Tag: collars

Close up of a gold heart-shape pendant. Text reads: what is a day collar?

What is a Day Collar, Why Might You Wear One, and Where Can You Get One?

Published on by Amy

In a kinky or BDSM relationship, collars can have all kinds of meanings. They can be akin to an engagement or wedding ring, a symbol of commitment, a signal to other members of the BDSM community, or simply a tool or fashion accessory. However, traditional collars also tend to be quite… well, obvious. If you want to wear a reminder of your kinky relationship without alerting the whole world, a day collar might be the answer. But what is a day collar, what do they mean, and where can you get one?

What is a Day Collar?

Subtle BDSM wrist cuffs in gold, rose gold, silver, and black. Black bracelet is engraved with words "good girl"

In short, a day collar is a collar that can be worn discreetly in settings where a traditional BDSM collar wouldn’t be appropriate, from the workplace to Christmas dinner with the extended family.

Day collars vary significantly in terms of how “obvious” or subtle they are. O rings, triskelions, heart motifs, and the eternity symbol are popular choices you might see. Some might have words or symbols engraved. Others are completely indistinguishable from ordinary jewellery.

Day collars can be worn in addition to or instead of a more traditional BDSM collar.

Creative Day Collar Ideas: When a Collar Isn’t a Collar

BDSM silver ring with inlaid diamonds. Internal engraving reads "nothing is impossible," external engraving reads "good girl"

While necklaces and items worn around the neck are most traditional, your day collar needn’t be a collar or piece of neckwear at all. In a past D/s relationship, mine was a bracelet. I’ve know people who have rings, anklets, wrist cuffs, watches, items of clothing or underwear, or even “tokens” that they carry with them rather than wear.

Remember: there are no rules to any of this. What matters is that you choose something that feels personal to you, appropriate for your relationship, and practical for your lifestyle.

To Lock or Not to Lock?

Subtle BDSM day collar with kitten pendant in silver

Something that appeals to a lot of kinksters about collars is the idea of something that the submissive cannot remove by themself. There are countless lockable day collars on the market. Having your partner lock your collar around your neck (or wrist, or ankle) and not being able to remove it can feen sensual, sexy, and deeply intimate. This option won’t be practical for everyone, and you may want to skip a lockable collar if you regularly need to take all your jewellery off (if you work in medicine, for example, or have to go through airport security regularly.)

A quick word of caution: if you choose a locking collar, always make sure the wearer has access to a spare key in case of emergencies.

Negotiating What Your Day Collar Means

In BDSM as in any relationship, things tend to get messy when people don’t communicate clearly. If you’re thinking of introducing any kind of collar to your relationship, have a frank and open conversation with your partner about what it means.

Do you agree on what it symbolises, what (if any) rules and expectations are in place when it’s being worn, and any rules or protocols around when it may or may not be removed?

Regardless of whether you’re dominant, submissive, or switchy in your kinky relationship, I never recommend springing a collar on someone. People have very different ideas about what they do and don’t mean. Instead, bring up the subject of collaring in a low-pressure way and talk about what it means to you. If you and your partner agree that you want to introduce a collar and have established some guidelines on its meaning and role in your relationship, go shopping together for something you’ll both love.

Think & Kink: Purveyors of Beautiful and Unique BDSM Jewellery

BDSM day collar in stainless steel with gold and silver heart pendants

I’ve recently partnered with Think & Kink, a provider of gorgeous and unique day collars, BDSM jewellery, and other kinky accessories. They offer chokers, necklaces, lockable day collars, bracelets, anklets, rings, and more. Many of their items are also engraveable, so you can get them customised with your pet name, term of endearment, collaring date, or any other message that is meaningful to you.

Think & Kink allowed me to choose any piece from the site, and after a lot of deliberation I chose this dual heart mixed metals choker. This one called to me for a couple of reasons. First, hearts play a pretty key role in my personal style (#lovecore amirite?). I just love them. Secondly, as a polyamorous submissive with two loves and two dominants, the dual-heart design really spoke to me and seemed like a sweet way to honour both my relationships in my subtly kinky accessories.

They were also kind enough to send me a piece to gift to one lucky reader, so keep your eyes open for how to enter the giveaway – details coming soon!

This post was brought to you in collaboration with Think & Kink. Affiliate links appear in this post and you can get 15% off any order with code AMY15 at checkout. All images by Think & Kink.

Several BDSM items including leather straps, nipple clamps, and a blindfold on a red background. A length of black rope forms a heart. Text in the middle of the heart reads: A Beginners' Guide to BDSM wearables

A Beginners’ Guide to BDSM Wearables: 7 Types You Should Know

Published on by Amy

When you think of BDSM gear, what comes to mind? You probably thought of ropes, cuffs and other restraints, impact toys such as floggers and paddles, or maybe specialist tools like electro-play toys, chastity devices, or pinwheels. But what about collars, BDSM hoods, gags, and other kinky wearables? BDSM wear is anything you put on your body that’s in some way related to a kink, fetish, or kinky relationship.

There are, of course, tonnes of amazing BDSM and kink activities you can do without any gear or costumes at all. But for some people, slipping on a particular item or piece of clothing (or putting it on a partner) can help them get into, and maintain, the desired headspace for kinky play.

Whether you wear them all the time, just during play, or as part of a kink party outfit, wearables can mark a transition between the vanilla and kink worlds, help to signify your role outwardly to others, or simply make you feel more fully yourself.

These are seven types of BDSM wearables you should know about.

Collars

Collars are perhaps the ultimate BDSM wearable. In the traditional sense, a collar is something you wear around your neck, generally to signify that you’re a submissive in some kind of BDSM dynamic. Materials such as leather, faux leather, suede, and even metal are common. Collars can be obvious or much more subtle, resembling an ordinary necklace. Some collars may not even be collars in the literal sense; I’ve seen people use things like rings, bracelets, or even tattoos as their collars.

Collars can mean all sorts of things. For some people, they’re akin to a wedding ring, signifying a lifelong commitment. To others, they can signify when they’re “in” or “out” of scene space. For example, I have a collar my nesting partner bought for me, and I wear it when I’m in a submissive role during play or at an event. Some people see collars as intensely meaningful, others as nothing more that tools or fashion statements. There’s no right or wrong here; what matters is what they mean to you and your partner(s) if applicable.

By the way: you can also self-collar whether you’re in a relationship or not. I have a collar I bought for myself and when I wear it, it reminds me that my body, mind, heart and choices belong to me and that I am in charge of my life.

BDSM Hoods and Other Sensory Deprivation Wear

Sensory deprivation refers to removing one or more of the senses during play. Some find this can heighten other senses. Others say it quiets the mind, helps them get more into their submissive headspace, or reinforces a sense of helplessness and vulnerability.

Everything from blindfolds and earplugs to full sensory deprivation BDSM hoods and mummification sacks come under the category of sensory deprivation wearables.

Play of this type can be surprisingly intense, so go slowly if you’re new to exploring it. It can also cut off usual avenues of communication, such as eye contact, facial expressions, or auditory clues. Make sure you establish alternative check-ins and safe signals before you start.

Harnesses

Harnesses are wearables made up of a series of straps. They’re commonly made from leather or a faux-leather material, but silicone harnesses are also becoming increasingly popular.

A harness can be decorative, functional, or a mixture of both. They can be full-body or cover just one area, such as the chest, legs, or hands. Some people wear them purely for the aesthetic value, while others enjoy the restrictive sensation some harnesses can offer. They can also act as a symbol of submission or dominance, or as a useful set of anchor points to assist in playing with restraint.

Gags and Muzzles

Gags and muzzles limit or restrict the speech and sounds of the wearer. Many people find this sexy in the context of power exchange. If you’re someone who tends to be loud when you’re playing, they can also be a good way to have fun without scaring the neighbours!

Gags and muzzles can range from simple ball or bit gags to more complex designs that hold the mouth open, all the way up to full-head lockable devices.

If you’re playing with gags, always ensure you adopt a safe signal in place of a safeword in case the submissive needs to stop. You should also take extra care to ensure breathing isn’t restricted.

Pet Play Gear

Pet players are people who enjoy taking on the persona or characteristics associated with an animal during play or as part of a kink relationship. Puppies, kittens, ponies, foxes, cows, and pigs are just some of the animal personas you might see in pet play spaces. Mythical creatures, such as unicorns and dragons, may also come out to play in these spaces.

Pet play BDSM wear includes anything that helps pet players get more into their role and headspace. Think a puppy-themed BDSM hood, a tail, a cat collar with a bell on it, pony ears, and so on.

It’s important to note that pet play is about roleplaying, archetypes, and power dynamics between consenting adult humans. It has nothing to do with actual animals or animal abuse.

Fetish Fabrics

Strictly speaking, almost any fabric can be a “fetish fabric” since the core definition of a fetish is simply deriving sexual arousal from something that is an ordinarily non-sexual object or body part. However, the fabrics and materials most commonly associated with fetishism are things like rubber, PVC, latex, and leather. These fabrics can be used for clothes, accessories, BDSM hoods or blindfolds, and more.

You might be aroused by some aspect of these fabrics themselves, like the feel of rubber or the smell of leather, or by some aspect of how it feels to wear them, such as the constricting nature of latex. Or both! Or neither! You might just like how they look and how you feel in them. I don’t have any particular fabric fetishes, but I still adore my catsuit.

Costumes

If immersive kinky roleplay is your thing, you might get more into your role with costumes. This can be anything from a simple accessory like a hat, through to elaborate get-ups worthy of your local am-dram troupe. Doctors and nurses, teachers, schoolgirls, French maids and Playboy-style bunnies are some of the options you’ll commonly find in sex shops, but the sky’s the limit when it comes to your imagination.

Thanks to Juliet Toys for sponsoring this post. Check out their kink collection of toys and BDSM wear which includes collars, impact toys, BDSM hoods, and much more. All writing and opinions are my own.

Header image for Liebe Seele Dark Candy Pink Collar and Leash Set review

[Kink Product Review] Liebe Seele Dark Candy Vegan Leather Pink Collar and Leash Set

Published on by Amy

When you think of BDSM and kink, what colour palette do you think of? Chances are you’re imagining black, right? Maybe touches of red or purple? But that aesthetic isn’t for everyone. What if you want your kink to be pretty and pastel, to have a look that’s light and playful or just plain fun? Fortunately there are now more options than ever for kinksters of all tastes, from custom BDSM collars and impact toys to beautiful basics in an array of colours and styles, like this pink collar and leash set in vegan leather from Liebe Seele.

Dark Candy Pink Collar & Leash Set

Liebe Seele Dark Candy Pink Collar and Leash Set
Image: Liebe Seele

Dark Candy is a new range from Japanese brand Liebe Seele (which means “dear soul” in German, by the way.) The Dark Candy range consists of various pieces of BDSM gear including cuffs, blindfolds, collars, gags, and impact toys, all in black or pink faux leather. I received the pink collar and leash set.

This set consists of two pieces, both made from organosilicon faux leather (more on that in a minute) with nickel-free metal hardware. The collar is fully adjustable to fit all neck sizes from 30.5 up to 44.5cm. The leash can be attached or detached from the collar using the clip and the central O-ring.

Vegan Faux Leather

The Dark Candy collar and leash set, like everything else in this range, is made from Organosilicon PU, a vegan-friendly alternative to leather that mimics the look and feel of the real thing.

Many vegan leather alternatives, including traditional polyurethane, are controversial due to their negative environmental impacts. Organosilicon is an alternative that, according to some sources, is far more environmentally friendly. I’m not quite prepared to declare it totally eco-friendly because few of the sources I could find for this claim could be called unbiased. But, if you’re looking for an animal-free alternative to leather that is less problematic than traditional PU or plastic leathers, organosilicon may be worthy of consideration.

Organosilicon leather is also able to withstand both hot and damp conditions better than animal or plastic leathers. This makes it a practical choice if you’re looking for a hardwearing regular-use collar.

Look, Feel & Function

I really like both the look and feel of this collar.

The light dusky pink is pretty and femme. I’d wear it as a finishing touch to a cute and pastel fetish look or to add a fun and unexpected pop of colour to an all-black outfit.

It appears well-made, with neat and sturdy stitching and robust-feeling hardware. It feels like you could comfortably give it a good tug without doing any damage (carefully. Necks are delicate.)

Most importantly, this collar is so, so soft! This is really important to me from a comfort perspective; my particular flavour of neurospiciness makes me highly sensitive to sensations and textures, and uncomfortable fabrics and sensations against my skin can be utterly unbearable.

The downside of vegan leathers is that they do not “breathe” in the same way as animal leathers. This means that my neck does get quite sweaty when I wear this collar for a while. If you’re wearing a collar made of a fabric like this, I’d recommend taking it off every few hours to give your skin chance to breathe.

The Dark Candy pink collar and leash set retails for a budget-friendly £33. You can also enjoy 15% off sitewide using my links and entering code Amy15 at checkout.

Thanks to Liebe Seele for sending me the Dark Candy Pink Collar and Leash Set to review. All views, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Custom BDSM collars, custom floggers and more header image

Where Can You Get Custom BDSM Collars, Toys, and Other Handmade Kink Gear?

Published on by Amy

When you first start out in kink and BDSM, you might be thinking about building up a toybag. Perhaps you’ve been exploring for a while and you’re ready to upgrade your basic kit for something a bit fancier. Perhaps you’re in a new relationship or have a special occasion coming up and want to treat yourself or your partner to something special. Custom BDSM collars, outfits, toys, and other handmade kink gear can be amazing, one-of-a-kind additions to your collection.

To be absolutely clear: you don’t need expensive custom gear to be kinky. We’ve all met those individuals who think that a toybag worth thousands of dollars makes them a truer kinkster but who doesn’t know how to actually use any of that stuff safely. Kink isn’t about the toys you own. You can do amazing things with your bodies, with your imaginations, with pervertables, and with some basic items from a beginners’ bondage kit or your local sex shop.

But if you want to add some artisan or custom kink pieces to your collection, here are five places you can go to find them.

Go to a Fetish Market

I love a fetish market (though my bank balance does not!) Fetish markets or kink markets are in-person events where vendors can come to network, meet customers, and sell their wares.

Some happen at regular intervals, such as the monthly Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar/BBB in the UK and the annual Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. Others are pop-up or one off events. You’ll also find kink and fetish sections in the vendors’ area at some Pride festivals.

The beauty of fetish markets is that you can see and handle items before you buy them. You may even be able to try things – try that collar on, swing those custom floggers against your arm to see how they feel – before you commit. And, since most kinky crafters and makers are hugely passionate about what they do, you’ll benefit from their knowledge and advice to help you choose the perfect thing for you.

Etsy (Maybe?)

The Etsy adult content guidelines have made the news over the last couple weeks as the popular crafters’ and makers’ marketplace has clamped down on pornography, sex toys, and other sexual content. At the time of writing, the guidelines explicitly state that kink and BDSM products ARE still permitted:

Etsy allows the sale of non-insertable and non-penetrable adult toys and sexual accessories, as long as they meet our requirements for sale on Etsy. This includes items such as restraints, handcuffs, nipple clamps, body harnesses, sex furniture, and BDSM accessories.

Permitted adult toys and sexual accessories may not be shown in use or worn by human models in listing or review photos. Consider using a mannequin or flat lay photography instead.

Etsy content guidelines as of 11/07/2024

So this is good news for those who buy or sell handmade and custom kink gear. It may change, of course, so keep an eye on it. For now, though, there are thousands of beautiful kinky pieces from custom BDSM collars, cuffs and harnesses to wax play kits, floggers, whips, clamps and much more for sale on Etsy.

A couple of my personal favourites are Kandles by Kitten for the best wax play candles you’ll ever try, and Freebound Studio for all-vegan collars, cuffs and more.

Commission a Maker Directly

If you find a particular artist or maker you like but they don’t have quite what you’re looking for, ask if you can commission them to make you something unique. Others in your local kink community will probably also have recommendations for their favourite makers. A commission allows you to choose everything from the colours and materials to the sizing.

Again, kinky makers and crafters tend to get into this field because they love it. So if you ask them to help you create something, you’re sure to end up with a unique and beautiful piece you’ll love.

Make Your Own

Not everyone can or wants to get into making their own stuff, of course. This isn’t an easy or quick solution. Many kinky makers have spent years honing their crafts to get as good as they are. But if you’re passionate about making things, have the time, and are willing to drop money on the equipment you’ll need, making your own is one way to guarantee you get something truly bespoke.

Of course, if you already have a crafty talent – such as leatherworking or wood-turning – it should be easy to turn your skills to kinkier projects.

Don’t try to make your own sex toy unless you have an excellent working knowledge of body-safe materials and how to work with them, and test your handmade kink gear thoroughly before you use it on a person.

Check Out the Spicerack

Spicerack is a new platform that is basically Etsy for adults! This sex-positive online marketplace allows makers to sell products from sex toys and BDSM gear to lingerie, accessories, art, novelties, sexual wellness products and more. It’s an absolute treasure-trove of

For example, The Kinky Peach sells made-to-order and custom BDSM collars in delightfully whimsical and playful designs. LVX offers custom floggers in a range of handle wood and leather colour options. And I am absolutely lusting over Naughty Pawsies’ colourful shades and quirky pieces.

Whatever your kinky heart desires, there’s probably someone on Spicerack selling it… or someone you can commission to make it for you!

Affiliate links appear in this post. All views, as always, are mine.

Header image for romantic and sexy gift ideas guide for Christmas

6 Romantic and Sexy Gift Ideas for Your Partner This Holiday Season

Published on by Amy

Have you finished your holiday shopping yet? No, me neither (though I’m doing better than I typically have been at this point in previous years.) Giving gifts isn’t super high on my list of love languages, but I do enjoy the process of choosing – or making – the perfect presents for my loved ones.

If you have a romantic partner or partners, you might be thinking about getting them something special to show your love, give them the pleasure they deserve, or add to your amazing sex life together.

Six Sexy Gift Ideas Your Partner Will Love

From sex toys to trips for two and more, I’ve put together six romantic yet sexy gift ideas to get you inspired.

Something they’ll feel sexy wearing

I nearly put “lingerie or underwear” as the heading for this section, then I changed my mind. Because what makes a person feel beautiful, handsome, or sexy is very personal and might not be what we traditionally think of as “sexy.”

For some, that thing will be a set of lacy lingerie or slinky underwear. For others it might be a perfectly tailored shirt, a sparkly gown, a pair of sky-high heels, a leather or faux leather harness, a silk tie, or even a fragrance or piece of jewellery. The trick is to know your partner and their tastes. Not sure? You can always take them shopping so you can choose something perfect together.

A beautiful sex toy

Sex toys can be as beautiful as they are functional, and some of them are real works of art. They can be made of materials from silicone and glass to metal, ceramic, and even some types of stone. They come in all colours, shapes, sizes, and designs you can imagine. A heart toy could be particularly cute for a romantic occasion. Some even have glitter!

A gorgeous toy can be a wonderfully luxurious gift to show your partner that you’re thinking about their pleasure. Just make sure you know them well enough to choose something that will work for their body and preferences. (And maybe don’t get them a lifesize realistic sex doll if they live in a small apartment.)

Giving red roses to your lover is traditional so, if they have a clitoris, how about a red rose suction toy? (Cute, lasts much longer than cut flowers, and says “I care about your pleasure!”) If they’re a strap-on top, how about this red rose harness?

Massage oils or candles

Giving each other massages is a wonderful way to connect physically, get close whether or not the massage leads to sex, and tune into each other’s bodies. You can step things up a notch by adding oils, candles, or massagers into the mix. These can make great stocking-filler gifts!

Create a romantic atmosphere by dimming the lights. I like candles, fairy lights, or lamps with a warm soft glow for this. If you like, you can also play some gentle and relaxing music.

A sexy subscription box

Subscription boxes are the gifts that keep on giving. Depending on how long you subscribe, your partner can enjoy regular treats for 3, 6, 12 months… or even longer. They can also be a great way to explore new ideas, rekindle a spark if your sex life has dwindled lately, or just set aside intentional time for each other and your intimate relatioship.

There are now adult subscription boxes in all kinds of categories. You’ll find boxes with sex toys, lingerie, smutty literature, kink and BDSM gear, date night kits, and more. Some are designed with couples in mind, and others can be enjoyed solo. I even stumbled across one designed specifically for polyamorous triads!

A new collar

This one’s for the kinksters! For many who are involved in BDSM or a D/s relationship, collars are both intensely personal and intensely meaningful. That means that this isn’t something you should spring on someone without warning. Always have a conversation about what collars mean, whether you want them to play a role in your relationship, and the expectations and obligations that they do and do not imply.

With that caveat out of the way, if collars have a place in your relationship then a new one can be a wonderful and romantic gift for your submissive partner. With everything from ornate showpieces to simple metal bands and even totally discreet day collars available, there are plenty of options to choose from.

A romantic getaway

If you’re looking to splash out (or can find an incredible last-minute deal) why not surprise your loved one with a romantic trip together… or choose and book it together as a gift to each other?

A change of scene, having an adventure, and getting a long stretch quality time together are amongst the best things you can do to nurture your relationship no matter whether you’re newly in love or have been together for decades.

Pro tip: plan to go early in the new year if that’s possible for your schedule and budget. Me and my girlfriend are going on our first holiday together in January. December is busy and January tends to suck, so planning something wonderful to look forward to post-Christmas is a strategy I would highly recommend!

Do you have any favourite sexy gift ideas to share? Pop them in the comments if so.

Thanks to Inyarose for kindly sponsoring this post. All writing and views, as always, are mine.

Liebe Seele Fairy Collection review header

[Kink Product Review] Liebe Seele Fairy Collection

Published on by Amy

Something that often bugs me about kink and BDSM is the way that the aesthetic is, broadly speaking, so damn similar everywhere you look. There’s nothing wrong with black leather cuffs or PVC catsuits or red and black colourways, of course, but it does all get a bit samey after a while. That’s why I’m so drawn to kink products that offer something a little bit different, such as the Liebe Seele Fairy collection.

For a femme such as myself, I don’t always want my BDSM vibe to be dark and serious. Sometimes I want it to be pretty, pastel, and fun! That’s what these items represent.

Liebe Seele Fairy Collection

Liebe Seele is a Japanese brand selling quality leather BDSM gear, sex toys, fetishwear, and more. Fun fact: “Liebe Seele” translates to “dear soul.”

Their “Fairy” collection is a range of 5 products: wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, blindfold, collar and leash, and ball gag. Each item is available in either pink and white or green and white. I received the blindfold and ankle cuffs in green, and the collar/leash and wrist cuffs in pink (no ball gag because I don’t use them.)

Liebe Seele Fairy bdsm collection in pink
Liebe Seele Fairy bdsm collection in green

All of the products are handcrafted in real leather, and some have gold or bronze-coloured metal accents such as buckles and fastenings

General First Impressions

My Liebe Seele products arrived beautifully packaged. Each item comes in a sturdy box and is sealed with an inner wrap and branded sticker. The presentation gets absolute top marks. I will say there’s quite a lot of unnecessary single-use plastic, though, so I would like to see that go.

Liebe Seele leather handcuffs for BDSM in their box

Liebe Seele bondage gear inner packaging

At first glance, the leather looks and feels of high quality. It’s lovely and soft, and has that beautiful unique leather smell.

Let’s look at each of the items in turn.

Liebe Seele Blindfold

A blindfold is one of the first basic BDSM items I recommend people get when they’re building a toybag. These versatile toys can be great for sensory deprivation, for getting into a headspace and switching your mind off, or for playing out all kinds of fantasies.

Liebe Seele green leather blindfold for BDSM

The Liebe Seele fairy blindfold has 9 holes, making it highly adjustable and wearable by just about anyone. It’s comfortable to wear, particularly after a couple of uses once the leather is starting to wear in. I particularly love getting a nose full of leather smell – a highly erotic scent to me, because I might be a vegetarian but I am also a giant hypocrite – when I’m wearing it.

It comes with a branded drawstring storage bag.

If I have a criticism of this blindfold, it’s that the actual mask part is slightly too small. When it’s on, it still lets a good amount of light in. Making it just half an inch wider over each eye would likely solve this problem.

The Liebe Seele Fairy Blindfold retails for £24/$28.95.

Liebe Seele Wrist Cuffs

The Liebe Seele wrist cuffs have five holes to fit different wrist sizes. I have fairly small wrists and I find them most comfortable on the fourth setting (i.e. the second tightest.)

Liebe Seele leather handcuffs for BDSM

These cuffs are so, so comfy to wear! The leather is soft and supple immediately, and only gets more so as you wear it in. They feel sturdy and secure, but also sensual and sexy. Each cuff has a small D-ring and they come with a separate double-ended clip chain, allowing you to fasten the wearer’s hands together if you want to.

No notes. A near perfect set of handcuffs for BDSM.

The Liebe Seele Fairy Wrist Cuffs retail for £47/$57.95.

Liebe Seele Ankle Cuffs

Like the wrist cuffs, the Liebe Seele ankle cuffs come with a D-ring on each cuff and a detachable double-ended clip chain. You can clip the ankles together… or combine them with the wrist cuffs for a basic hogtie position. (Read up on how to do this safely before you start!)

Liebe Seele green leather ankle cuffs for BDSM

Again, the cuffs are ultra soft and beautifully made. They feel sturdy enough for harder play, in that I can pull against them without worrying that they’re going to break!

They have 7 hole settings for different sizing, and I personally find the middle one the most comfortable.

The Liebe Seele Fairy Ankle Cuffs retail for £49/$59.95.

Liebe Seele Collar and Leash

Collars are hugely personal and can mean many different things. Whether you’re choosing one that you’ll just wear in a scene for fun, or one that you’ll wear as a symbol of a committed D/s relationship, it’s important to choose one[*] that feels like “you.” While I’m not sure the Liebe Seele Collar is really me, it is objectively an absolutely gorgeous piece even so.

Liebe Seele pink leather collar for BDSM, BDSM collar and leash

This collar has 9 different sizing settings. Collars shouldn’t be fastened too tight – as a rule of thumb, you should be able to slide two fingers between the collar and the neck with minimal difficulty. Its 3 D-rings offer a variety of play and restraint options (as with anything involving the neck, do your research and be VERY careful. Never do anything that may restrict the wearer’s breathing.) The accompanying leash is completely detachable, so you can use them either separately or together.

It’s comfortable to wear and soft enough that I could happily wear it all evening for a party or scene.

The Liebe Seele Collar and Leash Set retails for £46/$55.95.

[*] Or several. I think I own about 10 collars at this point that I wear in various contexts and with varying degrees of regularity.

Verdict

Gorgeous! I’m obsessed. The Liebe Seele Fairy collection pieces are such fantastic quality and, if properly cared for, will last for many years. They’re functional as well as aesthetically beautiful.

These pieces are also super affordable for the quality. You can get the full set (everything I’ve reviewed here plus the gag) for under $250/£200, or you can mix and match to get the pieces you want in your choice of colour.

Use code Amy15 to get 15% off your entire Liebe Seele purchase!

Thanks to Liebe Seele for sending me these items to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are, as always, mine.

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[Kink Product Review] Bondage Boutique Glow-in-the-Dark Collar and Lead

Published on by Amy

This month I’ve partnered with Lovehoney to bring you a series of reviews for Sex In Full Colour in honour of Pride Month. I’ve been reviewing bright and colourful toys. Today we’ve got something a little different: a glow-in-the-dark collar and lead set from the Bondage Boutique range!

Vegan Leather Collar and Lead

Bondage Boutique is Lovehoney’s own brand line of affordable bondage and BDSM gear. While I’ve liked some pieces from the range more than others, they’re generally pretty solid quality beginner-friendly pieces.

The Bondage Boutique Glow-in-the-Dark Collar and Lead set is made of vegan-friendly faux leather. As you might be aware, I have mixed feelings regarding real leather so it’s great to see more and more alternatives being offered. The collar and leash feature a black central stripe surrounded by two stripes that are white in daylight, and glow luminous green in the dark.

BDSM collar and leash set

It’s really hard to get a picture of it in the dark with the mediocre camera I have, so here’s one from the official product page:

BDSM collar and leash glowing in the dark

The collar and leash are connected by a 35.5″ chain which can be unclipped from the D-ring at the front centre of the collar. The leash features a looped handle in matching black and white faux leather. Comfortable to hold and convenient for keeping your pet close to you!

The product copy says this collar is “submersible” but honestly I wouldn’t recommend getting it wet. Splashes won’t do it any harm, but I wouldn’t wear it in the shower or swimming pool.

Look and Style

The black-and-white look of this collar is just unusual enough to be eyecatching, but also means it will work with most outfits. The aesthetic isn’t either particularly masculine or particularly feminine (in my opinion), so it can potentially work for a wide array of different gender expressions.

Kinky collar and lead set BDSM toy in vegan leather

The glow-in-the-dark effect is fun and quirky. You’ll never lose your submissive in a dark sex dungeon again! Overall, this collar looks stylish and understated in the light, then fun and playful in the dark.

You tell me what you think, but I think it looks really cute on me!

Woman wearing a BDSM faux leather collar vegan leather

Make and Quality

One of the things I like about the Bondage Boutique products is that they generally provide well-made items for a fraction of the price you’d pay for bespoke kink gear. While I love a high-end piece as much as anyone, it’s vital that beginners and kinksters on restricted budgets have access to safe, quality toys.

The Bondage Boutique Glow-in-the-Dark Collar and Lead set appears well made and robust. The stitching is neat and strong, and the hardware pieces are securely fastened to the faux leather. You can safely tug on your submissive’s collar or leash without any worry about damaging them. (Obviously be very careful – this collar isn’t delicate, but necks are!)

Fit and Comfort

The Glow-in-the-Dark Collar and Lead set is fully adjustable. The collar features 7 sizing holes and you could probably add another easily enough with the right tool. But it measures 20.5″ in total length and will fit the vast majority of neck sizes as it is.

I found this collar comfortable and enjoyable to wear. The material is soft and flexible and doesn’t irritate my skin. The band is narrow enough that I can wear it comfortably for hours without it affecting my posture. (I have intermittent neck and upper back pain, and collars that are too wide can exacerbate it if I wear them for too long.)

From a comfort perspective, the only downside is that the material doesn’t really “breathe” so my neck gets very sweaty after a while. If you’re wearing it in a warm environment, you might want to take it off for a few minutes occasionally to let your skin breathe.

Verdict: Enjoy Your Glow Up

This is a really cute, fun, and versatile collar and lead set. It’s also well made, strong, comfortable, and should last you a good long time. Best of all, it retails for an incredibly affordable £14.99 ($19.99 US).

Don’t forget that you can get 10% off at Lovehoney with the code “AFF-COFFKINK10” at checkout!

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me this item to review. All views, as ever, are mine. This post contains affiliate links and using them supports the site at no extra cost to you.

A wrapped present. For a post on the love language of giving and receiving gifts

The Kinky Love Languages: Giving & Receiving Gifts

Published on by Amy1 Comment

I started this series months ago and promptly forgot to finish it. But we’re back and today we’re talking the love language of gifts, and specifically gifts for your Dominant or submissive. Let’s go!

If you don’t know your love language yet, take the quiz to find out. The love languages model is deeply flawed and incomplete, but a useful starting point for thinking about how you like to give and receive love.

A content warning that this post discusses spending money, so if that’s difficult or stressful for you please feel free to skip this one. I have tried to be mindful of different budgets and provide a range of options.

What the “Giving and Receiving Gifts” Love Language Means (and Doesn’t)

Giving and receiving gifts is often looked down upon compared to the other four options in the basic “five love languages” framework (words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch.) Those who feel an affinity with this method of showing and receiving love tend to be viewed as materialistic, shallow, or having a tendency to throw money at a relationship in lieu of actually making an effort.

However, I believe that is unfair.

The people I’ve spoken to for whom giving and receiving gifts is a primary love language take care to point out that it’s not about the money spent or the financial value of the gift. Instead, it’s about the love and affection that goes into picking out the perfect thing for your partner.

The “gifts” in this context do not have to be big, expensive, extravagant presents. In most cases, they probably shouldn’t be. This love language is about paying attention to the things your partner loves or what they need, and giving them things that reflect that care and attention. Gifts for your Dominant or submissive can be as simple as getting their favourite brand of tea before they sleep over, bringing them a bar of chocolate after a bad day, or picking up a cute trinket you saw for £1 because it made you think of them.

So how can this one relate to kinky dynamics?

Gifts for a Submissive: How to Love a Sub with This Love Language

In my experience, very often what submissives want more than anything is to feel truly seen and known by their Dominants. Another thing that is very often important to submissives is to feel taken care of. The love language of gifts gives you, as a Dominant, tonnes of opportunity to provide for these basic and important needs.

So pay attention to what your submissive likes! Listen for cues, watch the things they lust after or buy for themselves. Take note of things like any favourite colours, foods, hobbies or artists. That way, when you’re looking for gifts for a submissive partner, for a special occasion or “just because,” you can get them something really perfect.

Is your submissive always working hard and barely taking time for themselves? You could give them a gift which says “I’m giving you permission to relax.” A nice bath bomb or the latest issue of their favourite magazine? Perhaps the heating in their apartment is wonky, so you buy them a big snuggly blanket to keep them warm on cold days. Have they been wanting to write more? A beautiful notebook might be the perfect present.

Sexy gifts such as sex toys can also be a great option, if your relationship includes sex! Why not surprise your submissive with a new vibrator, masturbator, or a dildo in their favourite colour? They’ll think of you fondly every time they use it.

Making It Meaningful to the Two of You

Finally, consider the meaning of gifts that signify your relationship and importance to each other. You’ll need to negotiate its meaning fully, and I don’t advocate springing this on someone without discussion, but for many submissives, their collar will be the most precious gift they ever receive. If that’s not right for your relationship (or they already have one,) then other gift options for a submissive might be a special piece of jewellery, a harness, some beautiful underwear, or even a kink toy that is only for the two of you to use together.

Gifts for Your Dominant: How to Love a Dom with This Love Language

A good way to think of this is to frame the idea of giving the perfect gifts to your Dominant as an act of service. Many Doms love the idea of a submissive who pays attention and can anticipate their needs. Notice what their favourite snacks are and make sure you have them in. Bring them a coffee when you meet them at the end of a long day. Stressed out Dom? Buy massage oil or a massage candle and read up on how to give a relaxing back rub.

As with any other partner, keep notes on their favourite things and use this knowledge to guide your gift-giving.

A way to take this a step further, if you’re so inclined, is to make it your mission to seek out something special for them that they haven’t been able to get. Is there a book they really want that’s out of print, a game that’s no longer made, or a limited edition version of something that would make their eyes light up? If you have the chance, making an extra effort in this way can be a profound show of both love and service.

Kinking It Up a Step Further

Kinky toys and tools are absolutely ideal gifts to give Dominants, too. Pay attention to what things they pick up and admire when you go to the fetish market together, or what things they’ve mentioned they really want to try. File this information away for later then, when you have occasion to give them a gift, you can surprise them with something that they’ll get endless joy out of using (on you, naturally.) Have you ever given a sadist a new whip as a present? I recommend it.

And kinky presents don’t have to stop at physical things. What about a ticket to a kink event you’ve been wanting to go to together, or a course of lessons in rope, whip technique, or some other skill they’ve been wanting to learn?

If you wish, you could even turn giving gifts to your Dominant into a kinky thing in and of itself. I am far from an expert in “financial Domination,” and it’s something I encourage you to be extremely careful with and set firm limits around… but if the idea of showering your Dom with gifts and treats as part of your submission, or pretending you are being “made” to do it, gets you off then this can be a fun thing to play with. The inimitable Girl on the Net wrote about one perspective on financial domination here and here.

Some More Tips That Work for Anyone

At the end of the day, most people love to receive the kinds of gifts that show thought, consideration, and a true knowledge of who they are. Regardless of whether you’re kinky or vanilla, a Dom or a sub or something else, you can show love to your partner by giving them the occasional well-considered, well-timed gift.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, consider gifts that help your partner feel connected to you. This could be as simple as sneaking a shirt that smells like you into their luggage before they leave, or as elaborate as buying them a fancy app-controlled sex toy for use during your sexting sessions.

Homemade gifts are almost always wonderful. So if you have a talent, use it! I own two paintings and several pieces of jewellery made for me by my partner The Artist, and I absolutely cherish these things. I’ve made everything from chocolate chip cookies to knitted items for loved ones, and they’ve always gone down well.

Finally, gifts don’t have to be physical items! Something I treasure immensely is when a partner gives me a gift of an experience for us to do together. This could be buying dinner at their favourite restaurant, going to see a show together, or almost anything that they’ll love doing and love doing with you. Something that’s both a physical item and an experience, such as a date night kit or couples’ chocolate set, can work particularly well for anyone who sits at the intersection of “receiving gifts” and “quality time” in their love languages.

Looking for some inspiration? Check out my list of sexy gift ideas to get inspired.

Affiliate links appear in this post.

Young woman wearing a pink BDSM collar and pink leather handcuffs

11 Things a Collar Can Mean (But Doesn’t Have To)

Published on by Amy

What is the meaning of a collar in BDSM? Ask ten BDSM enthusiasts what collaring means to them and you’ll get 20 different answers. Not all kinksters use collars in their play or D/s relationships. Amongst those who do, they can have vastly different meanings depending on context and the people involved.

A simple band around the neck can take on many different significances and be worn in many different ways. As with anything in BDSM, Here are some I thought of, though I am sure there are many more.

A Lifetime Commitment: Collaring as a BDSM Marriage

Some kinksters view their collar as akin to a wedding ring. They may or may not also be legally married to their partner, and they may or may not also wear a traditional wedding ring, but they view their collar as the outward symbol of their lifetime commitment to a BDSM relationship.

Some couples choose to formalise their collaring with a ceremony. This can be performed privately or in front of friends and loved ones.

BDSM Collar Meaning: Permanent Ownership

Some people use “owner/property” dynamics as part of their kinky relationships. In these contexts, the submissive may wear a collar as a symbol that they are the property of their partner. Some couples choose a permanent collar that cannot be removed without a key. If you go down this route, always make sure the wearer has a spare in case of an emergency.

BDSM Collar Meaning: Temporary Ownership

Not all kinksters want to be in a 24/7 or lifetime BDSM relationship, but still want to go deeply into a Dominant or submissive headspace. For these people, a collar can serve as a sign of temporary ownership, whether for the length of a scene, a day, a weekend, or longer. However, when the collar comes off or the context changes, the ownership dynamic also ends or transitions back into an equal partnership.

Self-Collaring: A BDSM Collar Meaning “I Belong to Me”

I have a collar I bought for myself. When I wear it, it’s a reminder that I am owned by no-one but myself. My body, my choices, and my heart are mine. I might choose to give them away to trusted people for short amounts of time, but they always come back to me at the end. Self-collaring can be a reminder to be true to yourself, a way to access your submissive identity when you don’t have a dominant, a reminder to take care of yourself, and so much more.

Keeping a Connection and Closeness Alive with a Collar

Perhaps you’re in a long-distance or non-nesting relationship. Maybe you just want to feel close to your partner and keep your D/s dynamic alive when you’re not physically together. Regardless of your circumstances, wearing a collar can be a great way to do this. Many couples choose a day collar for this purpose, which can symbolise your relationship without raising any eyebrows in public.

Collars of Consideration or Training

Some people who practice formal BDSM relationships follow a series of steps leading up to permanent collaring. During this process, the submissive may wear a “training collar” or “collar of consideration” for a period of time before receiving their permanent collar. As with anything in a BDSM dynamic, negotiate the meaning of each collar clearly with your partner at every step of the process.

Collars as a Way of Getting Into a Headspace

Whatever your kinky headspace looks like, putting a collar on your submissive partner or having one put on you can be a “shortcut” to accessing that headspace. For people who play at events or parties, putting on the collar at the start of the night is often part of the getting-ready ritual.

Collars Signalling “Leave Me Alone, I’m Taken”

This isn’t foolproof, but I’ve found that if I’m attending a kink event unpartnered and I don’t want to be hit on, wearing a collar will significantly cut down on the unwanted attention I receive.

Because BDSM collars can have so many different meanings and not everyone is monogamous, people won’t necessarily assume that your collar means you’re unavailable. But at least some likely will. Think of it as the kinky equivalent of flashing a wedding ring when the creepy guy at the bar isn’t getting the hint.

No Deep Meaning: A Collar as a BDSM Tool

For some people, a collar is part of a scene that’s there for what it can do rather than what it means. This might mean attaching a leash to lead your submissive around a party, cuffing their hands to their collar to immobilise them, or using it to tug them in for a kiss.

Collars as Decorations or Fashion Accessories

Collars look pretty and can add a kinky twist to an outfit quickly and easily. I have one I love that was sent to me for review. It has no meaning attached to it and isn’t connected to any particular relationship. I wear it because I like how it looks.

Flagging Kinky in Public

The idea of flagging originates from the “hanky code”, which was pioneered by gay and bisexual men in the 1970s. Coloured handkerchiefs placed in certain positions are used to indicate interest in various sexual roles and practices. Flagging has come to refer more broadly to using outward symbols to subtly indicate your proclivities to other interested parties.

There are many spaces where, though they’re not kink-specific events, a lot of the participants will likely be kinky. Think adults’ LGBTQ+ community events, goth clubs, geek and sci-fi events, Renaissance Fairs, and so on. In these spaces, the meaning of a BDSM collar can be “hey, we have this thing in common!”. You might even make some new friends.

The Taboo Brighton Logo

This post was sponsored by Taboo Brighton. Taboo launched in 2003 and has established itself as a genre-defining Brighton retail experience. The store was awarded “Best Sex Shop in the UK” at the Erotic Trade Awards. It was also once described in The Guardian as the “Dolce and Gabbana of Sex Shops”. All views and writing are mine.

Header image for Bijoux Indiscrets Maze Choker/Collar review

[Kink Product Review] Bijoux Indiscrets Maze O-Ring Collar

Published on by Amy

Have you folks noticed that collars and chokers seem to be really trendy right now? Everywhere I look, femme folks are wearing bondage and kink-coded pieces like this vegan leather O-ring collar as fashion accessories. As a kinkster, this is both awesome (in that it makes it less noticeable to wear a collar in public) and really annoying (in that it makes it harder to spot each other in the wild.)

The line between what constitutes a choker and what constitutes a collar is… flimsy. Ultimately I think the distinction comes down to the meaning you ascribe to it. I was originally planning to say that a choker is a fashion accessory whereas a collar has symbolism attached, but this isn’t necessarily true. Regardless of what you call it, today’s review piece – this vegan leather O-ring collar/choker from Bijoux Indiscrets – is a thing of beauty.

The black faux leather Maze collar on my desk.

Ethically-Made Glamour?

Like every piece in Bijoux Indiscrets’ Maze collection of BDSM wear, this collar is made of faux leather made of polyurethane from recycled materials. This means it is both environmentally conscious and certified vegan! A major plus for those of us who love leather but feel weird about the animal cruelty implications of the real thing, yet are also concerned about the eco implications of plastic-based faux leathers. This is something I’ve grappled with in choosing between real leather and faux leather kink toys and fetishwear, because neither option feels entirely right or uncomplicated.

I suspect the real answer, here, is nuanced and based in harm reduction rather than perfection. Buy pieces you really love, buy the best quality you can afford, and use or wear them for years. At the time of revising and updating this post, I’ve had this collar for over seven years and it’s still going strong and looking beautiful.

I particularly love the Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE range because their faux leather looks and feels so close to the real thing. (It doesn’t, however, have the same smell, so be aware of that if scent is an important part of leather kink for you.) After wearing my Bijoux MAZE collar over and over, I’ve also noticed that it has somewhat “broken in” to my body and become slightly softer and more supple over time, though obviously not to the same extent as real leather.

Bijoux Indiscrets O-Ring Collar/Choker: Simple, Elegant and Comfortable

There are all kinds of elaborate, ornate and fancy collars available. However, sometimes elegant simplicity is what’s called for. The Maze O-ring collar/choker is a slender black band with a simple ring at the front, which is both decorative and functional (ideal for attaching a leash, for example!)

When I first wrote this review, the Maze O-ring collar was also available in brown. Sadly, that one seems to have discontinued.

The Maze collar is also super comfortable and easy to wear. On its first outing, I wore it all evening at a party, and it was so comfy that we were half way through our two hour drive home before I remembered I was still wearing it. I have to tell you, this collar plus a Doxy t-shirt is the ultimate in “post-sex-party chic.”

One Size Fits Most

I really like the simple fastening mechanism on this collar. Instead of a buckle, you close it by poking a small peg through one of the holes. This makes it easy to put on and take off by myself, without needing any help. The downside is that it is not lockable, so if you’re after a collar that can be locked into place, this is not the one. The Bijoux Indiscrets O-ring collar is adjustable from a minimum circumference of 12.2″ up to a maximum of 16.14″, to fit the vast majority of wearers.

Bijoux Indiscrets O-Ring Choker: The Perfect Everyday Collar

I adore not only this collar but the entire range. Pair your Maze choker with a leash and cuffs for kinky play, with a harness for bondage-inspired glamour, or with some nipple pasties for burlesque-style sex appeal.

The Maze choker/collar retails for $30/£23, making it one of the less expensive pieces in the Maze collection. Eco-conscious, bondage-inspired beauty at an affordable price.

Thank you to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me this piece to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are mine.