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So You Want to Find a Unicorn?

Published on May 6, 2023March 21, 2026 by Amy

Spend ten seconds on any polyamory forum or Facebook group, and this issue will come up. “We’re a couple, she’s bi and he’s straight, and we’re looking for a unicorn to join our relationship!” (The hapless couple might also refer to the unicorn they’re looking for as “a third” or, even worse, “a female.”) The community, particularly people who have been doing this for a long time, have little patience for this phenomenon. Commenters may be fairly harsh towards the couple in question. And I get it! I too roll my eyes every time I see yet another iteration of this. But why is unicorn hunting bad?

Yelling at and berating unicorn hunters doesn’t help to educate them. It just turns them off and, often, causes them to double down. So I thought I’d address this issue in depth here. What is this “unicorn hunting” thing all about, why is it problematic, and what options do you have instead?

What is Unicorn Hunting, Anyway?

A “unicorn”, in polyamory[1], is a woman[2] who is willing to join a pre-existing couple to form a triad[3] relationship. It is usually understood that the relationship will be closed (i.e. no additional partners outside the triad) and that the unicorn will be expected to conform to an array of rules that the couple determined ahead of time with no input from her.

The reason this phenomenon is called “unicorn hunting” is that it’s typically so hard to find this person that she might as well be a mythological creature.

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[1] In swinging, the term is sometimes used more broadly to refer to single women who are willing to play sexually with couples. That’s not what we’re talking about here.

[2] There is some debate in the community over whether there is any such thing as a male unicorn. Some believe there is, others believe that couples looking for unicorns is a strictly gendered phenomenon. I have seen a male unicorn be referred to as a “Pegasus” or a “Dragon”, but these terms don’t seem to have caught on very widely. In this post, I will sometimes use “she/her” pronouns to refer to unicorns as that is by far the most common iteration of this trope. However, the advice here and the bad things about unicorn hunting apply no matter the genders of the couple or the incoming partner.

[3] Three-person romantic relationship, also sometimes called a “throuple.”

**Before We Talk About Why Unicorn Hunting Is Bad, Let’s Establish Who I’m Not Talking About**

This post is not about everyone in a three-person relationship or triad.

Did you have two partners, who then met and also happened to fall for each other? Or maybe you were one of two partners to a hinge person, then you also fell for your metamour. Perhaps you and your partner made a friend or started a casual sexual relationship with a lovely someone, and romantic feelings developed between all three of you. Or possibly you’re just theoretically open to the idea of a triad if the right person/people come along.

If any of these situations, or something like them, match yours then I am not talking to you. Your situation (or hypothetical situation) is what I’d call an organically formed triad. There’s nothing whatsoever wrong with those!

If, however, you’re a couple who has recently (or not so recently) opened up your relationship and decided that looking for a unicorn—a bisexual woman to form a closed triad with you both—is what you want, I’m talking to you. I’m going to be as kind as I can. But I’m also going to say some things you might not want to hear. I gently challenge you to make it to the end of this breakdown of the bad things about unicorn hunting with an open mind. Then consider whether you think I make any good points.

The purpose of this post is to educate and encourage you to think more critically about this dynamic. It is not to berate you, scold you, or push you away from the polyamorous community.

Why Do You Want This Specific Dynamic?

I have often asked couples trying to find a unicorn why they are looking for this set-up in particular. I have rarely received satisfactory answers. So before you go any further, if you’re a couple looking for a unicorn, please ask yourselves this question and really interrogate it. Why can’t you date separately, if polyamory is what you want? Why don’t you try swinging instead if casual sexual experiences together are your priority? What is it specifically about a closed, three-way relationship with a bisexual woman that appeals to you so much?

“It’s just what we want!” isn’t an answer, by the way.

Let’s address some of the common answers I see to this question, and my responses to them.

“My wife is bisexual and wants to try being with a woman.” Okay, this desire can be addressed either by swinging/casual sex or by her dating women separately.
“My husband says other women only, no men.” This is called a One Penis Policy (OPP). It has so many issues that I’m going to write another entire post about it. In the meantime, read this.
“If my partner is dating someone else separately, what am I getting out of it!?”. I mean… seeing your partner happy? Supporting their joy, pleasure, and exploration? The opportunity to also date people separately yourself? Viewing non-monogamy simply through the lens of “what’s in it for me?” is unlikely to lead to happiness. It can lead to seeing your partner’s other relationships as commodities for your consumption.
“I’d be too jealous if my partner were dating someone separately/my partner would be too jealous if I dated separately.” Oh my sweet summer child. Virtually every polyamory newbie ever has made this mistake, including me back in the day! Dating together is not a cure for jealousy, which can (and likely will) absolutely crop up in a triad or other group relationship. Also, jealousy is a normal human emotion to be felt, processed, communicated about, dealt with, or just sat with until it passes. It’s not the enemy.
“I don’t feel safe dating without my partner/my partner doesn’t feel safe dating without me.” You may need to do some work on regaining independence, which is absolutely possible from within a relationship. It is healthy to be able to do some things separately! There are also healthy ways to keep yourself physically, emotionally, and sexually safe while dating, but doing everything together at all times isn’t one of them.

Whatever your reasons for unicorn hunting, you are likely to find that there are better and healthier ways of addressing those needs and desires.

What’s So Bad About Unicorn Hunting Anyway?

“That’s all well and good, Amy,” hopeful couples might be saying right now, “but we’re determined to keep looking for our unicorn and we’re willing to wait if necessary! What’s wrong with what we want? Isn’t this community supposed to be open minded!?”

I hear you. It’s not nice to be told that what you’re looking for is a problem. However, the reason experienced polyamorous people are wary of unicorn hunting is that we’re all too aware of all the ways it can go wrong. Many of us have learned from very bitter personal experience, on one side or the other of this equation.

So let’s look at a few specific things that are problematic about unicorn hunting.

Unicorn Hunting is Bad Because It Dehumanises Bi Women

Bisexual women are already aggressively and often non-consensually sexualised by society. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve mentioned being bi and someone has either said “that’s hot!” or asked if I’ll have a threesome with them and their partner.

Unicorn hunting reduces bi women to a highly sexualised monolith. The reality is that we fall all over the sexuality spectrum. Some of us are very sexual, some of us are demisexual, some of us are asexual. Some of us are into threesomes, group sex, and group dating, while others are not. And yes, plenty of us are actually monogamous!

What bisexual women are not, though, is sex toys designed to spice up the bedrooms of bored couples. The idealisation of the MFF closed triad directly stems from the male gaze, the hyper-sexualisation of bi women, and the trope that sapphic love and sex exists for male consumption.

I’m a pretty sexual person. I love sex, and I love folks of multiple genders. I also love group sex, threesomes, moresomes, and all that goodness when they’re in the context of a trusted dynamic with people I like. What I DON’T love is the assumption that I am available to couples in general, or the feeling that my being bisexual and having a vagina are the only reasons someone is approaching me. I’m a person, not your “two hot bi babes” fantasy.

A Person Cannot “Join” an Existing Relationship

A triad isn’t a single relationship. A triad is actually four relationships: three dyads (A+B, A+C, B+C) and the relationship between all three people. Seven relationships, if you count the relationship each person has with themself. (Which you probably should, because self-care and a stable relationship with yourself are even more important in non-monogamy.)

So an additional person cannot meaningfully “join” an existing relationship. If you’re in a relationship or married, you and your partner/spouse have a dyadic relationship that you’ve been building for however many years. That relationship will continue, though it will undoubtedly be changed, when you date other people either together or separately.

In the context of a triad, you will each be creating a new dyadic relationship with your new partner. You’ll also be contending with shifts and changes in your dyadic relationship with one another. And, of course, you’ll be creating a brand new relationship between all three of you. See how that’s much harder than just fitting someone into a vaguely person-shaped box labelled “insert bi gal here”?

Viewing the incoming partner as an “addition” to your relationship will not lead anywhere good for any of you. Treating them as an add-on can leave incoming partners feeling like little more than accessories or human sex toys. Which leads me on to…

You Can’t Expect Someone to Feel Exactly the Same Way About Two People

All the successful triad relationships I know have a few things in common, and this is one of them: they allowed, and continue to allow, the individual relationships within the triad to develop, fluctuate, change, and grow at their own natural pace. People don’t fall in love with two people at the same rate, in the same way, at the same time. Human emotions simply don’t work like that. To be in a triad, you have to be comfortable with the fact that each dyadic relationship within it will look different.

Another question I see a lot in polyamorous forums is a variation of this: “Help! We formed a triad but now it seems like our girlfriend is connecting with my wife more than me!”

In an ethical, organically formed triad, this difference in connection needs to be okay. You might have challenging feelings about it, of course. That’s normal. You may need to seek reassurance and extra affection from one or both of your partners. You may even need to renegotiate some aspects of your relationship. In a unicorn situation, this disparity in levels of connection – which is incredibly normal – can be enough to get the newer partner ejected from the relationship.

In addition, an ethical triad allows for the possibility that one (or more) of the dyadic relationships may have conflict, deescalate, or even end… without any expectations that other dyadic connections need to end as a result. If you have a rule that says your partner must date you in order to date your spouse, this leaves them a spectacularly shitty choice if they just don’t feel that way about you or if your relationship is no longer working: fake a connection to you that they do not feel, or lose their relationship with your spouse, i.e. someone they love.

Do you see how unfair that is? Do you also see how it lays the groundwork for coercion, abuse, or even sexual violence? I don’t know about you, but I would be horrified if I realised someone was having sex with me that they didn’t want, just because they thought it was the price of admission to get access to my partner.

Unicorn Hunting Is Bad Because It Centres the Couple

Unicorn hunting typically centres the original couple, even without intending to, by putting their desires and needs front and centre. Often, they’ve made the rules before a third party has even entered the picture, giving her no say in their creation. This means that the unicorn is seen as an add-on to the couple’s relationship, rather than an equal partner.

The couple often expect – even tacitly – the new partner to prioritise their needs and wants above her own. They also tend to expect that, in the event of conflict, their relationship will be the one prioritised. This is often the case even when the couple pays lip service to their new partner being “totally equal.”

The result? Once again, the newer partner ends up feeling like an accessory rather than a human being.

Think about some of the ways you’d like your relationship to look if you did successfully find a unicorn, or the rules you’d want her to follow. Will you permit her to have dates, sex, and so on with one of you without the other present? If not, will you also be refraining from any one-to-one intimacy with each other? (The answer to this is often “no” and “no”. That is, by definition, not an equal set-up.) If things go swimmingly, will you want your unicorn to move into your home? Would you ever consider moving into hers, or buying a new place all together? Will you introduce her to your family and friends, bring her home for the holidays, or tell your work colleagues about her?

When you start checking your assumptions about how your dream triad relationship will go, you might find that there’s a lot of inequality baked in. That’s because unicorn hunting is almost always couple-centric. Relationships that spring from unicorn hunting involve three people, but tend to only benefit two of them.

Most Polyamorous People Don’t Want Closed Relationships

There are exceptions, of course. Polyfidelity is a thing and can be valid! But the vast majority of polyamorous people are polyamorous, at least in part, because it enables them to be open to new connections of all kinds that may come into their lives.

If you’re seeking a closed relationship with your hypothetical unicorn, I invite you to consider why that is. Most answers will fall into one of two categories.

“I/we would be too jealous if our girlfriend was with anyone else.” Again, jealousy is a real feeling and it can be overwhelming. However, if you want to be non-monogamous, you can’t simply avoid it by setting up rules and restrictions for your partners. At least not if you want happy and healthy relationships.

If you’re not ready to confront and handle jealousy when it arises, you’re not ready to be non-monogamous. It won’t always be easy. Sometimes it’ll utterly suck. But it is necessary if you want to live this life. It is spectacularly unfair to ask a polyamorous person to cut off their chances to enjoy other connections just because you are trying to avoid a difficult feeling.

“I am/we are worried about STIs.” I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t worry about sexual health. If you’re non-monogamous, it’s absolutely something with which you need to concern yourself. However, having a closed relationship is not the only way to protect your sexual health. Everyone in your polycule and wider sexual/romantic network should be getting regular STI tests. You should all be communicating openly about barrier usage or lack thereof and incorporating risk-aware practices.

Often, when I hear “we want a closed relationship because we don’t want STIs”, what’s at the root of it is actually just good old-fashioned slut-shaming. Did you know that consensually non-monogamous people actually have lower STI rates than supposedly-monogamous people who cheat (which is a huge percentage)? They are also more likely to use barriers and to practice regular testing. (Source: Dr Justin Lehmiller in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.)

Ultimately, you have to be okay with some risk of contracting an STI if you are going to be non-monogamous… or if you’re going to have sex at all. No prevention mechanism is bombproof. People lie, people cheat, and people make mistakes in the heat of the moment. You can mitigate the risk but you cannot entirely eliminate it.

If you want a closed relationship, stay monogamous or date other people for whom polyfidelity is their ideal choice. Don’t try to push people who would prefer an open dynamic into a closed one. Polyamory isn’t just monogamy with an additional person.

It’s Just Statistically Unlikely

Back in the days of Livejournal, Emanix wrote this article outlining some of the numbers involved in unicorn hunting. Not being a numbers person, I have no idea how mathematically sound this is, but the message is clear. Unicorn hunting is damn hard, with seeking couples outnumbering interested bi women by 100 to 1[4]. There’s a reason couples sometimes pop up complaining that they’ve been looking for a year, five years, ten years, and still haven’t found their “one.”

Remember: we call these people unicorns because it is so hard to find one that they might as well not exist!

[4] I pulled this number out of the air. I have no idea what the actual figures are. But suffice to say that if you’re a couple looking for a unicorn, the odds are hugely stacked against you.

You’re Probably Not the Exception

“We’re not like that!” you might be saying. “We’ll be different! We’ll treat our unicorn like a queen!”

I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably not the exception. This is because the inequalities, objectification, and mistreatment that make unicorn hunting so problematic are baked into the very structure.

The assumptions, beliefs, and practices that underpin a couple looking for a unicorn come from a place that causes harm. The only way to unicorn hunt ethically is not to do it.

So What Can You Do Instead?

If you’ve got this far and you’re still with me, great! So you want to be non-monogamous and you want to be ethical about it. Amazing! So what now?

Luckily, there are loads of ways you can enjoy consensual non-monogamy as a couple without looking for a unicorn. Here are just a few for you to consider.

If your priority is enjoying sexual variety and you want to do this together, try swinging. This enables you to enjoy different bodies, different kinks, and fun experiences together with other people who want the same. Many swingers do form friendships with their playmates, and sometimes these connections can turn romantic. Be clear about what you want and can offer upfront, look for others whose desires match, and you’ll minimise the chances of hurting someone.

If you want to build more romantic connections with other people, try dating separately. It might be more emotionally challenging, but it’s also tremendously rewarding. You’ll have far more luck finding dates, particularly with experienced and skilled polyamorous people. When you free yourselves and your prospective partners from restrictive expectations, you’ll allow things to flourish naturally. You’ll also most likely treat other people, each other, and yourselves better.

It’s also important to make sure you’re not using “dating separately” as a way of looking for a unicorn without seeming to be looking for one. Presenting yourself as available for solo dating, only to spring your partner on your unsuspecting date with a view to getting them together too, is not ethical.

Like the idea of both these relationship styles? Yes, you can be both polyamorous and a swinger! Plenty of people do both, or a mix of the two. There’s not even always a strict delineation. Polyam people can have casual sex, and swingers can have deep and romantic attachments. Non-monogamy is a spectrum and a world of options to choose from. It’s not a set of rigid boxes into which you have to cram yourselves.

There’s even the possibility that you can have a triad relationship without falling prey to these pitfalls and hurting someone. Plenty of people do. “No unicorn hunting” isn’t the same thing as “no triads.” But it won’t happen for you by going out with a laundry list of criteria and looking for a bi woman to be your unicorn as a couple. If it happens, it’ll happen organically while you are out there doing your non-monogamous thing.

And if not? There are numerous other wonderful, fulfilling, and healthy ways to enjoy this thing we call non-monogamy.

[Toy Review] Womanizer OG Pleasure Air G-Spot Stimulator

Published on April 24, 2023March 10, 2026 by Amy

Every now and then, I will encounter a sex toy that leaves me scratching my head in a “I don’t really know what this is” sort of way. The new Womanizer OG Gspot stimulator, which I received to review this week, is one such product.

I find the concept of this toy confusing, and the execution even more so.

Womanizer OG GSpot Stimulator: Details

This new toy from Womanizer (purveyers of some of my absolute faves in the clitoral suction toys space) looks like a traditional G-spot vibrator at first glance. It measures 9″ in total length, with a generous curve, and 1.4″ in diameter at the widest point.

The Womanizer OG is made of smooth and body-safe silicone, and available in 3 colours: lilac, aubergine, or dark grey. I received the lilac, and it’s genuinely very pretty. It’s also the exact colour my hair goes when the dye has almost but not entirely faded out, which is pleasing.

This toy is waterproof and rechargeable, with a runtime of about 2 hours on a full charge. The Womanizer OG is also equipped with Smart Silence technology, meaning that the suction function will only switch on when it is in contact with the body. This helps to preserve the battery and is also a useful function if discretion matters to you.

Womanizer OG Review: Suction… Inside?

I love clitoral suction toys; I own a lot of them, and use them regularly. I also own a G-spot, and like to have it stimulated sometimes. But the combination of these two things has led to a concept that has me confused: a suction toy for the G-spot? Why?

I don’t know about you, but I have never had the desire to have my G-spot sucked. (Side note: is it just me or does “I will suck on your G-spot” sound like something a Fetlife rando who doesn’t actually understand how bodies work would drop into the inbox of an unsuspecting sub?)

Despite my reservations, I was curious. Perhaps I would be truly surprised, awed, and blown away by this new innovation in pleasure technology. Reader, I was not. I lubed the toy up and slid it into place, then spent some time slowly cycling through all of the 12 intensity levels. (Another small complaint: the buttons are small and hard to push.)

Womanizer OG review picture of toy's buttons

The result can best be described as “nothing” followed by “why?”. When I eventually managed to get the suction nozzle positioned over my G-spot, I found the sucking sensation little more than mildly annoying on the lower levels, and distinctly uncomfortable on the higher settings. I like a little “ouch” with my sex sometimes, but I usually want that to be inflicted by a cute Top, not by my vibrator!

Is it Better as a Clitoral Toy?

By this point in this Womanizer OG reviewing endeavour, I had established that I do not enjoy having my Gspot suctioned. (Sentences I did not expect to write today…)

I do, however, like using suction toys on my clit. So naturally I tried to use the Womanizer OG in that way instead. Unfortunately, it wasn’t too effective there, either. Perhaps due to the shape and size of the nozzle, it was almost impossible to get a decent seal around my clit.

Pro tip: you’ll want to turn Smart Silence off for this (do so by holding down the + and – buttons at the same time for 3 seconds.) When Smart Silence was on, the poor seal meant that the toy kept switching itself off when I was trying to use it!

It’s also loud in a really annoying way – the sound at the higher levels can best be described as “rattly” – and an ergonomic nightmare when used externally. So no, I do not think I’ll be using this one clitorally again.

What About the Vibration Function?

You can use your Womanizer OG with or without the accompanying vibrations. There are 3 constant vibration speeds, controllable through a single button. This button, like the others, is annoyingly fiddly and hard to press.

The vibrations themselves are lacklustre. They are weak and buzzy, as though they were clearly added as an afterthought. This toy is pitched at the “luxury” end of the market, and there’s really no excuse for shitty motors and buzzy vibrations at this price point.

To give credit where credit is due, as I try to do in all my reviews, the Womanizer OG’s curved shape is excellent. Its flexible shaft also makes it easy to position comfortably. But “it makes an okay G-spot dildo” is not the best thing I expect to be able to say about a £180 toy!

Womanizer OG Review: Verdict

This one’s a miss from me. The suction sensation on my G-spot was utterly unenjoyable, and it didn’t fare any better as a clitoral suction toy. Without the suction, it’s just a basic G-spot vibrator (that costs £180!). And it’s a kinda meh, buzzy one at that.

As always, take my review as what it is: one person’s experience. This toy has had a lot of great reviews, so your mileage may vary if you decide to try it.

The Womanizer OG is available from retailers including Lovehoney UK*, Lovehoney US*, Shevibe, Good Vibes, Babeland, Womanizer Europe and Womanizer North America.

[*] Use code “AFF-COFFKINK10” to get 10% off any Lovehoney purchase

Thanks to Womanizer for sending me the OG Gspot stimulator to review. All opinions are, as always, my own! Affiliate links appear in this post. If you use them to make a purchase, I make a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Naming My Sexuality: What is Sapphic?

Published on April 18, 2023April 2, 2026 by Amy

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the words I use to describe my sexuality. I started identifying as bisexual when I was 17, having always experienced attraction to folks of different genders. But in recent years, this term has felt less and less adequate to describe an expansive and often confusing identity. As I’ve tried on different terms for my sexuality, the one that feels increasingly right is “sapphic.” Let’s talk about the definition of this lesser-known LGBTQ+ term and what it means to be sapphic.

Am I Still Bisexual? Yes… and No

I’ve always liked the term “bisexual” and proudly claimed it for a number of reasons:

It feels extremely important to claim a label that people often dismiss as “not really queer” or “queer lite”, despite being literally the third letter in LGBTQIA+.
It’s an easy shorthand that most people outside of the LGBTQIA+ community have at least some understanding of.
Claiming an expansive definition of bisexuality (“attraction to two or more genders”) is important in pushing back against the false narrative that bisexuals only fancy cis people or that bisexuality is a trans-exclusionary sexuality. (They don’t and it’s not.)

So now I’ve started defining my sexuality as sapphic, am I also still bisexual? Yes and no. I’d say that I still identify as under the bi+ umbrella, given that I’m neither a 0 nor a 6 on the Kinsey Scale (“exclusively heterosexual” or “exclusively homosexual”, respectively.) Taken on its own, though, I haven’t been finding the label “bisexual” entirely accurate or sufficient to describe my reality.

Sapphic Sexuality Definition: An Expensive LGBTQ+ Identity?

So what is sapphic?

The official definition of sapphic is an LGBTQ+ term “relating to sexual attraction or activity between women” (Oxford Languages.) As a sexual orientation or identity, the LGBTQIA+ Wiki defines sapphic sexuality as referring “to a woman or woman-aligned person of any sexual orientation who is attracted to other women and/or women-aligned individuals.”

Fun fact: the term “sapphic” derives from the name of Sappho, an Archaic Greek poet who lived circa 630-570 BCE and whose work described erotic desire and romantic love between women. The word “lesbian” comes from Lesbos, the island where Sappho lived.

Why Identify My Sexuality as Sapphic?

As I said, I’ve played around with a lot of sexuality labels over the years and particularly over the last few months. Though I’m definitely somewhere on the bi+ spectrum, I’m also definitely not a Kinsey 3 (i.e. bang in the middle of the spectrum between exclusively gay and exclusively straight.)

I’m probably somewhere between a Kinsey 5 and a 5.5. That is, much more frequently attracted to people with similar gender identities and presentations to mine (i.e. women, femmes, and women-aligned folks) than to those with very different identities and presentations (i.e. men, male-aligned, and masc-of-centre folks.)

In truth, if I could name 100 people I found attractive right now, at least 95 of them would be women, femmes, or women-aligned. The men in my romantic life are wonderful (and it’s really “man”, singular, these days). But they’re also increasingly rare exceptions.

Sapphic as a Reclamation of Queer Visibility

Sapphic is an umbrella term for many different ways of being within queer sexuality. It can encompass people who identify as lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, queer, and in various other ways. What I love the most about this particular label is that it doesn’t necessarily mean exclusive attraction to women (in the way that the term “lesbian” is often assumed to, though even this is complicated. Bisexual lesbians exist!) It does, however, centre that attraction.

As a woman and as a femme, most of the world would conceive my sexuality primarily in relation to men. Specifically, the assumption is that I will be exclusively or primarily attracted to them and that, even when I am not, my interest in other women will be performed in a way that centres men. In fact, one of the most common biphobic and lesbophobic tropes is that queer women’s sexuality primarily exists for the titillation and enjoyment of men. (See “can I watch?” and “that’s hot” and “so if you’re bi, can we have a threesome?”)

People often assume that I’m “straight really”. They accuse me of just dabbling in queerness for funsies because my nesting partner happens to be male. I recently told a man who was trying to pick me up that I was “wayyyyyy towards the gay end of bisexual”. Somehow, all he gleaned from that revelation was “so I still have a chance?” (Reader, he did not.) Even—perhaps especially—when you’re loudly and proudly queer, heteronormativity can seem very very pervasive sometimes.

So yes. I think “sapphic” is the most succinct and accurate way to sum up my sexuality right now.

Choosing a term to describe my sexuality that specifically places my love for and attraction to women at its heart feels like a small act of reclamation and celebration for my queerness. Every time I think about referring to myself in this way it makes me smile. I think that means I am on the right lines.

Header for post on myths about chastity devices and chastity kink

5 Myths About Chastity Devices and Chastity Kink

Published on April 15, 2023March 9, 2026 by Amy

A quick note on terminology: this post refers primarily to chastity kink and chastity devices for a person with a penis (often called “male chastity”, though obviously not everyone with a penis is a man!) Chastity play for people with vulvas is, unfortunately, much more challenging and less practical.

What do you think of when you hear the word “chastity?” Do you think about medieval women forced to wear metal belts to protect their virginity? (Which probably never happened, by the way.) Do you think about religious doctrine urging you not to have sex until marriage? Or perhaps you think about your favourite kink.

What is Chastity Kink?

In the BDSM and kink world, chastity play refers to having your genitals locked away in a device, preventing pleasure, masturbation, and orgasm. There are no reliable statistics that I could find about how prevalent this kink is, but anecdotal data (and the prevelance of porn and erotica centered on it) implies it’s very, very common indeed.

And as with any popular kink, there are a number of myths about chastity devices and chastity play. Let’s debunk some of them now!

Myth: Chastity Kink Cages Are All the Same

Many new players make the mistaken assumption that one chastity cage is much the same as another. This can result in them purchasing inexpertly made and cheap devices, which may be poorly constructed or even unsafe. It’s always best to buy a device designed and made by chastity kink experts, such as those at Total Chastity.

Even once you’ve found a reputable chastity device retailer, all devices are not the same. They come in different sizes (to accommodate different penis sizes and sensation preferences), different materials (such as plastic, metal, or silicone), different colours, and different levels of security.

There are lots of factors to consider when choosing a chastity device. You’ll need to know your measurements and comfort needs, as well as having an idea of the kind of aesthetic that appeals to you. Take your time and don’t be afraid to shop around.

Myth: Chastity Cages Are Painful

Wearing a chastity device can be uncomfortable at times. For many participants, that’s part of the appeal of a chastity kink! However, your device should not hurt, and if it does that’s a problem.

If your chastity device is painful, you should stop wearing it immediately. Pain is your body’s signal that something is wrong, and ignoring it can cause serious harm. A painful chastity device may be caused by issues such as pinching the skin, compressing a nerve, or restricting blood flow, all of which can be dangerous if not dealt with.

You might experience pain if you are wearing a small chastity cage, have your device on too tight, have put it on incorrectly, or have chosen a material that doesn’t work for your body. Adjusting your device, or trying a different device, may be the answer.

Even if you’re practicing long term chastity, it’s important to let your penis out of its cage at least once in a while. You should also get to know what’s normal for your genitals and check regularly for any changes. If you have any health or safety concerns, speak to your doctor.

Myth: Permanent Chastity Needs to Be the Goal

Many people assume that the eventual goal of chastity play is to accomplish longer and longer periods locked up, perhaps leading to permanent chastity in which the device wearer is locked up 24/7/365. However, this isn’t realistic or even desirable for many people.

If you want to play with chastity long term, have at it! It’s important to learn about the health and safety implications to make sure you are engaging with this kink in a risk-aware fashion. I love this article, in which Dan Savage speaks to a certified urologist about the risks associated with long term chastity play and how to mitigate them.

But if you only want to do chastity play occasionally, or only for short periods of time, that’s equally valid. It’s not a competition and the only opinions that matter are yours and your partner’s. There’s nothing inherently better about staying locked up for half a year as opposed to half an hour. It’s all about what works for you!

Myth: Chastity Kink is About Humiliation

Chastity is often associated with kinks such as sissification and forced feminisation, which tend to be humiliation based. This leads to the misconception that chastity play always has to be linked to humiliation.

Chastity play can be about humiliation, but it doesn’t have to be. It can also be lots of other things. You might choose to wear a chastity device as a symbol of devotion to your Dominant, as a way to test your self-control, or because you enjoy how much stronger your eventual orgasm is when you are denied first. Your attraction to this kink might revolve around submission, physical discomfort, a mental challenge, an increased libido, greater attentiveness to your partner’s sexual needs… or something else entirely!

The beautiful thing about sex and kink is that it’s a choose-your-own adventure situation. You can play with the bits that work for you, and leave the bits that don’t. If chastity appeals to you but humiliation doesn’t, then you get to play with this kink in exactly the way that turns you (and your partner) on.

Myth: You Need a Partner to Play With Chastity Kink

Perhaps you fantasise about a partner locking you in chastity, but you’re single or your partner isn’t into it. If you think this means you can’t enjoy your fetish, think again!

There are lots of ways to explore chastity play without a partner. You can lock yourself up, challenging yourself to last a certain amount of time (or just stopping when it stops being fun.) Places like Chastity Forums and r/Chastity on Reddit offer places where you can chat, share experiences, and connect with other people who share your kink.

You can watch chastity-based porn (don’t forget to seek out ethical content!) Another option is to seek out a professional Dominant (ProDom/me)—many professionals specialise in chastity play and keyholding. You can find ProDom/mes who work both online and in person, so you can choose what works for you.

In short, you don’t need a partner to explore chastity and you can have plenty of fun by yourself or by engaging with others through online chat, erotic content, or professional services.

FYI: today’s post was sponsored by Total Chastity, purveyors of quality chastity devices, toys, and accessories. I’d like to thank them for their kind support of the site – check out their collections through the links included! All writing and views are, as always, my own.

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[Toy Review] Velvet Thruster Sex Machine Review (Frankie Attachment)

Published on April 7, 2023March 21, 2026 by Amy

I get asked about sex machines all the time, but I rarely get an opportunity to try them out. They’re often ludicrously expensive and manufacturers are, understandably, reticent about sending them out to reviewers as a result. This means that most of my experiences with them have been one-offs at parties or play events. This month, though, I received the Velvet Thruster Sex Machine from Velvet Brands to test and review, and I’m excited to tell you all about it!

Velvet Thruster sex machine with Frankie attachment in mint green

What is a Sex Machine?

In the most expansive definition, a sex machine is any mechanical device designed to simulate sexual activity.

This means that pretty much any motorised sex toy could be considered a sex machine. However, in practice, the term “sex machine” usually describes penetrative toys that have a thrusting mechanism for simulating penis-in-vagina (or penis-in-anus) sex. Another term for these toys is “fucking machines.”

Velvet Thruster Review: Details

The Velvet Thruster is a thrusting, cordless sex machine by Velvet Brands. It allows you to use various, interchangeable heads with one unit. There are currently six penetrative silicone attachments available, plus one penis stroker attachment. Velvet Thrusters are also available in four colours: lilac, mint green, red, and black. You can choose your favourite or mix and match.

I received the Frankie attachment, which is a dildo 10″ in length (7″ insertable, bringing the entire toy to a whopping 12″ in length) and 1.2″ in diameter, with four deep ridges on the shaft just below the head.

Frankie thrusting dildo for Velvet Thruster sex machine

The Velvet Thruster comes with a suction cup, allowing you to affix it to a surface for hands-free use. A charging cable is also included.

Confusingly, the Velvet site describes the toy as “water resistant” but it’s definitely not waterproof enough to submerge it. So don’t use it the bath or shower, or in a wet environment such as a bathroom. You shouldn’t submerge the toy to clean it, either. Use a body-safe sterile wipe instead.

Velvet Thruster Sex Machine & Frankie Attachment Review: What I Liked

Danyell and Alex, the founders of Velvet Brands and designers of the Velvet Thruster, both come from an engineering background. It is unsurprising, then, that their patented toy is thoughtfully designed and built to exacting standards.

Though it’s pretty large compared to your typical dildo or vibrator, the Velvet Thruster is at the smaller end of the sex machine market. So if you want a thrusting product you can theoretically take with you on date nights/to sex clubs/through airport security, you’ve found it.

The Velvet Thruster’s exterior is silicone, which is not only body-safe but (appropriately) velvety soft and smooth. The pronounced ridges on the Frankie attachment offer additional internal stimulation. The Velvet Thruster’s silicone is a little grabby, so add plenty of lube.

I only have one attachment so I haven’t tried the mechanism to switch between them, but other reviews suggest it’s pretty quick and easy.

Velvet Thruster Review: What I Liked

The Velvet Thruster can thrust at up to an impressive 136 strokes per minute. If this sounds too intense for you (as it did for me), don’t worry. It has six different speed settings, so you can choose the one that’s right for you. The Velvet Thruster’s 3.2″ of thrust might not be enough for folks who prefer very deep penetration, but for me it was just about perfect as I find anything too deep to be painful. I don’t want to be prodded in the cervix, thanks.

I like the Velvet Thruster’s semi-firm silicone for similar reasons. It’s rigid enough to get a satisfying “fucking” sensation, but not so rigid that it’s uncomfortable in use. The Frankie attachment is pleasingly flexible in its top 3″, allowing for easier positioning and targeting of the spots that work for you.

The included suction cup adds lots of different interesting possibilities. You can mount your Velvet Thruster to all kinds of surfaces (walls, floors, windows… hey, I’m not judging!) and enjoy it hands-free. And the suction cup is seriously strong, so you don’t need to worry about the toy coming unstuck in use.

The Velvet Thruster’s battery life is also frankly incredible, giving you around 8 hours of use on a single full charge. In a world where most rechargeable sex toys offer 1-2 hours, maybe 3 hours if you’re really lucky, 8 is absolutely amazing.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

By far the biggest downside of the Velvet Thruster sex machine is that it’s large and heavy. This can make it tricky to use by yourself, particularly if positioning or holding heavy toys is difficult for you. I suspect the long-reach handle accessory would make solo use much easier. I’m seriously considering investing in one for this reason.

The controls are also slightly annoying. The machine has bidirectional speed controls, which is a big positive. But for some reason you have to press the main on/off button twice to actually switch the toy off. The first press reduces the speed down to the lowest setting, but doesn’t switch it off. This could be problematic if you need to stop quickly, especially because the main on/off button is actually quite fiddly and difficult to press.

Velvet Thruster fucking machine controls

The only other thing I don’t like is the noise, which is a sort of high-pitched repetitive whine. To be fair to Velvet, though, I’ve never encountered a thrusting toy that didn’t make basically this same noise. I think it might just be an unfortunate but unavoidable downside of the genre.

Verdict: Worth the Money?

Like any sex machine, the Velvet Thruster is expensive. Prices range from $246-$300 (or £204-£245 on the UK site) for a preconfigured machine, depending on which head you choose. Additional attachments range from £38-£61. You can also customise your toy with various accessories and upgrades, such as handles, if you like.

So is the Velvet Thruster sex machine worth it? I’m going to say yes, overall, it’s an excellent product that is fairly and competitively priced for what it is. I know I’ll get plenty of use out of mine!

You can buy Velvet Thruster products from Velvet Brands.

Thanks to Velvet Brands for sending me the Velvet Thruster and Frankie attachment product to review. All opinions and experiences are, as ever, my own. Affiliate links appear within this post.

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[Toy Review] Kiiroo Pearl2+

Published on April 6, 2023April 2, 2026 by Amy

A few months back, I got the opportunity to review the Kiiroo Pearl3 for Sex Tech Guide. It feels a little strange to have reviewed the newer product before the older one. But the preceding toy in the range, the Kiiroo Pearl2+, is still available and I recently received one to test out for you all.

Kiiroo Pearl2+ Review: Details

The Kiiroo Pearl2+ is a G-spot vibrator that claims to be “the world’s most high-tech G-spot vibrator.” That’s quite the claim! And while I’m as much of a fan of fancy sex tech as anyone, I’m ultimately a woman of quite simple tastes when it comes to what my vulva likes. I want rumbly power, and lots of it.

The Kiiroo Pearl2+ measures 8″ in length and just over 1.5″ in diameter at the widest point, and weighs in at a pretty light 139g. It is coated in body-safe silicone and fully waterproof. The Pearl2+ is USB rechargeable via the included cable. You’ll get around 90 minutes of battery life for a two hour charge.

Kiiroo Pearl2+ Review: What I Liked

Let’s start with the good. The Kiiroo Pearl2+ does offer genuinely powerful and rumbly vibrations. In a world where sex toy manufacturers are often so focused on gimmicks (nifty app features) that they forget the basics (good motors), it’s good to see that Kiiroo’s designers have not fallen into that trap.

I also really like the Pearl2+’s shape. Its smooth shaft is comfortable to insert, and its gentle curve is ideal for targeting my G-spot. It has a soft silicone exterior and a firm texture, which is great for applying G-spot pressure.

Aesthetically, too, I’m a big fan. The Kiiroo Pearl2+ is a lovely turquoise, which happens to be not only an unusual colour for sex toys, but also my favourite colour apart from purple.

Manual, Interactive, Touch-Sensitive: Multiple Ways to Play with the Kiiroo Pearl2+

The Pearl2+ also comes with an impressive array of additional features.

Kiiroo’s FeelConnect app is available free on both Android and iOS, and is quick and easy to download and set up. The toy’s box includes instructions for connecting your toy to the app, which takes under a minute.

You can then sync your toy to interactive online content (such as VR porn), connect with your partner from anywhere in the world (they’ll also need the app for this), or use the “Touch Control” feature to control your toy’s vibrations with the swipe of a finger. If you’re an online performer, you can also sync your toy to your camming platform to allow your fans to tip you in exchange for temporary control of your toy.

The Kiiroo Pearl2+’s long-distance responsiveness from a partner was excellent during my test runs, but the Touch Control function was quite spotty and unreliable. And personally, though I like the idea of a toy that connects to interactive content, most of what’s available is what could broadly be called “mainstream porn”, which I have virtually no interest in (and am often actively turned off by.)

Finally, there’s the Pearl2+’s touch-sensitive functionality. Touch-sensitive plates along the back of the toy respond to any kind of contact from your body, such as the pressure from your vaginal walls when it’s inserted or the touch of a finger. More pressure equals more power, so you can turn the toy’s intensity up and down simply by using one, two, or three fingers. From my perspective at least, this is probably the coolest of all the Pearl2+’s features.

For a toy that comes with this many extras, the Kiiroo Pearl2+’s price of £105 ($109) is extremely competitive.

**What I Don’t Like About the Pearl2+**

Interestingly, I find the Pearl2+ very comfortable and ergonomic for use as a G-spot toy, but significantly less so when I use it as a clitoral vibrator. Perhaps it’s something to do with the angle, but my hand was really sore after a 20 minute session of clit play with this toy.

Honestly, I’d probably like it more if I was a bigger fan of G-spot vibrations. For a comfortable-to-use and powerful clitoral vibrator, though, I’m unlikely to reach for it regularly.

Finally, I don’t like the Kiiroo Pearl2+’s controls. It has only one button, which means you have to scroll through all the settings to go back a step if you’re using it on manual mode. Even with just three constant speeds and two patterns, it’s really annoying. In a toy of this price point, there’s really no excuse not to have bidirectional buttons. In addition, if you hit the button again after the final setting, the vibrations switch off entirely. This is immensely frustrating, particularly if you’re close to orgasm.

Verdict

So is the Kiiroo Pearl2+ worth it? Ultimately, that depends on how much use you’re going to get out of its additional high-tech features.

If you’re after a basic vibrator, there are cheaper options on the market that are of at least as high a quality. Not that the Pearl2+ is bad, because – despite its flaws – it’s fairly strong and rumbly. But it’s just unnecessary to pay over £100 for a straightforward G-spot vibrator (especially one that uses a single button interface.)

But if you’re more interested in syncing your vibe with online content, playing long-distance or syncing toys with your partner, or playing around with fun extras such as the touch-sensitivity, you’ll struggle to find another toy with this many excellent features at this price point.

You can buy the Pearl2+ from several of the retailers I love including Babeland, Good Vibes, SheVibe, and Sex Toys UK, as well as directly from Kiiroo.

Thanks to Kiiroo for sending me the Pearl2+ product to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views and experiences are, as always, my own.

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Are Rose Toys Actually That Good? Unpacking the Viral Sex Toy Trend

Published on March 10, 2023March 8, 2026 by Amy

Chances are, if you’re familiar with the sex toy industry or have spent any time in sex positive spaces online in the last couple of years, you’ll have come across rose toys. Perhaps you’ve seen a company advertising them, an influencer gushing about them on social media, or a friend has told you about how much they love theirs. But what exactly are rose sex toys, are they good, and just why are they so popular?

It Began on TikTok

I don’t really use or understand TikTok, mostly because I am over 30 and get overwhelmed easily. Therefore, I only became aware of this particular viral sensation when it spread out onto other platforms such as Twitter. I kept seeing people talking about this “rose toy for women”, so obviously I had to check it out and see what all the fuss was about.

The rose sex toys craze seemingly began sometime in early 2021. In one viral TikTok clip dated 4 May 2021, which has over 631,000 likes at the time of writing, user @_queenk_95 claims to have reached orgasm in 30 seconds with her rose adult toy. Her enthusiastic commenters agree. “WARNING USE AT UR OWN RISK YOULL NEVER BE THE SAME” [sic] one commenter claims.

Needless to say, this and similar videos had users rushing to try the toy in their droves. The TikTok rose toy trend is probably one of the biggest pop culture moments in sex toys since an infamous scene from a Sex & the City episode led to many stores selling out of rabbit vibrators in the late 1990s.

“Rose Toys” Aren’t Just One Thing

The original “rose toy” that took TikTok by storm seems to have been a rose-shaped clitoral suction stimulator from Amazon. However, even a quick search for “rose sex toy” brings up over 1000 results on Amazon’s US site alone, so I think it’s safe to assume that not everyone who posted about the “rose” was referring to the exact same model.

I also really don’t recommend buying sex toys from Amazon. In a broadly unregulated industry, the chances of getting a mislabeled knock-off product (which may not even be safe) are too high.

Fortunately, there are now numerous reputable sex toy retailers selling rose sex toys, and they come in many different variations. The majority of rose toys are still based around clitoral suction, but they vary in exact shape and design, size, level of power, settings, controls, and so on. There are also versions with protruding tongues designed to simulate oral sex, versions with G-spot vibrators attached, remote control versions, and more.

In other words, the world of rose sex toys is now a vast one thanks to their explosion in popularity. So if they appeal to you, you’ve got a good chance of finding one you like.

Sex Toys That Don’t Look Like Sex Toys

For as long as there’s been a sex toy industry, there has been a market for toys that do not immediately look like what they are. From the classic lipstick and rubber duck vibrators, through to modern toys that look like little penguins or ice creams and the glass, ceramic, or steel constructions that look like works of art, there’s a sex toy to meet every preference.

There are probably a few reasons behind this. Many people, unfortunately, still feel embarrassed about using toys (sex toy usage has become far less taboo in recent years but many people still aren’t comfortable with having a toy out in the open). Discreet toys are also easier to pop in your bag—or take through airport security—without worrying about someone seeing them. Then, of course, there’s the sheer aesthetic value of some toys.

The famous rose toys are no different. They don’t immediately scream “VIBRATOR” to the uninitiated, and one of the most endearing things about them is that they’re really, really pretty. As a femme, I really love pretty things and flowers, so an attractive sex toy that looks cute on my nightstand is an instant win. It’s easy to see why their aesthetic alone has helped rose flower toys grow in popularity.

A Cute Gift

Opinions on whether you should give sex toys as gifts differ. There are situations where you definitely shouldn’t (workplace Secret Santa, yes I have seen this happen) and situations where it’s maybe okay (a very close friend with whom you have that kind of open and frank relationship.) In the context of an existing sexual relationship where you know the other person’s body and preferences reasonably well, though, I’m all for it!

A rose toy could be a great gift for the flower-loving femme in your life. It’s an imaginative and sexy twist on a traditional gift, and will bring pleasure that lasts a lot longer.

Are Rose Toys as Good as the Hype Implies?

Having tried a number of rose toys at this point, I’ve had somewhat mixed but overwhelmingly positive to very positive experiences with them. As they’re primarily based on clitoral suction, rose toys deliver focused clitoral stimulation via pulses of air, which offers intense pleasure without any of the numbing effect you can get from poor-quality buzzy vibrators.

Everyone’s experience is different, of course, but many users say that clitoral suction toys such as rose toys help them to orgasm more quickly, more reliably, and more intensely than any other type of stimulation.

Today’s post was sponsored by the good folks at OOTYEMO, an online sex shop offering numerous different iterations of the rose toy as well as many other products. All writing and views are, as always, my own.

Bestvibe CYRUS thrusting realistic dildo

Review: Bestvibe CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo

Published on January 6, 2023May 28, 2026 by Amy2 Comments

Happy new year, friends! 2022 was a rough one and I’m not naive enough to say “2023 is going to be my year!” We’re all still facing ongoing challenges due to *gestures vaguely at everything*. Personally, I’ll be satisfied if 2023 reaches the bar of “better than 2022.” With that said, it’s time to dive into my very first review of the new year: the CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo from Bestvibe Toys.

Bestvibe Toys CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo Review

Bestvibe approached me right before the holidays to invite me to review of their products. Since readers ask me about recommendations for both realistic toys and thrusting toys all the time, I thought I’d choose this one, which ticks both of those boxes.

The CYRUS Classic Swing&Heat Thrusting Realistic Dildo is closely resembles a bio-cock. It is impressively detailed, with a veined shaft, textured balls, a pronounced head, and even skin texturing at the base of the head. If you’re looking for a highly detailed realistic toy without breaking the bank, look no further.

The CYRUS measures 9″ from base to tip, of which 7″ is insertable length, and 1.59″ in diameter at the widest point. This makes it a little larger than the average factory-installed penis, but not scarily huge. Due to the internal mechanisms and dense silicone, it weighs in at a hefty 490g. It features a suction cup base, allowing for hands-free play or harness compatibility for strap-on sex.

The CYRUS is made of body-safe silicone. Since the texture is quite similar to some TPE/TPR toys I’ve handled, I flame tested it to be sure. I’m pleased to say it’s definitely silicone. (The lack of any discernible smell also tipped me off that it’s real silicone.) Manufacturers often sacrifice safety in favour of “real feel” materials when it comes to realistic toys, so it’s great to find safe, non-porous alternatives.

The CYRUS is IPX5 waterproof, meaning it can withstand a sustained, low-pressure spray of water such as that from a home tap. Therefore, you can wash it under the tap, but don’t submerge it in water. It is rechargeable via the included cable and comes with a battery-operated remote control (1 x 27A 12V battery is included.)

The CYRUS retails for a very reasonable $77 and is currently on sale at $66.

Settings and Controls

There are two ways to control the Bestvibe Toys CYRUS: via the button on the base or via the remote control. Using the button, you’ll be able to scroll through 9 different patterns of vibration and their corresponding inbuilt thrusting patterns (there are 3 different thrusting patterns.)

With the remote, you can enjoy a much finer level of control, pairing any of the 3 thrusting and rotating modes with any of the 9 vibration patterns for a completely customisable experience. You can also use either the vibrations or thrusting separately, if you like.

The button on the base of the toy is a little stiff and requires quite a firm press. The buttons on the remote control, on the other hand, are easy to press. The toy’s responsiveness to the remote is fast and reliable, and the range of the remote is 10 metres.

Bestvibe Toys CYRUS Realistic Dildo Review: In Use

The CYRUS’s realistic design is ideal for users looking for the most lifelike experience possible from a toy. The shaft is rigid most of the way along, though the soft and squishy head (the last inch or so) really makes a positive difference from a comfort and ease of use perspective. The pronounced and ridged head is ideal for G-spotting.

I also really love the dual density feel. This means that the toy has a firm core on the inside, and a softer layer on the outside. Like an erect penis, in other words!

The Bestvibe Toys CYRUS’s thrusting mechanism feels amazing in use. If you have a vulva and enjoy dual stimulation, try using it hands-free (or asking a partner to use it on you) and pairing it with your favourite clitoral vibe. I actually prefer to use the thrusting mode alone, because I’m not the biggest fan of internal vibrations. Though it’s far too large for me to have tried it in this way personally, the CYRUS is also anal-safe if that’s your jam.

One of my favourite features of the CYRUS is its “warming” function. Press the little flame icon on the remote to activate this mode. The toy will warm to 38℃ (just very slightly above human body temperature). This really enhances the experience if you’re looking for a toy that feels as realistic as possible. Instead of cool silicone, you can mimic the natural warmth you’d feel with a partner’s cock.

The Bestvibe Toys CYRUS’s silicone is quite “grabby” due to its matte texture. Therefore, I’d really recommend using plenty of lubricant for a comfortable experience. Any water-based lube will work. It will also pick up dust and lint in storage, so give it a quick wipe before each use.

The vibrations aren’t massively strong and are a little buzzy. However, they are concentrated in the head of the toy. If you like really powerful G-spot vibrations, this one might not be for you. But if you’re happy with gentler vibes (or mainly here for the thrusting function, as I was) this shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

Volume-wise, the vibrations are very quiet. The thrusting mode isn’t exactly loud, but it does have a very distinctive sound that I can best describe as a repetitive, high-pitched whir. The suction cup is strong and stays in place well on every surface I’ve tried it on.

Bestvibe Toys CYRUS Review: Verdict

I like this one! If I’m honest, realistic dildos aren’t often my thing, aesthetically speaking. I tend to prefer more abstract, colourful (and occasionally glittery) designs. But functionally, it does the job and comes with some great extra features. If I was going to recommend one body-safe, realistic toy at a very realistic price, it might be this one.

Thanks to Bestvibe Toys for sending me the CYRUS realistic dildo to review. All views are, as always, my own. This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write an honest review.

Lovegasm Seductive Rose Vibrator review header

[Toy Review] Lovegasm Seductive Rose Vibrator

Published on December 18, 2022March 8, 2026 by Amy

Rose sex toys seem to be all the rage at the moment, possibly largely thanks to one such product going viral on TikTok in early 2021. Since then, many different variations on the theme have come out from various companies, some of which I’ve tested in the past. This week, I received another of these toys to try out and review: the Seductive Rose Vibrator from Lovegasm.

Lovegasm Seductive Rose Vibrator Review: Details

The Lovegasm Seductive Rose Vibrator is not actually a vibrator in the strictest sense of the word. It’s a clitoral “suction” toy, meaning that it has an open nozzle and delivers stimuation to the clitoris via pulses of air. This petite toy measures just 2.6″ from base to top, and 2.3″ in diameter at the widest point. The nozzle is 0.5″ in diameter. It’s light and easy to hold, coming in at a petite 124g.

The charging time is around 75 minutes, and you’ll get 75-90 minutes use out of a full charge. The Seductive Rose Vibrator has a waterproof rating of IPX4, meaning it is splashproof but you should not submerge it in water.

In the box you’ll also find a magnetic USB charging stand, an instruction leaflet, and a drawstring storage bag,

The Lovegasm Seductive Rose Vibrator is coated in soft and body-safe silicone. Confusingly, the box it came in claims the material is “silica gel”, which is a different thing entirely. I flame-tested the toy and the results indicate real silicone, which is what I already suspected from the look and feel of the material, so you can use it with confidence.

If you like pretty toys, you’ll love this one. The toy is a lovely deep red and the silicone is fashioned into delicate rose petals at the top.

Settings and Controls

The Lovegasm Seductive Rose offers 3 constant speeds and 7 patterns. You control these through a single button interface located just below the centre of the toy’s main body. The button is easy to press and responsive. It also lights up, making it easy to see if you’re playing in low light.

I would have preferred both-ways controls to switch between settings. However, I can forgive that oversight in a toy at this price-point.

Does the Lovegasm Seductive Rose Feel Like Cunnilingus?

No.

These types of suction-based sex toys are often marketed as oral sex simulators. While I sort of understand where the thinking behind this is coming from, it’s just not really accurate. Cunnilingus is a very, very difficult think to effectively mimic with a sex toy. Despite valiant efforts, I’m not sure any toy manufacturer has succeeded yet.

So does the Seductive Rose Vibrator feel like receiving cunnilingus? No. That doesn’t mean it’s not a good toy, but it means I cannot get behind the claim that the Seductive Rose Vibrator will “satisfy your craving for oral action.” I’ve used enough pressure wave toys at this point that I don’t go in expecting them to feel like cunnilingus. A beginner to this type of toy might not know that, though, and I don’t think this kind of marketing is helpful.

Lovegasm Seductive Rose Review: In Use

With the above said, I actually think the Lovegasm Seductive Rose Vibrator is a great toy! The motor is strong enough to get the job done, and the range of settings allows you to explore with different sensations. I also like that the smaller nozzle allows for intensely focused and targeted clitoral stimulation. This is such an easy toy to use – I pretty much just switch it to my favourite setting, put it in place, and hold it there until I come. Bliss!

Here’s a little pro tip for you: if a toy like this one is too intense when you place it directly over your clit, try positioning it over the hood instead. You’ll still get all that focused sensation, but with a little less intensity.

The Lovegasm Seductive Rose Vibrator isn’t too loud, coming in at around 60 dB at its loudest. If it’s switched on and the door is closed, it cannot be heard in the next room.

Thanks to its light weight, the Seductive Rose is easy to angle and position. It is comfortable to hold in place even for an extended session. It’s worth bearing in mind that the nozzle is on the smaller side. Genitals, like all body parts, come in different shapes and sizes and this toy might not be a good fit if you have a larger glans clitoris (that’s the external bit.)

Verdict

The Lovegasm Seductive Rose retails for just £29.83, making it an excellent budget-friendly sex toy. With body-safe materials, a decent motor, multiple settings to choose from, and an attractive design, it’s got everything you need in a basic clitoral toy at an affordable price-point.

This review was sponsored by Lovegasm, meaning I was paid to test the toy and give my honest opinion. All views are, as always, my own. Don’t forget to check out Lovegasm’s full catalogue of products!

Header image for Tantaly Sex Doll sponsored post

5 Great Reasons to Buy a Sex Doll

Published on December 11, 2022April 2, 2026 by Amy

We’ve been hearing a lot about sex dolls over the last few years. These anthropomorphic sex toys are designed to look and feel like a human body, or part of one. Some sex dolls encompass the entire body. Many more are torso-only or even just a specific body part such as a butt, pelvis and genitals, or pair of breasts. They may be made of silicone, or of another soft and flexible material such as TPE. For some people, sex dolls are a kink in and of themselves.

(Sex dolls are distinguishable from sex robots. The latter refers to technology incorporating artificial intelligence that can mimic human-like behaviour in a more realistic way. True AI sex robots are still largely theoretical.)

Should I Get a Sex Doll? Ethical Myths

First, let me tell you a couple of misconceptions about sex dolls that might be on your mind if you’re wondering whether you should get one. Here are a couple of things I don’t believe about sex dolls.

First, I do not believe there is an inherent ethical issue in the use of a sex doll, any more than I believe there is one with using a dildo, vibrator, or stroker. However realistic it may look, a sex doll is an inanimate object. It is not a person, it is not sentient, and I have not seen any compelling evidence to suggest that use of these toys leads to the mistreatment or dehumanisation of actual human partners.

Should I Get a Sex Doll If I Have a Partner?

I also do not believe a doll can “replace” a human partner, any more than any other sex toy can. A toy or sex doll can give you sexual pleasure. That is its entire purpose! But it cannot hold you after sex, snuggle with you on the couch and watch movies, support your dreams, bring you soup when you’re sick, or take you out on cute dates. The differences between a sex doll and a human partner are so vast and obvious that to me, the idea of the former replacing the latter is just utterly absurd.

Though they’re most commonly marketed to straight, cisgender men, people of all genders and sexualities can (and do) buy and enjoy sex dolls. Here are a few great reasons you might want to consider trying one.

Sex Dolls Are Fun

Duh, right? But ultimately, the purpose of any sex toy is to provide fun and sexual pleasure. Sex dolls are no different. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, keeping up a regular solo sex life is still really important to many people.

Masturbation is healthy and normal. The overwhelming majority of people do it. As long as you follow a few basic safety precautions, it’s a pretty much risk-free way to get your sexual needs met. Using sex toys, including sex dolls, can absolutely be a part of that.

Maintain an Active Fantasy Life

Most people have sexual fantasies of one form or another. These can range from the very simple (thinking about having sex with your crush or going down on your partner) to incredibly elaborate fantasies with a plot and a whole cast of characters. It’s all normal and, as long as you can maintain a clear distinction between fantasy and reality, completely healthy.

Using toys such as sex dolls can help to make your fantasy or kink feel more realistic, allowing you to act out or simulate aspects of it. And if you fantasise about playing with someone with specific physical attributes, you can often find a sex doll that caters to exactly those preferences.

Try Out New Techniques

No matter how long we’ve been sexually active, all of us have so much more we could learn about sex. This is because human sexuality is infinitely varied and often changes throughout people’s lifetimes.

Perhaps you want to try a new sexual position, learn some new oral sex tricks, or perfect your hand sex game. Or perhaps you’ve seen something interesting in a porn clip, read about it, or learned about it during a class and now want to give it a go. Buying and using a doll can be a fun way to try out and practice new things which you might want to bring into the bedroom with your current or future partners. Some people also use sex dolls to practice kink skills such as rope bondage or impact play before attempting them with a human partner.

Remember that a sex doll cannot respond or give feedback, but your human partners absolutely can. So get consent and pay attention to their responses at every stage.

You Should Get a Sex Doll if You’d Like to Experiment with Threesome Fantasies Risk-Free

Threesomes are one of the most common sexual fantasties, and seem to strike a chord across genders and sexual orientations. However, bringing them to life is not necessarily as easy as it sounds. Finding two people who are both into you and also into each other is just the first hurdle. After that, you’ve also got to navigate three people’s sexual needs as well as handle any unexpected emotional reactions that might come up. Many people who do manage to pull it off find that the reality does not match up to the fantasy.

While it’s definitely not exactly the same thing as bringing in an additional human partner, using a sex doll can allow a couple to simulate a group sex kink without the emotional and relational risk that can accompany doing it for real.

Sex Dolls Are More Affordable Than Ever

Historically, quality dolls were tremendously expensive. However, they are becoming more and more affordable and options are now available for a range of budgets. A basic doll can start from around $100.

This post was sponsored by Tantaly, purveyors of high-quality torso sex dolls. All writing and views are my own.