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Sexual Side Effects: How to Have Sex if Medication is Getting in the Way of Your Pleasure

Published on by Amy

Unfortunately, sexual side effects are incredibly common with numerous types of medication. Antidepressants and other mental health medications including SSRIs and MOAIs, blood pressure medications, ADHD medications, and certain hormonal therapies are just some of the commonly prescribed medical treatments that can affect sex drive, orgasm, and sexual function.

Sexual side effects can include loss of desire, low arousal, erectile issues, pain during sex, and anorgasmia. Obviously, not everyone who takes medication experiences these issues and not everyone will experience them to the same extent. They can also naturally occur as a result of ageing, stress, physical health issues, and so on. But they are super common. In this post, I’ll share some strategies that can help you to manage them and continue to access sexual pleasure, if you want to.

Note: I am not a medical professional, so I have kept my advice here to sex and relationships advice, not medical advice. If you have any medical concerns or queries, see your doctor.

Talk to Your Doctor About Sexual Side Effects

You shouldn’t have to choose between the right medication and a happy and pleasurable sex life. You should be able to have both! So if you’re suffering from sexual side effects, talk to your doctor. My doctor once told me to stay on my antidepressants even though they killed my sex drive and appetite. I ignored that advice and ultimately switched to a different doctor (and a different drug.)

A good provider will work with you to find a medication solution that helps you without damaging your sex life. This might mean adjusting your dose, trying a different drug, or implementing other strategies to combat the sexual side effects. If your doctor dismisses you or doesn’t think sexual pleasure is important, go to a different doctor.

Sex matters. For many of us, it’s a quality of life issue. You deserve to get medical support and be taken seriously.

Get Creative and Expand Your Definition of Sex

Perhaps you can’t or don’t want to change your medication right now (or ever), but you also want to start enjoying sex again. If so, I invite you to think about your definition of sex. When you think of sex, are you thinking exclusively about penetrative intercourse or another specific activity?

Getting creative, exploring different kinds of touch, and expanding your definition of sex can all be great ways to sidestep sexual side effects and find new ways to access pleasure and sensuality.

What if sex didn’t need to involve penetration? What if there was no pressure for anyone to have an orgasm, and you could just enjoy touch and sensation without racing towards any particular goal? If it didn’t matter whether a cock got hard or a pussy got wet? Paradoxically, removing the focus from things like penetration, erection, or orgasm can actually make those things easier. Don’t underestimate the power of taking the pressure off.

Intimate connection doesn’t even need to involve your genitals! What if you spent an entire session just kissing and making out, focusing on nipple play, trading massages? What if a kink scene, whether that involves flogging or shibari or candle wax or sensation play or power exchange, was the main event rather than an appetiser? When you step away from what you assume sex is, you discover all the things pleasure can be.

Experiment with Toys

Sex toys are amazing for so many reasons! (That’s why I turned talking about them into a career.) One of the ways they’re amazing? They can help to overcome or navigate sexual side effects by offering different kinds and intensities of sensation.

If you’re struggling with a loss of sensation, powerful vibrators can help. When I suffered from anorgasmia and a reduced sex drive due to antidepressants, a wand vibrator helped me to break through the block. Some people with a clitoris find that the focused intensity of suction toys works well when sensitivity is low. If you have a penis and your medication makes it difficult to get or stay hard, a toy like the Hot Octopuss Pulse – which can be used from either erect or flaccid – can be a great choice. If you want to have penetrative sex, a strap-on, fucking machine, thrusting toy, or dildo can facilitate it.

If pain during sex is an issue, toys and accessories can also help. The OhNut is an amazing invention that limits the depth of penetration with a penis or dildo, and dilators can help to gently stretch and relax your vaginal tissue.

Explore Self-Touch

Learning to navigate sexual side effects and adjusting to your body’s new normal can be a process. Whether or not you have a partner, this is a great time to explore self-touch. You might want to experiment with masturbating in different ways (such as in a new position or with toys), experiment with mindful masturbation, or perhaps just touch your body in whatever ways feel good to you.

Talk About Your Sexual Side Effects with Your Lover(s)

Too many of us have, at some point, struggled through sex that was not pleasurable or even sex that was painful. Perhaps we felt pressured, perhaps we didn’t want to let our partner down, or perhaps we believed that maybe we’d “get into it” if we just kept going. I understand the urge, but you deserve so much more than suffering through uncomfortable or painful sex.

A partner who loves and respects you will want to understand your experience and support you. Great sex with a partner is a collaborative process. It begins with honesty and vulnerability, so – as long as you’re in a safe and trusting relationship – talk to your partner(s) about how you’re feeling, what’s going on for you, and how you’d like to address it. If you want them to do or not to something specific, ask for it. If you just want their patience and understanding while you adjust, ask for that.

Fight Shame and Self-Blame

Sexual side effects often bring a lot of shame. You might feel as though there’s something wrong with you, or worry that you’re letting your partner(s) down. Some people even feel as though their masculinity, femininity, or sense of sexual identity is threatened.

There is absolutely no shame in what you’re going through right now. Orgasm problems and loss of sex drive are still stigmatised and, unfortunately, so are certain types of medication such as antidepressants. However, please try to avoid getting into a shame cycle or blaming yourself. But sexual side effects are incredibly normal, and most of us will be on medication that will impact our sexuality at some point in our lives.

If you’re struggling with shame, reach out to others who have had similar experiences, ask your partner(s) for reassurance and support, or talk to a therapist.

Check Out These Resources to Help You Navigate Sexual Side Effects

Wherever you are in your journey with medication and navigating sexual side effects, these are a few resources I recommend. As always, pick the ones that sound most useful to you!

If you find my work useful, you can help me keep doing this by buying me a coffee! This post contains affiliate links.

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Five Lessons I’ve Learned About Reclaiming Pleasure After Sexual Assault

Published on by Amy

Pleasure can be far from simple for all kinds of reasons, and after sexual assault or other kinds of sexual trauma, finding joy in intimacy and in your sexuality again can feel like an insurmountable task.

Disclaimer: I’m a survivor and a trauma-informed sexuality writer and educator. I am not a psychotherapist, psychologist, or any form of medical or mental health professional. Nothing here can or should replace competent, professional advice and support.

The first and most important thing I want you to take away from this post is this: your journey is your own and wherever you are now is okay. There is no correct way to recover from sexual trauma and there is no set path. Everyone’s experience is different and numerous factors impact healing.

This is not a how-to guide. It’s just a set of lessons I’ve learned that have helped me in my ongoing journey towards healing. Maybe they’ll help you too. Or maybe you’ll find something completely different that works for you! Either way is wonderful.

Pleasure and Intimacy After Sexual Trauma is Not a Linear Journey

Recovery is not a straight line. You won’t just get better and better each day until suddenly you wake up and find that you’re fully healed. At least, I don’t know any survivors whose experience has been this way.

You’ll have good days and bad days. Sometimes you might feel like you take two steps forward and one back. All of this is normal. Intimacy after sexual trauma is complicated, multi-faceted, and messy. You don’t need to berate yourself if it’s harder today than it was yesterday.

Be where you are today. Wherever that is, it’s okay.

A Healthy Sexual Relationship With Yourself Can Be Immensely Healing

Sex doesn’t have to involve another person unless you want it to. In fact, masturbation and other forms of self-touch, both sexual and non-sexual, can be a valuable part of healing from sexual violence and reclaiming pleasure as a radical act of self-love after trauma. Reclaiming intimacy after trauma includes intimacy with yourself.

Masturbation and solo sex is something you do entirely for yourself. You don’t have to perform or worry about pleasing someone else. You don’t even need to involve your genitals at all, if you don’t want to. The only agenda is to touch yourself in the ways that feel good, and stop when you want to stop.

Self-touch is a wonderful way to get to know ourselves, to be kind and loving and gentle with ourselves. Pay attention to your body and what feels good. Do you just want to run your hands over your skin for now? Perfect, do that. Does using a wand vibrator through your clothes help you access pleasure in a way that feels safe? Amazing.

Healing From Trauma is For You and You Don’t Owe Your Sexuality to Anyone

Many survivors feel anxious to recover from or “get over” their trauma because they want to be able to give their partner sex (or certain kind of sex.) Sometimes this pressure comes from the partner. Other times, the partner is completely supportive and this pressure is internal.

Either way: your healing is for you. Your trauma is yours and your sexuality is yours. You don’t owe it to anyone.

Yes, it’s wonderful to be able to share awesome sex with your partner(s) if you want to. But reclaiming intimacy after trauma has to be for yourself first. No-one has the right to access to your body. Not even if you’ve been married for fifty years.

You can heal with other people. In fact, love and support are essential for recovering from trauma. But you can’t heal for somebody else, and you don’t owe your partner(s) a certain kind of recovery.

There is No “Correct” Version of Healthy Sexuality After Trauma

Pleasure is personal and it can look countless different ways. A healthy relationship with your sexuality means something different to everyone.

Sadly, a lot of people still believe that the only correct sex is penetrative, heterosexual, monogamous, vanilla, and within the context of a serious relationship. Survivors of trauma who identify as queer, non-monogamous, kinky, asexual, demisexual, or highly sexual may find themselves pathologised, with professionals and loved ones alike attributing their identities and experiences to their trauma. This is tremendously damaging to survivors and is another form of taking away our agency.

Reclaiming pleasure after trauma means that you get to decide how your sexuality looks. If it’s happy, risk-aware, and consensual, you’re doing it right.

The Hardest Lesson About Intimacy and Pleasure After Sexual Trauma: Some Things Might Never Go Back to the Way They Were

I still grieve for the Amy who never met her abuser. I still grieve for the version of me who didn’t get pressured into sex in her teens, who didn’t lose half her twenties to psychological abuse, who didn’t get raped at a party in her thirties. Honestly? I will probably always carry that grief.

When it comes to reclaiming pleasure and intimacy after trauma, the hardest thing for me to learn was that some things will never be the way they might have been in that alternate timeline.

Because abuse, assault, violence? It changes us. It has a deep, profound, and lasting impact. I know that the things I’ve experienced will, in some ways, be with me forever. I’ll never go back to the way I was before.

But I am starting, in some small ways, to be okay with that. Nothing stays the same forever, and every experience we have shapes and molds us. So no, I’ll never be the person I might have been without those experiences. But I can grow into someone else. She might even be someone great.

If you need crisis support after sexual violence, please contact RAINN in the USA and Rape Crisis in the UK.

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What is Consent? 10 Fundamentals Everyone Needs to Understand

Published on by Amy

Most of us think we know what consent is in sex, relationships, and beyond. But when you start to look at it more closely, the “what is consent?” question becomes murkier and far more complex. That’s why I’ve put together a quick consent 101 with ten fundamentals you need to know.

If you asked most people what consent is, their answer would likely relate to sex. And yes, sexual consent is obviously vital. But if we only apply consent to sex, we’re missing out a lot of vital steps.

Instead, I’d like us to think of consent as something we apply in all areas of our lives. If your child doesn’t want to hug or kiss a relative, don’t make them. When your partner tells you they hate being tickled, don’t take it as a challenge. If your friend has decided to quit alcohol, don’t push them to drink. And so on.

If we normalise respecting people’s choices and autonomy in all areas of life, it becomes easier to normalise informed consent as a minimum standard for sex.

Consenting to something in one context doesn’t imply that the person consents to it in another setting or situation. I might love my partner casually grabbing my ass in the kitchen while we’re cooking dinner. That doesn’t mean I want them to do it when I’m on a work call.

Never assume that consent in Context A implies consent in Context B. If you’re not sure, ask.

Consent is inherently person-specific. In other words, consenting to something with one person doesn’t mean you’ll agree to it with someone else. This one should really be self-evident. Unfortunately, in a world where prior consensual sexual activity with someone else is still widely used to discredit survivors of sexual violence, it still needs reiterating.

Consent is as much about what happens when someone says “no” as when they say “yes.” To be meaningful, consent must be revocable. In other words, all parties must be able to stop an activity or interaction at any point.

Even if you’re in a 24/7 D/s relationship, consent is never, ever irreversible. If consent can’t be revoked, you don’t have a relationship, you have a hostage situation.

Consent that’s given without all pertinent information isn’t really consent at all. Lying, deliberately omitting information, or misrepresenting the situation to obtain consent renders it meaningless.

Consent to Activity A doesn’t imply consent to Activity B. If I’ve consented to kiss you, that doesn’t mean you can touch my genitals without asking. If I say you can tie me up, that doesn’t mean you also get to spank me unless I say you can.

Never assume that someone is up for something based on their having consented to something different. If there’s any doubt, ask or check in.

Consent is active, not passive. A lack of saying no is not a yes. Sadly, I still hear “well, they didn’t say no” used as a defense for violating consent.

Is the other person actively engaged in whatever you’re doing together? Are they responding positively? If not, pause and check in. If they shrug, say something non-committal, go quiet, or otherwise seem uncomfortable, stop.

Standard sex education in schools is too often based on a “boys push, girls say no” model. This was certainly the consent 101 education I received. But this is a gross over-simplification of what consent is and how it works. This model also harms everyone. It normalises men pressuring women for sex, it completely invisibilises male victims of sexual violence, and it’s cisheteronormative.

Consent is everyone’s responsibility, regardless of gender, orientation, or identity. Everyone needs to learn how to seek consent, how to give or withhold it, and how to accept a “no” with grace.

As a general rule, I’m a proponent of allowing informed and consenting adults to make the best decisions for themselves. However, this principle has its limits. There are some things one cannot reasonably consent to. Following the murder of Grace Millane, the UK outlawed use of the so-called “rough sex defense” in murder trials.

Here’s a great article from my friend Franki Cookney on why this defense is an antithesis to what consensual kink is all about. The bottom line? Fun, consensual kink doesn’t cause serious harm. People cannot consent to GBH or death.

This is the hardest one to swallow, and yet the most essential. We are, all of us, imperfect. I’ve made consent mistakes in the past, and I’m sure you have too.

But making a mistake or fucking up in good faith doesn’t make you a terrible person. It makes you human. Apologise, change your behaviour, and learn from the incident so you don’t cause the same harm again. Doing our best, operating in good faith, and sincerely seeking to improve when you make a misstep is how we prevent small consent mistakes from becoming big violations.

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[Toy Review] Hot Octopuss Jett

Published on by Amy

Hot Octopuss originally rose to prominence with toys for penis owners, most notably the famed Pulse. The company’s newest offering, the Hot Octopuss Jett, landed in my review queue this week and Mr C&K was kind enough to help me test it for you all.

What Is the Hot Octopuss Jett?

The Hot Octopuss Jett is an interesting cock-ring/vibrator combo. Its main body is a three-part silicone sleeve: one hole is for the penis to go through, and the other two fit the Jett’s two removable bullet vibrators. The bullets are attached with wires to the remote control, which also houses the batteries.

The Hot Octopuss Jett

On a person with a penis, the toy is designed to be worn against the frenulum, just below the tip of the penis. Like this:

The Hot Octopuss Jett on the Godemiche Adam dildo
Stunt cock: Godemiche Adam

The stretchy sleeve expands as the penis engorges, and the toy purports to deliver hands-free orgasms to penis owners. Not having the required anatomy, I cannot comment from personal experience. Other reviews I’ve read, though, imply that this is a pretty accurate summary.

The Hot Octopuss Jett requires four A batteries, which are not included. It comes with a silky Hot Octopuss branded storage bag. Take the batteries out in between uses and they’ll last longer.

The Jett’s sling is made of body-safe silicone, and the bullets and remote are ABS plastic. The Jett bullets are not waterproof, so don’t submerge them in water and take care when cleaning the toy.

Hot Octopuss Jett Review: All About the Bass (and Treble)

So here’s the ridiculously cool thing about the Hot Octopuss Jett: the two bullets vibrate at different frequencies! In sex toy parlance, that means that one of the vibrators is super deep and rumbly, while the other is more surface-level and buzzy. Combined, they provide an intense, two-layered stimulation.

Each bullet has six intensity settings. Because you can control the speed of each bullet independently, you can adjust them until you find the combo that’s perfect for you. It’s basically two vibrators in one.

The buttons are large plus/minus symbols, easy to press and to feel without looking. Pro tip: before you start playing, take a second to work out which button is controlling which bullet. The last thing you want is to turn the wrong one down at a critical moment!

The Hot Octopuss Jett control panel

The Jett also has 10 vibration patterns you can scroll through using the small button in the middle of the remote.

Hot Octopuss Jett Review: In Use

There’s never just one way to use a sex toy. (I mean, sometimes there are zero ways that make any sense whatsoever, but I digress). Therefore, being the creative sex blogger that I am, I thought I’d set out to find ways to use the Hot Octopuss Jett as a vulva toy.

The most obvious use is to simply detach the bullets from the sleeve and use one or both of them as a clitoral vibrator. I tried this first, and fucking hell.

The rumbly bullet (that’s the “Bass” side) is packing some serious power. I’m not exaggerating when I say this is the most powerful and rumbly battery-powered toy I’ve ever tried. Many rechargeables cannot hold a candle to this. If you like power and rumbles, and don’t mind some slightly fiddly wires, look no further. The Hot Octopuss Jett brought me to orgasm in under 5 minutes, which is an extremely impressive feat for anything that isn’t a mains wand.

Naturally, I tried the buzzy side (the “Treble”) too. It wasn’t bad, as buzzy vibes go, but I’m just not really a fan in general. If you like more surface-level vibrations, though, it might suit you fine.

The other way for vulva owners to use this toy is to keep both bullets in the sleeve and press it against the clit. The advantage of doing it this way is that you can use the cock ring part as a little handle, or even slide two fingers through it and hold the toy in place that way.

The Hot Octopuss Jett in a womans hand

This method was a success, too. The silicone dampens the intensity of the vibrations a little, but not too much. This is the best way to use this toy on a vulva if you want to make the most of the treble/bass combo and the combined power of both bullets.

One little complaint: one of the wires tends to come loose during use, causing one of the bullets to cut out. Luckily it’s the buzzier bullet that has this issue on my Jett, so I don’t care as much, but it’s still kinda annoying.

Verdict

I love the Hot Octopuss Jett. Yes, it’s designed with penises in mind, but it’s brilliant for vulvas too. New to sex toys and not sure if you like buzzy or rumbly vibes? The Jett is a great and relatively inexpensive way to try both and see what you prefer.

The Jett retails for a £59.99.

Thanks to Hot Octopuss for sending me the Jett to review. All views, as ever, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Several kinds of birth control. For an essay on how I don't want children and being childfree by choice

I Don’t Want Children (and That Doesn’t Mean There’s Anything Wrong with Me)

Published on by Amy3 Comments

I don’t want to have children.

Ever.

I think I was seventeen the first time I uttered that sentence out loud. My then-boyfriend and I had discussed how many children we’d have someday, and what their names would be. Because that’s what you did when you were in a loving relationship, wasn’t it? Get married, buy a house, get a dog, then have children. Even though I have long had complicated feelings about marriage, I’m more of a cat person, and… I don’t want children.

I’d not yet heard the phrase “childfree by choice” when I realised that parenthood didn’t fit with the vision I had for my future. I wanted to write, I wanted to travel, I wanted to adopt animals and make a home with my partner. But could I see myself as a mother? Every time I thought about it, it just didn’t fit.

Why Are People More Concerned About Hypothetical Children Than About My Happiness?

I’ve been polyamorous my entire adult life. Whenever I come out to someone, one of the first questions I get asked is how this will impact my children someday.

Firstly, there is no compelling evidence to suggest polyamorous families are inherently worse for children than monogamous ones (and plenty of evidence to suggest that kids raised in poly households can thrive!) Second, and more important in my case: I don’t want children. I’m never having any, and I don’t date people who have them, so the impact of my polyamory on them is a completely moot hypothetical argument.

I think this speaks to the broader habit of calling childfree by choice women “selfish.”

Since I was a teenager, I’ve been told I’d change my mind and that I was too young to make this choice. (Ironically, I think I will be “too young to make this choice” until the day I become “too old to have kids” in the eyes of society.) The implication is that these hypothetical, unborn, unconceived, never-going-to-exist children matter more than the happiness of an actual living, breathing, already-existing human.

How Being Childfree By Choice Has Impacted My Dating Life

Honestly, it really hasn’t.

I’ve always been very upfront about the fact that I don’t want children at the start of any new relationship, casual or otherwise. This allows prospective partners to self-select out if this doesn’t work for them. I have a strong preference to date other people who are committed to the childfree by choice life, and I won’t have anything but a very casual relationship with anyone who has children or wants them in the future. There is no point wasting each other’s time if our big picture life goals don’t match.

I use two methods of birth control at all time, and I’ve always been very clear with anyone I have potentially pregnancy-causing sex with that an accidental pregnancy will result in a hasty abortion and that this is not up for debate.

How Do I Know I Won’t Regret It?

I know because every time I allow myself to imagine being a parent, I am filled with an immediate and visceral sense of “absolutely the fuck not.”

Can I 1000% guarantee I won’t wish I’d had kids when I’m 70? Of course not. But I think it’s tremendously unlikely, given how much I love my life as it is. I have loving partners, friends, and chosen family. I’m not going to end up alone. And really, is a vague fear of being alone at some unspecified point in the future a good reason to bring a new life into this world? I don’t think it is.

If I pushed myself to become a parent out of some misguided sense of duty or pressure, I think I’d regret that.

Late last year, my nesting partner Mr C&K had a vasectomy. My risk of unintended pregnancy was low already (thanks, Mirena!) but that decision removed any remaining possibility. When it was done, all we vboth felt was an overwhelming, searing relief. No lingering “what if?” No sadness for what might have been. Just, thank God, that’s one less thing to worry about.

I Don’t Want Children, But That Doesn’t Make Me Heartless

“There’s something deeply wrong with women who don’t want children.” I still remember overhearing someone say this, and the countless times I’ve heard similar sentiments. It’s not usually quite as overt as this, but the implicit question underlying all the bullshit that’s thrown at childfree women is “what’s wrong with you?”

Nothing is wrong with me.

I’m not broken. This decision isn’t the result of some unresolved trauma. I’m not missing a piece of my heart. I’m not selfish. I don’t hate children. I’m perfectly capable of love. I literally just don’t want to be a mother. I’m comfortable with that. I wish the rest of the world was.

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Five of the Best Virtual Date Ideas

Published on by Amy

I wrote the first iteration of this post during the height of the first COVID-19 lockdown. Separated from my then-boyfriend by the pandemic for almost a year and a half, getting creative with our virtual date ideas became essential.

Thankfully, the lockdown days are long behind us (and so is that relationship, but that’s another story.) But there are so many other reasons why you might want to keep a few virtual date ideas up your sleeve. In a long distance relationship, separated by work travel or family obligations, or feeling too under the weather to meet up in person? If so, here are five of my best virtual date ideas to get you started.

Movie Night

You can use an app like Watch Party to share a virtual movie night, but it’s just as easy to sync up and hit “play” on your Netflix or DVD player at the same time… or even both watch the same movie as it’s being shown on TV (retro!)

You can video, voice or text-chat while you watch, if you wish, or just call each other afterwards and talk about the movie. Pop some popcorn and dim the lights for the full cinematic experience.

Enjoy a Virtual Museum Tour with Your Date

Did you know that museums all over the world have virtual tours of their galleries and exhibitions available online? These offerings exploded during the early days of the pandemic, but many are still offering them several years later.

Meet online to explore a virtual museum and video or voice-chat while you wander around. Check out this list for some virtual museum date ideas and inspiration!

Night at the Theatre

There was a time when live theatre was only accessible to people who would get to major cities and afford the often-exorbitant ticket prices. Cinemas have been live streaming selected shows for years for a fraction of the price of seeing them live, but now thanks to streaming there are hundreds of plays, musicals, ballets, operas, and more that you can watch from the comfort of your couch.

Pick a show, sync up, and hit play. Bonuses of the virtual theatre: you can wear your pyjamas if you want to, your bed is probably comfier than an actual theatre seat, and the drinks are cheaper!

Check out Come From Away on Apple TV+, Hamilton on Disney+, and Next to Normal or The Importance of Being Earnest on NT at Home for some of my faves.

Looking for Fancy Virtual Date Ideas? Try a Cheese and Wine Party

If you’re feeling fancy, why not share an online cheese and wine tasting with your sweetie? Get some interesting cheeses from the supermarket or, better yet, a local farmers’ market or deli. Pick up a bottle of wine or two, or your favourite non-alcoholic alternative. Then enjoy your treats and compare notes on your favourites while you video-chat with one another.

To take it up a notch, dress in your most fabulously extra outfits. Pyjamas work too, of course!

Hot Virtual Sex Date

Of course I wouldn’t be me without saying that some hot online sex is one of the best virtual date ideas of all. It’s fun, it’s free, and it’s a great way to keep your sexual connection alive no matter how far apart you are.

Set aside the time to completely focus on each other and get lost in some deliciously hot phone sex, sexting, or cyber-sex. An app-controlled sex toy can put your pleasure in your partner’s hands from anywhere in the world. Want to kink it up? I have ideas for that, too.

Header image for a review of the We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Nova 2

Published on by Amy3 Comments

Dual-stimulation sex toys are very, very hard to get right. Given all the beautiful variety of bodies and vulvas, it’s not surprising that most dual-stim toys leave a lot of users feeling disappointed. Add to that the ever-present shitty motors, weak vibrations, and annoyingly placed controls, and you can see why I rarely expect much from these products. So keep this context in mind we dive into another We-Vibe review, and I’ll tell you all about the WeVibe Nova 2 and why it blew me away.

WeVibe Nova 2: Details

The We-Vibe Nova 2 is an updated, upgraded version of the classic and much-loved Nova. It is a rabbit style dual-stimulation vibrator featuring an adjustable internal arm, a flexible external arm for clitoral stimulation, and two separate motors.

The We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

The WeVibe Nova 2 is made from body-safe matte silicone in a vibrant dark pink colour. I always recommend using lube, especially with insertable toys. Silicone toys pair best with water-based lubes.

The Nova 2 is also fully waterproof, rechargeable (giving about 2 hours’ play for a 90 minute charge.) It comes with a white silky storage bag included. It is 8.5 inches in total length, of which 5 are insertable. The insertable arm is 1.35 inches in diameter at the widest point, making it a fairly slimline toy.

We-Vibe Nova Review: How Is It Different From Other Rabbit Vibrators?

The beauty of the WeVibe Nova 2 is in its adjustability. The insertable arm is on a hinge, allowing you to bend it to the angle that best fits your body. This is brilliant because everyone’s vagina is different. The exact location of the G-spot, the intensity of pressure we prefer, and the depth of penetration that is pleasurable is different for everyone. Just reposition it once and it’ll stay put until you move it again.

The clitoral stimulator is flexible and curved in a way that can best be described as resembling a finger doing a “come hither” motion. The advertising copy boasts that this design ensures “constant contact with your clitoris”. I am pleased to report that it really did work that way for me!

The We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

I can’t overstate how much of a game-changer this design for the external arm is. One of the biggest problems people report with rabbit vibrators is being unable to thrust with them or adjust the angle of the insertable arm without losing clitoral contact. This innovative product has finally cracked that problem.

WeVibe Nova 2: Motors, Controls, and App Functionality

If there’s one thing I have come to expect from We-Vibe products, it’s decent motors. From the bullet that redefined bullet vibes to that brilliant wand, they have not disappointed yet.

In that respect, the WeVibe Nova 2 lived up to expectations. Both motors pack a punch in the power department. The internal arm is buzzier than the external, but that suits me just fine – I don’t really like vibrations inside (or only very gentle ones) but strong, rumbly clit stimulation is where it’s at.

Unlike some app-controlled toys I’ve tried, the Nova’s app function seems more like a nice add-on than an absolute necessity. The controls on the toy itself are adequate. Using the 5 buttons you can turn the speed up or down, switch through patterns (BOTH WAYS, praise the sex toy gods,) and control which arm is in use. You can use either motor separately or both together.

The buttons of the We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator

What you can’t do using the buttons on the toy is change the speed of the two motors independently while they’re both on. They either have to be running on the same speed, or one has to be off. If you want to have more precise control, you do need to use the app.

The We-Connect app is free from the Android and iOS app stores and takes about two minutes to set up. You sync the app to the Nova via Bluetooth. Once you’re connected, you can also give the control to a partner – from anywhere in the world – via the app. The responsiveness lags a little at times, especially if one of you has an unstable internet connection, but is otherwise functional.

When the WeVibe Nova 2 is paired, you’ll see a split screen depicting two wave patterns, one representing each motor. You can change the intensity of one or both with a swipe of your finger. In the next tab, you can play with different combinations of patterns and settings to find one that works for you… or even create your own!

Verdict

The WeVibe Nova 2 is a rare find: a dual-stimulation toy that I feel confident recommending because it is likely to suit a wider range of bodies! The strong motors and unique posable design make the Nova 2 a winner in my eyes.

The Nova 2 retails for £119.99/$159 and is available from Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney US, SheVibe, Good Vibes, Babeland, We-Vibe Europe, and We-Vibe North America.

Thank you to Wow Tech for sending me the We-Vibe Nova 2 to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views, as always, are my own unbiased opinions.

Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls

Published on by Amy1 Comment

The first time I reviewed a set of pleasure balls (also known as kegel balls, ben-wa balls, or kegel exercisers,) I did a dive into the scientific literature concerning these are-they-a-sex-toy-or-are-they-a-wellness-product? Check that out if you’re interested in learning more. Today we’re looking at the Excite kegel balls from the Lovehoney Excite range.

Excite Pleasure Balls: Details

The Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls are two firm, connected balls coated in silicone. They have a long tail for easy removal, and each ball has a free-moving weight inside for added stimulation. The total weight is 73g. (If you’re looking for something a bit heavier, Lovehoney also offer the 90g “Main Squeeze” kegel balls, which I’m also a fan of.)

The purple Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls

The total insertable length is around 3 inches, and each ball is 1.4″ in diameter.

Lovehoney Kegel Balls: In Use

I’ve always found Lovehoney to be a good place to buy decent basic products at affordable prices, and these are no exception. The Excite Pleasure Balls are easy to insert and comfortable to wear, thanks to the smooth surface and soft silicone.

The purple Lovehoney Excite Pleasure Balls

The jiggle weights inside allow for subtle but noticeable stimulation, rolling around inside you as you move. Unlike some other kegel balls I’ve tried, these felt snug and secure once inside and I never feared they were going to fall out.

The silicone tail feels flimsy at first glance, but is actually extremely strong. So don’t worry about not being able to get the balls out again!

Pro Tips for Maximum Pleasure and Safety

  • Always use plenty of water-based lube.
  • Try leaving your Excite Pleasure Balls in while you do clitoral or anal play.
  • Wearing them out and about during the day can be super sexy and fun. But don’t try it with no practice! Start out using your kegel balls for no more than 10-15 minutes. You can always build up to longer periods of wear.
  • Sterilise your kegel balls between every use using the boil method.
  • Someone on Lovehoney recommended pulling them out (or having a partner pull them out) at the point of orgasm. I haven’t tried this, but imagine it could be fun!

Excite Pleasure Balls: Verdict

A solid and fun little toy for the price. Get yourself a set for £12.99 ($18.99 US) from Lovehoney.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Excite Pleasure Balls to review. All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear within this post.

Header image for a review of the Doxy Die Cast

[Toy Review] Doxy Die Cast

Published on by Amy3 Comments

UPDATE July 2026: Doxy has undergone some major changes, and the Doxy Die Cast featured in this review has been discontinued along with various other legacy products. However, it has been replaced with the Die Cast Max Plug-In which boasts the same power and features we know and love, and is now available for pre-order.

I’ve been a pretty major Doxy fangirl ever since I received my first Doxy wand as a 25th birthday gift. (What can I say? Mr C&K is a keeper!) So naturally I wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity to review the Doxy Die Cast, the metal version of the iconic wand.

And holy fuck, y’all.

Doxy Die Cast Wand Massager: Details

Doxy, a British company based in Cornwall, launched in 2013 to be the UK’s answer to the famed Magic Wand, AKA the Hitachi. It’s safe to say they met and exceeded that goal, as Doxy products are now sold and renowned globally.

Doxy Die Cast wand massagers in a range of colours
Image: Doxy

The Doxy Die Cast is a large, mains-powered wand vibrator. Though similar in design to the Doxy Original, it differs in a few key ways. First, the body is made of metal, and specifically an aluminium/titanium alloy. Second, the head cover is made of a firm silicone. According to the manufacturer, the Doxy Die Cast wand vibrates at speeds of 3000-9000 RPM and offers 56% more intensity than the Doxy Original and 125% more than the Die Cast 3.

Is this the most powerful wand vibrator ever created? It might be.

The Doxy Die Cast measures 37 cm in length. It has a a head diameter of 6 cm, and weighs a hefty 690g. The cable is 3 metres (10 feet) long.

Mine came in a sturdy, zip-up case which is ideal for both transporting it and keeping it safe in storage. However, I believe this was limited edition and they’re now shipped with a storage bag instead. All Doxy products are non-waterproof.

Doxy Die Cast in pink poking out of a black storage bag
Image: Doxy

Doxy Die Cast Review: Why I Love This Wand So Much

The Doxy Die Cast is absurdly beautiful. I can’t stop looking at it. There are multiple colourways available, and occasional limited-edition special drops. You can also request a custom wand, if you like. Mine is purple and it’s the most gorgeously bright, vibrant colour.

The Doxy Die Cast Wand Massager in purple in its case

It has a simple three-button interface, with up/down speed controls. These buttons are easy to press and have LED lights, making them easy to see in low-light environments.

The Doxy Die Cast’s neck is slightly flexible for comfort and easy positioning, but not so flexible it’s impossible to get any decent pressure from it. I can press it firmly into my vulva without it moving annoyingly away.

Most importantly of all, of course, is the power. I could feel every one of those incredible 9000 RPM through the Doxy’s firm silicone head (and surprisingly few of them through the handle, which was a pleasant surprise!) It’s not only strong, but so deeply rumbly that the Doxy Die Cast can get me off through my clothing in a matter of minutes.

Not Just for Clits (And Other Pro Tips)

The Doxy Die Cast was designed with clitoral stimulation in mind, and it does a damn fine job of it. But why stop there? If you have a penis, vibrations can also be intensely pleasurable. Try holding the wand against the underside of your cock, or running it over your whole genital area.

You might also try…

  • …pairing it with a wand attachment, such as a penis stroker or a G-spot attachment
  • …pressing it against the base of a dildo or butt plug for intense internal stimulation
  • …using a wand mount to hold it in place. This can be particularly helpful if the Doxy Die Cast is too heavy for you to hold for long periods of time. For a makeshift version, stack a couple of pillows, put the wand on them, and straddle or lie on top of it. The pillows and your body weight will anchor it in place.

Get creative! There are always numerous ways to use a sex toy.

Doxy Die Cast: Verdict

I knew I was going to love this product, and I love it even more than I expected to. Ten thousand out of ten, Doxy. No notes.

The Doxy Die Cast (old version) is available from retailers such as Shevibe. The NEW Die Cast Max Plug-In is available to pre-order directly from Doxy.

Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are mine.

Header image for a review of the Dame Arc vibrator

[Toy Review] Dame Arc Silicone G-Spot Vibrator

Published on by Amy

Sometimes, I unbox a toy and within two minutes I know exactly what my review is likely to say. I’ll sometimes be proven wrong in the course of the testing process but, well, I’ve been at this job a while now. More often than not, my first impressions are bang on. I opened up the Dame Arc Silicone G-Spot Vibrator and very quickly ascertained that my review was most likely going to say, “great shape, shit vibrations.”

Reader, I was not wrong.

Dame Arc: Details

The Dame Arc is a curved silicone vibrator with a ridged bulb tip, designed for G-spot stimulation. It is 7.5″ in total length and 4.5″ insertable. It’s waterproof, USB rechargeable via the included cable, and has a travel lock function.

The Dame Arc silicone G-spot vibrator

I hate this toy’s outer packaging! It comes in a white, pink and blue box with a line illustration of the toy, and frankly the aesthetic makes me think of a medical device. Not sexy. Unless that’s your kink, I guess.

The Dame Arc vibrator's external packaging. Picture by Lovehoney.

When you remove the outer sleeve, you find a plain pink box the same colour as the vibrator.

The Dame Arc comes in several colours including pink, purple, and ice blue. It comes with a drawstring storage pouch featuring the Dame Products logo. It is made of body-safe silicone, which is super soft and nice to handle. The toy’s body is rigid and it has very little “squish.”

Dame Arc Review: Great Shape

The shape of this toy is fantastic! It curves in exactly the right way to get that delicious come-hither motion against my G-spot, and the bulbed head is firm but not too hard.

The Dame Arc silicone G-spot vibrator

It’s comfortable to hold and easy to manipulate, with an ergonomic handle shape. The buttons are also sensibly placed on the underside of the curve (so they point upwards when the toy is inserted) and the controls are intuitive. There’s one on/off button that is also used to cycle between the 5 patterns, and up/down controls to control the 5 levels of intensity.

Dame Arc Review: Shit Vibrations

The Dame Arc’s vibrations are pretty pathetic.

Since I’m much more of a clitoral than a G-spot gal when it comes to vibrations, I decided to test this toy on my clit as well as internally. My clit was halfway to numb before I got anything approaching an orgasm out of it.

Obviously not everyone is into the kind of high-powered vibrations that I’m into, but in my anecdotal experience the overwhelming majority of people with vulvas would take stronger and rumblier vibrations over this weak, buzzy offering.

What I’m saying is: if you like gentle vibrations, sure, get this toy. (Except don’t because it’s a hundred fucking quid and a $25 equivalent will do the same thing.)

Verdict

Meh.

I’ll definitely be using this toy again, but I’ll leave it switched off and use it as a G-spot dildo. I highly doubt I’ll ever reach for it again for the vibrations.

The Dame Arc is also too expensive for what it is. You can get an excellent curved G-spot dildo for less than half the price, and the Queen of G-spot toys for only £30 more. There are both better and cheaper vibrators out there.

So yeah. I called it. Great shape, shit vibrations.

You can buy the Arc from retailers such as Good Vibes and Babeland, where it retails for $99.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Dame Arc to review. All views, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.