Tag: sex toys

Header image for a review of the Je Joue MiMi

[Toy Review] Je Joue MiMi

Published on by Amy

If you’ve been reading my reviews for any amount of time, you will understand that serious power is a big deal for me when it comes to vibrators. I’ve heard Je Joue‘s toys referenced on multiple occasions as being good picks for power fans, but this is the first time I’ve got to try one out for myself. This week, The Pleasure Garden sex toy shop sent me the Je Joue MiMi to review.

Je Joue Mimi: Sex Toy Details

The Je Joue MiMi is a small (8.2 x 5cm), pebble-shaped silicone clitoral vibrator weighing just 78g. It’s so small, in fact, it sits comfortably in my palm. The MiMi is rechargeable via a magnetic USB cable. It is also waterproof and submersible.

Je Joue Mimi sex toy in its box
Image: Je Joue

Made from soft body-safe silicone, the MiMi is available in purple, pink, lilac, and black. It superficially looks quite similar to the Lovehoney Desire Clitoral Vibrator, but (spoiler alert) it’s way better.

In Use

As soon as I turned this petite little sex toy on in the palm of my hand, I knew I was going to be impressed with the Je Joue MiMi. Even on the lowest setting, the vibrations felt impressively rumbly.

Je Joue Mimi pebble vibrator in pink
Je Joue Mimi pebble vibrator in purple

Images: Je Joue

When I pressed this toy to my clit, I reached orgasm in less than a minute. Granted, there was some significant warm-up involved, but even so this is an impressive feat. It has 5 vibration patterns and 5 levels of intensity, starting with that low rumble I mentioned and building up to some impressively powerful higher settings.

The Je Joue MiMi has a pretty intuitive and standard sex toy interface, with three buttons: one to turn it on and turn the intensity up, one to turn it off and turn the intensity down, and one to change pattern. Major points for dual-directional controls given that I am constantly complaining about single-button interfaces and how annoying they are. I will say that the buttons are pretty small, so if you’re visually impaired or struggle with manual dexterity this might be a downside for you.

The MiMi has 5 patterns and 5 speeds, allowing you to mix and match to your preferences. I hate patterns (seriously, does anyone like patterns?) As usual, I tried them for about thirty seconds then went “nope” and switched back to a constant speed.

The intensity is really where the MiMi shines. Very few sex toys that I’ve tried can match the MiMi in terms of the small-size-to-good-motor ratio.

With that said, the Je Joue MiMi is definitely a broad stimulation toy. If you prefer very precise or pinpoint sensations, skip this one. For all-over rumbles without the bulk of a wand, though, it’s a great pick.

Je Joue MiMi Sex Toy Review: Verdict

Simple yet elegant, the Je Joue MiMi is an excellent little vibrator.

The Je Joue MiMi is available from retailers such as Good Vibes, Babeland, Sex Toys UK, Shevibe, and Lovehoney US.

Thank you to The Pleasure Garden for sending me the MiMi to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are my own.

Heart shaped gift box with a vibrator and pair of pink handcuffs. Header for a post about buying your lover a sex toy for Valentine's Day

Sex Toys for Valentine’s Day Gifts: Yes or No?

Published on by Amy

Flowers and chocolates might be the most traditional tokens of love on February 14th, but have you ever thought about sex toys for Valentine’s Day gifts for your lover instead?

I love Valentine’s Day. And look, I know I probably shouldn’t. I know it’s a manufactured and over-commercialised holiday. But at the end of the day, it gives me an excuse to surprise my loved ones… and to wear a bunch of pink, girly, sparkly shit with hearts all over it. (Who am I kidding? I do that all year round.)

But if you’re looking for sexy gift ideas, should you give your partner(s) or lover(s) sex toys for Valentine’s Day?

Sex Toy Gifts: Yay or Nay?

I’m going to say yes… with caveats.

First of all, please only even think about doing this for established sexual partners[*]. Giving your sweetie a vibrator can be cute and flirtatious. Giving one to your office crush (or – and I swear to God I saw this happen once – putting one in the office Secret Santa) is creepy as fuck sexual harassment.

In the right context, I think sex toys can be fabulous gifts. And the right context for that is:

  • You’re in some kind of established sexual relationship with the person[*]
  • You have checked in and established that sexualised gifts are welcome
  • You know they either like sex toys or are interested in trying them
  • You have a good enough understanding of their needs, likes, dislikes, preferences, and fantasies to pick out something with reasonable certainty that they’ll like it

If all of those things are true? Read on.

[*] There are very occasional exceptions to this, in that some non-sexual friendships are close and intimate enough that this wouldn’t be weird. There are definitely friends in my life I’d buy sex toys for and vice versa. But if you’re not extremely certain that this is the kind of friendship you have, you probably don’t. If in doubt, err on the side of getting them something safer.

Buying Sex Toys for Valentine’s Day: How to Do It Right

So you’ve decided that you do want to buy your partner, sweetie, or lover a sex toy for Valentine’s Day. How do you know what to choose? With so many thousands of products out there, all of them promising orgasms for days, which one should you buy for your sexy someone? These are a few of my simple shopping tips.

Tap Into What You Know About Their Preferences

Does your partner enjoy penetration, and if so do they prefer large or small insertables? Are they more into girth or length? Does she need really intense clitoral stimulation to get off? Are they all about their cock, or super into anal play? Do they love dual stimulation of two or more erogenous zones at once, or prefer to focus on one thing at a time? You need to know these sorts of basic things about your lover’s body and sexual preferences before you can successfully buy them a toy.

Aesthetic preferences matter for a lot of people, too. Would your partner like a realistic dildo, or is something colourful and sparkly more their vibe? How do they feel about fantasy aesthetics? Some people love pink, others hate it.

This stuff isn’t that hard to learn when you’re in an intimate relationship with someone. You just need to be paying attention and asking the right questions.

Finally, don’t forget about the practicalities of the toy you’re thinking of buying. They probably wouldn’t thank you for a 42lb sex doll if they live in a tiny apartment or a vibrator that sounds like a plane taking off (or a lawnmower) if they have nosy roommates.

Their Preferences, Not Yours

If there’s one mistake that I see people make more than any other when choosing sex toys for Valentine’s Day or any other gifting occasion, it’s this: instead of buying something their partner will love, they buy something they like the idea of their partner using.

There’s no point buying them a super large or extra-long dildo if they’re all about clitoral stimulation. You might like the idea of anal sex, but if they’re not into it then even the best butt plugs aren’t going to see any action. Perhaps tentacles turn you on but turn them right off.

This is a gift for them, so centre them and their needs.

Ask For Advice

People who work in adult retail and the sex toy industry are generally pretty knowledgeable. Why not go into your local sex toy shop or get in touch with your favourite retailer and ask for some buying guidance?

You’ll need to put in the work here. “What toy should I buy for my husband?” or “what are the best toys for women?” is far too vague for you to get any useful information. But narrow it down a bit and say something like, “I’m looking for a non-realistic insertable toy that also has powerful vibrations”, and you’ll get somewhere useful.

Hell, if you want, contact me and tell me a little about your budget, your needs, and the person you’re shopping for and I’ll send you a free recommendation (buying me a coffee to say thanks or shopping with my affiliate links is highly appreciated but not mandatory!)

If In Doubt, Ask

You can simply ask your partner overtly, if you want. “I was thinking I’d love to buy you a new sex toy for Valentine’s Day. Would you be into that? Is there anything you’ve got your eye on?” A lot of people would happily sacrifice the surprise element in exchange for giving or receiving the ideal gift.

Of course, you might want the gift to be a surprise. If so, you’ll have to do some subtler sleuthing. Bring up the idea of toys when the two of you are talking about fantasies, desires, and new things to try. If you ever browse sex shops together or look at toys online, see what sorts of things they gravitate towards.

Still Not Sure? Get a Gift Card.

Most sex shops, both brick-and-mortar and online, sell gift cards. If you’re not sure what your partner would like, a voucher for a reputable sex shop is a great way to give them the gift of sex toys for Valentine’s Day without having to guess.

This way, they can go and pick something out solo or you can make it a fun and sexy date activity.

If you’re looking for a sexy gift you can enjoy together that’s not a toy, something like couples’ chocolate is a great option. It’s an experience and a physical present all in one.

Pro Tip: Proceed With Caution with Prepackaged “Gift Bundles”

When I wrote an earlier draft of this post, I told people looking to buy sex toys for Valentine’s Day that they should skip bundles and kits altogether. Happily, these seem to have generally improved in the last few years so I’m updating this post to say that you don’t necessarily need to avoid them. They can offer variety and value for money. However, I still say you should proceed carefully.

A sex toy kit can be a good choice if you’re new to toys and not sure what to pick, or if you happen to be after two or more things and can find them bundled together. If you and your partner are curious about or new to BDSM, a BDSM starter kit can be a fun, sexy gift to start off your explorations together.

If you’re choosing a product bundle or sex toy kit, make sure that everything in it is body-safe. Avoid toxic materials and choose only body-safe options like silicone, stainless steel, or glass. Compare prices, too, to make sure you’re actually getting a good deal.

One Final Word of Caution on Buying Sex Toys for Valentine’s Day

Please, please, please don’t buy sex toys or kink gear from places like Amazon, Shein, Temu, and so on. You have almost no way of being sure that what you’re getting is genuine, and chances are high that it isn’t. In a broadly unregulated industry, there is no way to know what that $5 vibrator is made of but it probably isn’t anything good. And many unscrupulous companies ramp up their marketing of adult products on these sites around this time of year.

Also those companies commit gross labour rights violations (including the use of forced and child labour) and are killing the planet. So, you know, there’s that.

Some reputable companies do, unfortunately, insist on operating Amazon storefronts. But in general, the risk of getting an unsafe knock-off is so high that it’s just not worth it. Instead, visit your local women-owned or queer-owned sex shop, or check out the stores I recommend in the sidebar.

Affiliate links appear in this post. All opinions are, as always, my own!

Header image for Godemiche Ambit & Morpheus silicone dildos

[Toy Review] Godemiche Ambit & Morpheus Silicone Dildos

Published on by Amy

Godemiche is known for their fun and playful toys in bright, colourful, sparkly, and fun aesthetics. As they say: “we’re not trying to break the mold, but recolour it.” Godemiche sent me two of their bestselling silicone dildos, the Ambit and Morpheus, to test, compare, and review.

All Godemiche toys are made of body-safe silicone and available with various customisations to create a dildo that’s uniquely yours. You can choose one, two, or three colours from more than 30 options. Both my toys are in limited edition colourways that are sadly no longer available. However, I promise that any colour or combo you choose will be equally gorgeous and vibrant!

Godemiche Ambit Silicone Dildo

Godemiche Ambit in limited edition "Be My Valentine" colourway on a bed of rose petals

The Godemiche Ambit is available in three sizes. I received the 6″ version, which is the middle of three sizes. It measures 1.8″ in diameter at the widest point. The smaller size measures 5.2″ in length and 1.44″ in diameter, and the larger size measures 6.9″ in length and 1.83″ in diameter.

The Godemiche Ambit’s silicone is soft, matte, and flexible. It has a large, round base, which makes it harness-compatible and also anal-safe. The generous curve of the shaft and bulge at the head gives it a semi-realistic appearance. The tip’s angle is just right to deliver intense and focused G-spot stimulation.

I also found this dildo to be pretty much the perfect size for me. I’m not particularly into very large toys, and lengthy dildos in particular can be uncomfortable. I found the medium length and slimline shaft of the Ambit just about perfect.

From my perspective at least, the Godemiche Ambit is basically the perfect dildo. It’s the perfect size, the perfect shape, and comes in a myriad of fun and playful colours.

The Ambit retails from £34.99 for the small, £39.99 for the medium, and £44.99 for the large. Customisations increase the cost.

Godemiche Morpheus Silicone Dildo

Godemiche Morpheus green glittery silicone dildo

The Godemiche Morpheus is available in four sizes. I received the Morpheus Thin Small, which measures 5.5″ in insertable length and 1.2″ in diameter at the widest point. The Thin Medium measures 7″ in insertable length and 1.5″ in diameter. There’s also the Morpheus Thick, which comes in Small (5.5″ insertable/1.4″ diameter) and Medium (7″ insertable/2″ diameter). So whatever your length and girth preferences, you should be able to find a Morpheus to suit you.

I rarely gravitate towards girthy penetrative toys. I find that they cross the line from pleasurable to uncomfortable, or even painful, very quickly. When it comes to insertable toys, I’m all about direct and targeted G-spot stimulation. This means that slimline toys with a decent curve, such as the Godemiche Ambit or Morpheus, tend to be the way to go. The Morpheus’s slimline shaft is perfect for my body in this regard.

Green glitter dildo

Flexible dildo, green silicone dildo from Godemiche

This toy’s deep curve and bulbed head are also absolutely dreamy. The head is the ideal size for focused G-spot pressure, and the curve makes it easy to find the right spot. It’s also super flexible, which can help with comfortable insertion and positioning. Its flared base also makes it anal safe and harness-compatible.

Like the Ambit, the Morpheus is a genuinely excellent dildo and a worthy addition to Godemiche’s range and my collection.

The Morpheus retails from £39.99 for the small sizes, £44.99 for the Thin Medium, and £46.99 for the Thick Medium.

Ambit vs Morpheus: Which Should You Pick?

In general, the Godemiche Ambit and Morpheus are pretty similar dildos and they’re both absolutely excellent. Here’s what they look like next to each other:

Godemiche Ambit and Morpheus silicone dildo comparison

The most notable differences are that the Morpheus has a slightly more pronounced curve and a thinner shaft. Its head is also more gently tapered and less pronounced than the Ambit.

If you like a little more girth, go for the Godemiche Ambit or the Morpheus Thick. If curve is more important to you, choose the Morpheus. The Ambit is best for those who like a little more G-spot/prostate pressure or stimulation of the sensitive vaginal or anal opening, while the Morpheus is best for those who prefer a smoother and less intense insertion.

Thanks to Godemiche for sending me the Morpheus and Ambit to review. All views are, as ever, my own. Affiliate links appear within this post.

Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Mantric Wand

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Mantric Wand Vibrator

Published on by Amy

I love wands. They’re pretty much my favourite kind of toy. So of course, I jumped at the chance to test out the Mantric Wand from the Lovehoney Mantric range.

What is the Lovehoney Mantric Wand?

The Mantric Wand is a small rechargeable wand vibrator measuring 9.5″ long and with a head circumference of 5.4″. It has 7 modes or patterns of vibration, and each one can work on any of five speed settings. The handle has a slight curve and the head is the classic wand vibrator shape.

Lovehoney Mantric Wand, a black silicone wand vibrator with a curved handle
Images: Lovehoney
Lovehoney Mantric Wand, a black silicone wand vibrator with a curved handle

The Mantric Wand It is made of black silicone. It also features an LED light panel on one side of the handle which changes colour depending on which setting you’re on.

It is USB rechargeable, fully waterproof, has a travel-lock, and comes attractively packaged in an minimalistic brown cardboard box with the Mantric branding on the front. At first glance, the Mantric logo looks like an abstract mandala. Then, when you look closer, you see it’s made of penises and vulvas. Frankly, I’m into it.

The Lovehoney Mantric Wand In Use

Even though my most-reached-for toy is my Doxy ultra-powerful wand vibrator, it doesn’t always lend itself super well to being used on me by a partner. It’s so intense that it can quickly becomes painful if it’s even slightly in the wrong spot, and the size of the head makes that challenging. Smaller, rechargeable wands like the Mantric Wand can be a good in-between. It’s powerful enough to get me off, but not so powerful that absolute precision is required.

The Mantric Wand is very light, and the ergonomic handle and intelligent button placement makes it easy to hold and use. One gripe I have, though, is that turning it on is not intuitive at all. You have to press the middle of the three buttons, which puts it into “standby” mode, then press it again, then pick the setting you want. I’ll probably keep the instructions for this one because, if I don’t use it for a bit, I can see myself forgetting how to switch it on.

The second annoyance is that you can only change the settings one way. So if you skip past the one you want, you have to cycle all the way back through them all again.  You can change the speeds up or down, which is a plus, but in terms of changing the pattern it’s up up up only.

The Mantric Wand is waterproof and submersible. This makes it easy to clean and makes it suitable for use in the bath, if that’s your thing. There is a seam where the plastic band meets the head and handle, which could trap bacteria, so don’t neglect this area when you clean it. It also doesn’t come with a storage bag, which I would expect with a toy of this price-point.

In terms of intensity, the Mantric Wand isn’t bad for its price and size. The motor is reasonably rumbly at the lower levels, though it does get buzzier as you turn it up. This is a fine toy for those who like mid-level intensity but not one for those who crave high-powered rumbles.

Verdict

The Lovehoney Mantric wand £69.99/$79.99, which is a pretty middle-of-the-road price for a pretty middle-of-the-road toy. It’s fine but not amazing; I enjoyed using it but I’d like to see a second edition released to iron out some of the usability issues.

Heads up: affiliate links appear in this post Using them helps to support me and keep the blog going. Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this toy in exchange for an honest review. All opinions and writing are mine.

Three pink hearts on a red background, header for a post about how to be a good couple to threesome with

Threesome Tips: How to Be a Good Couple to Have a Threesome With

Published on by Amy4 Comments

Threesomes are amongst the most common sexual fantasies, but threesome tips often focus on how to find a third person to play with as an established couple. I wanted to take things in a slightly different direction with this threesome guide and instead focus on how, once you’ve found that person, you can be a good couple to have a threesome with.

In other words, how can you give them a great experience, treat your special guest star well, and end the night with everyone feeling good?

The Absolute Most Important Threesome Tip Of All: No Pressure

Pressure is the ultimate desire- and pleasure-killer. It’s a really bad idea to go into a threesome (or indeed any sexual experience) with an overly rigid idea of how you want it to go. This puts undue pressure on everyone. It’s especially unfair on an incoming third party, who may well be at a power disadvantage when playing with an established couple.

Don’t rush things. Don’t invite a potential playmate over with the goal that you must have a threesome and that anything else is a failure. Spend time getting to know the person, learn about what they’re into, ask what they’re hoping to get out of the experience, and talk about what kind of ongoing dynamic you all want to have, if any.

If things do progress to a sexy place, don’t make it a rush to tick off sex acts like you’re trying to round all the “bases” as quickly as possible. Making out, touching, groping, massage, hand sex, oral sex, and kinky play can all be amazing in and of themselves. Don’t rush to penetrative sex, or even assume that penetrative sex is on the table at all.

Before You Have a Threesome, Get Your House In Order

No, I don’t mean your physical house, though tidying up before you have a date over is a nice and courteous thing to do. I’m talking about the house of your relationship.

What’s the only thing more awkward than being in the middle of a couple having a fight? Being in bed with a couple having a fight. It is tremendously unfair to bring another person into your dynamic, even casually, if your relationship is on rocky ground. My top threesome tip to couples having problems? Don’t do it. Wait until things have stabilised.

Before you take your threesome plans to reality, discuss your feelings in depth with your partner. Talk about any insecurities or jealousies that might come up, and plan for how you’ll handle it if they do. Your plan should focus on kindness and compassion towards everyone, including the third person. “Well we can just kick her out if one of us gets jealous” is neither a solid plan nor an ethical way to treat a human being.

“Relationship broken, add more people” is a cliche because so many couples try to do it… and it never, ever ends well.

Good Threesome Sex Tip: Approach It As a Collaboration, Not a Service

Too many threesome guides focus exclusively on the couple and seem to forget that there are three humans involved, not two humans and a toy. Good sex is a collaboration, a dance between equals. Everyone should be free to both give and receive pleasure The goal should always be mutual enjoyment satisfaction for all parties, not just the established couple.

Your threesome buddy may not be a fully fledged member of your ongoing relationship, but they are a fully fledged member of whatever dynamic the three of you are creating together. Even if the sex is casual, they are not a life-size sex doll! They’re a person with their own wants, needs, desires and feelings, and those deserve to be honoured.

Check in with everyone involved early and often, and make enthusiastic and ongoing consent your minimum standard. If you’re not absolutely 1000% sure you have consent for something, always ask. “Ruining the mood” is a myth. A good time will never be ruined by checking on consent, but it can easily be ruined by overstepping someone’s boundaries.

I hope it goes without saying that no means no, and you should never push someone to do something if they don’t want to.

Safer Sex Tips for Threesomes

Safer sex is essential, and you should never go into a threesome (or any sexual encounter) without thinking about and discussing it.

Ideally, this discussion should happen while clothes are still on, long before any sex happens, but it can happen in the moment if necessary (for example, if your threesome evolves spontaneously.)

Everyone should disclose their testing status, their safer-sex protocols, the method(s) of birth control they’re using if relevant, and any other relevant information such as allergies.

Safer sex is at least as much your responsibility as a couple as it is the third party’s responsibility! Everyone is responsible for looking out for their own and their intimate partners’ sexual health.

By the way: if you’re using toys in your threesome, read my guide to sex toys, STIs, and sharing toys safely.

What Do You Need? Have It On Hand

Ensure that your stash of condoms, lube, gloves, dams and any other relevant safer sex supplies is well-stocked and easily reachable. If you might want to use toys, make sure they’re close by (and charged, if applicable!)

Water, snacks, blankets, extra pillows, and towels are also useful things to have on hand.

Make An Aftercare Plan

Most threesome tips forget this part: what happens afterwards?

Will your threesome buddy stay over, or would they prefer to go home afterwards? How will they get home safely? If they do stay, would they prefer to sleep with you both or in a separate bed? What do they like to eat and drink in the morning? If they’re going home, would they like you to check in the following day?

Make sure there’s time to cuddle, debrief if necessary, and make sure everyone is okay and has everything they need after sex. Offer, and ask for, reassurance and affection freely as needed.

And that’s it! I can’t guarantee you’ll have an amazing threesome if you follow the tips in this guide, but you’ll be safe in the knowledge that you’re treating your very special guest star with the respect, compassion and consideration they deserve.

If you enjoyed this post, you can buy me a coffee to say thanks.

White woman with brown hair ls lying on a bed smiling and holding a pink vibrator. Header for a post about vibrator addiction and sex toy addiction

Vibrator Addiction: No, You Cannot Get Addicted to a Sex Toy

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Vibrator addiction (or sex toy addiction more generally) is the less common but equally insidious sibling of “sex addiction”, and it’s equally nonsensical if not more so. I don’t believe sex addiction exists; it’s either a convenient excuse for bad behaviour, or driven by shame (usually religious in nature.) Dr David Ley has done some fantastic work on debunking the myth of sex addiction from a clinical perspective, so do check out his writing if you’re interested in learning more.

But this post is about vibrator addiction, sex toy addiction, and the general concept that you can become “addicted” to a sex toy.

You can’t.

I’m here to clear up this myth once and for all, because I’m sick of telling people that it’s really okay if they use their sex toy every day. Yes, even if it’s the only way they can orgasm. Yes, even if they use it multiple times a day!

First: What Do We Mean By “Vibrator Addiction”

When people talk about vibrator addiction or sex toy addiction, they usually mean one of two things:

  1. They’re scared of becoming so reliant on their toys that they won’t be able to orgasm any other way
  2. They’re worried that there is something wrong with them because of how much or how often they masturbate – that they’re sex addicts, nymphomaniacs, and so on.

Neither of these things is an addiction in the clinical sense, which refers to – according to the Cleveland Clinic – “a chronic (lifelong) condition that involves compulsive seeking and taking of a substance or performing of an activity despite negative or harmful consequences.”

Using a sex toy, even using one very regularly, is not compulsive, nor is it likely to have negative or harmful consequences. Masturbation, orgasm, and sex toys are not harmful (as long as you’re using body-safe toys.) In fact, they can be tremendously beneficial. You can’t misuse or abuse a sex toy in the same way you can, for example, alcohol or drugs.

If you find that you’re regularly masturbating to avoid dealing with difficult feelings, or doing it so much that other aspects of your life (such as work, friendships, or relationships) are being negatively impacted, you might want to consider seeing a sex positive therapist. However, I still don’t believe this constitutes a “sex toy addiction.” It’s also pretty rare. It is far, far more likely that what you’re dealing with isn’t a vibrator addiction, but good old fashioned sexual shame.

Addiction is a serious medical problem with causes major issues for both the sufferer and their loved ones. Addiction can kill. No-one, to the best of my knowledge, has ever turned to crime, alienated their family and friends, lost their job, run themselves into debt, or died because their Magic Wand just felt too good and gave them too many orgasms.

Minimising the very real pain of addiction and co-opting it as a sex-shaming tactic is incredibly insensitive and harmful to anyone who has been impacted by it.

Will I Break, Stretch, or Loosen My Vagina If I Use Toys Too Much?

No.

Genitals are fucking cool, y’all. They do not break or wear out from overuse.

Case in point: Millions of people give birth every year, which puts far more strain on the vulva and vagina than even the most hardcore of sex toys, and those people’s bodies bounce back just fine. I think the myth of toys stretching out a vagina irrevocably is closely associated with the (false and misogynistic) notion that too much sex causes a “loose” vagina. It fails to neglect the medical reality that the vagina is a muscle and muscles Do Not Work That Way.

You cannot break your genitals by enjoying sex toys. You can’t permanently stretch or loosen your vagina. It won’t mold around a toy and become unable to enjoy anything else. It won’t break, get addicted to one single type of stimulation, or become unable to enjoy other types of pleasure in the future. I promise!

Can Using Vibrators Cause Permanent Desensitisation?

No.

There is also no evidence whatsoever that prolonged or repeated usage of vibrators, even really high-powered ones, causes any long-term loss of sensation in the clitoris or vulva. At most, some people report feeling desensitized for a short while after a session of using a toy. This is especially common with buzzier toys, which can cause the dreaded “numbed out clit” effect. However, these effects are short-lived (typically minutes to hours at most) and cause no long-term damage or change in sensativity.

I’ve probably had, on average, something like ten orgasms a week with a vibrator for the last decade. The slightest flick of a partner’s tongue over my clit can still make me shiver. Toys will not harm your nerves or ruin your sensitivity permanently. Really liking using your toys does not constitute a sex toy addiction, and using a vibrator cannot permanently alter your sensitivity even if you use it every day.

Tangential but related: if you experience genital pain after using a sex toy, it could be any of the following:

  • You used a toy made from a toxic material
  • You used a toy made from a material you’re sensitive to
  • You didn’t use enough (or any) lube
  • You used a lube with toxic ingredients (or ingredients you’re sensitive to)
  • You didn’t warm yourself up enough, or weren’t aroused enough before you started
  • It’s just your body’s response to a new stimulus that it’s not used to (a bit like your muscles aching the next day if you do a new form of exercise!)

Do I Have a Vibrator Addition If Using a Toy is the Only Way I Can Orgasm?

I’m going to say something truly radical now. Stay with me.

If using a vibrator is the only or the most reliable way for you to reach orgasm, follow these steps:

  1. Use the vibrator
  2. Enjoy your orgasms
  3. Don’t worry about it

Orgasms are great. We should all be having as many of them as we wish. There are countless ways to reach orgasm. Not all of them work for everyone, and all of them are equally valid. The only requirement for a “good” orgasm? That everyone inducing or experiencing it is consenting. That’s literally it.

Reaching orgasm more quickly with a vibrator is normal. Only reaching orgasm with a vibrator is normal. Using a vibrator every time you want to get off isn’t a “vibrator addiction,” it’s a physical preference.

Some people with vulvas (and their partners) spend their entire lives chasing the elusive vaginal-only orgasm. The reality, though, is that the overwhelming majority of people’s bodies don’t work that way. Many people feel slighted if they can’t get their partner off without the aid of a toy. Some will wonder if their partner’s toy usage is to blame. It’s not; people and bodies are just different.

I encourage everyone to experiment with different kinds of pleasure to find what feels good for them. This can and probably will change over time. That’s normal too. Using toys can broaden, rather than narrowing, your experience of pleasure and the ways in which you can enjoy your body.

But when people message me to ask, “Dear Amy, please help, the only way I can reliably orgasm is by doing this thing”, my answer is very likely to be “….then do that thing.”

I’m Worried My Partner’s Sex Toy Addiction Will Replace Me

A lot of people are afraid that they, or their partners, will find the stimulation they get from a toy to be so overwhelmingly amazing that they won’t have any need for partnered sex in the future.

Again, this fear is not remotely evidence-based. In fact, I’ve found that the opposite is more often true. Many people find that exploring their sexuality through toys increases their potential for erotic enjoyment and therefore improves the partnered sex they have.

A toy, however much you love it, cannot be a substitute for a partner. Companies that use terms like “battery operated boyfriend” or “the perfect lover” to describe toys have a lot to answer for. So does that stupid scene in Sex & the City. Until a toy is sentient, shows up for me emotionally, makes me laugh, snuggles me at night, watches Netflix with me, takes me on adventures and brings me coffee, it is NOT a boyfriend/lover/partner. It’s an inanimate object, a tool through which to experience pleasure.

Don’t shame your partner if they enjoy using toys. Don’t accuse them of having a vibrator addiction, and don’t try to make their toys your competition. It’s not necessary. Toys can’t replace people.

“Vibrator Addiction” is a Misogynistic Shaming Tactic and Nothing More

The false notion of sex toy addiction adds to the stigma of masturbation and sexual pleasure. It’s also rooted in misogyny, since the accusation of having a vibrator addiction is pretty much always thrown at women and people with vulvas. It has no medical, psychological, or evidence-based foundation.

Let’s stop it and allow people to have orgasms in the ways that work for them.

Header image for the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee review

[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Queen Bee

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Update 01/03/2021: The Hot Octopuss Queen Bee vibrator is no longer available and has been replaced by the massively improved Pulse Queen. I normally remove obsolete reviews but I’ve left this one up because I think it provides important context on how Hot Octopuss’s vulva toys have evolved.

What is the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee?

I’ve been wanting to try the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee ever since I saw the prototype at Eroticon. With the Queen Bee, HO has created a toy for vulvas using the same “PulsePlate” technology as their revolutionary Pulse toys for penis-owners.

In HO’s own words: “Unlike conventional sex toys, the Queen Bee uses a ‘piston’-type mechanism in order to generate extremely deep and rumbly oscillations.” Basically, the Queen Bee is not strictly a vibrator. It oscillates rather than vibrates.

The Queen Bee is a dark steely grey and looks a bit like a weird, futuristic hairbrush. It’s not a beautiful or even a pretty toy. Its vibe screams “I mean business and I am not here to be decorative.”

Hot Octopuss Queen Bee hairbrush-shaped sex toy with the official packaging
Image: Hot Octopuss

It is made of TPE, which is usually a porous material. However, Hot Octopuss uses medical-grade, non-porous TPE that can be thoroughly sanitised. When I asked my contact about this, they provided a thorough and informative info sheet. This transparency, combined with Dangerous Lilly’s endorsement, gives me enough confidence to say that this toy is made of a body-safe material.

Hot Octopuss Queen Bee Oscillating Vibrator: What I Liked

As a lover of broad and rumbly clitoral stimulation, I was pretty excited to try out the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee. Before I delve into all my issues with this product, let’s look at the things I did like.

  • It’s new and innovative. In an industry where stolen designs, knock-offs and fakes are a constant issue, it is refreshing to see genuine innovation.
  • I find the Queen Bee’s controls reasonably easy and intuitive to use. It has 4 buttons: On/Off, pattern change, speed up and speed down. They’re easy to press and I found it easy to change the setting mid-use without breaking my flow.
  • It has six different settings (constant oscillations and five different patterns) as well as multiple speed options to choose from.
  • It’s very rumbly, especially on the lower speeds.
  • It’s fully waterproof.

Perhaps most importantly, the Queen Bee can get me off (though I need the highest setting to get there, and it’s a slow process.)

What I Didn’t Like

Hot Octopuss Queen Bee with button panel on back showing
Image: Hot Octopuss

Unfortunately, despite its cool tech and innovative design, this is where things started to go sideways with the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating vibrator. Here are all the things I didn’t like about it:

  • The oscillations almost completely stop when I press it firmly against my vulva. The sensation was much stronger and more satisfying when I held it very lightly. That’s a pretty big problem if you like pressure or being able to push against a toy in use!
  • It has a huge seam where the oscillating plate joins the rest of the toy. Fluids and bacteria could easily get trapped here, leading me to seriously question this product’s hygiene over time.
  • The material isn’t very smooth and has a very grabby texture.
  • It’s advertised as having a “gentle warm up massage” sensation if you use the back of the toy (opposite the PulsePlate) but unless you have an unusually sensitive clit you probably won’t feel anything. Pitching this as a “feature” is a stretch at best.
  • My God this thing is loud! I don’t really need discretion in my toy use, but certain types and volumes of noise tend to sensorily overwhelm me. And seriously, this fucker is enragingly loud. If you’re easily distracted by noise, skip it. If you live with other people and need a discreet toy, skip it.
  • A full charge takes four hours and only gives around an hour of runtime.

Hot Octopuss Queen Bee: Verdict

Meh? I was hoping for more from this, given the amazing reviews of HO’s toys for penises. Though I didn’t hate the Queen Bee as much as some reviewers, I certainly didn’t love it as much as I wanted to. I expect I’ll use it occasionally when I’m in a very specific mood but it’s unlikely to be a regular go-to.

Skip this one if you don’t love very broad stimulation, if you need pressure, or if you want a quieter toy.

Thank you to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Queen Bee oscillating vibrator in exchange for an honest review. This post contains affiliate links.

Header image for the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation review

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation

Published on by Amy

Every time I review or indeed use a Satisfyer toy now, I end up with “Satisfied” from Hamilton going around in my head. Of course, this means I really want a musical theatre parody about sex toys. Anyone want to write this for/with me? In the meantime, it’s time for a Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation review.

The first time I tried to write a Satisfyer Pro 2 review, I couldn’t understand what all the fuss for this much-hyped toy was about. Looking back now, I’m not sure if I was just doing it wrong (for the value of “wrong” that means “in a way that didn’t work for my body”) or if the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation is just that great of an improvement on the original. Either way, I tried the Pro 2 Next Generation and – spoiler alert! – I loved it!

Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation Review: Details

For anyone who isn’t familiar with Satisfyer’s suction toys, they utilise something called “pressure wave stimulation”. Essentially, you put the nozzle end around your clitoris and the stimulation comes from rapid air pulses rather than vibrations. Some vulva-owners say this type of stimulation can make them come in less than a minute. Others describe it as like having the orgasm forcibly ripped from their body.

Some people describe these toys as “oral sex simulators,” but I think that’s mostly marketing hype. I don’t think it’s truly possible to replicate the sensation of cunnilingus with a sex toy with the technology we have available at present.

The Satisfyer Pro 2, for a product review
Image: Satisfyer

The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation has a plastic body and a silicone nozzle. It is a lovely rose gold colour and has the name of the company embossed on the body. The nozzle is detachable, making it easy to sterilise, and you can purchase more if you need to. This toy is rechargeable and waterproof.

The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation has a slightly bigger nozzle than the Satisfyer Pro Penguin, which I recently tested and which retails for a similar price-point. If you have a larger clitoris or like a slightly larger area stimulated, the Pro 2 Next Generation would be a better choice over the Penguin (whereas I’d recommend you choose the Penguin if you prefer a bit more of a pinpoint sensation.)

Satisfyer Pro 2 Review: In Use

It took a little practice to position the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation in the right spot for my body. If you’re new to suction toys, be prepared for a little experimentation. Once it’s in the right place, though, the soft and cushy silicone of the nozzle makes this a comfortable toy to use.

One of the most noticeable improvements to the Next Generation model over the original, in my view, is how much easier the buttons are to press! I found the buttons on the previous version frustratingly sticky and difficult to press. It’s also much quieter than the previous iteration. The other major improvement is the addition of dual-directional controls. This means you no longer have to cycle through all 11 speed settings to get back to the previous one.

Unlike vibrators, my go-to MO with suction toys isn’t just “ramp up to max and leave it there.” Even the lower settings of the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation are pleasurable, and I often don’t need to go to the highest setting to get off.

Verdict

With some major issues from the original model ironed out, the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation is an excellent clitoral suction toy.

The Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation is available from Sex Toys UK.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this product to review. All views are, as always, my own. Purchasing through the affiliate links in this post helps to support the blog.

We-Vibe Tango review header image

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Tango

Published on by Amy

Update 02/03/22: The We-Vibe Tango has been replaced by the new and improved Tango X and Tango 2 vibes. I normally remove obsolete reviews but I have left this We-Vibe Tango review up to show the evolution of this product.

Info & Details

Reviews of the We-Vibe Tango often say that it’s the strongest bullet vibrator currently on the market. The Tango is small, measuring only 3.5″ in length and about 0.75″ in diameter. It’s the standard “lipstick” bullet shape with a small flattened edge at the top leading to a point.

We-Vibe Tango small plastic lipstick vibrators in pink and blue
Image: We-Vibe

The We-Vibe Tango is USB rechargeable with a battery life of around 90 minutes, waterproof, and comes with a drawstring storage bag. It is made of ABS (hard) plastic and available in pink or blue.

We-Vibe Tango Review: In Use

I could just say “the We-Vibe Tango is a fucking great product” and leave it there. Because it is. But let’s get a little more in-depth.

This baby is seriously powerful and seriously rumbly. I particularly love how the plastic body of the toy enhances the rumbles and doesn’t dampen the power of the motor at all. (If this sounds like too much for you and you’d prefer your vibrations to be somewhat dampened by a layer of silicone, the We-Vibe Touch is a great option!)

The Tango is super light and tiny, fitting neatly in my hand. Its single button on the base is easy to press. The single-button interface is kind of annoying – you can only scroll through the settings one way, i.e. you can’t go back a step without flicking through them all first. However, the Tango does have a useful memory function: whichever setting you’re using when you switch the toy off, it will return to that same setting when you switch it back on. There are four constant speeds and four patterns.

This seems like a really petty gripe when this We-Vibe Tango review is so positive, but I need to say it: it bugs me that this toy is advertised as “for solo play.” I mean, sure, it’s definitely great for that. But it’s also great for use with a partner, or several. Just as literally any toy can be “for couples,” any toy can also be used for solo sex. Let’s not get prescriptive in how people use toys.

We-Vibe Tango Review: Verdict

I now understand why so many people rave about this toy. I cannot overstate how utterly excellent it is. It is certainly going to be my go-to for a small, light, travel-friendly and powerful as hell vibe.

The We-Vibe Tango retails for £54.99 at the time of writing. It’s definitely on the higher end of the price range for a bullet vibrator, but I think it’s worth it. It is so superior in quality to the overwhelming majority of superficially-similar toys on the market. It also comes with a one-year warranty.

I bought this toy for myself and did not receive anything in exchange for this We-Vibe Tango review. This post does contain affiliate links and if you buy through one, I make a small commission. All views are mine.

Header image for a review of the Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation

Published on by Amy

My first attempts at using clitoral suction toys were pretty lacklustre. That’s probably why the Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation has been sitting on top of my pile of “to review” sex toys for the last two weeks, trying to guilt me into actually testing it. But test it I finally did, so let’s do a Satisfyer Pro Penguin review!

Cute little thing, isn’t he? I showed Mr C&K the toy without telling him its name, and he immediately exclaimed, “It looks like a penguin!” So I guess, name-wise, it does what it says on the tin.

Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation: Basics

Like all Satisfyer clitoral suction toys toys, the Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation uses a suction nozzle and pressure waves of air to stimulate the clitoris without actually touching it. This provides an intense sensation without the numbing effect that some buzzy vibrators can cause.

Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation clitoral suction toy in original packaging
Image: Satisfyer

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation is waterproof and USB rechargeable. Its nozzle is silicone, and the body is ABS plastic. The nozzle is removeable, which makes cleaning a breeze.

Aesthetically, it’s cute and all but also… a bit baffling? I really wish I’d been a fly on the wall at the marketing meeting where someone said, “we’ve got this brilliant new sex toy technology. You know what would make this product even better? Let’s make it look like a PENGUIN!” Still, the sheer cuteness makes it non-threatening, which some beginners will appreciate, and I find its little bow-tie hilarious, so let’s run with it.

My first reaction upon switching the Penguin on was that it’s a little loud. But the sound is dampened significantly once the nozzle of the toy is against the body.

In Use

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation is small and not too heavy. The shape of the body means it fit nicely into my much-smaller-than-average hand. The main button on the front switches the toy on and off as well as controlling the speed, and is nice and easy to press. A really nice feature this toy has is the ability to turn it down as well as up without cycling through all the settings.

Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation clitoral suction toy
Image: Satisfyer

When I first turned the Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation up to its max setting, I initially assumed it wouldn’t do anything for me. Chalk that up to my relative lack of experience with suction toys, because I was wrong. Remember: it’s not a vibrator. It works differently.

To begin with, I must admit I was underwhelmed. Pleasant sensations one second became too intense – so intense as to be painful – remarkably quickly. It’s so precise that the slightest shift in position threw me off my game. This is definitely a toy that takes some practice.

What I learned, though, is that it’s all about positioning with this one. Being even slightly off can alter the entire experience. Personally, having it all the way over my clitoral glans is way too intense for me. Over the hood is the sweet spot. The sensation is something between a suck and a caress.

My advice when you’re using a suction toy like the Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation, particularly if you’re new to them, is to try to throw out your assumptions about how they’re “supposed” to work and what your body likes. These toys might feel superficially a bit like vibrators, but they’re actually quite different. Expect a learning curve accordingly.

Satisfyer Penguin Review: Verdict

A fun and playful toy that requires some experimentation, but ultimately delivers on performance as well as cuteness.

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation is available from retailers such as The Pleasure Garden, Good Vibes, Babeland, and Sex Toys UK.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are my own! Affiliate links appear in this post.