Tag: kink and BDSM

Young woman wearing a pink BDSM collar and pink leather handcuffs

11 Things a Collar Can Mean (But Doesn’t Have To)

Published on by Amy

What is the meaning of a collar in BDSM? Ask ten BDSM enthusiasts what collaring means to them and you’ll get 20 different answers. Not all kinksters use collars in their play or D/s relationships. Amongst those who do, they can have vastly different meanings depending on context and the people involved.

A simple band around the neck can take on many different significances and be worn in many different ways. As with anything in BDSM, Here are some I thought of, though I am sure there are many more.

A Lifetime Commitment: Collaring as a BDSM Marriage

Some kinksters view their collar as akin to a wedding ring. They may or may not also be legally married to their partner, and they may or may not also wear a traditional wedding ring, but they view their collar as the outward symbol of their lifetime commitment to a BDSM relationship.

Some couples choose to formalise their collaring with a ceremony. This can be performed privately or in front of friends and loved ones.

BDSM Collar Meaning: Permanent Ownership

Some people use “owner/property” dynamics as part of their kinky relationships. In these contexts, the submissive may wear a collar as a symbol that they are the property of their partner. Some couples choose a permanent collar that cannot be removed without a key. If you go down this route, always make sure the wearer has a spare in case of an emergency.

BDSM Collar Meaning: Temporary Ownership

Not all kinksters want to be in a 24/7 or lifetime BDSM relationship, but still want to go deeply into a Dominant or submissive headspace. For these people, a collar can serve as a sign of temporary ownership, whether for the length of a scene, a day, a weekend, or longer. However, when the collar comes off or the context changes, the ownership dynamic also ends or transitions back into an equal partnership.

Self-Collaring: A BDSM Collar Meaning “I Belong to Me”

I have a collar I bought for myself. When I wear it, it’s a reminder that I am owned by no-one but myself. My body, my choices, and my heart are mine. I might choose to give them away to trusted people for short amounts of time, but they always come back to me at the end. Self-collaring can be a reminder to be true to yourself, a way to access your submissive identity when you don’t have a dominant, a reminder to take care of yourself, and so much more.

Keeping a Connection and Closeness Alive with a Collar

Perhaps you’re in a long-distance or non-nesting relationship. Maybe you just want to feel close to your partner and keep your D/s dynamic alive when you’re not physically together. Regardless of your circumstances, wearing a collar can be a great way to do this. Many couples choose a day collar for this purpose, which can symbolise your relationship without raising any eyebrows in public.

Collars of Consideration or Training

Some people who practice formal BDSM relationships follow a series of steps leading up to permanent collaring. During this process, the submissive may wear a “training collar” or “collar of consideration” for a period of time before receiving their permanent collar. As with anything in a BDSM dynamic, negotiate the meaning of each collar clearly with your partner at every step of the process.

Collars as a Way of Getting Into a Headspace

Whatever your kinky headspace looks like, putting a collar on your submissive partner or having one put on you can be a “shortcut” to accessing that headspace. For people who play at events or parties, putting on the collar at the start of the night is often part of the getting-ready ritual.

Collars Signalling “Leave Me Alone, I’m Taken”

This isn’t foolproof, but I’ve found that if I’m attending a kink event unpartnered and I don’t want to be hit on, wearing a collar will significantly cut down on the unwanted attention I receive.

Because BDSM collars can have so many different meanings and not everyone is monogamous, people won’t necessarily assume that your collar means you’re unavailable. But at least some likely will. Think of it as the kinky equivalent of flashing a wedding ring when the creepy guy at the bar isn’t getting the hint.

No Deep Meaning: A Collar as a BDSM Tool

For some people, a collar is part of a scene that’s there for what it can do rather than what it means. This might mean attaching a leash to lead your submissive around a party, cuffing their hands to their collar to immobilise them, or using it to tug them in for a kiss.

Collars as Decorations or Fashion Accessories

Collars look pretty and can add a kinky twist to an outfit quickly and easily. I have one I love that was sent to me for review. It has no meaning attached to it and isn’t connected to any particular relationship. I wear it because I like how it looks.

Flagging Kinky in Public

The idea of flagging originates from the “hanky code”, which was pioneered by gay and bisexual men in the 1970s. Coloured handkerchiefs placed in certain positions are used to indicate interest in various sexual roles and practices. Flagging has come to refer more broadly to using outward symbols to subtly indicate your proclivities to other interested parties.

There are many spaces where, though they’re not kink-specific events, a lot of the participants will likely be kinky. Think adults’ LGBTQ+ community events, goth clubs, geek and sci-fi events, Renaissance Fairs, and so on. In these spaces, the meaning of a BDSM collar can be “hey, we have this thing in common!”. You might even make some new friends.

The Taboo Brighton Logo

This post was sponsored by Taboo Brighton. Taboo launched in 2003 and has established itself as a genre-defining Brighton retail experience. The store was awarded “Best Sex Shop in the UK” at the Erotic Trade Awards. It was also once described in The Guardian as the “Dolce and Gabbana of Sex Shops”. All views and writing are mine.

leg in futomomo shibari tie. Header image for 3 mini reviews of kink products

[Kink Product Review] Beginner BDSM Toys: Leather Cuffs, Hemp Rope, and Silicone Paddle

Published on by Amy

If you’re looking to explore BDSM for the first time, the sheer volume of toys and gear on the market can be overwhelming. From BDSM starter kits to custom, artisan-made toys, shopping for beginner BDSM toys can be a minefield and an expensive one at that. That’s why I’m working with The Pleasure Garden, a women-owned and 100% body-safe online sex shop, to bring you this round-up of three potential options for newcomers to kink: a set of leather cuffs, some hemp rope, and a silicone paddle. You’ll also find some quick tips on how to use them safely.

Let’s delve into the parcel, shall we?

Beginner BDSM Toys #1: Bound Noir Slim Wrist Cuffs

If you’re interested in playing with bondage and restraint, a set of good quality wrist cuffs is a great place to start. This set, made of soft and supple real leather with gold-coloured metal hardware, retail for the bargain price of £34.99.

Bound Noir black leather cuffs from a beginner BDSM toys kit

The Bound Noir Slim Wrist Cuffs come with a removable connecting chain with clips at either end, and each cuff has two D-rings. This offers plenty of opportunities for play, from securing the wearer’s hands behind their back to fastening them to a bondage bed, St. Andrew’s Cross, or other surface. They have 5 notches for an adjustable fit.

These cuffs are soft and comfortable, and the leather gets softer with use as you break them in. I’ve worn them in scene them for well over an hour, and they remained comfortable the whole time. The gold accents give an elegant feel.

Bound Noir black wrist cuffs on anonymous female hands

If you’re vegan or would prefer not to use products made from animal leather, there are many faux leather alternatives available.

Leather Wrist Cuffs Tips & Tricks

When you start playing with restraint, experiment with different positions. Not everything will be comfy for everyone. Clip your partner’s hands together behind their back, hook their arms around the bedpost, or tie their hands to something above their head. If you like attending kink parties or other play spaces, there will be all kinds of furniture to experiment with. Pair with a set of ankle cuffs for more complete restraint or a “spread-eagle” position.

Safety-wise, cuffs should be loose enough that you can slip 1-2 fingers between the cuff and the skin. Experiment with different settings and check in regularly. If the wearer experiences any numbness, tingling, or pins and needles in the hands, take the cuffs off or loosen them. Never leave a bound person alone.

Store your cuffs flat, not fastened, to keep them looking good for longer.

Beginner BDSM Toys #2: Bound to Please Hemp Bondage Rope

Ask any rope bondage practitioner about their favourite type of rope, and you’ll get wildly different but equally passionate answers. We all have our favourites. I’ve always favoured jute for its look, its feel, and the way it handles. Another popular choice is hemp. this hemp bondage rope from Bound To Please.

Hemp rope coiled from a beginner BDSM toys kit

This hemp rope retails for £12.99 for each 10 metre lengths. It is 5mm in diameter, which is my preferred rope thickness for most purposes.

The thing I love about natural fibre ropes, and hemp in particular, is the smell. Hemp rope has a distinct, sweet and woody smell smell. Natural fibres also get softer and smoother with use, as they are handled and absorb the natural oils from your skin.

Rope Tips & Tricks

Close up of part of a futomomo in hemp rope on anonymous leg
A self-tie by me

Beginners often wonder how much rope to buy, and the annoyingly vague answer is “it depends.” Factors like the size of your rope bottom and the types of ties you want to do will have an impact. If all you want to do is tie your partner to the bed for sex, a couple of lengths will be enough. For more complex formal ties, a minimum of 3 lengths will get you started.

Once you start moving beyond very basic ties, the risk involved in rope bondage increases. Suspension looks cool and can be great fun, but it is also very dangerous if not done properly. Take the time to become proficient in floor-based bondage before you even think about suspending or being suspended, and then learn how to do it under the guidance of an experienced rigger.

Make sure you can remove the rope quickly if you need to. EMT shears (the kind paramedics use) are a popular and safe option. Again, never leave a bound person alone.

Peer rope events, in-person or online classes, and instructional videos by reputable teachers are all great ways to learn bondage basics and not-so-basics. Don’t discount self-tying, either, which can be both fun and educational.

Beginner BDSM Toys #3: Bound to Please Silicone Paddle

The most common materials for spanking paddles are leather, faux leather, and hard plastic. I’d never used a silicone paddle before I received this one to try.

The Bound To Please Silicone Paddle measures 41cm long by 6cm wide. It is light and easy to handle, a breeze to clean and sterilise (just throw it in boiling water or use a body-safe medical wipe), and suitable for vegans.

BLack silicone paddle from a beginner BDSM toys kit

I tested this one out with my partner The Artist. To the best of my recollection, my reaction to the first few strikes was a string of profanity. A combination of the density of the silicone, textured surface, and slender design means this fucking thing hurts like hell.

Seriously, I don’t think I can really recommend a silicone paddle as a beginner BDSM toy. It is vicious.

Now to be clear, I love this paddle. But I am an experienced kinkster and have been doing impact play for well over a decade. Unless you have a high pain tolerance and a very clear idea of your body’s capabilities and limits, I cannot recommend this paddle to someone just starting out. You could get hurt or hurt your partner in a bad way if you start out with an impact toy this intense.

So what do I recommend instead? A wide, soft leather paddle or flexible layered paddle is a great beginner BDSM toy for curious impact players.

If you’re feeling brave enough to try this fucker, though, it retails for an affordable £24.99.

Silicone Paddle Tips & Tricks

Black silicone paddle in anoymous hand

Before you pick up a silicone paddle or any other impact toy, learn which areas of the body you can safely strike. Fleshy areas like the butt and backs of the thighs are low risk and enjoyable on most people. Front and inner thighs, breasts and chests, upper backs, and genitals can also be fun if you’re careful. Never strike the face, head, neck, spine, lower back, or any bony area or joint.

If you’re new to impact play, start slowly. Most people can take more impact, and will enjoy it far more, if you build up gradually. Unless you’ve negotiated it very explicitly with an experienced bottom, whacking someone at full force right out of the gate is a recipe for a bad time.

Remember that the goal of an impact play session isn’t to take or dish out as much as you possibly can. The goal is for everyone involved to have a good time.

When you’re negotiating a spanking session, get clear about what kind of scene you want and what impact play means to you. Playing with punishment is hot to some people and emotionally painful for others. Will power dynamics be involved or are you purely in it for the physical sensations? Will you be taking on a role, or playing as yourself?

Other Recommendations For Your First Toy Kit

When you’re just starting out in kink, you don’t necessarily want to spend a fortune on kit – especially before you’ve fully worked out what you like! Exactly what you prioritise spending your money on will, of course, depend on your interests. But here’s a few things I think you should consider for your basic all-purpose kink kit…

Thank you to The Pleasure Garden for sending me these items to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views and writing are mine.

A metal male chastity device for a penis on a black background

5 Great Reasons to Try Chastity Play

Published on by Amy

The chastity fetish is incredibly common. Broadly speaking, chastity is a form of kink play that involves abstaining from orgasm, and sometimes from any form of sexual contact, for a period of time. Some people do chastity play as part of a kinky or D/s relationship. Others engage in online play such as frequenting chastity fetish forums, having cyber-sex, or watching chastity porn. Some hire sex workers to be their keyholders. It’s also possible to do chastity play solo.

Playing with this kink might or might not include the use of a physical chastity device such as a cock cage or chastity belt. Some people play with it just for a few minutes or hours, while others do long-term and extreme chastity. The only right way to engage with chastity fetish is the way that is risk-aware and feels right for you.

So why do people like chastity? Here are five great reasons to give it a go if you’re curious.

Chastity Can Enhance Feelings of Submission or Dominance

Giving someone control over your sexual release is, in some ways, the ultimate surrender. Whether you’re handing over the keys to your chastity device to a partner or simply pledging not to touch yourself until given permission, needing someone’s permission to experience pleasure and orgasm will likely enhance how submissive you feel towards that person.

For many Dominants, having control over someone’s sexual pleasure is a tremendous power rush. Many Dominants enjoy hearing a submissive beg for release, only to deny it.

You Might Experience a Stronger Orgasm

Many chastity fetish enthusiasts say that, after a period of denial, the eventual orgasm is much stronger and more satisfying.

Think of it as a bit like taking that first bite of your favourite meal when you’re starving. Wanting and looking forward to something makes it so much better than you finally get it.

Chastity Play Keeps Your D/s Dynamic Front-of-Mind

We all have busy lives and most of us can’t live our kinky fantasy dream life 24/7. For many chastity fetish participants, it’s a great way to keep their dynamic centred in their life even when they’re doing other things.

Imagine going about your day and feeling your chastity device under your clothes, or even just remembering you’re not allowed to touch yourself no matter how horny you get. This can help you stay connected to your Dominant and your kinky self even when you’re not actively playing.

Chastity Fetish is a Great Activity for Long-Distance Relationships

For long distance BDSM couples, chastity play is one of the easier kinks to do from a distance. For example, some couples implement the rule that the submissive is always in chastity when not with the Dominant. Others like to play teasing, denial, and edging games online or on the phone while apart.

Pleasure Can Act as a Motivator: Better Living Through Your Chastity Fetish

Are you a Dominant trying to train your submissive and instill desirable behaviours or break problematic ones? Chastity can be a great motivator. Perhaps your submissive only gets to touch themselves if they drank their eight glasses of water today. Maybe you’ll only let them orgasm after they’ve got all their writing done. Or perhaps they get an extra day in the belt for every day they forget to eat breakfast.

Of course, solo kinksters can also play use chastity in this way, though you’ll need to be a little more disciplined if you’re enforcing the rules on yourself. I’m a big proponent of using kink as a tool for self-improvement, and release-as-reward is one fun way to play with this.

This post contains affiliate links.

A female bottom with a silicone flogger placed across it. For a review of the Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit from Stockroom

[Kink Product Review] Kinklab Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit

Published on by Amy

Electro play has been an interest of mine ever since I first encountered a restored violet wand at a fetish fair. (Have you seen them? They’re gorgeous. They’re also expensive as hell. Mr C&K and I have a friend who has an amazing electro set-up in their home dungeon which we love playing with when we get the opportunity to visit. But until now, exploring electro-play at home has been difficult for us due to the cost of the gear. Enter the Kinklab Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit.

A word of safety warning: please don’t buy a knock-off neon wand from places like Amazon, Aliexpress or Shein. I made this mistake when I was young and uneducated. We were fortunate that nothing bad happened, but please, please, please buy your electro-sex gear from a reputable kink and BDSM supplier.

What is a Neon Wand?

The neon wand is a modern and cheaper alternative to the violet wand, a turn-of-the-century quack medical device. Now a popular BDSM toy, violet or neon wands discharge electricity across the surface of the skin, creating a sensation that can range from a gentle, warming tickle to a sharp and scratchy pain.

I’m informed that the sensation is somewhat similar to getting tattooed, but having inkless skin (for now) means I can’t testify as to the accuracy of this claim.

A neon wand consists of the main wand handle and various attachments (sometimes called electrodes) which are made of glass or conductive silicone. When you plug an electrode into the wand and then touch it to the body, it transmits electricity across the skin. When switched on, the inside of the clear glass electrodes glows a bright colour, most commonly red or purple. This video is a good visual if you want to see and hear the Kinklab Neon Wand in action.

There are lots of reasons why people might enjoy electro play (sometimes also called e-stim, electro-stim or electro-sex.) Some find the sensation pleasant, relaxing, or even meditative. Others are masochists and get off on pain. For some people, these devices play into a medical kink, while for others it’s about conquering a fear or seeing how much they can take. As with most kinks, the motivations are as varied as the people who partake.

Kinklab Neon Wand: Obsidian Intensity Kit

The Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit is a bundle that consists of the neon wand and two attachments: the Electro-Whip and the Flex Capacitor, both made from conductive silicone.

KinkLab Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit with wand and two attachments
Image: KinkLab

Be aware that this kit does not come with any glass attachments, so if you want those you’ll need to buy them separately. Stockroom sells quite a few by KinkLab that are compatible with this set.

The neon wand has an 8 foot power cable. A word of warning for my non-US readers: it is a US plug, so you’ll need an appropriate step-down converter to use it safely in your country. Thankfully, I already have one for purposes of using my Magic Wand.

KinkLab Neon Wand Kit Review: In Use

The Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit’s user interface couldn’t be simpler. There’s a single dial control to control the power and intensity. There are comprehensive instructions so even BDSM beginners can get set up and start playing with the kit in minutes.

I experience electro-play on a spectrum that ranges from tickle to sting. At the lower ends, the Neon Wand Intensity Kit reminds me somewhat of the sensation of having a Wartenberg wheel drawn across my skin. On the higher settings, it’s a sharp and stingy pain. If you hate stingy sensations, neon wand play is unlikely to be for you.

Electrode 1: Electro-Whip

KinkLab Neon Wand kit electro whip
Image: Kinklab

The Electro-Whip is actually a small flogger, with ten falls made of conductive silicone. This is not a toy for hard impact. Despite the name and design, this “whip” is more designed for dragging across the body, leaving a trail of sparks wherever it goes. You can strike with it gently, but again, think “stroke” rather than “strike.”

It’s a stingy fucker! The high number of contact points on the body all at once and their small surface area means this one delivers a lot of bite.

Electrode 2: Flex Capacitor

KinkLab Neon Wand kit flex capacitor electrode
Image: Kinklab

The Flex Capacitor is described as the most intense of all neon wand electrodes, and it’s an apt description.

The two-pronged tip sends a powerful shock to wherever it touches. The Flex is best for short, sharp bursts of pain. I couldn’t stand this one on any but the lowest settings, it’s that intense.

Using Your Kinklab Neon Wand Kit Safely

As with all BDSM activities, there are some risks inherent in electro-play. Knowledge is your first and greatest line of defense. This is not an exhaustive list and I am not a doctor, so please do your own research before you start playing, but as a starting point here are some of the key safety points you need to be aware of:

  • Again, please buy a genuine device from a reputable supplier.
  • Check your cords before play. If any of them are frayed or look damaged, do not use the device.
  • Store your device in a cool, dry place. Don’t get it wet or use it in a damp environment such as the bathroom. Make sure your skin is completely dry before you begin playing. Come on folks, we all learned in primary school that water and electricity don’t mix, didn’t we?
  • Check the voltage/ampage and make sure you are using an appropriate converter for your country’s outlets, if relevant.
  • Do not leave your device plugged in when you’re not using it.
  • Read the instruction manual and follow it.
  • Do not do electro play if you have a pacemaker. Always check before playing with a new partner. Do not assume your partner knows that pacemakers and electro-play are a bad combination.
  • Do not do electro-play if you have any kind of inbuilt/non-removable medical device in your body (such as, for example, an insulin pump). The electricity can damage your device, putting you at risk.
  • Do not do electro-play if you have a heart defect.
  • Do not do electro-play if you experience seizures.
  • Do not do electro-play if you are pregnant.
  • Remove any metal jewellery or accessories before you start.
  • Do not hold the device on one spot on the body for more than a second or two. Keep it moving. This will greatly reduce the risk of burns or skin damage.
  • If you experience intense pain or any sensation that worries you, stop immediately.
  • Do not use the device on the face or head, especially near the eyes or mouth.
  • Start out at a low setting, build up slowly, and listen to your body.

Kinklab Neon Wand Intensity Kit Review: Verdict

I love this kit. Though it’s easy to use, I think this kit is probably best enjoyed by more advanced players or those who know they enjoy more intense electro-play sensations. If you’re a complete beginner, I’d recommend starting out with a basic kit with glass electrodes.

The Obsidian Neon Wand Intensity Kit retails for $187.99 and is available from Stockroom, Good Vibes and Babeland.

Thank you to Stockroom for sending us this product to review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are my own.

Header image for a review of the Lovehoney Take Control bondage kit

[Kink Product Review] Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit

Published on by Amy

Sex toy kits are a fantastic idea in theory, but usually significantly less amazing in practice. Too often, they’re little more than a collection of cheap and poor-quality products shoved together in a pretty box and sold for a premium price. I’ll nearly always tell my readers to forego a kit and spend a bit more on just one or two quality items. However, I try to keep an open mind, which is why I agreed to review the Take Control Bondage Kit for beginners from Lovehoney.

Take Control: A Beginners’ Bondage Kit by Lovehoney

It’s been a very long time since I was new to BDSM. I’ve been doing kinky shit for well over a decade and have accrued a sizeable collection of toys, from basic staples to custom collars, premium impact toys, and more. So a beginner kit is not something I would ever buy for myself.

Therefore, I am trying to step back in time ten years or so in my mind, and view this BDSM starter kit through the eyes of someone who is just starting out, collecting their first beginner BDSM toys, or maybe wondering if they’re even kinky.

Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit: First Impressions

The Take Control Bondage Kit comes in one simple box, with all the products clearly displayed on the front so you know exactly what to expect. The packaging is brightly coloured and fun, reducing the intimidation factor for nervous new kinksters.

"Take Control" Lovehoney bondage kit
"Take Control" Lovehoney bondage kit in its box

There’s a LOT of information on the box, too. I appreciate that Lovehoney has provided a brief description on how to use each item as well as some basic information on safety and consent. The box reminds players to use safewords, never leave a bound person alone, and have a non-verbal safe signal if someone is gagged. It’s pretty 101-level stuff, but that’s also what a complete newcomer to kink is likely to need. Top marks for that.

I wasn’t delighted with the way the box was packed. Everything was just sort of piled in, each item wrapped in a cellophane wrapper. It’s a lot of unnecessary single-use plastic.

There is no real leather in this kit, making it vegan-friendly.

What’s in the Lovehoney Take Control Bondage Kit?

With that said, I think this is overall a decent beginners’ bondage kit. Many BDSM starter kits and sex toy kits generally are filled with things that aren’t even safe, let alone of good quality.

Let’s take a look at what’s inside, shall we? Just for fun, I’ve included a fun tip or an idea to try with each item in the Take Control kit. As always, pick the ones that resonate for you, leave the rest, and add your own ideas as you explore.

1: Blindfold

This blindfold is super comfy. It’s also thick and padded, meaning I couldn’t see a thing when it was on. The band is stretchy, too, so it should fit most people comfortably.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Blindfold your partner and stroke different items across their body – a silk scarf, a piece of velvet, the tails of your flogger – and have them guess what each item is.

2. Nipple suckers

I really liked these little suckers! They’re a great gentle introduction to nipple play, and perfect if you want some sensation but without the pain of nipple clamps or clothes pegs. They work for all chest sizes, from flat chests to large breasts, and most nipple sizes. If you flick or hit them too hard, they will fly off, but they can withstand some gentle manipulation.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Tell your partner to fetch you something from another room with these on. They’ll have to move carefully, though – they’ll be spanked if one falls off!

3. Ball gag

Full disclosure: I hate ball gags. I fucking hate them. They make my jaw hurt, they make me drool, and I can’t kiss my partner when I’m wearing one. They’re basically a soft limit at this point. With that said, this is a fine ball-gag if you do like them. The holes make it breathable, and silicone is a non-porous and hygienic material. I also like how adjustable this gag is. With 9 buckle holes, it will fit most people comfortably.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Make your submissive try to repeat words back to you while gagged.

4. Flogger

This is a stingy little fucker! Don’t let the small size fool you, this flogger can pack a wallop. The falls are made of thin rubber, which delivers a vicious sting when you put some force behind it. If pain isn’t your thing, you can drag it sensually across the skin for a gentle tickle. I would have liked the handle to have a bit more width and weight to it.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Try gently flogging the vulva or penis if your partner is up for it. Remember to clean your flogger thoroughly afterwards to remove any bodily fluids.

5. Wrist and ankle cuffs

These were the weakest part of the Take Control kit by far, for me. They’re quite thin and made of nylon, with no padding, which means they chafe if you put any pressure on them. They’re fine for exploring the feeling of being restrained, but if you want to pull against them at all I recommend getting some quality BDSM cuffs.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Restrain your partner then make them watch you masturbate in front of them.

6. Under-bed restraints

These are great, except for the tiny detail that they don’t fit my bed! We have a Super King bed and these restraints fit up to King Size. So they’ll be fine for the vast majority of people, but if you have a ridiculously giant bed like us, they may not fit.

These restraints are strong, durable, and easy to both set up and tuck out of sight when you’re done, if you want to. The little clips mean you can easily add any set of cuffs to them.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: when your partner is restrained, run a cube of ice along their body or drip low-temperature candle wax onto their skin.

7. Silicone suction cup dildo

Wow, a body-safe dildo in a BDSM kit! This shouldn’t be a pleasant surprise, and yet it is. This dildo measures 6″ in length and has a diameter of 1.5″. The slight curve is ideal for targeting the G-spot or prostate, and the silicone is super soft and silky. The suction cup and hollow space for a bullet vibrator are great additions.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Tease your lover’s entrance with the dildo until they beg to have it inside them.

8. Strap-on harness

This is the same harness that Lovehoney sells as part of their basic strap-on sex/pegging kit a few years ago. It’s comfortable and the rings are interchangeable so you can use it with any dildo with a flared base. However, it’s a pretty basic harness and you’ll want to upgrade to a higher-quality harness if you find you enjoy strap-on play.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: If you have a vulva, insert a wearable vibrator before you put on your harness. This will stimulate you while you penetrate your partner.

9. Wired bullet vibrator

I was fully expecting this bullet vibrator to be awful. While it’s far from the strongest bullet vibrator in the world and it is a little buzzy, it’s not a bad basic bullet for the size and price. It has several patterns as well as steady vibration speeds.

I don’t love that it’s wired rather than cordless, but the wire is long enough for one partner to control the remote while the other holds the vibrator against their genitals. The bullet takes 2x AAA batteries, which are not included.

Beginners’ bondage kit play idea: Switch it off just when your lover is on the edge of orgasm and make them beg for release.

Lovehoney Take Control Beginners’ Bondage Kit: Verdict

On the whole, the Take Control Bondage Kit is a very solid basic beginners’ set for the price. If you’re brand new to exploring your kinks, you get a lot of bang for your buck here.

The Take Control kit retails for £79.99 UK/$99.99 US.

Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me this kit in exchange for an honest review. If you choose to purchase this or anything else from Lovehoney, please buy through my affiliate links – it supports the blog at no extra cost to you!

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[Toy Review] Avant Pride P4 Power Play Silicone Butt Plug

Published on by Amy

Pride month may now be over, but Blush Novelties’ Avant Pride line lives on. Of course, there is never a bad time of year to plaster your favourite pride flag all over everything, including your sex toys. Today we’re looking at the P4, a large silicone butt plug inspired by the leather pride flag. Blush’s other pride-themed sex toys include the bisexual flag, lesbian flag, and LGBTQIA+ flag, amongst others.

The leather pride flag, designed in 1989, was originally primarily used by the gay leather community. In recent years, however, it has come to represent leather culture and the general BDSM community more widely. The flag features horizontal lines of black, blue and white, and a small red heart in the upper left. The Avant Power Play plug’s colour scheme is based upon this flag.

Power Play P4 Large Silicone Butt Plug

The Avant Pride Power Play is a silicone butt plug on the large side, measuring 4.75″ in total length, 4.25″ in insertable length, and 1.5″ in diameter at the widest point. For that reason, I wouldn’t recommend this as a plug for anal play beginners. If you’re just exploring for the first time, I suggest checking out my recommendations for the best slimline anal toys.

Instead of the more traditional round butt plug base, the Power Play plug has a wide T-bar base. It also has a short and wide neck, which is only slightly narrower than the base of the plug.

Avant Pride P4, a large silicone butt plug in black, blue, white and red stripes
Image: Blush Novelties

Design-wise, the Avant Pride P4 is striking but doesn’t particularly call to me. I tend to prefer my toys more on the femme and sparkly side!

Avant Pride P4: In Use

Size-wise. this toy is just on the right side of challenging for me. I can insert it, but it takes time and a lot of warm-up.

The best thing about the P4 butt plug, for me, is the feel of the silicone. It is soft, squishy and malleable, which both feels good and makes insertion more comfortable. If rigid plugs are uncomfortable or turn you off, an ultra-soft silicone plug is a great choice.

I also really like the shape of the base. If you position it so that the T-bar base sits parallel with your butt crack, you shouldn’t experience any of the chafing that can happen with round-base butt plugs during long-term wear.

Unfortunately, there was one big issue with the P4 silicone butt plug that I couldn’t seem to solve: it won’t stay in! I tried different body positions, different types and amounts of lube, and different ways of positioning the toy once it was inserted. No matter what I tried, it slipped out the moment I stopped holding onto it.

I suspect this problem is due to the shape of the neck. Butt plugs are normally anchored in place by the anal sphincter muscles, which clench around the main body of the toy and then relax around the narrower neck. Unfortunately, the P4’s neck is too short and too wide for this to work, at least for my body.

Avant Pride P4 Leather Pride Butt Plug: Verdict

A mixed bag, this one. While I love the base design and the softness of the silicone, the fact that it wouldn’t stay in makes the P4 more miss than hit. It’s fine if you’re looking for a handheld toy, but if you want an “insert and leave” butt plug, this isn’t the one.

The Avant Pride P4 retails for $49.99 and is available from Good Vibes and Babeland.

I received the P4 large silicone butt plug in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links appear in this post. All views are mine.

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5 Reasons Why I Read Erotica (and You Should Too!)

Published on by Amy3 Comments

When I first started this blog, it was not cool to admit to reading erotic stories and enjoying them. Historically, erotica got a bad rap. Anything connected to sex tended to be – and occasionally still is – treated as dirty or shameful. Even now, as a pastime that is disproportionately enjoyed by women, reading so-called “spicy” books and writing erotic stories is often seen as something silly and frivolous.

At the time of editing, it’s been 14 years since Fifty Shades of Grey made E.L James a household name, but people were still trying to convinve each other they read this inexplicably-bestselling drivel for the gripping plot well into the 2020s. This post, in its original form, was a kind of defence of erotica. Over the last few years, though, the rise of phenomena like “romantasy” and #BookTok have made erotica well and truly mainstream.

Despite the Fifty Shades effect and still-pervasive stereotypes, not all erotica is abusive billionaires masquerading as Doms. Not all erotica is bad fanfiction. In fact, there are some truly wonderful smutty stories out there and I firmly believe that reading erotic fiction can be good for you. Masturbation is healthy, pleasure matters, and I am thrilled that erotica is having a mainstream moment. Here’s why.

Reading Erotic Stories is a Safer Way to Explore Fantasies and Limits

Reading about something is generally infinitely safer than doing it.

If you have a kink, fantasy, or sexual interest you can’t or don’t want to explore in reality, reading erotic stories about it can be great way to scratch that itch. You can’t get hurt by reading about something. No-one else’s consent is required. And no, it’s not cheating.

Reading about various kinds of sex is also a good way to discover your kinks, understand more about your internal erotic landscape, and explore in a low-pressure setting if you’re not sure whether something will work for you or not.

And in case you’re wondering: yes, it’s fine (and normal) to get turned on by something in fiction that you wouldn’t want to actually do in real life.

Fiction Can Introduce You to New Erotic Ideas, Archetypes, and Roles

I was reading erotic fiction with dominance and submission themes long before I was practicing BDSM in real life. Erotica helped me to discover the types of scenarios that interested me, the names and words that turn me on… and also the things that completely leave me cold. Reading and enjoying sapphic erotica was also a huge part of coming to accept my own queerness.

Erotica can introduce you to kinks you never knew existed, make you feel less alone in your sexual interests, or even help to open up lines of communication about kinks, fantasies and erotic ideas with your partner (more about that in a minute.)

For women, queer folks, trans people, kinksters, and anyone else whose identity is marginalised, spicy books or erotic stories online may be the first place we ever see sexuality like ours represented.

It Can Turn You On and Get You Off (Obviously)

This is perhaps the most obvious reason to read erotic stories, but it’s also still surprisingly taboo to say. Enjoying sexual arousal and pleasure for its own sake is a good thing.

For people with responsive sexual desire, erotic stimulus (such as making out or talking dirty with a partner or consuming erotic content) can not only heighten desire, but may be necessary to creating it in the first place. Whether you’re looking to turn yourself on for a lengthy solo or partnered sex session or have a quick orgasm before you go to sleep, erotica can help get you there.

Reading or Sharing Erotic Stories Can Improve Sexual Communication

Sharing the erotica you enjoy can be a great way to share what turns you on with your partner. Perhaps saying out loud that you want to be submissive in the bedroom feels scary, but pointing them to a story with those themes feels like an easier way into the negotiation.

Reading erotica together, or even reading it aloud to each other, can also be an incredibly hot time.

And, Yes, the Plots Can Be Good!

I don’t (usually) read smut for the story. But there are definitely erotic stories and novels out there that have compelling plots, engaging characters, and other things to recommend them besides the steamy scenes.

Where Can You Find Good Erotica?

Spicy books are often associated with, and primarily marketed to, cis women. However, erotica is for everyone. Regardless of your gender, orientation, and particular interests or kinks, there’s bound to be something in the wide world of smutty stories that appeals to you. And if no-one has written the story you want to read? Well, why not give it a go?

Erotica is tremendously personal and we all like different things. I’m not going to recommend personal favourites as they may not do anything for you.

Check out the erotica or romance section at your local bookshop. Check out #Bookstagram or #Booktok for recommendations. Follow readers’ groups on Facebook or Reddit, or check out the “Spicy” category on Goodreads.

If you want to read free erotic stories online, Literotica is probably the largest repository. Thousands of amateur writers have uploaded more than half a million stories for you to enjoy. There’s a lot of crap, of course, but some gems too. You can search by category, keyword, or tags. If you like your erotica with a side of visuals, why not check out some adult graphic novels?

If you have a Kindle, there are thousands of erotic novels, novellas, and stories ranging from free to a few dollars each. The Kindle Unlimited subscription allows you to rent some of them for free. Prefer to listen rather than read? Check out audio erotica.

Finally, of course, read your favourite sex bloggers, many of whom publish smutty true or fictional stories.

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What is Subdrop and What Can You Do About It? 25 Subdrop Aftercare Ideas

Published on by Amy8 Comments

Subspace is a kind of high, fueled by adrenaline and endorphins and all the other happy-fuzzy brain chemicals that come out when you do BDSM play. But what goes up, as they say, must come down. That’s where subdrop comes in. But what is subdrop exactly, what causes it, and what can you do about it? Let’s learn about subdrop and some subdrop aftercare ideas to help you get through it.

What is Subdrop?

Subdrop is what can happen when all those lovely chemicals wear off and reality sets back in. For some, it can hit as soon as the subspace high has ended, while for others it can hit a day or even several days later. Everyone is different. I most often drop somewhere between 12 and 24 hours after an intense play session, though it has been known to be quicker.

Not everyone who engages in BDSM gets subdrop at all. Some do, some don’t, and either way is fine.

How Does It Feel?

Subdrop looks different for everyone, and it can be physical, mental, or both. You might feel sad, low, or depressed. You might cry a lot. Some people report feeling exhausted, listless, or low on energy. You might be ravenously hungry or completely lose your appetite. For some, the symptoms are akin to having a bad cold or virus! When you’re in the middle of it, subdrop can be overwhelming and horrible. If you’re new to BDSM, it can be confusing and distressing if you experience it unexpectedly.

By the way: if you’re a Dominant or Top and any of this sounds like your experience, you might be experiencing the equivalent: Dom drop or Topdrop. Much of the same advice applies to you.

25 Subdrop Aftercare Remedies

Subdrop, like everything in BDSM, is personal. This is a list of subdrop aftercare suggestions, not a prescription. Not everything on this list will work for everyone, and that’s okay. Pick out just one or two that appeal to you, and try them out.

  1. Cuddle someone/something! Your partner, a friend, a stuffed toy, your pet.
  2. Make your favourite hot drink and sip it slowly, noticing how it tastes and letting the cup warm your hands.
  3. Eat some chocolate or whatever your favourite sweet treat is. Not enough to make you feel sick, just enough to give you those feel-good chemicals. What is subdrop, after all, but a reduction in happy brain chemicals?
  4. Cook (or order in) a simple, healthy meal and enjoy eating it slowly. Something with protein and vegetables is ideal, but getting food into your body is the most important thing so if all you can manage is toast, go for it.
  5. Watch your favourite film or an episode of your favourite comfort show. Something lighthearted is best when you’re experiencing subdrop. Unless gory horror movies are comforting to you, I guess, in which case you do you!
  6. Write in your journal.
  7. Post to your blog or Fetlife page, if you have one.
  8. Share how you’re feeling with a kinky friend or kink-positive friend. Sympathy and virtual cuddles from people who get it can be cathartic.
  9. Listen to a comedy podcast or watch some stand-up and laugh until your stomach hurts.
  10. Curl up under a cozy duvet with a good book or a magazine.
  11. Meditate. There are thousands of free guided meditations on Youtube.
  12. Masturbate or have sex. Having an orgasm can perk you up no end. Again, subdrop is what happens when you experience the low after the high. There’s no shame in topping those endorphins up a bit.
  13. Go for a walk. Preferably somewhere with flowers and trees, but to the shop at the end of the street and back will work in a pinch.
  14. Sit in your garden, if you have one, or a nearby park. Fresh air is important.
  15. Buy yourself something, if you can comfortably afford to. This could be as elaborate as that high-end vibrator you’ve been lusting after for months, or as simple as a fancy coffee.
  16. Tidy up your room or work space. I always feel better and more clear-headed when my safe spaces are neat and tidy.
  17. Take a bath or shower. Spend as long as you like luxuriating in the hot water. Use your most decadent scented shower gel or that fancy bath bomb you’ve been saving.
  18. Play loud, upbeat music. Optional extras: sing along loudly, dance around your room for the length of a song or two. When I’m in subdrop, there’s nothing like my “queer bangers” playlist to help me feel like me again.
  19. Call someone you miss. Your mum. A grandparent. Your best friend in another city. Just pick up the phone, say hi and catch up.
  20. Create something. Whatever your creative talent is, use it. Play your instrument, bake a cake, write a page of your novel, knit a few rows of your latest project.
  21. Take a nap. Even an hour of rest will help recharge you a little.
  22. Exercise. Hit the gym, go for a run, or do some yoga. Moving your body releases tension and clears your mind.
  23. Get your hair cut or your nails done. No drastic changes right now! But a bit of pampering can really raise your mood and make you feel good about yourself.
  24. Just sit with the feeling. This is a mindfulness technique. Sit, feel, and think: I am feeling rotten right now because I am subdropping, but I know this feeling will soon pass and I will be okay.
  25. Do something for someone else. Whether it’s a chore that’s normally your partner’s but they’re super busy today, or getting shopping for an elderly neighbour, caring for others takes you out of your own head.

I hope you find some of these subdrop aftercare ideas helpful. Subdrop is a normal part of kink and BDSM for many people, and it can be hard. But understanding what subdrop is and why it happens, and knowing some basic aftercare techniques for dealing, with it can make all the difference.

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So You’ve Been Told You Have Sub-Frenzy?

Published on by Amy1 Comment

Hey there, new kinkster! I’m going to write this piece to you as I wish someone had written it to me, when I was new to BDSM and kink a decade or so ago. I want to tell you the things I wish I’d known about the phenomenon known as “sub frenzy.”

You might have found this post because someone accused you of having sub-frenzy. Or perhaps you’ve been cautioned by your new kinky friends that this “frenzy” thing is something to beware of and avoid? Whatever brought you here,

What is Sub Frenzy?

In short, sub frenzy is where new submissives (or experienced submissives in new relationships) experience an overwhelmingly intense desire to do all the kinky things right now. They might rush out to find a Dom, pursue unsuitable relationships, or look for kinky experiences even at the cost of their safety, wellbeing, or the health of their relationships.

Sub frenzy can happen for a few reasons. First, it’s natural to discover that you’re kinky and want to explore it immediately. It kinda reminds me of realising, in my late teens, that I liked girls and feeling desperate to find a woman to hook up with right now. In addition, kinky activities (including online connections and solo activities such as fantasising, masturbating, and watching kinky porn) release powerful brain chemicals such as endorphins and dopamine. These substances can lead to an altered state known as “subspace”, which can feel euphoric. Once you’ve had a taste of them, it’s normal to want more and more.

Sub frenzy can manifest in a huge variety of ways, and we’ll look at some examples in the next section. But in a nutshell, it’s a desperation to submit that is so intense that common sense and self-preservation fly out of the window.

How Will I Know if I’m in Sub Frenzy?

Are you a new submissive, or a submissive in a new relationship (particularly after a period of little or no play?) If any of the following feel familiar to you, you might be experiencing sub frenzy.

  • You’re so desperate to submit that you’d probably kneel for a brick wall if it would just smack your ass and call you a naughty boy
  • You’ve played with (or you’re tempted to play with) Dominants you barely know just to get the submissive itch scratched
  • You’re tempted to just submit to the next random douchbag who sends you an unsolicited dick pic on Fetlife
  • You’ve cheated, or are tempted to cheat, on your partner to get your kinky needs met
  • You’re ignoring BDSM red flags in a Dominant or prospective Dominant because you’re so desperate to play
  • You’ve dived into (or are considering diving into) a 24/7 Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship without taking the time to gain experience or learn more about BDSM first
  • You downplay your limits, claim not to have limits, or go further than you feel comfortable with because you think it’ll make you more attractive to Dominants
  • You’re pressuring your partner to engage in kink when they don’t want to, or to go further or faster than they feel comfortable with
  • Your kinky activities or desires are getting in the way of your health, safety, mental wellbeing, job, friendships, hobbies, or relationships in a significant way
  • You feel like you’ll LOSE YOUR MIND if you can’t submit to someone right now

If you said yes to any of the above, or recognise elements of them in yourself, you might be in sub frenzy.

What is This “Sub Frenzy” Crap? Don’t Good Submissives Want to Submit All the Time?

Short answer: no.

Well, sure, some submissives probably have the desire to submit all the time. But experienced submissives also know that there’s a time and a place, that sometimes real life must come first, and that they should never compromise their wellbeing for kink.

Good submissives are not doormats. They’re thoughtful, discerning, and willing to stand up for themselves, their needs, and their boundaries when necessary. Being so desperate to submit that you make poor decisions is not only really dangerous, it’s also only likely to attract the worst kind of Dominants.

If you’re looking for a long-term D/s relationship, a good Dominant will want to take time to get to know you and build a relationship with you. Even if you’re only after casual play, desperation isn’t sexy. It might feel maddening to pause and calm down a bit, but it’ll pay off in the long run.

Okay, I’ve Realised I Might Be a Bit Frenzied. What Now?

Stop. Pause. Breathe.

Okay, good. Now, I’m going to ask you to do something that will seem really, really antithetical to what every fibre of your being is screaming to do.

Wait.

Seriously. Just stop, catch your breath, and wait. The best way to let sub frenzy pass is to acknowledge it and consciously decide not to give in to it. Give yourself a time-limit, if you want. “I am not going to play with anyone knew until I have been going to munches for at least three months” works well, or “I am not going to let my next partner collar me until we have known each other for at least a year.”

You know yourself best, so think about what kind of timescale is likely to be realistic. Very broadly, in my entirely anecdotal and observational experience, frenzy will probably take longer than a month but less than a year to pass.

Sub frenzy is normal and it passes. But in order to keep yourself safe and healthy as you explore, you need to practice discipline and patience.

How Can I Scratch the Itch to Submit in a Safe Way?

Join your local community. If you do nothing else right now, get yourself to a BDSM munch (a social gathering of kinky people held in a location like a pub, bar or restaurant.) Meet some people, get to know them, get a sense of who the safe players with good reputations are.

As and when you do meet someone you’d like to play with, learn how to vet a Dom effectively. Sub frenzy can make it tempting to skip the vetting phase, but please don’t. You might also consider playing in an open environment like a kink party to begin with.

Watch some good BDSM porn. Find some tutorial videos and online or even real-world classes. Read erotica (Fifty Shades of Grey and those godawful Gor novels do not count) and write your own, if you want. Fantasise. Masturbate furiously. Read everything you can about the lifestyle and learn, learn, learn.

And most importantly? Slow the fuck down. The scene and all the sexy Dominants will still be there, I promise.

How Will I Know When My Sub Frenzy Has Passed?

This is where knowing yourself well comes in.

When your sub frenzy has passed, your desire to submit will still be there but it will likely be less visceral and immediate. You’ll be able to think through situations with a clear head and make decisions with your own best interests at heart. You won’t want to fall to the feet of every vaguely Domly person you meet. You’ll know some of the red flags of a dangerous Dominant to look out for, as well as the signs of a good one.

Good luck. This too shall pass.

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6 Benefits of Going to a Kink Munch (Apart from Finding Partners)

Published on by Amy1 Comment

If you ask experienced kinksters for their advice on exploring the BDSM world for the first time, they’ll most likely advise you to find a kink munch to attend.

What is a BDSM Munch and What Happens There?

A BDSM or kink munch is a social gathering of kinksters, usually in a setting like a pub, bar, or restaurant. Munches are usually no-play spaces where people wear everyday clothing and get to know one another in a purely social setting.

Some munches have activities, such as icebreakers or getting-to-know-you games. Others are totally informal, just like going to the pub with a group of friends. Some are for particular demographics – such as submissives, under 35s, women and other marginalised genders, or queer folks – while others are open to everyone.

Almost all major cities have at least one munch, and many have several. I live in a medium-sized city and there are at least ten munches a month that I know of.

6 Benefits of Going to a Kink Munch

When they’re new to BDSM, many inexperienced kinksters want to jump straight into their first kink party or find a Dom or sub and get on with playing. I understand the desire but I think this is a mistake. Here are six reasons why I think a kink munch should be your first event, which have little or nothing to do with finding people to play with.

You’ll Make Friends

I’ve got dear friends I first met at munches who I hope will be in my life forever. Kinksters are a friendly crowd and we love helping newcomers find their feet. You’ll meet all kinds of people at a BDSM munch, and not everyone will be your new bestie, but keep an open mind and chat to as many people as you can.

The trick to making friends at a kink munch is to treat it like you would any other situation with new people. If in doubt, ask people about themselves, though avoid overly personal questions. Many kinky people are circumspect about sharing “real world” details about their lives.

Avoid intrusive sexual questions or starting out by asking someone what they’re into. If in doubt, “how long have you been in the community?” or “what do you like to do for fun outside of kink?” are generally safe starting points.

You’ll Build a Reputation

Kinky people like to protect our own, and many of us strive towards robust community safeguarding. That’s why kinky social standings can be made or broken on reputation. Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to start building a good reputation as long as you’re a basically decent person. Becoming a regular at your local kink community’s munch is a great way to do that.

Be friendly, kind, honest, respectful, and honour consent at all times (including small interactions like asking before hugging someone.) When you start playing, negotiate thoroughly and practice risk-aware consensual kink.

In other words, be the kind of person you’d want to be friends with and maybe play with.

You Might Get Invited to Better Parties and Events

Some kink parties are broadly open to anyone who buys a ticket. These can be great, but many other events are private, semi-private, vetted, or invite-only.

The key to getting invited to those events? Make friends, build a good reputation, and be the kind of person others want to be around. Open, social kink events like munches are the best way to do this. This won’t happen overnight, but be yourself and get to know other people as friends and you might soon have a shiny new kinky social life.

It’s a Safer Way to Vet People

If you’ve met someone you might like to play with, learning how to vet a Dom or a sub is a vital tool in staying safe. If you’ve been chatting online, meeting at a kink munch is a safe and low-pressure way to get to know someone. Or if you’ve met someone in the local community and are curious if they’re really as great as they seem, your new kinky friends will be well placed to let you know if your prospective Mr/Ms/Mx Right is a good person to get involved with.

You’ll Build Knowledge

Something to know about kinksters? We’re fucking nerds in the best possible way. Want to learn more about some cool kinky skill or implement you’ve come across, or just about BDSM and the community in general? Your local community is your best resource.

Generally speaking, we kinksters love to enthuse about our “thing” and share our knowledge with anyone who wants to listen. So open your mind, listen up, and get ready to learn all kinds of amazing things. And if you want to ask a particular person at the munch about a kink or activity you know they’re experienced in? Go for it.

A Kink Munch is a Safe Place to Be Yourself

As kinksters, we know that our sexuality lives on the fringes. We may not be able to be safely “out” about our proclivities to people in our lives. In addition, a large percentage of us are queer, trans, neurodivergent, disabled, or have other marginalised identities. This means that you are likely to find a community full of welcoming, accepting people.

In the right kink space, you don’t need to hide your sexuality, your gender, your social awkwardness, or your nerdy hobbies. You’re welcome exactly as you are.

Do you find my work useful? Sharing it on Bluesky or Fetlife or buying me a coffee is a great way to say thanks <3