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Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Knicker Vibrator

[Toy Review] Lovehoney Desire Remote Control Knicker Vibrator

Published on by Amy

One of the requests I receive most often is for remote control panty vibe toys, or vibrators that you wear inside your knickers. I can understand the appeal of them in theory. The idea of something stimulating you as you go about your day is alluring to a lot of people. The problem is that most of these so-called “vibrating knickers” suck. Would Lovehoney’s Desire Remote Control Panty Vibe be the toy to change all that?

Lovehoney Desire Panty Vibe

This vibrating knickers set, part of the Lovehoney Desire range, consists of three components: the vibrator itself, the remote control, and the knickers to use it with. All of this is presented in a zip-up pouch. The vibrator measures 4″ long. It is saddle-shaped and made of smooth, rigid silicone. There’s a single control button on the top and a nub on the underside which (supposedly) rests against the clitoris when worn.

Lovehoney Panty Vibe underside pictured with charging cable
Image: Lovehoney

The main toy is rechargeable, but the remote control requires a single CR2032 battery (included). The panty vibe is waterproof and submersible, but the remote is only splashproof.

Lovehoney Desire vibrating knickers product pic: woman's body from behind wearing black lace knickers, purple vibrator and remote pictured in a circle
Image: Lovehoney

The included knickers tie up at the sides, making them adjustable to fit various sizes. I wear a UK size 16 and they fitted me with plenty of room left over, though they may not be suitable for larger bodies. Annoyingly, there are no measurements or sizing information on the product page. The panties are made of soft black lace, though I don’t love that they’re polyester-based. They have a little pouch in the gusset where you slip the panty vibe to keep it in place.

Desire Panty Vibe Review: In Use

The Desire Knicker Vibrator has 12 speeds and 8 patterns to choose from. At the higher end, the vibrations have a decent amount of power, though they’re not as rumbly as I would like.

The best thing about the Desire Panty Vibe’s design, by far, is its shape. It sits comfortably flush with the curve of the vulva, and the bump on the end is ideal for brushing against the clit and providing some gentle friction. The pouch in the knickers means that the toy stays in place fairly well, though once you start moving around it’s hard to maintain constant clitoral contact. Think “tease” rather than “orgasm” with this one.

Lovehoney vibrating knickers shown with vibrator inside panty pouch
Image: Lovehoney

There’s a one-button interface on the toy itself, which allows you to cycle through the various pattern settings. However, you cannot turn the power level up or down on the toy itself. The remote, however, allows you to select both a pattern and a speed. The remote control range on this toy is about 8 metres, assuming a clear line of sight.

I don’t really agree with the description of the Desire Panty Vibe as “whisper-quiet” (do I ever?) It has a pretty distinct buzz. It’s not loud enough to be bad, but it’s also not quiet enough to be a selling point.

Lovehoney Desire Vibrating Knickers: Verdict

My overall verdict on this toy depends on what you’re looking for.

If you’re after a vibe to simply masturbate with to get off, this is probably not your best choice. I’d recommend going for the bullet or for the pebble clitoral vibe instead. However, if you’re after a panty vibe or “vibrating knickers” style experience, or a way to hand over control to someone else while keeping your hands free, this one could be a good choice.

The Desire Knicker Vibrator retails at £69.99 from Lovehoney UK or $99.99 from Lovehoney US.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for Blush Ruse Jammy review

[Toy Review] Blush Novelties Ruse Jammy Silicone Dildo

Published on by Amy

When it comes to body-safe pleasure products at affordable prices, Blush toys are hard to beat. Let’s look at the most recent one I received to try: the Ruse Jammy, a realistic dildo with a large girth size.

Blush Toys Ruse Jammy: Large Girth Realistic Dildo

Blush Toys Ruse Jammy, a large and girthy purple realistic dildo with a suction cup base and curved shaft
Image: Blush Toys

The Ruse Jammy is a dildo for those who like their toys girthy. This toy measures 7.5″ in length and 2″ in diameter.

The Ruse Jammy has a realistic veiny shaft, a subtle natural curve, a pronounced coronal ridge and head, and lifelike skin texturing. The level of detail is impressive for a toy at this price-point. It is made of 100% silicone, available in purple or black. The base is a suction cup, making it suitable for anal play, strap-on sex, or hands-free pleasure.

Blush Ruse Jammy In Use

There’s a lot to like about this Blush toy. The silicone is soft, velvety and not too matte, with a nice glide especially when you add a little lube. The curve is just about perfect, and the shaft is fairly dense while still retaining some flexibility. Its pronounced head stimulates the opening of the vagina or anus on insertion, which some people find pleasurable.

I have to be honest: I’m not a “size queen” (someone who prefers very large penises or toys.) A challenge can be fun occasionally, but most of the time small to medium is more than enough for me when it comes to penetrative pleasure. I also find anything touching my cervix intensely painful.

The Ruse Jammy by Blush isn’t exactly an ultra-giant toy, but it’s on the edge of being too much for me. I find that I get the most out of it when I use just the first two or three inches of the shaft, rather than trying to insert the whole thing.

Blush Toys Ruse Jammy: Verdict

If you’re looking for an affordable yet body-safe girthy dildo, the Ruse Jammy is a great choice. Considering that some toys this size run to £100 or more, the under-$50/£38 (at the time of writing) price-tag makes this one a budget-friendly alternative.

The Ruse Jammy is available from retailers such as SheVibe, Babeland, and Good Vibes.

I received this toy for free in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are mine.

Header image for a post about meaningful things to do for World AIDS Day

Five Meaningful Things To Do for World AIDS Day

Published on by Amy

Since 1988, December 1st has been designated as World AIDS Day. As a queer person, the issue of HIV and AIDS is close to my heart. I wanted to talk about it today and share some meaningful World AIDS Day activities you can do to make a difference.

Why We Still Need to Care About HIV and AIDS

The AIDS epidemic reached its height in the 1980s and early 1990s. However, AIDS has not gone away and remains a significant global health issue.

AIDS has claimed over 44 million lives since the epidemic began. Amazing advances in treatment mean that HIV (the virus that, if untreated, leads to AIDS) is no longer an automatic death sentence. However, the disease still kills over 600,000 people every year. The majority of these deaths happen in the global south and particularly sub-Saharan Africa.

Other groups disproportionately impacted by HIV and AIDS include gay and bisexual+ men, sex workers, people who inject drugs, transgender people, and incarcerated people. Globally, women and girls account for around 45% of new infections.

Check out this fact sheet to learn more about the ongoing scale of the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

What is World AIDS Day?

World AIDS Day was the first-ever global health day. It exists to unite people in the ongoing fight against HIV/AIDS, support people living with the virus, dismantle the stigma, and commemorate those who have lost their lives to the virus.

HIV/AIDS is one of the most destructive pandemics in human history. It’s easy to feel helpless in the face of something this huge. But there is hope, too. UNAIDS is currently working on an incredibly ambitious strategy that aims to reduce both new HIV infections and AIDS-related deaths by 90% from 2010 figures by 2030. Amongst other goals, they also aim to have 95% of HIV-positive people know their status, 95% of those who know their status receiving antiviral treatment, and 95% of those on treatment to have an suppressed viral load.

All of this is possible and achievable. World AIDS Day encourages all of us to get involved, in whatever way we can, in the fight to end HIV/AIDS.

5 World AIDS Day Activities to Get Involved and Make a Difference

1. Donate or Get Involved in Fundraising Activities

If you have some money to spare, even a few pounds or dollars can make a big difference to the various organisations doing amazing work in the areas of HIV and AIDs.

Donate to a charity that’s doing important work in the areas of HIV and AIDS. The National AIDS Trust is working to end HIV by 2030 while championing the rights of people living with HIV/AIDS. The Terrence Higgins Trust is another great charity that campaigns, runs HIV testing centres, and provides services connected to HIV and sexual health.

You can also get involved in fundraising activities for World AIDS Day causes. Take on a sponsored challenge, sponsor someone else, or put a collection box in your workplace.

2. Get a Test, Know Your Status, and Learn About PrEP

When was your last sexual health screening? If you haven’t been tested recently, go and book one (or order a home testing kit) now. Everyone who is sexually active should be getting tested at least once per year, and more often if you have multiple partners or have unprotected sex.

The best way to protect yourself and your partner(s) from HIV is to know your status and practice safer sex.

While you’re getting tested, you could also ask your doctor if pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is right for you. PrEP is a preventative medication taken by HIV-negative people that reduces your risk of contracting the virus should you be exposed to it. According to the Terrence Higgins Trust, most people who use PrEP take it every day. A minority of users prefer to take it only immediately before and after having sex.

3. Smash the Stigma and Share Factual Information

Sadly, HIV and AIDS are still heavily stigmatised. This stigma can have a major impact on the quality of life of those living with HIV, even if it is well-controlled. World AIDS Day is not only about ending the HIV/AIDS pandemic. It is also about protecting the rights and dignity of those already affected. One of the simplest but most impactful World AIDS Day activities you can do? Simply get informed, learn the facts, and share accurate information.

Next time you hear someone speak negatively about people with HIV/AIDS, don’t laugh along or let it slide. Instead, speak up.

People living with HIV are not dirty. They are not stupid. Having HIV is not a personal or moral failing. HIV cannot be transmitted through kissing, skin-to-skin contact, sharing food or drinks, water fountains, toilet seats, mosquitoes, saliva, sweat, or modern blood transfusions. It can only be transmitted through infected blood, sexual fluids, or breast milk. Read and share this handy guide.

4. Stock Up on Sexual Health Supplies

Unprotected sex with an infected person is one of the main ways HIV can be transmitted. Every person who practices safer sex is contributing to ending HIV, both directly (by protecting themselves and their sexual partners) and indirectly (by normalising safer sex.)

Take a moment to check your supplies of condoms, dams, and gloves. If you’re running low on anything, stock up. If you can’t afford to buy supplies, ask your doctor or sexual health provider where you can access them for free. This is also a great time to make sure any you have are still in date.

If you’re LGBTQ+, many queer spaces such as bars, community centres, and sexuality-focused events give out safer sex supplies as freebies.

5. Wear Your Red World AIDS Day Ribbon

The red ribbon is the internationally-recognised symbol of HIV/AIDS awareness and advocacy. You can buy one from the National AIDS Trust, request them for free if you’re planning to do any World AIDS Day fundraising activities, or pick one up from the many stores and public spaces that are selling them at this time of year.

This post contains affiliate links.

A metal male chastity device for a penis on a black background

5 Great Reasons to Try Chastity Play

Published on by Amy

The chastity fetish is incredibly common. Broadly speaking, chastity is a form of kink play that involves abstaining from orgasm, and sometimes from any form of sexual contact, for a period of time. Some people do chastity play as part of a kinky or D/s relationship. Others engage in online play such as frequenting chastity fetish forums, having cyber-sex, or watching chastity porn. Some hire sex workers to be their keyholders. It’s also possible to do chastity play solo.

Playing with this kink might or might not include the use of a physical chastity device such as a cock cage or chastity belt. Some people play with it just for a few minutes or hours, while others do long-term and extreme chastity. The only right way to engage with chastity fetish is the way that is risk-aware and feels right for you.

So why do people like chastity? Here are five great reasons to give it a go if you’re curious.

Chastity Can Enhance Feelings of Submission or Dominance

Giving someone control over your sexual release is, in some ways, the ultimate surrender. Whether you’re handing over the keys to your chastity device to a partner or simply pledging not to touch yourself until given permission, needing someone’s permission to experience pleasure and orgasm will likely enhance how submissive you feel towards that person.

For many Dominants, having control over someone’s sexual pleasure is a tremendous power rush. Many Dominants enjoy hearing a submissive beg for release, only to deny it.

You Might Experience a Stronger Orgasm

Many chastity fetish enthusiasts say that, after a period of denial, the eventual orgasm is much stronger and more satisfying.

Think of it as a bit like taking that first bite of your favourite meal when you’re starving. Wanting and looking forward to something makes it so much better than you finally get it.

Chastity Play Keeps Your D/s Dynamic Front-of-Mind

We all have busy lives and most of us can’t live our kinky fantasy dream life 24/7. For many chastity fetish participants, it’s a great way to keep their dynamic centred in their life even when they’re doing other things.

Imagine going about your day and feeling your chastity device under your clothes, or even just remembering you’re not allowed to touch yourself no matter how horny you get. This can help you stay connected to your Dominant and your kinky self even when you’re not actively playing.

Chastity Fetish is a Great Activity for Long-Distance Relationships

For long distance BDSM couples, chastity play is one of the easier kinks to do from a distance. For example, some couples implement the rule that the submissive is always in chastity when not with the Dominant. Others like to play teasing, denial, and edging games online or on the phone while apart.

Pleasure Can Act as a Motivator: Better Living Through Your Chastity Fetish

Are you a Dominant trying to train your submissive and instill desirable behaviours or break problematic ones? Chastity can be a great motivator. Perhaps your submissive only gets to touch themselves if they drank their eight glasses of water today. Maybe you’ll only let them orgasm after they’ve got all their writing done. Or perhaps they get an extra day in the belt for every day they forget to eat breakfast.

Of course, solo kinksters can also play use chastity in this way, though you’ll need to be a little more disciplined if you’re enforcing the rules on yourself. I’m a big proponent of using kink as a tool for self-improvement, and release-as-reward is one fun way to play with this.

This post contains affiliate links.

A female bottom with a silicone flogger placed across it. For a review of the Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit from Stockroom

[Kink Product Review] Kinklab Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit

Published on by Amy

Electro play has been an interest of mine ever since I first encountered a restored violet wand at a fetish fair. (Have you seen them? They’re gorgeous. They’re also expensive as hell. Mr C&K and I have a friend who has an amazing electro set-up in their home dungeon which we love playing with when we get the opportunity to visit. But until now, exploring electro-play at home has been difficult for us due to the cost of the gear. Enter the Kinklab Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit.

A word of safety warning: please don’t buy a knock-off neon wand from places like Amazon, Aliexpress or Shein. I made this mistake when I was young and uneducated. We were fortunate that nothing bad happened, but please, please, please buy your electro-sex gear from a reputable kink and BDSM supplier.

What is a Neon Wand?

The neon wand is a modern and cheaper alternative to the violet wand, a turn-of-the-century quack medical device. Now a popular BDSM toy, violet or neon wands discharge electricity across the surface of the skin, creating a sensation that can range from a gentle, warming tickle to a sharp and scratchy pain.

I’m informed that the sensation is somewhat similar to getting tattooed, but having inkless skin (for now) means I can’t testify as to the accuracy of this claim.

A neon wand consists of the main wand handle and various attachments (sometimes called electrodes) which are made of glass or conductive silicone. When you plug an electrode into the wand and then touch it to the body, it transmits electricity across the skin. When switched on, the inside of the clear glass electrodes glows a bright colour, most commonly red or purple. This video is a good visual if you want to see and hear the Kinklab Neon Wand in action.

There are lots of reasons why people might enjoy electro play (sometimes also called e-stim, electro-stim or electro-sex.) Some find the sensation pleasant, relaxing, or even meditative. Others are masochists and get off on pain. For some people, these devices play into a medical kink, while for others it’s about conquering a fear or seeing how much they can take. As with most kinks, the motivations are as varied as the people who partake.

Kinklab Neon Wand: Obsidian Intensity Kit

The Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit is a bundle that consists of the neon wand and two attachments: the Electro-Whip and the Flex Capacitor, both made from conductive silicone.

KinkLab Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit with wand and two attachments
Image: KinkLab

Be aware that this kit does not come with any glass attachments, so if you want those you’ll need to buy them separately. Stockroom sells quite a few by KinkLab that are compatible with this set.

The neon wand has an 8 foot power cable. A word of warning for my non-US readers: it is a US plug, so you’ll need an appropriate step-down converter to use it safely in your country. Thankfully, I already have one for purposes of using my Magic Wand.

KinkLab Neon Wand Kit Review: In Use

The Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit’s user interface couldn’t be simpler. There’s a single dial control to control the power and intensity. There are comprehensive instructions so even BDSM beginners can get set up and start playing with the kit in minutes.

I experience electro-play on a spectrum that ranges from tickle to sting. At the lower ends, the Neon Wand Intensity Kit reminds me somewhat of the sensation of having a Wartenberg wheel drawn across my skin. On the higher settings, it’s a sharp and stingy pain. If you hate stingy sensations, neon wand play is unlikely to be for you.

Electrode 1: Electro-Whip

KinkLab Neon Wand kit electro whip
Image: Kinklab

The Electro-Whip is actually a small flogger, with ten falls made of conductive silicone. This is not a toy for hard impact. Despite the name and design, this “whip” is more designed for dragging across the body, leaving a trail of sparks wherever it goes. You can strike with it gently, but again, think “stroke” rather than “strike.”

It’s a stingy fucker! The high number of contact points on the body all at once and their small surface area means this one delivers a lot of bite.

Electrode 2: Flex Capacitor

KinkLab Neon Wand kit flex capacitor electrode
Image: Kinklab

The Flex Capacitor is described as the most intense of all neon wand electrodes, and it’s an apt description.

The two-pronged tip sends a powerful shock to wherever it touches. The Flex is best for short, sharp bursts of pain. I couldn’t stand this one on any but the lowest settings, it’s that intense.

Using Your Kinklab Neon Wand Kit Safely

As with all BDSM activities, there are some risks inherent in electro-play. Knowledge is your first and greatest line of defense. This is not an exhaustive list and I am not a doctor, so please do your own research before you start playing, but as a starting point here are some of the key safety points you need to be aware of:

  • Again, please buy a genuine device from a reputable supplier.
  • Check your cords before play. If any of them are frayed or look damaged, do not use the device.
  • Store your device in a cool, dry place. Don’t get it wet or use it in a damp environment such as the bathroom. Make sure your skin is completely dry before you begin playing. Come on folks, we all learned in primary school that water and electricity don’t mix, didn’t we?
  • Check the voltage/ampage and make sure you are using an appropriate converter for your country’s outlets, if relevant.
  • Do not leave your device plugged in when you’re not using it.
  • Read the instruction manual and follow it.
  • Do not do electro play if you have a pacemaker. Always check before playing with a new partner. Do not assume your partner knows that pacemakers and electro-play are a bad combination.
  • Do not do electro-play if you have any kind of inbuilt/non-removable medical device in your body (such as, for example, an insulin pump). The electricity can damage your device, putting you at risk.
  • Do not do electro-play if you have a heart defect.
  • Do not do electro-play if you experience seizures.
  • Do not do electro-play if you are pregnant.
  • Remove any metal jewellery or accessories before you start.
  • Do not hold the device on one spot on the body for more than a second or two. Keep it moving. This will greatly reduce the risk of burns or skin damage.
  • If you experience intense pain or any sensation that worries you, stop immediately.
  • Do not use the device on the face or head, especially near the eyes or mouth.
  • Start out at a low setting, build up slowly, and listen to your body.

Kinklab Neon Wand Intensity Kit Review: Verdict

I love this kit. Though it’s easy to use, I think this kit is probably best enjoyed by more advanced players or those who know they enjoy more intense electro-play sensations. If you’re a complete beginner, I’d recommend starting out with a basic kit with glass electrodes.

The Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit retails for $187.99 and is available from Stockroom, Good Vibes and Babeland.

Thank you to Stockroom for sending us this product to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are my own.

The polyamory flag colours on a pink background for a post about what You Me Her got wrong about polyamory

All the Things “You, Me, Her” Got Wrong About Polyamory

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Regular readers might remember that I briefly flirted with a ridiculous quest to review and recap every episode of You, Me, Her, the polyamory-centered romcom that premiered on Netflix in 2016. However, this fizzled out somewhere in the middle of Season 1 because I ran out of time, energy and fucks to give about this stupid show.

By the way: if you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy my review of everything The L Word: Generation Q got wrong about polyamory.

You, Me, Her was inexplicably well-received, receiving an average review rating of 84% on Rotten Tomatoes and 7/10 on IMDB. However, I suspect the vast majority of the watchers and reviewers were monogamous people who enjoyed this show as a titillating peek into what they imagine polyamory to be like. Amongst polyamorous people, though, it was pretty much universally trashed.

Heads-up that this review contains spoilers for the first three seasons of You, Me, Her.

In case you haven’t seen it, You, Me, Her is an American comedy-drama series following suburban married couple Jack (Greg Poehler) and Emma (Rachel Blanchard.) Bored with their marriage, both members of the couple hire much younger sex worker, Izzy Silva (Priscilla Faia.) When they both fall in love with her, they decide to enter a polyamorous triad. Chaos ensues.

Instead of reviewing this mess one episode at a time, I thought I’d bring you all the things I think it got wrong about polyamory – so far – in one easy post.

1. Triads don’t typically start with married couples hiring the same escort

Or: Izzy would never date these two idiots.

Izzy is a 25-year-old college student who is doing sex work to pay her way through university. Jack hires her for a date and, when Emma finds out, she does the same thing because that’s how mature, married adults slap a bandage on cheating, apparently. However, Izzy inexplicably decides she’s super duper into both of them for real. This would never happen.

Any sex worker in Izzy’s place would do her job, take the money, and leave this pair to work out their shit in suburban hell by themselves. Polyamorous relationships can start in lots of ways, but “we both hired the same sex worker” isn’t one of them.

2. Being polyamorous in Portland would not destroy your life

This show is set in Portland, Oregon, a city that is not only famous for being super liberal, but where I know for a fact there’s a huge polyamorous community. Sure, there are some conservative people there as there are anywhere. But the idea that being outed as bisexual and/or non-monogamous in fucking Portland would totally destroy Emma’s life is wildly unrealistic. If the writers wanted that narrative to work, they should have set it in rural Alabama or something.

3. Partners are not commodities that you have to share out equally

Jack and Emma agree that they each get “two nights with her… I mean you” (that is, with Izzy) per week. They then have a debate about who “gets” Izzy first.

Do I really have to spell out all the ways this is gross beyond belief? She’s a human being, not a pie to be shared out in equal slices. Ethical polyamory does not involve married couples treating third parties like literal toys.

4. Using polyamory to save a failing marriage never works

The entire You, Me, Her polyamory situation begins when Jack and Emma decide they’ll each go on dates with Izzy, then come back fired up and ready to ravish the hell out of each other. However, that’s not how polyamory works. That’s also not how feelings or sexual desire work. And once again, it’s objectifying as hell. They’re basically using Izzy as a human sex toy.

Opening up the relationship isn’t how you inject sexual spark back into your ailing marriage. “Relationship broken, add more people” is a cliche because people attempt it all the time and it works… literally never.

Also, can we talk about how angry Jack gets mad Emma comes back from her date and isn’t up for fucking him right there and then? Your partner doesn’t owe you sex just because they just went on a date with someone else.

5. Jealousy is inevitable, but courting it isn’t healthy

Jealousy in polyamory is normal and fine, as long as you deal with it in a healthy way. Trying to make your partner jealous deliberately in order to make them want you more is manipulative, cruel, and ineffective.

Jack and Emma use Izzy to make each other jealous. Izzy then uses Andy, who is a kind of dick but seems to be really into her, to make Jack and Emma jealous. No-one is having a good time.

6. Polyamory isn’t just for rich white people

Jack and Emma are the type of white, affluent, married professionals you’d expect to see at a swingers’ club. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, except that the polyamorous community is actually hugely diverse and we’re all bored as hell of seeing every representation of polyamory reduced down to “rich white people who don’t like fucking their spouses any more.”

7. No-one falls for two people at the same rate, at the same time, and in the same way

Unfortunately, this is exactly what Jack and Emma expect of Izzy. In fact, it’s pretty much what all inexperienced unicorn hunters expect of their new partners and it is wildly unrealistic.

At one point in the show, it becomes apparent that Izzy’s connection with Emma is growing stronger while her connection with Jack is developing at a slower pace. Instead of dealing with his feelings or communicating with his partners, Jack throws a fit and fucks off for several days.

8. You don’t have to live with all your partners (and most people don’t)

Jack, Emma and Izzy move in together almost the moment they’ve decided to give a triad relationship a go. Not only is this the mother of all bad ideas, it’s also just unrealistic.

Most people, regardless of relationship structure, want to wait until a relationship is stable and established before cohabiting is even discussed. Many polyamorous people never want to live with all their partners. Many of us have one nesting parter. Others prefer to live alone.

By the way: regardless of relationship set-up, the trope of three people sharing a double bed every night trope is sweet but unrealistic. Being the middle spoon is lovely for about five seconds, until you overheat or both your partners start snoring.

9. Extremely conservative, homophobic parents don’t come around in three seconds flat

When Emma’s parents visit, they inevitably find out about the polyamory situation almost immediately. However, they also transition from being hyper-conservative, openly-homophobic bigots who only care about Emma having babies to being totally chill with everything in less than five minutes of screen time (which equates to perhaps an hour in plot-time).

People can come around, of course. People question their assumptions when they are directly confronted with them by someone they love. But it usually takes more time than this, and often much more.

10. Communication, not sex, is the way to solve your problems

Whenever Jack, Emma and Izzy have a relationship problem, they just fuck and it all goes away (until it inevitably returns, of course, because they didn’t actually address it.) Sex is great but it’s not a way to fix problems. Only honest, open, and respectful communication can do that.

And by the way? Treating someone like shit until they leave and then chasing them through an airport is not romantic.

11. And finally, we are all monumentally sick of MFF closed triads

Many people assume that all polyamory is one straight, cisgender man with two bisexual, cisgender women in a closed triad. Polyamorous newcomers often assume this is the most desirable configuration. However, it’s actually a fairly rare set-up, hard to attain and even harder to maintain over a long period of time. Yet it’s the only fucking representation the mainstream media is willing to give us.

Can we move on to something more representative and less male-gazey already, please?

You, Me, Her review: a bad show with worse messaging

I am convinced the people who made this show have either never met a polyamorous person or don’t like us very much. This is bad representation. It furthers negative stereotypes, it romanticises behaviour that is at best toxic and at worst abusive, and it views polyamory through the “tee-hee look at these weirdos” gaze of the monogamous world.

There are two more seasons of this show still to come, so maybe I’ll watch them and come back with a full review when we’ve seen how it ends. On the other hand, maybe I don’t hate myself that much.

Did you enjoy this You, Me, Her review of sorts? If so, please buy me a coffee!

Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Take Control bondage kit

[Kink Product Review] Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit

Published on by Amy

Sex toy kits are a fantastic idea in theory, but usually significantly less amazing in practice. Too often, they’re little more than a collection of cheap and poor-quality products shoved together in a pretty box and sold for a premium price. I’ll nearly always tell my readers to forego a kit and spend a bit more on just one or two quality items. However, I try to keep an open mind, which is why I agreed to review the Take Control Bondage Kit for beginners from Lovehoney.

Take Control: A Beginners’ Bondage Kit by Lovehoney

It’s been a very long time since I was new to BDSM. I’ve been doing kinky shit for well over a decade and have accrued a sizeable collection of toys, from basic staples to custom collars, premium impact toys, and more. So a beginner kit is not something I would ever buy for myself.

Therefore, I am trying to step back in time ten years or so in my mind, and view this BDSM starter kit through the eyes of someone who is just starting out, collecting their first beginner BDSM toys, or maybe wondering if they’re even kinky.

Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit: First Impressions

The Take Control Bondage Kit comes in one simple box, with all the products clearly displayed on the front so you know exactly what to expect. The packaging is brightly coloured and fun, reducing the intimidation factor for nervous new kinksters.

"Take Control" Lovehoney bondage kit
"Take Control" Lovehoney bondage kit in its box

There’s a LOT of information on the box, too. I appreciate that Lovehoney has provided a brief description on how to use each item as well as some basic information on safety and consent. The box reminds players to use safewords, never leave a bound person alone, and have a non-verbal safe signal if someone is gagged. It’s pretty 101-level stuff, but that’s also what a complete newcomer to kink is likely to need. Top marks for that.

I wasn’t delighted with the way the box was packed. Everything was just sort of piled in, each item wrapped in a cellophane wrapper. It’s a lot of unnecessary single-use plastic.

There is no real leather in this kit, making it vegan-friendly.

What’s in the Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit?

With that said, I think this is overall a decent beginners’ bondage kit. Many BDSM starter kits and sex toy kits generally are filled with things that aren’t even safe, let alone of good quality.

Let’s take a look at what’s inside, shall we? Just for fun, I’ve included a fun tip or an idea to try with each item in the Take Control kit. As always, pick the ones that resonate for you, leave the rest, and add your own ideas as you explore.

1: Blindfold

This blindfold is super comfy. It’s also thick and padded, meaning I couldn’t see a thing when it was on. The band is stretchy, too, so it should fit most people comfortably.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Blindfold your partner and stroke different items across their body – a silk scarf, a piece of velvet, the tails of your flogger – and have them guess what each item is.

2. Nipple suckers

I really liked these little suckers! They’re a great gentle introduction to nipple play, and perfect if you want some sensation but without the pain of nipple clamps or clothes pegs. They work for all chest sizes, from flat chests to large breasts, and most nipple sizes. If you flick or hit them too hard, they will fly off, but they can withstand some gentle manipulation.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Tell your partner to fetch you something from another room with these on. They’ll have to move carefully, though – they’ll be spanked if one falls off!

3. Ball gag

Full disclosure: I hate ball gags. I fucking hate them. They make my jaw hurt, they make me drool, and I can’t kiss my partner when I’m wearing one. They’re basically a soft limit at this point. With that said, this is a fine ball-gag if you do like them. The holes make it breathable, and silicone is a non-porous and hygienic material. I also like how adjustable this gag is. With 9 buckle holes, it will fit most people comfortably.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Make your submissive try to repeat words back to you while gagged.

4. Flogger

This is a stingy little fucker! Don’t let the small size fool you, this flogger can pack a wallop. The falls are made of thin rubber, which delivers a vicious sting when you put some force behind it. If pain isn’t your thing, you can drag it sensually across the skin for a gentle tickle. I would have liked the handle to have a bit more width and weight to it.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Try gently flogging the vulva or penis if your partner is up for it. Remember to clean your flogger thoroughly afterwards to remove any bodily fluids.

5. Wrist and ankle cuffs

These were the weakest part of the Take Control kit by far, for me. They’re quite thin and made of nylon, with no padding, which means they chafe if you put any pressure on them. They’re fine for exploring the feeling of being restrained, but if you want to pull against them at all I recommend getting some quality cuffs.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Restrain your partner then make them watch you masturbate in front of them.

6. Under-bed restraints

These are great, except for the tiny detail that they don’t fit my bed! We have a Super King bed and these restraints fit up to King Size. So they’ll be fine for the vast majority of people, but if you have a ridiculously giant bed like us, they may not fit.

These restraints are strong, durable, and easy to both set up and tuck out of sight when you’re done, if you want to. The little clips mean you can easily add any set of cuffs to them.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: when your partner is restrained, run a cube of ice along their body or drip low-temperature candle wax onto their skin.

7. Silicone suction cup dildo

Wow, a body-safe dildo in a BDSM kit! This shouldn’t be a pleasant surprise, and yet it is. This dildo measures 6″ in length and has a diameter of 1.5″. The slight curve is ideal for targeting the G-spot or prostate, and the silicone is super soft and silky. The suction cup and hollow space for a bullet vibrator are great additions.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Tease your lover’s entrance with the dildo until they beg to have it inside them.

8. Strap-on harness

This is the same harness that Lovehoney sells as part of their basic strap-on sex/pegging kit a few years ago. It’s comfortable and the rings are interchangeable so you can use it with any dildo with a flared base. However, it’s a pretty basic harness and you’ll want to upgrade to a higher-quality harness if you find you enjoy strap-on play.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: If you have a vulva, insert a wearable vibrator before you put on your harness. This will stimulate you while you penetrate your partner.

9. Wired bullet vibrator

I was fully expecting this bullet vibrator to be awful. While it’s far from the strongest bullet vibrator in the world and it is a little buzzy, it’s not a bad basic bullet for the size and price. It has several patterns as well as steady vibration speeds.

I don’t love that it’s wired rather than cordless, but the wire is long enough for one partner to control the remote while the other holds the vibrator against their genitals. The bullet takes 2x AAA batteries, which are not included.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Switch it off just when your lover is on the edge of orgasm and make them beg for release.

Lovehoney Take Control Beginners’ Bondage Kit: Verdict

On the whole, the Take Control Bondage Kit is a very solid basic beginners’ set for the price. If you’re brand new to exploring your kinks, you get a lot of bang for your buck here.

The Take Control kit retails for £79.99 UK/$99.99 US.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this kit in exchange for an honest review. If you choose to purchase this or anything else from Lovehoney, please buy through my affiliate links – it supports the blog at no extra cost to you!

Header image for Glas Red Head review

[Toy Review] Gläs Red Head

Published on by Amy

I love glass toys, I love pretty toys, and I love double-ended toys. So when the team at sex toy retailer The Adult Toy Shop offered me this beauty, the Gläs Toys double-ended “Red Head” glass dildo, I jumped at the chance.

Gläs Toys Red Head: Details

The Gläs Red Head is a double-ended borosilicate glass dildo measuring 8.5″ in total length. It has a diameter of 1.5″ at the widest points of the heads and 1″ along the shaft. Unlike many double-ended dildos, both ends are the exact same size.

Glas Toys Red Head, a curved glass dildo with red swirl detailing on its two bulbed heads
Image: Gläs

The Gläs Toys Red Head is really pretty. I always find glass toys aesthetically appealing, and the red wave pattern on each of the heads gives this one a unique and striking appearance.

Is Glass Body-Safe?

Short answer: yes!

A properly made glass dildo won’t break unless you drop it or it suffers a similar impact. They don’t just shatter and I have never heard of one breaking inside someone. Borosilicate glass, the kind that good glass toys are made of, is what you find in “Pyrex” and similar cookware. It’s hardy stuff and can withstand temperature changes well.

Glass is non-toxic, non-porous, chemically inert and generally hypoallergenic. It is also compatible with all barrier materials and all lube types, including silicone lube. In short, a great choice! Glass is generally an anal-safe material, but the Gläs Toys Red Head doesn’t have a flared base so don’t use this one anally.

Glass toys are smooth yet unyielding, and initially cold to the touch but warm up surprisingly quickly with your body’s heat. Run your toy under warm (not hot!) water or put it in the fridge (not the freezer!) prior to use for some fun temperature-based play.

The Gläs Toys Red Head In Use

I’ve sometimes struggled with straight glass toys because, as they’re so rigid, it can be hard to angle them just right. They end up pressing into the wrong spot inside me, which can be painful. That’s why I love the curved shape of the Gläs Red Head coupled with its ultra-smooth surface.

The combination of this curve and the bulbous heads made the Gläs Toys Red Head ideal for targeted and intense G-spot pleasure.

If you enjoy internal vibrations, insert your glass dildo then press a wand or other powerful vibrator against the end that’s outside your body. The glass will transmit the vibrations with extra intensity.

Gläs Toys Red Head: Verdict

Yes, this is a wonderful little (or not so little) toy for the price! It’s body-safe, super pretty, it feels delicious, and it’s perfect for both solo and partnered play. A perfect beginner glass toy, or even a good addition to an afficionado’s collection.

The Gläs Toys Red Head retails for $39.99 at The Adult Toy Shop.

This unbiased review was sponsored by The Adult Toy Shop, who carry a wide range of very affordable sex toys. All views and writing are, as always, my own.

Header image for Womanizer Premium review

[Toy Review] Womanizer Premium

Published on by Amy

Update 03/07/24: the Womanizer Premium has been replaced by the Womanizer Premium 2. Check out my review or buy it from the retailers listed at the end of this post. I’ve left this Womanizer Premium review up for information and because a lot of the points I’ve made here still apply to the new iteration of the legendary Womanizer clit sucker.

I’ve been wanting to get my hands on a Womanizer toy for so long. I missed the initial buzz as the first few Womanizer models were already old news by the time I started blogging. However, there are now new models out, and I was lucky enough to receive one to try out.

Let’s dive into the Womanizer Premium review.

Womanizer Premium: Details

Womanizer was the first company to create clitoral suction toys of the kind that are now made by a whole host of manufacturers. Many sex toy experts hold them up as the original and best, while others say they’re overpriced and the more affordable equivalents do just as good a job.

The Womanizer Premium is the latest in Womanizer’s line of clit sucker toys utilising their patented “Pleasure Air Technology”. The toy’s nozzle creates a seal around the clitoris and the toy provides stimulation via rapid pulses of air.

Womanizer Premium black clitoral suction toy
Image: Womanizer

The Womanizer Premium has a simple interface of 4 buttons. The bottom button just above the charging point switches the toy on and off, the one with a little wave pattern on it switches in and out of Auto Pilot mode, and the +/- buttons adjust the speeds. The buttons are easy to press and well positioned.

This toy is USB rechargeable, waterproof, and ergonomically designed to fit comfortably in the user’s hand. The nozzle is made of body-safe silicone, and the body is coated in the same.

Womanizer Review: Premium Product, Premium Packaging… Premium Pricetag

The Womanizer Premium lives up to its name before you even take it out of the box. The packaging is elaborate and decorated in a style which makes me think of perfume or high-end make-up, with a clear section where you can see the toy. Included with the toy is the charging cable, a convenient storage bag, and two nozzles of different sizes (so you can swap them out depending on what suits your body, or switch them between partners for safer sex reasons.)

The Womanizer Premium black box.
The Womanizer Premium clit sucker in its box

The Womanizer Premium also comes with a premium pricetag. At the time of writing, it retails for £169.99 ($199.99 US). Do I think it’s worth it? Eh… maybe.

If you can drop this kind of money on a toy, it’s an investment in your pleasure that will last you for years. On the other hand, the Classic model is just as good unless you care about the Premium’s special features.

Womanizer Premium Review: Special Features

The Womanizer Premium has three defining features which set it apart from Womanizer’s lower priced models and other brands’ clit sucker toys:

  • It boasts a massive 12 speed settings (the Womanizer Classic has only 8.) The lowest setting is lower and the highest setting is higher than ever before.
  • It has a truly fantastic feature known as Smart Silence. Smart Silence uses sensors to allow the toy to turn itself off automatically when it’s not in contact with the body and then back on again (at the same setting) when contact is reestablished. I’m obsessed with this feature, particularly for anyone who needs more discretion in their toy use.
  • Finally, there’s the Auto Pilot mode. I actually hate this with a ferocity that surprised me, because it’s really little more than a glorified pattern. In Auto Pilot mode, the intensity moves automatically between speeds (within a range of 4, which you can turn up or down). Which, no. I want to be in control when I’m using a toy! It can ruin my chances of orgasm if the stimulation changes suddenly when I’m getting close. I had to test this function for the review and now I will never use it again and forget it exists.

What I Liked About This Toy

This thing is fucking amazing. That’s it, that’s the Womanizer Premium review.

The best description I can give of how this toy feels? It’s like it is caressing your clit with a fierce determination to rip an orgasm from you whether you want it to or not, and when it does it’s the kind of orgasm that drenches the sheets and wakes the neighbours.

At least that was my experience.

It took me a while to come around to suction toys. However, now I’ve tried a fair few and the good ones are really good. I’d describe the Womanizer Premium as gentler than some others I’ve tried, even at the higher settings. Not in the sense of being lower powered – far from it, it packs a punch on the higher settings – but the overall effect is somehow smoother. If you’ve got a super sensitive clit or have found other suction toys too intense or harsh for you, the Womanizer Premium on the lower settings might be the perfect choice.

Anything I Didn’t Love?

Well, that stupid Auto Pilot setting, but it’s easy to forget that exists. The Womanizer Premium is also not the quietest, even when the toy is pressed against a body. For reference, my partner could hear it in the next room quite clearly even with the door closed.

Womanizer Premium Review: Verdict

If you can afford to drop close to £200 on a toy and want something really luxurious that will last you for many years, I can’t recommend the Womanizer Premium enough.

Since writing this post originally, this product has been replaced by the Womanizer Premium 2. This new and improved version is available from retailers such as Lovehoney UK, Lovehoney US, SheVibe, Sex Toys UK, Good Vibes, Babeland, and of course Womanizer themselves.

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me this product to review. All views are, as ever, entirely my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.

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[Toy Review] Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Thrusting Realistic Rabbit Vibrator

Published on by Amy

I approached this Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Thrusting review with some trepidation. I haven’t had the best relationship with rabbit vibrators up until now. For every one I love there are ten I hate and several I feel indifferent towards. There are three main reasons for this:

First, I don’t like internal vibrations. I find them uncomfortable or even painful, rarely pleasurable.

Second, most rabbit vibrators treat the clit as an afterthought, putting the weakest and buzziest vibrations in the rabbit “ears.”

Finally, the design of rabbit vibrators means that most of them will only work for a small number of bodies. Unless you have exactly the vagina-to-clit distance the designer envisioned, the toy probably won’t work as intended for you.

With that said, let’s look at the Thrusting Rabbit from the Lovehoney Happy Rabbit range.

Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Thrusting

The Thrusting Happy Rabbit is a hot pink rabbit-style vibrator with a thrusting shaft and two vibrating ears. It measures 9″ in total length and 5″ in insertable length. Its shaft has a diameter of 1.5″. It is fully waterproof and submersible, and USB rechargeable with a 150-minute charge giving 120 minutes of runtime.

Every toy in the Happy Rabbit range is made from body-safe silicone. A far cry from the horrible jelly things that everyone went mad for after that episode of Sex & the City aired 20 years ago.

Happy Rabbit Thrusting Vibrator: What I Liked

Let’s not bury the lede here: this toy gave me an orgasm, and it did so in under five minutes. Not an insignificant feat for any toy, and for a rabbit vibrator it’s downright impressive.

Lovehoney Happy Rabbit thrusting vibrator in hot pink
Image: Lovehoney

The Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Thrusting’s main selling point is, obviously, the thrusting mechanism. And, I have to say, it is excellent. There are three thrusting speeds to choose from, and personally I preferred the slowest. I found the higher speeds a little too intense to be pleasurable, but “hard pounding” has never really been my thing. Your mileage may vary.

The rabbit ears are thick and firm, and have a massive fifteen different vibration settings to choose from. I like that the clitoral arm has some flexibility, so you can maneuver it to fit with your body, but isn’t so flexible that getting any kind of pressure is impossible. The vibrations themselves are moderately powerful, if not exactly “blow your socks off.” I also love that the shaft doesn’t vibrate, just the ears.

What I Didn’t Like

The main downside of the Lovehoney Happy Rabbit is the sound. While I wouldn’t exactly describe it as “loud” in the true sense, the thrusting mechanism makes a noise I can best describe as “squeaking.” I could just about tune it out long enough to get off, but it’s a significant distraction and not a pleasant sensory experience.

Lovehoney Happy Rabbit thrusting vibrator in hot pink
Image: Lovehoney

The buttons are also pretty annoying. There are two buttons: one for the thrusting motion and one for the vibrating ears. Having to scroll all the way through fifteen settings to go back a step is frustrating. It breaks my flow in use and is not something I’d expect from a toy at this kind of price-point.

Finally, cleaning the Happy Rabbit Thrusting is a pain. Those little creases around the thrusting mechanism are traps for bodily fluids and bacteria.

Verdict: Did the Thrusting Rabbit Make Me Happy?

Overall, I was surprised by how much I liked the Lovehoney Happy Rabbit Thrusting. Despite my complaints about the noise, buttons, and germ-trap silicone creases, please don’t forget that this toy got me off in under five minutes. Its design is good, the thrusting motion is excellent, and the vibrating ears don’t appear to be an afterthought.

If you enjoy dual stimulation but prefer thrusting to internal vibrations, this could be a good option for you.

The Happy Rabbit Thrusting retails for £99.99 from Lovehoney UK and $139.99 from Lovehoney US. It is also available from Good Vibes, Babeland, and Sex Toys UK.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the Thrusting Happy Rabbit vibrator to review. All views are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.