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Trauma Informed Polyamory: How Harmful Past Experiences Can Impact Your Polyamorous Relationships and 5 Things You Can Do About It [Polyamory Conversation Cards #17]

Published on by Amy

Unless we have been exceptionally lucky, almost all of us have experienced pain, harm, and trauma in our lives. This can range from the regular “difficult stuff” of life (bad breakups, relationship struggles, work woes, money worries, and so on) through to abuse, loss and grief, serious illness or injury, and more. We carry these experiences with us and, in many cases, they can continue to harm us long after the original bad thing has passed. In both polyamory and monogamy, taking a trauma informed approach can help to mitigate the impact of those bad experiences in future relationships.

In case you missed it, this post is part of a series inspired by Odder Being’s Polyamory Conversation Cards. As often as I can, I’ll pull a card at random and write a piece of content based on it. There will likely be some essays, advice pieces, personal experiences, rants, and more! You can read the whole series at the dedicated tag. And if you want to support my work and get occasional bonus content, head on over to my Patreon.

This week’s card asks:

“What do your partners need to know about anxieties or bad experiences you’ve had in the past that might influence your relationships?”

So today we’re talking how harmful past experiences that can impact your polyamorous relationships and how to navigate these challenges successfully by taking a trauma informed approach to polyamory.

How Past Harms Can Impact Current Relationships

We are all a product of the various life experiences we have had, beginning pretty much from birth. There is now good evidence, for example, that our attachment styles are formed in very early childhood in response to our relationships with our primary caregivers. Bad experiences in relationships, in particular—from painful breakups to abuse—can continue to impact us in future relationships.

Has your partner ever done something, even innocuously or with good intentions, that reminded you of a past trauma or a bad experience in another relationship? If so, you might be familiar with those awful feelings of your stomach dropping, your nervous system kicking into high gear, or your fight-flight-freeze-fawn impulses jumping to life.

Perhaps you reacted badly, as though you were still living through the past experience. Perhaps you got extremely upset or distressed, or fought with your partner. Maybe they were confused, hurt, or angry because they didn’t understand where this extreme reaction had come from.

In a less obvious but no less damaging way, harmful past experiences can cause us to put up walls, refuse to make ourselves vulnerable, hold back from trusting even the most trustworthy partners, or even hesitate to form intimate relationships at all.

A Trauma Informed Approach to Love and Relationships: How Past Harms Can Show Up in Polyamory

In many ways, the manifestation of harmful and traumatic past experiences in present relationships is broadly similar whether you’re monogamous or polyamorous. However, there are particular and specific ways this can manifest in polyamory that aren’t relevant in monogamy. Most commonly, this appears in the context of your feelings about or reactions to your partner(s) having relationships with other people.

For example, past relationship traumas or attachment wounds can manifest in extreme jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity, or anxiety around your partners’ other relationships. Some people will turn these feelings outwards, attempting to control their partners or implement rigid rules in an attempt to keep themselves safe. Others will turn them inwards, convincing themselves that they are unworthy, unloveable, and that their partners are inevitably going to leave them for other people.

You might experience intense feelings such as sadness or rage, or you might feel empty or “numb”. You might experience intense feelings of fear, rejection, abandonment and so on. This can happen even if polyamory is something you genuinely want and are wholeheartedly on board with and consenting to.

…And 5 Positive Things You Can Do About It

So you’ve identified that in some way, your past experiences are having a detrimental impact on your current relationship(s.) In this section we’ll look at five things you can do about it.

This is not a recipe to never feel difficult feelings in polyamory again. This also isn’t a substitute for professional support in dealing with your struggles. It’s just a collecton of tools that I and my partners and friends have found helpful, in the hope that some of them might help you too.

1. Take Stock to Make Sure Patterns Aren’t Repeating

Sometimes, triggers or responses to bad past experiences are inaccurate. They are simply your mind trying to protect you and being a little over-vigilant about it (more on this in section 5 below). However, sometimes they’re also on to something real.

Take a moment, once you’ve calmed your immediate nervous system response, to take a critical look at your situation and take stock. What is actually happening? How do you feel about it? A trauma informed approach to polyamory, and relationships generally, also involves making sure damaging patterns aren’t repeating.

It is possible that your current partner really is doing something similar to you that a past partner did, whether intentionally or accidentally. If so, this might require action, from talking to your partner up to leaving the relationship. It’s also possible that your feelings are revealing an unmet need in your relationships, which you can address with your partner(s) once you’ve identified it.

In other words, before you assume your reaction is irrational or doesn’t reflect your current reality, make sure that’s actually true. Trauma survivors are notoriously good at gaslighting ourselves and convincing ourselves that our valid and rational responses to present harm are simply a manifestation of our past experiences.

2. Talk to Your Partner(s) and Ask For What You Need

Good partners want to love and support you through difficulties. In safe relationships, it is vital that you have a space to tell your partners that you are struggling and ask for support.

Try to have this conversation when you’re calm, not while triggered or in the immediate aftermath. Tell your partner(s) about the past experiences that are coming up for you, how you are feeling, what strategies you’ve tried so far if any, and what you think you might need from them.

It’s also okay to not be sure what you need and to ask your partner(s) to help you come up with possible solutions, try things out, and figure it out as you go.

3. See a Trauma Informed, Polyamory-Informed Therapist

When it comes to dealing with trauma or bad past experiences, there is really no substitute for professional therapy. If you can possibly afford it (or live in a country with a functioning socialised mental health system!) then get yourself into therapy. Many therapists also offer sliding scale systems to help those on lower incomes to access treatment. Look for a sex-positive and polyamory-informed therapist if you can.

In addition to trauma informed therapy (not instead of!), some people may find it helpful to work with a polyamory relationship coach. Coaches are not therapists, and are not qualified to help you through trauma and mental health struggles. However, they can help you to develop skills that will improve your polyamorous relationships, teach you more about yourself, and teach you various tools you can use to manage challenges when they come up.

4. Trauma Informed Polyamory Practice: Learn to Identify Your Triggers (and Short-Circuit Them)

Chances are, if you pay attention, you will be able to identify some common themes in the specific past experiences that are coming up for you and the ways that they manifest in your relationship(s.) Start identifying your specific triggers, or the things that cause you to feel those intense and painful feelings associated with past trauma.

Once you understand what’s being triggered and why, you can implement strategies to bring yourself out of that place more quickly. What will work for you is deeply personal, but here are a few possibilities you might like to try:

  • Giving yourself reassurance, either out loud or in your head, that you are safe and that your partner is not the person/people who harmed you (my therapist likes the phrase “that was then, and this is now”)
  • Taking some deep, intentional breaths (e.g. breathing in for a count of four, holding, then breathing out for another count of four)
  • Doing something physical such as dancing, running, yoga, or even just a few stretches
  • Pausing to count to 10 before reacting
  • Distracting yourself with reading, TV, a video game, a craft project, or any other activity you enjoy
  • Getting out of your head and into your body by doing something physically pleasurable such as taking a hot bath or masturbating

By learning how to calm your nervous system from the immediate, overwhelming intensity of a triggering incident, you can better self-regulate and then address things from a healthier and calmer place.

5. Trauma Informed Polyamory Practice: Give Yourself Time and Grace

Here’s something I want you to understand: in holding on to these past experiences, your mind and body are trying to keep you safe. They want to prevent you from further harm and keep you from finding yourself in the same situation again.

That is amazing.

If you can, try to show grace and give thanks to the parts of you that are trying to protect you, even while reminding them that they can dial back their vigilance because you are safe now.

I find the technique of self-parenting helpful here. What would you say to an upset or distressed child who was feeling something like what you’re feeling? How would you treat them? Now offer that support, understanding, and compassion to yourself.

These things take time. Your traumatic or harmful past experiences were real and it’s understandable that they still impact you. But you’ve got this.

Trauma Informed Polyamory and Relationships: Resources

This stuff is complicated and I cannot possibly create a comprehensive guide. These are a few resources that helped me; maybe they’ll help you too.

This post contains affiliate links.

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[Toy Review] Vibeology Aeronaut Mini Vibe

Published on by Amy

I don’t even know how many bullet vibrators I’ve tried at this point. They’re one of the most ubiquitous and popular sex toy models of all, and there must be thousands of variations on this theme on the market. Really good bullets, though? They’re much rarer. One such bullet vibrator landed in my review queue this week, though: Vibeology Aeronaut Mini Vibe.

What is the Vibeology Aeronaut?

Vibeology Aeronaut mini vibe black plastic bullet vibrator

The Vibeology Aeronaut is a bullet vibrator measuring 3.5″ in length and in the classic rounded-end shape. Its main body is made of ABS plastic, which is body-safe and non-porous as well as super easy to clean. The single button, located on the base, is made of silicone.

This toy is IPX7 waterproof, meaning it can be submerged in water for up to 30 minutes at a time. It is also USB rechargeable via the included magnetic cable. I got over an hour of use out of a full charge.

Vibeology Aeronaut Mini Bullet Vibrator Review: Pros

Fundamentally, the Vibeology Aeronaut Mini Vibe is simply a damn good basic bullet vibrator. Its vibrations are surprisingly strong for its small size and low price-point, and also much more rumbly than I expected. Since plastic transmits vibrations well with minimal dampening, I can really feel them throughout my entire clit and vulva.

Vibeology Aeronaut mini vibe black plastic bullet vibrator

The shape allows for both broader stimulation with the long edge, or more targeting with the rounded end. I also appreciate this toy’s clicky, easy-to-press button and light weight.

Vibeology Aeronaut Mini Bullet Vibrator Review: Cons

My only major complaint about the Vibeology Aeronaut is its single-button interface. I always prefer to be able to scroll both ways through patterns and speeds. The Aeronaut has 3 constant speeds and 7 patterns, so having to cycle through all of them is a bit annoying.

Vibeology Aeronaut mini vibe button close-up

One downside that is pretty consistent with bullet vibes I’ve reviewed is the transmission of vibrations into your hand, and the Aeronaut mini vibrator is no different. This tends to be more noticeable with plastic toys than silicone ones. It doesn’t bother me that much for short stints of use, but if you have pain or nerve issues in your hands it’s something to be aware of.

Aeronaut Mini Vibe: Verdict

If you’re looking for a good quality basic bullet with strong vibrations, particularly if you’re on a budget, the Vibeology Aeronaut is a fantastic pick. Considering its low price-point, I’m genuinely impressed at just how good this toy is.

The Aeronaut Mini Vibe retails for a super budget-friendly £15/$19.99.

Thanks to Shevibe for sending me the Vibeology Aeronaut mini bullet vibrator to test and review. All views and writing are mine, as always. Affiliate links appear in this post and using them helps to keep the blog going!

Header image for The One Flicker Vibrator sex toy review

[Toy Review] The One Flicker Vibe

Published on by Amy

Following yesterday’s review of The One Wand vibrator, I’m back with the next installment in this series of toy reviews featuring new brand The One. In the UK, The One is exclusively available at Sex Toys UK. Elsewhere in the world, you can find these products at various toy retailers including Good Vibes and Babeland. Next up is The One Flicker Vibrator.

What is The One Flicker Vibrator?

The One Flicker Vibe tongue vibrator

The One Flicker Vibe is a curved toy measuring just under 10″ in length and 1.42″ in diameter at the widest point. Made of smooth body-safe silicone, it is also waterproof and USB rechargeable. A two-hour charge gives around 90 minutes of use.

The One Flicker Vibe a single-shaft vibrator with two independent motors. What makes this toy unique is its silicone “tongue” at one end, which flicks rapidly back and forth. The other end is a fairly standard insertable vibrator featuring a series of gentle ridges.

I admit I mostly requested this one for review out of curiosity. My initial reaction when I saw it was “what!? …huh.” But is it actually any good?

The One Flicker Sex Toy Review: Pros

Let’s get the most important thing out of the way: does it feel good? Surprisingly (to me at least), it does. The One Flicker Vibrator provides a rapid tapping sort of sensation against the G-spot, not unlike being fingered by someone with very good manual dexterity. As someone who doesn’t like the sensation of vibrations internally, this was a pleasant change: a motorised G-spot toy I can actually use and enjoy!

The One Flicker Vibe

So what else did I like about the One Flicker Vibe?

  • The curved shape makes the toy comfortable to insert and makes it effortless to find (and keep contact with) the G-spot.
  • The vibrating end has a half-decent motor. It’s not super rumbly, but it at least has some power behind it.
  • The two-in-one design means that, if you decide you’re in the mood for vibrations rather than flicking or vice-versa, you can just switch motors and turn it around without needing to grab a different toy.
  • It is comfortable to hold, with well-placed and easy to press buttons.
  • It works just as well for clitoral stimulation. I haven’t found that the flicking motion against my clit can actually get me off, but it does feel really fucking good.

The One Flicker Vibrator: Cons

This vibrator is really all about the flicker end for me. The regular vibrator end is fine, but not realistically something I’m likely to use with any kind of regularity.

The One Flicker Vibe G-spot vibrator end

There were also a few other gripes I had with this toy:

  • I don’t love the two-button interface. It’s good that you can control the flicker function and the vibrations separately, but makes it a pain to scroll through all the settings (three speeds and seven patterns per motor) to go backwards or find one you liked.
  • This toy is a nightmare to clean. It’s really hard to get around and behind the tongue to ensure it is completely clean. A very small brush that can get into all the crevices is probably your best bet.
  • It’s a little on the heavy side.

Also, I’m really annoyed that the copy on the box states you can use this toy for the “P-spot”, AKA the prostate. The Flicker Vibrator does not have a flared base and therefore absolutely should not be used anally.

Verdict

This toy offers quite a specific sensation, which is great if you enjoy it but pretty useless if you don’t. (Well, not completely useless. You can still use the vibrating end. But there are cheaper and better basic vibrators on the market if that’s what you’re looking for.)

If you want a toy that somewhat mimics the sensation of fingers making a “come hither” motion inside you (and/or tapping against your clit), you’ll probably enjoy this one. I certainly did.

The Flicker Vibe retails for £68.36 at Sex Toys UK and $117.95 at Babeland and Good Vibes.

Thanks to Sex Toys UK for sending me the One Flicker Vibrator to review. All views and writing are, as always, mine. If you shop through my affiliate links I make a small commission at no additional cost to you.

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[Lube Review] Vibeology Blend Hybrid Lube

Published on by Amy

The vast majority of the lubricants I use, test, and recommend are water-based. This is because water-based lube goes with everything. However, I do enjoy trying different things sometimes! I recently reviewed Vibeology’s Pure Organic Water Based Lube, which I loved. Along with it, I also received a bottle of their Blend Hybrid Lube to review.

Let’s find out if it’s as good as its water-based counterpart.

What is Hybrid Lube and What Are Its Benefits?

Bottle of Vibeology Blend hybrid lube

Hybrid lube is, essentially, a combinated of water-based and silicone-based. In some situations and for some users, hybrid lubes can offer the best of both worlds. You get the natural feel of a water-based product, coupled with the ultra-smooth and long-lasting properties of silicone lube. They can also be easier to clean up than pure silicone lubes (though there’s still the risk of staining your sheets if you spill it, so consider putting a towel down.)

Some people also find that hybrid lube is less likely to damage silicone sex toys. I still recommend using caution and doing a patch test first, though, as this is not an exact science.

Hybrid lubes (or pure silicone lubes) can be a good choice if you’re having sex in water. This is because the silicone will not wash away anywhere near as quickly and easily as a water-based product would.

Vibeology Blend Hybrid Lube: What’s In It?

The most important element of any lubricant is its ingredients list. Let’s have a look at what’s in Vibeology Blend:

  • Purified water
  • Cyclopentasiloxane: A clear and odourless lightweight silicone. Some studies have linked this substance to cancers and reproductive harm in animal studies. This gives me pause, though two studies have shown that very little of the chemical penetrates the skin in humans, negating its possible endocrine-disrupting side effects. In general, it is considered safe for cosmetic use, though there is not an absolute consensus on this.
  • Dimethicone: This silicone-based polymer is commonly used in skincare products. It helps to condition and protect the skin by forming a barrier that reduces water loss. It has a low rate of absorption into the skin and experts believe it is safe for human use. In the US, it has been approved by the FDA.
  • Dimethiconol: Another silicone-based liquid polymer that is used as a skin conditioner and to improve viscosity in silicone-based products. As it is a large molecule, it does not penetrate the skin and is likely a safe ingredient.
  • PEG-8 Dimethicone: A synthetic emollient that can lock in moisture and help to keep skin hydrated. It is generally safe.
  • Propanediol: I did a deep dive into this one for my Wicked Simply Aqua review. Executive summary: various sources say that it is an alternative to propylene glycol. Some say it is safer than propylene glycol, others say it has basically the same effects in the body. The key difference is that it is derived from corn and its production is less environmentally damaging. These ingredients raise osmolality, which can cause irritation. Some sources also link them to an increased risk of yeast infections and UTIs. For that reason, I’m not thrilled about seeing it in this hybrid lube.
  • Hydroxyethyl Cellulose: A plant-derived gelling and thickening agent thought to be safe and not to hinder sperm motility.
  • Sodium Benzoate: A food-grade preservative that is likely harmless in small quantities.
  • Potassium Sorbate: Another food-safe preservative that is fine in low concentrations.
  • Disodium EDTA: This is another one I’ve looked into for a past post. It is a stabilising agent that numerous sources sources mark as an ingredient of concern. It is also a penetration enhancer, which means it facilitates the absorption of various compounds through mucus membrances (such as the vagina or anus,) and can cause irritation.
  • Citric Acid: Yet another preservative, also likely harmless in small quantities.

I don’t love this.

I was really hopeful about this hybrid lube after how much I gushed about Vibeology Pure in my review. However, the potential issues associated with disodium EDTA and propanediol concern me a lot, particularly when it comes to any kind of internal use.

There’s nothing here that is an immediate and unqualified “EXTREMELY TOXIC, RUN AWAY” red flag, but my vulva is prone to sensitivity and easy irritation, so I tend to be very cautious about my lube ingredients.

Vibeology Blend Hybrid Lube is vegan and cruelty-free.

Vibeology Blend Hybrid Lube Review: Performance and Sensory Profile

Vibeology Blend hybrid lube ingredients

It’s a shame about those couple of worrying ingredients, because I actually really love the feel and usability of Vibeology Blend. It flows well thanks to its very thin consistency, spreads easily, and lasts really well. You really only need a tiny bit at a time.

This lube feels smooth and non-sticky on my skin. I do find that it leaves a slight residue behind after use, but it’s mostly just that my skin feels extra smooth and slippery until I’ve washed it off.

Blend Hybrid Lube has a very mild, slightly tangy scent and a similar taste. It’s unobtrustive to use, and works with rather than against my body’s natural lubrication.

Clean-up is more of a hassle than it is with water-based lubes, but easier than it is with pure silicone. With warm water and soap, this lube washes off my body quickly and easily. (Don’t spill it all over your desk and keyboard when you’re writing a review, though. Ask me how I know.)

Verdict

Great in-use performance and sensory profile, but I cannot get past those questionable ingredients enough to recommend this one. As always, risk profiles are personal and yours may be different from mine. If you’re happy with the risk profile of the ingredients I’ve highlighted, this is a versatile and useable lube. Personally, though, I’m unlikely to use it again.

If you’re looking for an alternative hybride lube without propanediol or EDTA, check out Sliquid’s Silk Hybrid or their Organics Aloe-Based Hybrid.

Vibeology Blend Hybrid Lube retails for $24/18.15 for 8 fl oz and $16/£12.10 for 4 fl oz.

Thanks to Shevibe for sending me a sample of Vibeology Blend Hybrid Lube to test and review! All views, as always, are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image for a post on the best vibrating butt plugs for anal august 2024, featuring a woman's hand holding a blue silicone butt plug in the palm

Buying Guide: The Best Vibrating Butt Plugs for Anal August and Beyond

Published on by Amy

We’re still in Anal August, just about! But, of course, any time of year is a great time to experiment with anal play if you’re interested or curious. So, following on from my round-ups of the best butt plugs and the best anal beads, I’m bringing you my final Anal August buying guide: today we’re looking at the best vibrating butt plugs currently on the market.

Black silicone and silver stainless steel butt plugs, for a post on the best vibrating butt plugs on the market

To learn more about butt plugs more generally, as well as how to choose a safe and quality one, refer back to my best butt plugs roundup linked in the paragraph above. In it, I share what makes a butt plug safe or unsafe, how to use them safely and pleasurably, and some things to look out for when shopping.

In a very small nutshell, a butt plug must always:

  • Have a flared base, large handle, or something similar to stop it slipping all the way inside you
  • Be made of a body-safe and non-porous material such as silicone, glass, or stainless steel

It’s also essential to use plenty of lube when you’re playing with an anal plug since the butt isn’t self-lubricating.

About This List

Three silicone butt plugs in black, purple and pink, for a post on the best vibrating butt plugs on the market

None of my buying guides are, or pretend to be, comprehensive lists of all the great options available. There are thousands of these products on the market of varying quality. I am simply here to guide you towards some of the possible vibrating butt plug options that might suit you.

Everything listed here is from a manufacturer/retailer I trust, and links are affiliate links. This means that if you click on the links and make a purchase, I earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. I do not work for or claim to represent any of these companies, and any purchase you make is a contract with them and not with me.

Everything I recommend here is made of a body-safe material and is, to the best of my knowledge, safe for normal use. Where possible, I have tried to provide options at a range of price points. Products in lists are ordered from the cheapest to the most expensive.

Let’s dive in.

Best Vibrating Silicone Anal Plugs

A basic vibrating butt plug made of silicone is a great option if you are exploring these toys for the first time. There are countless options available, but these are a few I’d suggest starting with:

Best Remote Control Butt Plugs

One of the downsides of vibrating butt plugs with controls on the toy is that it can be difficult to change the settings when it’s inside you. You can sidestep that problem with remote control plugs like these:

Best App Control Butt Plugs

Enjoy using remote control toys? Step it up a notch with app-controlled toys. These are also a great option if you want to play with a partner long-distance. These are some of the very best vibrating butt plugs with app control options in my opinion.

Best Rimming Plugs

This section is going to be a bit different as I don’t have options from multiple manufacturers for you here. Rimming plugs were invented and pioneered by B-Vibe, and they are still pretty much the only company making them! In short, rimming plugs utilise rotating beads in the neck to mimic the sensation of being rimmed (that’s when someone uses their tongue on your butt. Many people find it incredibly erotic.)

Check out B-Vibe’s vibrating rimming butt plug range, which come in sizes from petite to extra large and range in price from $159.99 to $174.99.

Best Vibrating Glass and Metal Anal Plugs

There are many glass and metal butt plugs on the market, but far fewer that vibrate. As such, I’ve combined them into one for this post. If you’re in the mood for something rigid, glass and metal are great options. They’re also great for temperature play as they conduct heat well. And, since they don’t dampen the vibrations in the same way that silicone does, they can be seriously intense.

Best Vibrating Butt Plugs Under £25/$30

You don’t need to spend a fortune to get safe and quality toys! In my opinion, these are some of the best vibrating butt plugs available for those on a budget.

Purple silicone butt plug and lube held in a woman's hands, for a post on the best vibrating butt plugs on the market

I hope this list of some of the best vibrating butt plugs has been helpful! Please let me know if you have any questions or if there’s a particular buying guide you want me to do next.

Header image for Tantaly Candice 2.0 review featuring the doll on a pink and green background

[Toy Review] Tantaly Candice 2.0 Sex Doll

Published on by Amy

Sometimes, I step back and realise how actually bonkers my job is. One of those moments was when a comically enormous parcel arrived on my doorstep last week. I don’t think I will ever forget the expression on my nesting partner’s face when I explained “it’s a sex doll!” To be exact, it was the Tantaly Candice 2.0 sex doll for me to review.

I have wanted to review a sex doll for a very long time, so thank you to Tantaly for sending me the Candice 2.0.

I’ll say this for Tantaly: despite the conspicuous nature of the box’s size, the packaging was completely discreet. There was nothing on the box or external packaging to indicate what was inside. All Tantaly dolls now also come with a black PVC and polyester zip-up bag. This makes it easier to carry the doll around (no easy task, as we’ll address below!) and also offers a handy storage solution.

Tantaly Candice 2.0 Review: Upgrades

Tantaly Candice 2.0 torso sex doll from behind wearing green lingerie
Tantaly Candice 2.0 torso sex doll from front

The Tantaly Candice was a hugely popular sex doll, and the Candice 2.0 is an updated and revised version. (All Tantaly’s sex dolls have names, I’m not sure who chooses them or how!)

The Candice 2.0 is different from the Candice original in two key ways. The first upgrade “improved the appearance of the labia and skin texture, realistically replicating the shape of the human pubic area”, and the second upgrade introduced the hilariously-named “Tantabosom”, a unique gel formula which claims to make the doll’s breasts softer and more lifelike.

Tantaly also fixed some issues customers identified in this iteration of the Candice doll. These included repositioning the anus to reduce tearing during use and transporation, enhancing the feel and appearance of the butt with (you guessed it) “Tantabutt”, and making the vaginal tunnel slightly wider.

Sex Doll Look & Feel

The Candice is a torso sex doll weighing 42lb (or around 19kg.) That doesn’t sound all that huge, right? Trust me, when you’re lugging it up the stairs in its case, it feels huge. Yes, this doll is seriously heavy, and it’s not even close to the largest in Tantaly’s range. Of course, the size and weight is part of the appeal of sex dolls to some users as it makes them more lifelike. Just be ready for the physical task of moving it. Or have a supportive partner/roommate who can help you.

Tantaly sex doll storage and transportation bag
Tantaly’s doll storage/travel bag

Initially, I was sceptical about the claim that this doll is “life size”, so I got the measuring tape out. The Tantaly Candice measures around 22″ in length from the vulva to the base of the neck. This is a pretty realistic size for a short-ish woman (I measured the same area on my 5’5″ frame for comparison and it was around 25″.) So yes, it actually is a petite lifesize!

Please note that, though pictured wearing lingerie, your sex doll does not come with any clothing. You can, of course, dress it up in anything you like yourself. On the product page, Tantaly notes that TPE dolls can stain easily so it is best to avoid dark fabrics or anything with dyes that might run.

The Tantaly Candice 2.0 is clearly designed to adhere to a very specific and normative idea of female beauty. It has a narrow waist, flat stomach, large breasts, and a vulva that looks straight out of mainstream porn. However, with that said, I am glad that it does not have the cartoonishly unrealistic proportions of some sex dolls out there. (No-one has a 20″ waist and J-cup breasts naturally. They just don’t.)

Tantaly Candice 2.0 sex doll

I’ve said before that I find sex dolls with faces a little creepy in an “uncanny valley” sort of way, but this torso-only design avoids that problem. Mr C&K mentioned that the entire concept felt a little too “disembodied” for him in a way that he found really offputting. There’s no objective answer here—it’s totally a matter of preference.

The first surprise I encountered in this review is how soft the Tantaly Candice is to the touch. Thankfully, it also doesn’t have that weird smell that some TPE sex toys do. I was left with some slight residue on my hands from the powdered packaging, so I recommend giving it a really good wash before you actually use it for the first time. Interestingly, the material doesn’t really conduct much heat, so it tends to be quite cool to the touch even in a very warm room.

Inside, I was also impressed at how realistic the vagina and butt feel. They feature incredibly detailed layers of texturing internally. The vagina even has a G-spot! And if a boob person, you’ll definitely enjoy the lifelike breasts and semi-realistic nipples.

Is the Tantaly Candice 2.0 Sex Doll Body Safe?

This doll is made from thermoplastic elastomer, or TPE. TPE is a type of plastic that has been refined and treated to turn it into a flexible, rubber-like material. In the world of sex toys, TPE is often used as a cheaper alternative to silicone.

So is TPE body-safe?

Crucially (and giving it an advantage over many other common sex toy materials such as jelly), TPE does not typically contain phthalates. These common plasticisers are endocrine disrupters and possibly carcinogenic. In this way, TPE is unlikely to be harmful.

However, a downside of TPE is that it is a porous material. This means that it has microscopic holes which can harbour bacteria, bodily fluids, and more.

I’m a lot less critical of TPE use in penis toys (such as strokers and, yes, sex dolls) than I am of its use in insertable toys, such as dildos and butt plugs. This is because the way that penis toys are used means that the risk of harm and infection is far lower than with insertables.

Ultimately, my recommendation regarding TPE sex dolls? You’re probably fine as long as you follow some basic hygiene precautions. However, you should not share the doll (or if you must, use a condom) because doing so significantly increases the risk of both infection and STI transmission. You should also care for your doll according to the manufacturer’s instructions and check it regularly for tears, cracks, mold, and material degredation.

Care and Cleaning of Your Sex Doll

Tantaly recommends storing your sex doll inside the protective styrofoam packaging it arrives in. This protects it from dust and the elements as well as helping it to retain its shape for longer. They also recommend oiling it 3-4 times per year depending on usage, and applying corn starch if it is going to be in storage for a long period.

It’s important to thoroughly clean your sex doll promptly after use. There’s a full guide here on how to clean, store, and care for your doll. In short though, after each use:

  • Thoroughly wash the areas of the doll that you have used (an enema kit is an easy way to clean the inside of your doll) with warm water and a gentle antibacterial soap.
  • Dry the doll as thoroughly as you can using a soft, clean cloth.
  • Use a drying stick, tampon, or similar to dry out the internal parts. It’s really important not to leave these wet as this can be a breeding ground for bacteria.

You can significantly extend the lifespan of your doll, and keep things more hygienic, by using a condom. Cleanup is definitely a bit of a faff, which is always going to be a downside to sex dolls.

How long will your doll last? That depends on a number of factors so it’s hard to say. Some users in Tantaly on-site reviews say they have had their doll for several years and it’s still in good condition.

9 Things to Do With a Sex Doll (Besides the Obvious)

The obvious basic use for a sex doll is, well, to have sex with it. And if you’re buying a doll for that purpose, the Tantaly Candice is a great choice. But beyond that, what are some fun things you can do with a sex doll like this one? To start you off, I’ve compiled a list of 9 options. As always, take the ones that resonate with you and leave the ones that don’t!

Tantaly Candice 2.0 sex doll in blue and pink bikini

  1. Play out cuckolding or cuckqueaning kinks. In short, this is where someone is “made” to watch their partner have sex with someone else. It is often, but not always, tied in with D/s dynamics and humiliation kinks.
  2. Experiment with exhibitionism and voyeurism. Into the fantasy of watching or being watched during sex? You can fuck the doll while your partner watches… or put the doll in the corner and have it “watch” you masturbate or have sex.
  3. Practice techniques. Want to improve your cunnilingus, fingering, or strap-on sex skills? Practicing on a doll isn’t perfect because it can’t give you feedback, but it can be a useful way to nail those physical skills.
  4. Try out group sex fantasies without the risk. Group sex strikes a chord with many people as a fantasy, but not everyone can or wants to make it a reality. Using a sex doll allows you to play out some aspects of your group sex fantasies without the emotional risk that doing so for real can entail.
  5. Make some sexy content. Many adult content creators use sex dolls to shoot images or videos. If you’re a creator, a sex doll can be a great addition to your repertoire. If not, you can still enjoy making some sexy content for your partner(s) or even just for yourself.
  6. Tie it up. I’ve been really getting into bondage and shibari as a Top in the last few months or so. My immediate thought when I opened my Tantaly Candice sex doll was that it would be an amazing practice bottom for when I don’t have a human partner available. The weight does make this tricky, though.
  7. Spank it. I’d be hesitant to suggest using impact toys on a TPE sex doll as they could damage the material. A good old fashioned hand spanking, though? Have at it.
  8. Dress it up. If you’re into lingerie, latex, corsetry, or any other type of sexy clothing, your sex doll can be the perfect model for trying out different looks.
  9. Have long-distance sex. If you and your partner are apart, activities like phone sex, cyber sex and sexting are great ways to maintain a sexual connection. App-controlled toys were created for just this purpose! Another option, though, is to use a doll. Slip into a hot fantasy with your lover by voice or text, and use the doll to act out the things you’re talking about doing and bring the fantasy to life.

Tantaly Candice Review: Verdict

I was initially unsure what I was going to do with this product, once I’d written up this Tantaly doll review. Not being in possession of a factory-installed penis, I am not exactly the target market for sex dolls. Honestly, I’m still not sure. It is enormous and taking up a lot of space.

The Tantaly Candice is a well-designed and well-made torso doll with impressive attention to detail, particularly in this latest iteration. If you’re in the market for a realistic (but faceless) sex doll, and the weight, maintenance, and storage requirements don’t bother you, the Tantaly Candice is a great choice.

The Tantaly Candice torso sex doll is available from Tantaly UK and Tantaly Europe.

Thanks to Tantaly for kindly sending me this product and sponsoring this review. All views and writing, as always, are mine. Product images courtesy of Tantaly.

Vibeology Clitoral Stimulation Cream review header featuring a woman's hands holding some white cosmetic cream

[Better Sex Products Review] Vibeology Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream

Published on by Amy

After trying out Vibeology’s excellent organic water-based lube last week, I was excited to also get to try their Pulse clitoral stimulation cream.

What Are Clitoral Stimulation Creams?

In a nutshell, a clitoral stimulation cream (which can also be a gel, balm, or oil) is a substance that you apply to the clitoris and surrounding area. The ingredients work to enhance pleasure, create additional sensations such as tingling and warming, and boost sensitivity.

These products are a great tool for people who struggle with arousal difficulties or loss of sensitivity, or just for anyone who wants to experience heightened arousal or more pleasure. They also have some great potential applications in kink and BDSM scenarios, particularly around orgasm control and forced orgasm.

Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream: What’s In It?

Vibeology Clitoral Stimulation Cream
Image: Shevibe/Vibeology

You probably know by now that, when testing any product that goes directly on the genitals, the first thing I do is look at the ingredients list. So what’s in Vibeology Clitoral Stimulation Cream and is it safe and body-friendly?

The Ingredients Are As Follows:

  • Purified water
  • Aloe Barbadensis (Aloe Vera) leaf juice: A natural and safe ingredient which also has positive skincare benefits such as hydrating and irritation-reducing
  • Dimethiconol: A silicone-based liquid polymer that is used as a skin conditioner and to improve viscosity in silicone-based products. As it is a large molecule, it does not penetrate the skin and is likely a safe ingredient.
  • Polysorbate 20: A surfactant and emulsifier which studies have determined to be safe.
  • Plant-based Squalane: Squalene (note the spelling) is an oil that is traditionally taken from shark livers but can also be derived from plant sources. I reached out to Vibeology’s team and their development chemist confirmed that they use plant-based squalane from olives.
  • Hydroxyethylcellulose: A plant-derived gelling and thickening agent that seems to be safe.
  • PEG-16 Macadamia glycerides: A liquid emollient derived from macadamia nut oil and considered to be safe for cosmetic use.
  • Mentha Piperita (peppermint) leaf oil: An essential oil derived from the peppermint plant and safe in small quantities. Provides a cooling and tingling sensation, which is why you so often see it in this type of product.
  • Bisabolol: A safe plant-based skin soothing extract, primarily from chamomile.
  • Tocopherol acetate: A pure form of Vitamin E that is safe and commonly appears in skincare products.
  • Zanthoyxlum Bungeanum extract: An extract from Sichuan peppers that finds use in both food and skincare and does not appear to have any negative effects.
  • Cucumis Sativus extract: An extract from the cucumber plant that can be soothing to the skin and also adds to the product’s scent.
  • Citric acid: A preservative that is harmless in small quantities.

I have no concerns about Vibeology Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream from an ingredients or body-safety perspective.

Sensory Properties

Vibeology Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream comes in a small and easy-to-use pump top bottle.

This product has a noticeably lighter scent than many of the similar products I’ve tried. Some of them are almost overwhelmingly minty. So if you are sensitive to scents, this might be a good alternative to consider. It’s still slightly minty, but it’s light and pleasant.

Initially, I really loved the feel of this cream. It feels silky-smooth and massages into my skin easily. However, I quickly noticed that it was feeling pretty sticky. After I’d applied it I was left with a tacky, oily residue on my fingers that I needed to wash off quickly.

This stuff also tastes vile. Most of the arousal gels, creams and oils I’ve tried have had a distinctive but not unpleasant taste (except that one that tasted like inhaling perfume!) For some reason, though, Vibeology Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream has a really nasty, chemically taste that I couldn’t get out of my mouth. Don’t use this for oral sex.

So far, so unpromising. But did it achieve the desired effect?

Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream: Does It Work?

For me? Not really.

I’ve used quite a few products like this, and they have varying levels of effectiveness. Different products work for different bodies. This one produced a slight tingling, but very little else and its effects wore off very quickly. I applied more, and the same thing happened again. Overall, really disappointing.

Vibeology’s website claims this product is “compatible with pleasure objects,” by which I assume they mean sex toys. The presence of dimethiconol, a silicone, makes me hesitant about using it with silicone toys. With the tiny quantities you need, it’s probably fine, but I recommend doing a patch-test first so you don’t accidentally ruin your favourite silicone toy.

Due to the various oils, don’t use this one with barriers such as condoms or dams as it can degrade them and increase the risk of breakage.

Verdict

Meh.

I was underwhelmed by this one, especially after liking Vibeology’s lube so much. Unfortunately, it just didn’t really work for me.

Pulse Clitoral Stimulation Cream retails for $16/£12.10 for 30ml.

Thanks to Shevibe for sending me this clitoral stimulation cream to test and review! All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post..

Header for a post on the best butt plugs for anal august 2024 and beyond

Buying Guide: The Best Butt Plugs for Anal August and Beyond

Published on by Amy

August is a great time to buy anal toys. I have no idea where this “Anal August” thing initially came from (the mind of some enterprising marketing person, probably!) but what it means is that virtually every sex toy retailer you can think of will be running some kind of promotion on butt toys this month. Last week I told you all about the best anal beads on the market. Today we’re continuing that theme with another anal toys buying guide, this time focusing on the best butt plugs for a variety of needs.

What is a Butt Plug?

Two butt plugs, one black and one pink on a pale pink background. For a post on the best butt plugs

A butt plug is simply a toy that is designed to be inserted into the anus. However, unlike many other types of toys, the main purpose of a butt plug is to remain in place for a period of time. In other words, rather than thrusting or taking it in and out, you put it in and then leave it.

Butt plugs come in numerous shapes, sizes, and materials. They are usually narrower towards the tip and then get wider before narrowing again. A bulb, teardrop, or cone shape is the most typical, though there are plenty of variations. All butt plugs must have a large base or handle – we’ll go into this more in the next section.

Butt plugs stimulate the sensitive nerve endings in and around the anus. If you have a prostate (that’s most people assigned male at birth), some plugs can also stimulate this highly sensitive organ.

Some people like to wear a butt plug during sex or masturbation to enhance pleasure. Some use them to prepare for anal sex as they can help the butt to relax and get ready to take a penis or dildo. Others like to discreetly wear a butt plug under their clothes as they go about their day. For some people, this can be part of a BDSM or power exchange relationship (e.g. a Dominant instructing their submissive to wear a plug when they go out.)

What to Look For When Choosing the Best Butt Plugs for You

Two butt plugs made of metal, one showing a heart crystal butt plug base. For a post on the best butt plugs

As with all sex toys, safety comes first when you’re choosing the best butt plugs for you. Anal toys must always, always have a large, flared base or handle. This prevents them from getting sucked up inside your butt and getting stuck, which can be extremely dangerous and cause serious damage to your body.

Butt plugs must also be made from a body-safe material. Silicone, glass, aluminium, and stainless steel are all good options. Avoid toxic materials such as jelly, rubber, PVC, and “soft plastics.” Avoid porous materials such as TPE and TPR, too, as these will harbour bacteria and can cause infection.

Once you’ve taken safety into account, it’s all about preferences. Do you want a softer and squishier plug (in which case you probably want a silicone toy) or a more rigid one (in which case glass or metal will be your friend?) What sort of size works for you? Do you want your butt plug to vibrate?

How to Use Butt Plugs Pleasurably and Safely

Stainless steel butt plug, silicone butt plug and glass butt plug on a pale pink background. For a post on the best butt plugs

There is a common misconception that anal play is painful. It does not have to be and, in fact, shouldn’t be. It can be intense, and may be challenging, but pain is a sign that something isn’t right and you should pause, adjust, or stop. Never force something into a butt that isn’t ready.

When you start playing with butt plugs, begin with a small plug and go slowly. Listen to your body and try not to have a specific goal in mind. If you get the plug all the way in, great! If you don’t but you still had fun, amazing! Kept it in for a minute or ten minutes or an hour? Go you!

Adequate lubrication is also absolutely critical. Unlike the vagina, the butt is not self-lubricating. A good quality water-based lube will work with all types of butt plugs. Personally I find that thicker, gel-type water-based lubes are ideal for anal play. Sliquid Sassy and Vibeology Pure are two gentle and body-friendly options I recommend.

Finally, keep things hygienic. Coming into contact with small amounts of fecal matter is pretty much inevitable when you’re doing anal play, even after washing, and butt germs can make you sick if you’re not careful. Wash your hands before and after inserting your toy or doing any kind of anal stimulation. Learn how to properly sterilise your sex toys (the boiling method is best for silicone toys.) At a minimum, wipe your toys with a body-safe sterile wipe and wash them with soap and water before and after use. Never use an unsterilised toy vaginally or orally after it has been inside a butt. Check your toys before you use them and retire any that have cracks, splits, tears, or other damage to the material.

About This List

Person's hand reaching for a stainless steel butt plug on a bedside table. For a post on the best butt plugs

There are thousands upon thousands of variations of these toys available on the market, and this list is in no way intended to be comprehensive. The best butt plugs for you will always be a somewhat personal and subjective decision. What I have aimed to do here is to guide you towards safe and quality products that might suit you, depending upon your requirements.

Everything listed here is from a manufacturer/retailer I trust, and many of the links are affiliate links. This just means that if you make a purchase, I make a small commission at no additional cost to you. I do not work for or claim to represent any of these companies, and any purchase you make is a contract with them and not with me.

Everything I recommend here is made of a body-safe material and is, to the best of my knowledge, safe for normal use. Where possible, I have tried to provide options at a range of price points. Products in lists are ordered from the cheapest to the most expensive.

Let’s go, shall we?

Best Basic Silicone Butt Plugs

Basic silicone plugs are probably the best option for beginners. They’re also the most versatile and amongst the easiest to use. Silicone is soft, and comes in a range of firmness and flexibility levels. This is probably also the most ubiquitous category of butt plug, with virtually every sex toy manufacturer and retailer having their own variation on this theme. Here are a few I trust.

Best Glass Anal Plugs

Glass is a fantastic material for sex toys (and no, it won’t break inside you!) Glass butt plugs are rigid yet smooth, and allow you to play with temperatures by warming or cooling them if you want to. Look for borosilicate glass – that’s similar to the stuff that Pyrex cookwear is made from – for the safest and most durable options.

Best Stainless Steel Butt Plugs

Many people find the look and feel of stainless steel extremely sexy. Its weight can also add a little extra stimulation, ensuring you feel your toy every single time you move. Like glass, stainless steel is ideal for playing with different temperatures, too. Other metals such as aluminium are body-safe alternatives (as long as you don’t have an allergy) that may be cheaper, but stainless steel is always the best choice for metal sex toys if you can afford it.

Best Extra Large Butt Plugs

I never recommend starting out with large toys when you’re new to anal play. However, once you’ve got a bit of experience under your belt, you might be curious about larger toys. These extra large butt plugs – each at least 5″ in usable length and at least 2″ in diameter – are great choices for advanced players seeking a challenge.

Best Slimline Anal Plugs

Slimmer butt plugs are great for beginners, for all-day wear… and just for anyone who prefers a smaller toy. These are some of the best butt plugs with a diameter of less than 1″ at the widest point.

Best Jewelled Butt Plugs

Some people love butt plugs not just for how they feel, but for how they look. There are numerous decorative options available in all kinds of styles, but jewelled plugs – which have a jewel or crystal set into the base – are amongst the most popular. Here are a few I love.

Note: I don’t recommend boil-sterilising crystal/jewel plugs as this can damage the glue and cause the gem to fall out. Use a sterile wipe and warm water with antibacterial soap instead.

Best Butt Plug Sets

Butt plug sets are great for those who are new to anal play and don’t know what sizes work for them yet. They’re also great for anyone doing anal training… or just for people who are in the mood for different things on different days. Here are some of the best butt plugs sets that offer a range of sizes to choose from.

Best Butt Plugs Under £15/$20

Great sex toys need not be expensive. Though you’ll pay a premium for some brands, there are also lots of great budget options on the market. Here are a few of them.

Hand holding a purple silicone butt plug on a pink background. For a post on the best butt plugs

And there you have it! A massive round-up of some of the best butt plugs on the market for all preferences and budgets this Anal August and beyond. Happy shopping and, if you have any questions, just drop me a line and I’ll do my best to help.

Header image for a post on the best anal beads and best vibrating anal beads for Anal August 2024 and beyond

Buying Guide: The Best Anal Beads for Anal August and Beyond

Published on by Amy

I have no idea where the idea of “Anal August” originated, and I have to assume it was initially a marketing ploy to promote either sex toys or content. Regardless, it seems to be here to stay and virtually every sex toy retailer I work with is running some kind of related promotion. This means it’s a pretty good time to buy anal toys! Choosing the best anal beads, vibrating anal toys, butt plug, prostate massager, or other anal toys for your needs can be a minefield, though, with thousands of products of varying quality flooding the market.

That’s why I’m going to be running a series of anal-themed buying guides throughout August to help you. Today we’re looking at anal beads.

What Are Anal Beads?

Two sets of silicome anal beads on a yellow background for a post on the best anal beads

In a nutshell, anal beads are sex toys made up of a string of beads (anything from 3 to 10+) that go up your butt. They usually end in a base, ring, or similar handle. This is both for safety (more on this below!) and to make it easier to hold and manipulate the beads. Most anal beads are tapered, with the smallest beads towards the tip and the largest towards the base. There are exceptions, though.

Unlike butt plugs—which are designed to be inserted and then left alone for a period of time—anal beads are designed to be inserted and removed repeatedly, much like you would with a dildo. Most people prefer to do this fairly slowly and gradually rather than hard and fast thrusting, but you can experiment to see what feels best to you. In this way, the beads stimulate the sensitive nerve endings around the entrance to your butt as well as those inside. If you are someone who has a prostate – that’s most people who were assigned male at birth—then anal beads can also be a great way to stimulate this incredibly sensitive and pleasurable area.

Some people say that using a set of anal beads during sex or masturbation and then pulling them out at the point of climax intensifies their orgasm.

What to Look For When Choosing the Best Anal Beads for You

Black anal beads lying on a bed, for a post on the best anal beads

First and foremost, it is important to make sure the anal beads you are choosing are safe. There are three main things you should look for to help you choose a safe product:

  1. A body-safe material such as silicone, glass, or stainless steel. Avoid toxic materials such as jelly, PVC, rubber, and soft plastics. It is particularly important to avoid porous materials (including TPE and TPR) for anal toys as it is impossible to get them completely clean. In addition, avoid toys where the beads are threaded together with string or similar. This, too, is impossible to sterilise and can be a vector for introducing bacteria and potential infection to your body.
  2. A flared or otherwise large base. This is extremely important for any anal toy. Without it, the toy can get lost or stuck inside your body, which can be a serious medical emergency.
  3. Beads that are well-made. The material should be free from any rough or uneven areas and there should be no cracks, tears, or other damage.

After that, it’s largely a matter of preference. Do you prefer girthier or slimmer toys? Longer or shorter ones? Softer or firmer textures? Silicone beads are softer and more flexible than glass or metal, but harder materials can provide more intense sensations. They also offer other fun possibilities such as temperature play. Do you want your anal beads to have a vibrating option?

How to Use Anal Beads Pleasurably and Safely

Black anal beads, pink anal beads, pink rabbit vibrator and black butt plug. For a post on the best anal beads

Using anal beads is pretty easy, but once you’ve selected your toy there are a few things you need to be aware of to ensure you have a safe and fun time.

First, adequate lubrication is essential. A water-based lube is best for use with anal toys, especially if the toys are made of silicone. You might want to choose a thicker, gel-type lubricant for anal play.

It’s also important to start slowly. Anal play can be intense, but it should not be painful. If something feels wrong, stop or adjust. And never, ever force something inside before your butt is ready. This can tear the delicate tissue and lead to pain, bleeding, and ongoing complications.

Finally, hygiene is even more important when it comes to anal sex toys. I recommend sterilising your toys between uses (the boiling method is best for silicone toys.) At a minimum, wipe them with a body-safe sterile wipe and then give them a good wash with soap and water. Never use a toy vaginally or orally after it has been used in a butt until it has been fully sterilised. Check your toys before you use them and, if there are any rips, tears, cracks, or other damage to the material, retire them.

About This List

Glass and metal anal beads, stainless steel anal beads and glass anal beads

This is by no means meant to be a comprehensive list of all the quality anal beads toys out there. There are thousands – tens of thousands, probably – of variations of these products available, and the best anal beads for you will always be a somewhat subjective decision. Instead, this is designed to help guide you towards some of the versions that might suit you depending on your requirements.

Everything listed here is from a manufacturer/retailer I trust, and links are affiliate links. This means I make a small commission on your purchases at no additional cost to you. I do not work for or claim to represent any of these companies, and any purchase you make is a contract with them and not with me.

Everything I recommend here is made of a body-safe material and is, to the best of my knowledge, safe for normal use. Where possible, I have tried to provide options at a range of price points. Products in lists are ordered from the cheapest to the most expensive.

With that said, let’s get going.

Best Basic Silicone Anal Beads

Basic silicone anal beads are ideal if you’re on a budget or just exploring anal beads for the first time. There are countless options on the market in this category, but here are a few I trust:

Best Glass Beads

Glass is a fantastic material for sex toys. It is smooth, rigid and unyielding and also allows you to play with temperature by warming it up or cooling it down if you want to.

Best Metal Beads

Metal, like glass, is rigid and perfect for temperature play. Some people also find its aesthetic incredibly sexy! Stainless steel is the best material for metal sex toys, though other metals (aluminium is a popular choice) can work for most people as long as you don’t have an allergy, and may be cheaper.

Best Vibrating Anal Beads

Vibrators aren’t just for clits. Adding vibrations to your anal beads can take your butt pleasure to an entirely new level. Here are some of the best vibrating anal beads currently on the market in my opinion, including both close-range and remote control options.

Best Long Anal Beads

Sometimes you want a little (or a lot) extra depth! These are some of the best anal beads measuring at least 9″ in length.

Best Girthy Anal Beads

If girth matters as much or more to you than length, you’ll love these girthy anal beads.

Best Slimline Anal Beads

On the other hand, perhaps slimmer anal beads are more comfortable and pleasurable for you. If so, these are some of the best options with a diameter of 1″ or less.

Best Curved Anal Beads

Curved anal beads are a particularly great choice for directly targeting the prostate, which is located a couple of inches inside the rectum (below the bladder) towards the front wall.

Best Anal Beads Sets

Perhaps you’re new to anal toys and not sure what you like yet, or maybe you’re just in the mood for different things on different days. The best anal beads sets offer toys in a range of sizes.

Best Options Under £20/$25

Depending on the features and materials you’re looking for, anal beads—like all sex toys—can be expensive. However, they needn’t be if you’re just after something fairly basic. Sadly, a lot of cheap sex toys on the market are poorly made or use unsafe materials. Here are five of the best anal beads retailing for under £20 or $25.

Pink anal beads on display in a sex toy shop

Hopefully this guide has helped to demystify the buying process and help you to choose the best anal beads for you! What buying guides do you want to see from me in the future?

Header image for Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based Lube review

[Lube Review] Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based Lube

Published on by Amy

Finding good lubes is hard. It shouldn’t be, but it is. So many of the products on the market – not just those sold in chemists and supermarkets, but also those sold by specialist sex shops – are full of gross ingredients that can make lubricants anything from unpleasant to downright toxic to use. There are a very small number of lubes I totally trust at this point, and my vulva has experienced first-hand the effects of just grabbing whichever one is nearest. That’s why I tend to take my own when I go on sexy dates or to play parties. So when I read the ingredients list of Vibeology’s Pure Organic Water-Based Lubricant, I was excited to test and review this lube.

Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based Lube Review: What’s In It?

Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based lubricant bottle showing ingredients

At first glance, nothing in this lube’s ingredients list gave me any concerns. Let’s take a closer look at what’s in Vibeology Pure Organic Water Based Lubricant.

  • Purified water
  • Organic Aloe Barbadensis (Aloe Vera) leaf juice: A powerful skin-friendly ingredient which has hydrating, soothing, and irritation-reducing properties.
  • Hydroxyethyl cellulose: A plant-derived gelling and thickening agent that is thought not to hinder sperm motility. One source I read indicated that this ingredient might increase the risk of yeast infections in some users. However, I could not find a definitive scientific source to back this up.
  • Sodium benzoate: A food-grade preservative that is used in tiny quantities in lube and unlikely to be harmful.
  • Potassium sorbate: Another food-grade preservative likely to be harmless in these small quantities.
  • Citric acid: A preservative that also helps to balance the pH of a lubricant. Harmless in small quantities.
  • Carrageenan: A common food additive extracted from red seaweed. It is somewhat controversial in food but I could not find any evidence to suggest it is harmful in lubricant. Interestingly, there is some evidence that carrageenan may play a role in reducing transmission of human papillomavirus (HPV). Obviously you shouldn’t rely on this alone and should also practice safer sex! It is also unclear whether the tiny amount of carrageenan present in products like Vibeology Pure Organic Water Based Lubricant is sufficient to have this effect.
  • Hyaluronic acid: Occuring naturally in the body, hyaluronic acid has been highly prized in skincare for many years due to its ability to hydrate by binding with water. Research indicates that it is safe to use and can be an effective intervention for vaginal dryness.
  • Sodium ascorbyl phosphate: A stabilised form of vitamin C which acts as an antioxidant and helps with skin elasticity. Widely believed to be safe.

Overall, this is an excellent ingredient profile for a lube. Unless you’re allergic or sensitive to any of the ingredients, you should be able to use Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based Lube free from worry.

Vibeology Pure is vegan, cruelty-free, certified organic, and hypoallergenic. It is also dermatologist-tested and manufactured in an FDA-approved facility in the US. This lube is compatible with both latex and non-latex condoms and safe to use with all sex toy materials including silicone.

Vibeology Pure Organic Water Based Lubricant Review: Sensory Properties and Performance

Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based lubricant bottle

When it comes to selecting a lube, the ingredients are the most important piece of the puzzle but not the whole story. The product’s feel, texture, smell, taste, and consistency – as well as what residue it leaves behind, if any – are almost as important.

The first thing I noticed when I squeezed Vibeology Pure lube out of the bottle was how thick it is. Unusually for a water-based product, it’s not particularly runny. It’s really bordering on being more of a gel than a liquid. In practice, I found this meant I needed less of it than I would need of a runnier lube. I also found it lasted a little longer and I needed to reapply it less often. Some people find that gel-like lubes are preferable for anal play, in particular.

Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based Lube is also the closest to a genuinely taste-free water-based lubricant I have ever tried. Even when I licked a huge glob of it off my hand (not the recommended way to use lube, but the things I do for my readers!), I could taste virtually nothing. It does have a slight scent, but it’s a mild and not-unpleasant tang that likely comes from the aloe.

Vibeology Pure is non-sticky, and did not leave behind any residue on either my skin or my sheets. Once it dried on my skin, only the very slight lingering scent gave any indication it had ever been there. I really like the way it feels, which is super smooth and glide-y. It does not irritate my sometimes-finnicky vulva. It also washes away quickly without a trace with soap and water after use.

Verdict

This is an excellent lube! Body-safe, silky smooth, taste-free, and filled with nourishing ingredients. I can heartily recommend Vibeology Pure Water-Based Lube if you’re looking for a gentle and body-friendly lubricant that won’t break the bank, irritate your bits, or stain your sheets! It’s a particularly good choice if you’re looking for something a bit thicker than the more typical runny consistency of water-based lubes.

A 4 fl.oz bottle of Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based Lubricant retails for $22 (£16.74) from Shevibe.

Thanks to Shevibe for sending me Vibeology Pure Organic Water Based Lube to test and review! All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping with them sends me a small commission at no additional cost to you.