-of-the-bed fucking.
Day #13: G-Spot/P-Spot Massager
Today’s product is a G-Spot/P-Spot Massager. In other words, a penetrative toy that can be used to stimulate either the G-spot or the prostate. It has an optional slot to insert a bullet vibrator such as the one from Day 1.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes (though if you’re using a vibrator with it, make sure that’s waterproof too!)
Size: 4″ insertable length, 1.4″ diameter at widest point
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, boiling, or gentle antibacterial soap and water
RRP if bought as a single item: N/A – not available
Pros
Suitable and safe for both vaginal and anal use
Can be used with or without a vibrator
Very flexible, which can help with insertion and comfortable positioning
Bulbed head for precision stimulation of the G-spot or prostate
Narrow neck allows it to sit comfortably once inserted
Beginner-friendly size
Cons
None that I can see!
Verdict
This is a lovely item and a great inclusion in the kit. It’s good to see items that are suitable for people regardless of their body or genital type, the shape and curve are excellent, and the size isn’t too intimidating for those who are new to anal play.
Day #14: Menthol Pleasure Balm
Today’s item is a 7g tin of Lovehoney’s menthol pleasure balm. This item isn’t sold separately in this form but it’s pretty similar to the Bliss Orgasm Balm, which I love and use regularly.
Product Info
In a nutshell, pleasure balm or orgasm balm is designed to be applied to the external genitals, especially the clitoris. The ingredients provide a tingling sensation and may encourage blood flow, promoting greater sensitivity.
The Menthol Pleasure Balm contains a pretty long list of ingredients, but most of them give me no cause for concern. It does contain propylparaben, and some people like to avoid parabens entirely for understandable reasons. However, according to a report by the Scientific Committee on Consumer Safety, “the SCCS has concluded that propylparaben is safe when used as a preservative in cosmetic products up to a maximum concentration of 0.14%.” I’m not a scientist, of course, but I would conclude from this data that the tiny amount in this product is unlikely to do you any harm.
Unfortunately this balm contains beeswax, so it is not vegan.
Pros
7g doesn’t sound like a very big tin, but you really don’t need a lot to get the effects so you’ll get a good few uses out of this
Genuinely works! I have had several tins of this stuff over the years and I love it. It really does enhance sensitivity (it’s not a magic orgasm spell, though, so keep your expectations realistic!)
Some of the plant-based oils and other ingredients may have beneficial properties for skin
Cons
Not vegan due to beeswax
Oily consistency can make clean-up a bit annoying
Strong minty scent may be unpleasant to some people
Verdict
I still really like this stuff, though I think personally I’ll be sticking to the vegan, paraben-free version.
Day #15: Plastic Massager
Today’s item is a handheld plastic massager. It’s red and sparkly, and has a central handle and then four arms each with a spherical bulb on the end to get deep into all those muscles and knots. On its own, this item retails for £5.99.
Pros
Light weight and ergonomic design make it comfortable to hold and use
Great way to give a deeper massage, especially if your hands or wrists get tired or sore
Flexible options – use one, two, or all four ends at once for different sensations
Really good for getting properly into sore muscles!
Basically zero maintenance – just wash off excess massage oil after use and you’re good to go
Cons
Because it’s hard plastic, you need to be a little bit careful – you could possibly hurt someone if you press too hard. We’re not talking “serious injury” here, but maybe “nasty bruise.”
Verdict
I really like this one. And it’s sparkly, which never hurts my opinion of a product!
Day #16: Micro Wand Vibrator
Today’s product is a micro wand vibrator. Look how tiny it is!
Product Info
Material: Plastic body. I thought the head material was probably silicone but wasn’t 100% sure, so I flame-tested it and based on what I know about deciphering flame test results I think I’m correct
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes, assuming it is indeed silicone
Waterproof: No
Size: 4.5″ in total length
Speeds/patterns: 3 speeds, 7 patterns
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Wipe the head with a body-safe sterile wipe (do not submerge this toy in water)
Easy user interface and satisfyingly clicky buttons
Cons
Requires batteries, which are not included (2 x AAA)
Not waterproof
Vibrations not particularly powerful
Buzzy as fuck
Verdict
I think people see “wand vibrator” and assume that it’s going to be powerful. But this isn’t a wand in any meaningful sense. This is a wand. This tiny little thing, though, is just a crappy vibrator with a weak and buzzy motor designed to look like a micro version of a wand.
I already have something very similar from a previous calendar, and it’s often within reach because it does wonders for my sore neck when I’ve been sitting at the computer for too long. Partners have also really enjoyed having it used on them.
Day #17: Dice Sex Game
Today’s box contains a simple dice sex game. One dice includes pictures of items from the calendar (stroker, bullet vibe, paddle, mini wand, dildo, and massager). The other contains timeframes ranging from 1 minute to 15 minutes, plus a “free” option.
Pros
Can be a fun, low-pressure way into exploring with a partner if you are new and nervous about using toys or experimenting sexually
You can use the dice in different ways. I’m immediately thinking of a game where you roll the “implement” die three times and then have to come up with a quick scene that incorporates all three elements.
Cons
Things can end up feeling unbalanced if you follow the game too rigidly. If one person gets 15 minutes of something then the other rolls one minute, it’s probably not going to feel very mutual. Of course, you can get around this by creating “house rules” or just ensuring everyone gets roughly equal time (or whatever they want/need) even if you’re switching between different activities.
Verdict
Not really my thing, but perfectly fine for its intended audience.
Day #18: Ankle Restraints
Remember those velcro-fastening wrist cuffs from Day 8? Well, today’s box containd the matching set of ankle restraints. These, too, are black with rose gold hardware and come with a clip to fasten them together.
Pros
Like the wrist cuffs, they’re a huge step up from the rough nylon cuffs and those unsafe ribbon things from previous years
Soft and comfy to wear
Safe and beginner-friendly as you can unfasten them in a second
Very adjustable sizing
Cons
The clips are tiny and not very strong
Annoying dangling velcro strap when they’re on
Mostly, I’m just annoyed that these were a separate item. All four cuffs should have been in the same box as they’re clearly a set.
Verdict
Exactly like the other half of this matching set (sensing a pattern here?) these are far from amazing, but they’re fine. They do the job if all you want to do is experiment with light bondage. If you find you enjoy it, you can always splash out on some properly made kink ankle cuffs later on.
Day #19: Kegel Balls
Day 19’s box contains a set of kegel balls, AKA ben-wa balls. Kegel balls are interesting, because there are a lot of lofty claims out there about them. They’ll solve incontinence! They’ll make your orgasms better! They might even make it easier to orgasm if you struggle!
Is any of this true?
Eh. Maybe. Check out my past posts on kegel balls and kegel exercisers, especially this one, to learn more about what the current research does and does not say.
In this post I will be approaching kegel balls solely as a sex toy designed for pleasure, not as any sort of health or wellness device.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Red balls with black casing
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 3″ insertable length, 3.5″ tail, 1.1″ diameter across each ball
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Boiling is best as this will kill all bacteria even in hard-to-reach places
RRP if bought as a single item:This similar set retails for £12.99
Pros
Small enough for beginners
Long and strong silicone cord for easy removal
Removeable sling makes cleaning easy
Cons
None that I can find – these are great.
Verdict
An ideal introduction to kegel balls for anyone who has never tried them before.
Day #20: Rabbit Cock Ring
Day 20’s box contains a silicone cock ring with rabbit ears. This can be used with the bullet vibrator from Day 1, or on its own. When combined with the bullet vibrator, the ears can provide clitoral stimulation to the receptive partner during penetrative sex as well as stimulating the wearer. On its own, it still gives you all the benefits of using a cock ring.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 1.5″ ring diameter, 1″ ears
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube
Cleaning: Boiling, soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution
RRP if bought as a single item: Not available but this similar item retails for £24.99
Pros
Versatile toy suitable for use during masturbation or partnered sex, and with or without a vibrator
Adds clitoral stimulation, which a large majority of vulva-owners need to orgasm and which is not always forthcoming during p-in-v sex
Wide band for comfortable fit
Stretchy to accommodate different sizes
Cons
May not fit people with very girthy penises comfortably
Verdict
Realistically, this toy is not something I’m likely to use. My experience has been that vibrating cock rings during penetrative sex don’t tend to do much for me as the stimulation they provide isn’t consistent enough. But everyone’s different and it’s a perfectly fine item, just not really for me.
Day #21: Beginner Nipple Clamps
Day 21’s box contains a pair of nipple clamps. They’re made of rose gold plastic, with a little decorative lightning bolt charm and red silicone tips. The slider design allows you to loosen or tighten them as desired.
They’re cute; I like the colour and the lightning charm is a fun touch
Easy to put on and take off quickly
Adjustable to fit different nipple sizes and tightness preferences
Very gentle, which makes them suitable beginner nipple clamps
Cons
That beginner-friendly gentleness means they’re unlikely to be enough for wearers who prefer any significant pressure or intensity
Won’t fit people with larger nipples
The slider starts to rub off the coloured plating after a few uses
They don’t stay on particularly well and fall off at the slightest tug
Verdict
These are fine if you’re just after a pair of purely decorative nipple clamps or want to try something very gentle for your first time. However, they’re neither particularly functional nor particularly durable for anything more than that. If you like them or want to experiment more with nipple clamps, get a more robust pair of adjustable clamps or try clover clamps.
Day #22: Finger Vibe Sleeve
Box 22 contains a finger vibe sleeve. There’s a space to insert a bullet vibrator (such as the bullet vibe from Day 1, or any other bullet in your collection that fits) and a loop for your finger.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Red
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes (but the bullet vibrator you use with it may or may not be, so check first!)
Size: 2.5″ long sleeve for bullet, 0.5″ diameter finger loop
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube
Cleaning: Boiling, soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution
Pairs with the bullet vibrator from Day 1, allowing yet another way to use it
Offers a fun new way to explore fingering and hand sex, which I believe are wildly underrated sex acts and should be explored far more
Gentle texturing on the underside offers additional clitoral stimulation
Can reduce the physical effort of the giving partner during hand sex, which is useful if you suffer from pain or fatigue in your hands
Cons
The finger loop is tiny! It was snug on me, and I have small hands. Someone with larger hands doesn’t stand a chance using this
If your bullet vibrator isn’t super powerful, the silicone dampens the vibrations
Texturing could do with being a bit more pronounced
Verdict
This is a really nice addition to the kit at least in theory. However, it feels to me like the design was a bit rushed and basic things – is the finger loop large/stretchy enough to be comfortable, is the texturing pronounced enough to be felt by most users? – were missed.
Day #23: Under-Mattress Restraints
Today’s item is a set of under-mattress restraints with clips to attach cuffs at each corner. These four-way restraints are designed to fit under your mattress, which then anchors them in place. Use in conjunction with the wrist cuffs from Day 8 and the ankle cuffs from Day 18 for a full set of restraints.
Adjustable to use with all bed sizes, including my fabulous super-king
Great way to try bedroom bondage if you want to tie someone to the bed but don’t have a metal bed frame or other suitable hard points.
Easy to tuck them out of sight quickly if you need to without dismantling the whole set-up
Strong and sturdy material
Safe and easy introduction to bondage
Pairs with the cuffs in this set or, if you prefer, you can upgrade to better cuffs and continue using the restraint kit
Cons
I feel like the under-mattress restraints and pairs of cuffs should have been ONE item in the advent calendar, not three. Otherwise, no complaints.
Verdict
Overall, this is a great addition for the second-last day of the advent kit. I’m also pleasantly surprised to learn they will work with my giant bad, having assumed they wouldn’t. For people who are brand new to playing with bondage and restraint, they’re a safe and accessible place to start.
Day #24: Womanizer Liberty 2
Day 24’s box contains the second of this kit’s two premium products (the first being the We-Vibe Sync Lite from Day 9!) Namely, the Womanizer Liberty 2, a petite clitoral suction stimulator in a neat little travel case.
Product Info
Material: Plastic body and case, silicone nozzle
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes, IPX 7 waterproof
Size: 4.5″ total length
Speeds/patterns: 8 intensity levels
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube
Cleaning: Soap and water or a 10% bleach solution, or remove the nozzle and boil-sterilise the nozzle only
Petite size makes it light and comfortable to hold
Removeable nozzle is easy to clean
Quieter than comparable models at the highest speeds
Two-way controls
5 year warranty should anything go wrong
Cons
Buttons are not always as responsive as they could be – sometimes I have to press twice to get the speed to change
Verdict
Yes yes yes yes. This is an excellent product and a great note to finish on! Honestly, as long as you like at least a few of the other things at least somewhat, this toy kinda makes the value of the entire kit.
Phew. And we’re done! Will I do this again next year? Probably! Until then, I’ll return you to the regular C&K content you know and love.
The Lovehoney Advent Calendar 2024 (24 Day) retails for £149 at Lovehoney UK and $199 at Lovehoney US, and contains £457/$530 worth of products! Move fast if you want one – these usually sell out by mid November.Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the this set to review. All views are mine (with occasional input from Mr C&K!) Affiliate links appear in this post.
“I’d love to start exploring BDSM, but all the gear is so expensive!” is a complaint I hear from new and curious kinksters all the time. “I don’t even know what I like yet, how can I get started without dropping hundreds of pounds on things I might not enjoy?”
And I hear you, budget-conscious newbie. Perhaps you’ve perused your local fetish market and picked up artisan floggers, hand-dyed natural fiber ropes, or vintage violet wands, then shuddered at the price tags.
I absolutely love beautiful, unique, one-of-a-kind kink items and I believe we should all be supporting our favourite indie creators within the community. Once you know you enjoy impact play, for example, that buttery soft leather flogger with a hand-turned handle might be a worthwhile investment that will serve you well for many years. But when you’re just starting out, that can be a prohibitive amount of money to drop on a “well, that might be fun…”
Budget constraints and curiosity sometimes lead new kinksters to improvise. Some pervertables are fine, of course, but in other cases using household items for kink can be dangerous.
What is a BDSM Starter Kit or Bondage Kit for Beginners?
A BDSM starter kit might also be called a “bondage kit.” In short, it’s a collection of kink items bundled together in a package designed to help you explore.
Some of the items you might find in a beginners’ BDSM or bondage kit include:
Every BDSM starter kit is slightly different. You’ll need to choose the best one for you depending on your needs, budget, and interests.
How Can a Beginners’ Bondage Kit Help You to Explore?
What is it that interests you about bondage, kink, or BDSM?
If I asked this question to ten different newcomers to the world of kink, I would probably get ten very different answers. That’s because BDSM is a vast and varied world, encompassing all kinds of activities from impact play to power exchange, shibari to sensation play, and so much more.
This vastness is exciting, but can also be overwhelming and confusing. Investing in a BDSM starter kit can be a great place to start for several reasons.
Variety Without the Price-Tag
A kit allows you to try several different things at an affordable price. Perhaps you think you might be into pain, but you also fancy the idea of getting tied up… ooh, and that “wax play” thing sounds exciting, too! A good BDSM starter kit gives you an entry point for several different kinks.
This way, when you find something you like, you can explore it further. And if you find something isn’t for you, then you’ve learned something valuable about your desires without having spent a lot of money on a toy that will languish in the back of the bedroom closet.
Easy and Convenient
A beginners’ bondage kit or BDSM kit takes the guesswork out of kinky shopping. When you’re new, you don’t always know what you don’t know, and trying to buy toys can be confusing at best. A kit gives you an easy, one-stop place to get started.
Staying Safe
As I touched on above, improvising your kinky toys can be dangerous. Spanking your partner with a wooden spoon is likely fine, but did you know that tying someone up with a silk scarf is actually much less safe than using proper bondage rope?
Bondage kits sold by reputable retailers include products specially designed for kinky play that will help you to stay safe as long as you observe basic precautions and practice RACK (that’s Risk Aware Consensual Kink, FYI.)
Get Inspired
It’s a cliché, but a truism, that the brain is the body’s biggest and most important sexual organ. The real magic of BDSM isn’t just the feel of a flogger across your back or cuffs tightening around your wrists, but what’s happening in your mind – and in your dynamic with your partner(s) – as those things happen.
Your BDSM kit might contain items you’ve never thought to use before, and this can spark all kinds of ideas, fantasies, and inspiration.
Choose the Best Bondage Kit for You
Ready to dive in? Here are a few things you’ll want to take into consideration in choosing the best bondage kit for you.
Think about the aspects of kink that interest you the most, and prioritise. If your primary interest is in restraint, you’ll want a kit that includes ropes and/or cuffs. If you’re more interested in pain, choose a kit that comes with paddles, floggers, or crops.
Aesthetic
Yes, it matters! BDSM is a very personal thing, and different aesthetics resonate with different people. If you’re after a darker, more atmospheric mood, an all-black set might suit you. If, on the other hand, you prefer a more colourful and playful feel, you might like reds, pinks or purples. Then there are completely offbeat options, like this denim set!
This post was kindly sponsored by Whipple Tickle. You can shop bondage kits as well as sex toys, lingerie, kink gear, and more at their site. All views and writing are, as always, mine.
Once again, my lovely pals at Lovehoney have sent me their advent calendar for couples, this year created in partnership with Womanizer. And once again, I’m going to be opening a door a day and telling you about the products inside.
This kit, as the name implies, is aimed at “couples”, which assumes one penis-owner and one vulva-owner. There are several other adult advent calendars for couples in the range including 12 day toy calendars for different types of bodies and a 7 day lingerie calendar.
I’m going to try a slightly different format this year as I review this kit: giving you some basic product info, some pros and cons, and a quick final verdict on each product.
Day 1: Bullet Vibrator
Product Info
Material: ABS plastic
Colour: Shiny gold with a black Lovehoney heart insignia.
Small enough to slide between bodies during penetrative sex other activities
Versatile and suitable for a wide range of body parts
Cons
A little more buzzy than I would like
Only one button, making it a little annoying to select the pattern you want
Verdict
A decent, basic bullet vibrator. Unlikely to satisfy serious power fans or those who really need rumbles, but otherwise perfectly serviceable and does what it says on the tin.
Day 2: Ribbed Penis Stroker
Product Info
Material: TPE, I think
Colour: Translucent white
Body safe? Kinda. TPE isn’t toxic but it is porous and will harbour bacteria
Waterproof: Yes, submersible
Size: 4″ in length, very stretchy
Lube compatible: Yes, water-based only
Cleaning: Gentle soap and warm water. Please note that TPE can be washed but cannot be sterilised
Pros
Small pocket in the side, allowing you to insert yesterday’s bullet vibrator (or any bullet vibe of your choice)
Soft, squishy feeling material
Very stretchy, making it suitable for the vast majority of dick sizes
Nice internal texturing
Cons
Material cannot be fully sterilised due to its porous nature
Material is already starting to tear around the holes
Likely only good for a few uses
Verdict
An okay stroker for a few uses, or for a beginner to find out if this is a sensation they enjoy. It won’t last long, though, so if you enjoy using it I recommend upgrading to a silicone stroker ASAP.
Day 3: Wrist Restraints
Product Info
Material: Polypropylene with plastic hardwear
Colour: Black with gold clips
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: No
Size: Each cuff is 14″ in total length
Cleaning: Wipe clean if necessary
Pros
Highly adjustable to fit the vast majority of people
Velcro fastenings are quick to undo, making them safe and beginner-friendly
Can be clipped together using the attached gold clips
Cons
Material isn’t particularly soft so not very comfortable for long-term wear
Not very strong so only suitable for light bondage activities
Verdict
These are a very basic set of cuffs. They’re serviceable for complete beginners and very light bondage, and may help you to discover whether being restrained or restraining your partner is something you enjoy. If you do, though, consider upgrading to a set of proper bondage cuffs if you can.
Day 4: Mint Orgasm Balm
This product, very similar to Lovehoney’s Bliss Orgasm Balm (a surprising winner and a fave I return to again and again) is designed to be applied to external erogenous zones such as the clit and nipples. The menthol provides a cooling, tingling sensation that brings additional bloodflow to the area and increases sensitivity.
Product Info
Packaging: A small gold tin with black detailing
Body-safe? Yes, as long as you’re not allergic/sensitive to any of the ingredients
Vegan? Unfortunately not, as it contains beeswax
Safe for use in water: Yes
Clean-up: You’ll need to use plenty of soap and warm water as this is an oil-based product
Pros
Really does enhance pleasure – the extra sensitivity is glorious
Great for an all-day tease or kinky edging/orgasm control games.
A little goes a long way
Cons
Oily consistency makes clean-up a little annoying
Strong minty scent can linger even after washing
Verdict
Having tried variations on this product previously (including in last year’s calendar), I’m not at all surprised to say that today’s item is a hit. I really love this stuff.
Day 5: G-Spot Dildo
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Purple
Body safe? Yes, silicone is phthalate-free and non-porous
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 5″ insertable length, 1.59″ diameter at widest point
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Lovely curve, ideal for targeting the G-spot
Soft silicone with a firm head
Has a slot in the base to insert the bullet vibe from day 1 (or any bullet vibrator)
Flared base for anal safety
Cons
Bullet can get kinda stuck if you accidentally wedge it in too far
Base isn’t quite wide enough to use with a harness
Verdict
This is a lovely little dildo. Body-safe, a non-threatening size (suitable for the less experienced toy users this calendar is really aimed at), and suitable for use with or without a vibrator. If I was going to make one change, I’d make the base a little wider to make it harness-compatible for strap-on sex.
Day 6: Thick Cock Ring
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes, silicone is phthalate-free and non-porous
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Soft, body-safe silicone
Thick cock ring design makes it comfortable to wear
Super stretchy to accommodate the vast majority of penis sizes
Comes with a useful (multilingual) safety guide
Cons
None – this is a great basic toy.
Verdict
An excellent basic cock ring. No criticisms here; it’s body-safe, will fit the vast majority of users, and should last for years if you look after it.
Day 7: Blindfold
Product Info
Material: Polyester
Colour: Black with gold detailing
Waterproof: No
Size: 7″ across, 2.5″ top to bottom
Cleaning: Not washable – wipe clean only
Pros
Plushy padding makes it comfortable to wear
Stretchy elastic to fit most users
Super pretty gold-on-black “night sky” design
Doubles nicely as a cute sleep mask
Cons
Cheap fabric that starts to pull at the edges after a couple uses
Not quite big enough to completely block vision
Verdict
This is okay as a very basic blindfold. If you’re brand new to this sort of play or just wanting something you can pop over your/your partner’s eyes for a kinky twist without aiming for complete sensory deprivation, it’s fine. But it could do with being slightly bigger (to better block the light). Though the design is pretty, the cheap fabric and inability to wash it means it’s unlikely to last particularly long.
Day 8: Sandalwood Scented Candle
Product Info
A small (40g) sandalwood-scented candle in a little gold and black tin.
Pros
Lovely, earthy sandalwood scent – ideal for setting the mood for a romantic night in
Cons
Not suitable for wax play
May be unsuitable for those with fragrance sensitivities as the scent is quite strong when lit
Verdict
It’s a nice extra if you’re someone who likes to light candles during sex (or just enjoys using scented candles to make your space smell nice.
Unlike last year’s candle, I don’t feel at all confident suggesting that this one is suitable for wax play. Its melting point is not clear and the addition of scents can sometimes make candles burn much hotter so, since it is not specifically stated as a wax play-safe candle, I wouldn’t take the risk. Choose a wax play candle or massage candle if you want to apply the wax to your skin.
Day 9: Crystal Butt Plug
Product Info
Material: Aluminium and acrylic
Colour: Gold with a purple jewel
Body safe? Yes, aluminium is a body-safe metal for sex toys as long as you are not allergic/sensitive to this metal
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 3″ total length, 2.5″ insertable length, 1.1″ diameter at widest point
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution. Do not boil or put in the dishwasher as this may cause the glue holding the gem in place to melt
Pros
Super pretty and with a purple gem – my favourite colour!
Small, non-threatening size makes it friendly for beginners
Rigid material means you get a lot of sensation from a small toy
Can be warmed up or cooled down for versatile, temperature-based play
Cons
Rigid base can dig in after a while, making it uncomfortable (and unlikely to be suitable for all-day wear)
There was already a little damage on the gem when I unboxed it, cheapening the overall look
Verdict
A cute, beginner-friendly crystal butt plug ideal for anyone curious about using metal toys for the first time. Its body-safe material and flared base mean you can enjoy it with confidence. Pro tip: if anal play feels really intense, coupling it with stimulation of your clitoris or penis can massively enhance the pleasure.
Day 10: Mini Wand Vibrator
Product Info
Material: ABS plastic body, silicone head
Colour: Black with a gold Lovehoney heart insignia
Body safe? Yes, silicone is fully non-porous and non-toxic
Waterproof: It doesn’t specify, so I assume not
Speeds/patterns: 3 speeds, 8 patterns
Size: 5″ total length, head 1.3″ diameter at widest point
Lube-compatible: Yes, any kind of lube
Cleaning: Clean the head using a body-safe sterile wipe or an antibacterial toy cleaning spray – don’t get the whole thing wet
Pros
Very light and highly portable
Flexible neck for easy positioning
Ideal for penises, nipples, and other erogenous zones as well as clits
Cons
Vibrations are only middling strength and quite buzzy
Unlike Day 1’s bullet vibrator, this one does not come pre-charged so you’ll need to charge it up before you play
Only 1 button, making it a little annoying to find the speed/pattern you want if you like to change between them
Verdict
This is a mediocre vibe. The vibration strength isn’t terrible but it’s not great either, and the overall effect is far more “buzz” than “rumble.” As a warmup toy or one for those who prefer weaker vibrations, it’s fine (the body-safe materials and flexible neck give it some points) but as a more experienced toy user I got very little out of it and I’m unlikely to use it again.
Day 11: Nipple Clamps
Product Info
Material: Plastic with silicone tips
Colour: Gold with purple tips
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 3″ in length
Cleaning: Wipe clean if necessary
Pros
Really cute gold-and-purple design with festive star decals
Comfortable to wear and not too pinchy
Adjustable via a simple slider mechanism
Cons
Not likely to fit anyone with large nipples
Adjustment slider scratches the gold plating off the clamps
They don’t stay on very well and pop off at the slightest tug
Verdict
These nipple clamps are really pretty and cute, but I don’t think they’re very high quality. The slider scratching off the plating means they won’t retain their appearance for very long and they don’t stay on for very long. They’ll be fine for a few wears if you just want them to look pretty, but don’t expect much more than that from them.
Nice sensory properties – glides on smoothly and doesn’t leave skin feeling greasy
Cons
Dries out quickly so needs reapplying often
May be unsuitable for those with fragrance allergies/sensitivities
Verdict
This is a perfectly nice massage oil with a distinctive (but not overpowering) scent. It’s pleasant to use and left my skin feeling soft and healthy. Massage can be a fun precursor to sex or a lovely activity in its own right. If you enjoy using it, you can grab a bottle of Lovehoney’s Oh! Vanilla Massage Oil for £5.99 when this one runs out.
Day 13: Tickler
Product Info
A purple feathery tickler (made from polyester and nylon) on a black velcro ring, designed for running over your or your partner’s body.
Pros
Feels nice and soft
Works well with other items from the kit, such as the blindfold and cuffs, to create a fun sensation play scene
Adjustable loop means you can wear it on your fingers like a ring or just hold it in your hand
Cons
No easy way to get it clean – if you get bodily fluids on it, consider it bonded to that person
Verdict
A nice little addition to the kit. Sensation play can be a great way into exploring BDSM and kink, or enjoying intense sensation if pain isn’t your thing. Remember that it can still be intense, and tickling in particular can be edge play or even a hard limit for some people. As with anything else, ALWAYS check in with your partner and get consent.
Day 14: Textured Stroker
Product Info
Material: TPE
Colour: Translucent white
Body safe? Sort of. TPE isn’t toxic, but it is porous and will harbour bacteria.
Waterproof: Yes, submersible
Size: 6″ long and 4″ wide when flat
Lube compatible: Yes, water-based is recommended
Cleaning: Gentle soap and warm water. Please note that TPE can be washed but cannot be sterilised.
Pros
Nice ribbed and dotted texturing
Flat wrap-around design makes it suitable for all penis sizes
Cons
Weird powdery texture that makes my sensory issues unhappy
Material cannot be properly sterilised due to its porous nature
May only last a few uses
Verdict
This is an interesting design; I like that it’s flat and wrap-around rather than the usual tube shape, and the texturing is excellent. Due to it being made of porous TPE, which will start to break down after a while, it’s probably only going to last a short time. Grab a silicone stroker if you enjoy this sensation and want a longer-lasting toy!
Day 15: Ankle Cuffs
Product Info
Material: Polypropylene with plastic hardwear
Colour: Black with gold clips
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: No
Size: Each cuff is 14″ in total length
Cleaning: Wipe clean if necessary
Pros
Go with the wrist restraints from Day 3 to make a full 4-way restraint set
Highly adjustable to fit the vast majority of people
Velcro fastenings are quick to undo, making them safe and beginner-friendly
Can be clipped together using the attached gold clips
Cons
The wrist and ankle restraints should really have been ONE day in the calendar, not 2 separate ones
Material isn’t particularly soft so not very comfortable for long-term wear
Not very strong so only suitable for light bondage activities
Verdict
Like the matching wrist restraints, these are a very basic set of ankle cuffs. They’re a fine introduction to bondage for complete beginners and will work fine if light restraint is all you want to do. If you’re interested in exploring restraint in a more intense way, though, consider upgrading to a set of proper bondage cuffs if you can.
Day 16: Body Massager
Product Info
A purple (with gold glitter) plastic body massager shaped like a five-pointed star. It measures 6″ in total length and each point is approximately 2″ in length.
Pros
Very light
Ergonomic design makes it comfortable to hold
A great way to give massages without tiring your hands or wrists (particularly good for those who experience pain in those areas)
Versatile: use all five points at once, or one at a time for a more focused sensation
Feels AMAZING. I keep reaching for mine to get the knots out of my back after spending too long working on my computer
Sparkles!
Cons
None – I actually really love this one.
Verdict
If you like the kind of deep tissue massage that sort of hurts a little bit but also feels really good, you’re going to love this one. Massage can be a great way in to sex, or a wonderful and sensual activity by itself. Combine this with the massage oil from day 12 if you like!
Day 17: Anal Beads
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes, silicone is non-porous and non-toxic, making it fully body-safe
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 6″ total length, insertable length 5″, widest bead 1.2″ in diameter
Lube-compatible: Yes, water-based only
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Can be used with the bullet vibe from day 1
Super soft silicone
Flexible for comfortable insertion and wear
Cons
Quite long – may feel intimidating to beginners
Verdict
A lovely set of anal beads. They score top marks for body-safe materials, flexible shaft with firm beads, and the ability to turn them into a vibrating toy by adding the bullet vibe from this kit (or any other bullet in your collection.)
Day 18: Finger Vibe Sleeve
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Purple
Body safe? Yes, silicone is both non-porous and non-toxic, making it an ideal safe sex toy material
Waterproof: Yes
Size: Just over 2″ total length
Lube-compatible: Yes, water-based only
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Pairs with the bullet vibe from day 1
Super soft silicone
Fun way to bring something new to hand sex (either solo or partnered)
Cons
Silicone dampens the vibrations somewhat
Smallish finger loop may mean it won’t fit those with larger hands/fingers
Couldn’t feel the texturing in use
Verdict
Finger vibes can be a fun add-on to hand sex, particularly clitoral play. I like the basic design of this finger vibe, but it’s let down by the lacklustre texturing. It needs to be much more pronounced to have any effect for any but the most sensitive of clits. But if you find the bullet vibe too intense by itself or prefer the softer feeling of silicone over hard plastic, this is a nice addition to the kit.
Day 19: Sex Dice
Product Info
A pair of dice, one listing acts (such as “kiss”, “nibble”, etc.) and one listing body parts. The idea is that you roll them together and then do the act stipulated.
Pros
Can be a fun way to explore different sensations
Sex is best when there’s laughter, and this guarantees plenty of that
Not gendered
Cons
Occasionally baffling combinations (no, I do not want you to suck my back, thanks!)
Verdict
I don’t have anything against the concept of sex dice, but I think they’re just not really for me. I prefer sex to be fluid rather than gamified and I’d rather just communicate and do what feels good in the moment. So while I think these would probably be great for some people (I’ve particularly found that sex games like this can be a fun icebreaker in group sex scenarios), I don’t think I’m one of those people.
Day 20: Spanking Paddle
Product Info
A mini spanking paddle decorated with a pretty black and gold design in silky fabric on one side, and plain black faux leather on the other side. The paddle measures 9″ in total length.
Pros
A fairly non-scary beginner paddle that delivers a gentle sting rather than anything more painful
Pretty aesthetic
Slightly different sensations from each side
Loop handle makes it easy to hold and store
Cons
Loud noise can be problematic if you have family or roommates at home
Not particlarly robust
Verdict
This is a nice enough beginner spanking paddle. It’s gentle enough to be suitable for complete BDSM novices, though unlikely to do much for fans of more intense pain play. It might not last very long if you’re doing anything more than very gentle play with it, but it’s fine for figuring out if spanking and impact play are things you enjoy.
Day 21: Sexy Snap Position Cards
Product Info
A set of cards featuring various sex positions, plus instructions for two different games to play with them.
Pros
Quite inclusive; many of the positions will work for either vaginal or anal sex with their a bio cock or a strap-on.
Fun, playful and non-threatening way to try out new positions.
Reminds me of this scene from The Bold Type where Jane, Kat and Sutton test out one of Sage’s sex positions to “verify it’s physically possible.” I’m always happy to be reminded of my favourite show
Cons
Some of them require ridiculous core strength, upper body strength, or just indestructible furniture to pull off
Verdict
To be honest, my approach to penetrative sex has typically been “find two or three positions that work and just rotate them depending on mood and energy levels.” I imagine this is fairly normal, especially in long-term sexual relationships. If you’d like to try something new, this game will give you some inspiration. Just don’t be put off by the fact that some of these positions are not going to be physically possible for everyone.
Day 22: Under-Mattress Restraints
Product Info
A set of 4-way restraint straps which fit under your mattress and feature loops at each corner to attach cuffs and restrain your partner by all 4 limbs.
Pros
Suitable for almost all bed sizes as they are highly adjustable
Easy to tuck out of sight if necessary
Pair them with the cuffs from Day 3 and Day 15 or with any other set of cuffs you own.
Quick, safe, and non-threatening introduction to bondage
Cons
None – this is a really nice inclusion.
Verdict
I’ve been after a set of these for ages but always assumed they wouldn’t fit my giant bed. Happily, I was wrong! These are strong, easy to set up, and safe to use as long as you observe some basic safety protocol (e.g. never leaving a bound person alone and always playing with a safeword.) These might be among my favourite items in the whole kit!
Day 23: Couple’s Cock Ring
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Purple
Body safe? Yes, silicone is both non-porous and non-toxic, making it a completely body-safe sex toy material
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 3″ total length, with a 1″ “tongue” for clitoral stimulation
Lube-compatible: Yes, water-based only
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or dishwasher
Pros
Pairs with the bullet vibe from day 1 (or any other bullet in your collection)
Soft silicone
Stretchy to fit most penis sizes
Nice texturing on the clitoral stimulator
Cons
Vibrations feel very weak once transmitted through the silicone
Clitoral stimulator is too flimsy to really be satisfying
Verdict
I have long come to the conclusion that vibrating cock rings are better in theory than in practice, at least for me. This one seems well designed on the surface, and I do like that it’s designed to fit a wide range of bodies and that the clitoral stimulator portion is textured. Unfortunately, in practice, it’s too flimsy and flexible to provide any kind of pressure or sustained stimulation.
Day 24: Womanizer Liberty
Product Info
Material: ABS plastic body with silicone nozzle
Colour: Purple with white nozzle and buttons
Body safe? Yes, ABS plastic and silicone are both body-safe and non-porous
Waterproof: Yes., submersible
Size: 4″ total length
Speeds/patterns: 6 speeds
Lube-compatible: Yes, water-based lube is best with silicone toys
Cleaning: Remove the nozzle and clean with a body-safe sterile wipe, antibacterial soap and water, a 10% bleach solution, by boiling, or in the dishwasher. Wipe the body clean if necessary.
Pros
Comes with a little case, making it discreet and travel-friendly
Suitable for use in the bath or shower
Light and comfortable to hold
Easy to clean due to the removable nozzle
Feels AMAZING
Cons
A little loud at the top speeds
Verdict
I had a feeling the Womanizer Liberty might turn out to be the crowning glory of the set and I was right. Once again, Womanizer – the original purveyors of suction-based clitoral stimulators – have knocked it out of the park. This amazing little stimulator is easy to hold and use, powerful, and feels incredible. On top of all that, it’s travel-friendly and waterproof. Top marks.
See you next year!
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the 2022 Advent Calendar for Couples, which retails for £130 and contains £374.99 worth of products, to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!
I originally wrote this review of the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar for couples as 24 separate posts. However, I’ve now combined them all into one as they were becoming unweildy and clogging up my blog archives.
I’m so excited to have received the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar for couples! This treasure trove of sexy goodies comes with 24 numbered windows, each containing a sex toy, kink product, or other sexy item.
This kit is geared towards couples where one person has a penis and the other has a vulva, but many of the items are flexible and unisex. Mr C&K and I are going to be opening one door at a time for the next 24 days and sharing a mini review each day, then I’ll publish an overall review of the whole set at the end.
Day 1: Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
Let’s dive in and see what’s behind the first door of Lovehoney’s 2021 sex toy advent calendar…
Today we’re looking at Door #1, which contained a small bullet vibrator. Here’s a quick rundown of the details:
Material: ABS plastic
Colour: Shiny red with a gold Lovehoney heart insignia.
The vibe comes with a USB charging cable and you get around 60 minutes use on a full charge. It operates on a one-button interface located in the base, and offers three constant speeds and seven patterns. To switch it on, you have to hold down the button until the light flashes, then give it another quick press. Press to cycle through settings, then press and hold to turn the toy off.
Power-wise, I’m significantly more impressed than I expected to be! This toy packs a decent punch, given its small size and low price point. It sits midway along the buzz-to-rumble scale, offering strong and non-numbing vibrations though not quite hitting that deep, penetrating rumble that so many people love. It’s a little loud, so bear that in mind if you live in a shared space or need to keep the noise down.
The target market for this set is primarily people and couples without much experience of sex toys, perhaps just exploring or looking to start their collection, so I’m approaching this review series through that lens. This is a great bullet vibrator for beginners, powerful enough to hit the spot but compact, non-threatening, and easy to use.
If you enjoy penetrative sex, this bullet is small enough to slide between bodies for extra clitoral stimulation. And remember that vibes aren’t just for clits! You can also use your bullet vibrator on the labia, nipples, penis, balls, perineum, or literally any other body part that feels good. (Don’t insert it anally, though – it’s not safe for that as it doesn’t have a flared base).
Bottom line: it’s body-safe. It can get me off reliably. And it’s small and light enough to throw in my bag for a playdate or weekend away.
Day 2: Adjustable Cock Ring
Today’s sex toy advent calendar surprise is an adjustable silicone cock ring. Let’s start with some basic details.
Material: Silicone with an ABS plastic slider
Colour: Red
Body safe? Yes – silicone is body-safe and non-porous.
A quick primer for beginners: the purpose of a cock ring is to restrict blood flow out of an erect penis. Some people report that cock rings help them to keep an erection for longer, make their penis feel harder, and provide extra pleasure for the wearer by increasing sensitivity. Some people believe they also help with erectile dysfunction, though research on this is spotty.
Cock rings sometimes come with vibrations and all kinds of fun additional features, but this one is as straightforward as it gets. Just slide it on and you’re good to go.
The beauty of this simple cock ring is that it’s completely adjustable and will fit all penis sizes. Simply press the easy-to-use button on the slider, and tug on the loop end to loosen or the tail ends to tighten. It’s also stretchy, so you can put it on before you’re fully hard and it will stretch to comfortably accommodate your erection.
The silicone is comfortable enough to wear once it’s in place, but is quite “grabby” on the skin as you slide it on. Apply water-based lube to the ring and/or to your penis before you put it on.
If you’ve never worn a cock ring before, experiment with different placements. Try it around the base of your penis in front of the balls, or behind the balls for an extra squeeze. Different people have different preferences, so see what feels best for you. Using this adjustable cock ring should not hurt. If you feel pain, readjust or stop.
If you’ve never used a cock ring before, then this one is a great place to start. You can start off with a looser fit and experiment to see which placing and what level of tightness feels best. Simple but effective, plus durable and long-lasting. Similar rings retail on Lovehoney for around £9.99.
Day 3: Starry Eyed Blindfold
This sex toy advent calendar set is aimed at a pairing of one penis owner and one vulva owner (sort out the gendered language, Lovehoney, please!) But many of the items are unisex and can be enjoyed by people with all sorts of bodies.
Let’s sneak a peek behind Door #3…
Behind Door #3 is a red blindfold with little star and Lovehoney heart insignia embellishments. It’s a limited edition variation on the Lovehoney Oh! Blindfold, which has an RRP of £5.99. The aesthetic is cute and a little festive (which makes sense, given this set is a Christmas release).
The Starry Eyed Blindfold is satin on the outside and some sort of soft, fuzzy material on the inside, and has black elastic straps to hold it in place. It feels soft, plushy, and comfortable to wear. The fabric is pretty cheap and already starting to pull at the edges and some of the stitching is coming loose after a trial run, though, so I don’t expect it to last all that long.
Blindfolds are a staple of kinky play for many people. This is for a couple of reasons. First, some believe that blocking out one sense heightens the others. Second, not knowing what your partner is going to do next adds an extra layer of excitement and anticipation if you’re playing with power in some way.
This blindfold isn’t really quite big enough to block vision completely. However I position it, I can see out of the top or bottom at least a little bit. It also lets quite a lot of light in. If you want complete sensory deprivation, you’ll be disappointed (try a Mindfold or similar for that!)
But this whole set is really for beginners, so I’m trying to approach it through that lens. If you’re brand new to playing with any kind of BDSM, this blindfold is a fine low-intensity starting point to see if you enjoy sensory deprivation and want to explore it further. Want to kick things up a notch? Try adding earplugs or combining your blindfold with light bondage.
I don’t think this blindfold is going to be a bedroom staple for me. However, it does double nicely as a sleep mask, so that’s something.
Day 4: Sex Dice
Though this sex toy advent calendar set is gendered (I really wish they’d stop doing that!) and assumes a cisgender, heterosexual couple, many of the items can be used by people of all genders and body types.
So what’s behind Door #4?
Door #4 contains a pair of sex dice. The first die names a different body part on each side, and the second names various actions to do to those body parts. The idea is that you take turns to roll, then do the actions you land on.
I’ve never really got the point of the whole “sex dice” thing, personally. I can see that they maybe make sense, in a certain light, if you’re brand new to exploring each others’ bodies. I can also see these being a useful starting point for a couple who are struggling to communicate about their likes and desires, or for those who like plenty of laughs alongside their moans. But the whole system just feels too contrived and gamified to be sexy to me. I’d rather just communicate and do what feels good, personally.
But your mileage may vary! And if this seems like a useful way in (or the idea of being dommed by a pair of dice feels hot to you), then have at it.
The actual acts on these dice are fine, if a little unimaginative. They mostly involve doing different things with your mouth (lick, blow, nibble, kiss) or occasionally hands (massage) to the most common erogenous zones (penis/clitoris, nipples, inner thigh, butt, neck).
The nature of this sort of game means you do occasionally get baffling combinations or those that wouldn’t work for a lot of people. I do NOT want anyone nibbling my clitoris, thank you. Ouch! But if you get a combo that doesn’t work for you, you can always just reroll.
Perfectly fine, but not really my thing.
Door 5: Slimline Silicone Butt Plug
Despite the annoyingly gendered marketing, many of the items in this sex toy advent calendar set are suitable for folks of any gender and with any body parts. Let’s open up Door #5, shall we?
Today’s surprise is a slimline silicone butt plug. Let’s start with some quick basic details:
Material: Silicone.
Colour: Black.
Body safe? Yes – silicone is body-safe and non-porous. This also means it’s safe to share this plug with a partner as long as you sterilise it properly between uses.
Power: N/A
Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
Size: 4.5″ in total length, 1.3″ in diameter at widest point.
The gently tapered design and slim neck make this plug easy to insert and comfortable to wear, and the silicone is soft and high quality. It is middling-firm to the touch, with some flex towards the tip and plenty of flex in the neck.
The cool thing about this butt plug is that it features a sling style base, allowing you to use it in conjuction with the bullet vibrator from day 1. You’ll need to push quite firmly to get the vibe into the sleeve, but once it’s in it stays put securely. It will also pair with any slim bullet vibe you have in your collection.
The silicone transmits vibrations very effectively on all settings, allowing you to experiment with a range of anal play sensations. Whether you use the plug on its own or with the vibe, don’t forget to use tonnes of lube. I recommend a thick water-based lube designed for anal play, such as Sliquid Sassy.
This is a great butt plug for beginners or toybag staple for more experienced folks. Use it by itself for anal exploration, or leave it in while you do other things such as hand sex, oral sex, or penetrative play.
Yes, Door #5 is a winner!
Day 6: Kegel Balls
This sex toy advent calendar set assumes that couples consist of a “man and woman” (i.e. penis owner and vulva owner, because cis-centric gendered marketing is still annoyingly a thing). But in reality, many of the items are suitable for all genders and types of bodies.
So what will we find behind Door #6?
Kegel balls, also known as Ben-wa balls, are fascinating. These small balls, designed to sit inside the vagina, come with a tonne of intense claims as to their benefits, but very little robust science to back those claims up. I dived into the available literature (there isn’t much) a while back, but here’s the short version:
The claims: Kegel balls strengthen the pelvic floor, help prevent or fix urinary incontinence, improve sexual satisfaction, and make it easier to orgasm.
The reality: Eh…. maybe? Research on the incontinence thing is limited and contradictory in its findings, and there’s virtually no evidence one way or the other (beyond anecdotal) for the “improved sexual pleasure” thing.
So what’s the point of kegel balls, then? As a sexuality writer without any background in medicine or gynecology, I approach kegel balls as a sex toy rather than a health and wellness product. And from that perspective, there’s a great reason to use them: they can feel good!
With that out of the way, let’s dive into the review, shall we?
Material: Both the balls and their sling are silicone.
Colour: Red balls, black sling.
Body safe? Yes. Silicone is body-safe, hygienic, and non-porous.
Power: N/A
Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
Size: 3″ insertable with a 4″ tail. Each ball is 1.2″ in diameter.
This set consists of two kegel balls fitted into a silicone sling. The nice thing about this design is that you can use the balls on their own (together or one at a time) or with the sling. The sling features a long tail for easy retrieval.
Some people use kegel balls anally, but I really, really don’t recommend it. One of the balls could easily come loose from the sling and get stuck. These are for vaginal use only.
You can use kegel balls in a few different ways. Here are some I suggest you might want to try:
Wear them for an hour or so before you have sex to heighten arousal and get yourself in the mood.
Wear them as you go about your day for a little thrill of sexual excitement each time you move. Start with a short amount of time and build up to longer wear if you want to, and stop immediately if you feel pain or discomfort.
If you’re into anal play, wear kegel balls in your vagina while you do butt stuff for additional pleasure.
However you explore with them, use plenty of lube and always clean them thoroughly between uses. Not keeping them clean (or inserting them with dirty hands) could lead to an infection.
This is a nice enough set of beginner-friendly kegel balls. Unlike some I’ve tried, they’re not weighted and don’t have any moving parts inside, so the stimulation they provide is very gentle. This isn’t a criticism, it’s just… a thing worth bearing in mind. They’re small enough to be non-intimidating, made of a body-safe and easy-clean material, and are comfortable to insert and easy to retrieve. A worthy addition to the calendar!
Day 7: Beaded Stroker
This sex toy advent calendar set of 24 sex toys and sex-related surprises is aimed primarily at couples who are newer to sex toys, and assumes one penis owner and one vulva owner, though many of the items are usable by anyone.
So what do we have closing out week 1?
Today’s product is a beaded stroker for people with penises. Here’s a quick rundown of the details:
Material: “Soft plastic”, which I think means some kind of TPE or TPR.
Colour: Semi-translucent black.
Body safe? Dubious. Lovehoney claims this material does not contain phthalates, but it is definitely porous. I’m less leery about porous materials for external-only toys such as strokers, but it’s less than ideal. It probably won’t hurt you but it won’t stay hygienic for very long so don’t expect it to last forever.
Power: N/A
Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
Size: 5″ in total length, very stretchy.
Lube compatible: I suggest you only use water-based lube with this one.
Cleaning: Gentle soap and warm water. The porous material means this one will never get 100% clean, so don’t sterilise it and expect to replace it after a few uses.
This stroker contains two rows of small metal beads designed to stimulate the shaft of the penis as you masturbate (or give your partner a hand job). These offer a different and interesting sensation from a regular stroker or using your hand.
Don’t be fooled by the Beaded Stroker’s small opening – it’s very stretchy and flexible and will accommodate dicks of most sizes. Here it is around the large and girthy Godemiche Adam to illustrate my point:
You’ll definitely need to use plenty of lube regardless of your size. This material is quite grabby when it’s not properly lubricated, and that can cause the wrong kind of friction. If you’ve got a foreskin, be especially careful, as using a stroker without sufficient lube can cause it to pull back too far (ouch).
Speaking from the giver’s perspective, using a stroker can ease pressure on your wrist and make it easier to jerk your partner off for longer without discomfort. Win-win!
This toy seems to be a variation on Lovehoney’s BASICS Beaded Stroker, which retails for £12.99. It’s perfectly fine as an introduction to masturbators for individuals and couples who are newer to sex toys. If you enjoy using it, though, I really suggest that you invest in a silicone stroker. This will last far longer as well as being safer and more hygienic.
Day 8: Spanking Paddle
It’s the start of the second week of this sex toy advent calendar unboxing, and we’re about to open Door #8…
We’re getting a little kinky today, with Door 8 revealing a mini spanking paddle. The paddle is red and made of a satiny material on one side, adorned with starts and Lovehoney hearts to match last week’s blindfold. The other side is a leather-like material. I think this is faux rather than of animal origin, but I wouldn’t swear to that. It measures 9″ in total length, not including the black ribbon loop, and 2″ across at the widest point. Its main body is firm with a very small amount of flex.
This paddle’s bark is worse than its bite, so to speak. It makes an impressively loud slapping noise (something to be aware of if you have family or roommates at home!) but the sensation it delivers is pretty gentle. The satin side offers a gentler sensation (great for sensation play, if pain isn’t your thing) and the leather side is slightly more bitey.
I say the above with the awareness that pain is entirely subjective and everyone’s experience is different. I enjoy pain sometimes, but I’m not a hardcore masochist by any stretch. The best way to figure out how painful something is for you or your partner is to start out with a few light swats and then build up to your desired level from there. If you want a gentle tickle without any real “ouch” behind it, this paddle can offer that. If you want a more intense sting, you’ll have to put some power behind it or switch to a harder paddle.
As a spanking paddle for complete BDSM beginners and people who prefer the less ouchy kind of kink, it’s fine. I’m not convinced it will last very long in good condition or stand up to any kind of hard play, but it’s also cute, non-threatening, and safe to use as long as you communicate and exercise a little common sense.
Day 9: Vanilla Scented Candle
Behind Door #9 of Lovehoney’s 2021 sex toy advent calendar is a vanilla scented candle designed to set the mood for a romantic evening and fill your room with a lovely vanilla fragrance. The scent is pretty strong, so you might want to skip this one if you have any kind of fragrance sensitivity. Assuming you like the smell of vanilla, it’s pleasant enough and not too “artificial” smelling.
Is this candle safe for wax play?
Being the kinky fucker that I am, my thought when I see a candle in a sex-related context is less “romantic mood lighting” and more “drip it on my skin!” So is this candle suitable for wax play (a BDSM activity involving dripping melted candle wax on your partner or yourself)?
Short answer: I can’t see any reason why not.
This candle contains just two ingredients: soy wax and vanilla bean fragrance. Soy wax is very popular for wax play because it has a fairly low melting point – typically 120-160°F (49-71°C) – and cools quickly on contact with the skin. Additives such as fragrances and colourants can impact the melting point significantly so if you want to experiment with wax play, it’s safest to buy bondage candles rather than just using anything you have lying around at home.
I tried out this candle on my arm to assess its wax play potential. Dropped from a height of about 8 inches, the wax was just slightly warm when it hit my skin and cooled in a flash. Obviously, the lower the height, the warmer the wax will be. But from a temperature perspective, this candle seems pretty safe. Assuming you’re not allergic or sensitive to soy and fragrances, you should be fine.
Actually, the biggest issue with this candle from a wax play perspective is that the tin gets warm when it’s been lit for a while. So if you want to use it for that, I suggest you do so as quickly after lighting it as possible.
Be aware that soy wax can be a little sticky, so leave time for clean up. Also, the scent clings to skin quite strongly! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and sniff my currently vanilla-scented arm some more…
Day 10: Jewelled Butt Plug
Today’s sex toy advent calendar door contains the second anal toy in this collection so far: a metal jewelled butt plug.
Material: “Metal” (unspecified, likely an alloy of some description.)
Colour: Gold body with a red gem base.
Body safe? Likely yes. Metal toys are non-porous and broadly non-toxic. Many metal alloy toys contain nickel, though, so avoid it if you’re allergic or sensitive.
Power: N/A
Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
Size: 3″ in total length, 1.1″ in diameter at widest point.
Lube compatible: Yes, water-based, oil-based, or silicone-based lubes are all fine.
Cleaning: A body-safe medical wipe or a 10% bleach solution. I wouldn’t boil it as this might damage the glue holding the gem in place.
This plug is surprisingly light for a metal piece, so don’t go in expecting the heft and weight of a stainless steel toy. Its classic butt plug shape with tapered tip makes it easy to insert and comfortable to wear, while the narrow neck and broad base hold it safely and securely in place. You might find that the base digs into your butt cheeks after a while, so this probably isn’t a plug for all-day wear.
The bright red gem in the base is super pretty if you (like me) enjoy sparkly things. The red and gold colour scheme matches the rest of the set’s aesthetic and is pleasingly seasonal.
Hot (or cold) tip: experiment with temperature by popping your plug in the fridge for a few minutes or running it under warm water before use. Just remember that for anal play, tonnes of lube is essential.
A cute and playful plug for beginners to anal play or anyone who enjoys smaller yet rigid butt toys.
Day 11: Mini G-Spot Vibrator
This is the first vibrating toy in this sex toy advent calendar since Day 1’s bullet vibrator. Exciting! Let’s start with a few basic stats:
Material: ABS plastic
Colour: Black.
Body safe? Yes. ABS plastic is non-porous and non-toxic.
This plastic G-spot vibrator features a straight handle and curved, gently tapered tip for precision stimulation. If you prefer girthy toys or very deep stimulation, it won’t do much for you, but for basic vibrating G-spot action it’s perfectly serviceable.
I don’t love that it requires adisposable battery, partly for environmental reasons (rechargeable toys are so much more eco-friendly) and partly because having to hunt around for batteries before a masturbation sesh is super annoying. But to be fair, if anyone reads the small print on the advent calendar’s box, it does warn you that you’ll need a battery for one of the items. Inserting and changing the battery is easy. Simply unscrew the top and bottom halves of the toy, pop your battery in, and screw it back up again.
The controls are a simple twist mechanism. Turn until the little arrow on the side points to “on” or “off”. This vibe has only one speed. It’s actually reasonable, power-wise, for a one-AA-battery basic vibe, though much buzzier than I prefer. Volume-wise, it’s not too bad, though it does make a slight “rattly” noise when I press it hard against my body.
If, like me, you find that internal vibrations don’t do much for you, this G-spot vibrator also works well as a clitoral toy. Use the side of the shaft for broad stimulation and the tip for more precision. Of course, it’s also good for penises, balls, and anywhere else where vibrations feel good. (Not butts, though – this toy is not anal safe).
Day 12: Penis Stroker
Behind Door #12 of Lovehoney’s sex toy advent calendar is a stroker for people with penises. (It’s called a “male stroker” on the box. Lovehoney, I love you but please sort out the unnecessarily gendered language for next year!)
Material: Some kind of soft plastic, most likely TPE/TRP.
Colour: White.
Body safe? Kinda. The box indicates these strokers do not contain any phthalates, but the material is super porous. They’re safe enough for external use but won’t last very long.
Power: N/A
Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
Size: 2.5″ in length but SUPER stretchy.
Lube compatible:Water-based only, according to the instructions.
Cleaning: Gentle soap and warm water. This material is porous so you won’t be able to get it fully clean. Consider it fluid-bonded to the person who uses it. I’d also suggest you throw it out after a few uses or if the material starts to degrade.
This specific product doesn’t seem to be available by itself, but it is very similar to the strokers you get in Tenga Eggs. It is textured inside and designed to fit over the head of the penis and then stretch as you masturbate your (or your partner’s) penis.
It’s very stretchy and pretty strong, so it will accommodate a wide range of sizes and you don’t need to worry about ripping it. It comes pre-lubricated, but adding extra water-based lube will only make your experience more enjoyable.
How does it feel? Let’s just say I got a very good response from an initially-sceptical Mr C&K. If you usually masturbate with your hand, strokers can be a brilliant way to change things up and add a new sensation. And if you enjoy hand sex with a partner, a textured penis stroker can turn a good hand job into an amazing hand job.
If you get this kit and enjoy using this stroker, I’d suggest swapping out to a more durable (preferably silicone) one when you can. Failing that, Tenga Eggs are pretty affordable at £9.99 so you can just replace them frequently.
Day 13: Wrist Restraints
We’re over half way now! It’s Day 13 of the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar, which I’m unboxing and reviewing day by day.
Behind Door #13, we have a set of black ribbon wrist restraints. They seem to be a slight variation on the Lovehoney Oh! Silky Bondage Restraints (RRP £8.99).
They’re… glorified ribbons, honestly. Each one has a little loop at each end to make restraint easier and is decorated with a red and gold Lovehoney heart, but other than that they’re just black ribbons of the sort you’d find in any craft store.
Tying people up with silky items like ribbons, ties, and scarves is a divisive subject amongst kinksters. Some say it’s fine, but many educators believe it’s dangerous. This is because these materials can easily tighten when pressure is applied, making them harder to untie if you’re using knots or even cutting off circulation if they’re left on for long enough.
If you want to use these restraints for a light BDSM or roleplay activity like tying your partner to the bed, that’s probably fine if you follow some basic safety protocols:
Tie them loosely. You should always be able to get at least two fingers between the ribbon and the skin.
Don’t use them for any kind of weight-bearing activity (the bound person shouldn’t pull hard against them, either).
Keep a pair of safety shears to hand in case you need to cut them off.
Never, ever leave a bound person alone. No, not even for a minute.
Honestly, though, if restraint is your thing just get some proper cuffs or some bondage rope and learn how to use it safely (via online tutorials, books, peer rope sessions, or classes with reputable teachers).
This one’s a miss for me. Packaging up lightly branded basic ribbons as “bondage restraints” (and dubiously safe ones at that) just doesn’t sit right with me.
Day 14: Adjustable Nipple Clamps
We’ve reached the end of the second week! After today, there are only ten days left to go of Lovehoney’s sex toy advent calendar 2021.
Behind Door #14 we have a set of nipple clamps. This set is a limited edition colourway version of the Lovehoney Tease Me Adjustable Nipple Clamps (RRP £12.99). They are gold in colour with red silicone tips, and finished with little charms shaped like the Lovehoney heart insignia.
My first reaction on opening this window was “oooh, they’re cute!” And they are. The red and gold is a pretty colour combination of the sort that I can see myself wearing to a very adult Christmas party! But how functional are they?
These clamps are easy to put on and take off. Simply move the slider down to open them up, pop them into position, and move the slider up again to secure them in place.
The point of adjustable nipple clamps is to fit a wide range of nipple sizes (and offer variable pressure levels). But these really won’t work for anyone with large nipples. My nipples are on the smaller side, considering that I have G-cup boobs, and I still had to open the clamps all the way to get them on.
They stayed on reasonably well when I was just moving around normally, but they pop off with the slightest tug. So if you like the idea of your partner pulling on them during sex, look elsewhere.
As far as how they feel, these clamps are going to be very, very gentle for the vast majority of wearers. And that might be exactly what you want! Wearing clamps purely for decoration or a very slight squeezing sensation is totally valid. But if you’re looking for a more intense pinch or for that rush of delicious pain when the clamps come off, these are likely to disappoint.
The quality also isn’t great. I’ve tried these clamps just a couple of times and already, some of the gold-coloured plating is starting to come off.
Cute, yes. But they’re not especially functional and they won’t last very long. They’re fine for a night or two of wear in the bedroom or out at the club. But if you’re looking for something more intense or durable, you might want to consider tweezer clamps or clover clamps instead.
Day 15: Silicone Anal Beads
Here we are in the third week of the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar. There have been a few hits, a few misses, and a few in-betweens so far.
Behind Door #15, we have a set of silicone anal beads.
Material: Silicone.
Colour: Black.
Body safe? Yes. Silicone is hygienic (essential for anal toys in particular), non-toxic, and non-porous.
Power: No inbuilt power but it pairs with a bullet vibrator (see more further down).
Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
Size: 6″ in total length, 5″ insertable. Beads range in diameter from 0.9″ to 1.2″.
Cleaning: Sterilise with a 10% bleach solution or by boiling.
I’m impressed with today’s offering. These anal beads are made of soft and silky matte silicone and are well-designed to make for easy and comfortable insertion, even for complete beginners. Remember to always use tonnes of lube for anal play and if anything hurts, stop immediately. Anal can feel intense, but it is not supposed to hurt.
You can use these beads on their own, or pair them with the bullet vibrator behind Door #1 (or any small bullet in your collection – it pairs particularly well with the We-Vibe Tango!) The silicone transmits vibrations well along the length of the beads and into the tip, even on lower settings.
Anal beads are versatile. They can form the main event of a play session, or you can wear them during sex or masturbation for added stimulation. Some people swear by pulling them out at the point of climax, claiming that this increases orgasmic contractions and increases pleasure. Your mileage may vary but if that sounds fun to you, why not give it a go?
Day 16: Menthol Pleasure Balm
With only 9 days of the Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar to go, I feel like we’re into the home stretch now.
Behind Door #16 is a small tin of Lovehoney’s menthol “pleasure balm”. The idea is that when you apply a small amount to external erogenous zones, such as the clitoris or nipples, it increases sensitivity to enhance your pleasure. It’s very similar to the Bliss Orgasm Balm I reviewed last year.
Lovehoney’s pleasure balm is made of primarily plant-derived ingredients including sweet almond oil, grape seed oil, shea butter, cocoa, avocado oil, and wheat extract. It does also contain beeswax, so you might want to avoid this one if you’re vegan. I’m not a scientist by any stretch, but I can’t see anything alarming from a health or safety perspective in the ingredients list as long as you don’t have any allergies or sensitivities to any of the ingredients.
Everyone will react differently to things like this. It works really well for me! The cool, tingly sensation is quite intense and it definitely makes my clitoral orgasms both easier to reach and more explosive. It’s not a magic cure-all for orgasm difficulties, of course. But if a little extra sensitivity helps you, then this could be just the thing. And of course, even if you don’t struggle to orgasm, it can always be fun to play with new and different sensations!
You only get 7g in the tin, but a little goes a long way with this stuff. I really only needed a small dab to get the full effects. It also lasts well, so constant reapplication isn’t necessary.
The pleasure balm has a white creamy consistency that melts to an oily liquid when you rub it between your fingers or massage it into your skin. It has a distinctive but pleasant minty smell. Be aware that if you’re using it during oral sex, you’ll definitely be able to taste it. It’s for external use only, so don’t use it inside your vagina or butt.
My biggest complaint? The little tin is really hard to open! I’ve found that squeezing it between my palms and then twisting is the best way. But struggling to open a tin without interrupting the flow of your sex or masturbation session is a pain.
Otherwise? Love this stuff. I’ll definitely be buying more when this little tin runs out.
Day 17: Rabbit Cock Ring
Today’s offering in Lovehoney’s 2021 sex toy advent calendar is a rabbit cock ring. It can be used alone, but to get the most out of it you’ll want to pair it with the bullet vibe found in Door #1 or any other bullet vibe in your collection. The ring sits around the penis, restricting blood flow out of the wearer’s erection, while the rabbit ears tickle the receptive partner’s clitoris. It looks a little something like this:
Here are the basic facts and stats:
Material: Silicone.
Colour: Black.
Body safe? Yes. Silicone is non-porous, hygienic, and body-safe.
Power: No inbuilt power, use with any bullet vibe.
Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
Size: 3.5″ in total length. Ears measure 1″. Diameter of opening is 1.5″ without stretching.
I really like this cock ring. It is stretchy enough to fit the vast majority of penis sizes, but strong enough to provide a pleasurable squeeze and stay securely in place.
The rabbit ears really make this one for me. The silicone transmits vibrations well, and the fluttering from the ears feels amazing against my clit.
I’ll be honest: I rarely orgasm from using this kind of toy during penetrative sex. That’s because, once you add any kind of thrusting into the mix, the clitoral stimulation is too eratic and inconsistent to get me off. But that doesn’t mean the extra sensation isn’t very welcome.
I can honestly see myself using this ring separately for clitoral masturbation as well as for partnered sex. Those ears are just that good, especially when paired with a high powered bullet like the Blush Nocturnal (pictured here):
If you’re a penis owner, you could also use this ring for masturbation either by itself or with a bullet. Try turning the ears around so they tickle your balls, if that sounds hot to you.
A versatile toy that is a great addition to this kit.
Day 18: Pom Pom Tickler
We’re less than a week from the end of this sex toy advent calendar adventure now!
Door #18 contains what Lovehoney are calling a “pom pom tickler”. It’s essentially a red pom pom in some kind of soft and fluffy material attached to a black velcro ring.
Sensation play can be a lot of fun either as part of sex or as an activity in and of itself. Try running the tickler along sensitive places, from your partner’s sides to their inner thighs or even the soles of their feet. This pom pom tickler is soft enough that you can even use it on places like faces and genitals.
Sensation play can be intense. Even though it doesn’t usually involve pain, it is a form of kink. And tickling can be a hyper-intense activity or even a hard limit for some people. So check in regularly with your partner and make sure you have their active, ongoing consent.
Optionally, you might want to consider combining sensation play with restraints (proper rope or cuffs, not those horrible “wrist restraint” ribbons from Day 13!)
My only concern with the pom pom tickler is I’m not really sure how easy it is to clean. You might be able to wash it in some warm water and then let it dry thoroughly, but you’re never going to get it completely sterile again. So if you get any kind of bodily fluids on it, I recommend considering it fluid bonded to that person.
Day 19: Vanilla Massage Oil
Door #19 of Lovehoney’s sex toy advent calendar 2021 contains a bottle of vanilla-scented massage oil. This simple formula contains just four ingredients:
Ethylhexyl palmite, a common skincare ingredient that functions as an emollient, solvent, and fragrance fixative, according to The Derm Review.
Caprylic/capric triglyceride, which is derived from coconut oil and glycerine according to The Soap Kitchen and is widely recognised as safe for topical use.
Isopropyl myristate, a thickening agent or moisturiser commonly found in cosmetics. Reports suggest it can cause skin irritation in a minority of people (usually those with existing skin conditions) but is widely considered safe for cosmetic use.
Parfum, a mysterious concoction of synthetic fragrances designed to make the product smell good. Many people recommend avoiding products with this “ingredient” (actually potentially a mix of ingredients) as we don’t know exactly what’s in it. I can’t tell you whether to avoid these products or not. I generally use them without too much concern and have never had a problem, but your mileage (and tolerance for long-term risk) may vary.
You get 30ml in this little bottle of vanilla massage oil. You only need a few drops to get decent skin coverage, but it does dry out quite quickly once you start massaging. You’ll get maybe 3-4 massages out of this bottle, depending on how generously you want to apply it.
The scent is very strong and distinctively vanilla. It’s a little artificial, but not unpleasant. Be aware that the scent really lingers on your skin so unless you’re going to take a shower straight after, you might smell of vanilla for the rest of the day.
By the way: make sure the lid is on properly when you’re done! Ask me why there’s massage oil all over my desk…
Massages can be a fun precursor to sex, a form of aftercare, or even a way to connect physically and intimately with your partner without involving your genitals. A nice scented massage oil can add a little extra sense of indulgence to the experience.
If you like this massage oil, you can get a bottle of Lovehoney’s Oh! Vanilla Massage Oil for £5.99 when this one runs out. The Oh! oil seems to contain more natural ingredients and nothing mysterious like the above-mentioned “parfum”.
Day 20: G-Spot Dildo
We’re down to the last few days!
Behind today’s sex toy advent calendar door is a mini G-spot dildo. I’ll start, as usual, with a rundown of the basic stats:
Material: Silicone.
Colour: Black.
Body safe? Yes. Silicone is body-safe and non-porous.
Power: No motor, but pairs with a bullet vibe if you wish.
Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
Size: 5.5″ total length, 5″ insertable, 1.2″ in diameter at the widest point.
This dildo has a hole in the base where you can insert a bullet vibe. This means it is very flexible to about halfway up the shaft, after which the silicone becomes firmer.
You can use your G-spot dildo with the bullet that came in Door #1, or any suitably sized bullet vibe in your collection. I found it worked well with the Blush Nocturnal or We-Vibe Tango X!
I also teamed it with the rabbit cock ring from a few days ago, just for fun!
The very gentle curve and bulbed head offer comfortable insertion and G-spot targeting. Though this toy is billed as a G-spot dildo, you could also use it as an anal dildo. The flared base makes it safe and, if you have a prostate, the curved tip is ideal for prostate stimulation.
Size lovers may not find this dildo large enough to satisfy. But if you’re new to insertable toys, want something you can use for warm-up, or just prefer smaller or slimmer toys, you can’t go wrong with this one.
Day 21: Massager
The 21st door of Lovehoney’s 2021 sex toy advent calendar contains a star-shaped plastic massager, presumably designed to be used with the massage oil from two days ago (the ordering here is a little weird. I’d have put them on consecutive days, but okay). It’s red with silver glitter, tying in with the festive theme of this whole set.
The massager measures 6″ across from point to opposite point, and each arm is around 2″ in length. It’s very light, and the shape makes it easy and comfortable to hold. If you enjoy giving massages but find that your hands or wrists get tired, a massager like this can help. You can use all five points at once for an all-over massage, or tilt it and use one end to focus on a smaller area.
This one is a surprising winner for me. It’s sitting on my desk at the moment and I’ve found myself reaching for it to get the knots out of my temperamental neck and shoulders and relieve my I-spend-too-long-sitting-at-a-computer upper back pain. The rigidity allows you to get deeply into those sore muscles. With this thing, I can get the kind of deep tissue massage that is sort of painful but in a really good way.
Exchanging massages can be a lovely way to connect physically with your partner, whether or not they lead to sex. Massage can also be a great way to show love to someone whose love language is physical touch.
Day 22: Penis Sleeve
With only three days to go, we’re definitely into the home stretch of this sex toy advent calendar adventure now! So what’s behind Door #22?
I’ve had a wide range of feelings about the items in this advent calendar, ranging from very positive to “ugh, seriously?” But today is the first one that has genuinely, seriously annoyed me! Let’s take a look at this stretchy penis sleeve and find out why I’m going “aaaaahhhhhh no!”
Material: A jelly-like “soft plastic”, possibly TPE.
Colour: Clear.
Body safe? No. More on why below.
Power: N/A.
Waterproof: Yes, submersible.
Size: 4″ total length, very stretchy.
Lube compatible: Should work with any kind of lube.
Cleaning: You really can’t clean this material. Gentle soap and warm water will clean surface dirt but since it’s porous, it’ll never be entirely clean again.
The basic idea of a penis sleeve like this is that you stretch it over your penis before penetrative sex. The bumps and nodules supposedly offer additional stimulation to the receptive partner, while helping the wearer to “last longer”, presumably by reducing the sensations they can feel.
Setting aside all the problems with the ubiquitous idea that a penis owner’s job is to “last” as long as possible during sex, the premise of this toy pisses me off. Sure, wearing a penis sleeve might mean you don’t come as quickly (or at all, until you take it off). Why? Because you can’t fucking feel anything!
I also seriously question how much these little jelly bumps and ridges are going to do for the person being penetrated. They’re not really pronounced enough to have the effect of, say, a highly textured dildo. I suspect the effect, for most people, will be little more than that of one of those “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms (i.e. basically nothing.)
Then we get into the safety issue. The website and packaging insists this penis sleeve doesn’t contain phthalates, so let’s take that at face value. But phthalates aren’t the only reason to be wary of jelly-like, “soft plastic” and TPE/TPR sex toys. According to toxic toy expert Dangerous Lilly, these materials are often softened with mineral oils and can contain other harmful chemicals besides phthalates. The material is also unstable and will begin to break down after a few months. (That myth about silicone toys melting together in storage? They won’t, but these mystery soft plastic toys likely will!)
Feat. the Godemiche Ambit in a limited-edition Valentine’s Day design
This material is also extremely porous. I have mixed feelings about porous materials for external toys (TL;dr: probably okay for a few uses, but replace them often) but I NEVER recommend using them internally. Just from handling this penis sleeve, taking photos, and leaving it out on my desk overnight, it’s started to dull and get cloudy with lint, house dust, and the oils from my skin. You will NEVER get this thing clean, and it will harbour bacteria that could potentially give you a nasty infection. If you absolutely must use it for sex, please use it once and then throw it in the trash where it belongs.
Bottom line: I actually can’t tell you how it feels, because my partner and I both refuse to put this contraption anywhere near our genitals. Steer clear. I cannot stress enough how much I hate it. The fact that it’s included in a set that is fundamentally marketed at beginners, who may not know any better (because we don’t exactly get taught about toy safety in sex education), just makes it worse.
Day 23: Sex Position Cards
It’s the penultimate day of my foray into the Lovehoney’s “Best Sex of Your Life” sex toy advent calendar. After yesterday’s “aaaaahhhhh”-inducing offering, I was hoping that Day 23 might show a little more promise. Let’s open it up and find out.
Door #23 contains a set of sex position cards. There are 26 cards in total, with positions ranked “easy”, “medium”, or “difficult”. I think those rankings might be largely subjective, as all our bodies have their own strengths and weaknesses. But okay, I’ll run with it.
The deck begins with a card offering some safety tips. They’re pretty 101-level, which makes sense since this set is really aimed at beginners, but they’re solid: never leave a bound person alone, don’t tie someone too tightly, stop if something hurts, use a safeword, agree boundaries before you play. Cool. That’s basically the Safety & Consent 101 I’d want to give a complete beginner.
Each position has a name, many of which are punny or otherwise amusing. (The Thigh’s The Limit, Clitar Hero, and Deep G Diving are a few highlights). Each card contains a picture of how to do the position, and a short description of why it’s fun or how to make it hotter. You also get a handy list of which types of stimulation the position is best for (clitoral, G-spot, penis, balls, etc.) and suggested toys or implements to use.
I have not, of course, tried every single position on these cards. Some of them are fairly basic positions with quirky names (“The Elevator” is just someone on their knees giving their partner oral sex) while others are somewhere between “why?” and “likely to be physiologically impossible unless one of you is a size four and the other is a gym-bunny.” But for gaining ideas and inspiration, they’re perfectly fine.
For some reason, I’m now thinking about this scene from The Bold Type where Jane, Kat and Sutton test out one of Sage’s sex positions to “verify it’s physically possible.”
Day 24: Womanizer Classic
We’ve made it!
If you were expecting something big and exciting for Day 24, Lovehoney did not disappoint! Behind Door #24 of this sex toy advent calendar is a Womanizer Classic, one of the newer additions to the famed Womanizer line of clitoral stimulators. Let’s start with the basic rundown:
Material: ABS plastic body, silicone nozzle.
Colour: Pink body, white nozzle.
Body safe? Yes, completely. ABS plastic and silicone are both 100% body-friendly and non-porous.
Power: Rechargeable via the included magnetic cable.
Waterproof: Yes, submersible. Suction toys offer a very different sensation underwater, so it’s worth trying to see if it works for you.
Size: The body is 6″ in total length. The nozzle opening is 0.7″.
Cleaning: Wipe the body clean with a sterile wipe. Clean the removable nozzle by boiling it or popping it into a 10% bleach solution.
The Womanizer Classic is shaped very similarly to the Womanizer Premium, which you may recall I adored. The Classic model has slightly fewer features (none of the fancy Smart Silence or Auto Pilot stuff, and only 8 speeds instead of 12). But otherwise, it’s broadly much the same.
Most importantly, it delivers those slow-build, leg-shakingly intense orgasms I’ve come to expect from Womanizer toys.
These toys all use patented “Pleasure Air” technology. The nozzle surrounds your clit and delivers stimulation through rapid air pulses. Sound too gentle? It’s not. It’s amazing.
The Womanizer Classic has three intuitively placed buttons: an on/off, and buttons to turn the speed up or down. They’re easy to press, and they’re different sizes so you can feel for the right one without needing to break your flow to look.
The only thing to be aware of is that it’s pretty loud at the higher settings. It gets a little quieter when the nozzle has a proper seal against your body, but it’s still got a distinctive sound. I don’t really care about discretion (“Goodnight, honey, I’m going to go masturbate” is a commonly used sentence in my house!) but your mileage may vary.
One thing to be aware of as a beginner, is that suction sex toys do take a little getting used to. The sensations are quite different to a traditional vibrating toy, and it can take practice to figure out how it works best for you. So if you don’t get on with it the first time, I recommend giving it a few chances before you discount it.
Lovehoney “Best Sex of Your Life” Sex Toy Advent Calendar: Conclusion & Final Thoughts
We made it! I reviewed every single item in the Lovehoney Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar over the last 24 days. Before I call it a wrap on this project, I wanted to provide a final review where I share my thoughts on the set as a whole.
Image: Lovehoney
Who is the Target Market?
The Best Sex of Your Life advent calendar is aimed at couples, and specifically assumes a cisgender, heterosexual couple. I’m not a fan of gendered language or assumptions in sex toy marketing, since body parts don’t have inherent genders and products certainly don’t.
In the future, I’d like to see these calendars marketed according to what body parts they work with, rather than gendering things, which can be alienating for trans and non-binary people. I’d also like to see versions available for couples made up of two vulva-owners or two penis-owners.
Gendering aside, this set is very clearly designed to provide sex toys for beginners. Many of the items are super basic, which is mostly fine for its intended purpose.
This set is aimed at people who are new to exploring sex toys and different ways to connect intimately, so offering lots of different options and ideas is a great thing.
Best and Worst Of
The quality of the items in this set is wildly variable. There are a few things that are genuinely great quality and will probably last many years, like the silicone toys. A few that are fine for a use or two, but won’t last long, like the strokers. Some that are fine for complete beginners but “meh” for anyone with an iota of experience, like the kink gear. And the odd one that made me go “aaaaaahhhhh, no!”
So here’s my best and worst of roundup:
Best item: This is easy – definitely the Womanizer Classic from Day #24, a genuinely excellent clitoral suction toy that retails for £119.99 by itself.
Honourable mention: The bullet vibe from Day #1. Reasonable power, versatile (it pairs well with many of the other items in this set), and rechargeable.
Worst item: That damn penis sleeve from Day #22. Unsafe, unsanitary, and just overall not something I would ever recommend anyone puts near their genitals.
Honourable mention: The wrist ties from Day #13. Not only are they glorified basic satin ribbons, they also work in a way that is very dubiously safe for any but the lightest bondage.
So Is It Worth It?
Whether or not this kit is worth the money very much depends on what you want to get out of it. If you’re an experienced player looking to expand your sex toy collection, skip it and get one or two really good quality toys instead (might I suggest a Doxy or a We-Vibe Tango?)
If you and your partner are brand new to toys and looking to explore some basic things together, you might get a lot out of this set. Despite the variable quality, it offers possibilities and a kind of permission to try things out. And if something doesn’t work for you? No big deal, there are 23 other things to try.
If you’re specifically after a Womanizer Classic and think you might enjoy a few of the other items too, the Best Sex of Your Life set is a no-brainer. The Womanizer costs literally the same as this entire set, so you might as well snag a bargain.
You do get £370+ worth of products for £120 (and can get a further 10% off with my code “AFF-COFFKINK10”). So if you think there are at least a few things you’ll enjoy, it’s a good deal.
Thanks to Lovehoney for sending us the Best Sex of Your Life couples’ sex toy advent calendar to review. All views are our own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping through them helps to keep the site going!
You absolutely don’t have to like pain to do BDSM. There are plenty of kinky things you can do that don’t involve pain play at all! I don’t have a particularly high pain threshold, but I do like a little bit of ouch with my kink.
Just for fun, I wanted to share a few reasons why.
I like a challenge
Not always, but sometimes I enjoy being pushed close to my limit with pain play. I enjoy the challenge and the sense of accomplishment.
It’s a bit like pushing yourself through the last half-mile of a particularly intense run, only a lot more fun. (I fucking hate running. Pain play scenes are my answer to marathons!)
I like taking pain for someone else
Ultimately, my sexual partners only hurt me in bed because I want them to. (Otherwise, that would be abuse!) But I also enjoy the feeling of taking something to please a dominant partner. That fulfills my service submissive side.
It gets me out of my head
One of the reasons I like sex in general and kink more specifically is because it pulls me out of my head. As a writer, an anxious person, and an overthinker, I am very in my head much of the time. Just the right level of sexy pain can quiet down all the noise in my brain and it’s fucking blissful.
It gets me into a submissive headspace
Physical sensations can help us get into a particular mental zone, and pain inflicted by a dominant partner is one of the best ways to get me into a submissive headspace.
I think this is connected to the above point about getting out of my head. It makes my mind go quiet and helps me tap into feelings of submission and vulnerability.
I literally don’t know, I just do
Sometimes kinks just are what they are. There isn’t always a strong reason I can identify why I like a particular sensation. It just… feels good, gets me wet, and gets me off.
And sometimes that’s enough!
If you’re into pain play, do these reasons speak to you? If not, what questions do you have about the combination of pain and pleasure?
I wrote this piece as part of Quote Quest, a weekly meme by Little Switch Bitch. Click the button to see who else was inspired by this week’s quote! And if today’s piece resonated with you, you can always buy me a coffee to say thanks!
Ms. Grey is becoming a C&K regular at this point, and I couldn’t be happier about it. She always pitches me great ideas and writes fantastic, thought provoking pieces it’s a privilege to publish. Today, she’s here talking kink and why it’s not all whips and chains!
Amy x
Not All Whips and Chains by Violet Grey
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!“
This classic line from Rihanna’s hit song, S&M, encompasses a general flavour of sadomasochism. It’s a common perception that BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism) involve some form of pain or impact play.
What comes to mind when you think of BDSM? Is it tying people up? Spanking? Paddles? Whips? Giving control to someone else, or being the one in control?
All these kinks, and many more, are surprisingly common. But “kinky” esn’t mean the same to everyone – it depends on the person. In everyday life, as we’ve seen with books and films like Fifty Shades of Grey, BDSM is often misunderstood if not completely misrepresented.
Two of the most common misconceptions are:
BDSM, fundamentally, is abusive.
As I heard one person say, “It’s just all hitting each other, isn’t it?”
Firstly, BDSM is not abusive as long as it’s done between consenting adults, limits and boundaries are respected, and they are playing safely and responsibly. While there are individuals who can and do use BDSM as a guise to abuse others, they are not representative of the majority of kinksters. Most of us just want to have good, safe fun. That being said, it is important to vet any potential partners properly and call out abuse when you see it in the community.
Secondly, no, BDSM is not “just hitting each other”. Any knowledgeable and safe sadomasochist will tell you that. If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this piece, it’s this: kink doesn’t have to be about pain.
Kink without pain!?
This can be quite a shocking revelation to some folks, especially if all they’ve seen of BDSM is someone having a whip cracked against their arse. My first introductions to BDSM were through very two-dimensional Femdom scenes in crime dramas, usually involving heavy bondage and whips. Male submissives were often ridiculed, and sometimes BDSM as a whole was the butt of a joke.
So when I was first exploring my kinks, it came as a surprise to learn that you can still be really kinky and not incorporate sadomasochism. I’ll be candid here: I’m no pain slut by any means. While I enjoy erotic spankings and rough sex as much as the next person, if you bring a tawse or thick cane near me, I’m running for the hills!
So how can you navigate getting kinky without pain or impact play? It’s simple: the same as you usually do. Through negotiation and consent, safety protocols and risk assessment. You have your boundaries, and they can and should be respected.
Painless kink? Let me count the ways!
So what kind of kinks can you have that aren’t necessarily about whips and chains and pain? Oh, so many!
From someone whose kinks are mostly not pain-related, so to speak, let me list some of mine for you:
Praise kink – A praise kink is where someone feels aroused or enjoys other positive feelings from being praised by a partner in a scene or during sex. A common example is “good girl/good boy”. Basically, if you call me a “good girl” I’m putty in your hands!
Dominance and submission (D/s) – This dynamic forms the foundation for many BDSM and kink arrangements or fantasies. D/s play can incorporate pain and impact play if you want, but it doesn’t have to. Something as simple as doing the dishes or cuddling can be made kinky when you add a D/s twist.
Blindfolds – Pretty self explanatory. Blindfolds can be made of soft material, like a scarf, satin mask, etc., or tougher materials like leather. My go-to blindfold is my silk sleep mask.
Light bondage – Light bondage can involve something as simple as a scarf, or you can use cuffs or basic Shibari (Japanese rope bonage) ties. As well as the super-hot element of restraining someone, many people find bondage relaxing. However, bondage – even light bondage – carries a risk factor. Always play safely and responsibly.
Sensual domination – Sensual domination is my kinky happy place. I love it. This is domination that focuses on delighting the senses, rather than giving pain. It is domination that focuses solely on pleasure, and can involve implements like feathers, satin, bondage rope, massage oils, and candles to set the mood. It can even involve all of the above (which for me, it does!) Sensual domination can often be seen as a gateway for people experimenting or getting started in BDSM, but it’s a valid activity in itself that many experienced kinksters enjoy.
Though sometimes I crave the rough stuff, which I also adore, sensual or “soft” kink (as it’s sometimes called) is where I feel most in my element.
On that note…
No shame in soft kink
Some of the more “hardcore” kinks are so-called due to carrying a great deal of risk. Needle and knife play, for instance, are by no means activities for beginners and require deal of studying, safety, and risk awareness to master.
I’ve seen less “extreme” kinks, or those not involving pain, described as “diet kink.” Some even go as far as to kink-shame people for “not being kinky enough”. Obviously this is not ok. It’s easy, when looking into BDSM, to internalise “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts”. I should like hard spankings and floggers, or I should be able to do 24/7 Total Power Exchange if I want to be “really kinky”.
But the truth is, if you’ve got a kink, even if it’s just one? Congratulations! You’re kinky!
No two people are exactly the same. It can be easy to internalise (guilty as charged) feeling like you have to fit into a kinky box – and, of course, feeling you have to be into pain. For all the reasons I’ve discussed here, you don’t have to be and if you’re not, that’s ok. Your kinks are entirely unique to you.
So go forth, experiment, and have fun! And as always, play safely and responsibly!
Violet Grey describes herself as “your 20-something lady who loves to write. I write erotic fiction, along with real-life sex stories, thoughts on sexuality, kink, BDSM, and generally whatever else is on my mind.” Check out her blog and give her a follow on Twitter!
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It’s no secret to my readers that I love small, independent, women-owned-and-run businesses, especially when they sell exclusively body-safe adult products. That’s why I am proud to be an affiliate of The Pleasure Garden Shop, a homegrown (pun intended) online feminist sex shop right here in the UK.
I must first apologise for the delay in getting these reviews out – my health (physical and mental) have taken a nosedive since the beginning of the year and Mr CK has been unwell too. As such I am woefully behind on testing and writing about everything! But no matter – we’re here now.
I was really excited when Francesca, owner of The Pleasure Garden reached out and suggested a series of mini-reviews of kinky products that might appeal to people looking to explore BDSM for the first time, along with some handy tricks and tips on using them safely. This is the first of such a series – let’s take a look at what was in my very exciting parcel when it arrived…
Bound Noir Slim Wrist Cuffs
People who have seen me getting my sexy on will know that I kink super hard for leather. (Yes, I know, as a vegetarian this makes me a horrible hypocrite – don’t @ me!) Good quality leather also tends to be expensive, which is probably why I don’t own that much of it.
The Bound Noir Slim Wrist Cuffs had me squeeing for joy! Not only are they super stylish, made of soft black leather with gold coloured metal accents, they’re also an absolute steal at £32.99. I’ve seen leather cuff sets go for £100+, but there’s no need to spend that much when these are so good! They come with a removable connecting chain with clips at either end, and each cuff has two D-rings – so lots of ways to fasten your sub to something (or to themselves) should you desire.
These cuffs feel super luxurious to wear. The leather is really soft and supple, and just gets softer with use as you break them in. I’ve worn them for well over an hour before, including in a session where my wrists were above my head. They remained comfortable the whole time. The gold accents give an elegant feel. The perfect accessory for any sexy outfit!
They’re super adjustable. They have 5 notches, and there’s no reason you couldn’t get an extra one put in if you wanted to. (Take them to a professional leather worker, you could ruin them if you try it yourself!) The adjustability means they’ll work on most bodies. I have tiny wrists so I use them on the tightest setting. But I’ve also used them on people with much bigger hands/wrists than me with no problems at all.
Leather Wrist Cuffs Tips & Tricks…
Experiment with different positions. Not everything will be comfy for everyone. Clip your partner’s hands together behind their back, hook their arms around the bedpost, tie their hands to something above their head.
Cuffs should be loose enough that you can slip 1-2 fingers between the cuff and the skin, but tight enough so your partner cannot wiggle free. Experiment with different settings and check regularly. If there is any numbness, tingling or pins and needles in the hands, take the cuffs off IMMEDIATELY.
Never, EVER leave a bound person alone.
Store your cuffs flat, not fastened – the leather will degrade quicker if you store them closed.
Bound to Please Hemp Bondage Rope
Ask any rope bondage aficionado about their favourite type of rope, and you’ll get wildly different – but equally passionate – answers. We all have our favourites. I’ve always been a jute fan; I love the smell of it, the feel of it and the way it handles. But hemp is also a really popular choice. So I was delighted to try out this hemp bondage rope from Bound To Please.
This rope comes in 10 metre lengths and 5mm width. I believe this is the most ideal rope thickness for most bondage – any thicker and it starts looking bulkier and less elegant, any thinner and it starts to make ties more painful due to the way thinner ropes cut against the skin. (Not necessarily a bad thing if you like pain, but I don’t suggest tying with anything below 5mm until you’re experienced!) Each length costs £12.99.
“How much rope should I buy?” is always a question beginners ask me. It depends on a number of things, including types of ties and the size of the bottom. If you eventually want to move on to complex ties and suspensions, you’ll need more. If all you want to do is tie your partner to the bed for sex, you can get away with a couple of lengths. As a rough guide, for a TK (Takate Kote or Box Tie, the first formal harness tie most riggers learn) you’ll need 3 lengths and possibly 4 lengths for larger bodies. (If your partner is very petite, you might get away with 2.)
(I should just write a Big Guide to Choosing Rope, shouldn’t I? Okay, coming up…)
The thing I really love about natural fibre ropes, and especially hemp, is the smell. Hemp rope has this slightly undefinable sweet/woody smell and it’s gorgeous. I love tying in a room full of rope enthusiasts because the mix of natural fibres, bodies and sex in the air is just so intoxicating. Natural fibre ropes also get softer and smoother with use, as they are handled and absorb the natural oils from your skin.
Yes, I LOVE this rope!
Rope Tips & Tricks…
Firstly and most importantly, always – ALWAYS – keep a cutting tool to hand. The safest and best tool is a pair of EMT shears, like this, which you can by for a few quid on Amazon or from a medical supplies store.
Suspension looks cool and is great fun, but it is NOT the be-all, end-all. It is also very dangerous if not done properly. Gain proficiency in floor-work before you even think about suspending, and then do it under the tuition of an experienced rigger. Bottoms, this applies to you too – don’t ask someone to suspend you when you’ve never even worn a basic chest harness before.
Rope is for everyone! No matter the size of your body or your ability level, you can do rope if you want to. Listen to your body and be prepared to adjust.
Get some lessons! Rope bondage is inherently risky, and can be dangerous if not done properly. If you’re really lucky, there might be a rope studio near you. Otherwise, see if there’s a Peer Rope event in your area (these are usually listed on Fetlife) or find a trusted private tutor.
Check out some instructional Youtube videos. Ask in your local community or on Fetlife for recommendations, as not all teachers are created equal.
Rope can be a scene in itself. “Tie them up and fuck them” is great if that’s your thing, but don’t discount the possibility of rope for the sake of rope. Some of my most amazing scenes have been rope and nothing else.
To keep your rope in the best condition, coil it and put it away as soon as you can after a session.
This is worth reiterating: NEVER leave a bound person alone!
Bound to Please Silicone Paddle
I’d never used a silicone paddle before, so the Bound To Please Silicone Paddle was an exciting new addition to my impact play collection. It measures 41cm long by 6cm wide and is nice and light to handle. Silicone is super easy to clean and sterilise (just chuck it in boiling water or use a body-safe medical wipe), and as it contains no animal derived materials is suitable for vegetarians and vegans.
I tested this one out with The Artist. From what I recall, my reaction to it was a string of profanity, followed by tears (because it hurt so fucking much, y’all). Due to the density of the silicone and the slender design, what feels like a relatively light stroke to the Top can deliver a hell of a sting to the bottom.
This thing is fucking vicious.
I absolutely adore this paddle. But I am an experienced bottom and have been doing impact play for well over a decade at this point. Unless you have a high pain tolerance and a very clear idea of your body’s capabilities and limits, I cannot recommend this paddle to a beginner.
Start slowly. People can take more impact if you build up gradually rather than just whack them at full force straight away!
Remember that the goal isn’t “take as much as you possibly can”. The goal is for both of you to have fun and get something out of the session.
Get clear about what kind of scene you want and what impact play means to you. Playing with punishment is hot to some people, and emotionally painful for others. “Teacher spanking a naughty student” roleplay is a VERY different scene to “I’ve had a terrible week and need you to spank me until I cry“, even though both might superficially look similar.
Learn the safe areas of the body to hit. Upper back and butt = good. Thighs, chest and genitals = yes if you’re careful. Face, head, joins, spine, lower back and neck = absolutely not.
Making your partner count the strokes and/or ask you for them can be super hot. Try phrases like, “Thank you Sir/Miss, may I have another?”
Other recommendations for your beginner kit…
When you’re just starting out in kink, you don’t necessarily want to spend a fortune on kit – especially before you’ve fully worked out what you like! Exactly what you prioritise spending your money on will, of course, depend on your interests. But here’s a few things I think you should consider for your basic all-purpose kink kit…
Thank you to Francesca at The Pleasure Garden for sending me these items to review. Please check out the affiliate links in this post – by buying from The Pleasure Garden, you’ll be supporting a small woman-owned business as well as sending a little commission my way to help me keep doing what I’m doing. All views are, as always, my own.
Quality BDSM gear can be expensive. Sex shops sell some stuff, of course, though its quality is highly variable. A custom flogger or handmade paddle can cost anything from tens to hundreds of dollars. Many people simply don’t have that type of budget. Enter: pervertables.
What Are Pervertables?
Pervertables are innocuous everyday household items, reimagined and repurposed for kink. They are ideal for kinksters looking to do BDSM on a budget, anyone who is new to BDSM or wants to try a new type of sensation without blowing a lot of cash, or for those occasions when you find yourself somewhere without your toybag and want to have some fun.
And, of course, some pervertables can be sexy for their own sake. A lot of people fetishise, for example, the feeling and aesthetic of being spanked with a hairbrush.
5 Pervertables You Probably Have in Your House Right Now
When it comes to using pervertables for BDSM and bondage at home, you’re limited only by your imagination and basic safety precautions. Here are five ideas for items you might have to hand right now that can have a kinky use.
Clothes Pegs
Clothes pegs are an amazing alternative to clamps and such an underrated kink toy! Choose the plastic ones with soft pads on the teeth if you’re after something less vicious. The wooden ones are often more pinchy. This can vary, though, so test them out on your finger before you apply them to anywhere more sensitive.
Use clothes pegs on nipples, labia, clits, cocks, or most sensitive fleshy areas. Keep them away from the face and neck. After a more intense or painful experience? Try putting a line of clothes pegs along your masochist’s back, tying them all together with string or twine, and pulling them all of at once. (Don’t surprise someone with this the first time you do it; it’s not for everyone, so always get consent first.)
Pro tip: the longer you leave clamps or pegs on, the more they’ll hurt when they come off.
Chopsticks
Chopsticks are another option for makeshift clamps. Simply squeeze a nipple (or other sensitive area) between two chopsticks and secure the ends with small elastic bands or hair ties. For a tighter squeeze, secure closer to the centre. To loosen them off, move the bands outwards.
Wooden Spoon
Arguably the ultimate household spanking implement, wooden spoons can deliver a surprisingly sharp and stingy sensation. Much like canes, their pain comes in waves – the initial sting when the blow hits, and then a second or two moments later as all the nerves fully register the impact.
Pervertables like wooden spoons are pretty safe when used on fleshy places like butts, but you should always start slowly and gently, checking in with your partner along the way. You’d be surprised how much they can hurt!
Hairbrush
Traditionally associated with over-the-knee spanking, hairbrushes remain enduringly popular impact implements. Different sizes, shapes and materials can feel very different, so make no assumptions, build up slowly, and communicate with your partner as you go about how it feels.
Ice
Ice is brilliant. You can use it on its own or alongside something like wax play for a fun temperature-based scene. You can run ice over your partner’s body for a cold tease, press it to a nipple or clit, or trail icy droplets all over them.
Ice play doesn’t have to be painful and can be purely sensual, but it definitely can be painful if that’s what you want. Typically, ice in sensitive places will become painful quite quickly. Keep the ice moving (i.e. don’t rest it on one spot for too long) and make sure that the bottom gets dried off and warmed up as quickly as possible after play.
…And 5 Things You Shouldn’t Use as Pervertables
All the pervertables and activities I’ve suggested here are relatively low risk as long as you communicate with your partner, practice risk-aware consensual kink (RACK), and observe some basic safety precautions such as understanding no-hit zones.
But there are also some things you absolutely should not use as pervertables. Here are a few of them:
Cable Ties
Cable ties (also known as zip ties) are not a safe way to restrain someone. They can tighten easily, cutting off circulation or causing nerve damage. They’re also thin bands of rough plastic, meaning there’s a high risk of them cutting or chafing the skin.
Household Candles
There are different schools of thought on this. Some people say that basic, unscented paraffin wax candles are okay. My stance, though, is it’s not worth the risk. Different wax blends and quality levels burn at different temperatures and it can be hard to know what you’re getting. Instead, choose wax play candles from a reputable maker or supplier.
Fruits and Vegetables
Please don’t insert fruits and veggies into your body. They can carry harmful bacteria, pesticides, or other contaminants which can lead to irritation or infection. They can also have rough or sharp areas which can cut you. It is particularly dangerous to insert anything without a flared base anally, as it could become stuck (leading to an embarrassing emergency room visit if not a serious injury.)
This applies to virtually any household items you might be tempted to insert, by the way. When you can get a basic silicone dildo for under $20, it’s just not worth the risk.
Bamboo Garden Canes
Tempted to reach for one of those cheap bamboo gardening canes and repurpose it as a BDSM implement? Please, please don’t. Here’s why: when bamboo breaks, it splits horizontally along the shaft. This can result in razor-sharp long edges, putting the recieving partner at risk of a deep and dangerous cut.
Scarves
Scarves, particularly those made of slippery materials like silk, are popular “beginner bondage” materials. Unfortunately, they’re also far more dangerous than you think. They can easily tighten unintentionally, cutting off circulation, causing nerve damage or making them difficult to undo quickly. Grab some basic jute or hemp rope and learn how to do some fundamental ties instead. You’ll be much safer.
One of the great things about being a sex writer is that our events always have the best freebies. Rouge Garments provided various goodies for the recent Lube and A Laptop social, and mine turned out to be this fittingly red leather flogger.
This flogger is pretty hefty. End to end it’s about 71cm, of which 51cm is the falls and 20cm the handle. (On Rouge Garments’ site it lists the length of falls as 47cm, so mine may be a slightly over-long prototype.) Either way, it’s got a lot of length to it.
My Ratings (all scores out of 5★)
Price: ★★★★
The Rouge Garments flogger retails at The Pleasure Garden for £32, which is a very reasonable price for a real leather product. It is available in black, purple, or pink as well as red leather.
Materials: ★★★★
It’s 100% real leather, which is a popular material for impact toys. If you’re vegan you may want to avoid this one, though.
Appearance & Quality: ★★★
The design is fine though I don’t think it’s the prettiest flogger ever. My personal taste in floggers leans more towards leather falls with a wooden or metal handle, rather than all-over leather, but that’s a matter of preference.
The Rouge Garments red leather flogger seems fairly strong and durable, but my main gripe (and it’s a pretty major one) is with the length of the falls. They’re not cut evenly and there is a disparity of more than an inch between the longest and shortest. This does, unfortunately, make an otherwise promising product look somewhat cheaply made and slapdash.
Ease of Use: ★★★
Like all longer floggers, it takes some practice to wield effectively, but this is to be expected. Generally the longer the hitty thing, the harder it is to wield. It is very light for its size, though, which is a plus point. I could use it for quite a while without my arm getting tired, and I’m far from the strongest person around. Mr C&K pointed out that, due to the handle not being smooth (the leather is effectively wrapped around in a spiral shape,) the ridges did start to hurt his hand after using the flogger for a little while.
Feel: ★★★
I adore the feel of real leather on my skin, and this Rouge Garments flogger has a good thud/sting balance. The weight is just enough to give it a nice thud, while the thin falls follow that initial thud with a little bit of stingy bite. The uneven falls do increase the tendency for mishits to happen, though, which led to a couple of “BAD ouch” moments. Not recommended for anyone who wants pure thud or intense sting, but a passable option if you’re after something in the middle that isn’t too extreme on either end of the spectrum.
Overall Score: ★★★
Not the greatest flogger I’ve ever used by a long shot, but passable if you’re looking for something inexpensive. It’s an affordable option for people with some flogging experience who want to try out a larger flogger, and for anyone who wants to add some real leather to their collection without spending a fortune. If you want beauty and craft, though, I’d skip this one and head over to a dedicated BDSM retailer instead.
Thanks to Rouge Garments for providing these products in exchange for honest reviews. All opinions are, and will always be, my own. Affiliate link to buy this product from The Pleasure Garden send a small commission my way if you use them.
