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[Toy Review] Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro

Published on by Amy

When a company offers me toys to review and gives me free rein to choose products from their catalogue, as Funzze did recently, it becomes an increasingly complicated decision the longer I do this work. There are, after all, only so many variations on the basic vibrator, dildo, or stroker out there in the world, and I do like to keep things interesting. I tend to select review products, therefore, in one of three ways:

  1. Choose the thing I think might actually get me off
  2. Choose something with an intriguing name or description
  3. Choose the most bonkers and unhinged stuff I can find

On this occasion, I went with a combination both options #1 and #2, which is how the amusingly-named but intriguingly-designed Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro came to be in my possession.

What is the Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro?

Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro clitoral stimulator

The Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro is described as a “high frequency clit stimulator.” It tapers up to a point, ending in a rounded tip which rotates at high speeds when the vibrations are switched on. It is made of body-safe silicone with an ABS plastic accent band above the handle.

The Orgasm Monster also comes with two additional removable silicone tips, one shaped like a little tongue and the other shaped like a pair of bunny ears.

The Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro is USB rechargeable and fully waterproof (submersible.) It also comes with a storage bag, which is a nice touch you don’t usually get for toys at this price-point. In terms of battery life, I got a couple of hours out of mine on a full charge.

What I Liked About The Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro

Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro clitoral stimulator with rabbit ears head
Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro clitoral stimulator with tongue head

I found a lot to like about the Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro, particularly given its very affordable price (we’ll talk about that more in a minute.) So what did I like about it?

  • Perhaps most importantly, it lived up to its name. It gets me off, and it does so pretty reliably.
  • I love the inclusion of the additional heads! This simple little extra adds so much more bang for your buck, do to speak. It also makes the toy an appealing choice for those who are new to clitoral toys. Having options allows you to experiment with a few different sensations to find out what you like. Each of the three options (no head, bunny ears head, or tongue head) provides a distinctive experience.
  • The stimulation this toy offers is very, very pinpoint. Of course, this isn’t everyone’s thing. It’s not even my thing all the time – I have to be in the mood for it! But when that’s what I’m after, this toy delivers. If you are looking for seriously pinpoint clitoral pleasure, you’ll find it here.
  • I absolutely love the bunny ears attachment. The soft and flexible ears flicker back and forth, and – in my experience – feel particularly good when positioned on either side of my clit from above, stimulating it from the sides.
  • The Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro’s tip offers a good mix of firmness and flexibility. The “ball” at the top is pretty firm, but the neck leading to it has some give. This means that you can enjoy intense stimulation but, for me at least, without it tipping over into “so intense it’s painful.”
  • It’s pretty powerful, particularly when used without either of the attachments! I can sometimes orgasm with this toy without even turning it onto the most powerful setting, which is pretty impressive (and, honestly, pretty rare.)
  • It is not “silent”, despite what the marketing copy says (there is literally no such thing as a silent vibrator. It does not exist.) However, at under 50dB it’s also not too loud and its noise level and type is fairly unobtrusive.
  • The handle is comfortable to hold and only minimally transmits vibrations into my hand.
  • Its single button is easy to press, well positioned, and sufficiently raised that you can feel for it without needing to look.
  • It retails at just $35.99. That’s about £28 for my UK readers. There’s also a one-year warranty included should you have any problems.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro clitoral stimulator

Overall, I like the Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro quite a lot. There were a few things that didn’t work so well for me, though:

  • I really don’t like the tongue attachment. Despite the promising flicking motion when I switched it on, the flicking completely stops as soon as I actually apply it to my body. The result is the sensation of being poked in the clit by the surprisingly pointy little tongue. Your experience may vary, of course, as this is really a matter of personal preference.
  • This is probably unavoidable, but the tips do dampen the vibration transmission quite a bit. I found this more noticeable with the tongue attachment than the bunny ears one, but with both it significantly reduced the intensity.
  • I don’t love the one-button interface. It’s easy to use, but only being able to scroll one way through the settings and patterns is annoying. For a toy this intense, it would greatly improve the user experience to be able to go down a setting without having to scroll all the way back through.
  • The Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro’s vibrations, though decently strong, are pretty buzzy. I personally find that less problematic on a pinpoint toy than a broader one, for some reason, but it’s something to be aware of.

Funzze Orgasm Monster Pro: Verdict

This is a surprisingly good little clitoral toy at a very affordable price! Whether you’re on a budget or just looking to experiment with pinpoint clitoral toys, it’s a good pick and holds its own against many of its much pricier competitors. I probably need to reevaluate my cynicism about cheaper toys, honestly. They really do seem to be getting better and better all the time. This one impressed me more than I expected it to!

The Orgasm Monster Pro is available directly from Funzze.

Thanks to Funzze for sponsoring this post. This means they paid me to write an honest and unbiased review. All opinions and writing are, as always, mine.

Header image for Nothosaur Toys ALLA review featuring a purple stylised tentacle

[Toy Review] Nothosaur Toys ALLA

Published on by Amy

Nothosaur Toys only recently came onto my radar, when they reached out and asked about sponsorship. But I’ve already begun recommending them to readers who ask me about fantasy toys. With an impressive collection including alien dildos, tentacle dildos, dragon dildos, fantasy grinders, and much more, they have all sorts of great offerings for fans of the weird and wonderful. Nothosaur kindly sent me the ALLA tentacle dildo to review.

What is the Nothosaur Toys ALLA?

Nothosaur Toys ALLA, a long pink and blue tentacle dildo

The Nothosaur Toys ALLA is a tentacle dildo based on sources such as the Kraken sea monster mythology and the Cthulhu science fiction/horror stories. And it is literally a giant tentacle. It features a large heavy base and two rows of suckers along a flexible shaft. The long shaft tapers gently to a point.

The ALLA is available in several colourways. I chose the light pinkish-purple with blue accents known as “Redemption”, which is super pretty. For a small additional cost, you can also request a custom colourway of your choice.

The Nothosaur ALLA is available in six sizes, ranging from XS (11.8″ in total length) up to “Legendary” (41″ in total length.) Pay close attention to the size chart when you’re ordering, because if you’re not careful you’ll end up with something a lot bigger than you expected! I ordered the ALLA in a medium, which measures 22″ in total length and 1.1″ in diameter towards the top of the tentacle. The sheer idea of one that’s almost twice as large again makes my eyes water, but you might be a lot braver than me!

Nothosaur ALLA Review: What I Liked

Nothosaur Toys are gaining a great reputation in the world of fantasy sex toys, and it’s easy to see why. The ALLA is the first of their products I have tried, and there are plenty of things about it that I really like. Namely:

  • The Nothosaur Toys ALLA is a beautifully designed dildo. If you have a tentacle kink, I don’t think you could do much better! The detailing is impressive and the use of the two silicone colours adds both depth and an ethereal, otherworldly quality which can be tremendously appealing to lovers of fantasy toys. The Nothosaur dragon insignia is stamped into the base.
  • The silicone is body-safe and looks and feels to be of a high quality. So many fantasy toys are still being made from unsafe jelly materials or porous TPE/TPR. It’s great to see more and more silicone options coming onto the market. The ALLA’s silicone is very matte, and the suckers can be a little grabby, so using plenty of water-based lube is essential.
  • “Depth play” and “depth training” – gradually training your body to take longer toys safely and comfortably, either vaginally or anally – isn’t my thing as I find it far more painful than pleasurable. However, it is a fairly popular kink and relatively few body-safe toy options for this purpose have been available. The ALLA, with its softness and long, tapered body, is perfect for those who want to focus on depth of penetration in their play.
Nothosaur Toys ALLA tentacle dildo, close up of suckers

  • That texture! Oh my goodness, that texture! The Nothosaur ALLA’s suckers provide incredible additional stimulation when you use it internally. And there’s another possibility, too: repurposing the ALLA as a grinding toy for clitoral play. Seriously, try it and thank me later.
  • Thanks to the large base and lengthy shaft, the ALLA is anal-safe if that’s your thing.
  • Its suction cup holds it in place well despite its large size and significant weight. Some reviewers have commented that they can hang the entire toy from the ceiling with the suction cup!
  • The toy arrived quickly, and was discreetly packaged with no indication of what was inside.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Nothosaur Toys ALLA tentacle dildo, shown in full length

When I tried to use it for (presumably) its intended purpose of penetration, I found the Nothosaur ALLA to be slightly too floppy and flexible to be truly satisfying. I was able to insert it with plenty of lubrication and warm-up, but it took a few attempts because it kept bending away from my body when I applied pressure rather than slipping inside. If you enjoy very soft, flexible and gentle toys, this might be a good thing for you. For me, though, I found I wanted a little more rigidity.

I ordered the ALLA in medium firmness (the firmer of the two available options, the other being “soft.”) So keep this in mind if you’re looking for a firmer penetrative toy. I’m actually not convinced I’d be able to use it anally for this reason. All bodies are different, though, so your mileage may vary.

Due to its design, the ALLA can also be a bit of a pain to clean. All those little suckers can harbour bodily fluids, which can breed bacteria if not properly cleaned. For that reason, I really recommend boil-sterilising your toy after each use to ensure that it is completely clean. It just has too many creases and crevices for me to feel confident recommending any other method.

Nothosaur ALLA Review: Verdict

The ALLA is totally different from anything else in my collection, and I kind of love it. I am unlikely to use it as a penetrative toy again (as I said, it’s a little too flexible for me and ultra lengthy toys aren’t really my thing.) However, I will definitely be making plenty of use of the clitoral stimulation possibilities afforded by all those fabulous little suckers!

If you’re looking for a fantasy-style depth trainer or just have a kink for tentacles, you’ll love this toy.

The ALLA’s retail price depends upon the size and customisation options you choose. It begins from just $79.99 for the XS size in a standard colourway, up to $379.99 for the Legendary size. With the smaller options surprisingly affordable and the larger options reasonably priced considering the materials and skill that go into crafting these toys, I am happy to call the Nothosaur ALLA a great value product!

You can also use coupon code COFFEE for 10% off your entire Nothosaur Toys order.

Thanks to Nothosaur Toys for sending me the ALLA and sponsoring this honest and unbiased review. All views and writing, as ever, are mine. Don’t forget to check out the rest of the Nothosaur catalogue including the limited-edition Pride range!

Mr Hankey's Toys unicorn dildo review header featuring a stylised image of a rainbow unicorn horn and ears

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo

Published on by Amy

In my first Mr Hankey’s Toys review last month, I noted that I was kinda blown away by the sheer size of the toy in front of me. That theme continues in this, the second of three Mr Hankey’s reviews. Today, we’re looking at this glorious unicorn horn dildo.

When the Mr Hankey’s Toys gave me pretty much free rein (heh) to pick a selection of toys from their site, I couldn’t possibly resist this one. I mean, just look at it!

Mr Hankey's Toys unicorn dildo pink unicorn horn dildo

Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Dildo is available in four sizes, ranging in total length from 12″ up to 18.38″, in insertable length from 7″ up to 12″, and in diameter at the widest insertable point from 1.51″ up to 2.7″. I requested the second smallest size (“Medium”), which measures 14″ in overall length, 8″ in insertable length, and 1.83″ in diameter at the widest insertable point. Once the decorative base is factored in, this is a large toy.

This toy is made of 100% body-safe silicone.

It is also available in four firmness levels: 40% soft (the softest), 75% soft, medium firm, and extra firm. You can get it in any of 24 different colourways, including a white/gold two tone. I requested bubblegum pink because I was feeling extra femme that day and it seemed somehow appropriate for this toy. There’s also the option to add a vac-u-lock hole.

Things I Like About the Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Horn Dildo

Mr Hankey's Toys unicorn dildo bent in the middle to show its flexibility

I mean, the entire design of this toy is just so whimsical and delightful. When you’ve tested and reviewed as many sex toys as I have, one vaguely penis-shaped piece of silicone starts to blend into the next. (Figuratively. Silicone toys do not melt together in storage and I wish this stupid myth would die already. But that’s a rant for another day.)

But a dildo that looks like a unicorn horn? Yeah, that’s new and novel. The detailing is impressive and gives a fun and playful feel that makes me smile every time I see its silly face and ginormous horn on my desk, where it is currently functioning as a particularly “extra” paperweight.

I chose the 75% soft option, which is the second softest. In this shape, that means the horn part is very squishy, bendy, and flexible. According to the company, this softness level mimics a bio-cock at 75-80% of full erection, but on this product it definitely seems softer and more flexible than that. If you want anything other than serious squish and flex, go for one of the firmer options. If, like me, you tend to prefer less intense insertable toys, the 75% soft is a great choice.

I also like the gently tapered design a lot. Coupled with the flex, this makes it ideal for targeted but not-too-intense G-spot stimulation.

The texturing of the horn is lovely, too. A lot of textured insertable toys are too much for me. They can be so intense that they become uncomfortable or even painful. The Unicorn Dildo, though, has a subtle rippling, twisted texture that is pronounced enough to be felt but also gentle.

Thanks to the bottom-heavy design, the Unicorn Dildo stands on its own. The company does warn that not all firmness levels and sizes will necessarily do this, though, so be aware of that if this feature is important to you. It does mean that putting it down on a firm surface and using it hands-free is potentially an option for users who are so inclined.

This large base also means that the Unicorn Dildo is totally anal-safe, if that’s your thing.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Mr Hankey's Toys unicorn horn dildo

As with the Perfect Penis dildo I reviewed last month, my only real complaint with the Unicorn Horn dildo is that it’s heavy. The large and solid base really adds some weight and heft to this toy, meaning that it can be a challenge to lift and manipulate if you struggle with holding heavy objects.

The silicone is perhaps a little more matte than I would ideally prefer, which means it can be quite grabby. For large toys like this one, that’s very noticeable. However, it’s nothing that you can’t solve with plenty of water-based lube. It also picks up quite a lot of lint and dust in storage, so you’ll want to give it a quick wash or wipe before each use.

Due to the grooves and ridges of the detailed design, I recommend boil-sterilising your Unicorn Dildo to ensure that it’s not harbouring any bacteria in those hard-to-clean areas.

Otherwise? No complaints at all.

Verdict

I love this product! Even in the second smallest size, it’s probably a little too large and hefty for me to actually use it super often, though it’ll definitely get the occasional outing for its intended purpose. It is playful and unique, the insertable part is genuinely well-designed, and when I’m not using it I’ll probably keep it on display anyway because it makes a fun ornament in the sex-positive den of chaos that is my office.

I love that Mr Hankey’s Toys are offering very large dildos made exclusively of body-safe materials. I often receive requests for large toy recommendations. Unfortunately, many of the manufacturers making them are still using unsafe and porous materials. Mr Hankey’s Toys products aren’t cheap, but you’ll get some serious quality for your money. With a little care, one of these toys could last years if not decades.

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Unicorn Horn Dildo starts from $134.95 for the smallest size in a basic colourway. Prices increase as you go up in size and add customisations.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. This means they paid me to write a fair and honest review. All views and experiences are, as always, my own.

Funzze Super Powerful Massager review header image

[Toy Review] Funzze Super Powerful Massager

Published on by Amy

It’s no secret that I love wand vibrators. I don’t even know how many I own at this point—it must be at least a dozen, possibly closer to 20. Yet, whenever I get offered the chance to review one, I jump at it. They’re a classic for a reason, after all. I’m pleased to be bringing you another wand vibrator review today courtesy of Funzze, who kindly sent me the Funzze Super Powerful Massager, their take on the wand vibrator, to try out and review for you all.

Funzze Super Powerful Massager

Funzze Super Powerful Massager wand vibrator

The Funzze Super Powerful Massager, which landed on my review pile this week, is a wand style vibrator with a long handle and a large head, measuring a total of 13.5″ in length. Its head is made of body-safe silicone and the body is ABS plastic. The button panel, located in the middle of the handle, is also silicone. The only colour it comes in is black.

This toy is USB rechargeable. You’ll get anything from an hour to 2 hours of use (depending on settings) out of a full charge, which takes around 3 hours.

The Funzze Super Powerful Massager arrived in discreet packaging, with the toys packed in simple branded cardboard boxes. It also comes with a drawstring storage bag.

Funzze Super Powerful Massager Review: What I Liked

Funzze Super Powerful Massager wand vibrator bent to show the flexible neck

In short, I am really impressed with how well the Funzze Super Powerful Massager holds up, even compared to much more expensive products I’ve reviewed. Let’s have a look at all the specific things I liked about it.

  • First and most importantly: those vibrations! The Funzze Super Powerful Massager really lives up to its name—its power level is seriously impressive. Even better, the vibrations are fairly rumbly. This means that you get deep, satisfying stimulation rather than a numbing buzz. It gets the job done, and it gets it done quickly and reliably.
  • The firmness of the head. This makes it easy to get a good amount of pressure, and it transmits the vibrations well.
  • The flexible neck. This allows you to position the toy exactly where and how you want it. However, it’s not so flexible that it’s impossible to get any pressure. This can be a difficult balance to strike, but this toy does it well.
  • There are 8 speed settings and a massive 20 different patterns, which can be used in any combination.
  • The super affordable price point! The Funzze Super Powerful Massager is one of the cheapest vibrators I’ve reviewed, retailing for a bargain $31.99. It also comes with a 1-year warranty should anything go wrong.
  • It is compatible with many standard wand attachments. Want to add texture or turn your wand into a penis masturbator or rabbit vibe? Just add a topper and you’re good to go.
  • It’s fairly light for its size, weighing just over 300g.
  • The buttons are easy to press, well placed, and the controls are intuitive. There’s an on/off button, a button to change the pattern, and a button to change the speed. The buttons are raised and large enough that it’s easy to press them without looking.
  • An on/off button that you just press and don’t have to hold down. This might sound like a small thing, but it really makes a difference to my experience using a toy.
  • The inclusion of a storage bag is a nice touch, particularly for such an inexpensive product.

Any Downsides?

Funzze Super Powerful Massager wand vibrator buttons

With all of those good things said, there were a few small things about the Funzze Super Powerful Massager that didn’t work so well for me.

  • The speed and pattern controls only scroll one way. So if you want to go back a step, you have to cycle all the way through all the settings to do so.
  • It’s not waterproof. Which is fair enough; most wand vibrators aren’t. This isn’t a big deal to me as I don’t generally use toys in water anyway, but if you like to masturbate in the bath or shower this is something to bear in mind. It also means it’s better to clean the wand with a sterile body-safe wipe rather than soap and water.
  • It’s moderately loud (companies: please stop claiming your toys are quiet when they demonstrably aren’t.) All wand vibrators are going to be loud to a certain extent, and it’s not egregious, but it’s certainly noticeable.
  • For some reason, when I switched on the Funzze Super Powerful Massager to start this review, it started at the highest setting. This might not be a problem for those of us whose usual vibrator use pattern is “stick it on the most powerful speed and leave it there.” (Hello!) But if you prefer to start slowly and work up through the speeds, having to immediately switch down when you turn it on could be annoying.
  • The single use plastic wrap around the toy inside the packaging box was unnecessary and is not very environmentally friendly.

Funzze Super Powerful Massager Review: Verdict

I’m often cynical about toys at very low price points, assuming they can’t possibly compete with their higher priced counterparts. I should probably reevaluate that assumption, though, because the Funzze Super Powerful Massager is so, so, so good for the price. Whether you’re on a budget and looking for a reliable staple or seeking an entry-level product to see whether wand vibrators work for you, this is a great option. Despite the small issues I identified, it’s an excellent toy that can easily compete with many of the pricier products in my collection.

You can buy this product directly from Funzze.

Thanks to Funzze for sending me this product and sponsoring this unbiased review. All writing and views are, as always, mine.

Abstract header image for a Nothosaur sponsored post on why people like tentacle dildos

Why Do People Like Tentacle Dildos?

Published on by Amy

When my blog took off and I started getting comments and questions from readers regularly, common queries and “FAQs” began popping up. Some of them I expected, others surprised me. Over the last seven and a half years, a request I’ve received again and again is for recommendations for fantasy toys. Monster toys, alien toys, tentacle dildos, and so on. Turns out a lot of you are curious about tentacle kinks!

I’ll be the first to admit that tentacles aren’t really my kink. I don’t have any issue with it, of course—all consensual and risk-aware expressions of adult sexuality are good with me!—but I can’t say I ever entirely got it.

Nevertheless, clearly this kink strikes a chord with a lot of my readers and a lot of people generally. So, when the good folks at Nothosaur approached me and asked if they could sponsor a post, I thought I’d do a delve into this popular fetish.

So what is it exactly about tentacle dildos that makes them so popular?

How Common Are Tentacle Kinks and Fantasies?

Tentacles for a post on why people like tentacle dildos
Image: Nothosaur

Justin Lehmiller, PhD, writing for Psychology Today, says “it’s rare, but some people fantasize about being sexually dominated by creatures with tentacles.”

Far be it for me to question the fantastic Dr Lehmiller, but I want to ask… is it rare? Okay, tentacle fantasies are probably less common than (say) fantasies of being spanked or tied up, but the fact that there’s an enormous and booming industry around tentacle-themed erotic content and toys tells me it’s actually at least somewhat common.

As with most sex-related things, reliable statistics are notoriously hard to find. So in terms of how common this fetish is, I don’t really know. But I feel safe in saying that if you do have a tentacle kink, you’re in very good company… and probably more company than you think.

By the way: just to bust a common misconception, having tentacle fantasies or enjoying tentacle dildos does not imply that a person is in any way interested in bestiality or sexually abusing animals.

So Why Do People Like Tentacle Dildos?

Nothosaur tentacle dildos
Image: Nothosaur

Whenever people ask, “why are people into that?” about a particular kink. I want to turn the question around. To me, the most interesting question isn’t “why do people like that?” The most interesting question is why do you, specifically, like that?

You might not know why a particular kink or fetish appeals to you, of course. And that’s okay. We don’t have to analyse where our fetishes come from to enjoy them.

With that said, let’s look at a few of the reasons that people might enjoy tentacle dildos.

Enacting a Fantasy with Tentacle Dildos

As we’ve already mentioned, fantasies involving tentacles are pretty common.

Some fantasies are easier to bring to life—for example, through roleplay scenes—than others. For those that are more based in the fantastical, toys can be an amazing way to help them feel more real.

Tentacle Kink: The Allure of the Taboo

Sexual fantasies are often based in the taboo—things that feel edgy, transgressive, or even wrong, things that push up against social norms and ideas of what types of sex are “okay” to have, to want, to fantasise about.

Dr Lehmiller writes, “The entire concept of a sexual “taboo” is inherently arbitrary because what is considered taboo in one time, context, or culture may be considered perfectly normal in another.” In most places and contexts, despite how common they are, I think it’s fair to say that tentacle fantasies would be considered taboo. This, in itself, could explain part of their allure.

Shape and Texture

Tentacle toys tend to be wider at the bottom and narrower at the top. They are usually at least somewhat flexible, and often feature a lot of intense texturing. Designs with lots of little “suckers”, for example, are common. There are variations, of course, but this is the general theme.

And what do these features have in common? They can all make a toy feel really, really good.

Tapered toys with at least some flex are great for targeted stimulation of the G-spot or prostate. Toys that are narrower at the tip are often easier and more comfortable to insert. And texturing offers additional stimulation possibilities both internally and externally.

Versatility

One of the most fun things about fantasy sex toys is that there are virtually no hard and fast rules. If it can be molded out of silicone or another appropriate material, it can probably be made. So no matter the shape, size, colour, or texture you’re looking for, you’re likely to be able to find a toy that fits the bill.

And if the toy you envision isn’t available? Many fantasy toy makers will be happy to work with you to create it for you.

Size and Length Preferences

For some reason, the crossover between the “fantasy toys” market and the “very large toys” market seems to be significant. The shape and design of tentacle dildos lends itself very well to large toys, particularly those that prioritise length.

On the flip side, the slimline design of many tentacle toys is great for those who prefer narrower toys over girthier ones.

Non-Phallic Appearance

Many people of all genders and sexual orientations enjoy penetration (vaginal, anal, or both.) But for all sorts of reasons, not everyone enjoys or feels comfortable being penetrated by something that looks like a penis.

This is one of the reasons that abstract sex toys are so popular, from beautiful glass and metal designs to silicone in a dizzying array of textures and colours. It’s also one of the appeals of fantasy toys. Want to fuck yourself with something that looks like a unicorn horn, a plant, an ice-cream cone, or—yes—a tentacle? Fantasy toys have got you covered.

Choosing the Right Tentacle Dildo for You

With so many tentacle toys out there, how can you decide which one to choose? You might find that a particular toy calls to you when you see it. If not, here are a few factors you can use to help you decide:

  • Colours and aesthetics. Yes, this matters! Choose a toy that will be a joy to look at and use.
  • Size. Do you want a large toy or a smaller one? Does girth or length matter more to you?
  • Texture. Would you prefer a smoother toy, or one with a lot of texture? Heavily textured toys tend to feel more intense.
  • Flexibility and firmness. Do you want a firm and rigid toy, or a softer and more flexible one? Firmer toys are more intense, while more flexible ones are gentler and can be more comfortable for beginners.
  • Vaginal or anal use (or both?) If you’re going to use your toy anally, it must have a large flared base.

Nothosaur: One Stop Shop for Tentacle Dildos and Other Fantasy Sex Toys

Nothosaur carries a large range of tentacle dildos and other fantasy dildos as well as plugs, grinders, eggs, and more. Whether you’re a fantasy toys aficionado or just exploring tentacle toys for the first time, check them out.

And look out for my review of one of their products, also coming soon!

This post was sponsored. All views and writing are, as always, my own.

Header image featuring a broken pink heart on a string for a post about polyamory breakup tips

Polyamorous Breakups: How to Support Your Partner Through a Breakup with Someone Else [Polyamory Conversation Cards #15]

Published on by Amy

I have thought more about breakups in the last one hundred and four days at the time of writing (but who’s counting?) than I ever thought either possible or desirable. I’m not even close to ready to write about the particular and brutal ways that my own heart has been torn out this year, and I’m not sure when I will be, but at least I can use this experience to bring you some hopefully-useful polyamory breakup and heartbreak tips.

In case you missed it, this post is part of a series inspired by Odder Being’s Polyamory Conversation Cards. Once a week or as often as I can, I’ll pull a card at random and write a piece of content based on it. There will likely be some essays, advice pieces, personal experiences, rants, and more! You can read the whole series at the dedicated tag. And if you want to support my work and get occasional bonus content, head on over to my Patreon.

This week’s card asks:

“How can your partner(s) best support you when you’re facing challenges in your other relationships or have a broken heart?”

I’m not going to give you my best “how to get over a broken heart” tips, mostly because I don’t fucking know y’all, I wouldn’t still be crying five times a day if I knew that. So instead, we’ll look at another unique polyamory breakup problem: how to support your partner when they’re dealing with the heartbreak of another relationship ending.

Everyone Processes Breakups and Heartbreak in Polyamory Differently, So Ask What Your Partner Needs

This is always my first tip when people ask me how to support their partner through a breakup or any other traumatic life event. People are different and need different things. Some people want lots of company and distraction when they’re heartbroken. Others prefer to be given plenty of their own space to turn inwards and process. So ask your partner what they need and what will be most helpful to them.

Of course, they may not know, and you need to make room for that. But even if they don’t know now, the simple act of asking shows that you care. It shows that you will be there for them as and when they do know what they need.

With that said, read on for some general tips that I’ve found tend to work well.

Breakups Are Exhausting, So Take Care of the Practical Things

For the first four or five days after my most recent breakup, I could do almost nothing but lie on the sofa and cry. Mr C&K took care of practical things around our home, picking up the slack where I couldn’t and cooking for me so that I’d at least have a chance at eating something healthy. Polyamory meant not having to deal with the heartbreak of the breakup and try to hold a home together in the immediate aftermath.

Taking care of practical things can be a godsend for someone who is heartbroken. In the midst of grief, even small daily tasks can feel insurmountable. So feed them, take care of household chores, pick up the kids from school or walk the dog. By taking these things off their plate, you give them time and space to do the grieving they need to do.

Distract Them

Grief and heartbreak need to be processed. However, no-one can do this 24 hours a day until they feel better. Sometimes, it’s important just to get back out into the world and think about other things.

Providing distractions can be a great way to cheer someone up, pull them out of the fog, and show them that they’re still an awesome and complete human without the person who broke their heart. Take them out if they’re up for it. Watch fun movies or TV shows with them, play a game, do a project, or just talk about something else.

Let Them Feel Their Feelings

When someone you love is hurting, it can be tempting to want to make them feel better by any means necessary. This comes from a good place, but it can end up doing more harm than good. If you’re not careful, your partner may end up feeling pressured to hide their true feelings or to “get over it” more quickly than is realistic for them. In polyamory as in monogamy, the healthiest way to process the grief of a breakup is to feel it.

Hold space for their feelings. Do not diminish those feelings, try to “logic” your partner out of feeling them, or tell them that they shouldn’t feel a particular way. Instead validate, empathise, and let them know that whatever they feel is okay.

Don’t Expect a Breakup in Polyamory to Be Quicker or Easier Than Any Other Heartbreak

Breakups, particularly bad and traumatic breakups, are a form of grief. This pain does not, for most of us, pass quickly or easily. It can take weeks, months, or even years for someone to completely get over the ending of a relationship.

That’s not to say they’ll be totally non-functional for all that time. Most people won’t be. I went back to work a few days after my recent breakup, because I had to.

Sometimes, they might think they’re fine. They might even be fine for hours, days, weeks at a time. Then something will remind them of the breakup and they’ll be slammed by a wave of grief again. Be there for them when this happens. Be patient, and be prepared to reassure them that this experience is normal.

Resist the Temptation to Step Into the Ex Partner’s Place

When your partner is experiencing loss, it’s natural to want to fill that void. In polyamory remaining partners often make the mistake of trying to step into the ex partner’s place or fill their shoes after a breakup (either in a self-serving way, in an attempt to comfort the grieving partner, or both.)

Resist this temptation with all your might.

Nurture and grow your own relationship with your partner, and allow it to be what it is. This may or may not include changing some aspects of it in response to the breakup, either temporarily or permanently. But do not try to be or to replace someone else. It will backfire badly on both of you if you do.

Supporting Someone Through a Breakup is Hard, So Seek Polyamory-Informed Support For Yourself

There are two important angles to consider here.

Firstly, caring for someone else – even (or especially) someone you love immensely – can be draining. It’s important to also take care of your own needs and seek support so that you don’t burn out.

The Circle of Grief can be useful here: support in, dump out. In other words, extend support to people who are closer to the current crisis than you (in this case, that’s your partner who got their heart broken.) Vent to, complain to, and seek support from people who are further away from it than you (in this case, that’s likely other friends or family, possibly other partners, and maybe a therapist.)

If you were practicing kitchen table polyamory or were otherwise close to your now ex-metamour, you might also be experiencing your own feelings of loss and grief. I’ve lost friendships and sexual relationships with metamours when one of us broke up with our mutual partner, and that loss is real and painful. If this sounds familiar, don’t forget to tend to yourself too.

Header image for Lovense Nora review

[Toy Review] Lovense Nora

Published on by Amy

Lovense Nora review update/disclaimer 2025: Lovense has come under fire for significant security breaches in the last few months, including allegedly exposing users’ email addresses in the supposedly-anonymous app. Though the company claims to have fixed the problem, this is part of a pattern of worrying privacy concerns when it comes to app-controlled sex toys in general. Do with this information what you choose, but it has made me extremely hesitant about using toy apps personally. I have updated my Lovense reviews to include this information to allow you to make an informed choice.

Lovense have long been one of the biggest players in the realm of app controlled sex toys, from the various iterations of the famous Lush to the excellent Ferri and Domi products. This week, they have kindly sent me the Lovense Nora to review. The Nora is one of Lovense’s two rabbit vibrators, along with the Osci.

What is the Lovense Nora?

The Lovense Nora is an app-controlled rabbit vibrator with a difference. Instead of the two vibrating motors you find in a typical rabbit vibe, it has a rotating internal arm and a vibrating external clitoral stimulator. It is made of body-safe silicone, with an ABS plastic handle and control panel.

Lovense Nora review image featuring a pink rabbit vibrator and a bottle of Sliquid water based lube

The Nora measures 9.53″ in total length, and has an insertable length of 4.72″. The insertable arm has a diameter of around 1.5″ at the widest point. It is USB rechargeable and IPX6 water-resistant (this means it is able to withstand water jets, but you should not submerse it for any prolonged amount of time.)

As well as the toy, you’ll find the charging cable and a black storage bag in the box.

Let’s dive into the Lovense Nora review.

Lovense Nora Review: What I Liked

Lovense Nora pink rabbit vibrator

Like all Lovense products, the Nora is well made and thoughtfully designed. As such, it has a lot of things to recommend it:

  • The silicone is luxuriously soft and silky.
  • You can control the clitoral and G-spot stimulators independently. As someone who has a very variable relationship with penetration, this is huge. If I want to just insert the toy and then use the clitoral stimulator, I can. If I want more, I just turn on the rotations. Excellent.
  • Speaking of which, that rotating motion. It’s no secret to anyone who’s read my reviews for a while that internal vibrations are not pleasurable to me. They’re somewhere between “annoying”, “uncomfortable”, and “painful.” The Nora’s rotations, though, are more like the G-spot stimulation you can get from fingers and less like a vibrator.
  • The gently rippled shaft of the toy’s insertable portion offers texture without being too intense.
  • The flexibility of the clitoral stimulator makes it easy to get it in the right place for your unique body, regardless of anatomy. Too many rabbit vibrators are fixed in one position. This effectively means they’ll only work well for one type of vulva. The flexibility also means the clitoral stimulator keeps contact as you move the toy or move your body against it.
  • The vibrations are strong and, though I wouldn’t necessarily go as far as to describe them as truly rumbly, they’re also not too buzzy.
  • You don’t need to use the app to have a good experience with this toy. You can still access three constant vibration speeds and four patterns, as well as three rotation speeds, using the buttons on the toy itself.
  • The battery life is truly impressive, offering up to 4 hours of continuous use and 5 days of standby time from a single (~2 hour) charge.
  • It comes with a 1-year warranty, so you’re covered should anything go wrong

Anything I Didn’t Like?

Lovense Nora buttons close up

There were also a few things about the Lovense Nora I wasn’t so fond of.

  • Every rotating or thrusting toy I’ve ever reviewed has this problem, and the Lovense Nora is no exception: it makes a truly horrible noise when the rotation is on. It’s a really distracting, high pitched whine that becomes almost painful to my neurodivergent brain after a while.
  • At the high price-point, this toy really should be at least IPX7 waterproof to allow for use in the bath.
  • The manual control buttons are tiny, as are the symbols on them. This makes it challenging to change settings without needing to pause and look at the buttons.
  • I wish the manual option had dual-directional controls. As it is, you can only scroll one way through the settings. This means that, if you want to go down a setting, you have to scroll all the way back through.
  • The colour. Sorry. It’s a really ugly shade of pink.

Lovense Nora & the Lovense App

I don’t really use sex toy apps very often, but this Lovense Nora review wouldn’t be complete without looking at the app.

The Lovense Remote app is available free on Android, Mac, and iOS. You can also connect directly to a Windows PC using a Lovense USB Bluetooth adapter. Though the app isn’t strictly necessary, it does offer many more levels of functionality and allows you to really make the most of your Lovense toy. You will need to create a free account to use the app.

Connecting a toy takes seconds, and my experience has consistently been that the Lovense app offers great responsiveness and stable connectivity. I’ve said it before and I will repeat it here: it’s at least twice as good as any other brand’s remote control app that I have tried.

Once you’re logged in, you have numerous options:

  • “Remote” controls your toy’s vibrations, rotations, or both with the swipe of a finger. You can use “Loop” to only have the toy run while your fingers are on the screen, “Float” to set speeds and leave them there, “Traditional” to use simple up/down sliders, and “Local sync” to connect to a partner’s toy when you’re in the same space.
  • “Music” syncs your toy with a playlist, and works with both locally stored music and various music apps.
  • “Long distance” allows you to connect with a partner from anywhere in the world. You can also hand over control of your toy to them, or sync their toy with yours. I don’t have a long distance partner right now, so I didn’t get to try this aspect for this Lovense Nora review, but in the past my experience with this function has been tremendously positive.
  • The “control link” function allows you to send anyone a link to control your toy for a limited amount of time. They won’t need to create an account to do so.
  • Under the “Discover” tab, you’ll find a whole array of other fun options. These range from “control roulette” (which pairs you anonymously with another user online) and “patterns” (which gives you access to patterns made by other users) through to interactive video content, games, and alarms (which pre-set your toy to start at a specific time.)

You can also sync your Nora with the Lovense Calor, Max 2, or another Nora. The toys will respond to one another’s movements over any distance. So that’s fun if you and your partner are apart but both have a Lovense toy. I particularly like that you can sync it with another Nora. The sex toy industry is painfully hetero, and sapphic/WLW relationships are often totally ignored. This feels like at least a small nod to remembering that we exist and we’re horny, too.

Verdict

Overall, the Lovense Nora is an excellent toy. Despite a few issues, I am happy to recommend it to anyone who enjoys dual stimulation toys, especially if you’re seeking a toy to use with a partner when you’re apart.

The Lovense Nora is available directly from Lovense as well as retailers such as Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney US, Shevibe, Babeland, Good Vibes, and Sex Toys UK.

Thanks to Lovense for sending me this product. This Lovense Nora review contains affiliate links which send me a small commission at no extra cost to you. All views are mine.

A couple walking along a beach. Title image for a post on exclusivity clauses in a non-exclusive relationship

Exclusivity Clauses in a Non-Exclusive Relationship [Polyamory Conversation Cards #14]

Published on by Amy

So you’re totally on board with this polyamory, non-monogamy, or other kind of non-exclusive relationship thing. Perhaps you and your partner have just recently opened up to polyamory. Perhaps you’ve decided to give solo polyamory a go, or perhaps you’ve been practicing for a long time. You think you’ve happily shed exclusivity, but then your partner does a particular thing they usually do with you—such as a sex act, kink, a date activity, or a romantic gesture—with another partner (or lets you know that they want to.) Bam, you’re madly jealous! That’s your thing, damnit!

Now most people, at this stage, will do one of two things:

  1. They’ll try to work through the feelings
  2. They’ll attempt to prevent their partner from doing that thing with that person (or perhaps with anyone else.)

Today we’re talking about the latter.

In case you missed it, this post is part of a series inspired by Odder Being’s Polyamory Conversation Cards. Once a week or as often as I can, I’ll pull a card at random and write a piece of content based on it. There will likely be some essays, advice pieces, personal experiences, rants, and more! You can read the whole series at the dedicated tag. And if you want to support my work and get occasional bonus content, head on over to my Patreon.

This week’s card asks:

“Is there anything that you’d prefer to keep exclusive between you and a specific partner?”

So today we’re going to talk about exclusivity rules, or exclusivity clauses, in polyamorous relationship agreements.

What Are Exclusivity Clauses in a Polyamorous, Open, or Non-Exclusive Relationship?

First, let’s clarify what I don’t mean. This post is not about polyfidelity (also known as a closed polyamorous relationship in which a group, polycule, or romantic network of three or more people agree to keep their relationship configuration closed to the possibility of new relationships.) That’s a different dynamic entirely and not one I feel particularly qualified to comment on at the moment.

Instead, we’re talking about polyamorous relationships that allow for the people in them to date and form relationships with new people.

Polyamory is, by definition, a non-exclusive relationship. However, that doesn’t mean absolutely every aspect of the relationship is non-exclusive. An exclusivity clause, then, is an agreement in which certain aspects of a relationship are reserved for one dyad (or, more rarely, for one triad, quad, or other group relationship.)

Most often, I see exclusivity clauses in polyamorous relationships fall into one of four categories:

  • Life sharing/escalator exclusivity (e.g. “you can only live with me,” or “you can only have children with me.”)
  • Sexual exclusivity (e.g. “don’t have sex with anyone else in my favourite position” or “you’re only allowed to have unbarriered sex with me.”) This can also include the subcategory of “kink exclusivity,” in which couples keep certain BDSM activities or dynamics to one relationship.
  • Romantic exclusivity (e.g. “don’t tell anyone else you love them” or “don’t call anyone else by my favourite pet name.”)
  • Activity exclusivity (e.g. “you can’t take vacations with anyone else” or “sushi is OUR thing.”

There is overlap, of course, and there may be exclusivity agreements I haven’t thought of that don’t fit into these categories. Overwhelmingly, though, these are the key patterns I have noticed.

Why Do People Seek These Clauses in Non-Exclusive Relationships?

When people ask me what I think of certain aspects of their polyamorous relationship agreements, what I find myself wanting to ask most often is “why?”

Why do you have or want that agreement? Why have you made that rule? And why do you feel so strongly about that specific thing? The answers, when we ask ourselves and each other these questions and dare to be honest about our answers, can be incredibly illuminating.

So why do people want exclusivity agreements in a fundamentally non-exclusive relationship?

Most often, the reason that people want exclusivity clauses in their polyamorous relationship agreements have to do with jealousy, insecurity, and needing to feel special. They might feel that the exclusivity of their romantic or sexual connection, kink dynamic, or shared activities is what makes the relationship special. These are all real, valid feelings that we all have from time to time. But is an exclusivity clause the best way to address them? Maybe, sometimes. Often, probably not.

In many cases, it is better to address the root cause of the jealousy or insecurity. Living happily in any kind of non-exclusive relationship requires this of all of us at least occasionally. You might find that it’s not about the actual thing your partner wants to do at all. You might be worried about losing specialness in the relationship (more on that in a minute), about being replaced, or about your partner enjoying that activity, sex act, or kink dynamic with someone else more than they enjoy it with you if you remove exclusivity from the equation.

In some cases, the desire for exclusivity clauses than come from a place other than jealousy or insecurity. For example, agreements around nesting exclusivity (“I live with this partner and we’ve agreed we don’t want to live with anyone else”) can help to create domestic safety and financial security for the partners as well as for children or other dependents.

They are sometimes also made necessary by choosing a certain style of polyamory. You can’t exactly live with multiple partners if you practice parallel polyamory, for example.

So before you go any further, get really honest with yourself and your partner(s). Why do you want exclusivity around that particular thing? What fear, emotion, unmet need, or relationship desire would that exclusivity meet?

Are Exclusivity Clauses Ever Ethically Okay in a Polyamorous or Non-Exclusive Relationship?

I’m going to give a cautious “yes, sometimes” to this one, with a lot of caveats.

As a general rule, I do not believe in restricting partners’ other relationships. However, I also don’t think it’s inherently wrong, toxic, or even hierarchical to carefully and with great consideration keep some things exclusive to a particular relationship.

Here’s a very quick litmus test you might want to use to determine if your exclusivity agreement is fair and reasonable or not:

  1. Is it narrow and specific, or broad and sweeping? (“Please don’t take other partners to the restaurant where you proposed to me” is different from “you can’t eat Italian food with anyone else.”) I’ll go into this in more detail below.
  2. Does the agreement place an undue hardship or limit on another relationship? (“Can this particular favourite vacation spot be a special place just for the two of us?” is unlikely to place such a hardship. “You’re not allowed to ever travel with anyone else” almost certainly does.)

In addition, consider whether exclusivity agreements are available to all your partners or just one. Ideally, you should be free to create special and unique things with all of your partners, not just a spouse, nesting partner, or “primary” (if you subscribe to hierarchy.)

Personally, I’m not necessarily opposed to creating limited and specific exclusivity clauses with partners around special and personal aspects of our relationships. But that possibility is available to anyone I’m in a relationship with, not just my nesting partner.

Exclusively Can Be Ethically Given or Negotiated, But Not Ethically Demanded

If you and one (or more) of your partners decide to keep something exclusive between the two of you within a non-exclusive relationship, I’m not going to tell you not to. However, it’s important that you come to these agreements mutually and from a place of equality. It is never okay to unilaterally place a rule or restriction on your partner(s) and metamour(s) without their input.

In other words, ask for what you want and need rather than making demands. You might find your partner is happy to give it to you. Or you might find that you can negotiate and meet the same need in a different way.

Exclusivity Might Help Less Than You Expect

You feel bad when your partner does that thing with someone else. So you’ll simply forbid them from doing that thing with anyone else! Problem solved, right?

Well, maybe not.

This seemingly obvious and intuitive answer to this problem often helps people less than they think it will. That’s because, as we’ve already discussed, difficult feelings such as jealousy, insecurity, envy, competitiveness, and fear of inadequacy aren’t usually rational. They don’t usually stem from the things that might initially seem to be their causes. Instead, they come from much deeper places—from personal fears and demons, past trauma or negative experiences, mononormative societal programming, and more.

This all means that simply instituting an exclusivity clause around a specific act or activity may not help you all that much. Because that particular thing might not be pressing your emotional button any more, but the button is still there. This means that it is only a matter of time before something else pushes it. And—assuming you want to be ethically, healthily, and happily polyamorous or in some kind of non-exclusive relationship—you cannot simply place new restrictions or exclusivity clauses every time something pushes an emotional button.

Your Specialness Comes From You, Not Acts or Activities

I understand the worry that, if your partner does the same activities or sex acts or goes to the same restaurants with other partners, you will lose your specialness.

However, your specialness to your partner actually comes from you. It does not come from the things you do, and it certainly cannot be diminished or taken away by the things they might or might not do with someone else. Exclusivity isn’t what makes your relationship, kink dynamic, or sexual connection special. You and the other person are what make those things special.

Think about something you love doing with your partner. Now imagine removing them from the situation and slotting someone else in instead. Does the activity feel the same with that other person? Of course it doesn’t. Because doing it with your partner is what makes it special.

Even if your partner goes to the same restaurants, does the same sex acts, and says the same loving words to both you and your metamour, the experience will be different with each of you. Because you are different people. There is something innately and beautifully empowering in realising that someone else cannot possibly be better than you at being you.

Finding Special Things That Don’t Restrict Others

I understand the need and desire for a sense of specialness in a non-exclusive relationship. It’s a need I hold very strongly myself. That’s why I think it’s totally okay—and even desirable—to have special things in a relationship. Some of those things might be exclusive to a particular relationship, by accident or by design.

Relationships don’t need to all look the same in order to be egalitarian. In practice, it would be deeply strange to attempt to make all your relationships look the same. I might find it a bit weird, for example, if a partner started taking me to all the places that were special to them and another partner. And I’d find it exceptionally strange if Partner B began asking to do things they’d never previously shown an interest in just because I’d done those things with Partner A.

The trick is to find and carve out special things with each of your partners. In good relationships, these will naturally emerge over time. There might be a special nickname you call them or a particular place you go together. A series you save to watch together, or sex toys or kink gear that retain exclusivity for the two of you. Inside jokes, funny anecdotes, and so on. All of these form part of the identity of your relationship, and keeping them exclusive likely feels natural and normal, creating no hardship in any of your other relationships.

Keep It Specific and Limited

In general, I advocate keeping your “exclusive things”, if you have them, quite narrow and specific. Think more “this particular event is a thing we do together whenever we can,” not “I need total exclusivity around kink nights/music festivals/costume parties so you must never attend them with anyone else.” More “baby is a nickname we call each other and won’t use with our other partners,” less “don’t tell anyone else you love them.”

The specificity of these “special things” is one of the most beautiful aspects of relationships, to me. Who cares if no-one else understands why we love that stupid TV show so much? Or if our friends don’t get why we crease up every time we hear that particular word or phrase? Or if our other partners think our mutual favourite food is gross? Those things are special because they are ours. Because we have co-created them together.

Once you start thinking about all the little things that make up the identity of a relationship, including a non-exclusive one, you start to realise how many unique and beautiful things you and each of your partners already has between you. Each of those things is a tile making up the wonderful and entirely unique mosaic of your connection.

Stay Flexible

Relationship agreements in polyamory (and really, in any relationship but particularly a non-exclusive relationship) are living, breathing, changing things. Therefore, it is important that you stay flexible and open to change. You or your partner may feel fine about an exclusivity clause right now, but want to change it later. A new lover or metamour might have strong feelings about it that need to be taken into consideration. This is not to say that you must change it, of course. But you should be prepared to at least keep lines of negotiation open.

You might also find that, as time passes, you no longer need the exclusivity clause. Perhaps the thing that felt intolerable earlier on in your journey now feels more comfortable, or at least acceptable. You might also choose to keep it long-term. That’s fine too as long as you do so ethically and fairly. Hopefully, whatever you choose, you’ll naturally find all kinds of beautiful and unique wonderfulness in each of your connections.

Two men looking at each other smiling, about to kiss. Text reads: am I ready to have sex by Tina Evans

[Guest Post] Am I Ready to Have Sex? Questions to Ask Yourself by Tina Evans

Published on by Amy

“Am I ready to have sex?” It’s a question many of us have probably asked ourselves at one time or another, whether we came to sexuality in our teens, 20s, 30s, or later in life. You might have also wondered if you’re ready to have sex in a particular way or with a particular person.

These are very personal questions, and no-one can answer them for you. We all know that virginity is a social construct, but having sex for the first time (or the 1000th!) can still be a big deal for many of us. I know it was for me! There are, though, questions you can ask yourself to help you figure out whether you’re ready or not. That’s what this guest post by Tina Evans is all about.

Tina offers tips for folks of any age, gender, or orientation who are considering having sex for the first time. I hope you find them useful!

Amy x

Am I Ready to Have Sex? Questions to Ask Yourself by Tina Evans

So you think you’re ready for sex?

It’s natural to feel a mix of excitement and nerves. Whether you’re 18, 35, 73 or any age in between, the basics of preparation for sex are pretty similar. It’s all about respect, understanding, and care for both you and your partner. What really matters is that you feel ready and confident in your decision, without any external pressure, and that everything is consensual and respectful.

Whether you’re ready to explore your sexuality early or wait until later to have sex, your choice is completely valid. It’s important to honor your feelings and move at your own pace. Embracing your own timeline can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling experiences that truly match your values and readiness.

In this post, we will consider some of the different aspects of readiness for sex and invite you to ask yourself some important questions.

Are You Ready to Have Sex? Emotional Considerations

Understanding Your Motivations

Reflecting on your motivations is crucial. Are you seeking to express love, explore pleasure, or deepen a connection, or are you feeling pressured by peers, media, or your partner? It’s important to ensure that your desire for sex comes from a place of genuine interest and feeling truly ready rather than external influences.

Ask yourself:

  • Am I doing this because I genuinely want to?
  • Am I trying to meet someone else’s expectations?
  • Am I trying to fit in with friends or societal norms?

Comfort with Your Body

Being comfortable with your body means accepting and understanding your physical self. This includes being familiar with your own anatomy, knowing what feels good for you (which you can learn about through self-touch), and being able to communicate this to your partner. It’s also about body confidence—feeling good about how you look and embracing your body is a vital part of being ready for sex.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I know what I like and dislike sexually?
  • Am I comfortable being naked in front of someone else?
  • Do I feel positive about my body and its sensations?

Emotional Stability

Sex can trigger a range of emotions, from joy and excitement to vulnerability and anxiety. It’s important to be in a stable emotional state where you’re ready to handle the emotions sex can bring up. Emotional stability also means being able to process and discuss any feelings that arise afterward, whether they are positive or negative.

Ask yourself:

  • Am I generally emotionally balanced and secure?
  • Can I handle potential emotional ups and downs?
  • Am I prepared to discuss my feelings openly with my partner?

Understanding and Being Ready to Handle Consequences

Sex has potential emotional, physical, and relational consequences. Being mature enough to understand and deal with these consequences is key to readiness. This includes being prepared for the responsibilities of contraception, the risk of STIs, and the emotional impact of sexual intimacy.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I understand the potential risks involved in sex and am I ready to manage them?
  • Am I prepared to take responsibility for contraception and STI prevention?
  • Can I handle the possible emotional outcomes?

Open Communication

Being able to discuss your feelings, desires, and boundaries openly and honestly with your partner is essential in getting ready to have sex. Honest communication ensures mutual understanding and respect, and it helps build a foundation of trust. This means having conversations about what you’re comfortable with, what you’re curious about, and what your boundaries are.

Ask yourself:

  • Can I talk openly with my partner about sex?
  • Do we have mutual respect and understanding?
  • Are we comfortable discussing our boundaries and desires?

Consent must be clear, informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing. Both you and your partner should freely agree to the sexual activity without any coercion or pressure. Consent is about mutual agreement and respect for each other’s boundaries and comfort levels.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I fully understand what consent means?
  • Am I ready to give and receive enthusiastic consent to sex?
  • Do I respect my partner’s right to withdraw consent at any time?

Are You Ready for Sex? Physical Considerations

Safer Sex Practices

Safer sex is essential to protect yourself and your partner from STIs and unintended pregnancies, and understanding the basics of safer sex is part of getting ready to have sex. Practicing safer sex might involve using condoms, using other barriers such as dental dams and gloves, discussing contraception options, and getting tested for STIs. It’s important to have this knowledge and to be prepared to implement it.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I know how to safely use condoms and other forms of contraception?
  • Have I discussed STI testing with my partner?
  • Am I committed to practicing safer sex every time?

Comfort with the Setting

The environment where you have sex should feel safe and comfortable. This helps reduce anxiety and create a positive experience. It should be a private space where you feel secure and relaxed, free from interruptions and distractions.

Ask yourself:

  • Is the location private and comfortable?
  • Do I feel safe and relaxed in this setting?
  • Have I made sure there will be no interruptions?

Personal Considerations in Deciding If You’re Ready to Have Sex

No Pressure

Your decision to have sex should be entirely your own, without any external pressure from partners, friends, or societal expectations. It’s important to make this choice based on your own readiness and desire, not because you feel you should or need to.

Ask yourself:

  • Am I making this decision for myself?
  • Do I feel pressured by anyone to have sex?
  • Am I confident in my own desire to have sex?

Positive Feelings

You should feel positive and excited about the prospect of having sex, rather than anxious or uncertain. It’s normal to feel a bit nervous, but the overall feeling should be one of anticipation and readiness.

Ask yourself:

  • Am I more excited than nervous about having sex?
  • Do I have positive feelings about the potential experience?
  • Is my excitement outweighing any anxiety?

Support System

Having a support system of trusted friends, family, or mentors can provide valuable guidance and reassurance. They can offer a safe space to discuss your feelings and any questions you might have, and they can help you navigate this new experience with confidence.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I have people I can talk to about my feelings and questions?
  • Can I rely on my support system for guidance and reassurance?
  • Do I feel supported in my decisions?

Am I Ready to Have Sex? Further Self-Reflection Questions

Here are some expanded questions for self-reflection to help determine if you are ready:

Why do I want to have sex and what makes me feel like I’m ready?

Ensure your motivations are based on your own desires and readiness, not external pressures.

Do I feel pressured in any way?

Reflect on whether you’re feeling any pressure from your partner, peers, or societal norms.

Do I feel emotionally ready and stable?

Assess your emotional state and readiness to manage the potential emotional impact of sex.

Am I ready to discuss sex, desires, and boundaries with my partner?

Ensure you can have open, honest conversations about your boundaries, desires, and consent.

Make sure you have a clear understanding of consent and the practices of safe sex.

Am I ready for the possible emotional and physical consequences of sex?

Be ready to handle the potential emotional and physical outcomes of sexual activity.

Ultimately, “am I ready to have sex?” is a question only you can answer. Deciding when you’re ready for your first sexual experience is a deeply personal choice that involves introspection and self-awareness. It’s essential to feel confident and secure in your decision, ensuring that it aligns with your genuine desires and readiness.

This journey is unique for everyone, and there’s no right or wrong timeline. Embrace your individuality, prioritise your comfort and well-being, and respect your own pace. When the time feels right for you, approach the experience with an open heart and mind, fostering a positive and meaningful connection with your partner.

The act of experiencing sex for the first time can be as big a deal as you want it to be. For me, it was something I chose to get over and done with. I didn’t think about if I was ready to have sex, I didn’t prepare myself. And while I wouldn’t go back and change any of my life experiences, I would have liked to be more prepared emotionally.

About Tina, writer of Am I Ready to Have Sex?

I’m a cynical yet hopelessly hopeful romantic. I fell in love with reading as a child who wrote poetry as an angst filled teenager. As an adult, I’ve immersed myself in all genres of romance fiction but I enjoy the occasional biography and psychological thriller too. I currently write contemporary romance with a feminist edge, featuring relatable characters and situations. When I’m not writing, I can be found spoiling my fur family, trying to bake the perfect loaf of bread, or ignoring all my adult problems by losing myself in a good book.

Green sparkles falling down a black background. Header image for Mr Hankey's Toys Perfect Penis review

[Toy Review] Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis

Published on by Amy

I arrived home to find my shipment of products from Mr Hankey’s Toys waiting for me (discreetly packaged) on my doorstep. My first thought when I picked up the box was “bloody hell, these things are heavy!” When I opened the box, I understood why, as I was greeted by three gigantic hunks of silicone. This is the first of the three.

I requested the Mr Hankey’s Perfect Penis in the medium, which is the second smallest available size for this toy, because I am not a size queen by any stretch of the imagination. I’d read the dimensions, but apparently hadn’t fully grasped the meaning of them. So imagine my expression when I realised that:

  1. This thing is the size of my fucking forearm.
  2. I cannot get my entire hand around its shaft.
  3. This is only the second of four sizes.

Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis: Details

Mr Hankey's Toys Perfect Penis green silicone dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis in medium measures just under 11″ in total length and around 8″ in insertable length, with a circumference of 7″ (that’s a diameter of 2.2″.) There are various customisation options available for this toy. You can choose your size and level of firmness, whether or not to add a vac-u-lock hole, as well as a colour and colour effect.

As its name implies, the idea of this toy is that it is as close to a “perfect penis” as one can get. Mr Hankey’s Toys used AI to analyse an array of studies on preferred penis sizes and dimensions and create a range of dildos offering “the perfect balance of length and width.” The result is a realistic toy that includes a pronounced head, detailing such as a foreskin and frenulum, a textured shaft with veins, and realistic balls.

I can’t say I’ve ever had particularly strong opinions about penises, or indeed about what makes one perfect. I tend to be far more interested in the humans they’re attached to, and the actual shape and size of them is of far less interest to me. And, of course, what makes a body part perfect is inherently a subjective and personal question. Still, it was interesting to see this toy, the result of extensive analysis of folks’ penis preferences.

The Perfect Penis is made from body-safe matte silicone. I ordered mine in metallic green, just because I like green and I like unusual colours for my sex toys sometimes.

What I Like About the Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis

Mr Hankey's Toys Perfect Penis green silicone dildo

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis is, objectively and by all measures, an excellent dildo.

I chose the 75% soft, which is the second softest of four available options. According to the company, this mimics a bio penis that is at around 75-80% erect. This was definitely the right choice. I enjoy firm toys sometimes, but for this kind of size, a soft and squishy texture was definitely called for. It’s great that you can customise the toy’s firmness to your preferences. For me, being able to go for a softer and more flexible option made this toy far more useable and enjoyable.

I also particularly like the pronounced head and the additional stimulation it offers as you insert the toy.

The Mr Hankey’s Perfect Penis dildo’s matte silicone gives it a fairly lifelike skin texture, and the overall realistic detailing on the toy is excellent. Of course, you can choose one of the flesh tones available if you want to make your toy even more realistic. I prefer bright colours that don’t resemble actual dicks, but your mileage may vary.

Using this toy is a challenge for me, though it certainly won’t be for everyone. I generally prefer girth over length for insertables, because anything hitting my cervix is painful, so it works best when I use just the first three inches or so of the toy’s shaft. Even then, plenty of warmup and tonnes of lube is essential.

Because it’s so bottom-heavy, this toy actually stays put in an upright position very well by itself. So if putting it down on a firm surface and using it hands-free is your thing, you can do that.

Also thanks to this base, the Perfect Penis is anal-safe. I, however, am not that brave so I did not attempt this.

If you decide to try giant dildos like this one, remember to take things slowly and use even more lube than you think you really need. I’m going to write a piece on safely and comfortably using very large toys soon, so look out for that. In the meantime, taking your time and listening to your body are the most important things you can do.

Anything I Didn’t Like About This Mr Hankey’s Toy?

Mr Hankey's Toys Perfect Penis green silicone dildo

My only real difficulty with the Perfect Penis was its weight. Because it’s a giant piece of solid silicone, it’s got some serious weight to it. This is something you’ll want to be aware of if holding and manipulating heavy toys is difficult for you.

The only other downside is that I can’t use it for strap-on sex. The balls and base are far too big to make it harness-compatible. I suspect their might be a market for a body-safe, strap-on-friendly toy of these dimensions, though. Other reviewers have noted that the Perfect Penis in size small is great for strap-on play.

It’s also worth noting that the Mr Hankey’s Perfect Penis toy’s silicone is very matte and quite grabby. This isn’t really a complaint as such, but it makes plenty of lube even more essential.

This is admittedly a small gripe, but I didn’t love that the toys came shrink-wrapped in single-use plastic. I understand this might be for hygiene reasons, but silicone is so easy to sterilise and I always recommend cleaning a toy thoroughly before you use it for the first time anyway. Reusable storage bags, or ditching the individual packaging entirely, would be more eco-friendly.

Verdict

Readers often ask me for recommendations for very large dildos, and I sometimes struggle to know what to suggest. Many companies offering huge toys make them out of unsafe and porous materials to save money. So I am pleased to have somewhere to point size lovers looking for quality and body-safe products.

As for me? The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis is definitely going to be a “once in a while”, not a “reliable staple”. But those can be fun too!

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Perfect Penis starts from $125.95 for the small size in a single colour, with prices going up as you move up the sizes and add customisations. But if size and more size is what you desire, you can’t go far wrong with this one.

Thanks to Mr Hankey’s Toys for sponsoring this review. This means they paid me to write a fair and honest review. All views and experiences are, as always, my own.