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Header image for review of Bondage Seductions sex game for couples

[Game Review] “Bondage Seductions”

Published on by Amy

There are a number of things that are consistently more appealing in theory than in reality. One such concept? Sex games. Buckle in, folks, it’s time to review Bondage Seductions, a BDSM/bondage card game made by Kheper Games and sold by Lovehoney.

Bondage Seductions: Where to Begin With This Mess of a Card Game?

Bondage Seductions is a sex card game for couples. In the box, you’ll find:

  • 36 game cards
  • A pair of silky “ties” (lengths of ribbon)
  • 2 dice
  • A red elasticated blindfold
  • A mini rubber flogger
Bondage Seductions sex game box

The quality of these items is… Not Great. The flogger looks shoddily made and the materials look and feel cheap. The cards contain the same copy in four languages (English, German, French, and Spanish.) I can’t speak for any of the other languages, but the English passages are poorly written and feature frequent typos and weird syntax. Clearly nobody proofread this before whacking it through Google Translate and publishing it.

The rules are simple: roll the 2 dice, and choose the corresponding numbered card (they are numbered 1-1 through 6-6. The red die indicates the first number, the black die the second number.)

Contents of Bondage Seductions couples sex game

Cards in red are “for her to read,” and cards in black are “for him to read” (more on that in a minute.) You read your chosen scenario and then act it out, using the included props as appropriate.

Everything That’s Wrong with This Game

First, Bondage Seductions gets its terminology egregiously wrong. “Bondage” is not a synonym for “BDSM” or “kinky sex”. Bondage is one specific kink: restraining other people and/or being restrained. This game should be called Kinky Seductions or something, because most of it doesn’t involve bondage.

The game also continually uses the word “whip” to describe a flogger. Again, they’re completely different implements! The two words are not synonymous. This is a whip. This is a flogger. The item in this game is a flogger, admittedly a shit excuse for one.

This isn’t me arguing semantics. Terminology matters in kink and using the correct terms is vital for risk-aware, consensual play. We can only negotiate and talk about our desires and limits effectively if we use the right language. If someone says they like whips but they actually mean floggers, you can see how that could lead to some really troublesome miscommunications. Single-tail whips are seriously dangerous pieces of kit that can put you or your partner in hospital if you don’t know what you’re doing. They require training and practice to use properly. Using the correct terminology helps keep people safe.

(The game also, even more bafflingly, refers to the flogger as a “paddle”. This is a paddle.)

Bondage Seductions is lax to the point of being irresponsible when it comes to safety. There are cards that explain what safewords are and how to use them, which I guess is something. There’s also a mention of consent and only going as far as you want to go. But that’s all, and that’s not enough.

Several of the activities listed can be dangerous either physically (e.g. impact play) or psychologically (e.g. non-consent roleplay) if done incorrectly. While I appreciate that game creators can’t give an essay on safety for every activity, some context is essential.

I was particularly horrified to see one card suggesting that you flog your lover’s back, without making any distinction between hitting the upper back and shoulders (generally fine) and hitting the lower back, kidney area, and spine (incredibly dangerous and absolutely NOT fine.)

We can’t just nudge total beginners into impact play or non-consent roleplay scenes without telling them how to do so and emerge unharmed. This is grossly irresponsible.

Bondage Seduction… But Only If You’re Cis and Straight

This game takes unnecessary and aggressive gendering to the next level. It begins from the premise of assuming the players are a heterosexual, cisgender couple. There was absolutely no reason to do that! The cards could easily have been split by Top/bottom rather than male/female, or even just included a bunch of scenarios and left it to the players to decide who would take which roles.

Bondage Seductions kink game cards

This game is not just cisheteronormative, but incredibly sexist. Here are a few choice quotes (all genuine, all copied down verbatim):

“Doesn’t he know you’d have an orgasm on the spot if he’d lift a finger and do the dishes for once in his life?”

“Perhaps he’d chatting with his mother when he should be asking about your day? Or worse yet… screaming at other drivers when he should be offering you compliments about your new hairdo!”

“Men are visual, and women are more sensitive to touch.”

“Don’t you wish sometimes that he would just shut up?”

This game was designed by people who don’t have a very good opinion of either men or women. It also seems to carry the assumption that people in heterosexual partnerships kinda hate each other. And honestly, I just find that sad.

ALSO. There are two cards titled “Safe Word For Her” and “Safe Word for Him.” Apart from the pronouns, these two cards are identical. There is literally zero point to this. Just have one safeword card or explain the concept in the rules! This game takes “gendering things that have no reason to be” to the next level.

Verdict

Bondage Seductions is bad. It’s really, really bad. This game is not just cheesy, cheap, and badly put-together. It’s also outrageously sexist and dangerously cavalier about some pretty risky activities.

Seriously. Do not go near this game. This is awful. There are far better introductory toys and beginner-friendly BDSM kits out there.

Bondage Seductions is available from Lovehoney UK, but you absolutely shouldn’t buy it.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Position of the Week header

[Book Review] “Position of the Week” from Lovehoney

Published on by Amy

Today’s review is something a bit different: instead of a toy, wearable item, or piece of kink gear, we’re looking at the Position of the Week book from Lovehoney. (Or, as I think it should be called, “Borderline Impossible Sex Positions for Improbably Athletic Straight People.”) Let’s get into it.

What is Position of the Week?

Position of the Week is a book of 52 sex positions (the idea being that there’s one for each week for a year. It’s a pocket-sized hardback book.

Position of the Week book

Each double-page spread includes a silhouette-style drawing of a couple having sex in the given position on the left page. The right page gives the position number, name, and a brief description.

Who Is Position of the Week For?

This book is very, very heterosexual.

Every position is designed with a cisgender male/female couple having penetrative (penis-in-vagina) sex in mind. The illustrations even feature a woman drawn in pink and a man drawn in blue. There’s also a lot of gendered language throughout (“he does X, she does Y”, “girl power”, and so on.) I

Seriously, it’s so freaking straight I can feel my queerness leaking out all over its pages.

Pages from the Position of the Week book

A lot of the positions in this book would actually work for different body and genital configurations. Many of the positions would work just as well for two vulva owners using a strap-on, or for anal sex with any configuration of bodies.

So queer and trans folks absolutely could use it. But the language and the whole aesthetic is so cisheteronormative that it feels completely alienating as a queer person.

On the 3rd page, after the welcome but before the positions start, you get a little consent disclaimer. This states that you should talk before trying something new, that everything must be 100% consensual, and that you should stop if anything hurts or is uncomfortable.

It’s pretty much Consent 101 summed up in 33 words. But you know what? I’m here for it. Because fundamentally, this book isn’t for people like me. It’s not aimed at sex nerds who engage in non-traditional relationships and have long and nuanced conversations about sexuality out of academic as well as personal interest. This book is for people who are likely newer to sexual experimentation, many of whom might understand that consent is important but not have a sophisticated understanding of exactly what that means or how to talk about it.

Basically, what Lovehoney have done with this little one-pager helps to normalise and demystify consent conversations. And I’m very here for that.

So About the Actual Sex Positions, From Obvious to Impossible

Some of the positions in this book are pretty good. We have some obvious-but-decent classics (doggy style, sit-down sex, spooning) and some creative interpretations on classics like reverse cowgirl and standing sex.

Others, though, were definitely created for the athletically-inclined. No. 30 (“the Can-Can”) requires the person being penetrated to be able to get their foot on their partner’s shoulder while standing. That’s not a sex position, that’s a workout, and not one that’s going to be possible for the vast majority of bodies.

Pages from the Position of the Week book

Positions like the “Standing Thrust” and “Up Against It” require the penetrating partner to be able to support most or all of their partner’s weight while thrusting. Again: for most people this is just not going to happen. And I’m going to go ahead and call sex position No. 47 (“the Raunchy Rider”) physiologically impossible for 99% of people.

Pages from the Sex Position of the Week book showing an impossible sex position

This book clearly assumes that women are tiny, petite, and flexible, while men are muscular and strong. If that’s not you, it can lead to some pretty negative body feelings. (And it’s not most of us, by the way!)

On the plus side, a number of the position descriptions reference clitoral stimulation, which the vast majority of people with vulvas need in order to get off. So that’s something.

Verdict

Meh.

If you’re cisgender, heterosexual, skinny/strong, and athletic, you’ll probably get something from it. Otherwise, you might find a few interesting sex position ideas but largely be left thinking “…yeah but my body doesn’t work that way” (or “that is straight up impossible.)

Position of the Week retails for £6.99 from Lovehoney ($8.99 US). A fun stocking-stuffer if you’re within the very specific demographic it caters to. Otherwise, don’t bother.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header for a review of the Desire Bullet Vibrator from the Lovehoney Desire range

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Desire Bullet Vibrator

Published on by Amy

I’ve got another review for you from the Lovehoney Desire range today: the Desire Bullet Vibrator. I first looked at this range in the early days of this blog, and I’m curious to see if my perspective has changed at all.

Desire Bullet Vibrator: Details

The Lovehoney Desire Luxury Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator is a classic vibe in the traditional bullet shape, tapering to a soft point at the tip:

Desire Bullet Vibrator from the Lovehoney Desire range

The Desire Bullet measures a petite 3″ in total length. It is fully waterproof and rechargeable, with a two hour charge giving around an hour of runtime on full power. It also comes with a faux leather storage pouch with a hole for the charging cable.

This rigid Lovehoney bullet vibrator is coated in smooth, body-safe silicone in deep purple and stamped with the Lovehoney insignia.

Lovehoney Desire Bullet Vibrator: Controls

The Desire Bullet operates via a single button situated on the base of the toy. Just press once to switch it on, press repeatedly to cycle through the speeds and patterns, and hold it down for two seconds to switch the toy off.

Desire Bullet Vibrator from the Lovehoney Desire range

The button is raised, making it easy to feel and press without needing to look, and easy to press. I do wish it came with increase/decrease controls. This isn’t a cheap toy, and only being able to scroll through settings in one direction is pretty annoying.

In Use

The simple bullet shape is a classic for a reason, and offers some versatility in use. You can lay it flat against your vulva for a broader sensation, or use the tip for pinpoint clitoral stimulation. The silicone is silky soft and feels lovely, and is a change from the hard plastic of my usual go-to bullet.

The Lovehoney Desire bullet vibrator is super light, making it a good option if heavy or bulky toys are challenging for you. It’s also pretty quiet.

Power-wise, the Lovehoney Desire bullet vibrator is… fine. It starts out at a low rumble, which is good for getting warmed up, but the vibrations get pretty buzzy. I can get off with the top setting, but it’s a slow and kinda frustrating process.

Desire Bullet Vibrator from the Lovehoney Desire range

The Lovehoney Desire bullet vibrator has three constant speeds and a slightly bonkers seventeen patterns (some of which are very similar to one another. There are only so many variations on bzzz bzzz BZZZZZ in existence!)

The plus side is that this makes it pretty versatile for a bullet, which you’d expect when paying almost £50 for a toy. The downside is that it takes forever to scroll through them all (that damn one button interface again!) Also most of them are bad. More constant speeds would have been better.

Verdict

I’ve had mixed experiences with the Lovehoney Desire range. These products are beautifully designed, but haven’t always been powerful enough for me. Unfortunately, I have to say the same about the Desire Bullet.

A good quality and body-safe bullet vibe is a great addition to any toybag, but I don’t think this is the best one out there. At £64.99/$74.99, it’s pretty overpriced.

The Desire bullet vibrator is available from Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. Views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for a review of the Pillow Talk Sassy vibrator

[Toy Review] Pillow Talk Sassy

Published on by Amy2 Comments

The Pillow Talk Sassy has been on my “want to review” list forever. Thanks to Self & More, a women-owned sex shop (update: which has since sadly closed) I’ve managed to get hold of one. Let’s go!

Pillow Talk Sassy: Details

The Pillow Talk Sassy a curved vibrator with a bulbous head, made of body-safe silicone. It measures 7.5″ long with an insertable length of 5″ and a diameter of 1.5″ at the widest post. It is splashproof (not fully waterproof) and USB rechargeable. A full charge gave me around 2 hours of runtime.

The Pillow Talk Sassy in its white, clear front box

The Sassy came attractively packaged in a white, clear front box. Included with the toy, there was a charging cable, a satin storage pouch, and a little cleaning brush to help you clean in those tricky grooves and ridges.

Pillow Talk Sassy Review: What I Liked

The Pillow Talk Sassy G-spot vibrator on a desk

Let’s start with what I liked about the Pillow Talk Sassy, because there’s a lot.

  • One of the things that immediately drew me to the Sassy was the gorgeous mint green colour. Its button is also decorated with a little crystal, which is unnecessary but fun for those of us who like sparkly things.
  • It provides deep, rumbly vibrations at all power levels, and the Powerbullet motor packs an impressive punch.
  • The shape! The intense curve of the last couple of inches makes it ideal for both precision G-spot stimulation and for semi-pinpoint clitoral use.
  • The Pillow Talk Sassy’s shaft is somewhat flexible. This makes it a little more gentle and less intense than very rigid toys.
  • The single button (located on the base) is large and easy to press.
  • Instead of having to press the button repeatedly, you hold it down and the power increases smoothly until you release it. To give you an idea of how many intensity levels the Sassy offers, it took nine seconds to get to full power once switched on.
  • No patterns! (I hate patterns. Everyone hates patterns. I’m glad a toy manufacturer finally got the memo.)
  • It has a travel lock.
  • The cushioned, textured handle feels dreamy to hold.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Button end of the Pillow Talk Sassy G-spot vibrator and clitoral vibrator

The Pillow Talk Sassy’s one-button interface isn’t ideal since you can’t turn the intensity back down without turning the toy off and starting again. It’s also a little loud.

Though, as mentioned above, I like the flexible shaft for internal use, it does make it a little difficult to get the amount of clitoral pressure I sometimes prefer for external use.

Verdict

Pillow Talk Sassy clitoral vibrator and G-spot vibrator lying on a blanket

The Pillow Talk Sassy is an awesome all-rounder. It takes a simple premise—a powerful, rumbly vibrator with a curve just made for G-spot pleasure—and it does it damn well. It’s also pleasingly prett, has simple and intuitive controls, and retails for half the price of many toys that are less good.

Excellent on all counts.

This toy retails for £65/$60-65 and is available from The Pleasure Garden, Babeland, and Shevibe.

All views my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Lovense Domi review header image

[Toy Review] Lovense Domi 2

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Lovense Domi 2 review update/disclaimer 2025: Lovense has come under fire for significant security breaches in the last few months, including allegedly exposing users’ email addresses in the supposedly-anonymous app. Though the company claims to have fixed the problem, this is part of a pattern of worrying privacy concerns when it comes to app-controlled sex toys in general. Do with this information what you choose, but it has made me extremely hesitant about using toy apps personally. I have updated my Lovense reviews to include this information upfront to allow you to make an informed choice.

I recently reviewed the Lovense Lush and was generally underwhelmed. However, the Lovense team reached out and suggested a different product I might get on better with. That’s how I’m bringing you today’s review of the Lovense Domi 2.

Lovense Domi 2: Details

The Lovense Domi 2 is an app-controlled mini wand vibrator. (I’m using the term “mini” loosely here. It’s not small, it’s just smaller than a typical wand.) It measures 9.5″ in total length, with a plastic body and a head coated in body-safe silicone. The Domi 2 is black with a silver band towards the top of the handle:

Lovense Domi 2 wand vibrator official product photo for review

The Domi 2 is splashproof but not fully waterproof. It is USB rechargeable, with a 2 hour charge giving around 2 hours of runtime.

Lovense Domi 2 Review: App Functionality

To varying degrees, Lovense toys really come into their own with the Lovense app. Some are really not worth the money without the app, though (as we’ll see) I don’t think the Domi 2 falls into that category.

The Lovense Remote app is free to download for either iOS or Android. There’s also a Mac version and a Windows PC version. You’ll need a special Lovense USB Bluetooth Adaptor if you want to use the latter.

Screenshot of the Lovense Domi app

When I reviewed the Lush, I noted that it was clearly a toy designed with app-first usage in mind. Without the app, its user interface is rather limited. The Domi 2, however, is a great product in and of itself. The app just adds some extra bonus features. That’s how it should be, in my view. Not everyone wants to hold their phone while they’re getting off!

I rarely use sex toy apps in real world settings, but I wanted to test the Domi 2 with the app to make this review more thorough. The toy connected instantly and the connection was steady and consistent.

Once you’ve connected your toy, you’ll find several fun options:

  • The “Remote” control panel allows you to change the vibration speed with a simple finger swipe. You can also use the “loop” feature to create your own patterns.
  • In “My Patterns,” you can find pre-installed vibration patterns. This is also where you can create and save your own custom settings.
  • “Alarm” lets you schedule the toy to start vibrating at a specific time. This has significantly fewer applications with a toy like a wand as opposed to an insertable, but I’m sure some creative kinksters could come up with at least a few fun ways to use it.
  • “Sound” makes the toy respond to nearby sounds such as talking, music, and so on. Fair warning: it’s very very responsive. On the higher sensitivity setting, it was picking up the faint sound of my partner talking on the phone at the other end of the house.
  • “Music” syncs the vibrations along with music files uploaded to your device, or linked through a streaming service like Spotify.
  • In a long distance relationship or currently apart from your partner? Use the “Long Distance” area in the app to hand over control to your partner from anywhere.
Lovense Domi app screenshot

Without the app, the Domi 2 features a simple 3-button interface to change the speeds and flick through the pre-installed patterns.

Camming Compatibility

All Lovense toys share a unique feature: embedded connectivity with online camming sites. If you perform on sites such as Chaturbate, MyFreeCams, Manyvids, or many others, you can hook up your Domi 2 and create tip-based responses. This lets your fans “control” your vibe based on the tips they send you.

If you wish, you can also hand over control for a limited time using a control link lasting anything from a few seconds up to an hour. Every link is one-use and will expire if not used within 30 minutes. You can end the session any time by pressing “back” on the app.

As I’m not a cam performer, I have not tested this functionality myself. However, reviews from folks in this industry are generally pretty. positive.

Lovense Domi 2 Review: Power

A lot of small and rechargeable wands suck. Others are forgettably mediocre.

The Domi 2, though? I cannot believe the power this thing is packing. It’s not only powerful, it’s also one of the most rumbly toys I’ve ever used. Its vibrations are so deep that my entire internal clit gets stimulated from just pressing the toy into the side of my vulva or the top of my pubic mound.

Verdict

I don’t really understand why the Lush is Lovense’s flagship product when the Domi is so clearly the superior toy in so many ways. Its design is better, its motor is better, its functionality is better… oh, and it’s designed for the kind of stimulation that actually gets most people with vulvas off.

The Lovense Domi 2 retails for prices starting from £89/$119. It is available from Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney US, Good Vibes, Babeland, and Shevibe as well as directly from Lovense. Lovense also offers attachments for both penises and vulvas, which you can buy with the Domi 2 in a bundle or separately.

Thanks to Lovense for sending me the Domi 2 to review. All views, as always, are my own. Affiliate links appear within this post.

Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Realistic

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Realistic Rechargeable Rabbit Vibrator

Published on by Amy

It’s been a while since I did a Lovehoney Happy Rabbit toy review! I loved the Thrusting Rabbit, which I tried way back when the range first launched, so I was only too happy to give the Happy Rabbit Realistic a go.

Happy Rabbit Realistic: Details

The Happy Rabbit Realistic is a black rabbit-style toy. It is made of black and slightly squishy body-safe silicone. This latest iteration is a redesign of the original Realistic Happy Rabbit, based on customer feedback. The new design features a more pronounced head and thicker, firmer “bunny ears” for clitoral stimulation.

The Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Realistic

Lovehoney describes the Happy Rabbit Realistic as a toy that is “non-threatening [in] size” which… lol. Obviously these things are all relative, but the first thing I thought when I took this toy out of its packaging was, “yikes, it’s huge.” It measures 10″ in total length and 6″ in insertable length, with a diameter of 1.7″ at the widest point.

This toy is rechargeable via the included cable, and fully waterproof for bath/shower play and ease of cleaning. It also features a travel lock.

The Happy Rabbit Realistic contains two motors, one in the shaft and one in the ears. You can control them both completely independently via the simple two-button interface.

The Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Realistic control panel

The top button allows you to scroll (in either direction, yay!) through the 15 patterns in the shaft, while the bottom button switches between the three speed settings in the ears. The bottom button is easy to press, while the top one requires you to be a bit more firm with it.

Happy Rabbit Realistic Toy Review: In Use

There are two things I need to use this toy comfortably: a decent amount of warm-up and a lot of lube. Its size means it’s definitely not a “get off quickly in two minutes” toy.

The silicone of the main shaft is lovely and squishy, making the toy comfortable once it’s inserted. The shaft also has a good deal of flex, which is ideal for angling it just right. All our bodies are different, and the right positioning for me won’t be the right positioning for you. The flexibility makes this toy friendly to a wider range of bodies.

The Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Realistic

I love the pronounced shape of the head, which mimics a circumcised bio cock (hence “realistic.”) The Happy Rabbit Realistic’s shape is pretty perfect for G-spot stimulation for me, especially coupled with the toy’s flexible shaft.

Since I don’t like vibrations internally, I tend to leave the motor in the shaft switched off and just enjoy the combination of G-spot pressure and clitoral vibrations. The separate motors and separate controls make it easy to do this.

When it comes to power, the Happy Rabbit Realistic delivers. Those little bunny ears pack a serious punch, starting from a low rumble and rising to an impressive intensity. Since the two ears are flexible, you can position them however you like: directly on your clit, to one side, over the hood, or surrounding and “hugging” it.

Verdict

I’m again impressed with the Happy Rabbit toy line. All the products are body-safe and powerful. This one, in particular, also has that excellent shaft design.

The Happy Rabbit Realistic retails for £69.99 from Lovehoney UK or $99.99 from Lovehoney US.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Happy Rabbit Realistic to review. All views, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Hourglass. Header for a post on exploring your sexuality later in life

There is No Time Limit: Exploring Your Sexuality Later in Life

Published on by Amy3 Comments

I occasionally receive questions from readers who are wondering if it is “too late” for them to enjoy some aspect of sex or relationships. Some haven’t had their first sexual experience by the time they reach their 20s. Others are realising they’re queer or trans and coming out in their 40s. Some are considering trying polyamory, exploring kink, or experimenting with group sex for the first time in their 50s, 60s, or even later in life. Regardless of your reasons for exploring your sexuality later in life, I’m here to tell you this: there is no time limit.

You can have amazing sex at any age or stage of life, including if you’re a “late bloomer.”

You can find love after the age of 35. Yes, even if you want to get married. Yes, even if you want to have children.

Polyamory, kink, group sex, and all those other wonderful adventures aren’t just for youngsters. You can have your first orgasm in your 30s or 50s or 70s or 90s.

Why Exploring Your Sexuality Later Can Be Beneficial

I understand that it’s hard, and daunting to feel like you’re running late. Though it might not seem like it, exploring your sexuality later in life can give you some advantages. There are times when it can be beneficial to have a bit of life experience behind you.

It’s true that a lot of people are now finding sex positive communities and the resources they need to explore their sexuality earlier in life. In large part, this is thanks to the internet. I discovered polyamory and kink in my late teens. There was a time when I’d be the youngest person in any sex positive space I entered by at least a decade. I don’t think new adults exploring these spaces generally have the same experience today.

For a long time, I was grateful to have found these communities early and experienced so many things so young. Now, though, my relationship with that time in my life is more complicated. In some ways, I wish I’d put off exploring sex until a little later in my life.

I’m glad I’ve had my entire adult life to explore. But looking back with the wisdom and knowledge of a woman in her 30s? I can see the ways that I was tremendously vulnerable back then. I’d walk into a room, young and wide-eyed and so naive, and I might as well have had a sign over my head saying Fresh Meat. The way some of the men looked at me, when I was barely out of high school, is no longer something I recall with pride but something that makes me shudder. I spent a lot of time in those early days fending off the advances of men ten or twenty or thirty years older than me. Or not fending them off and falling into situations I was wildly ill-equipped to handle.

It was all kind of fun… until it wasn’t. I had some amazing adventures, but I also picked up a lot of new traumas. I’m saying all this to illustrate that the knowledge and wisdom that comes with being older can be a huge asset. It can help keep you safe, healthy, and boundaried when you’re exploring your sexuality later in life.

4 Tips for Exploring Sex Later in Life

Whatever your story and whatever the reason you’re exploring relationships, pleasure, identity, or sex in later life, the first thing I want this post to do is give you a sense of permission. To let you know that you’re welcome and it’s not too late for you. But I also thought some tips and suggestions might be useful. As always, pick the ones that work for you and leave the ones that don’t.

Give Yourself Permission to Be a Beginner

No matter your age or prior experiences, there’s no shame in being new to something. That includes sex, relationships, dating, queerness, kink, masturbation, pleasure… all of it. Something a lot of people find helpful is to approach whatever aspect of sexuality they’re exploring as if it were a new hobby.

You wouldn’t sit down at a piano for the first time and expect to play a flawless Beethoven sonata. You wouldn’t go to your first ever language class and expect to come out speaking fluent Italian. Sexuality is just the same. None of us are born knowing this stuff. As long as you’re breathing and curious there’s always, always, always time to learn.

Being a beginner isn’t shameful. It’s a beautiful sign that you had the courage to step out of your comfort zone and learn something new.

Get Educated About Sex, Relationships, Pleasure, and Your Body

Depending on your age and where you grew up, your sex education was likely somewhere on the spectrum from “lacking” to “non existent.” If you’re exploring sex or relationships later in life and feel like you don’t know all that much about your sexuality, your body, or what you enjoy, that’s no reflection on you. But it is something you can take control of! This might include some unlearning, letting go of old narratives, and releasing shame that isn’t serving you.

Check out the resources section below to help you get started.

By the way: don’t forget to learn about sexual health, too. Even if pregnancy is no longer a concern for you, you’ll still need to understand how to protect yourself and your lover(s) from STIs.

Embrace the Power of “I Don’t Know Yet”

It can be daunting to be asked questions like “what do you like?” or “how do you identify?” and not know the answers. But not knowing is part of the journey, and it’s okay not to know! It’s also okay if your answers tomorrow, or a year from now, or ten years from now are not the same as they are today. Change, growth, discovery, and rediscovery are all part of this process.

Meet Your Body Where It Is

Your body may not be the same now as it was ten or thirty or fifty years ago. It’s normal to feel some complicated feelings about that, but ageing or disability needn’t be a barrier to enjoying your sexuality in its full glory. If you’re exploring sex later in life, it’s important to get to know your body as it is now.

Get curious. Learn about your responses and desires and the reality of your current body. Practice radical acceptance of your body and yourself. You might need to expand your definition of sex and pleasure (it’s not all about penetration!). Navigating sexual side effects, such as a drop in libido or anorgasmia, can also be issues for folks of any age who take some medications.

Pro tip: tools like a good lube, positioning aids, and smart sex tech can be game-changers at any age.

Resources for Exploring Sex Later in Life

Whether you’re exploring your sexuality in your 20s, your 80s, or anywhere in between, check out some of these resources to learn more.

If You’re Ready to Explore Sex in Later Life, You’re Right on Time

We all have a finite amount of time on this planet. But as long as we’re still here, there’s no time limit on learning, exploring, adventuring, experiencing.

Tomorrow is always a new day. No matter your age or your experiences so far, you can always wake up and decide that you want to do something differently. You can try something new, learn something new, chase some new dream.

Sex, relationships, love, pleasure… they’re for everyone who wants them. You don’t have to have had your first sexual experience by 20, met your life partner by 25, got married by 30, or discovered kink while you’re still young enough to attend the “Under 35” munch.

We all come to things at different stages and for different reasons. Wherever you are in your journey and whatever your reasons for exploring your sexuality later in life, those of us in the sex positive community are waiting to welcome you. You’re not too late. I promise.

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[Toy Review] Lovense Lush 2

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Lovense Lush 2 toy review update/disclaimer 2025: Lovense has come under fire for significant security breaches in the last few months, including allegedly exposing users’ email addresses in the supposedly-anonymous app. Though the company claims to have fixed the problem, this is part of a pattern of worrying privacy concerns when it comes to app-controlled sex toys in general. Do with this information what you choose, but it has made me extremely hesitant about using toy apps personally. I have updated my Lovense reviews to include this information to allow you to make an informed choice.

Update 23/04/25: the Lovense Lush 2 has now been replaced by newer products, the Lush 3 and Lush 4. I have left this Lovense Lush 2 review up for reference but have yet to test the new products in the Lush range.

To say I was excited to finally get to write a Lovense Lush 2 review would be an understatement. Lovense toys have a reputation that precedes them, and I’ve never been able to get one for review before.

So let’s dive in and find out what I thought of the famed Lush 2, shall we?

Lovense Lush 2: Details

The Lush 2 by Lovense is a rechargeable, app-controlled insertable vibrator. It measures 8″ in length and 3.5″ in insertable length. The rest is a long, flexible tail. The Lush 2 is made of body-safe silicone in an extremely bright shade of pink.

The Lush 2 is described as a “love egg” vibrator, but the main body isn’t really quite egg shaped. Instead it has a bulge on one side, which I guess is supposed to hit the G-spot. The body and tail shape kinda makes me think of a sperm! Here’s what it looks like:

The Lovense Lush 2 toy on a wooden floor for a review post

On my body, the main head of the toy really isn’t long enough or the right shape to hit my G-spot with any degree of precision. Given this and the that I’m not a big fan of internal vibrations, I was more inclined to use it as a clitoral vibrator.

This toy is fully waterproof, and rechargeable via a USB cable (you get around 2.5 hours of use for a 2 hour charge).

Lovense Lush 2 Review: App Functionality

Perhaps the biggest appeal of Lovense’s toys is their superior app functionality. After testing my Lush 2 with the Lovense app, I can confirm that it’s by far the best sex toy remote control app I’ve ever used.

This is absolutely a toy that was designed with app-first usage in mind. Without the app, the interface is a single button (located on the end of the tail) that you use to scroll one way through the three constant vibration speeds and four inbuilt patterns.

The Lovense Remote app is free to download and compatible with iOS 9.0 and later, and Android 4.3 and later. There’s also a Mac version, and a Windows PC version (though you need a special Lovense USB Bluetooth Adaptor for the latter).

You’ll need to set up a free account to use the app, which takes a couple of minutes. Then you switch on your Bluetooth and click the link symbol in the top right corner to connect your toy. Unlike other app-based toys I’ve used, my Lush 2 connected in a couple of seconds. The connection is steady and reliable.

The Lovense Connect app

Once you’ve connected your toy to the app, you have a number of different options. You can use the “Remote” control panel to change the vibration speed with the swipe of a finger, or create your own repeating pattern using the “loop” feature. In “My Patterns,” you can find the pre-installed vibration patterns and also create and save your own.

The other cool app options include:

  • “Alarm”, wherein you can schedule the toy to start vibrating at a specific time. (Yes I tested it, and yes it works). I mean, the idea of waking up with this thing buzzing away inside me is not my idea of fun, but some people might enjoy it!
  • “Sound” makes the toy sound-responsive. You can talk at it, play music, or even just tap gently on something nearby and the Lush 2 will vibrate in time with it. It’s EXTREMELY responsive – at the top sensitivity setting, it was picking up traffic noise from the end of my street and responding to that. So you might want to turn the sensitivity level down a bit. This function has some particularly interesting D/s potential. I have to admit the idea of a Dom making my vibe react with just their voice is hot as fuck. You could even watch porn and sync the toy with the performers’ sounds!
  • “Music”, which allows you to sync the vibrations along with music. You can use music files uploaded to your device, or link your app with streaming services like Spotify.
The Lovense Connect app

Lovense Lush Toy Review: Long Distance Functionality

You can hand over control of your Lovense Lush 2 to your partner using the “Long Distance” tab. For privacy reasons, you can’t search by email address, so your partner will need to set up an account so you can add one another by username.

Again, the connectivity is quick and simple, and remains steady as long as you both have Bluetooth and a stable internet connection.

You can also create a limited-time “control link”, allowing you to hand over control for a specified amount of time from a few seconds up to 60 minutes. Every link is unique, for one-time use only, and expires if not used within 30 minutes. You can end the session any time by simply pressing “back” on the app.

The Lovense Connect app

Lovense provides a useful how-to guide to help you set up.

Cam Site Connection

The Lovense Lush 2 boasts the ability to connect with cam sites, which I haven’t seen from any other sex toy companies. Cam models and performers can sync any Lush toy with numerous cam sites including Chaturbate, Manyvids, MyFreeCams, and more. You can then create tip-based responses, allowing your fans to “control” your vibe by tipping you.

Of course, it’s also possible to hand over control to your high tippers using the control link function mentioned above.

As I’m not a cam performer, I have not tested this functionality myself. However, I have seen clips of performers using it, and read reviews that are generally very positive about it.

Power

Sadly, what the Lovense Lush 2 has in app functionality and innovation, it lacks in power. As soon as I switched it on in my hand, I was unimpressed. I hoped it might feel better once I was warmed up and using it on my vulva, but alas I remained underwhelmed.

The Lovense Lush 2 on a white bedsheet

The Lovense Lush 2’s vibrations aren’t exactly terrible, but they’re just… not good. They’re fairly buzzy and, even on the highest setting, nowhere near powerful enough to justify this toy’s price tag.

I’m sad to report that this toy didn’t get me off. After multiple attempts, I had to reach for a trusty wand to finish the job.

Lovense Lush 2 Review: Final Thoughts

I can only recommend this toy if you’re after app functionality or long-distance capability and if you don’t need very powerful vibrations. The Lovense Lush 2’s app is great, and the tip connectivity option for adult performers is genuinely cool and unique.

Unfortunately, its power level really lets the Lovense Lush 2 down. For a toy at this price point, a nifty app isn’t enough. I expect it to actually be powerful to get me off. Which, frankly, is a low bar for a supposedly high-end toy to meet.

Without the cool app features, all you have is an overpriced vibrator with a mediocre motor.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Lovense Lush 2 toy to test and review! All opinions are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Pills spilling out of an orange bottle on a blue background. Text reads: Nagivating sexual side effects

Sexual Side Effects: How to Have Sex if Medication is Getting in the Way of Your Pleasure

Published on by Amy

Unfortunately, sexual side effects are incredibly common with numerous types of medication. Antidepressants and other mental health medications including SSRIs and MOAIs, blood pressure medications, ADHD medications, and certain hormonal therapies are just some of the commonly prescribed medical treatments that can affect sex drive, orgasm, and sexual function.

Sexual side effects can include loss of desire, low arousal, erectile issues, pain during sex, and anorgasmia. Obviously, not everyone who takes medication experiences these issues and not everyone will experience them to the same extent. They can also naturally occur as a result of ageing, stress, physical health issues, and so on. But they are super common. In this post, I’ll share some strategies that can help you to manage them and continue to access sexual pleasure, if you want to.

Note: I am not a medical professional, so I have kept my advice here to sex and relationships advice, not medical advice. If you have any medical concerns or queries, see your doctor.

Talk to Your Doctor About Sexual Side Effects

You shouldn’t have to choose between the right medication and a happy and pleasurable sex life. You should be able to have both! So if you’re suffering from sexual side effects, talk to your doctor. My doctor once told me to stay on my antidepressants even though they killed my sex drive and appetite. I ignored that advice and ultimately switched to a different doctor (and a different drug.)

A good provider will work with you to find a medication solution that helps you without damaging your sex life. This might mean adjusting your dose, trying a different drug, or implementing other strategies to combat the sexual side effects. If your doctor dismisses you or doesn’t think sexual pleasure is important, go to a different doctor.

Sex matters. For many of us, it’s a quality of life issue. You deserve to get medical support and be taken seriously.

Get Creative and Expand Your Definition of Sex

Perhaps you can’t or don’t want to change your medication right now (or ever), but you also want to start enjoying sex again. If so, I invite you to think about your definition of sex. When you think of sex, are you thinking exclusively about penetrative intercourse or another specific activity?

Getting creative, exploring different kinds of touch, and expanding your definition of sex can all be great ways to sidestep sexual side effects and find new ways to access pleasure and sensuality.

What if sex didn’t need to involve penetration? What if there was no pressure for anyone to have an orgasm, and you could just enjoy touch and sensation without racing towards any particular goal? If it didn’t matter whether a cock got hard or a pussy got wet? Paradoxically, removing the focus from things like penetration, erection, or orgasm can actually make those things easier. Don’t underestimate the power of taking the pressure off.

Intimate connection doesn’t even need to involve your genitals! What if you spent an entire session just kissing and making out, focusing on nipple play, trading massages? What if a kink scene, whether that involves flogging or shibari or candle wax or sensation play or power exchange, was the main event rather than an appetiser? When you step away from what you assume sex is, you discover all the things pleasure can be.

Experiment with Toys

Sex toys are amazing for so many reasons! (That’s why I turned talking about them into a career.) One of the ways they’re amazing? They can help to overcome or navigate sexual side effects by offering different kinds and intensities of sensation.

If you’re struggling with a loss of sensation, powerful vibrators can help. When I suffered from anorgasmia and a reduced sex drive due to antidepressants, a wand vibrator helped me to break through the block. Some people with a clitoris find that the focused intensity of suction toys works well when sensitivity is low. If you have a penis and your medication makes it difficult to get or stay hard, a toy like the Hot Octopuss Pulse – which can be used from either erect or flaccid – can be a great choice. If you want to have penetrative sex, a strap-on, fucking machine, thrusting toy, or dildo can facilitate it.

If pain during sex is an issue, toys and accessories can also help. The OhNut is an amazing invention that limits the depth of penetration with a penis or dildo, and dilators can help to gently stretch and relax your vaginal tissue.

Explore Self-Touch

Learning to navigate sexual side effects and adjusting to your body’s new normal can be a process. Whether or not you have a partner, this is a great time to explore self-touch. You might want to experiment with masturbating in different ways (such as in a new position or with toys), experiment with mindful masturbation, or perhaps just touch your body in whatever ways feel good to you.

Talk About Your Sexual Side Effects with Your Lover(s)

Too many of us have, at some point, struggled through sex that was not pleasurable or even sex that was painful. Perhaps we felt pressured, perhaps we didn’t want to let our partner down, or perhaps we believed that maybe we’d “get into it” if we just kept going. I understand the urge, but you deserve so much more than suffering through uncomfortable or painful sex.

A partner who loves and respects you will want to understand your experience and support you. Great sex with a partner is a collaborative process. It begins with honesty and vulnerability, so – as long as you’re in a safe and trusting relationship – talk to your partner(s) about how you’re feeling, what’s going on for you, and how you’d like to address it. If you want them to do or not to something specific, ask for it. If you just want their patience and understanding while you adjust, ask for that.

Fight Shame and Self-Blame

Sexual side effects often bring a lot of shame. You might feel as though there’s something wrong with you, or worry that you’re letting your partner(s) down. Some people even feel as though their masculinity, femininity, or sense of sexual identity is threatened.

There is absolutely no shame in what you’re going through right now. Orgasm problems and loss of sex drive are still stigmatised and, unfortunately, so are certain types of medication such as antidepressants. However, please try to avoid getting into a shame cycle or blaming yourself. But sexual side effects are incredibly normal, and most of us will be on medication that will impact our sexuality at some point in our lives.

If you’re struggling with shame, reach out to others who have had similar experiences, ask your partner(s) for reassurance and support, or talk to a therapist.

Check Out These Resources to Help You Navigate Sexual Side Effects

Wherever you are in your journey with medication and navigating sexual side effects, these are a few resources I recommend. As always, pick the ones that sound most useful to you!

If you find my work useful, you can help me keep doing this by buying me a coffee! This post contains affiliate links.

Header image for a post on reclaiming pleasure after sexual assault and other sexual traumas

Five Lessons I’ve Learned About Reclaiming Pleasure After Sexual Assault

Published on by Amy

Pleasure can be far from simple for all kinds of reasons, and after sexual assault or other kinds of sexual trauma, finding joy in intimacy and in your sexuality again can feel like an insurmountable task.

Disclaimer: I’m a survivor and a trauma-informed sexuality writer and educator. I am not a psychotherapist, psychologist, or any form of medical or mental health professional. Nothing here can or should replace competent, professional advice and support.

The first and most important thing I want you to take away from this post is this: your journey is your own and wherever you are now is okay. There is no correct way to recover from sexual trauma and there is no set path. Everyone’s experience is different and numerous factors impact healing.

This is not a how-to guide. It’s just a set of lessons I’ve learned that have helped me in my ongoing journey towards healing. Maybe they’ll help you too. Or maybe you’ll find something completely different that works for you! Either way is wonderful.

Pleasure and Intimacy After Sexual Trauma is Not a Linear Journey

Recovery is not a straight line. You won’t just get better and better each day until suddenly you wake up and find that you’re fully healed. At least, I don’t know any survivors whose experience has been this way.

You’ll have good days and bad days. Sometimes you might feel like you take two steps forward and one back. All of this is normal. Intimacy after sexual trauma is complicated, multi-faceted, and messy. You don’t need to berate yourself if it’s harder today than it was yesterday.

Be where you are today. Wherever that is, it’s okay.

A Healthy Sexual Relationship With Yourself Can Be Immensely Healing

Sex doesn’t have to involve another person unless you want it to. In fact, masturbation and other forms of self-touch, both sexual and non-sexual, can be a valuable part of healing from sexual violence and reclaiming pleasure as a radical act of self-love after trauma. Reclaiming intimacy after trauma includes intimacy with yourself.

Masturbation and solo sex is something you do entirely for yourself. You don’t have to perform or worry about pleasing someone else. You don’t even need to involve your genitals at all, if you don’t want to. The only agenda is to touch yourself in the ways that feel good, and stop when you want to stop.

Self-touch is a wonderful way to get to know ourselves, to be kind and loving and gentle with ourselves. Pay attention to your body and what feels good. Do you just want to run your hands over your skin for now? Perfect, do that. Does using a wand vibrator through your clothes help you access pleasure in a way that feels safe? Amazing.

Healing From Trauma is For You and You Don’t Owe Your Sexuality to Anyone

Many survivors feel anxious to recover from or “get over” their trauma because they want to be able to give their partner sex (or certain kind of sex.) Sometimes this pressure comes from the partner. Other times, the partner is completely supportive and this pressure is internal.

Either way: your healing is for you. Your trauma is yours and your sexuality is yours. You don’t owe it to anyone.

Yes, it’s wonderful to be able to share awesome sex with your partner(s) if you want to. But reclaiming intimacy after trauma has to be for yourself first. No-one has the right to access to your body. Not even if you’ve been married for fifty years.

You can heal with other people. In fact, love and support are essential for recovering from trauma. But you can’t heal for somebody else, and you don’t owe your partner(s) a certain kind of recovery.

There is No “Correct” Version of Healthy Sexuality After Trauma

Pleasure is personal and it can look countless different ways. A healthy relationship with your sexuality means something different to everyone.

Sadly, a lot of people still believe that the only correct sex is penetrative, heterosexual, monogamous, vanilla, and within the context of a serious relationship. Survivors of trauma who identify as queer, non-monogamous, kinky, asexual, demisexual, or highly sexual may find themselves pathologised, with professionals and loved ones alike attributing their identities and experiences to their trauma. This is tremendously damaging to survivors and is another form of taking away our agency.

Reclaiming pleasure after trauma means that you get to decide how your sexuality looks. If it’s happy, risk-aware, and consensual, you’re doing it right.

The Hardest Lesson About Intimacy and Pleasure After Sexual Trauma: Some Things Might Never Go Back to the Way They Were

I still grieve for the Amy who never met her abuser. I still grieve for the version of me who didn’t get pressured into sex in her teens, who didn’t lose half her twenties to psychological abuse, who didn’t get raped at a party in her thirties. Honestly? I will probably always carry that grief.

When it comes to reclaiming pleasure and intimacy after trauma, the hardest thing for me to learn was that some things will never be the way they might have been in that alternate timeline.

Because abuse, assault, violence? It changes us. It has a deep, profound, and lasting impact. I know that the things I’ve experienced will, in some ways, be with me forever. I’ll never go back to the way I was before.

But I am starting, in some small ways, to be okay with that. Nothing stays the same forever, and every experience we have shapes and molds us. So no, I’ll never be the person I might have been without those experiences. But I can grow into someone else. She might even be someone great.

If you need crisis support after sexual violence, please contact RAINN in the USA and Rape Crisis in the UK.