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Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo

Published on by Amy

It’s time for another glass dildo review! I love glass toys and they’re amongst the most affordable types of body-safe sex toys. Let’s take a look at Lovehoney’s beaded and gently curved glass dildo.

Lovehoney Beaded and Curved Glass Dildo: Details

The Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo

The Lovehoney Beaded Glass Dildo is a gently curved, handblown glass dildo. It’s made up of 6 pronounced bulbs which get progressively larger from top to bottom. It measures 9″ in total length and 7″ in insertable length. The widest point of the insertable shaft is 1.35″.

These dimensions might not sound huge, but remember that glass is completely rigid. Unlike materials such as silicone, it has no give at all. Therefore you’ll want to make sure you’re properly warmed up before using a glass dildo.

Just to clear up something you’re probably wondering if you’re new to my glass dildo reviews: yes, glass toys are body-safe! It is non-toxic and non-porous. Borosilicate glass, the kind most commonly used for glass sex toys, is the same stuff that glass cookware is made of, and it’s pretty tough. Your glass dildo is not going to break inside you. However, if you drop it on a hard floor, you should retire it as there might be hairline cracks you can’t see.

The Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo

Lovehoney Beaded Glass Dildo Review: In Use

I’ve found that I need to work up to this toy, starting out with either fingers or a smaller and softer dildo. I have also learned that, for me at least, glass dildos aren’t ideal for thrusting. Instead, I prefer to use them to create a feeling of pressure against my G-spot, either holding the dildo still or gently wiggling it once it’s inserted.

I love the beaded and curved design of this dildo. The curve is perfect for reaching my G-spot, and the graded bead sizes allow for comfortable insertion and a gradual build-up. The beads also stimulate the sensitive nerves around the vaginal opening.

Other Fun Ways to Use Your Glass Toy

  • If you enjoy internal vibrations, either vaginally or anally, press a powerful vibrator against the base of your glass dildo when it’s inside you. The glass will transmit the vibrations directly to your G-spot or prostate.
  • Glass dildos are made for temperature play! Pop your dildo in the fridge for 20 minutes before play, or run it under warm (not hot!) water for a minute or two.
The Lovehoney Sensual Beaded Glass Dildo

The Lovehoney beaded glass dildo is also suitable for anal use (just leave the last one or two beads outside for easy retrieval.) Remember: lube is even more important than usual with rigid toys, whether you’re using them vaginally or anally.

Beaded Glass Dildo Review: Verdict

I love this dildo. Great design, body-safe, and retailing at a ridiculously affordable £34.99/$39.99, I thoroughly recommend it.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this glass dildo to test and review. All views, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header for a review of the Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug

Published on by Amy

I love a glass sex toy! Ever since I first held a glass dildo in my hands at a fetish market sometime circa 2010 and knew I just had to buy it, I’ve had a huge thing for them. Glass is brilliant for a number of reasons. It’s body-safe (more on that in a minute). It’s rigid, unyeilding and just insistent. And it’s just so pretty! So it was lovely to find the Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug in my package of Masturbation Month goodies from Lovehoney, and I thought it’d be fun to review it for you all.

The Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug

Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Plug: Details

The Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Plug is a classic glass butt plug. It’s smooth, gently tapered, and has a good sized flared base (which is very important for anything going in your butt!)

The Pure Pleasure Plug is 4.5 inches in length, of which just over 4 inches are insertable. It is made of clear glass and has the Lovehoney heart insignia stamped on the base.

The Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug

It also comes with a little black velvety storage pouch with a pink drawstring. This is both cute and helps to keep your toy safe in storage.

Are Glass Sex Toys Safe?

Yes!

Glass sex toys are made of borosilicate glass, which is annealed to make it very tough and hardwearing. The chances of your glass butt plug breaking in use are near zero.

If you drop it on a hard surface, though, you should retire it – even if it looks fine. This can damage the glass in ways that aren’t immediately visible, compromising its safety.

Clean your Pure Pleasure Plug with warm water and gentle soap, a sterile medical wipe, or a 10% bleach solution. I’m squeamish about sharing anal toys, but it is safe to do so as long as you completely sterilise it between users. The Pure Pleasure Plug is condom-compatible.

Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Glass Butt Plug Review: In Use

I love this plug.

Let me clarify: I need to be warmed up well in order to comfortably use this plug. It works best after I’ve used a smaller plug in a softer material like silicone, been well warmed up with fingers, or had a clitoral orgasm already.

The Lovehoney Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug

Glass toys have no give at all. Some people find them uncomfortable for this reason. Those of us who love them tend to enjoy the challenge of taking a solid, unyeilding toy.

As glass plugs go, the Lovehoney Pure Pleasure butt plug is pretty comfy! The gentle taper makes insertion comfortable and means that nothing digs in anywhere it shouldn’t.

This is definitely a “play plug” for me. It’s too heavy and too solid to be practical for wearing for longer periods of time while I go about my day. A silicone plug works better for that purpose.

Some Fun Things to Try with Your Pure Pleasure Plug

One of the fun things about glass toys like the Lovehoney Pure Pleasure butt plug is that they can be used for temperature play. You can cool your glass butt plug by popping it in the fridge for 20 minutes before play, or warm it by running it under warm (NOT hot) water for a few moments.

I also enjoy the way that glass conducts vibrations. If you enjoy vibrations, try pressing a wand or other powerful vibrator against the base of your plug when it’s inside you. This is particularly pleasurable for many people with prostates, but can be enjoyed by anyone! People with vulvas may find that this indirectly stimulates the G-spot, which can be super hot.

Lovehoney Glass Butt Plug Review: Verdict

This is a great little plug for the price! The Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug retails for just £19.99/$24.99 at Lovehoney. Don’t forget to grab some good quality lube to go with it!

I’m partnering with Lovehoney, who kindly sent me the Pure Pleasure Sensual Glass Butt Plug to review, to bring you #MasturbationMay content all month long! Shopping through the affiliate links in this post supports my work at no extra cost to you. All views, as ever, are my own.

Header image for a review of Bliss Orgasm Balm

[Better Sex Products Review] Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm

Published on by Amy4 Comments

Pleasure can be far from simple. Some people find it difficult to orgasm, experience pain or discomfort during sex, or struggle to get aroused. There can be all kinds of reasons behind these challenges, from physical or mental health problems to relationship issues to sexual shame, and more. Sometimes there’s no discernible reason behind it. Some people experience difficulties sometimes but not all the time. And some find sex easy and enjoyable, but still want to experience even more pleasure. Whatever your story, there are lots of reasons you might want to try a pleasure enhancer like Lovehoney’s Bliss Balm, which I just received to test and review.

Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm

Products like this are not a substitute for professional advice or support if you’re having sexual difficulties. However, they can be one tool in your toolbox for enhancing arousal, experiencing more pleasure, and enjoying your body more completely.

What is Lovehoney Bliss Balm?

Bliss by Lovehoney is a topical pleasure balm designed to increase sensitivity when applied to the clitoris and vulva. Bliss is infused with peppermint, menthol, and essential oils. As natural vasodilators, menthol and mint encourage blood flow to the area, heightening sensitivity. They also produce a cooling, tingling sensation which some people find enjoyable.

It comes in a small, heart-shaped tin. The balm itself is white in colour and has a creamy consistency that melts with the warmth of your fingers.

Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm

Is Bliss Balm Body-Safe?

To answer this question, I took a closer look at the ingredients of Lovehoney Bliss Balm.

  • Argania Spinosa (Argan) Kernel Oil: A natural oil commonly used in cosmetics, make-up and skincare products. It has been shown to have beneficial properties for the skin and is considered safe.
  • Hydrogenated Olive Oil (and) Olea Europaea (Olive) Fruit Oil: We all know olive oil has health benefits when used in food, but it is also a common ingredient in skincare and cosmetics. SpecialChem reports that it is safe for topical use in concentrations up to 5%.
  • Hydrogenated Jojoba was: Jojoba oil and jojoba wax were investigated by the International Journal of Toxicology and proven safe for cosmetic use. (Warning: link contains mentions of animal testing.)
  • Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea Butter): A common natural ingredient in skincare and cosmetic products. The Cosmetic Ingredients Review investigated shea butter and found it to be safe.
  • Menthol: Menthol is prized for its distinctive minty fragrance and the cooling sensation it creates on the skin. The FDA has found it to be safe for these purposes and also in food.
  • Tocopherol: Tocopherol is a form of Vitamin E, typically derived from vegetable oils. The Cosmetic Ingredient Review and International Journal of Toxicology concluded that it is safe for topical use.
  • Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil: An essential oil derived from the peppermint plant, the Cosmetic Ingredient Review determined that peppermint oil is safe as long as the concentration of the compound pulegone does not exceed 1%.

Unless you’re allergic or sensitive to any of the ingredients, Lovehoney Bliss Balm is perfectly safe to use. Since Bliss is an oil-based product, don’t use it with condoms or other barriers—oils can degrade the materials, reducing their effectiveness and increasing the risk of a breakage.

Lovehoney Bliss is only suitable for external use. Getting a little bit in your vagina or butt probably won’t do you any harm, but don’t put it up there deliberately. Wash it off your hands before doing any penetrative play.

Lovehoney Bliss Review: In Use

You may look at this tiny tin of Bliss clitoral balm and think it seems like a tiny amount for the money. But you only need a little bit to enjoy the effects. One tin of this stuff actually lasts me several months.

To start using Bliss pleasure balm, simply dab a small amount onto your fingers and massage into your vulva clitoral area. You can do this when you’re already aroused and looking to intensify pleasure or orgasm, or you can do it in advance to get blood flowing and nerves tingling as a precursor to sex or masturbation. If you like, you can also use Bliss Balm alongside your usual water-based lube.

If you’ve ever used “cooling” or “tingling” lube (or put toothpaste on your genital area, which is something I don’t recommend but that a lot of people do), you’ll recognise this as a similar sensation. I find that Lovehoney Bliss Balm starts out feeling cool and tingly, and then the initial intensity fades into a higher than usual level of clitoral sensitivity.

I find that Bliss Balm helps to make clitoral touch more enjoyable and make my orgasms stronger. It can also sometimes make it easier to get there on days when I’m less sensitive.

The sensation this balm provides can be pretty intense, so start off with less than you think you’ll need. If you want a more intense sensation or aren’t getting the desired effect, you can always add more. I find it lasts well, but if you’re playing for a while then you may need to top it up.

A bonus pro tip: if your partner is okay with the taste of mint, apply a little Bliss balm to your vulva before they go down on you.

Does Clitoral Pleasure Balm Like Lovehoney Bliss Work?

This is a difficult question to answer, because the true but possibly unhelpful answers are “it depends on your body” and “it depends on what we mean by ‘work'”.

Is it a miracle cure? No.

If you struggle to orgasm, don’t expect a pleasure balm to be a cure-all. Orgasm is, unfortunately, much more complicated than that and many sexual challenges are far more complex than a single product can solve. There are many things you can try and interventions that might be able to help you. Depending on your particular issue and context, you may need to work on overcoming shame, strengthening communication with your partner(s), or learning more about your sexual desires. In some situations, medical attention or psychosexual therapy may be appropriate.

However, for many people, the ingredients in pleasure enhancers like Lovehoney Bliss work by heightening sensitivity, adding a new sensation, and boosting arousal both prior to and during sex. I also suspect there may be a placebo affect at play for some people. If you expect the balm to help, you might feel more relaxed and less stressed, which ultimately makes it easier to enjoy sex or reach orgasm.

It’s not a magic bullet for pleasure or orgasm challenges, but one potential supportive add-on. And, of course, it’s damn good fun to use even if you don’t have any difficulties you’re trying to overcome.

Verdict

I’m a convert. I love using Lovehoney Bliss Balm for the enhanced sensitivity it offers, the fun tingly sensations it provides, and the extra helping hand it gives me in enjoying sex on low-sensitivity days.

At just £9.99 from Lovehoney UK or $12.99 from Lovehoney US for a 20g tin (which will last you ages) it’s a steal. Throw some in your next Lovehoney order!

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me a sample of Bliss Balm to review. All views are, as always, mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Suggestive image of a woman's fingers caressing an orange. Text reads: is masturbation cheating? No, and here's why not.

Is Masturbation Cheating? No, And Here’s Why Not

Published on by Amy3 Comments

“Is masturbation cheating?” is a question that comes up surprisingly frequently. A lot of people carry tremendous guilt about masturbating, especially if they are in a relationship, while others feel betrayed by their partner’s solo sex habits and view masturbating as a form of cheating.

What is Cheating, Anyway?

Before we can dismantle the idea that masturbation is cheating, we first need to understand what “cheating” or infidelity actually is.

In most monogamous relationships, cheating is defined along the lines of “doing sexual or romantic things with someone who isn’t your partner.” Of course, this doesn’t hold up for those of us who are polyamorous or in open relationships. In those relationships, doing sexual or romantic things with multiple people is the entire point. However, it’s still possible to commit infidelity, betray a partner, or cheat in polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships.

Broadly speaking, my working definition of cheating is knowingly and willfully breaking the agreements of your relationship in order to engage sexually or romantically with another person without your partner’s knowledge and/or consent.

Masturbating Cannot Be Cheating Because You Can’t Cheat On Your Partner With Yourself

Masturbation is solo sex, or something that you do alone and with your own body. By definition, therefore, masturbation cannot be cheating because it does not involve a third party. You cannot cheat on your partner with yourself.

If touching your own body is cheating, then is taking yourself on a dinner date to a restaurant cheating? After all, you presumably go on dates with your partner. If this argument sounds ludicrous, it’s because the idea that masturbation is cheating is equally nonsensical.

Again: you cannot cheat on someone with yourself.

Is Masturbation Cheating if My Partner is Masturbating All the Time Instead of Having Sex With Me?

It’s true that, in occasional outlying circumstances, a person’s masturbation habits can become compulsive to the point that they interfere with partnered sex. However, this isn’t super common and regular masturbation doesn’t normally have a negative impact on sexual desire for a partner. But even if this is what’s happening, the answer to the question of whether masturbating instead of having sex with a partner is cheating is still no.

Sexual incompatibilities in a relationship can be hard, but they’re a thousand times harder when you don’t talk about them. If you’re dissatisfied with the sexual relationship you have with your partner, you need to have a conversation. You might need to work on increasing intimacy in your relationship, get outside support such as therapy, renegotiate the terms of your relationship, or end it. But it’s still not cheating.

Your partner doesn’t owe you sex, and their right to a solo sex life is not contingent on their providing you with sexual access to them. Forbidding your partner to masturbate might seem like an easy answer if you’re not getting your sexual needs met, but it’s never okay to infringe on your partner’s bodily autonomy in this way. It also won’t actually solve the problem because, in all but the most extreme cases, the chances are that your partner’s lack of interest in sex has little or nothing to do with their masturbation habits.

Is Masturbation Cheating If I Hide It?

No.

Your partner doesn’t need to know about everything you do that doesn’t impact them directly. This includes solo sex. Masturbating privately is not cheating.

Of course, I believe that partners should be able to talk openly about sex, including masturbation. But this doesn’t mean that you need to tell your partner every time you do it, or even specifically notify them that you masturbate at all. The overwhelming majority of people masturbate. We should all probably just assume that our partners are getting themselves off sometimes and that it’s not a big deal.

People in relationships are still allowed privacy, and that privacy extends to masturbation.

Is Masturbation Cheating if I Watch Porn or Fantasise?

Still no.

I understand that people can have strong opinions about porn and other erotic media. And I can understand wanting to be with someone whose views on the subject align with yours. However, I still firmly believe that, as long as you’re using it mindfully, consuming porn or erotica can be a part of a healthy solo sex life that has no negative impact on your relationship whatsoever.

And by the way: porn is not an addiction. Neither is using a sex toy. Neither is masturbation.

Similarly, fantasising is not a problem and having fantasies while masturbating does not constitute cheating. Most of us find people other than our partners attractive or have sexual fantasies that don’t involve our current partners at least occasionally. Fantasy is fantasy, and does not equate to action. Simply put: masturbation to sexual fantasies is still not cheating.

Your Body Belongs To You

You have an absolute, inalienable right to bodily autonomy. Your body belongs to you and nobody else. Always.

And yes, this applies even in a 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship. You might consensually agree to play with things like chastity or orgasm control because they’re fun, but even a submissive partner can always take back control, renegotiate, or withdraw consent at any time. If you can’t do this then you don’t have a relationship, you have a hostage situation.

You have the right to do what you like with and to your own body. And that includes the right to engage in a sexual relationship with yourself. Even if you’ve agreed to be monogamous, your partner does not own your sexuality. Masturbation is not cheating and you have a right to do it if you want to. Trying to control you to that extent, or limit the ways you can engage privately with your own body, is a major red flag or abuse or coercive control.

Lovehoney Glass Heart Dildo Review header featuring cupped hands holding a red heart

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Beaded Heart Glass Dildo

Published on by Amy

The Lovehoney team recently sent out very sweet lockdown care packages to their affiliates filled with toys and self-care treats to pass the time during this incredibly challenging and stressful period. One of the included items was the super-cute Lovehoney Beaded Heart Glass Dildo. Since I can’t leave my house and have nothing else to do, I thought I’d tell you all about it.

The Lovehoney Beaded Glass Heart Dildo

Lovehoney Beaded Glass Heart Dildo

The Lovehoney Beaded Glass Heart Dildo

The Lovehoney Beaded Glass Heart Dildo measures 8″ in total length and 6″ in insertable length. At its widest point the diameter is 1.4″. Glass toys tend to be heavy, and this one weighs in at a fairly hefty 310g.

This toy is super pretty. I love the aesthetic of glass toys, and the pink heart handle with the Lovehoney heart insignia stamped on it adds a cute femme touch to this one. I’m sure they’d sell even more if it came in different colour options! It also comes with a drawstring storage bag, which is useful for preventing glass toys from getting dinged in storage.

Are Glass Dildos Body-Safe?

Yep!

Properly made glass sex toys are made from annealed borosilicate glass. This type of glass is non-toxic and non-porous. It’s the same stuff glass cookware is made from! This type of glass is hard-wearing and sturdy, and there’s virtually no risk of it breaking inside your body. Promise!

The Lovehoney Beaded Glass Heart Dildo

A couple of caveats to be aware of:

Be careful how you store your Lovehoney Beaded Glass Heart Dildo, because it could break if you drop it or put something heavy on top of it. If you accidentally drop a glass toy on a hard surface, I advise retiring it even if it looks fine. There could be fractures in the glass which you can’t see but which compromise its integrity. And please, please do not use any glass items as sex toys that were not designed for that purpose.

You can use any type of body-safe lube with a glass toy, and clean it with soap and warm water or a body-safe sterile wipe.

Lovehoney Beaded Glass Heart Dildo: In Use

The heart at the top of the Beaded Glass Heart Dildo doesn’t just look pretty. It also makes a convenient handle for ease of use.

The Lovehoney Beaded Glass Heart Dildo

If you struggle with heavy toys, it’s worth bearing the weight of this one in mind. It was fine for me, but some people might find the heft of a large glass toy difficult.

I love the unyielding rigidity of glass, and the ridges along the Beaded Glass Heart Dildo’s shaft feel amazing. The bulbous head at the end is great for pressure against the G-spot, though I would have preferred it to have a little more of a curve for easier G-spot targeting.

This isn’t a dildo I can thrust with. Between the intensity of glass and the beads, it becomes uncomfortable very quickly. Instead, I like to get it into the right position and then just gently wiggle it or apply pressure.

Glass dildos are also ideal for temperature-based play! Pop your Glass Heart Dildo in the fridge for 20 minutes before using it, or run it under some warm (not hot!) water. The change in temperature wakes your nerves up and makes the sensations extra intense.

Verdict

I love the Lovehoney Beaded Glass Heart Dildo! Glass toys are consistently popular for a reason, and the Beaded Glass Heart Dildo delivers in both design and usability.

This toy retails for £32.99 from Lovehoney UK and $42.99 from Lovehoney US.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product. All views and writing are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Noje Magic Wand review header image

[Toy Review] Noje Wand Mini Vibrator

Published on by Amy

Update: The Blush Novelties Noje Wand was originally sent to me by The Pleasure Garden. This version of the Noje Wand is no longer available, but a purple version with two attachments is still available as the Noje Delite from Sex Toys UK, retailing for £53.06. Otherwise, the product appears to be the same.

What is the Blush Novelties Noje Wand?

The Blush Novelties Noje mini wand vibrator is a teeny-tiny little thing. At just 13cm in length, it fits neatly in my hand. It looks like a miniature version of the classic wand vibrator shape, only with a curved handle. Weighing in at just 67g, the Noje Wand is a great choice if heavier toys are difficult for you.

Can we just take a second to acknowledge how pretty this mint/turquoise green shade is?

The Noje Magic Wand mint green vibrator in a womans hand

The body of the toy is ABS plastic and the head is covered with a body-safe silicone cap. This cap pops off and back on easily, so you can wash or sterilise it easily. The Noje Magic Wand is rechargeable via the included magnetic cable and is fully waterproof.

Power: The Noje Wand Packs a Punch

Don’t let the small size fool you – the Blush Novelties Noje Wand has some serious power behind it.

The Noje Magic Wand mint green vibrator on a black and white sheet

Blush has a track record of using great motors in its toys, and the Noje Wand is no exception. It has ten settings in total, five constant vibration speeds and five patterns. The lower levels start out with a deep rumble, building up to some impressive power at the higher speeds.

Of course, since this toy is so small, you don’t get the same level of broad all-over stimulation that you’d get with a full-size wand. However, if you’re after something a little more focused and a lot easier to hold, a good mini wand like the Blush Noje is a great choice.

Other Design Features

I’m torn on the flexible neck design of this toy. On the one hand, it’s great because it means you can angle the toy precisely and get it exactly where you want it. The downside, though, is that it makes it difficult to get any significant pressure.

The Noje Magic Wand operates on a one-button interface, with the button located on the base of the toy. It is large and easy to press. You hold the button down to switch the toy on, press it to cycle through the patterns and speeds, and hold it down again to switch the toy off. I do wish it had dual-directional controls, as having to cycle through all the speeds to go back one step is always annoying.

The Noje Magic Wand mint green vibrator in a womans hand

The Noje Wand’s battery life is decent. I got about 90 minutes of use out of a full two-hour charge.

It’s pretty quiet, too. If a full-size wand is too noisy for you, a smaller version like this can be a good compromise between volume and power.

One downside I noticed about the Blush Noje Wand is that it gets warm very quickly in use. The head started getting noticeably hot after about only about ten minutes. It wasn’t hot enough to injure me, and the toy continued functioning just fine, but I do worry about what’s happening to the motor underneath if it heats up that fast.

Noje Wand: Verdict

Some imperfections notwithstanding, the Blush Novelties Noje Wand is a winner overall. It packs a lot of power into a small, fairly quiet, and super-cute package that comes at a reasonable price.

Thank you to The Pleasure Garden for sending me the Noje Magic Wand in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post. As always, all opinions and experiences are my own!

A cat being petted. Header image for a post about consent lessons from cats

[Guest Blog] What Cats Can Teach Us About Boundaries by Quenby

Published on by Amy3 Comments

In this guest post, Quenby (they/them) explores lessons in boundaries from a cat. I’ve long been in awe of cats for their ability to express their wants and assert their boundaries without apology, and I absolutely loved this piece when it landed in my inbox.

Amy x

What Cats Can Teach Us About Boundaries by Quenby

Recently I was discussing boundaries with my datemate AJ, and they said something that stuck with me. “When it comes to physical affection, I’m a bit like a cat!” (And no, this isn’t a piece about kitten play!)

This was a cute moment between the two of us, but the more I think about it, the more I realise that cats really do have some important lessons to teach us about setting, maintaining, and asserting boundaries.

It Can Take Time

You don’t walk straight up to a cat and pet them. Instead, you give them space and let the cat come to you.

Whether it’s your first time meeting someone or you’ve been dating them for a while, sometimes you need to give your partner space. As a person who tends towards physical affection, this took me some time to get used to. It’s still something I have to check myself on occasionally. By respecting my partners’ boundaries as I would with a cat, I can come in without expectations and give them time to relax and adjust to my presence.

Letting a partner come to me can help ensure they’re comfortable and helps build the trust needed for us to feel safe lowering our inhibitions and exploring different forms of affection. If you don’t respect these basic physical boundaries, you’ll just end up chasing a disgruntled cat around the house.

If a Cat Wants to Be Stroked, It Will Let You Know

When a cat wants a belly rub, they will let you know. And when they want food, they will definitely let you know! Cats understand instinctively that affection must be given and received on terms that everyone enjoys, and they won’t hesitate to assert their boundaries if they’re no longer enjoying it.

It’s the same with humans. You have to pay attention to your partner’s verbal and non-verbal signals and take cues from them. As part of this, we can also draw on the idea of love languages (the different ways in which people show that they care for each other.) Ultimately, you need to communicate with a partner and find the ways you can express affection in a way that everyone appreciates. Because otherwise it’s not about your partner and it’s not about sharing a connection. It’s just about taking what you want from the other person.

When a Cat Decides They’ve Had Enough, They Will Assert Their Boundaries By Walking Away

For consent to be meaningful, it must be ongoing. Consent is not a single moment, and it certainly doesn’t mean agreeing to something and then being obliged to stick with it. Just as a cat will communicate its boundaries by walking away mid-petting if it’s had enough, it is always okay to stop if you’re no longer enjoying something.

When your partner is right in front of you, excited for something that you also really wanted moments before, it can be hard to speak up. But (and let’s say it together this time): if you stop enjoying something, it’s always okay to stop! And if your partner doesn’t respect that, they are in the wrong. And that leads us neatly to the final lesson.

Cats Aren’t Generally Aggressive in Communicating Their Boundaries… But They Will Lash Out if Provoked

If you repeatedly overstep a cat’s boundaries, those claw marks on your face will be your own fucking fault.

If somebody fails to respect your boundaries after you’ve communicated them, then you are entitled to be pissed off at that person. They’ve fucked up and must take responsibility for pushing those boundaries. You have a right to establish boundaries and you have a right to enforce those boundaries.

This is intended as a lighthearted take on a serious topic. Human relationships and boundaries are too complex and nuanced to be comprehensively explained by cats. But I think the core lessons that I’ve drawn out in this piece are a good starting point. Make time and space to develop trust. Listen to what each person is saying. Above all, respect the right to boundaries. Respect that those boundaries might change, and set and maintain your own boundaries in good faith.

Lessons Cats Can’t Teach Us About Boundaries

Despite everything I said above, it is also important to recognise that cats are not perfect models for boundaries and consent practices. Below is a non-comprehensive list of lessons my partner’s cat really needs to learn on this subject.

  • You should ask before showing someone your asshole. I’m sure it’s lovely, but that’s not a dynamic I want to explore with you.
  • Stabbing someone’s thighs should be negotiated ahead of time. There are nicer ways to ask for attention, you vicious little cutie.
  • Climbing into bed while a couple are having sex is considered rude. Yes, we both love you, but in a very different way to how we love one another.

Quenby is a queer perfomer, writer, and activist.

Header image for a review of the Satisfyer Balls kegel exercisers

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Balls

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Kegel balls, sometimes called Ben-wa balls, pleasure balls, or kegel exercisers, are duos or trios of small weighted balls that are inserted into the vagina. Some vibrate, others do not. They are designed to assist with kegel exercises by forcing the vaginal muscles to contract around them to keep them in place. Satisfyer sent me a set of their V Balls kegel balls to try out.

My hand holding a set of red Satisfyer kegel balls

Do Kegel Balls Work? What the Science Says

There are a lot of claims around kegel balls. The benefits of performing regular kegel exercises are well known: they strengthen the pelvic floor, which has potential benefits including reducing urinary incontinence and reducing the risk of prolapse. Some also claim they can boost sexual pleasure and increase the regularity and intensity of orgasm:

“The potential benefits of doing Kegel exercises on a regular basis include: greater ease in achieving orgasm, increased intensity of orgasm, increased lubrication, heightened control over sensation during penetration, and protection against urinary incontinence and bladder prolapse.” (Bartlik et al, 2010)

But do kegel balls like Satisfyer’s V Balls help compared to performing kegel exercises without them? The evidence is less conclusive.

One 2013 study examined the effect of “vaginal spheres” (kegel exercisers) in the treatment of stress urinary incontinence and found a statistically significant difference in the improvement shown by women who used the spheres vs those who performed kegel exercises without. A different study, however, used “weighted vaginal cones” to treat urinary incontinence, and found that “there was little evidence of difference for a subjective cure between cones and pelvic floor muscle training” (Herbison & Dean, 2013.)

Anecdotally, balls may help by making the user more likely to actually do their exercises, rather than making the exercises more effective by themselves. They don’t do much automatically and still require user effort if you’re looking to use them for pelvic floor training specifically.

What About Kegel Balls as a Sex Toy?

Outside of their potential pelvic health benefits, kegel balls are most commonly sold and used as sex toys for the purpose of pleasure.

If you’re someone who enjoys vaginal penetration, walking or moving around with a toy like the Satisfyer V Balls inside you can be intensely pleasurable.

Walking or moving around with inside you can feel amazing if you’re a person who enjoys vaginal penetration. I find that on the occasions I’ve worn kegel balls for any length of time, they can keep me at a heightened level of arousal the entire time. Wearing kegel balls can also be fun as part of a power exchange game, if you’re into that.

Basically, treat kegel balls as a sex toy and not as a medical device, and you’re more likely to have fun!

Satisfyer V Balls

The Satisfyer V Balls come in sets of three peanut-shaped duos with a looped handle for easy retrieval. Each is in a different colour (blue, pink, and red) and they are all made of body-safe silicone. They look like this:

Official product image of the Satisfyer Kegel Balls

Each of the two balls has a weight inside, and each set gets progressively heavier. They weigh in at 60g, 75.6g, and 91.6g respectively. The increasing weight provides different levels of stimulation and intensity to choose from. If you’re using kegel balls as an addition to pelvic floor-strengthening exercises, a higher weight can also increase resistance and therefore effectiveness.

Measuring just over an inch in diameter and with a total insertable length of 6.9cm, the Satisfyer V Balls offer an enjoyable sense of fullness without being uncomfortably large. Each ball has some gentle ridges, which may provide additional internal stimulation to some users.

The balls themselves, and the joins between them, feel well-made and sturdy. However, the handle loops are pretty thin and flimsy. They stretch when pulled, making them ineffective for helping to remove the balls from the vagina. Though mine have held out so far, I don’t see them lasting very long with regular usr.

With that said, these sets are inexpensive and, since you get three pairs of balls in different weights, pretty good value. If you’re new to using kegel balls or want to experiment with different weights and intensities, they’re not a bad place to start. You can buy them from The Pleasure Garden for £39.99.

Thanks to Satisfyer for sending me the V Balls to review. All views are, as always, my own. Purchasing through the affiliate links in this post helps to support my work.

Cup of tea. For a post about acts of service as a love language in kink

The Kinky Love Languages: Acts of Service

Published on by Amy2 Comments

This is the last post in my “five love languages for kink” series, and today we’re talking acts of service. I deliberately left this one until last. Out of the five love languages from the original framework, it is perhaps the easiest to apply to a kink and BDSM context. After all, service submission is a whole kink in and of itself! If your partner speaks this love language and you want some ideas for how to apply acts of service to your dominance or submission, keep reading.

What is the Acts of Service Love Language?

The acts of service love language can best be summed up as “actions speak louder than words.” It’s all about doing things for the other person, and specifically things that reduce their workload or make their life easier. This love language prioritises thoughtfulness and care in the small, day to day things that improve someone’s quality of life.

Wait, Isn’t Service Part of Submission? How Can a Dominant Perform Acts of Service!?

Many people might assume that a submissive wouldn’t want to receive love through acts of service. They might think that it would undermine a D/s relationship for a Dominant to show love in this way. But this is a pretty reductive understanding of both this love language, and D/s relationship dynamics. Service doesn’t have to be synonymous with submission or subservience.

The Five Love Languages site suggests things like doing the dishes, collecting their mail, and getting up in the middle of the night for childcare duties as acts of service partners can do for one another. At their core, acts of service are just about taking care of each other. And if you’re a Dominant, I believe that one of the most important parts of your role is taking care of your submissive.

Exactly what “care” means in this context is, of course, open to interpretation and will depend upon your dynamic. A Daddy Dom will likely care for their submissive in a different way to a sadist, and a pet player will show care differently to an Owner in an Owner/property dynamic.

So, yes, making your submissive dinner might be considered an act of service. You can do this out of love and to show care. You can also frame it as an act of dominance, if you like. Think of it like this: your submissive is your most cherished possession. That means taking care of them (for example, by making sure they get proper nourishment) is paramount. Taking a chore off their hands when they’re exhausted, running an errand to save them time on a busy day, or picking up their medication for them can all be acts of service to show your partner that they’re loved and ways of taking care of your favourite toy. As a Dominant, acts of service coming from you aren’t submission, they’re care.

Even though you’re in a relationship based on dominance and submission, it’s still a relationship. You might have negotiated an unequal power imbalance, but you both still exist in the real world. In that world you need to be equal human beings with responsibilities that you take on together. Shouldering your fair share of the load is not only both attractive (and Dominant) as hell, but necessary to keep a relationship healthy and functioning.

Service Submission and Other Acts of Service Ideas for Submissives

Service, in the context of performing acts of service as submission, is very often a part of a D/s relationship. This will look different in every relationship, and if service submission is your thing (or your partner loves receiving it and you’re happy to give it,) you’ll need to negotiate what that looks like for you.

Ask your Dominant, if they haven’t already told you, what specific forms of service work best for them. Perhaps you always make their drink in the morning or iron their favourite shirt. Maybe you polish their boots before a party or have dinner on the table when they get back from work.

Try to balance routine and flexibility. Routine can help to build a dynamic and a submissive headspace, as well as showing consistency and reliability. But flexibility is essential when circumstances, people, and needs inevitably change (which they will.)

Acts of service submission can also relate directly to your kinky play. Cleaning toys after a session, coiling your Dominant’s rope in the way they like it, or making sure you have their favourite brand of lube before they come over all count as acts of service. Sexual service, if you’re into that, can also be incredibly hot.

Acts of Service Ideas for All Roles and Dynamics

Regardless of your role or dynamic in your relationship, the keys to successful acts of service are:

  1. Doing things without being asked, at least sometimes.
  2. Going above and beyond the usual call of duty.

No-one expects you to be a mind-reader and know exactly what your partner wants without them asking. But you probably know them at least reasonably well, so use that knowledge to find little ways to perform service for them without being prompted.

Run to the store when you’ve run out of milk before they get up and make their morning coffee. Put a hot water bottle in bed for them on a cold night. Make them lunch before a long work day. Do the chore that’s usually theirs when they’ve had a long day. The significance here isn’t in grand gestures, but in finding little everyday ways to show consideration, love, and service through your submission or dominance.

“Above and beyond” just means that doing the expected 50%-ish of shared relationship and domestic labour isn’t enough by itself (though it is important!) You need to go a step beyond that at least sometimes. If your partner’s love language is acts of service, the quickest way to make them feel unloved and unseen is to do the bare minimum you can get away with.

We-Vibe Chorus review header image featuring the toy, remote, and a smartphone

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Chorus

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Update 2026: a new version of this classic toy for couples, the We-Vibe Chorus Pro, is now out! I have left this We-Vibe Chorus review up because this older version is still available from some retailers.

There are a number of buzzwords and phrases, frequently used to describe sex toys, of which I am highly sceptical. One of these is “for couples”. Another is “hands free”. The We-Vibe Chorus claims to be both of these things. However, my experiences with We-Vibe over the years have been almost universally positive, so with my hopeful-but-ready-to-be-disappointed face firmly in place, I set out to test the new We-Vibe Chorus for you all.

What is the We-Vibe Chorus Vibrator for Couples?

Official product image for We-Vibe Chorus vibrator for couples review

The We-Vibe Chorus is a wearable vibrator with two arms: one that sits inside the vagina, and another that rests against the clitoris. The idea is that it provides extra clitoral stimulation for the wearer during penetrative sex.

Inside you’ll find the toy and remote, a charging cable, and a dock that functions as both travel case and charging station. The Chorus is IPX7 waterproof (i.e. submersible) and USB rechargeable, with a full charge giving around 90 minutes of runtime.

The We-Vibe Chorus is made of soft and squishy matte silicone and comes in three colours. Mine is “Cosmic Pink.” It has a sort of shiny-sparkly effect that’s really pretty.

We-Vibe Chorus Review: What’s New?

The Chorus is the latest iteration of We-Vibe’s signature “wearable” vibrators designed for (primarily cishetero) couples. But how is this one different?

The We-Vibe Chorus and remote

The most obvious upgrade, when we compare the Chorus to the Sync (its most recent predecessor,) is the introduction of the squeeze remote. The tighter you squeeze the remote, the more intense the vibration gets. You can turn squeeze control off with the small button at the top of your remote if you don’t like it.

There’s also new touch-sense tech, which responds to your movements against the sensor and changes the intensity of the vibrations to match depending on which setting you’ve selected. You can turn touch-sense off through the We-Connect app, if you want to. Overall, I found this function’s responsiveness too unpredictable to be pleasurable, and quickly turned it off.

Another significant upgrade to this model is that it is adjustable in two places. Not only can you adjust the distance between the two arms, you can also alter the angle of the internal arm for a more comfortable and stimulating fit. Bodies come in a wide range of shapes and sizes, and one size will never fit all. I find getting poked in the vaginal walls off-putting and the opposite of erotic (weird, I know!) so being able to adjust the Chorus to actually sit comfortably in my body was a game-changer.

Finally, the Chorus is the first We-Vibe product to use a mix of AnkorLink and Bluetooth technology to connect it to the We-Connect app. The difference here was extremely noticeable when I compared the Chorus to earlier We-Vibe products I’ve reviewed. The connection was much more stable and the responses much more consistent.

In conclusion, the Chorus might superficially resemble We-Vibe’s previous offerings, but you get so much more bang for your buck.

In Use for Couples (and Solo Players)

I’ve said before that I find the marketing of “toys for couples” annoying. A toy for a couple is literally anything you use with a partner! Also, that particular phrase generally means “toys you wear during penis-in-vagina intercourse,” which betrays such a narrow understanding of 1) what a couple is and 2) what sex is.

That notwithstanding, the We-Vibe Chorus is a good option if you’re a couple looking for a toy to wear during penetrative sex. The slender and adjustable internal arm makes for a comfortable fit for all different kinds of vulvas and the external arm provides powerful clitoral stimulation (which 70-90% of vulva-owners need to reach orgasm) through a strong and rumbly motor.

It’s not truly hands-free, though, as it does slip around if you’re doing some particularly vigorous thrusting. However I adjusted it, I could not get it to stay firmly in place. Every time I moved more than a little, it would shift and move away from my clit. I ended up using one hand to hold it in place and the other hand to operate the remote.

Worth noting: the lovely Phallophile Reviews suggests that wearing tight knickers (such as Spanx) helps the We-Vibe Chorus stay in place if you want a truly hands-free experience. So that’s something to try!

Do You Need to Use the App to Enjoy this Toy?

Not really!

I tested the app to write this We-Vibe Chorus review but I haven’t used it since (and I have absolutely used the toy since.)

The We-Vibe app is a nice extra, and adds some bonus options such as handing over control to a partner from anywhere in the world, creating your own vibration patterns, and video calling or text chatting. However, you don’t need it and the remote control is more than adequate for controlling the toy if using an app doesn’t sound fun or sexy to you.

We-Vibe Chorus Review: Verdict

Overall, I’m seriously impressed with the Chorus! Despite the hands-free issues, it has a great motor and comes with numerous additional features.

The We-Vibe Chorus is available from Shevibe and directly from We-Vibe (North America or Europe.)

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! All opinions are my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.