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[Lube Review] Pjur Med Natural & Pjur Med Sensitive Lubricant

Published on by Amy

Pjur is perhaps one of the most well-known lubricant brands on the market, yet in over 8 years of running this site I’ve never done a Pjur lube review! That’s about to change, though, because I recently received the new Pjur Med Natural and Pjur Med Sensitive lubes to try out.

Pjur Med Natural vs. Pjur Med Sensitive: What Are They and What’s the Difference?

Pjur Med Sensitive and Med Natural lubes

Med Natural and Med Sensitive are two lubes from Pjur’s new Med range, and I received both to review. Under the European Medical Device Regulation (MDR), personal lubes are classified as IIb medical devices – that is, under the same category as products such as condoms, but also medical equipment such as blood bags, ventilators, and implantable dental devices.

What does this mean? Pjur explains it in detail here. In short, though:

  1. Since 2024, a product can only be sold as a personal lubricant in the EU if it passes the MDR.
  2. Products that are not MDR compliant must only be sold as cosmetics for external use.
  3. Products must demonstrate efficacy and safety to receive MDR certification.

Pjur, headquartered in Luxembourg and manufacturing in Germany, is among the first lube manufacturers to receive MDR certification. This means that you can purchase Pjur lubes with a higher level of confidence that they are safe for your body.

Med Natural and Med Sensitive are both water-based personal lubricants, with the main difference being the ingredients. They are both unscented, unflavoured, condom-safe, and toy-safe.

Is Pjur Med Lube Vegan?

I reached out to my contact to ask whether Pjur products are vegan and cruelty-free. Here’s what they told me:

Pjur lubes contain only vegan ingredients. However, sadly, all those sold in the US market (which is most of them) are tested on animals as this is required by law to make them a certified medical device. This means I definitely won’t be buying them again. I may not even have agreed to test them if I’d known this, to be honest.

For those in the UK or EU, though, “Pjur Med VEGAN” is a cruelty-free choice.

Pjur Med Natural Lube Review: Ingredients

Since Pjur Med lubes are MDR-certified, I’m going to approach this review with the basic assumption that all the ingredients are body-safe and of a high quality. Therefore, in this Pjur lube review I will only comment on things to be aware of depending on your personal needs and preferences.

Pjur Med Natural‘s ingredients list looks like this: Aqua (Water), Glycerin, Xanthan Gum, Benzyl Alcohol, Sodium Benzoate, Citric Acid, Potassium Sorbate.

First, let’s talk about glycerin.

Pjur specifically uses vegetable glycerin, AKA glycerol, in its Med range of lubes. Glycerin is a controversial ingredient in lubricant, with some experts believing it can increase the risk of yeast infections for folks with vulvas, damagemucus membranes and raise the osmolality of a lube, increasing the risk of irritation or infection. Others say it is safe and nothing to worry about.

This is ultimately an individual choice. I’d recommend avoiding it if you’re prone to yeast infections or irritation. Personally I prefer to avoid lubes with glycerin for this reason, but not everyone’s vulva is as sensitive as mine.

Benzyl alcohol is another ingredient to be aware of in this one. This common ingredient is considered safe for skincare uses, but it is a fairly common allergen and can cause irritation in individuals who are sensitive to it. Always do a patch test before using the lube if you’re not sure.

Xanthan gum is a common thickening agent and stabiliser. Sodium benzoate, citric acid, and potassium sorbate are common food-grade preservatives that are generally safe and well-tolerated. They also appear in only tiny amounts in lubricant.

Pjur Med Sensitive Lube Review: Ingredients

Med Sensitive is formulated for those with sensitive skin. Sensitive lubes tend to contain gentler ingredients, reducing the risk of irritation, infection, or allergic reaction.

The ingredients list is as follows: Aqua (Water), Propylene Glycol, Ethoxydiglycol, Hydroxypropyl Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Sodium Saccharin, Citric Acid

Propylene glycol is an ingredient that often causes people to panic because it’s a key component of antifreeze. Which, sure, but so is water. You don’t need to freak out about an ingredient just because it also appears in another, unrelated product! Propylene glycol is a common food and the FDA categorises it as “generally recognised as safe.”

Propylene glycol’s safety as a lube ingredient, though, is a divisive subject. I’ve always avoided it but, given its presence as a key ingredient in a medically-approved lubricant (and one for sensitive skin, no less), I might have to reevaluate this!

Traditional propylene glycol is a petrochemical, meaning that it is derived from non-renewable resources. However, there are also plant-based alternatives. Pjur does not specify which type it uses.

Ethoxydiglycol and Hydroxypropyl Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride (HGHC) both commonly appear in cosmetics products but less often in lubricants. Both are generally considered safe in small quantities and the former is subject to strict regulations governing how and in what quantities it may be used. Hydroxyethylcellulose is a gelling and thickening agent from plant sources, and sodium saccharin is a synthetic food-grade, non-nutritive sweetener.

Med Natural & Med Sensitive Pjur Lube Review: In Use

Both Pjur Med Natural and Med Sensitive come in 100ml screw-top bottles. The neck of the bottle is mostly covered, with just a small hole to pour the lube through. This setup tends to result in lube all over the bottle, all over the bed, or both unless you’re super careful. Pump bottles or disc top caps are vastly superior lube dispensing mechanisms!

Pjur lube bottle

The taste of both the Pjur lubes I received to review is pretty light and unobtrusive. Med Sensitive is sweeter but, due to the sodium saccharin, also has the kind of “chemical sweetener” taste I find really unpleasant. As a result I’m unlikely to use this one for oral sex.

Consistency wise, Med Natural is very thin and runny. Med Sensitive is slightly thicker, edging towards a gel-like consistency. This means that Sensitive is a longer-lasting lube and I needed to reapply it less often. Both left a slight sticky, tacky sensation on my hands after use, which washed away easily with water.

Both of these lubes have a light, barely-discernible scent. They wash out of clothes, sheets, and strap-on harnesses easily.

Pjur Med Natural & Med Sensitive: Verdict

Overall, I found these lubes fine, though I wouldn’t say I loved them. The medical certification does give me confidence in using and recommending them as safe options, with the caveat to always check the ingredients if you have any allergies or sensitivities.

I preferred the less sickly-sweet taste of Med Natural, but the thicker consistency of Med Sensitive. Neither have caused any negative reactions for my body, though I’ve avoided using the glycerin-containing Med Natural internally.

You can buy Med Natural and Med Sensitive from Pjur for $18/$23 respectively for a 100ml bottle (that’s €15.95/€17.95 for EU readers and £13.95/£15.95 for my UK friends!)

Thanks to Pjur and Little Leaf Agency for supporting this Pjur lube review by providing these samples. All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for Tracy's Dog Ciro dual stimulation vibrator review

[Toy Review] Tracy’s Dog Ciro Dual Stimulation Vibrator

Published on by Amy

Tracy’s Dog are becoming a regular feature on this site as they’re currently putting out new products at an impressive rate, such as the recently launched Ciro—a dual stimulation clitoral vibrator with thrusting, licking, and vibrating motions—which I received to review this month.

Let’s take a look and find out how I got on with this latest offering.

Oh, and don’t forget to use my exclusive Tracy’s Dog discount code coffee15 to get 15% off your purchase of the Ciro or any other Tracy’s Dog product.

What is the Tracy’s Dog Ciro Clitoral Licking Vibrator?

The Ciro by Tracy’s Dog is a vaguely C-shaped dual stimulation clitoral and G-spot toy. The insertable portion both thrusts and vibrates, while the clitoral stimulator is a firm ball that rotates and vibrates. This toy’s insertable length is around 6″, and its diameter is around 1.4″ at the widest point.

Tracy's Dog Ciro dual stimulation vibrator

The Ciro clitoral licking vibrator is made of silicone in the signature purple shade that Tracy’s Dog use for many of their toys, and has a gold coloured plastic accent panel for the two buttons.

In the sturdy, magnetic-close box, you’ll also find the charging cable, a drawstring storage bag, two sachets of Tracy’s Dog lube (which I won’t be using because it contains glycerin and disodium EDTA, but YMMV), the instruction manual, a warranty card, and some stickers.

The Ciro is IPX6 waterproof, making it suitable for use in the shower. However, it’s not submersible, so don’t take it in the bath or dunk it in a sink of water to clean it! It is also rechargeable via the included magnetic cable. I’ll talk more about the charging and battery life a bit later on.

What I Liked About the Ciro

I was immediately intrigued by this unusual design and combination of features. Yet another boring iteration of a generic rabbit vibrator this is not! It’s nice to see something a bit different from Tracy’s Dog in the form of the Ciro’s round, rotating clitoral stimulator.

Tracy's Dog Ciro dual stimulation vibrator

But how did it actually perform?

Let’s look at the things I liked about the Ciro.

  • Many dual stimulation vibrator designs treat clitoral stimulation as an afterthought (I’ve ranted about this before.) This one does not. The Tracy’s Dog Ciro’s rotating clitoral stimulator is just… really, really good, to be honest. It’s completely different to the traditional “bunny ears” design and I love it. It does not feel like “licking”, but it feels like having my clit massaged in circles with just the right amount of pressure. Yes. (Pro tip: lube makes this feel about 10,000 times better.)
  • The wavy ridges on the sides of the shaft will appeal to fans of texture. I like that I can feel them in use, but they’re not too intense.
  • The flexible hinge between the insertable shaft and the clitoral stimulator make it easy to position the toy in a way that works for your body. It also means it’s relatively easy to keep the clitoral stimulator in the right place during use (a major drawback of many rabbit toys is that it’s almost impossible to position both portions of the toy in the right way at the same time.)
  • The rigid shaft provides firm internal pressure, while the slight squishiness of the head is comfortable against my G-spot.
Tracy's Dog Ciro dual stimulation vibrator

  • I like the relatively short thrust. Toys with long thrusts are often painful for me, risking poking me in the cervix (ouch. Ow. No.) Its motion feels more like a “come hither” than hard pounding, which is vastly preferable in my book.
  • Even the lowest thrusting speed is pretty intense! This isn’t one for those who prefer very slow strokes, but ideal for anyone looking for fast thrusting.
  • The three thrusting speeds and 7 patterns, plus 3 clitoral stimulation speeds, offer plenty of variety.
  • The Tracy’s Dog Ciro has separate controls for the internal and clitoral stimulators, with a simple one-button control for each function.
  • It retails for a relatively affordable £48.36

Overall, this toy is pretty intense. Even on the lower thrusting speed, with both parts switched on it comes close to feeling overstimulating for me. Which can be fun on occasion! I don’t think I’ll reach for it regularly, but there’s definitely a time and a place for this kind of toy.

What I Didn’t Like

Though it has many good features, there are also a few things about the Tracy’s Dog Ciro clitoral licking vibrator that I found frustrating.

Tracy's Dog Ciro clitoral stimulator close up

  • The vibrations are super buzzy. Like… so buzzy. They’re the kind of buzzy that is likely to numb out my clit long before ever getting me off.
  • Related: I wish it was possible to switch the vibrations off. I think I’d really love this toy if I could use the thrusting and rotating functions without the addition of annoying, buzzy vibes.
  • The battery life isn’t great. A full charge takes 150 minutes (2.5 hours) and only gives you 50-60 minutes of runtime.
  • There are, as usual, no dual directional controls. This isn’t so much of an issue for me, as I tend to just choose the settings I like and stick with them. But it’s something to be aware of if you prefer to swap and change between different speeds and settings.
  • Like virtually every thrusting sex toy I have ever tried, it makes an annoying kind of high-pitched squeaking noise. It’s not particularly loud, but this sound is really grating to me (probably one reason I don’t actually use thrusting toys very often!) It’s also not “whisper quiet”. Companies, stop with this cliché. It’s literally never true.

Tracy’s Dog Ciro Clitoral Licking Vibrator: Verdict

Overall, I like this toy! It’s an innovative design not quite like anything I’ve seen before, and the rotating clitoral stimulator is truly excellent. I also particularly appreciated the shallow thrust depth and separate controls for each of the two parts. Though it does have some flaws, I’ll likely use this one again.

Get the Ciro directly from Tracy’s Dog or from the company’s Amazon store. Remember to use my discount code coffee15 for 15% off anything at Tracy’s Dog!

Thanks to Tracy’s Dog for sponsoring this review of the Ciro clitoral licking vibrator. All views and experiences are, as always, my own.

Header image for a post on how to get over a broken heart

7 Things That Helped Me to Get Over a Broken Heart

Published on by Amy

Heads up: this is not a generic “how to get over a broken heart” listicle. This is tremendously personal and I hope I can trust my readers to be kind.

Yup. It’s been an entire year, and we’re finally talking about this! I have tried to write something cohesive about this experience so many times over the last year, but it didn’t feel like the right time until now. I had to wait until I was sure I was really okay, really truly over it and out the other side, before I could write about it with the benefit of knowing for sure that the pain really does end.

One year ago today, I experienced the most brutal, absolute, and devastating betrayal of my life from someone I thought I would be with forever.

“Blindsided” is not even the word.

It physically hurt. I felt like I was dying.

I still don’t think I have the words to explain the depths of the grief I sunk into. The anger and the confusion, that time I screamed in my car down a deserted road just to let out some of the pressure that felt like it was crushing me from the inside. The nights I spent alternately crying until I felt numb and drinking myself into oblivion just so that, for a few blissful minutes, I wouldn’t have to feel anything.

But this post isn’t actually about that pain, or about the person who broke my heart. It’s about how I got through it. Because that’s the reality of even the worst heartbreak of your life: you do get through it.

One day, you wake up and find you don’t actively want to fucking die. One day, you wake up and you’re not crying before you’re even fully awake, they’re not the first thing on your mind, you don’t see their eyes every time you close yours. Eventually, you smile again. Laugh again. Dance in your kitchen while you make dinner again. Have sex again. Eventually, you even love again.

So this post is for everyone whose heart has ever been broken. It’s for everyone who’s going through it right now, who needs a reminder that there is joy out there and that this too shall pass. But most of all it’s for the Amy of a year ago who felt like she had lost a piece of her soul and thought she might never be happy again. Hold on, sweetheart. Joy is coming back. More joy than you can imagine right now.

This is just my little love letter to seven of the things that pulled me through.

Mr C&K: a masterclass in how to support your partner through a broken heart

I have to start with this one because fucking hell, this man showed up for me when I needed him. Supporting your partner through a breakup with someone else is a uniquely polyamorous experience, and my nesting partner could teach the masterclass. He picked me up off the floor (literally, once or twice.) He fed me and took care of the house and the cat and our life in the immediate aftermath, when I could barely get off the sofa. When I woke up in the early hours of the morning already crying, he pulled me close and reminded me I was still worthy of love.

Pretty words and promises are nice, but they mean nothing if they’re not backed up with actions. Real love? Sometimes it looks like someone who’s been by your side for a decade sitting with you while you cry and rage and work through the confusion, and then filling the fridge with all your favourite foods in the hope that you’ll eat something even though your body is so full with the sheer weight and volume of your grief that you can’t imagine having room for anything as trivial as food.

Sapphic music

A couple of months after my breakup, I started making a giant playlist of all the sapphic, lesbian and queer girl music I could find.

It was partly an attempt to reconnect with my own queerness. To remind myself that no longer having a girlfriend didn’t invalidate my identity. I found the angsty breakup songs cathartic. The love songs gave me hope that I might find something like that again someday.

Most of all, it was a feeling of being held by these women. Women I’ll never meet but with whom I feel a kinship because of our shared experience as sapphics in a world that simultaneously invisibilises and hyper-sexualises us.

Fletcher, MUNA, Hayley Kiyoko, Girli, Chappell Roan, Xana, Girl in Red, Renee Rapp and more wrapped their words around my heart and, on the nights I felt most profoundly alone, their songs reached out a hand and said “we got you.”

Crafting

You know the cool thing about having yarn, fabric, a set of knitting needles or a crochet hook in your hands? You can’t text the person who broke your heart (or pound that ill-advised fourth shot of gin of the night) while you’re doing it.

Sometimes, making things—counting stitches and rows, figuring out pattern instructions, occasionally ripping it all out and starting again—was the only thing that could stop me from thinking about her, calm my racing mind from ruminating on how stupidly happy I had been and how it had all gone to hell so quickly.

I crafted so much in the few months following my breakup that I ended up taking a stall of my yarn-based creations to sell at a Pride event. Every time I saw someone smile and pick out a piece I’d made in their pride flag’s colours, a little bit of my heart healed. I’d turned my pain into beautiful things, and those things brought other people joy.

Slow, careful and mindful attempts at dating

I got back on the dating apps around August. If I’m entirely honest it was probably a little too soon but I decided, fuck it, it’s been six months, maybe I’m allowed to have a little fun now? (Or maybe I just needed the emotional masochism of confirming, once again, my utter certainty that I would never meet anyone who was right for me ever again.)

Only… I did.

I had a nice date with a woman. Things didn’t go anywhere, but going on a date—laughing and eating sushi and getting to know someone new—felt like gently flexing a muscle I hadn’t used in far too long, like taking the cast off a broken bone. Then I dated someone lovely for about three months. We had fun. Then we realised we weren’t romantically compatible and parted on good terms as friends.

And then…

Well. The next bit of the story comes later in this post.

Queer community: a beautiful antidote to a broken queer heart

There’s an invisibility that often comes with sapphic love. This is doubled (tripled, really) if you’re polyamorous and your relationship isn’t a socially-sanctioned, legally-sanctioned, highly visible, hetero-read one.

So many people in my life didn’t understand that the relationship might have ultimately been short-lived and non-escalator, but that didn’t make it any less real. It fucking mattered. My love mattered. My heart mattered.

It was my queer community, particularly my queer polyamorous community, that understood. Those people witnessed and held the reality of just how much this fucking sucked. They allowed me to be sad then angry then hopeful then hopeless and then sad all over again. They let me go from laughter to sobbing and back to laughter, sometimes in the space of minutes.

And they never told me it didn’t matter because it didn’t last. That I should have known better, or that polyamory is always a recipe for disaster. They didn’t say at least you still have a partner as if that makes a broken heart hurt any less, or any of the other shit that clueless straight people hit me with.

Friends who understand

Sometime around May, three months after my breakup, I went for coffee with a well-meaning friend. When I got home, I said to Mr C&K, “I feel like an alien in my own life.” I felt completely detatched and cut off from just about everyone else on the planet.

There were a very small number of people who made me feel understood and seen. One of them was someone I didn’t even know all that well at the time, who had gone through a breakup around the same time. Over the course of a few months, our two person #BrokenHeartClub (or #BoozyBrokenHeartClub on the more difficult days) evolved into a friendship I’m profoundly grateful for.

My best friend and his boyfriend let me crash with them for a few days in the immediate aftermath while I got my head back on straight. My bestie alternately took me out and got me drunk in healing queer spaces (Eastenders-themed drag? Surprisingly good medicine for a broken heart!) and let me rage-sob on his sofa.

Finding love again: the hardest and most crucial step in getting over a broken heart

I had to save this one for last. It’s ultimately one of the most significant pieces of this story and the most difficult to find adequate words for.

There’s something a little paradoxical here. After a breakup, we’re not supposed to start looking for a new relationship until we’re fully healed. We’re supposed to get over a broken heart before we try to find love again. Yet, at a certain point, there is a form of healing that happens within a new relationship. If you want to learn to trust again, at some point you need to practice trusting someone. If you want to fall in love again, at some point you need to let yourself fall.

I met my now-girlfriend Em on a dating app in late October. Our connection was fast. We both read the other’s profile and had a moment of “were you made for me!?”. But it was also slow, in that it was over two months before we could spend time together in person. In those two months, we clocked up over 40 hours of phone and video calls.

On January 7th at 8pm, she walked into the bar and she smiled at me and I knew. On January 7th at 10pm, she asked me to be her girlfriend. Then, on January 26th, I told her I love her. Was I terrified to try again? Of course. But at some point, you have to feel the fear and try again anyway.

She was the final and most crucial piece. She profoundly sees me, understands me, holds me in the messiness and vulnerability of all that I am and have been and all that I might be in the future. With her, I felt able to take that risk. To trust someone. To stare down the fear of opening myself up to that kind of pain again and decide she was worth the risk.

She was—is—everything I needed in a new love. And she found me at the perfect moment.

If you’re trying to get over a broken heart, I hope this gave you a little comfort. I know you’ll get through it. Listen I love you joy is coming.

Lesbians kissing with one holding the other with her legs around her waist. Header image for a post about NRE or new relationship energy in polyamory and the common mistakes people make.

NRE in Polyamory: 4 Common New Relationship Energy Mistakes to Avoid [Polyamory Conversation Cards #19]

Published on by Amy

New relationship energy, or NRE, is not unique to polyamory. Also known as the “honeymoon period”, NRE is that giddy and love-drunk feeling you get at the beginning of a new relationship. It might include heightened sexual desire, intense emotions, or a desire to spend all your time with the new person. Staying up late into the night texting? Bugging all your friends because you just cannot stop talking about your shiny new sweetie? You might be in NRE! NRE in polyamory can be one of the main benefits of this lovestyle, in that you can (at least theoretically) experience it many times in your life without needing to lose existing relationships in between new connections. However, it can also cause some problems.

NRE has a biological explanation and a real purpose in building relationships. Simply put, it is the result of a concoction of brain chemicals such as dopamine, vasopressin, and oxytocin, which activate the brain’s reward centre and make you crave more. NRE can help to build strong bonds in the early stages of a relationship, laying the foundations for a lasting connection.

How long does NRE last?

The short answer is “it depends.” NRE naturally fades over time. Ideally, this leads to a more comfortable and sustainable, but no less wonderful, long-term bond. Sometimes, though, the partners may find they have little in common or aren’t cut out for a long-term relationship once the NRE fades. The typical timeframe for NRE can be anything from six months to two years, but your experience may vary.

In case you missed it, this post is part of a series inspired by Odder Being’s Polyamory Conversation Cards. As often as I can, I’ll pull a card at random and write a piece of content based on it. There will likely be some essays, advice pieces, personal experiences, rants, and more! You can read the whole series at the dedicated tag. And if you want to support my work and get occasional bonus content, head on over to my Patreon.

This week’s card asks:

“How can you best nurture your existing relationships when you’re captivated by a new, exciting connection?”

So it’s time to talk about NRE, the most common mistakes that NRE in polyamory can lead to, and how to avoid (or mitigate) them.

Polyamory NRE Mistake #1: Neglecting Your Existing Relationship(s)

This one is first on the list because it’s the most common NRE mistake of all. If you already have an existing partner or partners, it can be so easy to inadvertently neglect them when you’re in the throes of NRE with a new person.

When you’ve been with someone for a long time, it is easy to make the mistake of taking them for granted. You assume they will always be there. But neglecting your partner(s) during NRE can cause serious damage to those relationships.

A partner who feels neglected is understandably likely to feel bitter, jealous, and resentful of the new relationship, and may find it harder to be supportive or excited for you. This can also cause issues between metamours, since the neglected partner may find it easier to deflect the blame onto the new sweetie for “stealing” their partner’s time and attention.

What to Do About It

Whenever you’re beginning a new relationship, and particularly if the new connection is heavy on NRE, make a point of giving your existing partner(s) plenty of attention.

Set aside time to spend with them. Take them on dates, learn their love languages, and give them gestures that will be meaningful to them. Check in with them regularly to see how they’re feeling and ensure their needs are being met. Keep up with your half of any shared responsibilities, such as household chores or childcare. Perhaps most importantly, ensure that you’re not texting your new partner or talking about them constantly when you’re supposed to be spending time with your existing partner.

Polyamory NRE Mistake #2: Leaving Your Long Term Partner(s) for the New Shiny

This is the less common but more extreme version of the above. Even in polyamory, some people will mistake “I’m in new relationship energy” for “this person is my one and only soulmate” and break up with their existing partner(s) to marry, move in with, spend all their time with, or even become monogamous with the new person.

I’ve seen relationships and marriages of decades end for this reason. It’s uniquely painful to be dumped for someone else, particularly when your partner says or implies that it’s because the new person is “more exciting” than you.

What to Do About It

I’m not going to tell you “never end an existing relationship while you’re in NRE with a new person.” Some relationships need to end, and it’s always okay to walk away from something that is hurting you. But I will advise you to be extremely careful about doing so. In particular, never leave an existing relationship because of a new one.

It can be tempting to walk away from the comfort, safety, and relatively low excitement of a long-term relationship for the fireworks and butterflies of a new one. But here’s the thing: those aspects of a relationship don’t last forever. Think back to the early days of your relationship with your long-term partner. Chances are that it, too, was intense and passionate in the beginning. New relationship energy is never permanent, either in polyamory or monogamy, and it’s not worth throwing away a wonderful relationship for.

The new person is more exciting because they’re new. They won’t be new forever, and then what? You’ll be right back where you started and looking for your next NRE fix. This is why, perhaps counterintuitively, people who behave like new relationship energy addicts tend to be pretty bad at polyamory.

Polyamory NRE Mistake #3: Making Life-Altering Decisions During NRE

Relationships can be life-changing, in both good and bad ways. But one of the biggest mistakes people make during NRE is to make big, irreversible, life-altering decisions such as moving, getting married, or having children.

Of course, you’ll hear stories about people who did this and it worked out wonderfully. (I moved in with my nesting partner after less than a year. It worked out great for us. Does that mean I recommend it in general? No.) But you’ll also hear a lot of stories about people who did it and ended up suffering the emotional, legal, financial, and logistical ramifications for far longer than the relationship lasted.

What to Do About It

I believe it was Cunning Minx of the long-running but now dearly departed Polyamory Weekly podcast who said something like “never pack anything bigger than a suitcase during NRE.” And this is great advice. I would extend it to, simply, “never make life-altering decisions that you can’t walk back during NRE.”

So along with not dumping your existing partner for the new person (see above), don’t pack up your life and move across the country or the world. Don’t quit your job. Don’t have a child together. Maybe put off those matching tattoos. (I did get matching piercings with an ex. They lasted longer than the relationship. Would not recommend.)

And look, I’m saying this as a sapphic. So-called “U-hauling” is kind of our thing – we’re famous for it! But seriously, if you want to do all these things with your new partner, the opportunity will still be there in a few months or a couple of years. And if the relationship isn’t meant to last? You’ll be really glad you didn’t.

Polyamory NRE Mistake #4: Compromising Your Boundaries and Values

When you’re really in love (or limerance) with a new person, it can be tempting to do or say anything to make the relationship work. This can lead to compromising on your own wants, needs, boundaries, and values. You might sign up for dynamics that will make you miserable, agree to rules you don’t actually want to follow, transform your appearance or personality, or minimise aspects of yourself to make the other person more comfortable. At the extreme end of the spectrum, it can even lead to overlooking abusive behaviours or red flags for abuse.

Every time I have violated my own boundaries and values for a relationship, I have regretted it. Every time I have been a Crane Wife, I have felt like I was cutting out a piece of my soul.

What to Do About It

It can be good to be flexible on what you’re looking for in a relationship. After all, love and connection can come in unexpected guises. But it’s also good to get super clear on your bottom lines, non-negotiables, and dealbreakers. If you ever catch yourself saying “I know I said I couldn’t be with someone who… but…”, pay attention to that. Are you being flexible to enable a good connection to bloom, or are you compromising on something you really shouldn’t compromise on?

It’s also smart to listen to the people closest to you, such as your existing partner(s) if you have them and your close friends. If they’ve commented that you don’t seem like yourself, or that you seem to be living out of alignment with your stated desires and values, that’s something to pay attention to.

Relationships can and do change us. They can teach us things and broaden our horizons. But a good relationship enables you to be more fully yourself, not less so.

Managing New Relationship Energy in Polyamory: Additional Resources

Wildolo silicone fantasy dildo review header image

[Toy Review] Wildolo Large Silicone Fantasy Dildo

Published on by Amy

As recently as a couple of years ago, readers would ask me for recommendations for giant toys that didn’t cost hundreds of dollars and I would be at a loss on where to send them. Historically, the vast majority of the extra large toys on the market were made of unsafe or porous materials such as rubber, PVC, or TPE/TPR. Those that were made of silicone tended to be tremendously expensive. Fortunately, things are changing and you can now get a body-safe, extra large fantasy dildo without breaking the bank. Wildolo’s range of silicone monster dildos includes an array of the weird, wonderful, bizarre, and ultra-colourful for all your fantasy fucking needs. They kindly sent me this extra large silicon ridged fantasy dildo from their collection to test and review.

About the Wildolo Large Ridged Silicone Fantasy Dildo

This dildo is made of body-safe matte silicone (more on the texture below) in a green, blue and purple marbled effect, and features a tapering shaft with a series of wavy ridges that get progressively wider from top to bottom. As it is single-density silicone, the entire shaft has the same density all the way through (i.e. there is no firm “core” and soft outer layer.)

Wildolo ridged silicone fantasy dildo

It comes in two sizes, and I received the medium, which measures 10.49″ in length (8.98″ insertable) and weighs in at a hefty 0.95kg or just over 2lb. Its diameter tapers from a fairly average 1.35″ at the top, down to 2.87″ at the bottom. Yes: this toy is fucking huge. There’s also a larger version, which measures an enormous 14.76″ in total length and over 4″ in diameter at the widest point.

The Wildolo Large Ridged Silicone Fantasy Dildo features raised texturing on the head, vein detailing on the shaft, and a decorative monster/demon face insignia part way down.

This toy also has a large suction cup for affixing it to a flat surface. This features decorative detailing, too.

What I Liked About This Toy

The Wildolo Large Ridged Silicone Fantasy Dildo is a relatively budget-friendly option in the scheme of body-safe and extra large fantasy toys, retailing for $75 or around £61.50. It also has a number of great features to recommend it.

Namely:
  • The pictures don’t really do justice to how pretty the shimmery, glittery swirls of green, blue and purple are. When it catches the light, the effect is almost irridescent.
  • Speaking of its physical appearance, the fantasy aesthetic – such that it is – is fairly subtle. If you’re looking for a way to ease into fantasy toys without going straight for something that looks like a tentacle or an alien or a killer plant from outer space, this is a great place to start.
  • I like the tapered design. When using larger toys, it’s really important to build up slowly to ensure a safe, pain-free, and pleasurable experience. Tapered toys build this in, allowing you to gradually increase the size to the point that you feel comfortable.
  • The textured tip is excellent for additional G-spot stimulation. Presumably it would also work well for a prostate for much the same reason.
  • This toy is surprisingly flexible for its size. When it comes to very large toys, particularly for those who are newer to them, some flexibility can make all the difference in ensuring comfortable insertion.
Wildolo silicone fantasy dildo

  • The firm, dense silicone will be great for anyone who likes plenty of intensity and not too much squish for their insertable toys.
  • The suction cup is reasonably strong, particularly given the size of the toy. The large surface area of the suction cup helps to hold the toy firmly to a surface for as long as you want it to stay there.
  • The extra large base means it is anal-safe. However, I feel duty-bound to advise you to proceed extremely carefully if you’re thinking of inserting anything of this size anally.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

The finish on the Wildolo Large Silicone Fantasy Dildo is very matte. This means that it feels pretty grabby, which can be a downside especially for a toy this large. You’ll need to add lube, lube, and yet more lube for this one. (That was true anyway, given the size, but the grabbyness of the silicone makes it even more essential.)

Wildolo silicone fantasy dildo with suction cup attached to black tiled wall

The sheer size of this toy does make it a challenge to hold and manipulate for long periods of time. Its weight is something you’ll want to be aware of if you suffer from hand or wrist pain (or just, like me, have annoyingly tiny hands.)

I’ve said before and I will say it again that I just don’t think I’m really the target market for extra large insertables. I look at them and my body doesn’t go “ooh,” it goes “hahaha nope!” Realistically, I can use the top third of this dildo, maybe the top half if I’m feeling really brave. This isn’t really a criticism of the product, just an acknowledgement that it’s not one I will be reaching for on a regular basis.

Wildolo Large Ridged Silicone Fantasy Dildo Review: Verdict

Even though I don’t think it’s particularly ideal for my body, the Wildolo Large Ridged Silicone Fantasy Dildo is a well-designed and body-safe toy at a good price for the quality. If you’re into fantasy toys or looking to add something large to your collection without spending a lot, this is a great choice.

Thanks to Wildolo for sponsoring this fantasy dildo review! All views are, as always, my own.

Nothosaur MOOM custom dildo review header image

[Toy Review] Nothosaur “MOOM” Custom Dildo

Published on by Amy

You know what’s even more fun than shopping for sex toys? Creating one to your specifications! I recently told you all about Nothosaur’s custom dildo and custom fantasy toy service, which allows you to apply a dizzying variety of customisations to the company’s designs to create a piece that is entirely yours. As part of our ongoing partnership, Nothosaur kindly let me customise a toy from their range to test and review. After a lot of deliberation, I chose the MOOM dildo. Keep reading to learn what I like about this one and which customisations I chose.

What is the MOOM and Why Did I Choose It for My Custom Dildo?

The base product you choose will determine the shape and design of your toy. When Nothosaur offered me a custom dildo to review, I spent a long time looking around the site to decide which of the many options on offer felt right for me. Ultimately, I picked the MOOM. The basic product looks like this:

Nothosaur MOOM base product for custom dildo design
Image: Nothosaur. Colourway: “Streaming VioletBlue”

I chose the MOOM for my custom dildo largely because its shape really called to me. Its shaft consists of a series of long and elegantly intertwining vines, rising up to a pronounced head, and the broad base has those aforementioned little spikes. The MOOM’s shaft is relatively slimline, which tends to work well for my body—I do like girthy insertables sometimes, but they take a lot of warm-up. This is very much an “insert and go” toy, which can be an advantage sometimes.

The MOOM is based on one of Nothosaur’s many fantasy creature creations, a creature that makes its home in the jungle, collects pine cones and fruits, enjoys poems and stories, but also possesses a series of sharp thorns that help to keep it safe. I enjoy the combination of softness and fierceness in this characterisation, and in the combination of long, sweeping lines and the spiked base that make up the toy’s design.

I also just thought it was super pretty, fun, and unexpected, and I don’t own anything else like it.

My Customisation Choices

I went for the medium size MOOM dildo. I’m not a size queen by any stretch (heh) of the imagination, so at 5.9″ in total length and about 4″ in insertable length—the MOOM in medium is a fairly perfect size dildo for me. If you prefer a very small toy, choose the mini or small sizes. If you want more, opt for the large or extra large.

Next up was choosing the firmness. I ultimately went for the soft silicone because I don’t have many super-soft toys in my collection, so I thought it would be fun to get something a bit different. I also tend to like flexible toys, and I assumed the soft silicone would have more flex to it.

Finally, it was time to pick the colours for my custom dildo. I looked at the suggested colourways for the MOOM and, though they were all super pretty and creative, none of them felt like quite what I was looking for. Ultimately, inspiration struck and I settled on a marbled combination of bright orange, bright pink, and white that reminds me of the lesbian pride flag.

Nothosaur custom sex toys colour selection example
Nothosaur’s extensive colour selection

The MOOM in medium comes with a suction cup base by default, which works for me. This allows me to use it with a strap-on harness as well as making it convenient to hold. If you opt for the MOOM in a large or extra large size, you can add a vac-u-lock hole and adaptor for a fucking machine if you like.

Review: What I Love About My Custom Nothosaur Toys MOOM

And with all those decisions made, it was time to sit back and wait for my custom dildo to arrive. Which, in a couple of weeks, it did. The finished toy is so, so bright and femme and colourful! I mean, just look at it:

Nothosaur MOOM custom dildo

The website pictures really don’t do justice to just how bright and vibrant these colours are. The design is also even more beautiful and intricate close up than the images show. I feel like I notice some new detail every time I look at it.

The MOOM dildo has the perfect level of texturing for me. The “vines” along the shaft are pronounced enough to feel and to be satisfying, but not so much that it tips over into uncomfortable.

I’m also really glad I opted for the soft silicone for this one. I think it’s possible that the intensely ridged head and the textured shaft would have been too intense in a firmer silicone. But at this level, it’s absolutely perfect. The ultra-flexible softness also means that I can angle the head perfectly to brush against my G-spot.

Nothosaur MOOM custom dildo

The MOOM’s suction cup is strong, and its broad base makes it ideal for strap-on sex.

Finally, can we talk about those spikes on the base? They, too, are super soft and when the dildo is fully inserted, they tease and tickle my vulva every time I thrust or twist the toy. Amazing.

Get Your Own Custom Dildo

It’s safe to say Nothosaur knocked it out of the park with my MOOM custom dildo. The result is something beautiful, unique, and totally “me.” I love it.

Nothosaur MOOM custom dildo

Want your own? Head over to Nothosaur’s store, find the design you like, and get customising! A medium MOOM in 3 colours retails for $94.99, but prices vary according to the style and customisations you choose.

Thanks to Nothosaur Toys for gifting me this custom MOOM dildo and sponsoring this review! All views are, as always, my own.

SpareParts Joque Harness review header image

[Toy Review] SpareParts Joque Harness

Published on by Amy

Here’s a fun fact about me that tends to surprise new lovers: I’m much more of a strap-on top than a strap-on bottom. In other words, most of the time I prefer to be the person doing the fucking rather than the person being fucked. Unfortunately, gender stereotypes and outdated ideas about power dynamics mean that those of us who fall on the femme end of the gender spectrum and/or the submissive end of the power exchange spectrum are often assumed to be bottoms by default. Well, nope! I’m a femme and a submissive-leaning switch, and I also love strapping it on and fucking my partner. So naturally, I love getting to try out a new strap-on harness. The Pleasure Garden was kind enough to send me the hugely popular SpareParts Joque harness to try, and my girlfriend[1] was kind enough to help me test it out.

[1] Yes, after last year’s epic heartbreak, I’m in a new relationship! She’s amazing. I’m very lucky and very happy.

What is the SpareParts Joque Harness?

The SpareParts Joque is a harness for strap-on sex. It comes in two sizes (A fits a belt size of 20-50″, while B fits 35-65″) and two colourways, black or purple. Both sizes feature an O-ring (that’s the ring the dildo goes through to anchor it in place) that stretches to accommodate dildos between 1.25″ and 2″ in diameter.

SpareParts Joque Harness

The Joque is made of a combination of nylon and spandex, which is both comfortable and strong as well as moisture-wicking. Though these materials are not biodegradable or sustainable, they are durable and easy to clean. This means that, with a little care, your harness should last you a lifetime and never need replacing. These synthetic materials are also suitable for those who want to avoid animal materials such as leather.

The Joque features a wide, comfortable belt that sits around the hips. There are also two leg straps that hug the upper thighs and bottom of the butt cheeks. It fastens with velcro, meaning that you can make micro-adjustments so that it fits you perfectly. It also comes with a mesh bag for washing and storage.

SpareParts Joque Harness

Aesthetically, the Joque is perhaps a little more androgynous-leaning-masc than I would go for in a totally ideal world. Requesting the purple one made it feel a lot more like “me,” though. I can also, of course, femme things up by using the girliest dildos imaginable. (Which, naturally, I did. Before our date, I literally texted my girlfriend a picture of an array of dildos to pick from, all of which were some variation of brightly coloured, sparkly, or covered in little hearts.)[2] And ultimately, functionality is always going to be more important than anything else when it comes to strap-on harnesses.

[2] Since I know you’re wondering, I ultimately paired my Joque harness with my Lovehoney Galaxy Dildo on this occasion.

What I Liked About the Spareparts Joque

Retailing for £120/$148, the Joque is not a cheap option. However, for the quality I really believe it is more than worth the price. I’ve wanted one of these for ages, and now that I’ve tried it I can understand the hype entirely.

Here are a few of the things I liked about the SpareParts Joque.

  • It is super easy to set up, put on, and adjust. From unboxing it to being ready to use it took me maybe one to two minutes.
  • The ultra-adjustable velcro waistband means that even if my body size changes (which it tends to do quite a lot), the harness will still fit me. It also means that, if you and your partner have different body sizes but both want to top for strap-on sex sometimes, you don’t need to buy two.
  • It’s so comfortable! I love the wide waistband, which hugs my hips rather than cutting uncomfortably into them like harnesses with narrower straps tend to do. As a curvy gal, this is tremendously important to me. This harness is often advertised as a great choice for people who want to pack, and I can understand why. It’s comfortable and unobtrusive enough to wear under your regular clothes, if you like.
  • A fabric flap separates the dildo from the wearer’s body. This makes a big difference to comfort, particularly if you’re going to be playing for a while. It prevents uncomfortable rubbing or chafing. However, you can also move it aside if you prefer—for example, if you want to use the harness with a double-ended toy.
SpareParts Joque Harness

  • There are two small pockets, above and below the O-ring, where you can insert a bullet vibrator if you like. This provides additional stimulation to the wearer. You’ll need a tiny bullet vibe for this—something around 6cm or shorter is ideal.
  • It’s washable. Simply handwash it in some cool water, or throw it in the washing machine on a gentle cycle. (I recommend using the included mesh bag to protect it.) We all know that we should be sterilising our dildos between uses, but many people forget that their harnesses can also hold onto bodily fluids and bacteria. This is particularly important if you have anal sex or if you use the same harness with multiple partners.

Most importantly of all, the SpareParts Joque is simply a highly usable harness. With many strap-on harnesses, I have to hold the dildo in place or keep readjusting the straps. Not so with the Joque harness. It stays exactly where I put it and keeps the dildo perfectly positioned so that I can fuck my partner and keep my hands free. This allows me to touch and pleasure them in other ways at the same time (or to keep my balance in more challenging positions!)

Anything I Didn’t Like?

The only significant downside I wanted to flag with the SpareParts Joque harness is that the O-ring does not appear to be interchangeable. This probably won’t be an issue to most people due to its flexibility—I’m certainly not likely to be using dildos larger than 2″ in diameter—but if you like to use very girthy toys with your strap-on harness, it’s something to be aware of.

SpareParts Joque Harness

I also didn’t find the vibrator pockets to be ideally positioned. When I use this harness with a bullet vibe, it doesn’t really directly stimulate my clit. It still feels nice, and ultimately it’s not a big deal as I’m more focused on my partner’s enjoyment when I’m topping anyway. But if clitoral stimulation while you’re having strap-on sex matters to you, it is a downside.

SpareParts Joque Harness Review: Verdict

This is, simply put, the most functional and fully featured strap-on harness I’ve ever used. It is ultra-comfortable, it allows for numerous different styles of strap-on play, and it is easy to wear and use. I think newcomers to strap-on sex sometimes feel put off because harnesses appear to be so complicated and fiddly. But that doesn’t need to be the case. Turns out you just need a harness designed by someone who understands how strap-on sex actually works.

SpareParts Joque Harness with Lovehoney Galaxy Dildo

The SpareParts Joque harness does its job, and it does it damn well.

Buy this harness from The Pleasure Garden and check out their range of dildos to pair it with. You’ll want something with a wide, flat base—a suction cup dildo is ideal. Readers in North America can find this product at Babeland or Good Vibes.

Thanks to The Pleasure Garden for sending me the Joque harness to try out! All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

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What is a Polyamorous Family? A Few Ways Poly Families Can Look [Polyamory Conversation Cards #18]

Published on by Amy

Sadly, we live in a society that still has a pretty narrow definition of what a “family” is. Ask most people to describe a family, and they’ll give you some variation of “mum, dad, children.” But any of us who do relationships outside of society’s prescribed cisheteromononormative model know that this is just one option amongst many. Queer people have been creating intentional families, caring for one another, pooling our resources, and raising children together forever. Well, so have consensually non-monogamous and polyamorous people. So let’s talk about the poly family, how it can look, and the different ways polyamorous people arrange their households and families.

In case you missed it, this post is part of a series inspired by Odder Being’s Polyamory Conversation Cards. As often as I can, I’ll pull a card at random and write a piece of content based on it. There will likely be some essays, advice pieces, personal experiences, rants, and more! You can read the whole series at the dedicated tag. And if you want to support my work and get occasional bonus content, head on over to my Patreon.

This week’s card asks:

“How do you feel about having children with your partner(s)? What about your partner(s) having children with other partners?”

I’ve been sitting on this card since I drew it, wondering how to tackle it. I’m lifelong childfree by choice, and I have a personal policy of not dating anyone who has children or is intending to have them in the future. So in some ways, this question isn’t relevant to me. I also feel wildly unqualified to discuss parenting in any kind of meaningful way. However, I do have lots of poly friends who have kids. I also consider myself part of an all-adults (and cats) poly family. So this got me thinking about the various different permutations of polyamorous families that exist.

So what is a polyamorous family and how can you create one? Let’s talk about how they can look, shall we?

Creating a Blended Polyamorous Family

Blended families are not new. They’ve been commonplace for as long as separation/divorce and remarriage have existed, and probably even longer. In the monogamous world, they often happen when a couple with children splits up, and then one or both of them gets a new partner.

Creating blended families is also pretty common in the polyamorous world. A lot of people come to polyamory later, having been in a monogamous relationship for many years and had children with their formerly-monogamous partner. Others have always been polyamorous, but have split up or denested with their co-parent(s) along the way. In these situations, a blended family can occur when people who already have children start dating others (who may or may not also have their own kids) and decide they want to build a serious, entangled relationship.

Example: Alice and her wife Beth have a three year old child together. Beth then starts dating Charlie, who has two children with his ex-wife. Charlie and his children become part of Alice, Beth and their child’s life, creating a blended polyamorous family.

Having Children in a Poly Family

Deciding to have children is a huge decision and not something that should be taken lightly in any relationship. But if you decide you want to have children with your partners, there are numerous ways to do it.

If there are multiple people in your polycule who are capable of becoming pregnant, you will need to decide on who will carry and give birth to the child. Likewise if there are multiple people capable of getting somebody pregnant. Your decisions here will likely take into account a wide array of factors, from personal preferences to level of physical or emotional risk.

If you have access to suitable medical care and legal structures that allow it, some poly families decide that two members of a polycule will provide the biological material to create a child and another member of the polycule will carry and birth the baby.

Some people with multiple partners who are capable of getting them pregnant decide to simply have unprotected sex with both/all of their partners, letting biology do its thing and considering everyone equal parents regardless of biological parentage. This option is fraught with potential issues so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it, but it is a thing some people do.

If your polycule does not have a combination of at least one person with a uterus who can (or wants to) carry a child and at least one person with a penis who can (or wants to) get someone pregnant, you may need to explore other options such as adoption, surrogacy, fertility treatments, and so on.

A major word of caution: in many places, including the UK, a child cannot have more than two legal parents. This means that things can get messy and painful for everyone, especially the kids, in the event of a polyamorous family break-up. The laws surrounding parental responsibility and parental rights are complex, and vary tremendously by jurisdiction. Always, always consult a sympathetic family lawyer as part of your polyamorous family planning.

Example: Dani has two male partners, Edward and Finn, and they have all lived together happily for many years. The three of them decide they want to have children together. After extensive discussion, they decide that Finn will be the biological father of their first child but that all three of them will play an equal parental role. The three of them find a poly-friendly family lawyer who can help them navigate the legal complexities involved in this arrangement.

An All-Adults Poly Family

Of course, children are not necessary to create a family. You can also have a poly family consisting entirely of adults, if you want! My nesting partner and our cat are my family. Other partners and metamours and friends can and have also become part of that family, too.

All living together isn’t necessary to be a family, either. You can if you want to, of course, but it’s optional. Not everyone is suited to sharing living space and it doesn’t make you any less family. There are very few people I could happily live with. But my family is not defined by who lives under the same roof and yours doesn’t need to be, either.

Example: Greg starts a relationship with Harry. After they’ve been dating for a while, Greg also really hits it off with Harry’s husband Isaac, and they form a strong platonic friendship. The three of them spend a lot of time together playing games, watching movies, or walking their dogs and consider themselves a family. If any of them start a new relationship at any point, they’re also open to that person becoming a part of their family.

Family in a Parallel Polyamorous Relationship

Parallel polyamory occurs when a person has two or more partners, but those partners have little to no interaction with one another. They know the other(s) exist and may know top-line information about one another, but that’s the extent of the relationship.

However, practicing parallel polyamory doesn’t mean you can’t create a sense of family within your poly relationships. There’s no reason you can’t become family with both, multiple, or all of your partners. This is possible even if those individuals don’t consider each other family.

Example: James has two partners, his girlfriend Kelly and his boyfriend Luke. Kelly and Luke prefer not to spend time together. Therefore, James practices parallel polyamory and nests part-time with each of his partners. He considers them both vital parts of his family even though the two relationships are separate. He prioritises special time and building traditions with both partners.

So What is a Polyamorous (Poly) Family?

Ultimately, it’s whatever you decide it is! As Sophie Beer’s adorable children’s book says: love makes a family. You get to define what that looks like for you.

I’ve said it many times: one of the most simultaneously glorious and frustrating things about polyamory is how few roadmaps we have. This means there are few scripts to follow and we’re often making it up as we go along. However, it also means tremendous freedom to structure our relationships, our commitments, and our families in the ways that work for us.

Further Reading (and Listening)

Header image for AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator review

[Toy Review] AcmeJoy Ramsdell Mouth Vibrator

Published on by Amy

I think I’ve said before that, the longer I do this work, the harder it gets to find anything I haven’t tried before. Sure, I can still get excited about a really good bullet vibrator or a suction toy that doesn’t suck, but it’s rare to come across a sex toy that makes me go “huh… I’ve never seen one of those before.” AcmeJoy’s Ramsdell mouth vibrator, which they recently sent me to test and review, elicited exactly that reaction.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator

I mean. Look at it! Of course I had to request this one when AcmeJoy invited me to review one of their products.

What is the AcmeJoy Ramsdell Mouth Vibrator?

The AcmeJoy Ramsdell – or to give it its full title, the Ramsdell 10 Biting Modes & 10 Vibrating Speeds Stimulate Nipple Clitoral Women Vibrator (no I’m not kidding) – is a handheld sex toy designed to look like a pair of lips with a tongue poking out.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator

The Ramsdell measures 4.65″ in total length, and the mouth is 2.1″ wide at the widest point. It is made of body-safe red silicone with a rose gold plastic accent panel for the buttons. (Confusingly, the product page claims it is silicone and then later says it is TPE! I think this is a mistake as – based on the look, feel, smell, and flame test results – it definitely appears to be silicone.)

The Ramsdell is IPX6 water-resistant, AKA splashproof. This makes for easy cleaning but does mean the toy can’t be fully submerged in water (you’d need IPX7 waterproof for that.) It is also rechargeable, with a two hour charge giving around an hour of runtime.

When it’s switched on, the Ramsdell makes what I can only describe as a biting motion, with the mouth moving up and down. I turned it on and immediately stuck my finger in there, and this thing has quite a bite to it! Fortunately, as you’ll see below, it doesn’t really “bite” your genitals when it’s actually in use. The tongue can also vibrate, if you like. I think the overall effect is supposed to simulate oral sex, which – as anyone who has read my numerous rants on the subject knows – isn’t really possible with the current toy technology we have available to us.

According to the site, it can stimulate my “A & G & U” all at the same time. I’m assuming that stands for anus, G-spot, and urethra, which is wildly untrue (there’s no way this thing is getting anywhere near the G-spot and it’s certainly not stimulating three different areas at the same time.) Companies, take note: it’s fine for a sex toy to just do one thing, if it does it well. You don’t have to claim otherwise, especially when it’s so demonstrably not true.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell Mouth Vibrator Review: What I Liked

When it comes to the aesthetic of this toy, I don’t really have strong feelings either way. I can imagine if you’re someone who is extremely into mouths or lips, a mouth vibrator could be kind of hot. I can also imagine it might squick you out if you find a disembodied mouth offputting! (I’ll say this for it, though, it’s a hell of a lot sexier than the awful disembodied tongue thing I once tried.)

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator

From my perspective? It’s fine. It doesn’t turn me on to look at it, and it kinda makes me giggle, but it doesn’t actively make me go “ew, no” either.

With that said, let’s start the review with the things I liked about the AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator.

  • Does it feel like cunnilingus? No it does not. But does it feel good? Amazingly, yes, it really does! With plenty of lube on both the toy and my body, the mouth’s up-and-down motion is shockingly pleasurable. Despite the description and my first impression, it does not (thankfully) feel like someone biting my clit! It’s more like someone rubbing it in a very consistent pattern.
  • I particularly like that this toy can stimulate the entire clitoral area, not just the tip of the glans.
  • It also feels pretty good on nipples, if you’re into that.
  • You can control the mouth movements and the tongue vibrations separately. Want one without the other, or to use different settings? No problem. There are 10 “biting” modes and 10 vibration modes to choose from and use in any combination.
  • The buttons are well-positioned and easy to press, and the controls simple to understand and use.
  • At $31.97 USD (about £26), it’s budget-friendly.

I was surprised at how good this toy felt and how close it got me to orgasm. It didn’t make me come on this occasion, but I think it’s entirely possible it could get me off in the future, if I was sufficiently turned on to start with.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator with Sliquid lube

Though my overall review of the AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator is more positive than I expected, there are also a few things I didn’t like.

  • The noise. It’s not that it is particularly loud, just that the up-and-down mechanism kind of squeaks in a way that hurts my neurodivergent and sound-sensitive soul.
  • The vibrations are tremendously buzzy and not particularly strong. They’re kinda okay as an accompaniment to the mouth movements, but they start making my clit feel numb pretty fast if I use them for too long.
  • If I press it too hard against my body, the up-and-down motion stops working. This is something to be aware of if you’re someone who likes lots of pressure when you use toys.
  • I would have preferred the silicone on the lips to be slightly softer and squishier. It’s not bad as it is, but this would enhance comfort and pleasure during use.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell Review: Verdict

Significantly better than I expected!

I am somewhat surprised to say that as a concept for a toy, this works. I would like to see some changes made to improve it – notably, softening up the “lips” and making the motor in the tongue more powerful and rumbly. I’d happily pay more for a better version of this basic design. Overall, though? Not bad at all. It’s something new and different, and a creative twist on the enduringly popular “tongue toy” theme.

Get it from AcmeJoy.

Thanks to AcmeJoy for sponsoring this post and sending me this product to review! All views and experiences, as always, are mine.

Lovense Osci 3 review header

[Toy Review] Lovense Osci 3

Published on by Amy

Lovense Osci 3 review update/disclaimer 2025: Lovense has come under fire for significant security breaches in the last few months, including allegedly exposing users’ email addresses in the supposedly-anonymous app. Though the company claims to have fixed the problem, this is part of a pattern of worrying privacy concerns when it comes to app-controlled sex toys in general. Do with this information what you choose, but it has made me extremely hesitant about using toy apps personally. I have updated my Lovense reviews to include this information to allow you to make an informed choice.

Rabbit vibrators are hard to get right. As a general rule, when one lands in my review queue I have pretty low expectations. A rabbit vibe I enjoy is a rare find. A rabbit vibe that can actually make me come is even rarer. Still, I like to keep an open mind, so let’s get into my review of the Lovense Osci 3.

What is the Lovense Osci 3?

Lovense Osci 3 app-controlled rabbit vibrator

The Lovense Osci 3 is the latest in Lovense’s line of Osci toys. It measures 8.5″ in total length, around 5″ in insertable length, and 1.2″ in diameter at the widest point. The Osci 3 has three functions: an oscillating G-spot stimulator on the end of the internal arm, a flexible vibrating clitoral stimulator, and a warming function. The internal arm offers an impressive 4000-6000 oscillations per minute.

This toy is made of Lovense’s signature hot pink silicone. It is IPX7 waterproof, meaning it is fully submersible, and rechargeable. A full charge takes just 75 minutes and gives you up to 3 hours of battery life.

Like most Lovense products, the Osci 3 is app-controllable via the Lovense app. This gives you tonnes more options for ways to play, and also allows you to hand over control to a partner anywhere in the world.

Lovense Osci 3 Review: What I Liked

Lovense Osci 3 app-controlled rabbit vibrator

The Osci 3 is an impressively full-featured toy with a lot to recommend it. These are the main things I liked about it, and that you might appreciate too:

  • I love that the G-spot stimulator oscillates rather than vibrating. I’m really not a fan of internal vibrations, finding them far more uncomfortable than pleasurable. But the Osci 3’s rapid tapping motion is quite a different sensation. It’s also far more focused, stimulating the G-spot intensely without vibrating the entire vagina.
  • The flexible clitoral stimulator makes it relatively easy to try different positions and angles to find what works for your unique body.
  • The intense curve of the insertable shaft is fantastic for targeted G-spot pressure.
  • The two motors are independently controllable. This means you can use one without the other, use them together, and use them on two completely different settings – whatever you prefer, the experience is completely customisable.
  • The clitoral motor is strong and, even better, fairly rumbly.
  • Connecting with the Lovense app (free on Android and iOS) was easy and took seconds. You can use the “Remote” function to control each of the toy’s motors with the swipe of a finger, use the “My Patterns” function to use the various inbuilt settings or create your own, use the “Music” function to sync your toy to music stored on your device.
  • You can add more than one partner! This is great for those of us who are non-monogamous. Many sex toy apps still only allow you to have one partner connected at a time.
  • The “Control Link” function allows you to hand over control and chat anonymously without connecting or showing any personal data. I don’t really have much use for this function personally, but it’s one of the reasons Lovense toys are popular with online cam performers.
  • Through the app, you can also sync your toy with various types of online content and other adult apps, play games such as “Control Roulette”, turn on sound-activated mode, and much more. Use the “app gallery” and “discover” tabs to do this.
  • The heating function really changes how the toy feels, bringing it up to just above body temperature. It also works quickly, heating the toy in 1-1.5 minutes.
  • The quick charging time is a nice bonus, especially given the excellent battery life.
  • It’s not too loud.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Because no toy is perfect, I do also have a few gripes with the Osci 3.

Lovense Osci 3 buttons
Lovense Osci 3 G-spot stimulator

  • I actually might have liked one slower speed for the oscillating G-spot stimulator! I know this is an unusual thing for me to say, but even on the slowest speed it’s pretty fast and intense. If I’m not very well warmed up, this can be too much.
  • The silicone is extremely matte and “grabby.” You can overcome this with plenty of lube (water-based is best for silicone toys!). Even so, I would have preferred it to be softer and smoother.
  • I feel like I say this about virtually every toy I test, but dual-directional controls please! It’s really distracting and offputting having to scroll through every setting just to go back one.
  • Lovense toys generally really do require the app to get the most out of them. As someone who doesn’t really use sex toy apps except on very rare occasions, I do consider this a downside personally. I just want to switch my toy on and have access to all its features without needing to fuck around with my phone! Of course, your preferences may vary.

Lovense Osci 3: Verdict

The reality of the situation is that I just don’t really use rabbit vibrators very much. As rabbit vibes go, though, I think the Lovense Osci 3 is excellent. It’s objectively well-designed, with body-friendly flexibility and great motors.

Like many Lovense toys, it really comes into its own with the app. If you just want a rabbit vibrator you can enjoy without bothering with app controls, there are cheaper options on the market which are just as good. But if you want something you can use long-distance, or something with extensive app-based and online features, the Osci 3 is a worthwhile purchase.

Lovense Osci 3 prices start from £159/$139.99. It is available directly from Lovense as well as from retailers such as Shevibe, Good Vibes, Babeland, Sex Toys UK, Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US.

Thanks to Lovense for sending me the Osci 3 to review! All writing and views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post and if you use them to buy this or any other Lovense product, I will make a small commission at no additional cost to you.