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Header image for Tracy's Dog mindful masturbation sponsored post featuring a vibrator, handcuffs and anal beads in a drawer

What is Mindful Masturbation and How Can It Benefit Your Sex Life?

Published on by Amy

It’s no secret that I am a big fan of masturbation in all its forms. I believe it should be promoted, celebrated, taught as part of sex education, and totally destigmatised. There are countless ways to have solo sex, and none of them are better or worse than any others. Are you having fun without harming yourself or anyone else? Congratulations, you’re doing it right. Today I wanted to introduce you to one possible self-pleasure tool you may not be aware of. Let’s talk mindful masturbation and explore how mindfulness can benefit both your solo and partnered sex life.

What is Mindfulness?

To understand mindful masturbation, we first have to understand mindfulness. In short, mindfulness is all about being present and in the moment.

Many people practice mindfulness meditations, but these don’t work for everyone (they don’t work for me at all, which I think is because I have ADHD.) You can also incorporate it into your day to day life. One of my favourite forms of “meditation” is actually doing something with my hands, such as knitting, colouring, or putting something together and paying attention to how it feels. Simply taking a moment to notice your body, its sensations, your surroundings, and your reaction to those surroundings is a mindfulness practice.

The potential benefits of mindfulness can include stress reduction, improved focus, enhanced self-awareness, and better emotional regulation. It’s not the magic pill some have made it out to be, of course, but it’s a great addition to your mental health and self-care toolbox.

What is Mindful Masturbation and How Do You Do It?

Mindful masturbation, then, is all about being present in your body while you touch yourself. Stay curious and exploratory – it can help to imagine that you’re touching yourself as you’d touch a new lover when you don’t know their body super well yet. You’d experiment, try things out, and stay open to feedback. Do the same thing for yourself and let yourself be surprised.

Mindfulness is also about encouraging your thoughts to stay in the moment. Each time you find your mind wandering, kindly but firmly guide it back. Breathe deeply, ask yourself how you feel, and observe your body and mind’s responses without judgement.

Finally, try to take the focus away from orgasm. If you cum during your session, great! If you don’t, that’s fine, too! The point is to move away from goal-centered masturbation into a more exploratory and pleasure-centric frame of mind.

Whether you choose to use your hands, sex toys, or a mixture of the two is completely your choice. I’m personally an advocate for using both as they can allow you to experience a wide array of different sensations. Why not pick up a new sex toy? For long, slow, luxurious masturbation sessions, I love clit suction toys such as the Flowliper, a new and beginner-friendly clitoral toy with a unique “dynamic pulse” function from Tracy’s Dog.

How Can Mindful Masturbation Benefit Your Sex Life?

No matter your gender, orientation, or relationship status, touching yourself mindfully can help you to tune into your body, get to know your desires, and improve your sex life. Here are just a few of the ways it can benefit you.

Practice Mindfulness During Masturbation to Learn More About How You Experience Pleasure

Mindful masturbation isn’t about getting off and getting on with your day as quickly as possible. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that type of masturbation! I’m a big fan, in fact, at times. But that’s not what we’re doing here.) Since you’re chasing pleasure without necessarily having the explicit goal of orgasm in mind, you can take your time to try things out and touch your body in different ways. You might be surprised what you learn!

Mindful Masturbation as a Stress Reduction Technique

Mindfulness has been shown to reduce stress for many people. Guess what? So has masturbation! So combining the two has the potential to give you a powerful stress-buster. Take the time to touch yourself mindfully even just a few times a week, and you might start feeling calmer and more centered throughout the day.

Mindfulness Can Help You to Reach Better and More Frequent Orgasms During Masturbation and Sex

I know I just said that orgasm wasn’t the goal here – and it doesn’t have to be. But if you do want to get off, practicing mindful masturbation can help you to have more frequent, stronger, and easier to reach orgasms. This is because you’re more present in your pleasure and turning away from distractions, and because you’re likely learning new ways to enjoy your body.

Paradoxically, taking the focus off orgasm—particularly if you ever struggle to come—can be one of the best ways to help you get there.

New Skills to Bring Back to Partnered Sex

Masturbation is wonderful regardless of whether you’re in a relationship. And, of course, not everyone who masturbates has (or wants to have) partnered sex. But if partnered sex is a part of your life, mindful self-pleasure can teach you all kinds of new skills and tricks to bring back to your partner(s.) This can include new ways you like to be touched, but also skills such as staying present in the moment and waving away distracting thoughts that get in the way of your pleasure.

Self-Pleasure as Self-Care

Unfortunately and despite the fact that almost everyone does it at least occasionally, masturbation is still heavily stigmatised, especially for women. However, I firmly believe that masturbation is a form of self-care. It feels great, has no negative repercussions, and doesn’t require much beyond a little time and privacy to explore. If you ever struggle with shame around masturbation, or even if you don’t but have treated it in a perfunctory way until now, then mindfully masturbating can be a great way to shift it towards more of a holistic self-love and self-care practice.

Thanks to Tracy’s Dog for sponsoring this post! All views, as always, are mine.

Header image for romantic and sexy gift ideas guide for Christmas

6 Romantic and Sexy Gift Ideas for Your Partner This Holiday Season

Published on by Amy

Have you finished your holiday shopping yet? No, me neither (though I’m doing better than I typically have been at this point in previous years.) Giving gifts isn’t super high on my list of love languages, but I do enjoy the process of choosing or making the perfect presents for my loved ones. That’s why I decided to put together this guide to sexy gifts to help you out if you’re stuck for ideas.

If you have a romantic partner or partners, you might be thinking about getting them something special to show your love, give them the pleasure they deserve, or add to your amazing sex life together.

Gift Guide: Six Sexy Gift Ideas Your Partner Will Love

From sex toys to trips for two and more, I’ve put together six romantic yet sexy gift ideas to get you inspired.

Something They’ll Feel Sexy Wearing

I nearly put “lingerie or underwear” as the heading for this section, then I changed my mind. Because what makes a person feel beautiful, handsome, or sexy is very personal and might not be what we traditionally think of as “sexy.”

For some, that thing will be a set of lacy lingerie or slinky underwear. For others it might be a perfectly tailored shirt, a sparkly gown, a pair of sky-high heels, a leather or faux leather harness, a silk tie, or even a fragrance or piece of jewellery. The trick is to know your partner and their tastes. Not sure? You can always take them shopping so you can choose something perfect together.

A Beautiful Sex Toy

Sex toys can be as beautiful as they are functional, and some of them are real works of art. They can be made of materials from silicone and glass to metal, ceramic, and even some types of stone. They come in all colours, shapes, sizes, and designs you can imagine. A heart toy could be particularly cute for a romantic occasion. Some even have glitter!

Gorgeous toys can be wonderfully luxurious and sexy gift ideas to show your partner that you’re thinking about their pleasure. Just make sure you know them well enough to choose something that will work for their body and preferences. (And maybe don’t buy a lifesize realistic sex doll if they live in a small apartment.)

Giving red roses to your lover is traditional so, if they have a clitoris, how about a red rose suction toy? (Cute, lasts much longer than cut flowers, and says “I care about your pleasure!”) If they’re a strap-on top, how about this red rose harness?

Massage Oils or Candles

Giving each other massages is a wonderful way to connect physically, get close whether or not the massage leads to sex, and tune into each other’s bodies. You can step things up a notch by adding oils, candles, or massagers into the mix. These can make great stocking-filler gifts!

Create a romantic atmosphere by dimming the lights. I like candles, fairy lights, or lamps with a warm soft glow for this. If you like, you can also play some gentle and relaxing music.

A Sexy Gift Idea That Keeps On Giving: Subscription Box

Subscription boxes are great ideas if you’re looking for sexy gifts that keep on giving. Depending on how long you subscribe, your partner can enjoy regular treats for 3, 6, 12 months… or even longer. They can also be a great way to explore new ideas, rekindle a spark if your sex life has dwindled lately, or just set aside intentional time for each other and your intimate relatioship.

There are now adult subscription boxes in all kinds of categories. You’ll find boxes with sex toys, lingerie, smutty literature, kink and BDSM gear, date night kits, and more. Some are designed with couples in mind, and others can be enjoyed solo. I even stumbled across one designed specifically for polyamorous triads!

A New Collar

This one’s for the kinksters! For many who are involved in BDSM or a D/s relationship, collars are both intensely personal and intensely meaningful. That means that this isn’t something you should spring on someone without warning. Always have a conversation about what collars mean, whether you want them to play a role in your relationship, and the expectations and obligations that they do and do not imply.

With that caveat out of the way, if collars have a place in your relationship then a new one can be a wonderful and romantic gift for your submissive partner. With everything from ornate showpieces to simple metal bands and even totally discreet day collars available, there are plenty of options to choose from.

The Ultimate Sexy Gift Ideas: A Romantic Getaway, Trip, or Vacation

If you’re looking to splash out (or can find an incredible last-minute deal) why not surprise your loved one with a romantic trip together… or choose and book it together as a gift to each other?

A change of scene, having an adventure, and getting a long stretch quality time together are amongst the best things you can do to nurture your relationship no matter whether you’re newly in love or have been together for decades.

Pro tip: plan to go early in the new year if that’s possible for your schedule and budget. Me and my girlfriend are going on our first holiday together in January. December is busy and January tends to suck, so planning something wonderful to look forward to post-Christmas is a strategy I would highly recommend!

Thanks to Inyarose for kindly sponsoring this guide to my favourite sexy gift ideas. All writing and views, as always, are mine.

BDSM starter kit items including cuffs, flogger, and ball gag on a purple background

What is a BDSM Starter Kit and How Can It Help You Explore Kink?

Published on by Amy1 Comment

“I’d love to start exploring BDSM, but all the gear is so expensive!” is a complaint I hear from new and curious kinksters all the time. “I don’t even know what I like yet, how can I get started without dropping hundreds of pounds on things I might not enjoy?” And I hear you, budget-conscious newbie. This is where a bondage or BDSM starter kit can help you.

Perhaps you’ve perused your local fetish market and picked up artisan floggers, custom collars, hand-dyed natural fiber ropes, or vintage violet wands, then shuddered at the price tags. I absolutely love beautiful, unique, one-of-a-kind kink items and I believe we should all be supporting our favourite indie creators within the community. Once you know you enjoy impact play, for example, that buttery soft leather flogger with a hand-turned handle might be a worthwhile investment that will serve you well for many years.

But when you’re just starting out, that can be a prohibitive amount of money to drop on a “well, that might be fun…” Budget constraints and curiosity sometimes lead new kinksters to improvise. Some pervertables are fine, of course, but in other cases using household items for sex and kink can be dangerous.

What is a BDSM Starter Kit or Bondage Kit for Beginners?

A BDSM starter kit might also be called a “bondage kit.” In short, it’s a collection of kink items bundled together in a package designed to help you explore.

Some of the items you might find in a beginners’ BDSM or bondage kit include:

  • Impact toys such as floggers, crops, or paddles
  • Restraints such as handcuffs, wrist ties, or bondage tape
  • Rope
  • Gags
  • Blindfolds
  • Collars and/or leashes
  • Clamps and clips (e.g. for nipples)
  • Sensation play items such as strokers or ticklers
  • Sex toys such as vibrators, cock rings, dildos, or strap-ons
  • Wax play candles
  • …and more!

Every BDSM starter kit is slightly different. You’ll need to choose the best one for you depending on your needs, budget, and interests.

How Can a Beginners’ Bondage Kit Help You to Explore?

What is it that interests you about bondage, kink, or BDSM?

If I asked this question to ten different newcomers to the world of kink, I would probably get ten very different answers. That’s because BDSM is a vast and varied world, encompassing all kinds of activities from impact play to power exchange, shibari to sensation play, and so much more.

This vastness is exciting, but can also be overwhelming and confusing. Investing in a BDSM starter kit can be a great place to start for several reasons.

Variety Without the Price-Tag

A kit allows you to try several different things at an affordable price. Perhaps you think you might be into pain, but you also fancy the idea of getting tied up… ooh, and that “wax play” thing sounds exciting, too! A good BDSM starter kit gives you an entry point for several different kinks.

This way, when you find something you like, you can explore it further. And if you find something isn’t for you, then you’ve learned something valuable about your desires without having spent a lot of money on a toy that will languish in the back of the bedroom closet.

Easy and Convenient

A beginners’ bondage kit or BDSM kit takes the guesswork out of kinky shopping. When you’re new, you don’t always know what you don’t know, and trying to buy toys can be confusing at best. A kit gives you an easy, one-stop place to get started.

Stay Safe While Exploring with a BDSM Starter Kit

As I touched on above, improvising your kinky toys can be dangerous. Spanking your partner with a wooden spoon is likely fine, but did you know that tying someone up with a silk scarf is actually much less safe than using proper bondage rope?

Bondage kits sold by reputable retailers include products specially designed for kinky play that will help you to stay safe as long as you observe basic precautions and practice RACK (that’s Risk Aware Consensual Kink, FYI.)

Get Inspired

It’s a cliché, but a truism, that the brain is the body’s biggest and most important sexual organ. The real magic of BDSM isn’t just the feel of a flogger across your back or cuffs tightening around your wrists, but what’s happening in your mind – and in your dynamic with your partner(s) – as those things happen.

Your BDSM kit might contain items you’ve never thought to use before, and this can spark all kinds of ideas, fantasies, and inspiration.

Choose the Best BDSM Starter Kit for You

Ready to dive in? Here are a few things you’ll want to take into consideration in choosing the best bondage kit for you.

Budget

A BDSM starter kit can cost you under £20 for the most basic kit, up to £150 or more for a comprehensive kit with all the bells and whistles.

Interests

Think about the aspects of kink that interest you the most, and prioritise. If your primary interest is in restraint, you’ll want a kit that includes ropes and/or cuffs. If you’re more interested in pain, choose a kit that comes with paddles, floggers, or crops.

Aesthetic

Yes, it matters! BDSM is a very personal thing, and different aesthetics resonate with different people. If you’re after a darker, more atmospheric mood, an all-black set might suit you. If, on the other hand, you prefer a more colourful and playful feel, you might like reds, pinks or purples. Then there are completely offbeat options!

This post was kindly sponsored by Whipple Tickle. You can shop bondage kits as well as sex toys, lingerie, kink gear, and more at their site. All views and writing are, as always, mine.

Pink background with speech bubble saying "where can I buy a realistic sex doll?" Post sponsored by BestRealDoll

Where Can I Find a Realistic Sex Doll?

Published on by Amy

Readers and workshop participants, particularly cis men, ask me a lot about where to buy a realistic sex doll. There has seemingly been a huge increase in the popularity of sex dolls recently, perhaps simply due to their greater availability from retailers such as BestRealDoll. (Isn’t the internet great?) The idea of a realistic sex doll appeals to a great number of people for many different reasons. But where can you find one… and why might you want to?

What Are Realistic Sex Dolls?

Realistic sex doll with blonde hair wearing a blue low cut dress

A sex doll is simply an inanimate object, usually made of a material such as silicone or TPE, designed to resemble a human body (or part of one) and to be used for sexual purposes. Fundamentally, they’re nothing more or less than a type of sex toy.

Realistic sex dolls are available in all kinds of designs. The most common are designed to resemble cis female bodies. However, there are also sex dolls modelled after cis male or trans bodies.

“Realistic”, of course, is relative. No doll is going to 100% resemble a human partner. However, some dolls have that “uncanny valley” creepiness about them while others are much more lifelike.

It is important to note that sex dolls are often exaggerations or charicatures rather than realistic representations. They may emphasise particular features (such as large breasts or penises, tiny waists, or round butts) in a way that is not entirely in line with how real human bodies tend to look.

At least anecdotally, cis men are by far the most likely demographic to own a realistic sex doll. But people of all genders can and do own and use them.

Sex Dolls Are Controversial

Let’s clear one thing up: there is absolutely, positively no such thing as a sex doll that is sentient in any way. Despite the moral panics about AI sex robots that pop up every now and then, they are still largely the stuff of science fiction and experts believe they will never be commonplace.

Even so, a realistic sex doll – one made to look like a human – seems to stir up strong emotions for some in a way that other types of sex toys do not. Some believe that they are a threat to human partners and could potentially replace them. Others feel as though they could lead to abuse, violence, or dehumanisation against human partners.

I do not believe any of this. I also do not believe that there is any inherent ethical problem with using a sex doll, realistic or otherwise. They’re no different from a dildo, vibrator, stroker, or other sex toy. I’d need to see some serious, hard evidence to be convinced that there’s anything even remotely inherently harmful about them.

What Are Some Things You Can Do With a Realistic Sex Doll?

The most obvious reason to buy a realistic sex doll, of course, is to masturbate with a toy that looks and feels somewhat like having sex with a human partner. But beyond this, there are so many different ways to enjoy your sex doll. Here are just a few you might want to consider:

  • Live out fantasies around particular sex acts or having sex with a person with specific physical attributes
  • Try out new techniques that you might want to bring into the bedroom with your human partner(s)
  • Experiment with threesome, group sex, or same-gender fantasies without the emotional risk involved in bringing in other human partners
  • Play with kink scenarios such as cockolding, cuckqueaning, exhibitionism, and voyeurism

To me, the much more interesting question is: what would you like to do with a realistic sex doll? What about this type of toy appeals to you specifically?

So Where Can I Buy a Realistic Sex Doll?

As with so many things these days, the answer is “on the internet, of course!” You might be able to buy a sex doll at your local adult boutique or sex shop, but (due to the size, cost, and variety of sex dolls on the market) the selection is likely to be very small.

Fortunately, there are now numerous companies manufacturing and selling sex dolls online. With so many options out there, it’s important to do your research, read reviews, and understand what you’re buying. Good sex dolls are expensive, so don’t rush your purchase.

BestRealDoll offer what they proudly call “the world’s most realistic adult sex dolls.” Options range from basic genital or butt masturbators under $100 up to detailed, full-body dolls costing over $2000. Their sex dolls USA warehouse has thousands of products stocked and ready to go, with free shipping to mainland US addresses in 2-5 business days.

You can even customise your BestRealDoll purchase to your exact specifications.

This post was sponsored by BestRealDoll and you can enjoy 15% off in their online store by using the code CK15. All writing and views are my own.

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How to Incorporate Toys Into Your Sexual Roleplay

Published on by Amy

Have you ever taken on a role other than your usual self in the bedroom? If so, you’re in good company and possibly even in the majority. Roleplay is a tremendously popular and common sex activity, and inventive couples come up with all kinds of kinky roleplay ideas to keep things exciting.

Sexual roleplay allows you to explore dynamics, personas, headspaces, and aspects of yourself that you might not get to tap into regularly. It’s a fun way to keep a sexual relationship fresh and exciting, whether you’re newly in love or have been married for decades. And it can be a safe way to explore fantasies that might be too taboo, risky, or unethical to carry out in real life.

Just a few of the most popular roleplay scenarios include:

There are lots of ways to make your roleplays come to life. One great way? Incorporate sex toys! Here are just a few ideas for how to incorporate sex toys into your kinky roleplay.

Look for Sex Toys That Fit Your Roleplay Idea

If you have a particular kinky roleplay idea or scenario in mind, think about what types of toys those characters might use. This is really more about archetypes and an overall “feel” than being too literal about it.

For example, perhaps that fierce, whip-wielding Master might have a set of butt plugs to progressively train his sub’s ass to take more penetration. Maybe the lonely woman on a business trip who’s going to pick up a stranger at the bar has her favourite bullet vibe in her handbag. White toys can have a vaguely clinical feel which is great for a medical scene. And so on.

Let Toys Help You Step Into Role

Sex toys are highly personal, and many people feel an attachment to their favourite toys. Are there any items that help you to step into a particular role or aspect of yourself? For example, perhaps putting on a sexy strap-on harness helps you to embody a dominant persona that’s very different from your everyday self.

When you’re selecting sex toys, think about your favourite roleplay scenarios or ideas. Consider not just what toys do but also how they make you feel. What sort of mood or aspect of you do they embody?

Call Your Sex Toys Something Else to Match Your Roleplay Ideas

If you already have toys you want to use, there’s nothing to stop you from giving them different names to fit the scenario you’re playing.

If you’re playing a kinky doctor/nurse and patient scene, for example, you could call a sex toy a medical device for the duration of the scene. Maybe you’re pretending to be a Victorian-era doctor, curing a patient’s “hysteria” with a vibrator[1]. Or maybe you’re doing a more “mad scientist”, experimental type scene, in which a device worn on the penis (a cock ring) is used to measure the subject’s response to various stimuli.

Cuckolding and cuckqueaning[2] scenarios can be simulated using sex toys if you can’t or don’t want to bring a third party into your bedroom. Why not use a sex doll or realistic dildo, give it a name, and build a narrative in which one of you is fucking that person?

[1] This never happened, by the way. But it’s still a concept that many find hot
[2] Scenes in which one partner is “forced” to watch their partner have sex with someone else. People are into this for reasons ranging from humiliation and eroticising jealousy through to simple voyeurism

Create Roleplay Stories and Ideas Around Your Sex Toys

Your roleplay scenario can go in any direction you want it to. This isn’t a movie. The goal is fun, not realism. So if you want to craft a story in order to incorporate sex toys into your scenes, have at it.

For example, if you’re playing a boss/employee scene, the boss might have caught the employee with a sex toy in their possession at work… definitely contraband and deserving of punishment, right after they show their strict boss exactly how they use it. Or if you’re roleplaying a first time scenario, maybe one of you has acquired a vibrator from a surreptitious visit to your local sex shop. You’re not sure how to use it, but you’ll sure have a lot of fun finding out!

Sex, and especially roleplay, is mental at least as much as physical anyway. So much of what’s hot about sex acts is the stories we build around them, so get creative with your kinky roleplay ideas.

Use Toys as Rewards and Punishments

Many sex games, kinky scenarios, and roleplay ideas contain an element of power play. Power is intrinsically hot and wrapped up with desire for many people. So why not lean into that and include some kind of reward or punishment system in your roleplay scenario?

The person in the more submissive role could be rewarded for good behaviour by having theit favourite toy used on them. Alternatively, they could be punished by being denied that pleasure, getting spanked or having to watch the dominant partner using the toy instead.

Punishment, even in a roleplay situation, can be emotionally intense for many people. Make sure you negotiate thoroughly before you start.

This post was kindly sponsored by BestVibe. My readers can enjoy 20% off all products in their store by using code “coffee” at checkout! All writing and views are, as always, mine.

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How to Keep Long Term Chastity Play Fun and Exciting

Published on by Amy

Long term chastity play, with or without a cage or device, is an incredibly common sexual fantasy. For some, it’s also a kinky reality. Chastity refers to locking the genitals away in a device such as a cock cage or chastity belt. This prevents stimulation, orgasm, or even erection.

People are into chastity for all kinds of reasons. Some enjoy the stronger eventual orgasm that a build-up of sexual tension and arousal brings about. Others enjoy chastity as part of a power dynamic or D/s relationship. Some find a sense of satisfaction from the physical and mental challenge. All of these reasons, and so many more, are equally wonderful and valid.

What constitutes “long term chastity” is a highly personal question. Some people stay locked up for weeks or months at a time (be aware of the safety implications if you’re considering using a chastity cage long term.) For others, hours to days is their happy place. The only correct length of time is what works best for you and your partner(s.)

One mistake that new chastity players often make is to treat this kink as “set and forget.” But it’s not (usually) enough to simply lock yourself or your submissive into a chastity cage and expect successful long term chastity play to follow. That’s a recipe for boredom and a lacklustre experience at best, and feelings of neglect or resentment at worst. Whether you’re going for a week, a month, or a year, here are four fun ways to keep your long term chastity play fun and exciting.

Do Edging and Denial Scenes

One of the most fun aspects of wearing a chastity device is how sensitive the genitals are when it comes off. You can use this to your advantage by incorporating edging and denial sessions into your chastity play, whether you’re playing long term or short term.

Edging just means taking yourself or your partner almost to the point of orgasm, and then stopping. You can do this once, or many times. An extended edging session followed by being locked back into a cock cage or chastity belt can be exquisitely torturous for a long term chastity submissive.

Depending on your mindset, edging can be its own reward… or its own punishment. Some submissives love it, and others hate it.

Incorporate Other Types of Kinky Play Into Your Long Term Chastity

One of the wonderful things about chastity is that it pairs so well with many different kinds of kinky play. Almost any other activities you can think of can be combined with chastity to create a fun and sexy scene.

If you’re into impact play you can spank or flog your submissive while they are wearing their chastity device. Some submissives enjoy teasing or humiliation about (for example) how aroused they are getting from the pain, their inability to get hard in their chastity cage, or the fact that the impact play is the only stimulation they will get.

Long term chastity also makes every part of the body more sensitive. This means that even gentle sensations can feel more intense than usual. Sensation play, from stroking with feathers or soft fabric up to playing with scratchers or pinwheels, can be amazing here.

Rope and other forms of restraint can be used to enhance all kinds of chastity-based scenes. They can also be a scene in and of themselves.

Use Sex Toys

Even if you are doing a form of chastity play that does not allow for direct stimulation of the genitals, there are still lots of ways you can use sex toys to enhance your play. For example, if your submissive enjoys anal play, having them wear a butt plug can be a fun way to remind them of their arousal all day long.

If you’re doing edging and denial scenes as part of your long term chastity play, sex toys can be a great addition. Why not allow your submissive to “earn” minutes with their favourite sex toy in exchange for tasks, favours, or good behaviour?

Finally, if you’re an exhibitionistically-inclined dominant, masturbating with toys in front of your submissive while they’re locked up is a delicious tease.

Involve Other People in Your Long Term Chastity

If your relationship allows for it, involving other people in your play can bring a new kind of excitement and add an extra edge (pun entirely intended) to your chastity kink.

There are numerous different ways to do this. If you’re part of the kink community or have kinky friends, you could approach a friend to do a “double-domming” scene with you. Another way to realise this fantasy is to work with a professional Dominant, or Pro Dom/Domme. Serving two Dominants is a fantasy for many kinky submissives.

If you enjoy exhibitionism or voyeurism, why not go to a kink club and play in the semi-public space it affords? This might include doing a scene in front of other people, or simply having your chastity device on show in the space. There may be the opportunity to play with other people if you want to, but there should be no expectations.

Some people enjoy combining long term chastity with cuckolding or cuckqueaning. This involves the dominant partner having sex or playing with others while their submissive watches. It might include the enjoyment of feeling “left out” or the eroticising of normally negative emotions such as jealousy. It can also simply be about enjoying a sexy show, feeling horny, and then not getting release. Cuckolding and cuckqueaning can be very emotionally intense. Negotiate thoroughly beforehand and plan to give each other plenty of aftercare and reassurance.

Don’t forget about the potential for involving others online, too. This might include engaging with others on chastity forums or accepting “tasks” from fellow players online. Some Pro Doms/Dommes even offer online-only scenes through text, audio chat, or video call.

One thing you should not do is involve others in your kinky scenes without their explicit consent. This includes doing anything in public that is obvious or where you could reasonably get caught. It also includes making others (including members of the public, serving staff, and your friends or family) uncomfortable. Consent always comes first.

Today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity. They manufacture and sell high quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories, which you can check out through the links included! All views and writing are, as always, entirely my own.

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How to Make Sex Toy Use More Kinky

Published on by Amy

Given that I’ve somehow built an entire career out of talking about them (I know, it’s still totally bonkers to me too!) it will come as no surprise that I love both sex toys and kink a whole bunch. But what about all the fun ways you can combine them? Using sex toys isn’t necessarily a kinky activity in itself though, as with anything else, what makes an activity “kinky” is mostly in your mindset around it anyway. Someone’s vanilla is someone else’s edge play. One person’s hardcore BDSM is another person’s average Friday night.

Whether you’re a kinkster who loves using toys or a toy aficionado who wants to bring a little more kink into your bedroom, why not try some of these fun strategies to kink up your sex toy use?

Play Kinky Edging and Denial Games with Sex Toys

The reason most people use sex toys? Because toys get them off. Often because toys make them come faster, harder, or more easily than other types of stimulation. But what if you kinda get off on not getting off? Well, sex toys are amazing for playing kinky edging and orgasm denial games.

You can do this with a partner or by yourself. Simply use your favourite vibrator or masturbator (or have your partner use it on you), get close to orgasm, and then… stop.

From here, you have a few options. You can edge as many times as you like and then cum. You can edge as many times as you like and then not cum, allowing that delicious sexual tension and frustration to build. Or you can ruin your orgasm by removing stimulation the second you tip over the edge. Many sexual masochists find ruined orgasms exquisitely painful.

Toys and Bondage

Do you like getting a little tied up or tying your partner up? Sex toys can be a super fun addition to bondage—any kinky activity involving restraining someone or being restrained. Bondage can range from something as simple as immobilising your partner and using toys on them, to complex predicament ties or rope harnesses designed to hold sex toys in place. I find this type of play pairs particularly well with forced orgasms (more on that in a minute.)

You can even play with toys and bondage by yourself. Self-bondage (AKA solo bondage and self-tying) is very popular and you can find tutorials online to help you learn how to do it.

Always follow safety protocols: keep a cutting tool for rope or the keys for any locking restraints within reach, keep your phone within reach in case you need to call for help should something go wrong, and never put rope or restraints around your or your partner’s neck. (Not so fun fact: the overwhelming majority of kink-related deaths are attributed to breath restriction, and autoerotic asphyxiation in particular. Please just don’t go there.)

Forced Orgasm

A forced orgasm is when a consenting person is “made” to cum in a way that may be beyond their physical control. It can work particularly well for those who are multi-orgasmic or for those who find continued stimulation after the point of orgasm painful or uncomfortable in an enjoyable way.

For some people, the kink lies in trying to resist the climax until their body succumbs to the sensation. For others, the hot part is being made to cum repeatedly until they physically (or psychologically) cannot any longer.

Toys are great for forced orgasm play because they can create sensations more intense and overwhelming than bodies can typically produce by themselves. I find that wand vibrators are particularly perfect for forced orgasms because they’re just so intensely and overwhelmingly powerful. They also work equally well on both penises and vulvas. To keep your hands free while you force orgasms from your submissive, try a wand harness.

Sex Toys as Rewards for a Submissive in a Kinky Dynamic

If you’re in a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship or playing with some kind of power dynamic in the bedroom or in your relationship, you may want to incorporate rules, rewards, and punishments in some way. Favourite sex toys can be a great motivator in this type of kinky relationship.

For example, time with a favourite sex toy can be a great reward for an obedient submissive. On the other hand, refusing them permission to masturbate or use toys can be an effective punishment. Remember to negotiate thoroughly in advance to make sure you’re both happy with the rules, rewards, and punishments you agree on.

Play with Threesome or Group Sex Fantasies

Threesomes, foursomes, orgies, and other group sex configurations are tremendously popular fantasies that strike a chord with many people. In fact, according to some sources, having a threesome is the most popular sexual fantasy for people of all genders!

Actually having group sex is certainly possible, and it’s something many people enjoy very much. However, there are many considerations to take into account if you’ve never done it before: jealousy and insecurities, navigating multiple people’s boundaries, and the ways in which your relationship may change are just some of them.

If you’re not ready to go there for real, or prefer to keep it in the realm of fantasy, then you can use a sex toy to simulate your group sex desires without the emotional or relational risk. Realistic dildos, sex dolls, and lifelike pussy-style strokers are ideal for this type of fantasy.

…And Get Creative!

What about you, folks? Any creative or unique ideas on how to get kinky with your favourite sex toys? As with anything in the realm of kink, sex, and toys, you’re limited only by creativity, consent, and your imaginations. So play, explore, don’t be afraid to try things out, and have fun with it.

This post was kindly sponsored by BestVibe, and my readers can enjoy 20% off all products in their store by using code “coffee” at checkout! All writing and views are, as always, mine.

Header for post on myths about chastity devices and chastity kink

5 Myths About Chastity Devices and Chastity Kink

Published on by Amy

A quick note on terminology: this post refers primarily to chastity kink and chastity devices for a person with a penis (often called “male chastity”, though obviously not everyone with a penis is a man!) Chastity play for people with vulvas is, unfortunately, much more challenging and less practical.

What do you think of when you hear the word “chastity?” Do you think about medieval women forced to wear metal belts to protect their virginity? (Which probably never happened, by the way.) Do you think about religious doctrine urging you not to have sex until marriage? Or perhaps you think about your favourite kink.

What is Chastity Kink?

In the BDSM and kink world, chastity play refers to having your genitals locked away in a device, preventing pleasure, masturbation, and orgasm. There are no reliable statistics that I could find about how prevalent this kink is, but anecdotal data (and the prevelance of porn and erotica centered on it) implies it’s very, very common indeed.

And as with any popular kink, there are a number of myths about chastity devices and chastity play. Let’s debunk some of them now!

Myth: Chastity Kink Cages Are All the Same

Many new players make the mistaken assumption that one chastity cage is much the same as another. This can result in them purchasing inexpertly made and cheap devices, which may be poorly constructed or even unsafe. It’s always best to buy a device designed and made by chastity kink experts, such as those at Total Chastity.

Even once you’ve found a reputable chastity device retailer, all devices are not the same. They come in different sizes (to accommodate different penis sizes and sensation preferences), different materials (such as plastic, metal, or silicone), different colours, and different levels of security.

There are lots of factors to consider when choosing a chastity device. You’ll need to know your measurements and comfort needs, as well as having an idea of the kind of aesthetic that appeals to you. Take your time and don’t be afraid to shop around.

Myth: Chastity Cages Are Painful

Wearing a chastity device can be uncomfortable at times. For many participants, that’s part of the appeal of a chastity kink! However, your device should not hurt, and if it does that’s a problem.

If your chastity device is painful, you should stop wearing it immediately. Pain is your body’s signal that something is wrong, and ignoring it can cause serious harm. A painful chastity device may be caused by issues such as pinching the skin, compressing a nerve, or restricting blood flow, all of which can be dangerous if not dealt with.

You might experience pain if you are wearing a small chastity cage, have your device on too tight, have put it on incorrectly, or have chosen a material that doesn’t work for your body. Adjusting your device, or trying a different device, may be the answer.

Even if you’re practicing long term chastity, it’s important to let your penis out of its cage at least once in a while. You should also get to know what’s normal for your genitals and check regularly for any changes. If you have any health or safety concerns, speak to your doctor.

Myth: Permanent Chastity Needs to Be the Goal

Many people assume that the eventual goal of chastity play is to accomplish longer and longer periods locked up, perhaps leading to permanent chastity in which the device wearer is locked up 24/7/365. However, this isn’t realistic or even desirable for many people.

If you want to play with chastity long term, have at it! It’s important to learn about the health and safety implications to make sure you are engaging with this kink in a risk-aware fashion. I love this article, in which Dan Savage speaks to a certified urologist about the risks associated with long term chastity play and how to mitigate them.

But if you only want to do chastity play occasionally, or only for short periods of time, that’s equally valid. It’s not a competition and the only opinions that matter are yours and your partner’s. There’s nothing inherently better about staying locked up for half a year as opposed to half an hour. It’s all about what works for you!

Myth: Chastity Kink is About Humiliation

Chastity is often associated with kinks such as sissification and forced feminisation, which tend to be humiliation based. This leads to the misconception that chastity play always has to be linked to humiliation.

Chastity play can be about humiliation, but it doesn’t have to be. It can also be lots of other things. You might choose to wear a chastity device as a symbol of devotion to your Dominant, as a way to test your self-control, or because you enjoy how much stronger your eventual orgasm is when you are denied first. Your attraction to this kink might revolve around submission, physical discomfort, a mental challenge, an increased libido, greater attentiveness to your partner’s sexual needs… or something else entirely!

The beautiful thing about sex and kink is that it’s a choose-your-own adventure situation. You can play with the bits that work for you, and leave the bits that don’t. If chastity appeals to you but humiliation doesn’t, then you get to play with this kink in exactly the way that turns you (and your partner) on.

Myth: You Need a Partner to Play With Chastity Kink

Perhaps you fantasise about a partner locking you in chastity, but you’re single or your partner isn’t into it. If you think this means you can’t enjoy your fetish, think again!

There are lots of ways to explore chastity play without a partner. You can lock yourself up, challenging yourself to last a certain amount of time (or just stopping when it stops being fun.) Places like Chastity Forums and r/Chastity on Reddit offer places where you can chat, share experiences, and connect with other people who share your kink.

You can watch chastity-based porn (don’t forget to seek out ethical content!) Another option is to seek out a professional Dominant (ProDom/me)—many professionals specialise in chastity play and keyholding. You can find ProDom/mes who work both online and in person, so you can choose what works for you.

In short, you don’t need a partner to explore chastity and you can have plenty of fun by yourself or by engaging with others through online chat, erotic content, or professional services.

FYI: today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity, purveyors of quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories. I’d like to thank them for their kind support of the site – check out their collections through the links included! All writing and views are, as always, my own.

Header for a post about the rose toys trend

Are Rose Toys Actually That Good? Unpacking the Viral Sex Toy Trend

Published on by Amy

Chances are, if you’re familiar with the sex toy industry or have spent any time in sex positive spaces online in the last couple of years, you’ll have come across rose toys. Perhaps you’ve seen a company advertising them, an influencer gushing about them on social media, or a friend has told you about how much they love theirs. But what exactly are rose sex toys, are they good, and just why are they so popular? 

It Began on TikTok

I don’t really use or understand TikTok, mostly because I am over 30 and get overwhelmed easily. Therefore, I only became aware of this particular viral sensation when it spread out onto other platforms such as Twitter. I kept seeing people talking about this “rose toy for women”, so obviously I had to check it out and see what all the fuss was about. 

The rose sex toys craze seemingly began sometime in early 2021. In one viral TikTok clip dated 4 May 2021, which has over 631,000 likes at the time of writing, user @_queenk_95 claims to have reached orgasm in 30 seconds with her rose adult toy. Her enthusiastic commenters agree. “WARNING USE AT UR OWN RISK YOULL NEVER BE THE SAME” [sic] one commenter claims.

Image: OOTYEMO

Needless to say, this and similar videos had users rushing to try the toy in their droves. The TikTok rose toy trend is probably one of the biggest pop culture moments in sex toys since an infamous scene from a Sex & the City episode led to many stores selling out of rabbit vibrators in the late 1990s. 

“Rose Toys” Aren’t Just One Thing 

The original “rose toy” that took TikTok by storm seems to have been a rose-shaped clitoral suction stimulator from Amazon. However, even a quick search for “rose sex toy” brings up over 1000 results on Amazon’s US site alone, so I think it’s safe to assume that not everyone who posted about the “rose” was referring to the exact same model. 

I also really don’t recommend buying sex toys from Amazon. In a broadly unregulated industry, the chances of getting a mislabeled knock-off product (which may not even be safe) are too high.

Fortunately, there are now numerous reputable sex toy retailers selling rose sex toys, and they come in many different variations. The majority of rose toys are still based around clitoral suction, but they vary in exact shape and design, size, level of power, settings, controls, and so on. There are also versions with protruding tongues designed to simulate oral sex, versions with G-spot vibrators attached, remote control versions, and more. 

In other words, the world of rose sex toys is now a vast one thanks to their explosion in popularity. So if they appeal to you, you’ve got a good chance of finding one you like.

Sex Toys That Don’t Look Like Sex Toys 

For as long as there’s been a sex toy industry, there has been a market for toys that do not immediately look like what they are. From the classic lipstick and rubber duck vibrators, through to modern toys that look like little penguins or ice creams and the glass, ceramic, or steel constructions that look like works of art, there’s a sex toy to meet every preference. 

Image: OOTYEMO

There are probably a few reasons behind this. Many people, unfortunately, still feel embarrassed about using toys (sex toy usage has become far less taboo in recent years but many people still aren’t comfortable with having a toy out in the open). Discreet toys are also easier to pop in your bag—or take through airport security—without worrying about someone seeing them. Then, of course, there’s the sheer aesthetic value of some toys. 

The famous rose toys are no different. They don’t immediately scream “VIBRATOR” to the uninitiated, and one of the most endearing things about them is that they’re really, really pretty. As a femme, I really love pretty things and flowers, so an attractive sex toy that looks cute on my nightstand is an instant win. It’s easy to see why their aesthetic alone has helped rose flower toys grow in popularity. 

A Cute Gift 

Opinions on whether you should give sex toys as gifts differ. There are situations where you definitely shouldn’t (workplace Secret Santa, yes I have seen this happen) and situations where it’s maybe okay (a very close friend with whom you have that kind of open and frank relationship.) In the context of an existing sexual relationship where you know the other person’s body and preferences reasonably well, though, I’m all for it! 

A rose toy could be a great gift for the flower-loving femme in your life. It’s an imaginative and sexy twist on a traditional gift, and will bring pleasure that lasts a lot longer. 

Are Rose Toys as Good as the Hype Implies?

Having tried a number of rose toys at this point, I’ve had somewhat mixed but overwhelmingly positive to very positive experiences with them. As they’re primarily based on clitoral suction, rose toys deliver focused clitoral stimulation via pulses of air, which offers intense pleasure without any of the numbing effect you can get from poor-quality buzzy vibrators. 

Everyone’s experience is different, of course, but many users say that clitoral suction toys such as rose toys help them to orgasm more quickly, more reliably, and more intensely than any other type of stimulation. 

Today’s post was sponsored by the good folks at OOTYEMO, an online sex shop offering numerous different iterations of the rose toy as well as many other products. All writing and views are, as always, my own. 

Header image for Tantaly Sex Doll sponsored post

5 Great Reasons to Buy a Sex Doll

Published on by Amy

We’ve been hearing a lot about sex dolls over the last few years. These anthropomorphic sex toys are designed to look and feel like a human body, or part of one. Some sex dolls encompass the entire body. Many more are torso-only or even just a specific body part such as a butt, pelvis and genitals, or pair of breasts. They may be made of silicone, or of another soft and flexible material such as TPE. For some people, sex dolls are a kink in and of themselves.

(Sex dolls are distinguishable from sex robots. The latter refers to technology incorporating artificial intelligence that can mimic human-like behaviour in a more realistic way. True AI sex robots are still largely theoretical.)

Should I Get a Sex Doll? Ethical Myths

First, let me tell you a couple of misconceptions about sex dolls that might be on your mind if you’re wondering whether you should get one. Here are a couple of things I don’t believe about sex dolls.

First, I do not believe there is an inherent ethical issue in the use of a sex doll, any more than I believe there is one with using a dildo, vibrator, or stroker. However realistic it may look, a sex doll is an inanimate object. It is not a person, it is not sentient, and I have not seen any compelling evidence to suggest that use of these toys leads to the mistreatment or dehumanisation of actual human partners.

Should I Get a Sex Doll If I Have a Partner?

I also do not believe a doll can “replace” a human partner, any more than any other sex toy can. A toy or sex doll can give you sexual pleasure. That is its entire purpose! But it cannot hold you after sex, snuggle with you on the couch and watch movies, support your dreams, bring you soup when you’re sick, or take you out on cute dates. The differences between a sex doll and a human partner are so vast and obvious that to me, the idea of the former replacing the latter is just utterly absurd.

Though they’re most commonly marketed to straight, cisgender men, people of all genders and sexualities can (and do) buy and enjoy sex dolls. Here are a few great reasons you might want to consider trying one.

Sex Dolls Are Fun

Duh, right? But ultimately, the purpose of any sex toy is to provide fun and sexual pleasure. Sex dolls are no different. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, keeping up a regular solo sex life is still really important to many people.

Masturbation is healthy and normal. The overwhelming majority of people do it. As long as you follow a few basic safety precautions, it’s a pretty much risk-free way to get your sexual needs met. Using sex toys, including sex dolls, can absolutely be a part of that.

Maintain an Active Fantasy Life

Most people have sexual fantasies of one form or another. These can range from the very simple (thinking about having sex with your crush or going down on your partner) to incredibly elaborate fantasies with a plot and a whole cast of characters. It’s all normal and, as long as you can maintain a clear distinction between fantasy and reality, completely healthy.

Using toys such as sex dolls can help to make your fantasy or kink feel more realistic, allowing you to act out or simulate aspects of it. And if you fantasise about playing with someone with specific physical attributes, you can often find a sex doll that caters to exactly those preferences.

Try Out New Techniques

No matter how long we’ve been sexually active, all of us have so much more we could learn about sex. This is because human sexuality is infinitely varied and often changes throughout people’s lifetimes.

Perhaps you want to try a new sexual position, learn some new oral sex tricks, or perfect your hand sex game. Or perhaps you’ve seen something interesting in a porn clip, read about it, or learned about it during a class and now want to give it a go. Buying and using a doll can be a fun way to try out and practice new things which you might want to bring into the bedroom with your current or future partners. Some people also use sex dolls to practice kink skills such as rope bondage or impact play before attempting them with a human partner.

Remember that a sex doll cannot respond or give feedback, but your human partners absolutely can. So get consent and pay attention to their responses at every stage.

You Should Get a Sex Doll if You’d Like to Experiment with Threesome Fantasies Risk-Free

Threesomes are one of the most common sexual fantasties, and seem to strike a chord across genders and sexual orientations. However, bringing them to life is not necessarily as easy as it sounds. Finding two people who are both into you and also into each other is just the first hurdle. After that, you’ve also got to navigate three people’s sexual needs as well as handle any unexpected emotional reactions that might come up. Many people who do manage to pull it off find that the reality does not match up to the fantasy.

While it’s definitely not exactly the same thing as bringing in an additional human partner, using a sex doll can allow a couple to simulate a group sex kink without the emotional and relational risk that can accompany doing it for real.

Sex Dolls Are More Affordable Than Ever

Historically, quality dolls were tremendously expensive. However, they are becoming more and more affordable and options are now available for a range of budgets. A basic doll can start from around $100.

This post was sponsored by Tantaly, purveyors of high-quality torso sex dolls. All writing and views are my own.