Tag: clitoral toys

We-Vibe Chorus review header image featuring the toy, remote, and a smartphone

[Toy Review] We-Vibe Chorus

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Update 2026: a new version of this classic toy for couples, the We-Vibe Chorus Pro, is now out! I have left this We-Vibe Chorus review up because this older version is still available from some retailers.

There are a number of buzzwords and phrases, frequently used to describe sex toys, of which I am highly sceptical. One of these is “for couples”. Another is “hands free”. The We-Vibe Chorus claims to be both of these things. However, my experiences with We-Vibe over the years have been almost universally positive, so with my hopeful-but-ready-to-be-disappointed face firmly in place, I set out to test the new We-Vibe Chorus for you all.

What is the We-Vibe Chorus Vibrator for Couples?

Official product image for We-Vibe Chorus vibrator for couples review

The We-Vibe Chorus is a wearable vibrator with two arms: one that sits inside the vagina, and another that rests against the clitoris. The idea is that it provides extra clitoral stimulation for the wearer during penetrative sex.

Inside you’ll find the toy and remote, a charging cable, and a dock that functions as both travel case and charging station. The Chorus is IPX7 waterproof (i.e. submersible) and USB rechargeable, with a full charge giving around 90 minutes of runtime.

The We-Vibe Chorus is made of soft and squishy matte silicone and comes in three colours. Mine is “Cosmic Pink.” It has a sort of shiny-sparkly effect that’s really pretty.

We-Vibe Chorus Review: What’s New?

The Chorus is the latest iteration of We-Vibe’s signature “wearable” vibrators designed for (primarily cishetero) couples. But how is this one different?

The We-Vibe Chorus and remote

The most obvious upgrade, when we compare the Chorus to the Sync (its most recent predecessor,) is the introduction of the squeeze remote. The tighter you squeeze the remote, the more intense the vibration gets. You can turn squeeze control off with the small button at the top of your remote if you don’t like it.

There’s also new touch-sense tech, which responds to your movements against the sensor and changes the intensity of the vibrations to match depending on which setting you’ve selected. You can turn touch-sense off through the We-Connect app, if you want to. Overall, I found this function’s responsiveness too unpredictable to be pleasurable, and quickly turned it off.

Another significant upgrade to this model is that it is adjustable in two places. Not only can you adjust the distance between the two arms, you can also alter the angle of the internal arm for a more comfortable and stimulating fit. Bodies come in a wide range of shapes and sizes, and one size will never fit all. I find getting poked in the vaginal walls off-putting and the opposite of erotic (weird, I know!) so being able to adjust the Chorus to actually sit comfortably in my body was a game-changer.

Finally, the Chorus is the first We-Vibe product to use a mix of AnkorLink and Bluetooth technology to connect it to the We-Connect app. The difference here was extremely noticeable when I compared the Chorus to earlier We-Vibe products I’ve reviewed. The connection was much more stable and the responses much more consistent.

In conclusion, the Chorus might superficially resemble We-Vibe’s previous offerings, but you get so much more bang for your buck.

In Use for Couples (and Solo Players)

I’ve said before that I find the marketing of “toys for couples” annoying. A toy for a couple is literally anything you use with a partner! Also, that particular phrase generally means “toys you wear during penis-in-vagina intercourse,” which betrays such a narrow understanding of 1) what a couple is and 2) what sex is.

That notwithstanding, the We-Vibe Chorus is a good option if you’re a couple looking for a toy to wear during penetrative sex. The slender and adjustable internal arm makes for a comfortable fit for all different kinds of vulvas and the external arm provides powerful clitoral stimulation (which 70-90% of vulva-owners need to reach orgasm) through a strong and rumbly motor.

It’s not truly hands-free, though, as it does slip around if you’re doing some particularly vigorous thrusting. However I adjusted it, I could not get it to stay firmly in place. Every time I moved more than a little, it would shift and move away from my clit. I ended up using one hand to hold it in place and the other hand to operate the remote.

Worth noting: the lovely Phallophile Reviews suggests that wearing tight knickers (such as Spanx) helps the We-Vibe Chorus stay in place if you want a truly hands-free experience. So that’s something to try!

Do You Need to Use the App to Enjoy this Toy?

Not really!

I tested the app to write this We-Vibe Chorus review but I haven’t used it since (and I have absolutely used the toy since.)

The We-Vibe app is a nice extra, and adds some bonus options such as handing over control to a partner from anywhere in the world, creating your own vibration patterns, and video calling or text chatting. However, you don’t need it and the remote control is more than adequate for controlling the toy if using an app doesn’t sound fun or sexy to you.

We-Vibe Chorus Review: Verdict

Overall, I’m seriously impressed with the Chorus! Despite the hands-free issues, it has a great motor and comes with numerous additional features.

The We-Vibe Chorus is available from Shevibe and directly from We-Vibe (North America or Europe.)

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review! All opinions are my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for Zumio S review

[Toy Review] Zumio S

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Those of you who have been reading my work for some time may recall my Zumio X review from last year. I had extremely high hopes for it as it was touted as The Ultimate Clitoral Toy. Unfortunately, I loved it much less than I hoped and expected to, and ultimately it’s been gathering dust in my toy chest for the last year. However, when Zumio approached me to review their new S model, I was intrigued enough to give it a go.

Zumio S: Details

The Zumio S follows broadly the same model as the Zumio X. It features the trademarked SpiroTIP, a very small head which works not by vibrating, but by spinning very fast in tiny circles. Designed for those who are more sensitive or didn’t enjoy the intensity of the original model, the Zumio S has a silicone-coated tip to dial down the intensity of the original’s hard plastic.

The Zumio S is a rechargeable toy and comes with a little charging cup and USB cable. The full charging time is a frankly ludicrous sixteen hours. The battery life from a full charge is around 4 hours, depending on intensity of use.

This toy is waterproof up to a depth of 0.5 metres. It also features a travel lock and comes with a cap to protect the fragile tip when not in use. It’s a lighter shade of purple than the Zumio X. The overall aesthetic can best be described as a slightly futuristic electric toothbrush.

Pro tip: hold it like a pencil, not like a vibrator.

Zumio S Review: Pros

Let’s begin by saying that my Zumio S hasn’t left my nightstand since I first tested it. After my lacklustre experience with the Zumio X, I really, really like this iteration. The slightly wider and softer silicone-tip solves the “so intense it’s painful” problem, leaving just the glorious kind of pleasurable intensity. This toy can get me off in a couple of minutes if I’m in a hurry.

The Zumio S features 8 levels of intensity and no patterns. It has a simple 3-button interface, with a small on/off button and the up/down power buttons (yes, dual-directional controls!) set in a figure-8 shape just above. The buttons have raised edges, making them easy to feel for without needing to pause to look for them.

For the benefit of fans of the Zumio X, the S is definitely a gentler toy. But “gentler” is also relative and this toy still packs a serious punch. It just doesn’t make me feel like I’m being prodded in the clit with a hard plastic finger, which I can only describe as a positive.

Zumio S Review: Cons

Apart from that ridiculous sixteen hour charging time, I have few negative things to say about the Zumio S.

Though the controls are pretty intuitive, I did find the buttons a little fiddly and not always as responsive as they could be. I sometimes had to press them more than once before the setting changed, which was annoying.

Verdict

If you are a fan of intense and focused clitoral stimulation, get yourself one of these! If, like me, you tried the original Zumio X and found the tip too small or too hard, this new iteration might just surprise you. A couple of small annoyances notwithstanding, Zumio have absolutely knocked it out of the park with this one.

The Zumio S retails for $109.99 and is available from Babeland, Good Vibes, and Sex Toys UK.

Thank you to Zumio for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. As ever, all views are my own. Images are property of Zumio. Affiliate links are contained within this post.

Header image for Womanizer Starlet review

[Toy Review] Womanizer Starlet 2

Published on by Amy2 Comments

I recently addressed the question of whether or not I think all suction-based clitoral stimulators are basically variations on the same theme. The conclusion I came to was “kind of but also no.” The sensation provided by these toys is somewhat similar across models and even across brands, but unique design features can really make or break specific products. This week, I received the Womanizer Starlet 2 to review.

Starlet 2: Details

After the high-end presentation, premium features, and eyewatering price tags that defined products like the Womanizer Premium and Duo, the Starlet 2 is a simpler product. More aimed at the everyday consumer, it retails for £69.99/$79.

The Womanizer Starlet is a petite toy, measuring 5″ in total length and with very little weight to it. I have small hands and still would have preferred the body of the toy to be slightly longer for ease of use, so bear that in mind if you’re a person with big hands. However, for those who find holding larger or heavier toys difficult, the compact nature of this model could be an advantage for you.

The Womanizer Starlet 2 sex toy in coral resting on a white sheet

The Womanizer Starlet 2 is made of hard ABS plastic with a silicone nozzle. It is USB rechargeable and fully waterproof. It comes in two colours: a pinkish-orange called “coral”, and a deep blue.

What I Liked About This Toy

I’m casting around for good things to say about this product, because my overall impression of it (spoiler alert) was “meh.”

There are only four settings, but for most people that’s probably enough. For contrast, the Womanizer Classic and its variations have 8-10 speeds, and the Premium has a massive 12. They allow for a steady increase in intensity. I also very much appreciate that there are dual directional, up-and-down speed controls. The buttons are sensibly located and easy to press, though I wish the minus button was a little bigger.

The silicone nozzle is removable, which makes the toy easy to clean.

Womanizer Starlet 2 Review: What I Disliked

Unfortunately, things started to go downhill for me pretty fast when I began testing the Womanizer Starlet 2.

Due to the shape and how little the nozzle prodrudes from the body of the toy, I found it almost impossible to get the right angle or a good seal against my clit. I tried holding the toy in multiple different ways, but all of them either left a significant gap between part of the nozzle and my body or required contorting my hand or arm in uncomfortable ways. A longer handle and a more pronounced nozzle would go a long way to mitigating this issue.

The Womanizer Starlet 2 sex toy in coral on a white sheet

I really noticed the Womanizer Starlet 2’s relative lack of power at the higher settings, compared to other suction toys. I tried this toy three times, and was not able to orgasm with it on any occasion despite plenty of perseverance.

Finally, the battery life is inexcusably bad. You only get 30 minutes runtime. While a full charge also only takes 30 minutes, half an hour isn’t even long enough for many people with vulvas to reach orgasm.

Verdict: Is the Starlet 2 a Rising Star?

This one’s a miss. I was hopeful about the Starlet 2, but I was left thoroughly unimpressed and doubt I’ll be using it again.

The Womanizer Starlet 2 is available from Womanizer North America, and Womanizer Europe.

Thanks to Womanizer for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All views are my own and images are by me. Please use the affiliate links within this post if you want to make a purchase; commission helps to keep this site going!

Header image for a review of the Womanizer/Lovehoney Pro40

[Toy Review] Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 Clitoral Stimulator

Published on by Amy

After the Premium turned me into a Womanizer convert, I was excited to review another clitoral suction stimulator from the manufacturer that started the craze: the Womanizer Pro40, produced in partnership with Lovehoney.

Womanizer Pro40: Details

The Womanizer x Lovehoney Pro40 utilizes Womanizer’s signature Pleasure Air technology, which stimulates the clitoris via rapid pulses of air through a nozzle. These types of clitoral stimulators can be a godsend for those who get easily overstimulated for find that buzzy vibrators tend to numb them out. (They do not, however, feel like receiving cunnilingus. Whatever the hype says, I will die on this hill: it’s marketing fluff and it’s not true.)

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy in my hand on the background of a white bedsheet.

The Pro40 is fully waterproof and rechargeable via the included USB cable. It measures 6.5″ in length and is comfortable and light to hold.

The Pro40 has an ABS plastic body and removable silicone nozzles. The colour scheme is a pretty mix of black and the ever-trendy rose-gold. The presentation and packaging lacks some of the high-end luxury vibe you get with some Womanizer products, but I just can’t bring myself to care that much about packaging. It’s all getting slung in the recycling anyway.

Womanizer Pro40 Review: Pros

I’ll be honest: a lot of the time I’ll try a suction toy, review it, and then either pass it off to a friend or shove it in a drawer and forget I have it. I fucking love this one, though. I’ve been reaching for it again and again lately, long after all the necessary testing sessions for this review were complete. It’s just really, really good.

I’ve been wondering, as I try more suction toys, whether they’re all broadly the same. The answer is “superfically kinda but also not really.” The basic sensation you get from each one is similar, but I’ve tried enough at this point to start noticing more of the nuances and benefits of each one. There are two things that really set the Womanizer Pro40 apart from similar toys I’ve reviewed for me:

First, the suction is what I can only describe as “smooth.” It feels like it’s caressing my clit rather than the aggressive almost tapping-like sensation you can get from lower quality suction toys. Secondly, the shape of the nozzle is excellent. It sticks out a good distance from the body of the toy, making it much easier to angle it effectively against my clit.

I like that the nozzles are removeable as this makes cleaning your toy between uses a breeze. The buttons are sensibly located and easy to press. The Womanizer Pro40 even has something I seem to bang on about in every review: dual-directional speed controls.

Finally, the battery life is great. I’ve had over 3 hours use out of a single charge.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

Cons

The Womanizer Pro40 only has six levels of intensity, which wasn’t a big deal for me but I’m including it in the review because it might be a downside for some folks.

The Womanizer Pro40 black and rose gold clitoral suction toy lying on a white bedsheet.

It’s also pretty loud, especially when you turn it up to full power. So you’ll want to bear that in mind if discretion is important to you.

Womanizer Pro40 Review: Verdict

I adore this toy! I was so surprised by how good it it and how well it stacks up against more expensive models. Fully endorsed.

At £99.99 ($119/99 US), the Womanizer Pro40 is on the pricier end but still more wallet-friendly than the pricier Classic, Duo, and Premium models.

Buy the Womanizer Pro40 from Lovehoney US or Lovehoney UK.

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me the Womanizer Pro40 in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are, as ever, my own. Affiliate links are used within this post and send a small commission my way if you make a purchase.

Abstract black and gold review header for Womanizer Duo

[Toy Review] Womanizer Duo

Published on by Amy

Update 30/10/23: the original Womanizer Duo dual stimulator is no longer available as it has been replaced with the Womanizer Duo 2. All links in this Womanizer Duo review now point to the new edition. However, be aware there may be variations between this version and the newer iteration.

I am very, very picky when it comes to dual stimulation toys (that is, toys that stimulate the clitoris and vagina at the same time—rabbit vibes are the most classic example.) Most of them simply don’t work very well for me. Would the Womanizer Duo, an unusual dual stimulation toy featuring a clitoral suction stimulator, break that pattern?

Womanizer Duo Review: Details

Womanizer is a high-end sex toy brand with high-end prices to match. The absolute cheapest model, the Womanizer Starlet, will set you back £69.99 at full price. This model, Womanizer’s most expensive yet at the time of writing, retails for £171/$224.

The Womanizer Duo’s basic design is similar to that of a rabbit vibrator. It has an insertable shaft and a clitoral stimulator. However, instead of the traditional vibratinbg “ears,” the smaller arm sports one of Womanizer’s patented Pleasure Air clitoral simulators.

Black dual stim sex toy held in a woman's hand, for a Womanizer Duo review
Image: Womanizer

At 9″ in total length, this is a pretty hefty toy. However, the insertable length is a more manageable 5″ and the widest part of the insertable shaft is 1.4″ in diameter. The Womanizer Duo is waterproof and USB rechargeable, with a battery life of around 2 hours 2 hour charge. Its body is made of silicone and it is available in an array of colours including black, burgundy, and blue.

As well as the toy, charging cable, and instruction booklet, in the box you’ll also a satin storage bag and two removable silicone heads for the clitoral stimulator in different sizes. These are great if you want to share your toy with a partner safely.

Just like I commented in my Womanizer Premium review, the Womanizer Duo packaging reminds me of the kind of packaging that would hold high-end perfume or make-up. It’s stylishly designed and beautifully presented. However, it’s also a bonkers amount of single-use plastic, which I don’t love.

Womanizer Duo In Use: Controls and Features

Womanizer Duo with buttons and control panel showing
Image: Womanizer

The Womanizer Duo has six buttons in total. One turns the toy on and off, another changes the vibration pattern, and the remaining two pairs control the speed of the internal and external stimulators respectively.

The controls take a little getting used to because there are six separate buttons and a lot going on. However, the buttons are easy to press and intuitively placed, and I appreciate having dual directional controls. I feel like I complain about single-directional controls in every other review, so this is a point in the Womanizer Duo’s favour.

I do not like internal vibrations. I find them uncomfortable and occasionally even painful. When I use dual-stim toys at all, I prefer those that have a thrusting mechanism or a “come hither” motion. So it’s a huge deal to me that I can control the Womanizer Duo’s internal vibrator and clitoral stimulator completely independently. This means I can insert the internal arm and enjoy its pressure while the clitoral stimulator works its magic, without having to deal with unwanted vibrations.

The Womanizer Duo has 12 levels of intensity for each arm. The internal vibrator also offers 10 different patterns. This means that hundreds of different combinations are possible and you can tailor your experience to exactly what you want.

Like the Womanizer Premium, the Womanizer Duo boasts the extremely useful “Smart Silence” feature. When Smart Silence is enabled, the toy’s motors will only activate when it close contact with a body. This is a great feature for those who need a more discreet toy. It’s also useful if you’re travelling with your toy.

Womanizer Duo Review: Overall Experience

It took a bit of experimentation to get it to work for me. It’s large and bulky, and it can be awkward to hold. The controls are a little complex, as I mentioned above. However, once I got comfortable and found the combination of settings that worked for me, I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to reach orgasm with this toy.

To be entirely honest, if I hadn’t committed to writing this review, the Womanizer Duo isn’t a toy I’d likely reach for. Overall, I found the orgasm I got from this toy more trouble than it was worth. It took about five times as long as using my favourite bullet or wand (or, frankly, my hand.) I had to keep adjusting it, and holding the toy in place was cumbersome and annoying. It’s also quite difficult to keep a solid seal with the clitoral stimulator, and impossible to do any kind of thrusting without completely losing clitoral contact.

The clitoral stimulator is the usual high-quality, smooth suction Womanizer fans have come to expect. The G-spot stimulator, though, will likely disappoint those who enjoy internal vibrations as they are weak and buzzy.

I think it says a lot that I tossed the Womanizer Duo in a box after I finished testing it and making notes for this review, and I haven’t reached for it again. It’s unlikely that I will.

Pro tip: as well as using plenty of lube on the internal arm, dab a bit on the nozzle of the clitoral stimulator. This helps the toy to form a better seal against your body.

Verdict

The Womanizer Duo is wildly expensive and kind of a pain in the ass to use. It’s an interesting idea, and the combination of internal stimulation and clitoral suction definitely has promise, but the execution is frustrating.

I definitely wouldn’t suggest the Womanizer Duo as either a first dual stimulation toy or a first suction toy. Make sure you actually like these types of toys before you splash out nearly £200. The Womanizer Starlet is a more affordable introduction to suction toys, and a good rabbit vibrator will allow you to find out if dual stim toys are your jam.

The Womanizer Duo is available from Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney US, Shevibe, Good Vibes, and Babeland.

Thanks to Womanizer for sending me the Duo dual stimulator to review. All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header for a review of the Rocks Off Chaiamo

[Toy Review] Rocks Off Chaiamo

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Q: what’s unique about Rocks Off? A: it’s the only sex toy company whose toys I have seen on the shelves of my local Sainsburys. Rocks Off has consistently offered solid basic toys at affordable prices, and I just received the new Chaiamo bullet vibrator to try out.

Rocks Off Chaiamo: Details

The Chaiamo is a straight vibrator with a gently tapered tip. It measures 6″ in length, with 5″ of insertable length and a diameter of 1.25″ across the centre of the shaft. The button is located on the base of the toy.

The Chaiamo is waterproof and USB rechargeable, with an battery life of around 3 hours for a 3 hour charge. It has made of silicone, with a plastic base. I received the black version, but the Chaiamo is also available in burgundy.

Chaiamo Review: In Use

If I could describe the Rocks Off Chaiamo in one sentence it would be “simple yet effective.”

Shape-wise, it offers excellent versatility. Use the edge for broader stimulation, or the tapered tip if you’re looking for something more focused (though not truly pinpoint.)

It’s also suitable for internal use, if that’s your jam. I hate internal vibrations and I prefer my insertable toys to have a curve, so the Rocks Off Chaiamo isn’t a good choice for internal use for me. However, fellow sex blogger Isabelle Lauren describes her experience very positively in her review. This toy does not have a flared base so is not safe for anal use.

The Chaiamo’s body is rigid, making it ideal for me as someone who likes to press toys firmly into my vulva. Its straight shaft is smooth and untextured.

I was also pleasantly surprised by the Chaiamo’s motor. It is not only pretty powerful, but also far more rumbly than most toys I’ve tried at this price point. It’s also fairly quiet, if that’s important to you.

The Rocks Off Chaiamo’s one button interface is simple to use and the button is easy to press. However, scrolling through all 10 settings—3 constant speeds and 10 patterns—if you want to go back one step is always super annoying.

Rocks Off Chaiamo: Verdict

I’m so impressed with this toy considering how cheap it is!

If you’re looking for a versatile and well-designed basic vibrator with a good motor at an affordable price, the Chaiamo is that toy.

The Chaiamo currently retails for $49.99/£44.99 and is available from Shevibe, Lovehoney UK, Good Vibes and Babeland.

Thanks to Rocks Off for providing me with this toy to review. All views and writing, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for a review of the Satisfyer Multifun

[Toy Review] Satisfyer Multifun

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Update 23/04/25: the Satisfyer Multifun appears, mercifully for genitals everywhere, to no longer be available. I normally remove content about defunct and obsolete products, but this Satisfyer Multifun review is staying because I think it’s worth showing you all what truly terrible sex toy design looks like.

It’s here, folks. The winner of the not-so-coveted title of “the worst designed sex toy I have ever had the misfortune of putting anywhere near my genitals.”

I hate being snarky about toys. I really do. I always try to find something positive to say. But in this case, I just… I can’t.

Satisfyer Multifun Review: Basic Details

The Satisfyer Multifun, a pink u-shaped vibrator
First impression: what is this even for?

Satisfyer is known for its suction-based toys such as the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation and Satisfyer Pro Penguin, many of which have been good-to-excellent. That’s why I was a little surprised that this offering is such an absolute, irredeemable mess.

The Satisfyer Multifun is a U-shaped toy with two prongs that come almost together at the top. There are two very slight variations between the Multifun 1 and 2: the Multifun 1 is blue and the Multifun 2 is pink, and the ends of the prongs curve in very slightly different ways on each. Again, the difference is tiny. Calling them two different products is, at best, a stretch.

The Multifun contains three motors, one in each of the prongs (which are operated together with a single button) and one in the base (operated separately with a second button). The toy is about 5 inches long in total, 3.5″ being the prongs and 1.5″ the base.

This toy is waterproof and USB rechargeable.

Safe Isn’t Enough

When I ranted to Mr C&K about how terrible the Satisfyer Multifun is, he pointed out that it’s at least a slight improvement on many terrible sex toys in that it is body-safe. And yes, it is. The entire body of the toy is made of silicone, which is the gold standard for body-safe sex toy materials.

The Satisfyer Multifun, a pink u-shaped vibrator

But, as I explained to him, at this point I don’t see “body safe” as enough. I see it as a bare fucking minimum. At this point in my career, “this toy is body safe” is up there with “this food didn’t give me food poisoning.” It’s not a glowing recommendation, it’s a basic expectation.

So yes. This toy is body-safe. Can I say anything else positive about it? I’m honestly really struggling.

Satisfyer Multifun Review: Multi-NoFunWhatsoever

On the back of the Multifun box, Satisfyer has helpfully (and I use the word “helpfully” in the loosest possible sense) included diagrams of different ways to use this toy on both a vulva and a penis. Being the dutiful and diligent toy testers that we are, we tried all of them (except the “hang it off your balls” one, because even Mr C&K’s tolerance for doing weird shit to his genitals for the benefit of my readers has its limits.)

The Satisfyer Multifun, a pink u-shaped vibrator, hanging on a purple suction cup dildo stuck to a wall.
Feat. our shower wall and the Blush Ruse Jammy silicone dildo.

All 12 of Satisfyer’s suggestions were… equally terrible? Similarly nonsensical?

Pinching it around my clit was mildly painful for the two seconds it stayed on, and then merely annoying as it kept slipping off. Trying to stick it inside me made absolutely no sense whatsoever as it’s entirely the wrong shape to do anything but poke me annoyingly in the vaginal walls. Trying to get it to hang off my nipple like a nipple clamp was merely hilarious (and, needless to say, a complete failure).

Hanging it around Mr C&K’s penis in various configurations produced no greater reaction than “well… that’s kind of in the way.”

Even using it as a straightforward clitoral vibrator didn’t work, because the vibrations were so weak and buzzy that I literally Did Not Feel A Fucking Thing.

Texting a fellow sex blogger friend about this (mis)adventure, I described the Multifun’s vibrations as “akin to a bee buzzing away on my clit. Not even a hive of bees. Just one.”

A Non-Exhaustive List of Other Things I Hate About This Toy

  • The sound. Good God, the sound. This thing doesn’t just buzz, it whines.
  • The buttons. They’re small, fiddly, and hard to press.
  • The ridiculously gendered marketing. The Satisfyer Multifun proudly proclaims to be “for men, women and couples” (ah yes, the three genders?) There are so many better ways to market that your product is suitable for different types of bodies. The diagrams of possible ways to use it with different genital configurations is more than enough (or would be, if any of them made an iota of sense.) And literally anything can be a toy for couples if you use it with a partner. As if this wasn’t bad enough, it comes in exactly two colours: baby blue (Multifun 1) and pastel pink (Multifun 2.) You know, conveniently colour-coded in case you don’t know which one is for you.

Satisfyer Multifun Review: Not Satisfying, Zero Fun, Thanks I Hate It

I hate this toy. I hate it with a burning passion that surprises me. I have never hated a sex toy this much. No, not even the stupid vibrating jelly cockrings like the ones you get out of pub toilet vending machines (is that still a thing or am I showing my age there?) At least we knew those were going to be terrible, and at least they didn’t have a nearly $50 price tag).

I implore you, do not buy this toy. Your genitals deserve better. For powerful clitoral stimulation, get the We-Vibe Tango X. For a decent vibrating cock ring, get the Hot Octopuss Atom. For a great toy to wear during penetrative sex, get the We-Vibe Sync or Chorus. And for your nipples, even a fucking vibrating bra is a better pick than this nonsense.

Satisfyer: what the fuck is this? Please do better. And for the love of God, please test your products on actual human genitals before you mass produce them.

Thank you to Satisfyer for sending me this product to review. Affiliate links appear within this post.


Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Knicker Vibrator

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Desire Remote Control Knicker Vibrator

Published on by Amy

One of the requests I receive most often is for remote control panty vibe toys, or vibrators that you wear inside your knickers. I can understand the appeal of them in theory. The idea of something stimulating you as you go about your day is alluring to a lot of people. The problem is that most of these so-called “vibrating knickers” suck. Would Lovehoney’s Desire Remote Control Panty Vibe be the toy to change all that?

Lovehoney Desire Panty Vibe

This vibrating knickers set, part of the Lovehoney Desire range, consists of three components: the vibrator itself, the remote control, and the knickers to use it with. All of this is presented in a zip-up pouch. The vibrator measures 4″ long. It is saddle-shaped and made of smooth, rigid silicone. There’s a single control button on the top and a nub on the underside which (supposedly) rests against the clitoris when worn.

Lovehoney Panty Vibe underside pictured with charging cable
Image: Lovehoney

The main toy is rechargeable, but the remote control requires a single CR2032 battery (included). The panty vibe is waterproof and submersible, but the remote is only splashproof.

Lovehoney Desire vibrating knickers product pic: woman's body from behind wearing black lace knickers, purple vibrator and remote pictured in a circle
Image: Lovehoney

The included knickers tie up at the sides, making them adjustable to fit various sizes. I wear a UK size 16 and they fitted me with plenty of room left over, though they may not be suitable for larger bodies. Annoyingly, there are no measurements or sizing information on the product page. The panties are made of soft black lace, though I don’t love that they’re polyester-based. They have a little pouch in the gusset where you slip the panty vibe to keep it in place.

Desire Panty Vibe Review: In Use

The Desire Knicker Vibrator has 12 speeds and 8 patterns to choose from. At the higher end, the vibrations have a decent amount of power, though they’re not as rumbly as I would like.

The best thing about the Desire Panty Vibe’s design, by far, is its shape. It sits comfortably flush with the curve of the vulva, and the bump on the end is ideal for brushing against the clit and providing some gentle friction. The pouch in the knickers means that the toy stays in place fairly well, though once you start moving around it’s hard to maintain constant clitoral contact. Think “tease” rather than “orgasm” with this one.

Lovehoney vibrating knickers shown with vibrator inside panty pouch
Image: Lovehoney

There’s a one-button interface on the toy itself, which allows you to cycle through the various pattern settings. However, you cannot turn the power level up or down on the toy itself. The remote, however, allows you to select both a pattern and a speed. The remote control range on this toy is about 8 metres, assuming a clear line of sight.

I don’t really agree with the description of the Desire Panty Vibe as “whisper-quiet” (do I ever?) It has a pretty distinct buzz. It’s not loud enough to be bad, but it’s also not quiet enough to be a selling point.

Lovehoney Desire Vibrating Knickers: Verdict

My overall verdict on this toy depends on what you’re looking for.

If you’re after a vibe to simply masturbate with to get off, this is probably not your best choice. I’d recommend going for the bullet or for the pebble clitoral vibe instead. However, if you’re after a panty vibe or “vibrating knickers” style experience, or a way to hand over control to someone else while keeping your hands free, this one could be a good choice.

The Desire Knicker Vibrator retails at £69.99 from Lovehoney UK or $99.99 from Lovehoney US.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Take Control bondage kit

[Kink Product Review] Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit

Published on by Amy

Sex toy kits are a fantastic idea in theory, but usually significantly less amazing in practice. Too often, they’re little more than a collection of cheap and poor-quality products shoved together in a pretty box and sold for a premium price. I’ll nearly always tell my readers to forego a kit and spend a bit more on just one or two quality items. However, I try to keep an open mind, which is why I agreed to review the Take Control Bondage Kit for beginners from Lovehoney.

Take Control: A Beginners’ Bondage Kit by Lovehoney

It’s been a very long time since I was new to BDSM. I’ve been doing kinky shit for well over a decade and have accrued a sizeable collection of toys, from basic staples to custom collars, premium impact toys, and more. So a beginner kit is not something I would ever buy for myself.

Therefore, I am trying to step back in time ten years or so in my mind, and view this BDSM starter kit through the eyes of someone who is just starting out, collecting their first beginner BDSM toys, or maybe wondering if they’re even kinky.

Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit: First Impressions

The Take Control Bondage Kit comes in one simple box, with all the products clearly displayed on the front so you know exactly what to expect. The packaging is brightly coloured and fun, reducing the intimidation factor for nervous new kinksters.

"Take Control" Lovehoney bondage kit
"Take Control" Lovehoney bondage kit in its box

There’s a LOT of information on the box, too. I appreciate that Lovehoney has provided a brief description on how to use each item as well as some basic information on safety and consent. The box reminds players to use safewords, never leave a bound person alone, and have a non-verbal safe signal if someone is gagged. It’s pretty 101-level stuff, but that’s also what a complete newcomer to kink is likely to need. Top marks for that.

I wasn’t delighted with the way the box was packed. Everything was just sort of piled in, each item wrapped in a cellophane wrapper. It’s a lot of unnecessary single-use plastic.

There is no real leather in this kit, making it vegan-friendly.

What’s in the Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit?

With that said, I think this is overall a decent beginners’ bondage kit. Many BDSM starter kits and sex toy kits generally are filled with things that aren’t even safe, let alone of good quality.

Let’s take a look at what’s inside, shall we? Just for fun, I’ve included a fun tip or an idea to try with each item in the Take Control kit. As always, pick the ones that resonate for you, leave the rest, and add your own ideas as you explore.

1: Blindfold

This blindfold is super comfy. It’s also thick and padded, meaning I couldn’t see a thing when it was on. The band is stretchy, too, so it should fit most people comfortably.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Blindfold your partner and stroke different items across their body – a silk scarf, a piece of velvet, the tails of your flogger – and have them guess what each item is.

2. Nipple suckers

I really liked these little suckers! They’re a great gentle introduction to nipple play, and perfect if you want some sensation but without the pain of nipple clamps or clothes pegs. They work for all chest sizes, from flat chests to large breasts, and most nipple sizes. If you flick or hit them too hard, they will fly off, but they can withstand some gentle manipulation.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Tell your partner to fetch you something from another room with these on. They’ll have to move carefully, though – they’ll be spanked if one falls off!

3. Ball gag

Full disclosure: I hate ball gags. I fucking hate them. They make my jaw hurt, they make me drool, and I can’t kiss my partner when I’m wearing one. They’re basically a soft limit at this point. With that said, this is a fine ball-gag if you do like them. The holes make it breathable, and silicone is a non-porous and hygienic material. I also like how adjustable this gag is. With 9 buckle holes, it will fit most people comfortably.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Make your submissive try to repeat words back to you while gagged.

4. Flogger

This is a stingy little fucker! Don’t let the small size fool you, this flogger can pack a wallop. The falls are made of thin rubber, which delivers a vicious sting when you put some force behind it. If pain isn’t your thing, you can drag it sensually across the skin for a gentle tickle. I would have liked the handle to have a bit more width and weight to it.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Try gently flogging the vulva or penis if your partner is up for it. Remember to clean your flogger thoroughly afterwards to remove any bodily fluids.

5. Wrist and ankle cuffs

These were the weakest part of the Take Control kit by far, for me. They’re quite thin and made of nylon, with no padding, which means they chafe if you put any pressure on them. They’re fine for exploring the feeling of being restrained, but if you want to pull against them at all I recommend getting some quality cuffs.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Restrain your partner then make them watch you masturbate in front of them.

6. Under-bed restraints

These are great, except for the tiny detail that they don’t fit my bed! We have a Super King bed and these restraints fit up to King Size. So they’ll be fine for the vast majority of people, but if you have a ridiculously giant bed like us, they may not fit.

These restraints are strong, durable, and easy to both set up and tuck out of sight when you’re done, if you want to. The little clips mean you can easily add any set of cuffs to them.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: when your partner is restrained, run a cube of ice along their body or drip low-temperature candle wax onto their skin.

7. Silicone suction cup dildo

Wow, a body-safe dildo in a BDSM kit! This shouldn’t be a pleasant surprise, and yet it is. This dildo measures 6″ in length and has a diameter of 1.5″. The slight curve is ideal for targeting the G-spot or prostate, and the silicone is super soft and silky. The suction cup and hollow space for a bullet vibrator are great additions.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Tease your lover’s entrance with the dildo until they beg to have it inside them.

8. Strap-on harness

This is the same harness that Lovehoney sells as part of their basic strap-on sex/pegging kit a few years ago. It’s comfortable and the rings are interchangeable so you can use it with any dildo with a flared base. However, it’s a pretty basic harness and you’ll want to upgrade to a higher-quality harness if you find you enjoy strap-on play.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: If you have a vulva, insert a wearable vibrator before you put on your harness. This will stimulate you while you penetrate your partner.

9. Wired bullet vibrator

I was fully expecting this bullet vibrator to be awful. While it’s far from the strongest bullet vibrator in the world and it is a little buzzy, it’s not a bad basic bullet for the size and price. It has several patterns as well as steady vibration speeds.

I don’t love that it’s wired rather than cordless, but the wire is long enough for one partner to control the remote while the other holds the vibrator against their genitals. The bullet takes 2x AAA batteries, which are not included.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Switch it off just when your lover is on the edge of orgasm and make them beg for release.

Lovehoney Take Control Beginners’ Bondage Kit: Verdict

On the whole, the Take Control Bondage Kit is a very solid basic beginners’ set for the price. If you’re brand new to exploring your kinks, you get a lot of bang for your buck here.

The Take Control kit retails for £79.99 UK/$99.99 US.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this kit in exchange for an honest review. If you choose to purchase this or anything else from Lovehoney, please buy through my affiliate links – it supports the blog at no extra cost to you!

Header image for Womanizer Premium review

[Toy Review] Womanizer Premium

Published on by Amy

Update 03/07/24: the Womanizer Premium has been replaced by the Womanizer Premium 2. Check out my review or buy it from the retailers listed at the end of this post. I’ve left this Womanizer Premium review up for information and because a lot of the points I’ve made here still apply to the new iteration of the legendary Womanizer clit sucker.

I’ve been wanting to get my hands on a Womanizer toy for so long. I missed the initial buzz as the first few Womanizer models were already old news by the time I started blogging. However, there are now new models out, and I was lucky enough to receive one to try out.

Let’s dive into the Womanizer Premium review.

Womanizer Premium: Details

Womanizer was the first company to create clitoral suction toys of the kind that are now made by a whole host of manufacturers. Many sex toy experts hold them up as the original and best, while others say they’re overpriced and the more affordable equivalents do just as good a job.

The Womanizer Premium is the latest in Womanizer’s line of clit sucker toys utilising their patented “Pleasure Air Technology”. The toy’s nozzle creates a seal around the clitoris and the toy provides stimulation via rapid pulses of air.

Womanizer Premium black clitoral suction toy
Image: Womanizer

The Womanizer Premium has a simple interface of 4 buttons. The bottom button just above the charging point switches the toy on and off, the one with a little wave pattern on it switches in and out of Auto Pilot mode, and the +/- buttons adjust the speeds. The buttons are easy to press and well positioned.

This toy is USB rechargeable, waterproof, and ergonomically designed to fit comfortably in the user’s hand. The nozzle is made of body-safe silicone, and the body is coated in the same.

Womanizer Review: Premium Product, Premium Packaging… Premium Pricetag

The Womanizer Premium lives up to its name before you even take it out of the box. The packaging is elaborate and decorated in a style which makes me think of perfume or high-end make-up, with a clear section where you can see the toy. Included with the toy is the charging cable, a convenient storage bag, and two nozzles of different sizes (so you can swap them out depending on what suits your body, or switch them between partners for safer sex reasons.)

The Womanizer Premium black box.
The Womanizer Premium clit sucker in its box

The Womanizer Premium also comes with a premium pricetag. At the time of writing, it retails for £169.99 ($199.99 US). Do I think it’s worth it? Eh… maybe.

If you can drop this kind of money on a toy, it’s an investment in your pleasure that will last you for years. On the other hand, the Classic model is just as good unless you care about the Premium’s special features.

Womanizer Premium Review: Special Features

The Womanizer Premium has three defining features which set it apart from Womanizer’s lower priced models and other brands’ clit sucker toys:

  • It boasts a massive 12 speed settings (the Womanizer Classic has only 8.) The lowest setting is lower and the highest setting is higher than ever before.
  • It has a truly fantastic feature known as Smart Silence. Smart Silence uses sensors to allow the toy to turn itself off automatically when it’s not in contact with the body and then back on again (at the same setting) when contact is reestablished. I’m obsessed with this feature, particularly for anyone who needs more discretion in their toy use.
  • Finally, there’s the Auto Pilot mode. I actually hate this with a ferocity that surprised me, because it’s really little more than a glorified pattern. In Auto Pilot mode, the intensity moves automatically between speeds (within a range of 4, which you can turn up or down). Which, no. I want to be in control when I’m using a toy! It can ruin my chances of orgasm if the stimulation changes suddenly when I’m getting close. I had to test this function for the review and now I will never use it again and forget it exists.

What I Liked About This Toy

This thing is fucking amazing. That’s it, that’s the Womanizer Premium review.

The best description I can give of how this toy feels? It’s like it is caressing your clit with a fierce determination to rip an orgasm from you whether you want it to or not, and when it does it’s the kind of orgasm that drenches the sheets and wakes the neighbours.

At least that was my experience.

It took me a while to come around to suction toys. However, now I’ve tried a fair few and the good ones are really good. I’d describe the Womanizer Premium as gentler than some others I’ve tried, even at the higher settings. Not in the sense of being lower powered – far from it, it packs a punch on the higher settings – but the overall effect is somehow smoother. If you’ve got a super sensitive clit or have found other suction toys too intense or harsh for you, the Womanizer Premium on the lower settings might be the perfect choice.

Anything I Didn’t Love?

Well, that stupid Auto Pilot setting, but it’s easy to forget that exists. The Womanizer Premium is also not the quietest, even when the toy is pressed against a body. For reference, my partner could hear it in the next room quite clearly even with the door closed.

Womanizer Premium Review: Verdict

If you can afford to drop close to £200 on a toy and want something really luxurious that will last you for many years, I can’t recommend the Womanizer Premium enough.

Since writing this post originally, this product has been replaced by the Womanizer Premium 2. This new and improved version is available from retailers such as Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney US, SheVibe, Sex Toys UK, Good Vibes, Babeland, and of course Womanizer themselves.

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. All views are, as ever, entirely my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.