Tag: kink and BDSM

Close up of a gold heart-shape pendant. Text reads: what is a day collar?

What is a Day Collar, Why Might You Wear One, and Where Can You Get One?

Published on by Amy

In a kinky or BDSM relationship, collars can have all kinds of meanings. They can be akin to an engagement or wedding ring, a symbol of commitment, a signal to other members of the BDSM community, or simply a tool or fashion accessory. However, traditional collars also tend to be quite… well, obvious. If you want to wear a reminder of your kinky relationship without alerting the whole world, a day collar might be the answer. But what is a day collar, what do they mean, and where can you get one?

What is a Day Collar?

Subtle BDSM wrist cuffs in gold, rose gold, silver, and black. Black bracelet is engraved with words "good girl"

In short, a day collar is a collar that can be worn discreetly in settings where a traditional BDSM collar wouldn’t be appropriate, from the workplace to Christmas dinner with the extended family.

Day collars vary significantly in terms of how “obvious” or subtle they are. O rings, triskelions, heart motifs, and the eternity symbol are popular choices you might see. Some might have words or symbols engraved. Others are completely indistinguishable from ordinary jewellery.

Day collars can be worn in addition to or instead of a more traditional BDSM collar.

Creative Day Collar Ideas: When a Collar Isn’t a Collar

BDSM silver ring with inlaid diamonds. Internal engraving reads "nothing is impossible," external engraving reads "good girl"

While necklaces and items worn around the neck are most traditional, your day collar needn’t be a collar or piece of neckwear at all. In a past D/s relationship, mine was a bracelet. I’ve know people who have rings, anklets, wrist cuffs, watches, items of clothing or underwear, or even “tokens” that they carry with them rather than wear.

Remember: there are no rules to any of this. What matters is that you choose something that feels personal to you, appropriate for your relationship, and practical for your lifestyle.

To Lock or Not to Lock?

Subtle BDSM day collar with kitten pendant in silver

Something that appeals to a lot of kinksters about collars is the idea of something that the submissive cannot remove by themself. There are countless lockable day collars on the market. Having your partner lock your collar around your neck (or wrist, or ankle) and not being able to remove it can feen sensual, sexy, and deeply intimate. This option won’t be practical for everyone, and you may want to skip a lockable collar if you regularly need to take all your jewellery off (if you work in medicine, for example, or have to go through airport security regularly.)

A quick word of caution: if you choose a locking collar, always make sure the wearer has access to a spare key in case of emergencies.

Negotiating What Your Day Collar Means

In BDSM as in any relationship, things tend to get messy when people don’t communicate clearly. If you’re thinking of introducing any kind of collar to your relationship, have a frank and open conversation with your partner about what it means.

Do you agree on what it symbolises, what (if any) rules and expectations are in place when it’s being worn, and any rules or protocols around when it may or may not be removed?

Regardless of whether you’re dominant, submissive, or switchy in your kinky relationship, I never recommend springing a collar on someone. People have very different ideas about what they do and don’t mean. Instead, bring up the subject of collaring in a low-pressure way and talk about what it means to you. If you and your partner agree that you want to introduce a collar and have established some guidelines on its meaning and role in your relationship, go shopping together for something you’ll both love.

Think & Kink: Purveyors of Beautiful and Unique BDSM Jewellery

BDSM day collar in stainless steel with gold and silver heart pendants

I’ve recently partnered with Think & Kink, a provider of gorgeous and unique day collars, BDSM jewellery, and other kinky accessories. They offer chokers, necklaces, lockable day collars, bracelets, anklets, rings, and more. Many of their items are also engraveable, so you can get them customised with your pet name, term of endearment, collaring date, or any other message that is meaningful to you.

Think & Kink allowed me to choose any piece from the site, and after a lot of deliberation I chose this dual heart mixed metals choker. This one called to me for a couple of reasons. First, hearts play a pretty key role in my personal style (#lovecore amirite?). I just love them. Secondly, as a polyamorous submissive with two loves and two dominants, the dual-heart design really spoke to me and seemed like a sweet way to honour both my relationships in my subtly kinky accessories.

They were also kind enough to send me a piece to gift to one lucky reader, so keep your eyes open for how to enter the giveaway – details coming soon!

This post was brought to you in collaboration with Think & Kink. Affiliate links appear in this post and you can get 15% off any order with code AMY15 at checkout. All images by Think & Kink.

A woman holding two rabbit vibrators, one pink and one blue. Caption reads: Travel friendly sex toys. Header image for a post about how to bring adult toys on a plane and other travel hacks.

Travel Friendly Sex Toys: Saving Space, Taking Your Toys Through Airport Security, and More

Published on by Amy

As the holidays approach, so does a season of travel for many of us. Whether you’re travelling solo or with your partner or partners, you might want to take some of your sex toys or kink gear along. From wondering whether you can bring adult toys on a plane to dealing with space constrictions, travelling with sex toys takes a little knowledge and planning. Here’s how to do it.

Can You Bring Adult Toys on a Plane?

Yep!

Well, yes with some simple caveats. As a general rule, though, bringing adult toys on a plane is safe, legal, and straightforward.

Additional bag screening at security is many people’s idea of a personal hell if they travel with sex toys. If you’re not prepared to take this risk, you’ll need to keep your toys in your checked bag. However, I’ve had this happen many times at this point (long-distance relationship life amirite?) and the worst that ever happens is that it makes me blush. I’ve never had a security person make a comment on my toys or take them out in view of other passengers.

Airport personnel don’t care what you’re planning to get up to at your destination as long as you’re not a safety or security risk. They’re professionals just trying to do their job, and they’ve seen it all before. Yours probably isn’t even the first vibrator they’ve seen today. I cannot stress this enough: they don’t care.

What you don’t want to do is try to take anything on the plane that could be perceived as a weapon. That hunk of stainless steel the size of your forearm? Leave it at home. You know it’s a dildo, they know it’s a dildo, but they’re probably still not letting it on the plane. As a general precaution, I’d skip metal and glass toys for air travel and stick to plastic or silicone.

Remember that, infuriatingly, some countries and jurisdictions have strict laws against even possessing sex toys. If you have to travel to one of those regions, leave your toys at home. The consequences could be far worse than just losing your favourite vibrator.

Remember that, if your toys have batteries, they must go in your carry-on as batteries are prohibited in the luggage hold.

What About BDSM Gear?

This gets a little trickier.

Some BDSM gear will probably be fine in your hand luggage. Leather cuffs, blindfolds, collars, solid wax candles and so on are unlikely to cause a problem. Some pervertables, such as clothes pegs and wooden spoons, also look completely innocent, so they shouldn’t cause any problems.

As with sex toys, anything that could be perceived as a weapon cannot travel in hand luggage. Paddles, floggers, whips and so on should all be checked. Rope might get past security and it might not. According to forums for climbers (the other people, apart from kinksters, who tend to travel with ropes), some said their ropes got taken away while others were allowed to keep their items.

Anything you wouldn’t want to lose, put it in your checked bag. If you’re taking anything sharp, like needles, be very cautious. Always check local laws and airline rules before travelling with them, even in your checked bag.

And, again, understand the laws and customs of where you’re travelling to and from. You don’t want to run afoul of a law prohibiting the possession of certain items.

How Can I Make Sure My Sex Toys Won’t Turn On While Traveling?

Many sex toys have a travel lock. This allows you to “lock” the motor, preventing it from turning on accidentally. Check the instruction manual or manufacturer’s product page of your favourite toy to find out whether it has one.

Another great option is to choose toys that come in a case. This dramatically reduces the chances of them getting switched on accidentally in transit, especially if you opt for a toy with a hard case like the Woo More Play I Cum First clitoral vibrator and travel case.

Space-Saving Travel Hacks for Sex Toys and BDSM Gear

Space tends to be at a premium when travelling. Here are a few ways you can maximize space and still take your favourite items along.

  • Prioritise small and compact toys. Bullet vibrators, pebble vibrators, and finger vibrators are an ideal choice here.
  • Take multi-purpose toys. A vibrating dildo that can double as a clitoral vibrator, a vaginal toy that’s also anal-safe, or a toy you and your partner both enjoy using? All great space-efficient travel sex toys.
  • Repurpose travel essentials for kinky purposes. That sleep mask could easily double as a blindfold.
  • Think very carefully about what you want to take, and prioritize accordingly. Consider what’s non-negotiable vs. what’s a nice-to-have if you have the space.
  • A bonus tip for those who travel a lot for long-distance relationships: consider getting duplicates of your favourite toys and keeping one set in each place. Trust me, it’s worth the investment.

Don’t Forget About Lube

Wait, can I bring lube on a plane? Yes you can!

Lube is a non-negotiable for me when it comes to safer and more pleasurable sex. However, remember that lube is a liquid according to air travel regulations. This means you’ll likely be subject to strict limits on how much you can take. Some airports limit passengers to 100ml liquid maximum per container, while others allow amounts as high as two litres. Check before you fly. If in doubt, stick to lube containers under 100ml.

Large bottles of lube can be heavy. I recommend either individual sachets or small bottles of lube. I always put mine in a little plastic bag to protect my clothes and other items in case of a lube leakage. Choose lube that’s compatible with your sex toys; if in doubt, water-based lube is a versatile option for travel.

Thanks to Woo More Play for sponsoring this post! All writing and views, as always, are mine.

Several BDSM items including leather straps, nipple clamps, and a blindfold on a red background. A length of black rope forms a heart. Text in the middle of the heart reads: A Beginners' Guide to BDSM wearables

A Beginners’ Guide to BDSM Wearables: 7 Types You Should Know

Published on by Amy

When you think of BDSM gear, what comes to mind? You probably thought of ropes, cuffs and other restraints, impact toys such as floggers and paddles, or maybe specialist tools like electro-play toys, chastity devices, or pinwheels. But what about collars, BDSM hoods, gags, and other kinky wearables? BDSM wear is anything you put on your body that’s in some way related to a kink, fetish, or kinky relationship.

There are, of course, tonnes of amazing BDSM and kink activities you can do without any gear or costumes at all. But for some people, slipping on a particular item or piece of clothing (or putting it on a partner) can help them get into, and maintain, the desired headspace for kinky play.

Whether you wear them all the time, just during play, or as part of a kink party outfit, wearables can mark a transition between the vanilla and kink worlds, help to signify your role outwardly to others, or simply make you feel more fully yourself.

These are seven types of BDSM wearables you should know about.

Collars

Collars are perhaps the ultimate BDSM wearable. In the traditional sense, a collar is something you wear around your neck, generally to signify that you’re a submissive in some kind of BDSM dynamic. Materials such as leather, faux leather, suede, and even metal are common. Collars can be obvious or much more subtle, resembling an ordinary necklace. Some collars may not even be collars in the literal sense; I’ve seen people use things like rings, bracelets, or even tattoos as their collars.

Collars can mean all sorts of things. For some people, they’re akin to a wedding ring, signifying a lifelong commitment. To others, they can signify when they’re “in” or “out” of scene space. For example, I have a collar my nesting partner bought for me, and I wear it when I’m in a submissive role during play or at an event. Some people see collars as intensely meaningful, others as nothing more that tools or fashion statements. There’s no right or wrong here; what matters is what they mean to you and your partner(s) if applicable.

By the way: you can also self-collar whether you’re in a relationship or not. I have a collar I bought for myself and when I wear it, it reminds me that my body, mind, heart and choices belong to me and that I am in charge of my life.

BDSM Hoods and Other Sensory Deprivation Wear

Sensory deprivation refers to removing one or more of the senses during play. Some find this can heighten other senses. Others say it quiets the mind, helps them get more into their submissive headspace, or reinforces a sense of helplessness and vulnerability.

Everything from blindfolds and earplugs to full sensory deprivation BDSM hoods and mummification sacks come under the category of sensory deprivation wearables.

Play of this type can be surprisingly intense, so go slowly if you’re new to exploring it. It can also cut off usual avenues of communication, such as eye contact, facial expressions, or auditory clues. Make sure you establish alternative check-ins and safe signals before you start.

Harnesses

Harnesses are wearables made up of a series of straps. They’re commonly made from leather or a faux-leather material, but silicone harnesses are also becoming increasingly popular.

A harness can be decorative, functional, or a mixture of both. They can be full-body or cover just one area, such as the chest, legs, or hands. Some people wear them purely for the aesthetic value, while others enjoy the restrictive sensation some harnesses can offer. They can also act as a symbol of submission or dominance, or as a useful set of anchor points to assist in playing with restraint.

Gags and Muzzles

Gags and muzzles limit or restrict the speech and sounds of the wearer. Many people find this sexy in the context of power exchange. If you’re someone who tends to be loud when you’re playing, they can also be a good way to have fun without scaring the neighbours!

Gags and muzzles can range from simple ball or bit gags to more complex designs that hold the mouth open, all the way up to full-head lockable devices.

If you’re playing with gags, always ensure you adopt a safe signal in place of a safeword in case the submissive needs to stop. You should also take extra care to ensure breathing isn’t restricted.

Pet Play Gear

Pet players are people who enjoy taking on the persona or characteristics associated with an animal during play or as part of a kink relationship. Puppies, kittens, ponies, foxes, cows, and pigs are just some of the animal personas you might see in pet play spaces. Mythical creatures, such as unicorns and dragons, may also come out to play in these spaces.

Pet play BDSM wear includes anything that helps pet players get more into their role and headspace. Think a puppy-themed BDSM hood, a tail, a cat collar with a bell on it, pony ears, and so on.

It’s important to note that pet play is about roleplaying, archetypes, and power dynamics between consenting adult humans. It has nothing to do with actual animals or animal abuse.

Fetish Fabrics

Strictly speaking, almost any fabric can be a “fetish fabric” since the core definition of a fetish is simply deriving sexual arousal from something that is an ordinarily non-sexual object or body part. However, the fabrics and materials most commonly associated with fetishism are things like rubber, PVC, latex, and leather. These fabrics can be used for clothes, accessories, BDSM hoods or blindfolds, and more.

You might be aroused by some aspect of these fabrics themselves, like the feel of rubber or the smell of leather, or by some aspect of how it feels to wear them, such as the constricting nature of latex. Or both! Or neither! You might just like how they look and how you feel in them. I don’t have any particular fabric fetishes, but I still adore my catsuit.

Costumes

If immersive kinky roleplay is your thing, you might get more into your role with costumes. This can be anything from a simple accessory like a hat, through to elaborate get-ups worthy of your local am-dram troupe. Doctors and nurses, teachers, schoolgirls, French maids and Playboy-style bunnies are some of the options you’ll commonly find in sex shops, but the sky’s the limit when it comes to your imagination.

Thanks to Juliet Toys for sponsoring this post. Check out their kink collection of toys and BDSM wear which includes collars, impact toys, BDSM hoods, and much more. All writing and opinions are my own.

Header for VVD Vkini review. Text reads: VVD Vkini vibrating nipple stimulator

[Toy Review] VVD Vkini

Published on by Amy

I’ve written surprisingly little about nipple play over the years, probably because it isn’t something that I’ve ever been super into for its own sake. There are also surprisingly few toys designed for this incredibly common activity. There are nipple clamps and suckers, of course, and it’s entirely possible to use toys such as vibrators or clitoral suction toys on nipples. But otherwise? Not much. So I was very intrigued by VVD‘s “Vkini” vibrating bra.

The nipples are one of the most common erogenous zones for folks of all genders, and many people enjoy having them stimulated in various ways. Some people can even experience “nipplegasm,” or an orgasm induced solely or primarily through nipple stimulation.

What is the VVD Vkini Nipple Stimulator?

In a nutshell, it’s a vibrating bra. (Or bikini top, hence the name.)

VVD Vkini displayed with box and accessories

The Vkini is a bra/bikini top with two spiral-shaped silicone cups and detachable magnetic stimulators that go on the inside and vibrate against the nipples. The two vibrating motors are housed in the heart-shaped silicone pieces that sit over the nipples.

It is rechargeable, with a 2 hour charge giving 1 hour+ of runtime. There is also an app, allowing you to control the Vkini from your phone or hand over control to a partner.

What I Liked About the Vkini Vibrating Bra Nipple Stimulator

I have to give VVD credit where credit is due: this toy is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. I appreciate innovation and I appreciate attention being paid specifically to nipple pleasure. So what else did I like about the Vkini?

VVD Vkini nipple stimulator vibrating bra

  • The wearable design allows for hands-free pleasure, leaving your hands available to do other things. This is great if you want to enjoy nipple stimulation while masturbating, pleasuring your partner, or even to turn yourself on while you do other things.
  • It came packaged in a sturdy box which is ideal for storage. A drawstring storage bag was also included.
  • The heart-shaped heads are pretty cute.
  • The adjustable straps make it suitable for a range of body sizes. The band extends up to a maximum of 43″ in circumference and has some stretch, so could probably be comfortably worn by people with an overall chest size up to around 45″ or slightly higher.
  • The halter-style shoulder strap is also adjustable, suiting a range of sizes and fit preferences.
  • The inclusion of two different pairs of heads allow you to customise the kind of stimulation you want. I found that the little “lips” attachments offer a more pinpoint sensation, while the “flower” attachments give a broader buzz.
VVD vibrating bra nipple stimulator heads

  • The control buttons are situated right in the middle of the cups. For some reason pressing a button on my boobs just really makes me giggle.
  • Speaking of the controls, they’re super simple to learn and the buttons are easy to press.
  • The Vkini’s vibrations are quiet.
  • There’s definitely some kink potential here! Some people find nipple stimulation to be the ultimate tease or can orgasm from it alone, either of which could be applied to various kinds of BDSM or roleplay scenarios.

Anything I Didn’t Like About This Product?

My main criticism of the Vkini is that the vibrations aren’t particularly powerful and do not transmit very well through the silicone and into the detachable nipple stimulators. This means that all I can feel, even with the Vkini turned up to maximum intensity, is a fairly low-level and buzzy vibration.

It’s also worth being aware that the Vkini is (as VVD says on their website) best suited for people with small to medium chests, approximately A-C/D cup sizes. As someone with a G-cup chest, the Vkini was almost laughably too small for me. I can wear it, but it’s not very comfortable and doesn’t really look very good on me in my opinion. The attachments are also better suited to someone with smaller nipples, regardless of overall chest size. They simply won’t fit over larger nipples.

VVD vibrating bra modelled by a slender white person with tattoos. They are wearing black fingerless gloves.

On the VVD website, the Vkini is shown worn by a person in a hot tub. However, it is only IPX6 waterproof, which means it is not safe for submersion in water. This makes no difference to me personally, but it’s something to be aware of if you’re someone who enjoys having sex in the pool/hot tub/bath/other body of water.

Finally, I decided not to use the “metaXsire” app for controlling the Vkini as it’s described as “AI-powered.” I am morally and ethically opposed to AI in all its forms for an array of reasons, from privacy to content theft to its devastating impact on the environment. If you get this product, I urge you to consider using it without the app.

VVD Vkini Nipple Stimulator: Verdict

I think the Vkini is a fine product for its intended audience, and I don’t think I am that intended audience. In a newer iteration of the product, I’d like to see more powerful and less buzzy motors being used. It would also be nice to see a larger version made for those (like me) with bigger chests.

If you enjoy gentle to moderate nipple stimulation and have a small to medium chest, go for it. If you have larger breasts or prefer more intense stimulation, I’d skip this one.

The Vkini retails for $49.99 US. My readers can enter code “kink” for $5 off.

Thanks to VVD for sponsoring this review and sending me the Vkini to try out! All views, as always, are mine. Product images kindly supplied by VVD.

Image featuring a VVD Rider Desire sex machine, a popular Sybian alternative. Text reads: 5 fun ways to use a ride-on sex machine

5 Fun Ways to Use a Ride-On Sex Machine

Published on by Amy

A ride-on sex machine like the Rider Desire Sex Saddle I reviewed last week, as well as pricier alternatives such as the Sybian and Cowgirl, is the ultimate wishlist sex toy for a lot of people. They’re certainly unique, offering a kind of stimulation and intensity it can be hard to replicate in other ways. Having been lucky enough to try a couple of different ones and now to own one… let’s talk about them!

What is a Ride-On Sex Machine?

In short, it’s a vibrating toy that you mount or straddle and then thrust or grind against. Most have some kind of interchangeable attachments, most often penetrative toys. Some, like the Rider Desire, can also be used without attachments if clitoral or other external stimulation is more your jam.

(By the way: ride-on sex machines aren’t only for people with vulvas! Anyone who enjoys anal penetration can also use one, regardless of gender or genitals. Some also come with attachments specifically for penises!)

Historically, most ride-on sex machines (such as the Sybian and its alternatives) have been mains-powered. However, rechargeable and cordless versions are now becoming increasingly available, too.

Why Do People Like Them?

As with anything: all kinds of reasons!

As anyone who has ever masturbated by humping their pillow will know, grinding on something can be an intensely pleasurable sensation. A ride-on sex machine kicks that sensation up several notches.

Some people also enjoy the kneeling or straddling position a sex machine offers. For some it will be more comfortable or physically accessible than other positions, while some enjoy the way it mimics the feeling of riding a partner in the so-called “cowgirl” position. The rocking and grinding motion you can get with a saddle sex machine is also more pleasurable than the thrusting motion offered by handheld dildos or traditional “fucking machines” for a lot of users.

Then there’s the kinky potential a ride-on sex machine offers, if you’re into that kind of thing.

5 Fun Ways to Use a Ride-On Sex Machine

If all you ever want to do with your sex machine is ride it and get off, that’s fabulous! Have the best time. But if you’re looking for some additional ideas, here are a few suggestions for fun things you might want to try out with your ride-on sex machine.

Experiment with Different Positions

The “classic” way to use a ride-on sex machine is, of course, the straddling position. But you can get as creative as you like! As always, the only correct way to do it is the way that feels good to you.

Floor hurting your knees? Try putting the machine on the bed or protecting your knees with cushions. Straddling position uncomfortable for your hips or back? Try a seated position with the toy between your legs instead. Lying down with the toy underneath you and grinding against it that way is another option. Does riding it “backwards” feel better for your body?

Experiment and see what feels good. There are no rules here.

Give (or Take) Control with a Partner

Many ride-on sex machines, including the Sybian and alternatives such as the Rider Desire, come with a remote control. This isn’t just a convenient way to control the toy without needing to fiddle with manual buttons. You can also use it to hand over control to a partner.

If you’re submissively inclined, you might enjoy your partner taking over and controlling your experience, allowing you to get completely into the moment and just feel the sensations. If you’re more dominant, why not make your submissive partner watch you get off with your machine, changing the settings or speed on your command?

Play with Forced Orgasms

In the context of kink and BDSM, a forced orgasm is a kind of kinky game where the submissive partner is “made” to orgasm while trying not to, sometimes just once and sometimes over and over.

Of course, the term “forced” is a misnomer. As with everything in sex, kink, and BDSM, this must only be done with explicit, enthusiastic consent and it is essential to have a safeword or other way the receiving partner can tap out at any time.

A ride-on sex machine can be a great way to experiment with forced orgasm play as the stimulation is intense and relentless by design. If you want to up the intensity even further, consider experimenting with combining your sex machine with bondage or restraint.

Try to Do Something Else While You Ride

Anyone else remember those kinky video clips of someone trying to read aloud while someone went down on them? You can adapt this concept for use with your ride-on sex machine. Try reading aloud, reciting lines, or performing a memory task while you ride the toy and gradually increase the intensity, and see how long you can last.

This is particularly fun if you combine it with power exchange. Perhaps the submissive partner gets punished when they make a mistake?

Combine Your Ride-On Sex Machine with Other Toys

I already said in my review that my favourite way to use the VVD Rider Desire ride-on sex machine is to use it without any of the internal attachments it comes with. As more of a clitoral stimulation gal than a penetration lover, that’s just what feels best to me.

Absolute gamechanger, though? Pairing the Rider Desire with one of my Grind Pads. You get the powerful vibrations of the Rider Desire combined with the textured stimulation of the grinder.

This works best with a grinder that comes with straps, as these will hold it in place on top of the machine no matter how vigorously you grind.

This post was sponsored by VVD and their Rider Desire ride-on sex machine, an affordable Cowgirl or Sybian alternative. All writing and views, as ever, are mine. Header image by VVD.

A pink cowboy hat and pair of brown cowboy boots. Caption reads: VVD Rider Desire Sex Saddle

[Toy Review] VVD Rider Desire Sex Saddle

Published on by Amy

There are certain items I wanted to get my hands on for ages before finally managing to, and receiving them felt like a career milestone of sorts. (Then there are certain toys that I liked the idea of owning, but the reality was really annoying. Looking at you, 42lb sex doll I have absolutely no use for that is still taking up space in my guest room.) One category I’ve been keen to explore for forever? Ride-on toys like the vibrating saddle sex machine we’re looking at today.

A sex saddle is, essentially, a toy that you straddle. Most have a part that goes inside the vagina, and then another part that stimulates the clit. Some come with interchangeable attachments for different riding experiences. The Sybian and Cowgirl are probably the most famous iterations.

VVD recently reached out and offered to sponsor a review of their “Rider Desire” sex saddle. Obviously I immediately said yes. It looks a little something like this:

VVD Rider Desire sex saddle with pink dildo attachment
Image: VVD

VVD Rider Desire Saddle Sex Machine

VVD, or “Viva Desire”, is a women-led brand currently producing a small line of toys aimed at people with vulvas. Currently, the Rider Desire is VVD’s flagship product, along with the “VKini“.

VVD Rider Desire sex saddle box
Image: VVD

The Rider Desire is a vibrating saddle-shaped ride-on sex toy made of a combination of hard plastic and soft silicone.

The Rider Desire comes with three attachments: a simple vibrating dildo, a thrusting attachment, and a tapping attachment. It also has an external part that vibrates and “taps” against the clit. It can also be used without attachments, which I’ll get into in more detail below.

VVD Rider Desire attachments image and sex saddle viewed from above
Image: VVD

Though it comes in a sizeable box, the Rider Desire is actually both smaller and lighter than a lot of other sex saddles on the market. It measures 44cm/17.3″ in total length, 24cm/9.4″ in width, and 20cm/7.8″ in height, and weighs 1.9kg or 4.2lb. Not the smallest or lightest thing ever, but less cumbersome than many comparable products. I recommend keeping the box it came in for easy storage of the saddle and its components.

What I Liked About the Rider Desire Vibrating Saddle Sex Machine

Let’s start by saying that I think this is an excellent product. Genuinely super impressive. So what specifically did I like about it?

  • Everything that touches your body is made of soft and body-safe silicone.
  • I love that it’s cordless! This offers much more flexibility in where and how I use it.
  • I love that the three attachments offer such different experiences and sensations! They’re not just different sized iterations of the same thing. The first is a basic curved vibrating dildo with a rippling texture. One offers a “tapping” sensation against the G-spot, similar to products such as the Lovense Osci. And the third provides a thrusting motion.
  • Even better, you can use this toy without any of the attachments, if you like! I’m generally more of a clitoral stimulation girl than a penetration girl, and I love being able to ride the VVD Sex Saddle and enjoy its amazing external motor (more on that in a minute) without needing to have something inside me unless I want to.
  • Let’s talk about that motor! So many ride-on or dual stimulation toys treat clitoral pleasure as an afterthought, giving us weak and buzzy motors that are more likely to numb me out than get me off. Not so here! The motor is strong and rumbly, and the tapping function is reminiscent of the (utterly excellent) Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen.
  • The attachments affix to the toy using a magnetic mechanism with a cut-out ridge to ensure you’re positioning them correctly. This means they stay in place well and don’t come loose during use.
  • The shape of the Rider Desire vibrating saddle sex machine allows for a gentle rocking motion, which is particularly enjoyable for me as someone who really loves getting off by grinding on things.
  • It comes with a remote control, allowing you to change the settings easily or hand over control to a partner. There’s definitely potential here for teasing and edging games, orgasm control, forced orgasm play, and more if you’re into any of that.
VVD Rider Desire buttons and remote control

  • If you prefer to use the buttons on the toy itself, this is easy. The buttons are intuitively positioned on the front underside of the toy. They are large and easy to press, and the controls are simple and intuitive. There’s a button to turn the saddle on and off, a button to activate the clitoral stimulator, and a button to activate the internal attachments. And yes, you can use both functions separately!
  • There’s a nice “heating” function that warms up the saddle to 42-45°C. Mmm, cosy!
  • It can actually be used hands-free!
  • While I wouldn’t call the Rider Desire a quiet toy, it’s definitely quieter than many other “sex saddle” type products.

Things to Be Aware Of

Perhaps due to its size, the Rider Desire saddle sex machine doesn’t have an amazing battery life. A full charge takes around 3 hours and gives just one and a quarter hours of runtime on average.

If you have pain in your knees or hips, you may find it challenging to use the Rider Desire on the floor. Try supporting your knees with cushions, putting the saddle on the bed or other soft surface instead, or even putting it on a chair and using it in a sitting position rather than a kneeling position. The only right way to do this is the way that’s comfortable for you!

Though the internal attachments are super easy to clean with a sterile wipe or warm water and soap, the external portion is a bit of a pain to clean. There are lots of ridges and the toy is only IPX5 waterproof, meaning it can withstand splashes but should not be submerged. I use a body-safe medical wipe and take extra care to get all the little crevices.

Personally, I wish there were more constant speeds and fewer patterns for the external portion. Does anyone actually like patterns? In my little world of sex geeks, folks seem to pretty much universally hate them.

The weight limit of the Rider Desire vibrating saddle is 150kg or 330lb, so it may not be suitable for those in bigger bodies.

I don’t mind it so much, but my partner and metamour – who also tested the toy – disliked the bright pink colour and suggested it would look more luxurious in a shade like the darker purple of the main box and attachments box.

VVD Rider Desire Saddle Sex Machine: Verdict

Overall, I think it’s fair to say that I was far more impressed by the Rider Desire Sex Saddle than I expected to be. It has actually good motors, great attachments, and a relatively lightweight build as well as good finishing touches like the remote control and intuitive button positioning. The ability to use it without penetration is what really tips it from good to great for me.

In my metamour’s words: 8/10 would ride again!

The VVD Rider Desire Sex Saddle retails for $399 US at full price. My readers can get $20 off with code “coffee.”

Thanks to VVD for sending me this product and sponsoring this honest review. All views and writing are mine. Follow VVD on Instagram as @VVD_co1, on TikTok as @ohyesvvd, and on X as @VVD_official1.

Hands holiding a heart-shaped asexual flag. Text reads: Redefining Kink Without Sex: Lessons in Non-Sexual BDSM by Void

[Guest Post] Redefining Kink Without Sex: Lessons in Non-Sexual BDSM from the Ace Spectrum by Void

Published on by Amy

I’ve published guest content on all kinds of experiences over the years here on C&K. We’ve talk about topics like medication-induced libido struggles and navigating complex mental health conditions. One thing I’ve got shamefully little content on, though? Asexual experiences. That’s why I jumped on this pitch from Void (any pronouns) all about the necessity of including non-sexual BDSM and kink in our parties, play spaces, and sex positive communities. I’ll hand straight over to them!

Amy x

Redefining Kink Without Sex: Lessons in Non-Sexual BDSM from the Ace Spectrum by Void

When someone searches online for the definitions of terms like “kink” and “BDSM,” results repeatedly mention sex. More than that, local adult clubs often intertwine swinger and kink events. Others have open floor plans, where sex is encouraged and indulged without offering any alternative experience. In the increasingly queerified BDSM community, there is a rising push towards inclusion for those who don’t need or want sex in their play scenes or dynamics. This means it’s time to evolve our definitions.

Redefining the concept of kink as something that can include sex but does not necessarily include it not only benefits people on the ace spectrum, but the community as a whole. Non-sexual BDSM awareness at events and clubs is the next step to queer inclusion. With Pride Month underway, I wanted to talk about how we can do it.

Debunking The Myth

People on the asexual spectrum who are sex-repulsed, averse, or ambivalent can still be kinky. Ace people are a diverse group, with some demisexuals and graysexuals having little difference in their preferences from allosexual people (those who experience consistent and active sexual attraction and desire.) Other ace people despise sex and would rather have nothing to do with it. To be clear, an ace person can desire sex for many reasons and still not want to see it during every visit to their local BDSM club.

Kink is supposed to be about consensual play, and not all play is sexual. It can be fun with friends, meditative, or even done solo without a partner. Someone can tie a chest harness as a service and keep watch while the bottom blisses out on bondage-induced serotonin. Pet play can be purely aesthetic as a puppy dresses to the nines in a leather suit and mask. Maybe someone wants to be a hypnotized doll for a day, or is a platonic caregiver for their friend who struggles to access little space.

Existing Writings on Non-Sexual BDSM

The Barefoot Backpacker details his personal experience with being kinky and ace in his post Asexuality and Kink. He writes: “Being tied doesn’t arouse me… I’ve almost fallen asleep whilst hogtied before, simply because it relaxes me so much.” He delves further into how his own asexuality is expressed through rope play, which often includes platonic cuddling and touching during scenes.

Exploration of non-sexual BDSM can also include long-term kink dynamics. The paper Ace of (BDSM) Clubs: Building Asexual Relationships Through BDSM Practice by Lorca Jolene Sloan expands upon how power dynamics can be not only validating but also empowering for ace people. Through 2-hour interviews with 15 ace people, Sloan found that BDSM structures enable asexual people to talk about non-sexual dynamics. This is because the community emphasizes embracing vulnerability and practicing meticulous dynamic negotiation, the author further explains.

The language to discuss different sexual preferences and feelings is already laid down in how we talk about bodily autonomy, personal boundaries, and kink limits. In her conclusion, Sloan observes that her interviews with asexual practitioners of BDSM provide a new perspective on building intimate relationships outside of sex or sexual desire. This opens up the potential for allosexual people to also consider whether sex is necessary in certain parts of their dynamics and to reimagine the relationships they can have with asexual partners.

Fostering Non-Sexual BDSM and Kink Inclusion

Once the kink community starts separating kink from sex and we start changing our definitions, then we can begin building a more inclusive community. Not every space or event has to include sex. In fact, some discourage or disallow sexual activity, especially at social events or when including new members.

Looking for some ideas for non-sexual BDSM activities? How about…
  • BDSM classes
  • Kinksters’ game nights
  • Cuddle puddles
  • Sleepovers
  • LGBTQ+ and polyamorous meetups
  • Platonic play nights
  • “Tasting” parties that allow a bottom to experience a variety of kinks with vetted, experienced tops at their local club. This allows new members to try out activities when they don’t have a partner as well as encouraging a communal play space where kink isn’t inherently sexualised.

The structure of venues can also include separate platonic/non-sexual play spaces and social areas. Not only does this provide a more inclusive environment, it can also be a non-stimulating space for aftercare, relaxing, and breaks from play.

For example, Voodoo Leatherworks, an alternative lifestyle community center in Colorado, has a play area and social lounge separated by closed double doors. While sex is allowed in the play area, the lounge requires clothing that covers erotic areas at all times and sex is prohibited.

Even if a kink space cannot afford a large, expansive venue with separate spaces, being conscientious that not all members will want to participate in sexual voyeurism and considering diverse perspectives on how events and venues can be structured also helps. Listen to asexual voices in the community. Have those discussions. Ask local leaders what else can be done to include non-sexual BDSM in play spaces. All of these are invaluable steps towards change.

Does this mean sex should be discouraged? No! Inclusion ultimately means all sexualities and deviations are welcome. BDSM has long been associated with sexual revolution and reclamation. There is absolutely no reason for better ace inclusion to detract from that. Rather, the intent is to also include asexual experiences and desires. This will mean changing how we communicate and participate within kink and sex. No one is being asked to stop being a slut. And asexual people can be sluts too!

Embracing Non-Sexual BDSM For a Better Community

Kinky ace people already exist and always have. We participate in community discussions, attend events, and play with all sorts of people in many different kinks and activities. Therefore, ace inclusivity is sorely needed to make everyone feel welcome. The misconception that kink and BDSM have to be sexual is harmful. It’s also perpetuated by community spaces encouraging sex with play at all their events.

There are many ways to start the discussion about distinguishing kink from sex and the sooner definitions start to change, the sooner we can build a better community that includes those who are uncomfortable around sex. This extends beyond ace people, by the way. It also includes those recovering from sexual trauma, those primarily interested in building community, and those just burnt out from being propositioned for sex at every event they attend.

The asexual spectrum teaches a lot of lessons that expand upon our understanding of sexual desire and attraction. Ultimately, it teaches people that it’s okay to not want sex. Sex is everywhere. It is also often filtered through harmful mainstream views and practices like misogyny, heteronormativity, and toxic monogamy culture. Even if someone isn’t ace, sometimes the last thing on their mind is sex. Sometimes, it’s a fun night laughing with friends as they yelp to the sting of a violet wand. Or finding out paddling puts them in a relaxed state of mind where their anxiety melts away and all that remains is the rhythmic, warming thud against their ass. Or an uninterrupted moment of self reflection as they clutch their favorite stuffy.

Kink comes in all colors of the rainbow and in all flavors of queerness. It’s past time to honor the asexual one.

About the Writer

Void is an experienced sub and Dom with a passion for minority topics. They are omnigender, pansexual, gray ace, polyamorous, and neurodivergent. In their free time they enjoy writing, reading, taking care of her cat Maya, and playing video games.

Close-up on a pair of bondage handcuffs for a post on medical restraints sponsored by Klinik Bondage

[Guest Post] Restraints for Medical Kink: How and Why Do People Use Them in BDSM? by Lorenz Engel

Published on by Amy

One of the best things about my job? Learning about niche kinks and why people are into the things they’re into. That’s why I’m pleased to be hosting this guest post on medical kink/fetish from Lorenz (he/him), the founder of Klinik Bondage. In it, he shares his unique perspective on medical restraints and the relationship between functionality and desire.

Amy x

Restraints for Medical Kink: How and Why Do People Use Them in BDSM? by Lorenz Engel of Klinik Bondage

Medical kink is a form of erotic roleplay in which participants consensually explore scenarios inspired by clinical or hospital environments. This can include elements like physical exams, medical restraints, latex gloves, or clinical tools—often paired with a strong power dynamic, vulnerability, or the taboo of clinical authority. 

For many, the appeal of this fetish lies in the psychological intensity: the blend of trust, control, and intimacy that comes from simulated “treatment.” Some also enjoy the aesthetic of medical settings, while others find the structure and formality arousing. 

Though comprehensive statistics are limited, the information we do have suggests that medical play is a niche but significant interest in the BDSM community. For example, a 2015 Fetlife user survey by Dr. Brad Sagarin found that around 20% of respondents had engaged in some form of medical fetish play, with many citing its psychological edge and ritualistic nature as central to its appeal.

It is important to note that people with a medical kink do not typically find actual medical treatments arousing. This is an area where fantasy and reality sharply diverge. 

Use of Restraints in Medical Kinks 

People who have a medical kink or fetish sometimes use restraints to enhance the pleasure and power dynamics of these scenarios. For many players, restraints play an integral role in the kink. 

Restraints such as leather cuffs, straps, or handcuffs can be used in role-playing scenarios where the restrained partner submits to the dominant one. The feeling of complete immobilization can make physical sensations more intense and create a more immersive psychological experience. 

As with everything in BDSM and sex, medical play is based on mutual consent. Both/all partners must agree on boundaries, limits, and what activities are and are not on the table. Safewords and clear communication are essential. 

How A Small BDSM Brand is Reinventing This Kink

For years, those interested in medical kink had limited options, often resorting to repurposed hospital equipment or makeshift solutions. However, our small German brand Klinik Bondage has recognized the unique needs of the BDSM community and created purpose-built, high-quality gear for medical players.

At KlinikBondage® we like to think that these key innovations set our products apart:

  • Long-Term Comfort: The restraints are designed for extended wear, with materials that are soft at key pressure points. This prevents discomfort while maintaining immobilization for the submissive partner. 
  • Magnetic Locking System: Klinik Bondage incorporates powerful magnetic locks in our BDSM medical restraints, making them both secure and easy to release with specialized keys. These locks provide an added layer of control, ensuring that only the keyholder can grant freedom. For safety, we strongly recommend always keeping a spare key within reach and never leaving a bound person unattended. Consent, care, and risk mitigation are the foundation of every scene.
  • Customizable Bed Restraints: Klinik Bondage offers a variety of bed restraints that can be adapted to different bed sizes and setups, ensuring a perfect fit for any body and any scene.
  • Premium Materials: Made from high-quality and skin-friendly bio-cotton, our restraints are both durable and washable, making them ideal for long-term play without compromising hygiene or comfort. 

More Than Just a Bed Restraint

While most people associate medical kink restraints with beds, their application in BDSM goes far beyond that. Klinik Bondage offers wrist and ankle cuffs, body harnesses and much more, designed for long-term immobilization, creating a full-body experience that emphasizes helplessness. 

There’s also an increasing interest in self-bondage within medical-themed play. Devices like frost locks—time-release mechanisms using melting ice—allow solo players to experience prolonged immobilization while maintaining an element of safety. The psychological challenge of waiting for release can intensify the experience, adding layers of anticipation and mental endurance.

A word of warning here: solo bondage is a form of edge play and can be dangerous. Never restrain yourself without easy access to a quick-release mechanism for emergencies and a means of calling for help if you need it. And never, ever, ever put any kind of restraint around your neck or do anything to restrict your breathing. 

Exploring the Depths of Control

Medical kink and restraint play in BDSM is not just about physical immobilization—it’s a journey into mental surrender. The feeling of being securely bound in a system designed for absolute stillness can be both calming and intensely erotic. Whether used for roleplay, sensory deprivation, or long-term confinement, medical restraints offer a structured and immersive way to explore deep levels of submission and control. 

More than just a fetish, medical restraints bring a uniquely intense experience of restriction and immobilization to your kinky scenes. 

About the Writer

Lorenz Engel is the founder of Klinik Bondage, a German BDSM brand redefining modern fetish aesthetics. With a background in fiber engineering and a deep passion for the kinky community, he’s been pushing the boundaries of fetish aesthetics since 2020.

Heads up: this post contains sponsored links. All content and views are the writer’s own!

BDSM gear on a pink background, header image for a post on the question of "Am I Kinky?"

Am I Kinky? How to Tell and How to Better Understand Your Kinks

Published on by Amy

Some kinksters have always known they were kinky, sometimes from even before they had a word for it. Others come to kink and BDSM later on, after intensely questioning and examining their desires and fantasies. Have you ever agonised over the question “am I kinky?”, wondered if you’re kinky enough to claim the label and call yourself a part of the community, or felt stuck on how to explore your interest in kinky things?

If so, this post is for you.

What is Kinky?

This is where I always like to start when it comes to examining the question of whether a person is kinky: what even is kinky, anyway?

Wikipedia defines kinkiness as “the use of sexual practices, concepts or fantasies that are not conventional.” This general theme continues in other definitions I looked at. Justin Hancock, of sex education platform Bish UK, writes that “‘Kink’ is a set of pleasurable activities that people choose to do together that in other contexts are not pleasurable or usual.” The Cambridge Dictionary definies it as “a strange habit, usually of a sexual nature.”

But these definitions require us to ask ourselves: what is “conventional?” What is “usual?” In order to define what it means to step outside of these “norms”, we have to understand what the norms are in the first place.

Sexual norms, like other societal norms, are inherently subjective and informed by an array of factors from the social and political to the religious. Some people would say that the only “normal” sex to have is married, penis-in-vagina intercourse in the missionary position. Some would say that activities such as oral sex, anal sex, and mutual masturbation are completely “normal” and therefore not kinky. For others, however, having anal sex or masturbating in front of their partner might feel extremely kinky.

Pain is often associated with BDSM, but this isn’t always the case. My friend Violet Grey wrote a great guest blog about how kink isn’t all whips and chains. You don’t need to play with pain at all to be kinky, if you don’t want to. For some people, kink is entirely or mostly psychological. For others, it involves playing with intense or challenging sensations that are not necessarily painful (rope bondage, tickling kinks, and temperature play being just some obvious examples.)

Power play is another facet that often appears in kink, but doesn’t have to. Dominant and submissive dynamics – the D/s in BDSM – are one way to play with kink, but they are not essential to it. For example, some people enjoy sadomasochism (the consensual giving and receiving of pain) without any element of power imbalance.

Then there’s fetishism, which involves a sexual response to an item, body part, or activity that is not traditionally viewed as sexual. Foot fetishes, material fetishes (such as latex or rubber), and watersports (playing with pee) are just some examples of common fetishes. But do you need to have a fetish to be kinky? Nope!

I realise this might not be very helpful. I realise I’m offering lots of things that being kinky might mean, but no hard and fast litmus test. But that’s also part of the beauty of kink. You get to define what it means to you and for you.

Do you fantasise about, or take part in, sexual or sensual acts that feel in some way unconventional or “outside the norm” to you? If so, you might be kinky!

Am I Kinky Enough to Call Myself Kinky?

If you take nothing else from this piece, I hope you’ll remember this: there’s no such thing as “kinky enough”.

Much like queerness, ultimately the only test is “do you identify as kinky?” If so, then congratulations! You’re kinky! It’s also fine to take part in the community even if you’re not yet sure if you’re kinky, by the way. We’ll talk about this a bit more later on.

You don’t need to be into the most extreme things imaginable to call yourself kinky. Everyone has unique preferences, desires, limits, and boundaries. You also don’t need to be constantly trying out the next new hardcore thing! If the only kinky thing you ever want to do is get tickled with feathers, or have your wrists cuffed to the headboard during sex, or spank your lover? You’re kinky enough!

I can’t promise you won’t encounter any gatekeeping in the kink community. Sadly you might. After all, kink scenes are made up of people and people are sometimes dickheads. However, the vast majority of the people you meet will likely be completely lovely and non-judgemental. If anyone judges you for not being extreme enough or says that your kink isn’t really a kink, feel enormously free to ignore them. Or tell them to fuck off. That’s fun too.

6 Ways to Better Understand Your Kinks

If you think you could be kinky, you might already know exactly what you’re into. You might also have only a vague sense… or absolutely no idea yet! Whatever is true for you, it’s all fine. In this section, I’ll give you a few ideas for ways you can explore your kinky identity further and develop a deeper understanding of your kinks.

Take a BDSM Test

A BDSM test is an online quiz that asks you a series of questions to help you determine your kink identity, role, interests, or archetype. It can be a great place to start your explorations.

Remember that a BDSM test is supposed to be a guide, not Gospel. If your result doesn’t feel quite right for you, then that’s also useful information you can take forward. It can also be useful to revisit your BDSM test of choice every year or two. Chances are your preferences will evolve and your results might change, too. Mine certainly have!

Do a Yes/No/Maybe List

Yes/No/Maybe lists are checklists of all kinds of kinky activities. The idea is that you go through the list and indicate whether you’re a “yes”, a “no”, or a “maybe” to doing each thing. Some lists also have a column where you can indicate your level of interest and/or level of experience with each activity. They’re a great place to start exploring what types of kinky play might interest you. They can also help you to identify the things you absolutely don’t want to do, which is equally useful.

Yes/No/Maybe lists can be particularly useful tools in negotiating kinky play or relationships. If you and your partner or prospective partner complete the same list, you can then compare your results to find out where your interests overlap.

You can find numerous free Yes/No/Maybe lists online. I like this one by Bex Talks Sex!

Consume Erotic Content

Erotic content such as ethical porn, written erotica, and audio erotica can be great ways to explore your interest in kink, whether you consume it alone or with a partner. If you consume a wide array of content you might even discover new things that interest you!

Remember: porn and erotica are entertainment, not instruction. They can help you to understand your kinks, but they are not a blueprint for how to do it in real life. Finding something hot in fiction also doesn’t mean you need to do it in real life. If you have a fantasy that you’d prefer stayed a fantasy, that is completely valid.

Get Involved in Your Local Kink Community

Wherever you are in your personal kink journey, there are so many great reasons to seek out your local community.

Firstly, you’ll make friends. Kinky friends can be utterly invaluable, particularly when you’re new and exploring. It’s considered poor etiquette to treat kink spaces as your personal cruising grounds, but if you’re looking for a partner or play partner then making authentic connections and building a solid reputation in the kinky community is a great place to start.

Being active in your local community is the best way to find out about events, get vetted, and get invited to awesome play parties!

You’ll also learn a lot. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about kinksters in my 16 years “on the scene” it’s that we’re fucking nerds. Want to enthuse about your favourite kinky thing? Desperate to show off your gorgeous new custom flogger or eager to learn how to tie someone up safely? The kink community is where you can make the kinds of friends who will relish these interactions.

Start by heading out to your local munch or finding a class on a kinky activity that interests you.

Talk About Your Fantasies

If you have a partner or partners, talking about your fantasies can help you both/all to learn more about your kinks. Talking about fantasies can be a safe way to ease into trying them out. It can also be a hot precursor to sex.

Want to talk about your kinks but don’t have a partner to do it with? Try joining some discussion groups for your interests on Fetlife or paying a professional phone sex/cyber sex provider to engage in some dirty talk with you.

Try Things Out

Sometimes there’s no substitute for just trying something to see if you like it. If you think you might be into a particular kink, why not grab a consenting partner and give it a go? (You can also explore many elements of BDSM alone, by the way, but that’s a subject for another post!)

Do your research beforehand so you know how to stay safe. Establish a safeword or safe signal. Discuss desires, hard and soft limits, and boundaries. Go as slowly as you need to. Most importantly, check in regularly and communicate with your partner or partners at every stage. Grab a beginners’ bondage kit to start trying things out without spending a fortune.

And remember: kink and BDSM is a journey. You don’t need to have all the answers now or ever. Evolving, growing, changing, and reevaluating is part of the deal and part of the fun. Let the adventure take you where it will!

This post was kindly sponsored by Fetish.com and their BDSM test! All views and writing are, as always, mine.

Header image for a post on home dungeon design: a bondage bed with black leather handcuffs on chains and a St Andrews cross on the wall behind

Bondage Bed, Suspension Points, and More: 8 Things I’d Want in My Dream Home Dungeon

Published on by Amy

Did you see that Netflix series How to Build a Sex Room? Like millions of other kinksters, I watched it and it got me thinking about what my own “sex room” might look like. In a world where I had a much bigger house than I do and an unlimited interior design budget, one of the first things I’d do would be to construct a badass playroom or home dungeon. And of course, from a bondage bed and spanking bench to suspension points and toy storage solutions, I’ve put a lot of thought into this concept and what I’d want to include.

It goes without saying that you don’t need tonnes of amazing kit to do BDSM. Your first and best tool in constructing scenes is your imagination. But one of the reasons I enjoy going to clubs and public play spaces is to use the kit I don’t have access to at home. I suspect the same is true for a lot of kinksters who play at clubs, dungeons and parties.

So just for fun, let’s do a little kink-meets-interior-design. If I could build my dream home dungeon, what would I put in it?

Suspension Points

Suspension points are absolutely essential if you want to do any kind of shibari or bondage that includes someone coming off the ground. You can get portable suspension frames (I actually have one in bits in my spare room right now!) but properly ceiling-mounted hard points are safer, more space-efficient, and less effort to set up.

Suspension points (AKA hard points) aren’t just for rope, either. You can also use them for other things, such as mounting a sex swing.

Speaking of which…

A Sex Swing

Sex swings are so versatile. They allow you to get into all kinds of positions safely and comfortably that would not otherwise be possible. They’re great for trying out different positions for penetrative sex (either with a bio-cock or a strap-on) but you can also use them for oral sex, kink scenarios, and more.

I actually own a door-mounted sex swing, but it has never come out of its packaging for the simple reason that I do not trust the structural integrity of my very old house’s doors that much. It feels like a recipe for injury. So a proper sex swing that I could mount on safe, load-rated hard points would be amazing.

A Bondage Bed

The awesome thing about bondage beds is they’re not just one thing. Despite the name, a bondage bed can also be a table or flat surface, a restraint rack, an alternative to a St Andrews cross for standing impact play, and much more. You can even use it in conjunction with other items of dungeon furniture to create just about anything your kinky heart desires. For example, why not add a toy mount or a wand harness, which can hold a toy in place against the bottom’s body while keeping the top’s hands free to do other things?

The possibilities are limited only by your imagination, your and your partner’s boundaries, and the laws of physics. A good bondage bed will also be able to accommodate all body types, no matter your size or weight.

I’d love a customisable bondage bed for my home dungeon. I think I’d really enjoy getting cuffed to it for a flogging, or using it with the toy mount for edging and denial scenes. Given the size, it would also be ideal for group scenes. I think it would be super fun to cuff two submissives to it in a face to face position, making them each watch what’s happening to the other one. Exhibitionism, voyeurism, anticipation, and a little light fear play all in one… fun, no?

A Spanking Bench

The humble spanking bench always seems to be one of the most-used bits of kit whenever I go to a dungeon or play party. A spanking bench allows the bottom to hold a bent-over position for impact play more easily. It can help the bottom to stay comfortable and prevent them moving around too much, give the top a clear spot to aim for, and enhance feelings of vulnerability and humiliation if you’re into that.

My ideal spanking bench would be one of those lovely wooden, leather-padded ones that comes with built-in restraints for the wrists, ankles, and upper body.

A Bondage Wheel

One of my favourite local dungeons has one of these, and I absolutely love it. It’s a padded, wall-mounted wheel with restraints to strap a person to in an upright position. You can then tilt it in any direction, or even spin it all the way around.

Bondage wheels are fun for all kinds of reasons. You can immobilise your partner and move them around at will to try out different activities or reach different parts of their body. If disorientation is something you like to play with, combining a bondage wheel with sensory deprivation play can create a very intense experience.

They’re also a fun way to experiment with inversion (being upside down) in a way that you can get out of in seconds if you need to.

Wall-Mounted Toy Storage

When designing the perfect kinky play space, practicality is at least as important as aesthetics. To that end, I’d make use of wall-mounted toy storage solutions.

I have to credit sex and mental health writer JoEllen Notte for the genius idea of using a wall-mounted wine rack to store wand vibrators. I’d love to display my wands this way in my hypothetical home dungeon! (JoEllen is also the person who gave me the idea of repurposing door-hanging shoe holders with multiple pockets, which I now use to store both my sex toys and my hair and beauty products!)

I’d also love to have some beautiful wooden or metal hooks on the walls to store my floggers, paddles, and other large impact toys as well as coils of rope and cuff sets.

Erotic Art & Decor

I have a growing collection of erotic art in my office and bedroom, from shibari-themed embroidery to a sapphic BDSM print to an incense holder shaped like a vulva. I’d love to expand this collection a lot more, and I feel like my home dungeon would be the perfect place to show this off. My dream would be to invest in commissioning my favourite kinky and sex-positive artists to create some custom work for the space.

As far as colour schemes, I’m thinking dark wood furniture and splashes of dark plum purple and rich teal green. Less “red room of pain” and more “high-end hotel suite… but make it kinky.”

Aftercare Corner

Aftercare is one of the most crucial parts of a good kink scene. Good aftercare helps the players to ground, regroup, and connect to each other again as equal humans after intense play. My dungeon would have a cosy aftercare corner with a comfortable sofa, warm blankets, and maybe a mini-fridge well stocked with water and snacks for a post-play pick-me-up.

What would you want in your home dungeon?

FYI: this post was sponsored. All views and writing are, as always, my own.