Tag: kink and BDSM

Header image for a post on home dungeon design: a bondage bed with black leather handcuffs on chains and a St Andrews cross on the wall behind

Bondage Bed, Suspension Points, and More: 8 Things I’d Want in My Dream Home Dungeon

Published on by Amy

Did you see that Netflix series How to Build a Sex Room? Like millions of other kinksters, I watched it and it got me thinking about what my own “sex room” might look like. In a world where I had a much bigger house than I do and an unlimited interior design budget, one of the first things I’d do would be to construct a badass playroom or home dungeon. And of course, from a bondage bed and sex swing to suspension points and toy storage solutions, I’ve put a lot of thought into this concept and what I’d want to include in my dungeon.

It goes without saying that you don’t need tonnes of amazing kit to do BDSM. Your first and best tool in constructing scenes is your imagination. But one of the reasons I enjoy going to clubs and public play spaces is to use the kit I don’t have access to at home. I suspect the same is true for a lot of kinksters who play at clubs, dungeons and parties.

So just for fun, let’s do a little kink-meets-interior-design. If I could build my dream home dungeon, what would I put in it?

Hard Points for Suspension and More

Suspension points are absolutely essential if you want to do any kind of shibari or bondage that includes someone coming off the ground. You can get portable suspension frames (I actually have one in bits in my spare room right now!) but properly ceiling-mounted hard points are safer, more space-efficient, and less effort to set up. I’d definitely install one in my home dungeon.

Suspension points (AKA hard points) aren’t just for rope, either. You can also use them for other things, such as mounting a sex swing.

Speaking of which…

A Sex Swing

Sex swings are so versatile and a great alternative to beds for a home dungeon with limited space. They allow you to get into all kinds of positions safely and comfortably that would not otherwise be possible. They’re great for trying out different positions for penetrative sex (either with a bio-cock or a strap-on) but you can also use them for oral sex, kink scenarios, and more.

I actually own a door-mounted sex swing, but it has never come out of its packaging for the simple reason that I do not trust the structural integrity of my very old house’s doors that much. It feels like a recipe for injury. So a proper sex swing that I could mount on safe, load-rated hard points would be amazing.

A Bondage Bed: The Ultimate Home Dungeon Sex Accessory

The awesome thing about bondage beds is they’re not just one thing. Despite the name, a bondage bed in your home dungeon can also be a table or flat surface, a restraint rack, an alternative to a St Andrews cross for standing impact play, a surface for sex, and much more. You can even use it in conjunction with other items of dungeon furniture to create just about anything your kinky heart desires. For example, why not add a toy mount or a wand harness, which can hold a toy in place against the bottom’s body while keeping the top’s hands free to do other things?

The possibilities are limited only by your imagination, your and your partner’s boundaries, and the laws of physics. A good bondage bed will also be able to accommodate all body types, no matter your size or weight.

I’d love a customisable bondage bed for my home dungeon. I think I’d really enjoy getting cuffed to it for a flogging, or using it with the toy mount for edging and denial scenes. Given the size, it would also be ideal for group scenes. I think it would be super fun to cuff two submissives to it in a face to face position, making them each watch what’s happening to the other one. Exhibitionism, voyeurism, anticipation, and a little light fear play all in one… fun, no?

A Spanking Bench

The humble spanking bench always seems to be one of the most-used bits of kit whenever I go to a dungeon or play party. A spanking bench allows the bottom to hold a bent-over position for impact play more easily. It can help the bottom to stay comfortable and prevent them moving around too much, give the top a clear spot to aim for, and enhance feelings of vulnerability and humiliation if you’re into that.

My ideal spanking bench would be one of those lovely wooden, leather-padded ones that comes with built-in restraints for the wrists, ankles, and upper body.

A Bondage Wheel

One of my favourite local dungeons has one of these, and I absolutely love it. It’s a padded, wall-mounted wheel with restraints to strap a person to in an upright position. You can then tilt it in any direction, or even spin it all the way around.

Bondage wheels are fun for all kinds of reasons. You can immobilise your partner and move them around at will to try out different activities or reach different parts of their body. If disorientation is something you like to play with, combining a bondage wheel with sensory deprivation play can create a very intense experience.

They’re also a fun way to experiment with inversion (being upside down) in a way that you can get out of in seconds if you need to.

Practical, Wall-Mounted Home Dungeon Toy Storage Solutions

When designing the perfect kinky play space, practicality is at least as important as aesthetics. To that end, I’d make use of wall-mounted toy storage solutions.

I have to credit sex and mental health writer JoEllen Notte for the genius idea of using a wall-mounted wine rack to store wand vibrators. I’d love to display my wands this way in my hypothetical home dungeon! (JoEllen is also the person who gave me the idea of repurposing door-hanging shoe holders with multiple pockets, which I now use to store both my sex toys and my hair and beauty products!)

I’d also love to have some beautiful wooden or metal hooks on the walls to store my floggers, paddles, and other large impact toys as well as coils of rope and cuff sets.

Home Dungeon Style: Erotic Art & Decor

I have a growing collection of erotic art in my office and bedroom, from shibari-themed embroidery to a sapphic BDSM print to an incense holder shaped like a vulva. I’d love to expand this collection a lot more, and I feel like my home dungeon would be the perfect place to show this off. My dream would be to invest in commissioning my favourite kinky and sex-positive artists to create some custom work for the space.

As far as colour schemes, I’m thinking dark wood furniture and splashes of dark plum purple and rich teal green. Less “red room of pain” and more “high-end hotel suite… but make it kinky.”

Aftercare Corner

Aftercare is one of the most crucial parts of a good kink scene. Good aftercare helps the players to ground, regroup, and connect to each other again as equal humans after intense play. It can also help to reduce sub drop/Top drop. My dungeon would have a cosy aftercare corner with a comfortable sofa, warm blankets, and maybe a mini-fridge well stocked with water and snacks for a post-play pick-me-up.

FYI: this post was sponsored. All views and writing are, as always, my own.

Header image for a review of the Nothosaur Audrey II ovipositor toy

[Toy Review] Nothosaur Audrey II Ovipositor Dildo

Published on by Amy

One of the coolest things about being a sex writer is that I get to discover new things I’m into that I would never have thought to try. Another super cool thing about it? I get to discover new things I’m not into that I would never have thought to try. This week, through writing this review, I have learned that I am not into ovipositor toys (egg-laying dildos.)

This revelation isn’t entirely surprising to me, to be fair. I can’t say the idea, in itself, is ever something that has sparked fantasies or even that I have thought about very much at all. But, when Nothosaur asked me if I would test out one of their ovipositor dildos and write about it, I was curious enough to give it a go. Naturally, being a huge musical theatre nerd, I had to pick the one called “Audrey II.”

Audrey II Review: What is an Ovipositor Toy and Why Are People Into Them?

Nothosaur Audrey II ovipositor toy set

In nature, an ovipositor is a tube-like organ that some animals use for laying eggs. In the world of sex toys, an ovipositor is a hollow dildo that “lays eggs” inside the user.

Ovipositation kinks often come along with impregnation fetishes, though they can also exist separately as their own thing. I’m far too legitimately afraid of pregnancy to eroticise it, personally, but it’s a super common kink. The reasons why people might be into ovipositation are many and varied. Some enjoy the physical sensation of having the eggs deposited inside them, or of “laying” them out again. For others, it’s a natural extension of a monster-fucking or alien-fucking fetish. Some connect it to consensual non-consent (CNC) fantasies, humiliation kinks, fear play, dehumanisation or animal roleplay kinks, and many more.

Ovipositor dildos have a hollow cavity through the middle into which users can insert eggs, which they can then pop out inside their vagina or anus.

Important Things to Know About the Audrey II Ovipositor Toy

If you’re into the idea of fucking an alien plant tendril, then look no further. The Nothosaur Audrey II is a beautifully made and intricate ovipositor toy with an impressive level of detailing. It is made of body-safe matte silicone and the various ridges and bumps add not just aesthetic appeal but also additional internal stimulation in use. The standard green colourway with hints of red adds to the “scary alien plant” vibe, but you can also get it in your choice of custom colours if you prefer.

Nothosaur Audrey II ovipositor toy

You can’t really use the Audrey II as a regular dildo without the eggs unless you’re into VERY soft and flexible toys. Due to the hollow interior, it’s ultra squishy to the point that it is hard to even insert. It has a suction cup base, though I’m not sure how much use this would be to anyone using the toy for its intended purpose.

You can order the Audrey II ovipositor toy with or without eggs. These eggs are known at Nothosaur as OGGs and available in a range of sizes. You can also order OGGs separately if you decide you want to add them on later or if you want to add more to your collection. The eggs are genuinely super pretty and come in a range of random colourways.

Nothosaur Audrey II ovipositor toy eggs

Your other option is to make eggs yourself using the included molds. The Audrey II comes with 3 egg molds in different sizes. Nothosaur has also provided handy instructions on how to make eggs. In a nutshell, you’ll need gelatin powder, very hot water, a syringe, and your fridge or freezer. I did some research into this and the general consensus seems to be that gelatin is safe to use in the vagina or anus as long as you’re not allergic. Use plain gelatin with no sugars, dyes, or any other additives, as introducing these things into your body can disrupt your vaginal health and be a breeding ground for infection.

If you want to use the Audrey II ovipositor toy anally, it’s important to only use gelatin eggs which will dissolve inside you. Never, ever put the silicone eggs inside your butt. They could get lost or stuck, which can be dangerous. The gelatin will go all melty and goopy pretty quickly, so it’s best to allow some time for clean-up. Put a towel down if you don’t want to risk staining your sheets.

Inserting the eggs takes a little practice but is easy once you get the hang of it. You’ll need plenty of lubricant (water-based or oil-based is ideal) and to use the provided plastic booster to push the eggs up inside and through the toy.

The Audrey II’s squishiness helps to enable eggs to pass through the dildo more easily. Be careful where you’re squeezing, though. They can pop out of the bottom of the toy if you’re not careful.

Nothosaur Audrey II ovipositor toy

Actually getting the eggs to come out took me a couple of attempts to get the hang of. It takes a little more pressure than you think it will. Pro tip: clean your hands if they’re covered in lube from setting things up, otherwise you’ll just end up with things slipping out of your hands and flying everywhere.

I ordered the small size Audrey II ovipositor to review, which measures 7″ in total length and around 5.5″ in insertable length. Its 1.8″ diameter makes it comfortable to use and not too girthy.

Audrey II Ovipositor Review: Verdict

I have learned that ovipositor toys definitely aren’t my kink. But this fetish is a pretty common one, as I learned in the course of researching this post, so it might well be yours! And if so, this is an excellent product. The Audrey II ovipositor is thoughtfully designed and beautifully made. Nothosaur’s product presentation and customer service are both excellent, too. I received several fun extras with my toy, including a cute branded storage bag, some stickers, and a cock keyring.

I’ll just leave you with this, courtesy of my nesting partner Mr C&K:

Him: “Audrey II didn’t lay eggs.”
Me: “No, it ate faces… I’m putting that in the review.”

The Audrey II ovipositor toy starts from $75.99 for the smallest size. Larger sizes, custom colours, and adding silicone eggs will all increase the price. When you use my links and my code COFFEE at checkout, you can get 10% off your entire purchase.

Thanks to Nothosaur Toys for sending me the Audrey II ovipositor to review and for sponsoring this post. All views, as always, are mine. Check out their full range of ovipositors and other fantasy dildos.

Header image featuring keys in a range of sizes for a guest post from TotalChastity on what total chastity means to their customers

[Guest Post] What Does “Total Chastity” Mean to You?

Published on by Amy

I’ve written for TotalChastity a couple of times before, and this time their team pitched me a guest post of their own! They decided to poll their customers on what “total chastity” means to them. The results are quite enlightening, so I’ll hand you over to them to tell you all about it!

Amy x

What Does “Total Chastity” Mean to You?

Running our male chastity[1] website TotalChastity gives us the opportunity to interact with a huge range of submissives, Dominants, and Mistresses. While we’re all here for similar reasons, each individual in the fetish community is different. Even our name, TotalChastity, invokes all kinds of ideas and fantasies for different people, so we thought it would be fun to ask the question:

“What does “total chastity” mean to you?”

Here are some of the responses we got.

[1] “Male chastity” is the term commonly used to refer to a person with a penis being locked up in a chastity cage. However, this is a bit of a misnomer as not everyone with a penis–or who enjoys this kink–is a man

“For Me, It Means Being Locked 24/7”

Permanent chastity was one of the most common answers we got when we quizzed our customers. The idea of chastity totally taking over your life is a common one within the fetish, and many submissives aspire to reach this despite the difficulty for most people.

“Even when I was just getting started, being locked all the time was the goal. It’s harder than you think to pull off though. There’s always a day where you’re uncomfortable or don’t feel up to it. I’m still not there yet but I don’t feel like I’ll be doing “Total Chastity” until I am.”

While the idea of permanent chastity can be a tantalising carrot for many submissives, it’s not something you should dive straight into. We advise starting with small periods of time wearing the cage and increasing them gradually. Even if you need to take the cage off at night, but wear it throughout the day, you shouldn’t feel like a failure.

It’s also important to be aware of the safety implications of wearing a chastity cage long term. We like this piece by Dan Savage in which he consulted with a urologist on how to do chastity safely. 

“Total Chastity Means Having a Mistress”

While we always encourage those who want to practise male chastity alone to do so, for some it’s never enough. Despite the majority of the experience being completely possible as a solo submissive, many of the responses we got from our customers stated that they felt they wouldn’t be doing “Total Chastity” until they find themselves someone to hold the keys and to truly submit to.

“I did my time on my own, but it never really clicked until I found Mistress. You can try all the neat tricks you want like giving the key to a friend or burying it in the garden, but you can always just go get it back. Once you’ve found someone to take that dominant role over you it really changes everything. To me that’s the step that takes it from just chastity to “total chastity”.”

Even though this point of view was fairly common amongst the chastity enthusiasts we spoke to, we always encourage those with an interest in chastity to give it a try even without a partner. It can help you explore the fetish, figure out which parts you like and dislike, and go into a partnered relationship more prepared with an idea of what you want to get out of it. There are also more and more products coming out to help support solo submissives such as app locking cages, and online keyholding services, which can give you an idea of what it’ll be like having a real Mistress, Master, or Dominant.

“It’s More Than a Cage”

Anyone can put on a chastity cage. Anyone can wear one for hours or even days. But does that make them a chastity submissive? For many of our TotalChastity customers, the bit that comes after putting on the cage is what really defines “total chastity”.

“When I first started, I think I mind- gamed myself a bit. For some reason I thought once I’d bought a chastity device and put it on that would be it. Really though, it was only the beginning. Once the initial excitement wore off, reality started to set in. For me the things you do while you’re wearing the cage are so much more important than just the act of locking up your junk. Only once you start to live your life as a submissive do you truly start to experience “total chastity”.”

A lot of stores are only really in it to sell you a cage. Once they’ve made the sale, you’re left to figure out the rest on your own. Luckily there are plenty of resources online to help, including forums where you can talk to others who’ve gone through exactly the same process when they started out.

At Total Chastity, we want to be part of this process. That’s why we regularly post an array of chastity themed content that can help you not just with choosing and buying a cage, but what to do after you’ve put it on.

“Total Chastity Means Total Submission”

A slightly more philosophical answer that we got from some of our customers was focused on the submissive component of the chastity process. These answers were massively varied, but followed the same general theme that there was a moment during the experience where it truly felt that they were powerless and “became a true submissive”. For these individuals, that “moment” is what it means to experience “total chastity”.

“There wasn’t one specific thing that I can think of. It was more like I’d crossed a bridge and there was no going back. I’d gone through the motions for months and yeah, it was fun and interesting. But one day it just clicked. She was in control. My cock was hers. Nothing I said or did would change that. That was my “total chastity” moment.”

It’s difficult to pin down a specific thing that would give you this “moment”. All we can really do if you’re looking for it is to keep exploring and trying different aspects of chastity, experimenting and exploring to figure out what works for you.

“Total Chastity Means Total Chastity”

Hearing these points of view from our customers was a fascinating experienced which reaffirmed our own beliefs. Total chastity isn’t about one specific thing. It’s the whole experience that matters, and it is deeply personal.

That’s why we at TotalChastity aim to focus on providing as much of that experience as possible. From quality cages to in depth advice. From chatting to submissives and Dominants on social media to trying out as many cages as we can. Total chastity is our mission, and we aim to deliver it to all who want to experience it–whatever that means to you.

This guest post contains sponsored links from TotalChastity

Header image for a post on kink party outfit ideas and what to wear to a play party

Kink Party Outfit Ideas: What to Wear to a Play Party

Published on by Amy

When people are getting ready to attend their first kink party, one of the most frequency asked questions is “what the hell do I wear!?” What to wear to a kink play party can feel like a minefield, but it’s not as complicated as it seems. In this post I’ll dispel some common myths as well as share some kink party outfit ideas to get you inspired. I’ve also included some links to some of my favourite pieces and stores.

Check the Dress Code

Some parties and events have their own dresscode. These can be anything from very broad and general to highly specific. Events with very specific dress codes are generally those geared around a particular kink which relates in some way to the dress code – for example, clothed Dom/naked sub events or those for latex fetishists. Some may even have fun fancy dress themes.

Many events will simply state “fetishwear”, “make an effort”, “smart black minimum”, or “no jeans or trainers.” Within the dress code or general guidelines, you’re free to be as creative as you like.

Check out the Fetlife page for your chosen event, if they have one. You may see pictures that past attendees have shared of their outfits, which can provide some inspiration, or example pictures for what constitutes suitable attire.

What is “Fetishwear?”

Fetishwear is a pretty broad term. In short, though, it refers to anything out-of-the-box, provocative, sexualised, or in some way over-the-top or extreme. Certain fabrics, such as leather, latex, rubber, PVC, and wet-look styles are commonly seen in fetishwear.

Highly structured items such as corsets as well as revealing clothing such as lingerie may also be considered fetishwear. Certain types of detailing, such as straps, studs, or spikes, can add a fetishy vibe to your kink party outfit.

Kinky or sexualised accessories and BDSM wear such as collars and cuffs, body harnesses, stockings, and extreme footwear can fall into this category, too.

Do I Have to Spend a Lot of Money?

Nope!

There are some kink events that have a reputation for being picky to the point of snobbish about the dress code, putting expectations on attendees that are financially prohibitive to many. I recommend avoiding those events unless spending hundreds of £/$ on an outfit is part of the fun for you.

For most kink events, there is no expectation that you spend a lot of money. In fact, you can likely get something suitable on sale or even put together an outfit from pieces you already own if money is a concern for you.

Do I Have to Show a Lot of Skin?

No!

Well, not usually. Again, there are a small number of events where this is expected as part of the event theme (such as clothed Dom/naked sub events.) As a general rule, though, there is no expectation to get naked or to show off any more of your body than you feel comfortable with.

You probably will see people naked or wearing very skimpy outfits at kink parties. But you’ll also see people in full length dresses or skirts, trousers or suits, or outfits that are sexy but not revealing (e.g. catsuits.)

In short, at the vast majority of kink events you can show as much or as little skin as you like. Some events do have restrictions on genital nudity due to venue licensing, so always check if you are planning a very skimpy outfit.

The Classic Kink Party Outfits: Lingerie, Corsetry, Kilts, LBDs and More

There are some types of outfit you’ll see again and again at kink events and play parties, and which are almost always appropriate. Lingerie (such as bra-and-panties sets, bodysuits, and chemises), corsets, kilts, suits, and little black dresses will usually be absolutely fine.

In some spaces, black jeans and a button-down shirt or the kind of dress you’d wear to go clubbing will also be acceptable.

Latex, Leather and Rubber, Oh My!

Certain fabrics have specifically kinky connotations: latex, leather, rubber, PVC, and so on. If any of these fabrics appeal to you, they can be a great starting point for an outfit.

You don’t need to shell out a lot of money unless you want to. A PVC/leather-look piece of the kind available at many sex shops is a great alternative to more expensive real leather. Lovehoney’s Easy-On Latex items are an affordable alternative to the price-tag of custom latex that I wear regularly. They’re also a great choice for those of us who are too clumsy to want to risk traditional latex (hi!)

You can also invest in a single piece, such as a leather corset or pair of trousers or a latex top, and then build your outfit around that from cheaper items or things you already own. Even an accessory made of one of these fabrics, such as latex suspenders, gauntlets or a pair of gloves, can give a nod to these fetishes without the cost of a full outfit.

Accessorise Your Kink Party Outfit to Impress

I wear a lot of the same outfits again and again to different kink parties. What I like to do, though, is accessorise them differently. A few appropriate accessories can really elevate your outfit and allow you ro express your kinky self.

Think about:

My current kinky accessory obsession? These amazing hand harnesses. I’ve worn them with everything from dungarees to a corset, and I love them. I also like to finish off my party outfit with a perfume that matches my vibe for the night, whether it’s something sweet and flirty or sultry and sensual.

Let’s Talk Shoes

One common misconception is that women or femme-presenting people have to wear heels in kink spaces. This isn’t the case at all. I very rarely incorporate heels into my kink party outfits because, well, they fucking hurt and I have chronic pain in my feet anyway without making it worse.

Of course, you can wear those sky-high heels if you like. But if you’d rather not, you can also opt for low heels or for flat shoes/boots. Just make sure they’re clean, polished, and go with your outfit. If in doubt, you’ll rarely go wrong with a nice pair of plain black shoes or boots in your preferred style.

Statement shoes can also be fun, if that’s your thing. My turquoise glitter flats get a lot of outings with various outfits! You’ll also likely see footwear brands such as New Rocks, Doc Martens, Koi, and their various equivalents in kink spaces.

Hair & Makeup

If you’re the kind of person who likes enhancing your outfits by doing fun things with your hair and/or makeup, a kink party is a great chance to go wild. Why not experiment with a new temporary hair colour (or a wig), a fabulous eye makeup look, a bold lipstick, or even something more outlandish such as glitter or body-paint?

Nails can be a fun place to express your style, too. I often get my nails done before a big event and I usually opt for something ostentatious and over the top (typically with sparkles and lots of colour.) Of course, a striking black or classic red polish are also great options.

If makeup, nail polish and fancy hairstyles aren’t your thing, that’s cool too! Just make sure your hair is washed and your nails are clean, and you’ll be fine.

Wear Your Kink as Part of Your Party Outfit

Collars are perhaps the most common accessory you’ll see people wearing at kink parties. If you have a collar you love (whether it’s associated with a specific relationship or not) then wearing it can help you to get into a kinky headspace. You can add a leash, too, if you like.

You can also do amazing things with rope. If you know how to tie a basic arms-out rope harness, it can be a beautiful addition to give an outfit a kinky twist. Rope gauntlets, rope corsets, and rope dresses are also popular. The possibilities are endless, especially if you invest in some beautiful colourful rope.

Other good options include chastity devices, pet play gear (such as ears, masks or tails), strap-on harnesses, decorative cuffs, nipple clamps, and gags.

Consider Practicality

That latex outfit might look amazing, but if it takes 30 minutes to get in and out of it, is it the best choice for an event where you’re going to want to get naked to play or get in the hot tub? You might love your favourite corset, but is it practical for moving around in as you flog or tie up your partner?

Don’t forget to think about what you might want to do at the party and factor these practicalities into your kink party outfit choice.

Consider the weather, too. If it’s 35°C out, you probably don’t want to wear a full latex catsuit. (Ask me how I know.)

Don’t Overthink Your Kink Party Outfits

This is a lot of information and a lot of things to think about as you plan your kink party outfit. A play party can be a great place to experiment with different modes of presentation and tap into your most authentic self.

The most important thing in deciding what to wear to a play party is that it makes you feel good. You won’t have a good time if you feel like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.

Here are my five golden rules for putting together an amazing kink party outfit:

  • Check the dress code, follow it, and ask the organisers if in doubt
  • Make an effort and get creative
  • Wear something that makes YOU feel amazing, focusing on being authentic and true to yourself
  • Don’t forget the details, from accessories and shoes to hair and makeup – they can lift your entire look!
  • Think about the practicalities.

This is supposed to be fun, so enjoy yourself no matter what you decide to wear.

This post contains affiliate links. All views, as always, are mine.

Header image for Nothosaur sponsored post about ejaculating dildos

How to Use Ejaculating Dildos and Squirting Dildos

Published on by Amy

Do you enjoy the sensation, or the idea, of having someone ejaculate inside you or on your body? Getting aroused by bodily fluids such as semen (cum) is very common. You might think that you need a partner to enjoy this particular kink, but that’s not necessarily true. You can also use ejaculating dildos, AKA squirting dildos.

Ejaculating dildos are designed to squirt a liquid out of the tip in a way that mimics a bio-cock ejaculating. They typically have a bulb, syringe, or similar receptacle inside which you can fill with liquid, and then a tube that connects this to the head of the toy. There will be something you can press or squeeze to have the toy ejaculate when you want it to.

Why Use an Ejaculating or Squirting Dildo?

Ejaculating dildo by Nothosaur

Playing with bodily fluids such as cum can be extremely hot. However, it also carries some risks including STI transmission and unwanted pregnancy if you are a person who can get pregnant. You may not be willing or able to take those risks, or only be willing to take them within a very specific relational context. They also require a partner or partners. If you’re single or not in a relationship where fluid exchange is part of your dynamic, an ejaculating dildo can be an accessible and safe alternative.

In addition, ejaculating dildos allow you to experiment with and indulge various kinks, fetishes, and fantasies. We’ll look at some of those in more detail below.

How to Choose and Set Up an Ejaculating or Squirting Dildo

Nothosaur ejaculating dildos gif

Many ejaculating dildos are still made out of unsafe materials such as jelly, PVC and latex. These materials are porous and often contain toxic additives such as phthalates, which should not be going anywhere near your body. Always look for an ejaculating dildo made from a body-safe material, typically silicone. Consider the size, shape, texturing, and aesthetic preferences that work for you, too.

Good ejaculating dildos are easy to set up, though the specifics will vary product to product. Manufacturers usually provide instructions along with their toys. Typically you’ll need to suck up your chosen liquid into the bulb or syringe and then reattach it to the tube and the toy.

It’s also important to learn how to clean your ejaculating dildo properly. Leaving liquids such as lube inside your toy can breed bacteria and may damage the toy or lead to an infection. Again, follow the manufacturer’s instructions here. In general, silicone can be boil-sterilised for a thorough cleaning. Plastic components can be cleaned with warm water and a gentle antibacterial soap or with a body-safe sterile wipe (I buy these from an online medical supplies store.) Take particular care in creases, crevices and small parts where fluids can build up.

Which Kinds of Lube Are Best?

Nothosaur ejaculating dildos

The most common liquid to use with an ejaculating dildo is lubricant. You have a few different options to choose from here, and it depends what your main goals are in using an ejaculating dildo.

If you want to simulate the feeling of a bio-cock ejaculating as closely as possible, then “cum lube” (which is designed to mimic the look, colour and consistency of cum) is your friend. Remember to pay attention to the ingredients if the lube is going to be going inside you. Avoid ingredients like glycerin, propylene glycol, and parabens. If the lube is just going to stay on the outside of your body, this is less of a concern.

If your toy is silicone, do not use a silicone-based lube as it may damage the toy.

What Kinks and Fetishes Can You Explore with Ejaculating Dildos?

Nothosaur ejaculating dildos

Everyone who is into ejaculating dildos enjoys them in different ways and for different reasons. But if you’re curious, here are a few of the kinks, fetishes and fantasies you can explore or play out using them.

Simultaneous Climax

In reality, both partners reaching orgasm at the same time during penetrative (vaginal or anal) sex is difficult to achieve. I advocate against making it a goal, because chasing it can just stress you out and take the fun out of things.

However, if you want to feel someone ejaculate inside you at the same moment that you climax, you can easily simulate this with an ejaculating dildo. Simply press the bulb or syringe at the right moment.

Threesomes or Group Sex

Threesomes and group sex are incredibly common fantasies, but not everyone can (or wants to) act them out in reality. However, you can simulate some aspects of the experience using toys.

For example, perhaps you’re into the idea of double penetration and having both partners ejaculate inside you at the same time. If so, using an ejaculating dildo along with being penetrated by your partner, and pressing the button on the dildo at the same moment that they climax, can provide a similar physical sensation. And if you’re single or playing solo, there’s nothing to stop you using two ejaculating dildos at the same time (though this might require some impressive physical dexterity but if you can pull it off, have at it!)

Cuckolding or Chastity

Chastity refers to restricting or inhibiting someone’s ability to orgasm, either through instructions or a physical barrier such as a chastity device. Cuckolding refers to getting turned on by your partner having sexual experiences with others, often as part of a submission or humiliation kink.

Ejaculating dildos can be a great addition to these kinks and fantasies without the need to involve third parties. For example, you can make your cuckold partner watch without touching themselves while your dildo ejaculates inside you. Adding dirty talk can make the experience feel even hotter and more authentic.

Bukkake

Bukkake refers to multiple people ejaculating onto the body or face of another person. It’s a surprisingly common fetish! Ejaculating dildos can be a safe and simple way to explore this kink, enjoying the physical sensation of having cum on your body and the fantasy of multiple partners ejaculating over you.

Impregnation

Impregnation kinks are also surprisingly common. This refers to being turned on by the idea of someone getting you pregnant.

The majority of people with this kink do not actually want to become pregnant, and certainly not every time they have sex. Many people play with it by having trusted partners ejaculate inside them without barriers while using birth control. Another easy way to play with this kink without the risk of actual pregnancy is to use an ejaculating dildo.

What Do YOU Like About Using Ejaculating or Squirting Dildos?

With any kink, the most interesting question to me is always “what appeals about this to you?”. So ask yourself why you’re drawn to ejaculating dildos. What is it about them that you like? What fantasy or interest do they hit? Your reasons might not be the same as anyone else’s, and that’s great. Sex and kink are, after all, spaces of infinite variety.

Thanks to Nothosaur for sponsoring this post! Check out their range of squirting and ejaculating dildos, fantasy toys, and much more. All views and writing mine. Images and GIFs kindly provided by Nothosaur.

Custom BDSM collars, custom floggers and more header image

Where Can You Get Custom BDSM Collars, Toys, and Other Handmade Kink Gear?

Published on by Amy

When you first start out in kink and BDSM, you might be thinking about building up a toybag. Perhaps you’ve been exploring for a while and you’re ready to upgrade your basic kit for something a bit fancier. Perhaps you’re in a new relationship or have a special occasion coming up and want to treat yourself or your partner to something special. Custom BDSM collars, outfits, toys, and other handmade kink gear can be amazing, one-of-a-kind additions to your collection.

To be absolutely clear: you don’t need expensive custom BDSM gear to be kinky. We’ve all met those individuals who think that a toybag worth thousands of dollars makes them a truer kinkster but who doesn’t know how to actually use any of that stuff safely. Kink isn’t about the toys you own. You can do amazing things with your bodies, with your imaginations, with pervertables, and with some basic items from a beginners’ bondage kit or your local sex shop.

But if you want to add some artisan pieces or custom BDSM gear to your collection, here are five places you can go to find them.

Find Custom BDSM Artisans at a Fetish Market

I love a fetish market (though my bank balance does not!) Fetish markets or kink markets are in-person events where vendors can come to network, meet customers, and sell their wares.

Some happen at regular intervals, such as the monthly Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar/BBB in the UK and the annual Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. Others are pop-up or one off events. You’ll also find kink and fetish sections in the vendors’ area at some Pride festivals.

The beauty of fetish markets is that you can see and handle items before you buy them. You may even be able to try things—try that collar on, swing those custom floggers against your arm to see how they feel, see how sturdy that bespoke BDSM furniture is—before you commit. And, since most kinky crafters and makers are hugely passionate about what they do, you’ll benefit from their knowledge and advice to help you choose the perfect thing for you.

Shop on Etsy (For Now?)

The Etsy adult content guidelines have made the news over the last couple weeks as the popular crafters’ and makers’ marketplace has clamped down on pornography, sex toys, and other sexual content. At the time of writing, the guidelines explicitly state that kink and BDSM products ARE still permitted:

Etsy allows the sale of non-insertable and non-penetrable adult toys and sexual accessories, as long as they meet our requirements for sale on Etsy. This includes items such as restraints, handcuffs, nipple clamps, body harnesses, sex furniture, and BDSM accessories.

Permitted adult toys and sexual accessories may not be shown in use or worn by human models in listing or review photos. Consider using a mannequin or flat lay photography instead.

Etsy content guidelines as of 11/07/2024

So this is good news for those who buy or sell handmade and custom kink gear. It may change, of course, so keep an eye on it. For now, though, there are thousands of beautiful kinky pieces from custom BDSM collars, cuffs and harnesses to wax play kits, floggers, whips, clamps and much more for sale on Etsy.

A couple of my personal favourites are Kandles by Kitten for the best wax play candles you’ll ever try, and Freebound Studio for all-vegan collars, cuffs and more.

Commission a Custom BDSM Gear Maker Directly

If you find a particular artist or maker you like but they don’t have quite what you’re looking for, ask if you can commission them to make you something unique. Others in your local kink community will probably also have recommendations for their favourite makers. A commission allows you to choose everything from the colours and materials to the sizing.

Again, kinky makers and crafters tend to get into this field because they love it. So if you ask them to help you create something, you’re sure to end up with a unique and beautiful piece you’ll love.

Make Your Own

Not everyone can or wants to get into making their own stuff, of course. This isn’t an easy or quick solution. Many kinky makers have spent years honing their crafts to get as good as they are. But if you’re passionate about making things, have the time, and are willing to drop money on the equipment you’ll need, making your own is one way to guarantee you get something truly bespoke.

Of course, if you already have a crafty talent – such as leatherworking or wood-turning – it should be easy to turn your skills to kinkier projects.

Don’t try to make your own sex toy unless you have an excellent working knowledge of body-safe materials and how to work with them, and test your handmade kink gear thoroughly before you use it on a person.

Check Out the Spicerack, a Marketplace for Adult Artisans and Kinky Crafters

Spicerack is a new platform that is basically Etsy for adults! This sex-positive online marketplace allows makers to sell products from sex toys and custom BDSM gear to lingerie, accessories, art, novelties, sexual wellness products and more. It’s an absolute treasure-trove.

For example, The Kinky Peach sells made-to-order and custom BDSM collars in delightfully whimsical and playful designs. LVX offers custom floggers in a range of handle wood and leather colour options. And I am absolutely lusting over Naughty Pawsies’ colourful shades and quirky pieces.

Whatever custom BDSM gear your kinky heart desires, there’s probably someone on Spicerack selling it… or someone you can commission to make it for you!

Affiliate links appear in this post. All views, as always, are mine.

Header image for a chastity cage guide for buyers featuring a close up of a heart shaped padlock

Chastity Cage Guide for Buyers: Materials, Sizing, and More

Published on by Amy

If you’re looking to buy a chastity cage, whether you’re buying your first device or upgrading from your existing cage to a better one, there are lots of factors you’ll need to take into consideration. Many chastity novices make the mistake of grabbing the first cage they see from Amazon or a generic sex toy store, without really understanding how to choose a chastity device that works for their body, sizing needs, and play preferences. That’s why I’ve partnered with LockTheCock once again to bring you this chastity cage guide for buyers. We’ll cover materials, finding your size, and everything else you need to know to find and buy the best chastity device for you.

Chastity Cage Guide to Materials

Chastity cages are available in a range of materials, the most common of which are metal, silicone, and ABS plastic. There are advantages and disadvantages to each material, and you’ll need to understand a few things about your preferences to make the best choice for you.

All of these materials are non-porous, body-safe, and easy to clean and maintain. Even so, always remember to remove your device regularly to clean it and to give your body a break regardless of which material you choose.

Chastity Cage Materials Guide: Silicone

Those of you who read my sex toy reviews will know that I love silicone as a material. It is soft and relatively flexible, as well as durable, easy to clean, and completely body-safe. Silicone chastity devices offer more “give” than metal or plastic alternatives, and are likely to be comfortable to wear. If you’re doing long-term chastity, a silicone cage may also be kinder and potentially safer for your body.

Silicone chastity devices are ideal for beginners, those doing longer lockups, and anyone who finds a softer cage more comfortable or practical. They are available in lots of colours, but fewer different designs and styles.

Chastity Cage Materials Guide: Plastic

Plastic cages are a good choice if you are looking for something more rigid and restrictive than silicone but cheaper than metal. It is a lighter material than metal, so may be more comfortable for longer-term wear, but can also be less sturdy and ultimately likely won’t last as long.

Plastic chastity cages also offer the most options in terms of colours and styles to choose from.

Chastity Cage Materials Guide: Metal

Stainless steel is the most common material for metal chastity cages, though some are made of other metals or metal alloys so always double check if you have an allergy or sensitivity. Metal chastity cages are completely unyielding and can therefore be more restrictive than other kinds. Many also find the aesthetic of them incredibly sexy.

Metal cages strike a kinky chord with many users, but they can also be more expensive than other materials. Colour options are also more limited.

Chastity Cage Guide: Sizing, Fitting, and Measuring

Like penises, chastity devices come in a wide range of sizes. Before you buy your device, you’ll need to measure yourself to ensure you are getting a cage that fits you and is safe for your body to wear. A device that is too big is unlikely to give you the feeling of restriction you desire (and may slip off), and a device that is too small can be extremely uncomfortable or even dangerous.

LockTheCock has a comprehensive guide to measuring yourself for your chastity cage, so we’ll just look at some highlights in this section. Measure when your penis is flaccid and, ideally, after a hot bath or shower.

Chastity Cage Ring Sizing

A cock cage has two main sections: the ring and the tube.

LockTheCock chastity cage guide measuring infographic
Image: LockTheCock

The ring of a chastity cage sits around the base of your penis and behind your testicles. To measure for your ring size, wrap a cloth tapemeasure all the way around your penis and testicles at the base to get the circumference. Divide this number by pi (3.14). The resulting number is the diameter, and you should buy the ring that is the closest to that number.

For example, a circumference of 16cm/6.2″ will give you a diameter of 5.09cm/2″, so you’d buy your chosen cage in the size with a ring closest to 2″. Some cages come with multiple rings automatically.

Finding Your Tube Size

Next, you’ll need to measure your penis’s length for the tube of the chastity cage. Again, measure when flaccid. This time, a straight ruler is best and this step may be easier with a partner’s help, if possible.

Stand up straight, then place the ruler against the base of your penis at the top, press it firmly against your pubic bone, and lay it across the length of your penis like this:

LockTheCock chastity cage guide to measuring infographic
Image: LockTheCock

To get your chastity cage size, subtract between 0.25″ and 0.5″ from your measurement. For example, if your penis measures 5″ in length when flaccid, you’ll need a cage with a tube between 4.5″ and 4.75″.

Chastity Cage Guide: Other Considerations

Understanding your size and choosing the right material for you are two of the most important steps in choosing a chastity cage. But there are other considerations, too – so in the interests of providing a comprehensive chastity cage guide for buyers, here are a few other things you might want to think about.

How Do You Want to Feel?

Chastity, like many kink activities, is ultimately about the feelings it invokes – both physically and psychologically. So understand how you think you might want to feel during your chastity play.

Do you want to notice your chastity cage every time you move, or set it and forget it until you’re ready to play? Do you want tight restriction or a gentler sensation? In terms of psychological feelings, do you want to feel safe? Owned or possessed? Humiliated? Tormented?

There are no right and wrong answers here. Like all kink, it’s deeply personal and will be unique for everyone. Take time to figure out what feels true for you.

Budget

Chastity cages can range in price from under $20 for a basic device up to hundreds of dollars for a custom piece. Most will fall somewhere in the middle. You’ll likely have an idea of your budget and want to stick to it. In general, silicone and plastic devices are cheaper than metal, and more basic designs are cheaper than those with lots of additional features.

Aesthetics

Yes, looks matter to many people when it comes to toys and devices! Your chastity cage is going to be worn on your body, after all, so be guided by the aesthetics that make you feel good.

Consider the appearance of the material, the colour, and the style you want. Do you want something simple or fancy? Any particular colours you love or hate? Do you prefer a typically masculine-coded aesthetic, or something more neutral or even feminine-coded?

Additional Features

Some chastity cages come with extra features, such as app compatibility (ideal for long-distance relationships) or inbuilt stimulation options such as electrostim or vibrations. Of course, the more features you want, the more expensive your cage will be. Some will find that these additions greatly enhance their play, though. Have a think about what additional features matter to you, if any.

What Does Your Dominant Prefer?

You might be doing chastity play alone, in which case only your preferences matter. On the other hand, perhaps you have a Dominant who is going to act as your keyholder. If so, don’t forget to take their thoughts and preferences into account. Choosing a chastity cage for partnered play should be a collaborative process and being guided by your Dominant can be incredibly hot in itself.

Thanks to LockTheCock for sponsoring this chastity cage guide and also for sponsoring the site! All views and writing are, as always, my own.

A woman wearing a black half-face mask, black bra, and black leather body harness. Text reads: Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE review

[Accessories Review] Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Faux Leather BDSM-Inspired Accessories Review

Published on by Amy

Whether you’re looking to take your kink party look to the next level or just add a little fetish-inspired glamour to your wardrobe, accessories can make your outfit. MAZE is a line of BDSM-themed vegan leather accessories from Bijoux Indiscrets including harnesses, headpieces, cuffs, and more. They sent me a selection of pieces to test and review.

Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE box and interior packaging

MAZE: Ethical Glamour?

Every Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE product is made of PETA-certified vegan polyurethane (PU) faux leather. PU leather is controversial because, though it is not made from animals, it is a type of plastic made from petrochemicals which have a terrible impact on the environment.

However, Bijoux Indiscrets’ MAZE range is made from recycled materials that would otherwise have ended up in landfill. For ethical and environmental reasons, I don’t usually buy new plastic-based faux leather items. But, since this material was already out there in the world and would otherwise have gone to waste, I feel comfortable wearing and recommending the MAZE range.

Ultimately, like real leather, you’ll have to consider your personal values and make your own decisions when it comes to PU leather.

The Look and Feel of Bijoux Faux Leather

Bijoux’s faux leather is soft and supple, looking and feeling remarkably like the real thing. The only thing missing is that unmistakeable leather smell.

Based on my experience with the various MAZE pieces I’ve tried it wears well——softening up just a little over time—and requires minimal maintenance to stay looking good as new. If you need to clean your MAZE accessories, a damp cloth and a little gentle soap is all you need.

Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE O-Ring Collar

The black faux leather Maze collar on my desk.

There are all kinds of elaborate, ornate and fancy BDSM collars available. However, sometimes elegant simplicity is what’s called for. The MAZE O-ring collar is a slender black band with a simple ring at the front, which is both decorative and functional (ideal for attaching a leash, for example!)

The MAZE collar is comfortable and easy to wear. On its first outing, I wore it all evening at a party, and it was so comfy that we were half way through our two hour drive home before I remembered I was still wearing it.

I like the simple fastening mechanism on this collar. Instead of a buckle, you close it by poking a small peg through one of the holes. The Bijoux Indiscrets O-ring collar is adjustable from a minimum circumference of 12.2″ up to a maximum of 16.14″, to fit the vast majority of wearers.

Pair your MAZE collar with a leash and cuffs for kinky play, with a harness for bondage-inspired glamour, or with some nipple pasties for burlesque-style sex appeal.

The MAZE collar retails for $30/£23.

Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Hand Harnesses

Woman's hand wearing Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE hand harness

The Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Hand Harness is a bracelet that’s worn around the wrist with an additional strap extending to a finger loop. They come in a set of two.

I really love these hand harnesses. They’re incredibly sexy in an unexpected way, just vanilla enough to wear in public but just kinky enough to draw a second glance. I like them as an easy way to enhance a simple all-black outfit with a little bondage-inspired twist. As someone who uses my hands a lot in an expressive way when I talk, I love having them accessorised like this. They’re comfy to wear, too, and do not impede my ability to use my hands normally.

If you like, you can also use the Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Hand Harness as a kink tool. Why not clip them together to hold your partner’s hands behind their back, or attach a leash to one of them through the centre ring?

Unfortunately, the MAZE Hand Harness is not particularly size-inclusive. Although the wristband is adjustable from 6.3″ up to 7.87″, the finger loop is not adjustable and is pretty small. I have fairly small hands even for a cis woman, and the finger loop was slightly too snug to be truly comfortable. It did loosen a bit with wear, but it is right on the limit of what I could wear comfortably. Anyone with hands larger than mine—which includes a lot of AFAB people and the vast majority of AMAB people—would not be able to wear it comfortably.

A set of two hand harnesses retails for £31/€35.

Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Leg Garters

Woman's leg in Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Leg Garter

The Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Leg Garters consist of two bands that sit just below the knee and around the ankle. A central strap runs up the back of the calf and connects them. They come in sets of two.

Like the MAZE hand harnesses, I find these sexy in a unique way. The calves and lower legs are not areas we often think to accessorise, which I think is a shame. An accessory that draws the eye to that part of the body adds an unexpected focal point to a look.

The MAZE Leg Garters are versatile, too. They look great with stompy boots and fishnet tights, but equally good with a short skirt and killer heels or even over a pair of skinny jeans. In fact, they’ll draw attention to your legs in just about any outfit and you can style them in tonnes of different and fun ways.

Again, though, size inclusion is a major problem. The band that goes around the knee is adjustable from 11.42″ to 13.78″. The ankle band is adjustable from 6.69″ to 9.84″. I can wear the leg garters on the loosest setting at the top and second loosest at the bottom. But again, a large majority of people with bigger bodies will simply not be able to wear them. Some MAZE products come with extenders, but these do not.

A set of two leg garters retails for £40/€45.

MAZE Cross Cleavage Faux Leather Harness

Bijoux Indiscrets Faux Leather Chest Harness in black

The Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Cross Cleavage Harness sits around the waist with straps over the shoulders and a criss-cross design across the chest. Though it’s described as a “cleavage harness”, it’s totally wearable by people both with and without breasts. This piece is available in black or light brown.

The MAZE Cross Cleavage Harness is adjustable around the waist as well as over the shoulders, so you can get a comfortable fit for your body. The criss-cross section sits close enough to the centre of the chest that it should be comfortable even for people with larger breasts to wear.

Bijoux Indiscrets Faux Leather Chest Harness official product picture featuring a model wearing the harness under a blazer

In terms of sizing, I’m coming back to my consistent complaint about size inclusiveness again. The MAZE Cross Cleavage Harness fits waist sizes from 60cm (23.62″) up to 94cm (37″.) With the black harness only, you’ll get an extra extender that can add up to 25cm (9.84″) extra. I’d love to see these pieces made available in a wider range of sizes. I’d also love to see the brown version come with extenders, too.

The Cross Cleavage Faux Leather Harness is pretty androgynous in its style. This means you can pair it with an array of outfits to create the aesthetic you want—femme, masc, or anywhere in between. It works well with other fetishwear items such as latex, lingerie or corsetry (I think it would look spectacular over an underbust corset) or as a standout piece on its own. Thanks to the detailed design, it also pairs well with simple garments such as a plain t-shirt, dress, or blazer. It’s a real statement accessory that can elevate a basic outfit to a bold and memorable look.

The MAZE Cross Cleavage Harness retails for €60/£54.

MAZE Multiway Faux Leather Body Harness

Bijoux Indiscrets Maze Multiway Faux Leather Body Harness in black

The Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Multiway Harness is a body harness that can be worn in multiple different ways. It has four straps that connect to an O-ring in the centre. Bijoux shows a couple of variations for ways to wear the harness on the product page, but honestly there aren’t really any wrong ways! Wear it however feels good to you. This piece is also available in both black and light brown.

The MAZE Multiway Harness is adjustable and, depending on your body shape and how you wear it, can either hug the contours of your body or hang more loosely.

The neck straps are adjustable from 23cm (9.05″) up to 44cm (17.32″), and the waist is adjustable from 130cm (51″) up to 151cm (59.44″). Considering it wraps around twice, the standard harness will work for anyone with up to around a 30″ waist. If you order the black, you’ll also get two 20cm (7.87″) extenders.

Though I like the inclusion of the extenders, I would really like to see this harness made available in a wider range of sizes. I’d also like to see Bijoux using models with more diverse body sizes. That’s why I’ve included the pictures of me wearing the harness above, so you can see how it looks on a different body type.

Model wearing the Bijoux Indiscrets Multiway Harness
Image: Bijoux Indiscrets
Woman wearing the Bijoux Indiscrets Maze Multiway Faux Leather Body Harness over a grey top

As with the other Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE harness, this is a versatile and fundamentally fairly androgynous piece you can style in many different ways. I’m currently planning an outfit involving this harness over a corset, paired with leather trousers and my Doc Martens.

I love this piece and its versatility. I think I’ll be getting a lot of wear out of it!

The MAZE Multiway Harness retails for €60/£54.

Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me these pieces from the MAZE accessories range to try. All views are, as always, mine. This post contains affiliate links.

UPKO remote control wand vibrator harness combo header image feauring a woman's legs in black high heels

[Toy Review] UPKO Remote Control Wand Vibrator Harness Combo

Published on by Amy

There are a lot of so-called hands-free vibrators on the market, from wearables to knicker vibrators and more. However, far fewer of them are actually hands-free in any meaningful sense. Most of them require at least some manual input to keep them in place. Since the main selling point of these toys is that they enable you to use your hands to do other things while using them, it’s always disappointing when they don’t work as advertised. As such, I am continuously on the hunt for hands-free toys that really are hands-free. UPKO kindly sent me their remote control wand vibrator and thigh harness combo to review.

UPKO Remote Control Wand Vibrator and Vibrator Harness

The UPKO Remote Control Wand Vibrator measures 12″ in length. Both the handle and the head are coated in body-safe silicone. It weighs in at a fairly heavy 380g.

UPKO remote control wand vibrator

The wand is IPX6 waterproof which means it should not be submerged. It is USB rechargeable and you’ll get around 90 minutes runtime from a 2 hour charge. Included is a remote control which works from a range of up to 10 metres.

The other part of the kit Upko sent me to review is a thigh vibrator harness. This is made of nylon and consists of two thick black bands decorated with gold coloured metal hardware and an embroidered UPKO insignia. The harness fastens with velcro straps and is adjustable up to around 22″ in the upper band and 18″ in the lower. Each band features a smaller strap that sits on the inside of the leg and is designed to hold the wand in place against the genitals.

UPKO wand vibrator harness

Bafflingly, the marketing copy for this set includes the phrase “wearing it in public triggers a strong sense of embarrassment.” Which isn’t technically untrue, I’m sure, but… wearing this in public would also trigger a strong sense of getting arrested for public indecency. It’s not a little insertable or knicker vibe, it’s a giant fuckoff wand. There is no universe in which you’re using this in public.

With that said, let’s look at the pros and cons of this set.

UPKO Wand Vibrator & Harness Kit Review: What I Liked

UPKO wand vibrator and vibrator harness combo box

  • It arrived beautifully packaged in a smart and sturdy branded box
  • There are six settings—two constant vibration speeds and four patterns—and dual controls so you can scroll through them in either direction.
  • The motor has a decent amount of power behind it (not the rumbliness I’d prefer, though—see below.)
  • The flexible neck makes it easy to turn and position the head whatever way works best for your body.
  • The vibrator harness holds the wand in place effectively. After a little experimenting with positions and the tightness of the straps, I was able to enjoy this toy truly hands-free.
  • The harness is also pretty comfortable to wear.
  • The texturing on the wand’s head adds to the clitoral stimulation it provides.
  • The hands-free nature of this set presents some intriguing—and kinky—possibilities. Why not combine it with other bondage fun such as cuffs or shibari, or use it for orgasm control or forced orgasm play?
  • The vibrator is fairly quiet even on its top setting, clocking in at under 55db.
  • The buttons are easy to press and satisfyingly clicky.

Anything I Didn’t Like?

  • I like the toys I review to be pretty, and this Upko wand vibrator’s aesthetic is weird and dull. Why is it so grey? I suspect they were going for an elegant and classy vibe but it just doesn’t work for me.
  • The vibrations might be powerful, but they’re also pretty buzzy. I could get an orgasm out of this thing but it required a couple of pauses mid-session because it was starting to numb me out.
  • The harness is not as size-inclusive as it could be. The upper band is adjustable up to around 22″ in circumference but it would be trivial to add longer straps to make it suitable for bigger bodies.
  • The + and – buttons blend in with the surrounding silicone. Making them a different colour, more pronounced, or light-up would make them easier to use particularly in low light.

Upko Wand Vibrator & Harness Review: Verdict

This is not a bad kit for the price. You get a body-safe wand vibrator with a few different settings and a harness for a relatively affordable $129 (at the time of writing, on sale and down to $99.)

Ultimately, the wand itself is only mediocre and I’m unlikely to reach for it again. The harness, though, I do like. I’ll probably be trying it with other wand vibrators in my collection.

Thanks to UPKO for sending me this vibrator and harness kit to review. As always, views and writing are mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.

Header image featuring a red heart padlock and set of keys for a post on extreme chastity

What is Extreme Chastity and How Can You Explore It Safely?

Published on by Amy

Chastity kink is a lot more popular than you might think. Though we most commonly hear about “male chastity” (a bit of a misnomer, since not everyone with a penis is a man), this kink is common amongst kinksters of all genders and can be practiced by people with all genital configurations. But what if you’ve been experimenting with chastity for a while and you’re looking for something a bit more intense? That’s when you might start looking into more extreme chastity play, trying a different cage or device, or adding other kink activities to your chastity.

First, What is Chastity?

In short, chastity is all about restricting someone’s ability to feel sexual pleasure and/or to reach orgasm for the purposes of fun, arousal, and kink. Chastity can be mental (i.e. “I don’t touch myself or orgasm because my Dominant has instructed me not to”,) but it can also involve physical restriction of the cock or vulva/clitoris through the use of a device such as a chastity belt or chastity cage. Some people find using a cage or device can make chastity more extreme and intense.

People enjoy chastity kink for all kinds of reasons. It can make them feel more submissive, it can feed into a humiliation kink, it can be connected to cuckolding, or it can simply lead to a more intense orgasm when release is finally permitted.

So What is Extreme Chastity?

Sex and kink are inherently subjective. This means that your definition of “extreme” will not be the same as someone else’s, and that’s okay! Ultimately, “extreme chastity” is whatever it means to you. There is no competition in kink and you do not have to live up to anyone else’s ideal of the right way to do things or the right level of intensity to strive for.

In general, when we refer to extreme chastity, we are referring to anything that pushes at your edges and challenges you more than what you have been doing so far. Sound interesting? Let’s look at a few ways you might want to explore it.

Experiment with Longer Lock-Ups

Whether you’re doing mental or physical chastity (or a combination of both), one way to up the ante is to go for longer periods of time between orgasms. If you’ve done a day, try a weekend. If a weekend feels easy, try a week. Once a week feels doable, why not extent to two weeks, a month, or even longer?

Long-term chastity isn’t for everyone, and it’s fine if you only enjoy short lock-ups or periods of denial. But if you find yourself craving something more extreme, simply extending your denial or locking your chastity cage for longer is one great way to do that.

If you’re wearing a chastity device, it’s important to be aware of the safety implications of wearing one for long periods of time. Dan Savage did a great article on this subject, with insights from a urologist on the risks and ways to keep yourself safe.

Add a Little Pain

Not all submissives enjoy pain play. If you do, though, adding pain to your chastity play can be a hot way to take things to the next level. This might include activities like impact play to the genitals, electrostimulation (for example, using a violet or neon wand), urethral sounding, or hot wax play.

If you’re going to do any of these activities, it’s important to get proper tuition and learn how to do them safely. Like all BDSM activities, they carry some inherent risk and applying pain to the genitals is riskier than other areas (such as the upper back or butt.) Most importantly, go slowly and stop if anything doesn’t feel right.

Many people find that they can take more pain when they are very horny. So you might find that, the longer you are in chastity, the more your pain tolerance rises.

Try a Different Type of Cage

Some chastity cages are designed to increase the intensity and extremity of your play. They can have features built in such as sounds, spikes, or electrostim capabilities to add additional pain or pleasure. If you’re used to wearing a device, experimenting with a more extreme chastity cage or device can be a good way to try out something a little more intense to see if you enjoy it.

Make Chastity Feel More Extreme By Playing with Ruined Orgasms

When most people think of chastity, they think of a lack of sexual pleasure and orgasm. But ruined orgasms are also very popular amongst chastity kinksters. To give someone a ruined orgasm, you bring them to the point of climax and then stop all stimulation just as they tip over the edge. You can also do it to yourself, of course, though this requires a level of discipline and self-control that not everyone has.

People experience ruined orgasms differently. Some find that they bring some relief from arousal, while others find they make it worse. For some people, they are even painful. To some submissives they are a reward, while to others they are a punishment. The only way to know what’s true for you is to try it out.

Make Chastity More Emotionally Extreme: Consider Cuckolding

Cockolding is a separate kink and not inherently connected to chastity, though the two often go together. In a nutshell, cuckolding is enjoying watching your partner have sex with another person (or hearing about their adventures after they’ve had sex with someone else.) Many people use it in conjunction with chastity to add an element of humiliation, emotional masochism, voyeurism and exhibition, or other related kinks to their play.

This kink is not to be taken lightly and I could easily write an entire piece on how to explore it. It’s a form of consensual non-monogamy, which isn’t for everyone. It can bring up surprisingly intense emotions in reality even if you’re totally into the fantasy. If you do decide to explore it – especically if you’ve been monogamous until now – then go very slowly, communicate at every stage, and be prepared for intense and unexpected feelings to arise.

Thanks to Lock the Cock, purveyors of quality chastity cages, for sponsoring this post on experimenting with extreme chastity safely. All writing and views are, as always, mine!