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[Toy Review] SpareParts Joque Harness

Published on by Amy

Here’s a fun fact about me that tends to surprise new lovers: I’m much more of a strap-on top than a strap-on bottom. In other words, most of the time I prefer to be the person doing the fucking rather than the person being fucked. Unfortunately, gender stereotypes and outdated ideas about power dynamics mean that those of us who fall on the femme end of the gender spectrum and/or the submissive end of the power exchange spectrum are often assumed to be bottoms by default. Well, nope! I’m a femme and a submissive-leaning switch, and I also love strapping it on and fucking my partner. So naturally, I love getting to try out a new strap-on harness. The Pleasure Garden was kind enough to send me the hugely popular SpareParts Joque harness to try, and my girlfriend[1] was kind enough to help me test it out.

[1] Yes, after last year’s epic heartbreak, I’m in a new relationship! She’s amazing. I’m very lucky and very happy.

What is the SpareParts Joque Harness?

The SpareParts Joque is a harness for strap-on sex. It comes in two sizes (A fits a belt size of 20-50″, while B fits 35-65″) and two colourways, black or purple. Both sizes feature an O-ring (that’s the ring the dildo goes through to anchor it in place) that stretches to accommodate dildos between 1.25″ and 2″ in diameter.

SpareParts Joque Harness

The Joque is made of a combination of nylon and spandex, which is both comfortable and strong as well as moisture-wicking. Though these materials are not biodegradable or sustainable, they are durable and easy to clean. This means that, with a little care, your harness should last you a lifetime and never need replacing. These synthetic materials are also suitable for those who want to avoid animal materials such as leather.

The Joque features a wide, comfortable belt that sits around the hips. There are also two leg straps that hug the upper thighs and bottom of the butt cheeks. It fastens with velcro, meaning that you can make micro-adjustments so that it fits you perfectly. It also comes with a mesh bag for washing and storage.

SpareParts Joque Harness

Aesthetically, the Joque is perhaps a little more androgynous-leaning-masc than I would go for in a totally ideal world. Requesting the purple one made it feel a lot more like “me,” though. I can also, of course, femme things up by using the girliest dildos imaginable. (Which, naturally, I did. Before our date, I literally texted my girlfriend a picture of an array of dildos to pick from, all of which were some variation of brightly coloured, sparkly, or covered in little hearts.)[2] And ultimately, functionality is always going to be more important than anything else when it comes to strap-on harnesses.

[2] Since I know you’re wondering, I ultimately paired my Joque harness with my Lovehoney Galaxy Dildo on this occasion.

What I Liked About the Spareparts Joque

Retailing for £120/$148, the Joque is not a cheap option. However, for the quality I really believe it is more than worth the price. I’ve wanted one of these for ages, and now that I’ve tried it I can understand the hype entirely.

Here are a few of the things I liked about the SpareParts Joque.

  • It is super easy to set up, put on, and adjust. From unboxing it to being ready to use it took me maybe one to two minutes.
  • The ultra-adjustable velcro waistband means that even if my body size changes (which it tends to do quite a lot), the harness will still fit me. It also means that, if you and your partner have different body sizes but both want to top for strap-on sex sometimes, you don’t need to buy two.
  • It’s so comfortable! I love the wide waistband, which hugs my hips rather than cutting uncomfortably into them like harnesses with narrower straps tend to do. As a curvy gal, this is tremendously important to me. This harness is often advertised as a great choice for people who want to pack, and I can understand why. It’s comfortable and unobtrusive enough to wear under your regular clothes, if you like.
  • A fabric flap separates the dildo from the wearer’s body. This makes a big difference to comfort, particularly if you’re going to be playing for a while. It prevents uncomfortable rubbing or chafing. However, you can also move it aside if you prefer—for example, if you want to use the harness with a double-ended toy.
SpareParts Joque Harness

  • There are two small pockets, above and below the O-ring, where you can insert a bullet vibrator if you like. This provides additional stimulation to the wearer. You’ll need a tiny bullet vibe for this—something around 6cm or shorter is ideal.
  • It’s washable. Simply handwash it in some cool water, or throw it in the washing machine on a gentle cycle. (I recommend using the included mesh bag to protect it.) We all know that we should be sterilising our dildos between uses, but many people forget that their harnesses can also hold onto bodily fluids and bacteria. This is particularly important if you have anal sex or if you use the same harness with multiple partners.

Most importantly of all, the SpareParts Joque is simply a highly usable harness. With many strap-on harnesses, I have to hold the dildo in place or keep readjusting the straps. Not so with the Joque harness. It stays exactly where I put it and keeps the dildo perfectly positioned so that I can fuck my partner and keep my hands free. This allows me to touch and pleasure them in other ways at the same time (or to keep my balance in more challenging positions!)

Anything I Didn’t Like?

The only significant downside I wanted to flag with the SpareParts Joque harness is that the O-ring does not appear to be interchangeable. This probably won’t be an issue to most people due to its flexibility—I’m certainly not likely to be using dildos larger than 2″ in diameter—but if you like to use very girthy toys with your strap-on harness, it’s something to be aware of.

SpareParts Joque Harness

I also didn’t find the vibrator pockets to be ideally positioned. When I use this harness with a bullet vibe, it doesn’t really directly stimulate my clit. It still feels nice, and ultimately it’s not a big deal as I’m more focused on my partner’s enjoyment when I’m topping anyway. But if clitoral stimulation while you’re having strap-on sex matters to you, it is a downside.

SpareParts Joque Harness Review: Verdict

This is, simply put, the most functional and fully featured strap-on harness I’ve ever used. It is ultra-comfortable, it allows for numerous different styles of strap-on play, and it is easy to wear and use. I think newcomers to strap-on sex sometimes feel put off because harnesses appear to be so complicated and fiddly. But that doesn’t need to be the case. Turns out you just need a harness designed by someone who understands how strap-on sex actually works.

SpareParts Joque Harness with Lovehoney Galaxy Dildo

The SpareParts Joque harness does its job, and it does it damn well.

Buy this harness from The Pleasure Garden and check out their range of dildos to pair it with. You’ll want something with a wide, flat base—a suction cup dildo is ideal. Readers in North America can find this product at Babeland or Good Vibes.

Thanks to The Pleasure Garden for sending me the Joque harness to try out! All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

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What is a Polyamorous Family? A Few Ways Poly Families Can Look [Polyamory Conversation Cards #18]

Published on by Amy

Sadly, we live in a society that still has a pretty narrow definition of what a “family” is. Ask most people to describe a family, and they’ll give you some variation of “mum, dad, children.” But any of us who do relationships outside of society’s prescribed cisheteromononormative model know that this is just one option amongst many. Queer people have been creating intentional families, caring for one another, pooling our resources, and raising children together forever. Well, so have consensually non-monogamous and polyamorous people. So let’s talk about the poly family, how it can look, and the different ways polyamorous people arrange their households and families.

In case you missed it, this post is part of a series inspired by Odder Being’s Polyamory Conversation Cards. As often as I can, I’ll pull a card at random and write a piece of content based on it. There will likely be some essays, advice pieces, personal experiences, rants, and more! You can read the whole series at the dedicated tag. And if you want to support my work and get occasional bonus content, head on over to my Patreon.

This week’s card asks:

“How do you feel about having children with your partner(s)? What about your partner(s) having children with other partners?”

I’ve been sitting on this card since I drew it, wondering how to tackle it. I’m lifelong childfree by choice, and I have a personal policy of not dating anyone who has children or is intending to have them in the future. So in some ways, this question isn’t relevant to me. I also feel wildly unqualified to discuss parenting in any kind of meaningful way. However, I do have lots of poly friends who have kids. I also consider myself part of an all-adults (and cats) poly family. So this got me thinking about the various different permutations of polyamorous families that exist.

So what is a polyamorous family and how can you create one? Let’s talk about how they can look, shall we?

Creating a Blended Polyamorous Family

Blended families are not new. They’ve been commonplace for as long as separation/divorce and remarriage have existed, and probably even longer. In the monogamous world, they often happen when a couple with children splits up, and then one or both of them gets a new partner.

Creating blended families is also pretty common in the polyamorous world. A lot of people come to polyamory later, having been in a monogamous relationship for many years and had children with their formerly-monogamous partner. Others have always been polyamorous, but have split up or denested with their co-parent(s) along the way. In these situations, a blended family can occur when people who already have children start dating others (who may or may not also have their own kids) and decide they want to build a serious, entangled relationship.

Example: Alice and her wife Beth have a three year old child together. Beth then starts dating Charlie, who has two children with his ex-wife. Charlie and his children become part of Alice, Beth and their child’s life, creating a blended polyamorous family.

Having Children in a Poly Family

Deciding to have children is a huge decision and not something that should be taken lightly in any relationship. But if you decide you want to have children with your partners, there are numerous ways to do it.

If there are multiple people in your polycule who are capable of becoming pregnant, you will need to decide on who will carry and give birth to the child. Likewise if there are multiple people capable of getting somebody pregnant. Your decisions here will likely take into account a wide array of factors, from personal preferences to level of physical or emotional risk.

If you have access to suitable medical care and legal structures that allow it, some poly families decide that two members of a polycule will provide the biological material to create a child and another member of the polycule will carry and birth the baby.

Some people with multiple partners who are capable of getting them pregnant decide to simply have unprotected sex with both/all of their partners, letting biology do its thing and considering everyone equal parents regardless of biological parentage. This option is fraught with potential issues so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it, but it is a thing some people do.

If your polycule does not have a combination of at least one person with a uterus who can (or wants to) carry a child and at least one person with a penis who can (or wants to) get someone pregnant, you may need to explore other options such as adoption, surrogacy, fertility treatments, and so on.

A major word of caution: in many places, including the UK, a child cannot have more than two legal parents. This means that things can get messy and painful for everyone, especially the kids, in the event of a polyamorous family break-up. The laws surrounding parental responsibility and parental rights are complex, and vary tremendously by jurisdiction. Always, always consult a sympathetic family lawyer as part of your polyamorous family planning.

Example: Dani has two male partners, Edward and Finn, and they have all lived together happily for many years. The three of them decide they want to have children together. After extensive discussion, they decide that Finn will be the biological father of their first child but that all three of them will play an equal parental role. The three of them find a poly-friendly family lawyer who can help them navigate the legal complexities involved in this arrangement.

An All-Adults Poly Family

Of course, children are not necessary to create a family. You can also have a poly family consisting entirely of adults, if you want! My nesting partner and our cat are my family. Other partners and metamours and friends can and have also become part of that family, too.

All living together isn’t necessary to be a family, either. You can if you want to, of course, but it’s optional. Not everyone is suited to sharing living space and it doesn’t make you any less family. There are very few people I could happily live with. But my family is not defined by who lives under the same roof and yours doesn’t need to be, either.

Example: Greg starts a relationship with Harry. After they’ve been dating for a while, Greg also really hits it off with Harry’s husband Isaac, and they form a strong platonic friendship. The three of them spend a lot of time together playing games, watching movies, or walking their dogs and consider themselves a family. If any of them start a new relationship at any point, they’re also open to that person becoming a part of their family.

Family in a Parallel Polyamorous Relationship

Parallel polyamory occurs when a person has two or more partners, but those partners have little to no interaction with one another. They know the other(s) exist and may know top-line information about one another, but that’s the extent of the relationship.

However, practicing parallel polyamory doesn’t mean you can’t create a sense of family within your poly relationships. There’s no reason you can’t become family with both, multiple, or all of your partners. This is possible even if those individuals don’t consider each other family.

Example: James has two partners, his girlfriend Kelly and his boyfriend Luke. Kelly and Luke prefer not to spend time together. Therefore, James practices parallel polyamory and nests part-time with each of his partners. He considers them both vital parts of his family even though the two relationships are separate. He prioritises special time and building traditions with both partners.

So What is a Polyamorous (Poly) Family?

Ultimately, it’s whatever you decide it is! As Sophie Beer’s adorable children’s book says: love makes a family. You get to define what that looks like for you.

I’ve said it many times: one of the most simultaneously glorious and frustrating things about polyamory is how few roadmaps we have. This means there are few scripts to follow and we’re often making it up as we go along. However, it also means tremendous freedom to structure our relationships, our commitments, and our families in the ways that work for us.

Further Reading (and Listening)

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[Toy Review] AcmeJoy Ramsdell Mouth Vibrator

Published on by Amy

I think I’ve said before that, the longer I do this work, the harder it gets to find anything I haven’t tried before. Sure, I can still get excited about a really good bullet vibrator or a suction toy that doesn’t suck, but it’s rare to come across a sex toy that makes me go “huh… I’ve never seen one of those before.” AcmeJoy’s Ramsdell mouth vibrator, which they recently sent me to test and review, elicited exactly that reaction.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator

I mean. Look at it! Of course I had to request this one when AcmeJoy invited me to review one of their products.

What is the AcmeJoy Ramsdell Mouth Vibrator?

The AcmeJoy Ramsdell – or to give it its full title, the Ramsdell 10 Biting Modes & 10 Vibrating Speeds Stimulate Nipple Clitoral Women Vibrator (no I’m not kidding) – is a handheld sex toy designed to look like a pair of lips with a tongue poking out.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator

The Ramsdell measures 4.65″ in total length, and the mouth is 2.1″ wide at the widest point. It is made of body-safe red silicone with a rose gold plastic accent panel for the buttons. (Confusingly, the product page claims it is silicone and then later says it is TPE! I think this is a mistake as – based on the look, feel, smell, and flame test results – it definitely appears to be silicone.)

The Ramsdell is IPX6 water-resistant, AKA splashproof. This makes for easy cleaning but does mean the toy can’t be fully submerged in water (you’d need IPX7 waterproof for that.) It is also rechargeable, with a two hour charge giving around an hour of runtime.

When it’s switched on, the Ramsdell makes what I can only describe as a biting motion, with the mouth moving up and down. I turned it on and immediately stuck my finger in there, and this thing has quite a bite to it! Fortunately, as you’ll see below, it doesn’t really “bite” your genitals when it’s actually in use. The tongue can also vibrate, if you like. I think the overall effect is supposed to simulate oral sex, which – as anyone who has read my numerous rants on the subject knows – isn’t really possible with the current toy technology we have available to us.

According to the site, it can stimulate my “A & G & U” all at the same time. I’m assuming that stands for anus, G-spot, and urethra, which is wildly untrue (there’s no way this thing is getting anywhere near the G-spot and it’s certainly not stimulating three different areas at the same time.) Companies, take note: it’s fine for a sex toy to just do one thing, if it does it well. You don’t have to claim otherwise, especially when it’s so demonstrably not true.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell Mouth Vibrator Review: What I Liked

When it comes to the aesthetic of this toy, I don’t really have strong feelings either way. I can imagine if you’re someone who is extremely into mouths or lips, a mouth vibrator could be kind of hot. I can also imagine it might squick you out if you find a disembodied mouth offputting! (I’ll say this for it, though, it’s a hell of a lot sexier than the awful disembodied tongue thing I once tried.)

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator

From my perspective? It’s fine. It doesn’t turn me on to look at it, and it kinda makes me giggle, but it doesn’t actively make me go “ew, no” either.

With that said, let’s start the review with the things I liked about the AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator.

  • Does it feel like cunnilingus? No it does not. But does it feel good? Amazingly, yes, it really does! With plenty of lube on both the toy and my body, the mouth’s up-and-down motion is shockingly pleasurable. Despite the description and my first impression, it does not (thankfully) feel like someone biting my clit! It’s more like someone rubbing it in a very consistent pattern.
  • I particularly like that this toy can stimulate the entire clitoral area, not just the tip of the glans.
  • It also feels pretty good on nipples, if you’re into that.
  • You can control the mouth movements and the tongue vibrations separately. Want one without the other, or to use different settings? No problem. There are 10 “biting” modes and 10 vibration modes to choose from and use in any combination.
  • The buttons are well-positioned and easy to press, and the controls simple to understand and use.
  • At $31.97 USD (about £26), it’s budget-friendly.

I was surprised at how good this toy felt and how close it got me to orgasm. It didn’t make me come on this occasion, but I think it’s entirely possible it could get me off in the future, if I was sufficiently turned on to start with.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator with Sliquid lube

Though my overall review of the AcmeJoy Ramsdell mouth vibrator is more positive than I expected, there are also a few things I didn’t like.

  • The noise. It’s not that it is particularly loud, just that the up-and-down mechanism kind of squeaks in a way that hurts my neurodivergent and sound-sensitive soul.
  • The vibrations are tremendously buzzy and not particularly strong. They’re kinda okay as an accompaniment to the mouth movements, but they start making my clit feel numb pretty fast if I use them for too long.
  • If I press it too hard against my body, the up-and-down motion stops working. This is something to be aware of if you’re someone who likes lots of pressure when you use toys.
  • I would have preferred the silicone on the lips to be slightly softer and squishier. It’s not bad as it is, but this would enhance comfort and pleasure during use.

AcmeJoy Ramsdell Review: Verdict

Significantly better than I expected!

I am somewhat surprised to say that as a concept for a toy, this works. I would like to see some changes made to improve it – notably, softening up the “lips” and making the motor in the tongue more powerful and rumbly. I’d happily pay more for a better version of this basic design. Overall, though? Not bad at all. It’s something new and different, and a creative twist on the enduringly popular “tongue toy” theme.

Get it from AcmeJoy.

Thanks to AcmeJoy for sponsoring this post and sending me this product to review! All views and experiences, as always, are mine.

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[Toy Review] Lovense Osci 3

Published on by Amy

Lovense Osci 3 review update/disclaimer 2025: Lovense has come under fire for significant security breaches in the last few months, including allegedly exposing users’ email addresses in the supposedly-anonymous app. Though the company claims to have fixed the problem, this is part of a pattern of worrying privacy concerns when it comes to app-controlled sex toys in general. Do with this information what you choose, but it has made me extremely hesitant about using toy apps personally. I have updated my Lovense reviews to include this information to allow you to make an informed choice.

Rabbit vibrators are hard to get right. As a general rule, when one lands in my review queue I have pretty low expectations. A rabbit vibe I enjoy is a rare find. A rabbit vibe that can actually make me come is even rarer. Still, I like to keep an open mind, so let’s get into my review of the Lovense Osci 3.

What is the Lovense Osci 3?

Lovense Osci 3 app-controlled rabbit vibrator

The Lovense Osci 3 is the latest in Lovense’s line of Osci toys. It measures 8.5″ in total length, around 5″ in insertable length, and 1.2″ in diameter at the widest point. The Osci 3 has three functions: an oscillating G-spot stimulator on the end of the internal arm, a flexible vibrating clitoral stimulator, and a warming function. The internal arm offers an impressive 4000-6000 oscillations per minute.

This toy is made of Lovense’s signature hot pink silicone. It is IPX7 waterproof, meaning it is fully submersible, and rechargeable. A full charge takes just 75 minutes and gives you up to 3 hours of battery life.

Like most Lovense products, the Osci 3 is app-controllable via the Lovense app. This gives you tonnes more options for ways to play, and also allows you to hand over control to a partner anywhere in the world.

Lovense Osci 3 Review: What I Liked

Lovense Osci 3 app-controlled rabbit vibrator

The Osci 3 is an impressively full-featured toy with a lot to recommend it. These are the main things I liked about it, and that you might appreciate too:

  • I love that the G-spot stimulator oscillates rather than vibrating. I’m really not a fan of internal vibrations, finding them far more uncomfortable than pleasurable. But the Osci 3’s rapid tapping motion is quite a different sensation. It’s also far more focused, stimulating the G-spot intensely without vibrating the entire vagina.
  • The flexible clitoral stimulator makes it relatively easy to try different positions and angles to find what works for your unique body.
  • The intense curve of the insertable shaft is fantastic for targeted G-spot pressure.
  • The two motors are independently controllable. This means you can use one without the other, use them together, and use them on two completely different settings – whatever you prefer, the experience is completely customisable.
  • The clitoral motor is strong and, even better, fairly rumbly.
  • Connecting with the Lovense app (free on Android and iOS) was easy and took seconds. You can use the “Remote” function to control each of the toy’s motors with the swipe of a finger, use the “My Patterns” function to use the various inbuilt settings or create your own, use the “Music” function to sync your toy to music stored on your device.
  • You can add more than one partner! This is great for those of us who are non-monogamous. Many sex toy apps still only allow you to have one partner connected at a time.
  • The “Control Link” function allows you to hand over control and chat anonymously without connecting or showing any personal data. I don’t really have much use for this function personally, but it’s one of the reasons Lovense toys are popular with online cam performers.
  • Through the app, you can also sync your toy with various types of online content and other adult apps, play games such as “Control Roulette”, turn on sound-activated mode, and much more. Use the “app gallery” and “discover” tabs to do this.
  • The heating function really changes how the toy feels, bringing it up to just above body temperature. It also works quickly, heating the toy in 1-1.5 minutes.
  • The quick charging time is a nice bonus, especially given the excellent battery life.
  • It’s not too loud.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Because no toy is perfect, I do also have a few gripes with the Osci 3.

Lovense Osci 3 buttons
Lovense Osci 3 G-spot stimulator

  • I actually might have liked one slower speed for the oscillating G-spot stimulator! I know this is an unusual thing for me to say, but even on the slowest speed it’s pretty fast and intense. If I’m not very well warmed up, this can be too much.
  • The silicone is extremely matte and “grabby.” You can overcome this with plenty of lube (water-based is best for silicone toys!). Even so, I would have preferred it to be softer and smoother.
  • I feel like I say this about virtually every toy I test, but dual-directional controls please! It’s really distracting and offputting having to scroll through every setting just to go back one.
  • Lovense toys generally really do require the app to get the most out of them. As someone who doesn’t really use sex toy apps except on very rare occasions, I do consider this a downside personally. I just want to switch my toy on and have access to all its features without needing to fuck around with my phone! Of course, your preferences may vary.

Lovense Osci 3: Verdict

The reality of the situation is that I just don’t really use rabbit vibrators very much. As rabbit vibes go, though, I think the Lovense Osci 3 is excellent. It’s objectively well-designed, with body-friendly flexibility and great motors.

Like many Lovense toys, it really comes into its own with the app. If you just want a rabbit vibrator you can enjoy without bothering with app controls, there are cheaper options on the market which are just as good. But if you want something you can use long-distance, or something with extensive app-based and online features, the Osci 3 is a worthwhile purchase.

Lovense Osci 3 prices start from £159/$139.99. It is available directly from Lovense as well as from retailers such as Shevibe, Good Vibes, Babeland, Sex Toys UK, Lovehoney UK and Lovehoney US.

Thanks to Lovense for sending me the Osci 3 to review! All writing and views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post and if you use them to buy this or any other Lovense product, I will make a small commission at no additional cost to you.

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5 Things to Consider Before You Buy a Sex Machine

Published on by Amy

Compared to the various other toy categories I review all the time, such as vibrators, dildos, and strokers, sex machines (AKA fucking machines) are a relatively niche corner of the sex toy market. This is partly due to cost; choosing to buy a sex machine can be a major financial investment, costing hundreds to thousands of dollars. They can also take up a lot of space.

Even so, based on reviews I’ve read, sex machines have an enduring fan base and seem to have grown in popularity and prevalence in recent years.

A sex machine is simply a machine designed to simulate sex with a partner, particularly penetrative vaginal or anal sex. You attach a toy – such as a dildo or masturbator – to the mechanism, and the machine then thrusts back and forth. Many machines have additional features such as an adjustable angle, adjustable speeds, remote control or app-control functionality, programmable settings, space to add an external vibrator such as a wand, and more. Ride-on designs are also popular.

Many people enjoy sex machines because you can enjoy them hands-free and because they can provide a more immersive, lifelike sensation compared to other types of toys.

So if you’re thinking about making the leap, what do you need to know before you buy a sex machine?

Space Concerns

Sex machines vary in size, but even the smaller ones are much bigger than your typical hand-held sex toy. Before you buy a sex machine, always make sure you have the space for the model you’re considering. This means making sure you have a safe and spacious place to set it up and use it, but also that you have somewhere to store it if you’re not going to have it set up permanently.

If you live in a small apartment, need to be discreet, or have limited storage space available, you might want to consider one of the small sex machine models on the market. Take measurements of your space, and triple check before you click the “buy” button. Don’t forget to think about practicalities such as easy access to a power socket to plug your machine into, too.

Budget

How much a sex machine costs varies enormously. The most basic models can cost under $100, while high end sex machines can run into thousands of dollars. Before you start shopping, decide what kind of budget you’re comfortable with. Before you buy one, consider the budget you’re comfortable allocating for a sex machine.

In general, cheaper machines will be more basic and have fewer features. However, they might still suit your needs just fine if you’re on a budget. If you’re looking for extras such as remote or app controls or greater levels of personalisation/adjustability, you can expect to pay more.

Don’t forget to account for dildos or other attachments, lube, positioning aids, travel or storage cases, or whatever other extras you might need as well as the machine itself.

Comfort and Positioning

Learning how to use a sex machine comfortably and pleasurably can take some practice. One thing you’ll need to figure out is the most comfortable and practical positions in which to use it.

Before you buy a sex machine, think about how you will actually use it in practice.

Many people find that it is easiest to use a sex machine while reclining on their back on a bed, or face down in a “doggy style” position. Others prefer to use another surface such as a couch or spanking bench to achieve the desired position. Positioning aids such as sex furniture, sex position wedges, and sex swings can also be a great option, as can add-ons for your machine designed to adjust its height or angle to suit you.

Another aspect of comfort in use is stroke length. This simply means how far back and forth the toy moves when the machine is switched on. A longer stroke length will give you deeper penetration, while a shorter stroke length will give you shallower penetration. Some machines offer adjustable stroke length, while others are fixed at one particular length.

Before You Buy a Sex Machine, Consider Toy Compatibility

Some sex machines come with a dildo (or several) included. Others don’t have toys included and you will need to buy these separately. Sex machine attachments don’t stop at standard dildos, either. You can also get fantasy toys, ejaculating or squirting dildos, anal toys, masturbation sleeves, and much more.

Your sex machine will be compatible with toys using a certain attachment type, and this can vary between manufacturers and machine models. This may mean you won’t be able to use your existing toys with your new sex machine, or you may need to buy an adaptor to enable you to do so. Always check before you buy a sex machine to make sure that your toys are compatible or that you can get toys that will work for you and fit your chosen machine.

Whatever toys you choose, make sure you opt for body-safe materials. 100% silicone is best! Reviews are a great tool in helping you to find the best toys to use with your sex machine.

Aesthetic

You might not care at all what your sex machine looks like. On the other hand, you might care a lot! Perhaps you want a machine that feels like “you”, or something that ties in with the decor of your bedroom, home dungeon, or other playspace. Before you buy a sex machine, consider whether aesthetics matter to you.

Sex machines are available in numerous different designs and colours. So whether you’re looking for sleek black or silver, hot pink, or something more unusual like red, gold or blue, there’s sure to be a machine that suits your preferred aesthetic.

Ready to Buy a Sex Machine?

Hismith, whose links are included within this post, sell sex machines of various sizes and designs, at a range of prices from $95 up to $1999. They also sell dildos, masturbators, anal toys, and various other attachments and accessories to go with their machines. Check out their extensive catalogue of products! It’s always a good idea to read sex machine reviews before you buy, too.

Thanks to Hismith for sponsoring this post! All views and writing, as always, are mine.

Header image for post about Nothosaur custom sex toys

Creating Your Dream Custom Sex Toys with Nothosaur

Published on by Amy

What does your perfect fantasy sex toy look like? You might have ideas about the shape and design, size, softness or firmness, colour, and more. Nothosaur, who have already featured on the site several times previously, offer custom sex toys with various options across their fantasy range, helping you to craft the perfect dildo or other toy for your desires.

For something a bit different today, they have invited me to check out and review their customisation process.

Why Choose Custom Sex Toys?

Custom sex toys are generally more expensive than their off-the-shelf counterparts, so why would you choose a custom toy? In short, because this way you can get exactly what you want from a product.

How many times have I written a review in which I say “this toy would be perfect if only…” [“…it were shorter/girthier/softer/firmer/more flexible/etc.”]? I imagine you’ve thought the same about toys in the past. A custom toy allows you to have complete control over all those factors.

Some people enjoy having a toy that is one-of-a-kind, knowing that no-one else has one quite like it. This can be particularly true for people who view a toy as a kind of extension of their body; for example, if you’re someone who has strap-on sex, your dildo might essentially become your penis while you’re using it. It follows that you’d want to get something that really feels like you.

A custom sex toy can also make an amazing gift for a partner or lover. If you know the person and their preferences well enough, you can get something perfectly crafted just for them. Alternatively, why not spend a fun and sexy date night designing and ordering your perfect toy together?

Custom Sex Toys with Nothosaur

Creating a custom dildo, butt plug, grinder, or other toy with Nothosaur is easy. You just need to go through four simple steps, which we’ll look at in detail in this section.

Choosing a Base For Your Custom Sex Toy

The first step is to choose your base product, which you can then customise. Nothosaur’s extensive range includes tentacle dildos, ejaculating dildos, ovipositors, dragon dildos and other fantasy creature designs, and much more.

You might already have a clear idea of what you’re after for your custom sex toy, or you might not be sure. Pay attention to things like overall shape, texturing, and any additional features that are important to you (such as a large base, harness compatibility, or an ejaculation tube.) Aesthetics matter, too, but ignore colours for now because we’re going to customise those later in this process! Instead, think about what overall look or vibe speaks to you.

Though I’m not an Astrology Queer, my personal faves right now are the Zodiac collection just for how pretty and unusual they are.

Choosing Your Size

Once you’ve selected your base toy, it’s time to choose your size. Most Nothosaur toys come in a range of sizes, with anything from two to six options to pick from.

One unfortunate but pervasive belief about sex toys (like penises) is that bigger automatically equals better. This just isn’t true. Now perhaps giant toys are your thing! In which case, go nuts and pick the biggest size available. On the other hand, you might find very large insertables uncomfortable, painful, or just plain impractical to use. If so, choose a smaller product.

All Nothosaur toys have exact measurements for all sizes listed in the image gallery on the product pages. I highly recommend getting out a tape measure or ruler and checking the sizes before you make your selection so that you don’t end up with something far larger or far smaller than you expected.

Example of Nothosaur custom sex toys sizing breakdown
Example taken from toy “Graemen“

Pro tip: pay at least as much attention to girth as to length when you’re choosing an insertable toy. If a toy is too long for you, you can just use part of the shaft. If it’s too wide, though, you might not be able to use it at all.

Choosing Your Firmness Level

Next, you need to choose the firmness level of your custom sex toy. Not all Nothosaur toys have customisable firmness (ovipositors don’t, for example, as they are hollow) but the majority do. Most are available in soft, medium or firm, while some are available only in medium or firm. Nothosaur ships medium firmness toys by default, unless you choose a different option.

Ultimately, the firmness you choose is a matter of preference. Do you like your toys soft and squishy, or firm and rigid? Softer toys will generally be easier to use and insert than firmer toys, so can be a good choice for beginners. Smaller toys generally feel softer than larger ones, and those that are very girthy will also feel harder. For toys that stand up on their own, choosing medium or firm will give them a more stable base.

Nothosaur recommends soft or medium firmness if you’re wanting to do depth training with your toy for safety reasons.

Choosing Your Custom Colourway for Your Sex Toy

Now we get to the really fun part: making your custom sex toy look pretty!

Each Nothosaur toy has a default suggested colourway (or several), which you can choose. There are also an array of pre-set colour schemes available across many products. Personally I think “fairy” is probably the prettiest.

None of them quite calling to you? Then you can select “custom mode” and transform your toy to look exactly the way you want it to. You have seven types of custom colourways to choose from:

  • Solid: a single colour
  • Covered: an effect with one colour layered over another
  • Fade 2 colour: the top colour fades gradually into the bottom colour
  • Marble 2 colour: 2 colours swirled together
  • Marble 3 colour: 3 colours swirled together
  • Split 2 colour: the top is one colour, the base another
  • Split 3 colour: the top, middle, and base are each a different colour

There are 56 colours to choose from in total. Depending on the style you choose, you’ll then be prompted to select one, two, or three colours.

Nothosaur custom sex toys colour selection example
Example colour selection for “Fade 2 colour” style

Some very quick phone maths tells me that with these seven colourway options and 56 colours, that gives you over 18,000 possible combinations for your custom sex toy. And that’s without including Nothosaur’s suggested colourways or any of the other customisation options. In other words, your toy is sure to be unlike anyone else’s.

You can read more about the custom colour process and check out the colour guide to get inspired.

Adding Extras to Your Custom Sex Toy

Some Nothosaur toys (and some sizes) have additional customisation options available. For example, many of the products allow you to add a vac-u-lock hole and/or adaptor so that you can use your custom toy with a sex machine. Alternatively, you can stick with the default suction cup base, which allows you to affix your toy to any firm flat surface.

Finally, you can add any extras to your purchase, such as a bottle of lube or a drawstring storage bag for your toy.

And you’re done! It’s time to check out and wait for your custom toy to arrive. Make sure you triple-check everything before you pay, as custom orders are final and non-refundable once production of your toy has started.

How easy was that?

Thanks to Nothosaur for sponsoring this post. All views, as always, are mine. I’ll be back in January with a review of a custom toy I’ve designed using this process!

Tracy's Dog Swirlii rotating vibrator review header image

[Toy Review] Tracy’s Dog Swirlii Rotating Vibrator

Published on by Amy

It’s time for a review of another Tracy’s Dog toy: the Swirlii rotating vibrator.

Tracy’s Dog Swirlii

Tracy's Dog Swirlii rotating vibrator

The Tracy’s Dog Swirlii is a wearable rotating vibrator designed to be worn inside your underwear for hands-free pleasure. It features a main insertable shaft which sits inside the vagina and rotates in a circle, a flexible small appendage that vibrates, and an external part with a raised bump that stimulates the clit. This external arm also helps to anchor the toy in place. At first, I wasn’t sure what the little flexible appendage was for or where to put it. Eventually I realised that it is meant to go inside along with the main inserable arm.

The Swirlii comes with a remote control as well as a drawstring storage bag. It is USB rechargeable with the included magnetic charging cable, and IPX7 waterproof (i.e. completely submersible.)

The Tracy’s Dog Swirlii measures around 4.5″ in length and 5″ in height. Its insertable portion measures 3.5″ in length and around 1.4″ in diameter at the widest point. It is made of body-safe lilac silicone.

What I Liked About the Tracy’s Dog Swirlii

Tracy's Dog Swirlii rotating vibrator

The Tracy’s Dog Swirlii rotating vibrator is such an unusual design, and I was curious to try it out. First let’s look at all the things about it that I liked.

  • It came attractively packaged in a smart and sturdy box, and the inclusion of a storage bag is a nice touch.
  • The colour is really pretty! I love lilac and it’s a more unusual colour for a sex toy than a brighter or darker purple.
  • The silicone is soft and smooth.
  • The flexibility of the external arm means that you can position it in a few different ways depending on what works for your body.
  • At first glance, I was really confused about the shape of the Tracy’s Dog Swirlii’s insertable shaft. I couldn’t work out why it’s almost scoop-shaped rather than just rounded. Eventually I realised it’s so that it kind of hugs the vibrating appendage (sorry, I can’t think of a better term for it!) against the front wall of the vagina – i.e. where the G-spot is for most bodies – when it’s in use. This initially baffling design is actually pretty clever!
Tracy's Dog Swirlii remote

  • I love the rotating motion! As someone who doesn’t really enjoy internal vibrations, this is such a fabulous change.
  • The user interface is simple, with a single button on the toy itself and then two buttons on the remote control. Learning how to use it is a breeze.
  • Sound-wise, it’s fairly quiet. I’m not sure it’s quiet enough to wear in public (unless you’re in a very noisy space like a nightclub) but the inevitable whirring noise you get with rotating toys isn’t anywhere near as bad as many I’ve tried.
  • On the higher levels, the vibrations are pretty powerful.
  • The remote’s responsiveness is good and works up to 10m away.
  • Using the remote control, you can choose to use the Tracy’s Dog Swirlii’s vibrations and the rotation together or separately. You can also scroll through the settings – 10 vibration modes and 3 rotation modes – of each motor completely independently of the other.
  • When worn with underwear, it stays in place pretty well, allowing for hands-free use.
  • At £48.15, its price point is pretty reasonable.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Tracy's Dog Swirlii rotating vibrator

There were also a few things about the Tracy’s Dog Swirlii that didn’t work so well for me.

  • Inserting two different pieces inside me can be tricky and uncomfortable unless I get the angle exactly right. It also makes the actual insertable diameter wider than will be comfortable for some users. A lot of lubrication is essential with this one. A couple of sachets of lube were included, but I won’t use them because they contain ingredients such as glycerin, propylene glycol, and disodium EDTA.
  • The vibrations are very buzzy. The result is that they make my clit feel numb and tingly long before I get close to coming.
  • I would have preferred dual-directional controls, preferably on the toy itself but at least on the remote control.

This might be petty, and admittedly isn’t a gripe with the toy itself, but this bit of Tracy’s Dog’s marketing copy also really bugs me: “Put on your sexiest lingerie, grab Swirlii and put it right into your panties. Call up your partner and hand him a remote.” Why are we assuming my partner is a “him”? I literally work in this industry and I still find this kind of assumed heteronormativity so so offputting and alienating.

Verdict

There were a lot of things about the Tracy’s Dog Swirlii that I liked. Overall, though, I unfortunately have to conclude it’s not one for me due to the diameter of the insertable portions and the buzziness of the vibrations. I still think it’s a well-designed product and will work very well for many people, especially those who are comfortable with wider insertables and who enjoy strong but buzzy vibrations.

I’m glad it exists, but I think I’ll likely be passing it along for someone else to enjoy.

The Swirlii retails for £48.15 at full price. Get it direct from Tracy’s Dog and don’t forget: “coffee10” at checkout for 10% off.

Thanks to Tracy’s Dog for sponsoring this review and sending me the Swirlii rotating vibrator to test. All views are, as always, my own.

Juliet Toys Vortex long butt plug/large anal beads review header

[Toy Review] Juliet Toys Vortex Large Anal Beads

Published on by Amy

Regular readers of my work may have noticed a new site sponsor in the right hand sidebar. Juliet Toys is a large retailer selling hundreds of products across dozens of categories, from classic vibrators and dildos to fantasy toys, BDSM gear, anal toys, and much more. I’m thrilled to have them on board as a C&K sponsor. They also invited me to review for them, and I received their Vortex Extra Large Anal Beads to try out.

What is the Juliet Toys Vortex?

Vortex large anal beads by Juliet Toys

The Vortex by Juliet Toys is a kind of combination between extra large anal beads and a long butt plug. It’s available in three sizes: small, medium, or large. I received the small, which measures 9.5″ in total length. Due to the nature of the toy, that’s basically all insertable length except for maybe a quarter inch of base. The three beads measure (in ascending order from smallest to largest) 1.4″, 1.6″, and 1.7″ in diameter.

Now, this is more than big enough for me. There is, frankly, no universe in which I would consider 9.5″ of insertable length to be “small.” My butt isn’t that brave, and super huge anal toys have never really been my thing. But they might be yours! If so, you might like the medium (which has a total length of 11.4″ and a widest bead diameter of 2.3″) or the large (total length of 13.2″, widest bead diameter of 2.7″.)

Yes, whichever way you look at it, this is a large toy.

Vortex large anal beads by Juliet Toys

The Vortex is made of 100% body-safe silicone. It begins in a narrow spiral shaft down from a tapered tip, then the lower portion is made up of the three “beads.” It ends in a flared base, which is an absolutely essential safety component for an anal toy. This base is also a suction cup.

This toy has no motor, so it’s easy to clean (the boiling method is what I recommend) and fine to use in the bath or shower, if you like.

What I Liked About the Vortex Extra Large Anal Beads

Once I got over my initial reaction to the Vortex extra large anal beads (“good lord this thing is enormous!”), I found that there are a lot of things I like about it. Namely:

  • It’s a really pretty colour! Specifically, an attractive burnt orange-gold shade. This is an unusual colour for sex toys and also kind of shimmers. I’m here for it. I really believe aesthetics matter for sex toys, so going that extra step to make something pretty will always impress me.
  • The silicone is fairly soft and really squishy.
  • I think, for people who enjoy challenging anal toys, this is an excellent design. It starts off relatively gently with the small head and the slim spiral tip, allowing you to get used to having something inside you before attempting the larger size of the beads.
  • Due to the slowly increasing size as you move further down the toy, it’s ideal for people who want to play with anal training or anal stretching. Going slowly is really key here, not just to ensure you have a good time but also to keep things safe.
Vortex large anal beads by Juliet Toys

  • It’s entirely possible to use just a part of the Vortex extra large anal beads, if you prefer. It lends itself well to exploring slowly, finding out what you like. Even if you end up deciding that super deep penetration or very girthy toys aren’t for you, the top portion of the toy is still entirely usable.
  • It’s very, very flexible. I can imagine this might be a downside for some users, but it will be a plus for many more including me. When it comes to larger toys, flexibility can help with insertion and comfort. It also allows for more flexibility in positioning. And, if you’re trying to target a particular spot (such as the prostate, if you have one), the flexibility can make that easier.
  • If you have a vagina, you can also use the Vortex as a vaginal toy. It’s great for G-spots for exactly the same reasons it’s great for prostates. And, if you prefer a slower warm-up or a slimmer toy for vaginal penetration, this is perfect for that. Remember: a toy that has been inside a butt should never go inside a vagina without first being sterilised. At an absolute minimum, put a condom over it.
  • The suction cup is seriously strong and stays in position well on any flat, firm surface.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

On a personal level, I think this toy is just too big for me to realistically use it as an anal toy with any kind of regularity. When I use butt toys at all, which really isn’t that often, I usually stick to smaller ones. But that’s purely a matter of my body’s preferences and I can’t find any significant criticisms of the Vortex as a product in general.

Juliet Toys Vortex Extra Large Anal Beads: Verdict

The Vortex is an excellent toy for its target audience: people who enjoy (or want to experiment with) long anal toys, extra large anal beads, or other kinds of large anal insertables. And, if you try it and find that’s not for you, there are also numerous other ways to enjoy it.

The Vortex is well-designed, well-made, body-safe, and versatile. What more could you want from a toy?

Please remember that if you’re doing any kind of anal play, adequate lubrication is essential. Always use more than you think you need, and reapply it regularly. For a silicone toy, I recommend a good water-based lube.

The Vortex extra large anal beads set retails for $39.90 for the small size, $49.90 for the medium size, and $59.90 for the large size. All in all I’d say it’s very good value for the size and quality of product.

Thanks to Juliet Toys for sponsoring this review and sponsoring the site! Affiliate links appear in this post and I will make an additional small commission if you use them. All views, as always, are mine.

Nothosaur Zodiac sex toys write-up header image

Introducing Nothosaur’s Zodiac Sex Toys Range

Published on by Amy

Despite its immense popularity in many queer circles, I’m really not much of an astrology person. I don’t read my horoscope. I think the ways in which the traits attributed to my sign relate to me are broadly coincidental. Even so, lots of people are super into astrology and I think it can be fun and harmless as long as you don’t take it too seriously or rely on it exclusively as a way to make important decisions.But what about picking a sex toy based on your sign? Nothosaur has recently intrduced a range of Zodiac-inspired sex toys to their range.

Nothosaur Zodiac Sex Toys

Even for a cynic like me, these toys are absolutely gorgeous. Each zodiac sex toy is based around a mythical character or some aspect of this mythological fantasy world Nothosaur has created, with traits corresponding to the relevant sign.

Products are available for 10 of the 12 signs. So you’re stuck on what toy to pick, why not let the stars guide you? There are currently no products in the range for Sagittarius or Gemini. Hopefully these will be added in due course!

All the sex toys in the Zodiac range, like all Nothosaur toys, are made of premium quality body-safe silicone. Most are available in a range of sizes, customizable firmness levels, and colourways.

Let’s have a look at each of them in turn.

♈ Nothosaur Toys Aries (Ram): March 21–April 19

Aries Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

According to believers, people born under Aries tend to be confident, passionate, energetic, and loyal. They are natural leaders but can also be impulsive and hot-headed.

Nothosaur’s Aries toy is described as a sincere and honest shepherd who is also hot and full of passion. His penis is like a sculpture, based around the ♈ Aries symbol turned upside down. Wider at the bottom, the Aries dildo is richly textured with curves and swirls based on Aries’ horns, rising to a bulbous head at the top.

♉ Nothosaur Toys Taurus (Bull): April 20–May 20)

Taurus Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

Tauruses are thought to be stable, dependable, and mature as well as highly sensual. However, they can also be jealous and materialistic.

Nothosaur’s Taurus toy is described as “a sexual gladiator who flaunts his lust in the Colosseum”, proud yet also charming. The Taurus dildo features a bulging shaft that widens to a broad head adorned with several ring piercings. In the recommended gold shade, and with the coins around the base, it suggests wealth, success, and status.

♋ Nothosaur Toys Cancer (Crab): June 22–July 22

Cancer Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

The sign of Cancer is associated with emotionality, nurturance, creativity, and sensitivity. Cancers are thought to be romantics, highly loyal but also prone to rapid changes in mood.

Nothosaur’s Craboo toy, based on the sign of Cancer, is a “loyal and rambunctious sea prodigal” known for its sincerity and loyalty. The two-pronged Craboo toy, with one fixed and one flexible arm, represent the claws of a crab and offer unparalleled dual insertable stimulation. Ideal for those looking for a combined vaginal/anal toy.

♌ Leo (Lion): July 23–August 22

Leo Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

Leo, or the lion constellation, is associated with traits such as confidence, generosity, enjoying the limelight, and a fiercely protective streak towards loved ones.

Nothosaur’s Leo toy is a hunter who seeks out not food, but sex. Long and flexible, the Leo toy is based on this creature’s tongue. Adorned with bumps and lifelife vein detailing, this one-size toy is long but relatively slender, perfect for those who prefer girth over length and prefer some flex to their insertable toys.

♍ Virgo (Virgin): August 23–September 22

Virgo Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur
Virgo Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur
Virgo Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

Astrology believers describe Virgos as perfectionist, detail-oriented, and analytical. Described as helpful and modest, Virgos are also thought to have tendencies towards being overly critical, stubborn, and uptight.

Nothosaur’s Virgo range includes three toys. The Virgo dildo is inspired by Persephone, the goddess of youth, and consists of several pairs of overlapping folded angel wings. Virgo’s Throne is a masturbator that wraps the user’s penis in these folds, while Virgo’s Gaze is a clitoral grinder based on their texture.

♎ Libra (Balance): September 23–October 23

Libra Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

The sign of Libra is all about balance, fairness, and harmony. Libras are describes as fair-minded, diplomatic, and natural peacemakers, though they can also be indecisive and hesitant.

Nothosaur’s Libra toy is a catlike creature, handsome but prone to overthinking. The Libra dildo, like the sign it is based on, is all about balance. Girthy towards the centre then slimmer towards the top, it is also heavily textured on one side and smoother on the other. It has a slight curve and some flexibility. Perfect for those who want the best of all words.

♏ Scorpio (Scorpion): October 24–November 21

Scorpio Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

Scorpios are described as passionate people who feel their feelings intensely. Resourceful, brave, and independent are some of the positive words associated with them. The negatives include jealousy, stubbornness, and a tendency to keep secrets.

Nothosaur’s Scorpio toy is a secretive and passionate man who wants to be loved but isn’t afraid to use his stinger to defend himself if necessary. The curving shaft of the Scorpio dildo, based on this stinging tail, features a hard exterior adorned with a unique bumpy texture. The four protruding “muscles” add a little extra friction during use.

♑ Capricorn (Goat): December 22–January 19

Capricorn Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

Some describe Capricorns as hard-working, ambitious, and practical. They are known for being honest, sensitive, and committed, but also pessimistic and proud.

Nothosaur’s Capricorn toy is a creature with the head of a gazelle, and a body resembling a fish. Seductive and sexual, he is also a symbol of creativity, music and poetry. The Capricorn dildo is based on a horn, descending down to a fishtail with scale detailing towards the base. The small hooked tip make insertion easy, while the gentle knot in the centre provides a light feeling of pleasurable stretching.

♒ Aquarius (Water Bearer): January 20–February 18

Aquarius Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

The ultimate water sign, Aquarians are thought to be clever, analytical, innovative, and honest. They are also said to be progressive, and to trend towards a rebellious nature.

The Aquarius toy is based on the waters surrounding Nothosaur’s fantasy world where its mythical creatures live. Like the water sign it is based on, the silicone of the Aquarius dildo seems to flow, giving an almost liquid appearance. The bumps along the shaft mimic rising waves, and the top of the fountain spills over with stimulating ripples.

♓ Pisces (Fish): February 19–March 20

Pisces Zodiac sex toy from Nothosaur

Last but not least in Nothosaur’s Zodiac sex toys line-up, we have Pisces. Pisces are described as passionate, intuitive, and creative, fast to forgive and quick at making friends. Their negative traits are said to include being moody, closed off, and indecisive.

The Pisces dildo is inspired by Aphrodite, the goddess of sexuality, and with a texture based on rippling ocean waves. With its thick shaft, scales, and protruding seaweed finger, the Pisces offers numerous different sensations to explore.

Nothosaur Zodiac sex toys

Thanks to Nothosaur Toys for sponsoring this post! You can buy all toys in the Zodiac range using my affiliate links in this post. All product images are by Nothosaur.

Funzze 3-in-1 triple stimulator clitoral and vaginal stimulation toy review header

[Toy Reviews] Funzze 3-in-1 Sucking & Flapping Thrusting Triple Stimulator

Published on by Amy

Toys that try to have multiple functions are a mixed bag, and today I’m trying another one! This time we’re looking at Funzze’s 3-in-1 triple stimulator, a vibrator/sucker/thruster toy for both penetrative and clitoral stimulation.

What is the Funzze 3-in-1 Triple Stimulator Vibrator?

The Funzze 3-in-1 Sucking & Flapping Thrusting Vibrator (hereafter the Funzze 3-in-1 for the sake of brevity) is a triple stimulator that offers three different ways to use it. Its head end features a clitoral suction stimulator on one side and, on the reverse side, this same motor allows the flat surface to make a “tapping” motion. At the other end, the toy’s handle is also an insertable dildo with a thrusting mechanism.

Funzze triple stimulator official product picture to show clitoral suction and tapping motions
Image: Funzze

The Funzze 3-in-1 Triple Stimulator is made of body-safe silicone and available in either purple or green. It is IPX-6 waterproof (suitable for use in the shower and for cleaning under the tap, but not fully submersible) and USB rechargeable. It measures around 7.5″ in total length, 3.5″ in insertable length.

Funzze triple stimulator 3-in-1 vibrator shown in purple and green
Image: Funzze

What I Liked About the Funzze 3-in-1

There’s a common problem with sex toys that try to do too many different things: they do none of them particularly well. Happily, this isn’t the case with the Funzze 3-in-1. Let’s talk about the things I liked about this triple stimulator.

  • The clitoral suction part performs well. It is moderately intense on the lowest setting and very intense on the higher ones. One thing to be aware of is that the nozzle is on the smaller side, so if you have a larger clit that might be something to be aware of. But if you enjoy serious focused clitoral stimulation, this toy will likely work well for you.
  • The tapping function is genuinely excellent. The stimulation it provides offers the depth and intensity of very rumbly vibrations. Even the lowest speed feels surprisingly intense, particularly for a toy at this price-point.
  • The construction of Funzze Triple Stimulator toy feels sturdy. I can press it firmly against my body and get plenty of pressure without feeling like I’m going to damage it.
  • I kind of like that the suction and tapping functions operate off the same motor. This means you can switch between the two in a second, just by turning it around.
Funzze triple stimulator 3-in-1 vibrator in purple with buttons illuminated in blue

  • The two motors—suction/tapping and thrusting—are controllable separately. They can also be used together, though I can’t think of any reason you’d want to that doesn’t defy the laws of physics!
  • The controls are simple and intuitive, and the buttons are easy to press.
  • The thrusting part has quite a short “length”—only maybe an inch or two of thrust. This won’t work for everyone, of course, but for those who (like me) enjoy penetration but often find deep thrusting more painful than pleasurable, it’s a great choice.
  • With 10 thrusting speeds and 10 sucking/tapping intensity levels, the Funzze Triple Stimulator is a truly customisable experience with numerous options for different users and different preferences.
  • It comes with a storage bag included.
  • The retail price of $42.99 (that’s around £34) is exceptional value for the quality.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

There’s one main thing I don’t like about the Funzze 3-in-1 triple stimulator: the noise. Whichever way you’re using it, this thing is loud. Both the loud buzz of the head end and the back-and-forth squeak of the thruster are really offputting and grating to me. Which is a shame in a product that I otherwise liked so much.

Funzze triple stimulator 3-in-1 vibrator

My other criticism is the lack of dual-directional controls. Whichever of the Funzze Triple Stimulator toy’s three functions I’m using, it would be nice to be able to scroll through the speeds in either direction.

Funzze 3-in-1 Triple Stimulator: Verdict

Overall, the Funzze 3-in-1 is a much better product than many of the “multiple things in one” options on the market. The clitoral suction stimulator does its job well, and the thrusting function is gentle enough that I can actually use it. It’s that glorious tapping function, though, that really elevates this one for me.

A surprising winner. Good job, Funzze!

The Funzze 3-in-1 triple stimulation toy retails for $42.99.

Thanks to Funzze for sponsoring this review of their triple stimulation toy! This means they paid me to test the toy and write an honest account of my experience. All views, as always, are mine.