I’ve only ever been called an “influencer” once and to be honest, friends, it made my teeth itch. I never set out to be an influencer, and ultimately the only thing I want to “influence” anyone to do is to have healthier, happier sex lives and more fulfilling relationships. That may or may not include buying quality sexual wellness or pleasure products. And today I’m going to be deinfluencing you from buying a bunch of shit you don’t need.
Settle in, get comfy, and grab a beverage, because this one got long.
I’m tremendously grateful, of course, to all the brands and business owners that have trusted me to test, review, and promote their products and to everyone who has ever used my affiliate links to make a purchase. Those deals and the money I make from them help me to keep the site going and pay my bills But my first duty is and will always be to my readers.
I promised right at the beginning of Coffee & Kink that I would never lie, deliberately omit pertinent information, or promote things I hadn’t tried or didn’t believe in. I’m proud to have stuck to that philosophy for more than 8 years.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this “deinfluencing you” trend that I’m seeing all over the various social media platforms, particularly Instagram and TikTok. In a nutshell, deinfluencing is all about the things you don’t need to buy. It’s about encouraging people to be more mindful about the products they buy, avoiding both overhyped nonsense that doesn’t work and micro-trends that will be used a handful of times and end up in landfill by this time next year.
Done right, deinfluencing can help to reduce overconsumption, reduce waste, and save money.
What I haven’t seen yet, though, is any deinfluencing content specifically related to sexual wellness products. So I thought I’d create some.
Deinfluencing You: 6 Sexual Wellness and Pleasure Products You Do Not Need
First, a quick disclaimer: this is ultimately my opinion. If you’ve bought any of these products and found that they changed your sex life for the better, you do you! I’m happy for you. The point of this isn’t to say these products are inherently bad (though some of them are). The point is to get you to look past the marketing hype and consider whether they’ll actually be beneficial to you.
So what pleasure and sexual wellness products do you not need? Here are six I’d like to deinfluence you from buying.
Sex Toy Cleaner
Dedicated “toy cleaner” for sex toys is a scam, and an expensive one at that. Simply put, it probably won’t hurt you but you definitely don’t need it. There’s nothing special, magical, or unique about sex toy cleaner. It’s literally a body-safe (sometimes) antibacterial spray or liquid, that’s it. If you’re using non-porous, body-safe toys, you don’t need it. If you’re using porous or toxic toys, it won’t help you.
You can safely skip the toy cleaner and save money by learning how to clean your toys quickly and easily without it. I wrote this guide for Godemiche a few years ago, but here’s the TL/DR version:
Boil silicone, glass, or stainless steel non-motorized toys in a pot of water on the stove for 10 minutes.
Clean ABS plastic toys and water-resistant motorized toys with some warm water and a gentle antibacterial soap.
For everything else, or for a quick clean-up between uses, a body-safe sterile wipe (the kind you can buy in bulk designed for cleaning medical instruments) is a great option.
Anything to Change How Your Genitals Taste, Smell, or Look
Though no-one is immune, these types of products and services are disproportionately marketed at people with vulvas. There is an enormous and hugely profitable industry out there designed to make you feel bad about the appearance, smell, or taste of your genitals. This category covers everything from sprays, creams, douches, and intimate washes through to supplements and even extreme solutions such as cosmetic surgeries.
But here’s the thing: pussy is supposed to smell and taste like pussy. Not flowers or honey or fucking cookies. And healthy, normal genitals come in numerous shapes, sizes, colours, textures, levels of symmetry, amounts and types of hair, and more. I want to deinfluence you not just from buying bogus products, but from thinking there is a single thing wrong with your beautiful, perfect genitals exactly as they are.
At best, anything designed to change the smell or taste of your genitals is unlikely to work for longer than a few minutes. At worst, these products can be actively dangerous. Many of them contain harmful ingredients which can disrupt the delicate balance of bacteria, throw off your pH levels, and lead to discomfort or even infection.
The amazing thing about the vagina is that it’s self-cleaning. You don’t need to – and shouldn’t – put any products inside it at all. The external vulva needs nothing more than a daily wash with some warm water to keep it clean. Some experts say to use a gentle and unperfumed soap, others say to avoid soaps entirely.
Short of surgery, you also can’t change how your genitals look. And you don’t need to! Your bits don’t need to be bigger, smaller, tighter, plumper, skinnier, neater, or any other bullshit you’ve been fed. They’re perfect exactly as they are. Anyone who shames or criticises you for the normal look, feel, taste, or smell of your genitals doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near your glorious body.
Scented or Flavoured Lube (Especially Seasonal Flavoured Lube)
I’m a big fan of lube. I probably have about ten or fifteen bottles of the stuff scattered around my bedroom, in my party kit, in my various travel bags for visiting my long-distance girlfriend, and in my “to be reviewed” pile. I believe lube can help to make mediocre sex good, and good sex great.
Flavoured lube, though?
No. That stuff can fuck off.
Flavoured lube is often packed with ingredients such as glycerin and other sweeteners, flavourings and fragrances. All of these can be really bad for vulvovaginal health. It also tends to have an unpleasant sticky texture.
And again: genitals are meant to smell and taste like genitals. Not strawberry. Not bubblegum. And certainly not any “seasonal” flavours, like that caramel latte stuff I reviewed once and then forgot about and ultimately threw away two years later because, even though it was less gross than many such products, I still don’t actually want my/my partners’ bits to taste of coffee and sugar.
While I’m deinfluencing you from buying flavoured lubes, I think we also need an honourable mention for flavoured condoms.I can sort of see the appeal of them if you’re someone who uses barriers for oral sex. Latex tastes nasty, after all. But in my considered opinion, those horrible artificial flavours taste worse. Pro tip: choose non-latex condoms made from materials like polyurethane (PU) condoms, and go for the non-lubricated variety, to minimise the taste and smell.
Libido or Arousal Supplements
Libido-boosting supplements and arousal supplements are big business. Manufacturers of these products make lofty claims, but do they work? Probably not, says Harvard Medical School. Some of these products may contain ingredients for which there is some evidence base, but at best they’re a helping hand, not a magic solution. Often, they’re pure pseudoscience.
Sometimes, libido supplements they can even be dangerous. They can cause unforseen side effects, allergic reactions, or interactions with other prescription or over-the-counter medication. If you’re going to try one, always consult a healthcare professional first. My ultimate recommendation, though, is to avoid these products unless you’re specifically directed to take one by your doctor.
Why? They’re a neat and easy “solution” to a complex issue which may or may not even be a problem at all.
Sexual desire (it’s not a drive!) is complex. Many people do not experience spontaneous desire (that “out of the blue” horniness or desire for sex, without any kind of sexually relevant stimulus) at all. Others experience it rarely, or find that its frequency declines with age. And some experience it all the time! All of these experiences are normal and healthy.
If your sexual desire is low, whether it’s always been low or has dipped recently, you don’t need scammy pills and potions. Instead, you need to take the time to understand what’s going on for you. Factors such as ageing, hormonal changes, pain, disability, stress, mental health problems, pregnancy and parenting, caring responsibilities, relationship challenges, and bereavement are just a few of the things that can impact sexual desire and sexual response. You might also be on the asexual spectrum or just a person with naturally low sexual desire. If your level of desire or lack thereof is not causing a problem for you, then… it’s not a problem!
Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Areand its accompanying workbook is an unbeatable resource for anyone who is struggling with sexual desire. It’s primarily about the experiences of cis women and other people with vulvas, but Nagoski’s insights and the science underpinning them can be transformative for anyone. It’ll cost you a lot less than a packet of “libido-boosting supplements” and it’ll likely help you a hell of a lot more. (I might be deinfluencing you from buying crappy sexual wellness products, but I’m very happy to influence you into reading and internalising the brilliance of Dr. Nagoski!)
Note: what I’m not talking about in this section is pleasure balm, clitoral stimulation cream and so on. You apply these topically and they contain ingredients that stimulate blood flow or provide a pleasurable tingling sensation. I’m a big fan of these products and to the best of my knowledge, believe them to be safe.
Numbing Lubes, Sprays, and Creams
Numbling lubes, as well as other products such as sprays and creams, contain desensitising ingredients such as lidocaine or benzocaine. They’re particularly popular for anal sex. Some people also use them to delay ejaculation.
This is another product that isn’t just bad and a waste of money, it’s dangerous.
Never, ever, ever use a numbling agent for any kind of penetrative sex, whether anal or vaginal. Sex should not hurt. Yes, including anal sex – this is one of the biggest and most harmful anal sex myths there is. Yes, including the first time you have penetrative sex. If sex is painful, something is wrong. You might not be sufficiently aroused or lubricated. You might be tense or worried. Or there might be an underlying medical cause.
Regardless of the reason, numbing the area so you don’t feel the pain isn’t the answer. Pain is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong. Without its vital signals, you literally won’t be able to tell if damage is happening to your delicate tissue. Sex should never be something you have to push through or numb your body to get through.
Though it’s not as dangerous, I’d also like to deinfluence you from using numbing agents to delay ejaculation. Firstly, they reduce pleasure, which is likely one of the main reasons you’re having sex in the first place. Some people experience unwanted side effects such as redness, irritation, or even an allergic reaction. They can also transfer to your partner during penetrative sex, numbing or causing irritation to their vagina or anus.
If you’re tempted to reach for the numbing lube or spray, whether to deal with painful sex or to manage ejaculation that’s faster than you would like, seek support from a qualified medical professional such as a doctor or psychosexual therapist instead.
Yoni Eggs, Quartz Wands, and Other Crystal Sex Toys
Remember those “jade eggs” that Gwynneth Paltrow’s company, Goop, was selling a few years back? The company ended up paying $145,000 in fines for “unsubstantiated” marketing claims. Goop claimed that its jade eggs and quartz eggs could correct all kinds of medical issues, from hormonal imbalances to irregular mentrual cycles. Spoiler: they couldn’t.
Yoni eggs are egg-shaped pleasure products, designed to be inserted into the vagina. They’re usually made from gems such as jade or rose quartz. Other, similar products include quartz wands, which are basically dildos made from rose quartz. Proponents claim that these products have an array of impressive benefits, from altering hormones to healing sexual trauma. Spoiler: they don’t.
Some claims about crystal sex toys are readily disprovable with, you know, science. Others are so vague and wishy-washy as to be functionally meaningless. “As for ‘female energy’… I’m a gynaecologist and I don’t know what that is,” quips the amazing Dr. Jen Gunter.
Say it with me: crystals look pretty but they have absolutely no other powers or properties. Sorry pals, but I’m here to tell you that these things are absolute, solid gold, grade A bullshit. It’s pure woo nonsense made up to sell you things. And if you put crystals inside your body, they can also be dangerous.
Firstly, crystals are often porous. This means they will harbour bacteria and never get truly clean, leading to issues such as infections. This is a particular risk for products such as yoni eggs, which are designed to be worn inside the vagina for hours at a time. Some gynecologists have even identified them as a risk for toxic shock syndrome, which can be fatal.
Stones and crystals vary widely in both their porosity and their overall quality. Because the sex toy industry is largely unregulated, it can be hard to be sure that what you’re getting is what the manufacturer claims it is. That’s why writers, educators, and advocates like me are constantly banging on about how you should only buy from reputable retailers. This risk goes up massively when you’re dealing with things like crystals.
Crystal mining can also be harmful to the environment and to the people who actually dig these stones out of the ground. According to solicitor Rebecca Swan, writing for UK law firm Leigh Day, crystal mining can come with a steep human cost: injury, death, child labour, and economic exploitation. According to Tess McClure, writing for The Guardian, crystal mining is contributing directly to rainforest destruction and threatening the survival of endangered species. Some activists have even called crystals “the new blood diamonds.”
Not so “healing”, huh? If these facts don’t deinfluence you from being tempted by crystal pleasure products, I don’t know what will.
Leave the crystals alone. Your body and the planet will thank you.
I hope this has given you pause for thought if you were considering buying any of these products, which vary from “unnecessary and expensive” to “actively dangerous.” If I think of other sexual wellness and pleasure products you definitely don’t need, I might follow this up with a part 2.
Looking for pleasure products that are good for your body from companies you can trust? Check out my favourite retailers in the right hand sidebar or read my sex toy reviews for an unbiased and informed perspective.
Pjur is perhaps one of the most well-known lubricant brands on the market, yet in over 8 years of running this site I’ve never done a Pjur lube review! That’s about to change, though, because I recently received the new Pjur Med Natural and Pjur Med Sensitive lubes to try out.
Pjur Med Natural vs. Pjur Med Sensitive: What Are They and What’s the Difference?
Med Natural and Med Sensitive are two lubricants from Pjur’s new Med range. Under the European Medical Device Regulation (MDR), personal lubes are classified as IIb medical devices – that is, under the same category as products such as condoms, but also medical equipment such as blood bags, ventilators, and implantable dental devices.
What does this mean? Pjur explains it in detail here. In short, though:
Since 2024, a product can only be sold as a personal lubricant in the EU if it passes the MDR.
Products that are not MDR compliant must only be sold as cosmetics for external use.
Products must demonstrate efficacy and safety to receive MDR certification.
Pjur, headquartered in Luxembourg and manufacturing in Germany, is among the first lube manufacturers to receive MDR certification. This means that you can purchase Pjur lubes with a higher level of confidence that they are safe for your body.
Med Natural and Med Sensitive are both water-based personal lubricants, with the main difference being the ingredients. They are both unscented, unflavoured, condom-safe, and toy-safe.
Is Pjur Med Lube Vegan?
I reached out to my contact to ask whether Pjur products are vegan and cruelty-free. Here’s what they told me:
Pjur lubes contain only vegan ingredients. However, sadly, all those sold in the US market (which is most of them) are tested on animals as this is required by law to make them a certified medical device. This means I definitely won’t be buying them again. I may not even have agreed to test them if I’d known this, to be honest.
For those in the UK or EU, though, “Pjur Med VEGAN” is a cruelty-free choice.
Pjur Med Natural Ingredients
Since Pjur Med lubes are MDR-certified, I’m going to approach this review with the basic assumption that all the ingredients are body-safe and of a high quality. Therefore, in this Pjur lube review I will only comment on things to be aware of depending on your personal needs and preferences.
Pjur Med Natural‘s ingredients list looks like this: Aqua (Water), Glycerin, Xanthan Gum, Benzyl Alcohol, Sodium Benzoate, Citric Acid, Potassium Sorbate.
First, let’s talk about glycerin.
Pjur specifically uses vegetable glycerin, AKA glycerol, in its Med range of lubes. Glycerin is a controversial ingredient in lubricant, with some expertsbelieving it can increase the risk of yeast infections for folks with vulvas, damagemucus membranes and raise the osmolality of a lube, increasing the risk of irritation or infection. Others say it is safe and nothing to worry about.
This is ultimately an individual choice. I’d recommend avoiding it if you’re prone to yeast infections or irritation. Personally I prefer to avoid lubes with glycerin for this reason, but not everyone’s vulva is as sensitive as mine.
Benzyl alcohol is another ingredient to be aware of in this one. This common ingredient is considered safe for skincare uses, but it is a fairly common allergen and can cause irritation in individuals who are sensitive to it. Always do a patch test before using the lube if you’re not sure.
Xanthan gum is a common thickening agent and stabiliser. Sodium benzoate, citric acid, and potassium sorbate are common food-grade preservatives that are generally safe and well-tolerated. They also appear in only tiny amounts in lubricant.
Pjur Med Sensitive Ingredients
Med Sensitive is formulated for those with sensitive skin. Sensitive lubes tend to contain gentler ingredients, reducing the risk of irritation, infection, or allergic reaction.
The ingredients list is as follows: Aqua (Water), Propylene Glycol, Ethoxydiglycol, Hydroxypropyl Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Sodium Saccharin, Citric Acid
Propylene glycol is an ingredient that often causes people to panic because it’s a key component of antifreeze. Which, sure, but so is water. You don’t need to freak out about an ingredient just because it also appears in another, unrelated product! Propylene glycol is a common food and the FDA categorises it as “generally recognised as safe.”
Propylene glycol’s safety as a lube ingredient, though, is a divisive subject with some claiming that it can cause irritation. I’ve always avoided it but, given its presence as a key ingredient in a medically-approved lubricant (and one for sensitive skin, no less) I might have to reevaluate this!
Traditional propylene glycol is a petrochemical, meaning that it is derived from non-renewable resources. However, there are also plant-based alternatives. Pjur does not specify which type it uses.
Ethoxydiglycol and Hydroxypropyl Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride (HGHC) both commonly appear in cosmetics products but less often in lubricants. Both are generally considered safe in small quantities and the former is subject to strict regulations governing how and in what quantities it may be used. Hydroxyethylcellulose is a gelling and thickening agent from plant sources, and sodium saccharin is a synthetic food-grade, non-nutritive sweetener.
Med Natural & Med Sensitive Pjur Lube Review: In Use
Both Pjur Med Natural and Med Sensitive come in 100ml screw-top bottles. The neck of the bottle is mostly covered, with just a small hole to pour the lube through. This setup tends to result in lube all over the bottle, all over the bed, or both unless you’re super careful. Pump bottles or disc top caps are vastly superior lube dispensing mechanisms!
The taste of both lubes is pretty light and unobtrusive. Med Sensitive is sweeter but, due to the sodium saccharin, also has the kind of “chemical sweetener” taste I find really unpleasant. As a result I’m unlikely to use this one for oral sex.
Consistency wise, Med Natural is very thin and runny. Med Sensitive is slightly thicker, edging towards a gel-like consistency. This means that Sensitive is a longer-lasting lube and I needed to reapply it less often. Both left a slight sticky, tacky sensation on my hands after use, which washed away easily with water.
Both of these lubes have a light, barely-discernible scent. They wash out of clothes, sheets, and strap-on harnesses easily.
Pjur Lube Review: Verdict
Overall, I found these lubes fine, though I wouldn’t say I loved them. The medical certification does give me confidence in using and recommending them as safe options, with the caveat to always check the ingredients if you have any allergies or sensitivities.
I preferred the less sickly-sweet taste of Med Natural, but the thicker consistency of Med Sensitive. Neither have caused any negative reactions for my body, though I’ve avoided using the glycerin-containing Med Natural internally.
You can buy Med Natural and Med Sensitive from Pjur for $18/$23 respectively for a 100ml bottle (that’s €15.95/€17.95 for EU readers and £13.95/£15.95 for my UK friends!)
Thanks to Pjur and Little Leaf Agency for supporting this Pjur lube review by providing these samples. All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.
It’s that time of year again when I do a day-by-day unboxing of the Lovehoney Advent Calendar for couples! Lovehoney UK is offering three advent calendars this year: a 12-day version and a 24-day version in partnership with Womanizer, as well as the Amorana Deluxe 24-day calendar which contains over £1100 worth of products. In the US, the 24-day version is the only one currently available.
I received the Lovehoney x Womanizer 24-day advent calendar. Straight away, I will say that I like the presentation of this Lovehoney advent calendar much more than previousiterations. The products are packaged in little individually labelled cardboard boxes in festive red and gold, rather than the tear-off doors that start to look a little scruffy when you’re a few days in. There’s also no plastic inner tray, cutting down on single-use plastic to make the whole thing more eco-friendly.
For the next 24 days, I’ll open one door each day and tell you a little about the item inside in a mini review with product info, pros and cons.
Without further ado, let’s dive into Day 1, shall we?
Day #1: Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
Like previous iterations of the Lovehoney Advent Calendar, this one begins with a rechargeable bullet vibrator. This time, it’s a pretty rose gold colour with black button and Lovehoney insignia.
Light and compact – ideal for sliding between bodies during partnered sex or throwing into your bag for a sexy date
Surprisingly decent level of power for its size and price-point, and the hard plastic transmits the vibrations well
Versatile – designed for clits but great for penises, balls, nipples, and all kinds of other erogenous zones too (don’t use it anally, though, as it doesn’t have a suitable base)
Cons
Unlike many Lovehoney toys, it does not arrive with any charge so you’ll need to plug it in before you use it. This can ruin the mood if you’re aiming for an “unbox and use straight away” vibe.
A little more buzzy than I would prefer
Single button interface is kind of annoying when there are so many settings
Verdict
Once again, a solid basic bullet vibrator to kick things off. I would prefer it to be a bit more rumbly, but for the size and price-point it’s decent.
Day #2: Lube and Toy Wipes
Door #2 contains two items: a 60ml tube of Womanizer water-based lubricant and a packet of 10 Lovehoney toy cleaning wipes.
Pros
The biodegradable wipes are eco-friendly
The handy travel sizes are ideal for taking with you on a date or weekend away
Both products are compatible with all toy materials including silicone
The lube has a nice, fairly thin and runny consistency that flows and spreads well
The lube is virtually scent-free and flavourless
Cons
The lube contains glycerin as the second ingredient. Experts believe that glycerin can damage the vagina’s mucus membranes and raise the osmolality of a lube, increasing the risk of irritation or even infection. Claims that glycerin contributes to yeast infections are somewhat controversial and hotly debated. However, experts at Stanford OB/GYN and the Cleveland Clinic believe there is a risk. Personally, I avoid glycerin-containing lubes for the sake of my vaginal health. They also tend to have an unpleasant sticky or tacky feeling after a while.
The toy wipes will clean your toy and should not be taken as a substitute for properly sterilizing it, especially if you are sharing it with a partner or partners.
Verdict
I like this combination of two miniature products together, but I would like to see the lube swapped out with one that doesn’t contain glycerin.
Day #3: Silicone Textured Dildo
Today’s box revealed a bright red silicone dildo with a curved shaft, gentle rippling texture on the underside, and slightly pronounced head. It also has a suction cup base and a hollow space where you can insert the bullet vibrator from Day 1.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Scarlet red
Body safe? Yes, silicone is body-safe and non-porous
Waterproof: Yes, there is no motor and the material is non-porous so you can safely use this toy in water
Size: 6″ length, 1.2″ diameter at widest point
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Sterile wipe, warm water and antibacterial soap, or boiling
Lovely curve, ideal for targeted G-spot or prostate stimulation
Large base makes the toy anal safe
Works with or without the bullet vibe from Day 1 (or any suitably sized bullet in your collection)
Texturing adds additional internal stimulation
Cons
Bullet vibe has a tendency to get stuck and be hard to remove (pro tip: lube it first!)
Base is too small for the toy to be harness-compatible
Verdict
A great basic textured dildo! These kits are really aimed at people who are newer to toys/sexual exploration, and this item’s thoughtful design and small-ish size make it ideal for a first dildo. I would like to see a slightly larger base to make it harness-compatible, though.
Day #4: TPE Penis Stroker
Day 4’s box contains a TPE penis stroker, complete with a slot along the side to add the bullet vibrator from Day 1 (or any other bullet in your collection) if you want to.
Body safe? Ish. TPE is generally non-toxic but it is porous, which means it will harbour bacteria and cannot be fully sterilised. Don’t share it and don’t expect it to last forever. I recommend upgrading to a silicone stroker when you can.
Waterproof: Yes, you can use this toy in water safely, though it may damage the material more quickly.
Size: 4″ length but stretchy
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Warm water and antibacterial soap. Dusting the toy with a little cornstarch after cleaning and drying may help to extend its life.
A decent introduction to strokers if you’ve never used one before
Ability to use with the bullet vibrator from Day 1, transforming it into a vibrating stroker
Very stretchy to accommodate most penis sizes
Nice internal texturing that hugs and stimulates the entire shaft of your penis
Cons
Weird powdery texture that feels horrible on my hands
Material cannot be fully sterilised
Unlikely to last long
Verdict
It’s fine for what it is, but I would much prefer it were made of a non-porous material like silicone. Again: if you like the sensation, upgrade to a silicone stroker for a toy that will last you a lifetime and be far more hygienic.
Day #5: Kink Blindfold
Sensory deprivation can be a lot of fun to play with. By taking away one or more of the senses (such as sight) you heighten the others (such as touch). It can also be a great way to enhance anticipation, play with power and control, or otherwise explore whatever aspects of kink and BDSM appeal to you.
Today’s advent calendar box contains a kink blindfold. Made of polyester and with a pretty black and rose gold pattern, this blindfold measures 7″ across and 2.5″ top to bottom. A similar item retails for £7.99 if bought separately.
Pros
Stretchy elastic means the blindfold will fit most users
Plushy padded backing is comfortable to wear
Pretty black and rose gold design
Doubles as a sleep mask (I have several of these now and as a seasoned kinkster I rarely use them for BDSM as I have better blindfolds, but I always take one with me when I travel to help me sleep)
Cons
Not quite big enough – it blocks most of the light effectively but I can still see around the edges a bit if I keep my eyes open
Cheap fabric is starting to pull at the edges and look less attractive after just a few wears
I’m not sure how well it would survive washing
Verdict
A perfectly serviceable basic blindfold if you just want to play but aren’t looking for complete sight deprivation. It would be better if it was slightly wider. If you enjoy playing with this, then it’s easy to upgrade to a better kink blindfold that will last you longer and block more of your vision.
Day #6: Crystal Butt Plug
Box #6 contains an aluminium metal butt plug with a sparkly red crystal-look base.
Product Info
Material: Aluminium
Colour: Rose gold body with a red gem base
Body safe? Generally yes; aluminium is a non-toxic and non-porous metal that is safe for use in sex toys. However, some aluminium can contain traces of nickel so I’d be very cautious if you are allergic.
Waterproof: Yes, you can use this toy in water with no issues.
Size: 3″ in total length, 1.1″ in diameter at widest insertable point
Cleaning: Sterile wipe, 10% bleach solution, or warm water and antibacterial soap. I wouldn’t boil this one or put it in the dishwasher as it might damage the glue holding the gem in place.
RRP if bought as a single item:This similar toy retails for £22.99
Pros
Surprisingly light – aluminium is a lot lighter than stainless steel, making it a more accessible entry point for metal toys
The rose gold body and red crystal colour scheme is really pretty
Great for temperature play – just pop it in the fridge or run it under some warm (not hot) water right before use
Small size likely to make it suitable for more users
Cons
In general, I think a metal anal toy in a set aimed at beginners is a bold choice. I might have gone for silicone instead.
The firm rounded base might dig in after you’ve been wearing it for a while and could be uncomfortable
Verdict
A nice little metal plug; personally I would have gone for silicone if I were designing this kit, but as entry-level metal anal toys go this is a decent one. The pretty colour and sparkly crystal make it super cute, too.
Day #7: Vanilla Massage Oil
Day 7’s box contains a 30ml bottle of Lovehoney’s vanilla massage oil. Massage can be a great precursor to sex, a way to connect intimately and show love and affection to a partner without getting your genitals involved, or a form of aftercare. For those in kinky dynamics, it can also be a fun form of service!
Product Info
This vanilla massage oil contains just four ingredients:
Ethylhexyl palmite: A common and safe emollient and carrying agent which can soften and smooth the skin.
Caprylic/capric triglyceride: Derived from coconut oil and glycerine, this antioxidant also smooths the skin and helps to bind other ingredients. It is safe for topical use unless you have a coconut oil allergy.
Isopropyl myristate: An emollient with low viscosity which softens, smooths, and moisturises the skin and is safe and beneficial for most users. It may cause skin irritation in a small minority of people, usually those with existing skin conditions.
Parfum (aroma): This is a weird one. “Parfum” isn’t actually an ingredient but a concoction that could contain any of over 3000 ingredients designed to make a product smell good. Some people recommend avoiding products with this mystery mix, others say it’s probably fine as long as you don’t have an allergy or sensitivity. Personally I don’t worry about it too much for products for occasional topical use (such as massage oils), but your risk tolerance may vary.
This oil is also sold separately under Lovehoney’s Fifty Shades of Grey branded products and retails for £11.99 for 30ml.
Pros
Nice vanilla smell, distinctive but not overpowering or too “chemically”
Glides on smoothly and has a pleasant skin feel
Cons
Dries out quickly and doesn’t last particularly well, meaning you might need to reapply it regularly
May be unsuitable for those with fragrance sensitivities or certain skin allergies
Leaves a slight oily feeling on my hands after use
Verdict
Not my favourite massage oil, but it’s fine. I wouldn’t likely buy this again as there are other massage products I like a lot more.
Day #8: Wrist Restraints
Today’s box contains a pair of velcro-shut wrist cuffs with plastic hardware. The cuffs are black, and the hardware is rose gold, matching various other items in this set. I’ll say this for Lovehoney and Womanizer, they have their aesthetic cohesion down.
Pros
I will say straight away that these are a huge step up from the 2021 calendar’s “wrist restraints” (glorified ribbons and frankly pretty dangerous) and from 2022’s uncomfortable rough cuffs. These ones are made of a soft material that feels nice against the skin.
Other pros include:
Velcro fastenings come undone in seconds, enhancing safety and making them beginner-friendly
Very adjustable so will fit just about anyone
Attached clips allow you to cuff someone’s hands together or clip them to something else
Cons
Clips are tiny, so what you can fasten them to is pretty limited
Not particularly strong – the hardware feels like it would break if you pulled against them too hard
When you fasten them tighter, there’s nowhere for the spare velcro to be tucked so it just sort of… dangles
Verdict
You might be sending a theme in my overall impression of this kit: these cuffs aren’t amazing, but they’re fine. If you want to play with light bedroom bondage or try out getting restrained for the first time, they’re ideal. If you’re looking for something a bit more heavy-duty, though, you’ll probably want to upgrade to leather cuffs (or vegan equivalent) or go to a dedicated kink gear maker.
Day #9: We-Vibe Sync Lite
The We-Vibe Sync Light is a wearable vibrator designed to be inserted into the vagina during penetrative sex, with an external arm that provides clitoral stimulation. Of course, as always, there are lots of different ways to use toys and the suggested way is just one of them!
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: No – toy is IPX-4 splashproof but should not be submerged
Middling power vibrations – they’re not knock-your-socks-off, but they’re decent
Flexible middle between the two arms allows you to position the toy in whatever way is most comfortable for your body
App controls! I did not expect to find an app-controlled toy in this kit but I am very pleasantly surprised. We-Vibe’s app is free from the Android or iOS stores and allows you to connect at close range or remotely from anywhere in the world.
Cons
No remote control, which is a downside if you don’t want to use the app
Single button interface on the body of the toy is kind of annoying
Not waterproof
In my experience, these toys don’t generally stay in place well during partnered sex without someone holding them in position
Verdict
This is a really impressive addition to the kit! These types of toys are normally seriously pricey, so this is a great introduction for those who are curious about trying one. The app controls are also a really nice extra, particularly for couples who want to connect sexually over long distance.
Day #10: Silicone Cock Ring
Today’s item is a basic silicone thick cock ring. Cock rings are worn around the base of the penis, restricting blood flow outwards to help the wearer maintain a stronger erection for longer. Some also say they heighten sensation and intensify orgasm.
According to Healthline, cock rings are safe for the vast majority of wearers as long as you listen to your body, wear a ring of a suitable size, and follow some basic precautions, such as using lube and not leaving the ring on for more than 30 minutes at a time.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes – silicone is non-porous and non-toxic.
Waterproof: Yes, this toy is non-porous and has no motor so can safely be used in water
Size: 1.5″ diameter but stretchy
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Boiling, a 10% bleach solution, a sterile wipe, or warm water and antibacterial soap
May be uncomfortably tight on those with very girthy penises
Verdict
Not much more to say on this one – a great basic cock ring that is also body-safe and should be durable and long-lasting.
Day #11: Spanking Paddle
Today’s item is a mini spanking paddle with a pretty black and rose gold design matching other items in the kit. It’s made of silky satin on one side and faux leather on the other, and has a ribbon wrist loop. It measures 9″ in total length.
Very safe as an intro toy for impact play beginners – you’re very unlikely to do anyone real damage with this
Slightly different sensation from each of the two sides (the leather side is a little more stingy)
Impressive slappy noise which is hot to some people
Cons
Unlikely to satisfy anyone who enjoys more than very mild pain
Loud noise may be problematic if you have to keep your play discreet
Not particularly robust, will probably fall apart after a bit
Verdict
This is a perfectly okay spanking paddle for total beginners. It’s gentle enough to be safe and non-threatening, and might be a decent way to figure out if impact play is something you enjoy. It’s unlikely to satisfy serious BDSM enthusiasts but honestly, serious BDSM enthusiasts aren’t the target market for this kit anyway.
Today it’s literally the card game “Snap” but as a sex position card game. Is the idea that you play the game and then when you get a “snap”, you have to have sex in that position? Because YKINMKBYKIOK and all, but that doesn’t sound sexy to me.
Also, they should really rename this as “Sex Position Card Game For Very Athletic Straight People.” Because seriously, look at them. They all assume, to a greater or lesser extent, a cisgender man and woman having penetrative vaginal sex. Some of them are fine, if fairly generic. Some are potentially doable, if you’re very fit, like “The Wheelbarrow”:
Others are… well, this:
Stop it, Lovehoney. You’re being silly now.
Pros
Potentially a fun, goofy and low-pressure way into exploring new positions, I guess?
Calls to mind this scene from The Bold Type in which our three bestie protagonists test out a new sex position for Scarlet Magazine.
Some of these, at least, could potentially work for strap-on sex or anal sex (at least if you made some minor adjustments) as well as vaginal sex.
Cons
A lot of these are just fairly standard positions that most people who have penetrative sex likely already have in their repertoire.
The others are, as we have identified above, anything from “improbable if you’re not an athlete” to “physically im-fucking-possible.”
Extremely cishetero and gendered
Verdict
You might get a little inspiration from this, or at the very least you’ll have a laugh trying out some of the more challenging positions. Overall, though, I don’t know why we’re still pretending that contorting yourself into all kinds of weird shapes is superior to or hotter than good old missionary, doggy style, or over-the-edge-of-the-bed fucking.
Day #13: G-Spot/P-Spot Massager
Today’s product is a G-Spot/P-Spot Massager. In other words, a penetrative toy that can be used to stimulate either the G-spot or the prostate. It has an optional slot to insert a bullet vibrator such as the one from Day 1.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes (though if you’re using a vibrator with it, make sure that’s waterproof too!)
Size: 4″ insertable length, 1.4″ diameter at widest point
Cleaning: A body-safe sterile wipe, boiling, or gentle antibacterial soap and water
RRP if bought as a single item: N/A – not available
Pros
Suitable and safe for both vaginal and anal use
Can be used with or without a vibrator
Very flexible, which can help with insertion and comfortable positioning
Bulbed head for precision stimulation of the G-spot or prostate
Narrow neck allows it to sit comfortably once inserted
Beginner-friendly size
Cons
None that I can see!
Verdict
This is a lovely item and a great inclusion in the kit. It’s good to see items that are suitable for people regardless of their body or genital type, the shape and curve are excellent, and the size isn’t too intimidating for those who are new to anal play.
Day #14: Menthol Pleasure Balm
Today’s item is a 7g tin of Lovehoney’s menthol pleasure balm. This item isn’t sold separately in this form but it’s pretty similar to the Bliss Orgasm Balm, which I love and use regularly.
Product Info
In a nutshell, pleasure balm or orgasm balm is designed to be applied to the external genitals, especially the clitoris. The ingredients provide a tingling sensation and may encourage blood flow, promoting greater sensitivity.
The Menthol Pleasure Balm contains a pretty long list of ingredients, but most of them give me no cause for concern. It does contain propylparaben, and some people like to avoid parabens entirely for understandable reasons. However, according to a report by the Scientific Committee on Consumer Safety, “the SCCS has concluded that propylparaben is safe when used as a preservative in cosmetic products up to a maximum concentration of 0.14%.” I’m not a scientist, of course, but I would conclude from this data that the tiny amount in this product is unlikely to do you any harm.
Unfortunately this balm contains beeswax, so it is not vegan.
Pros
7g doesn’t sound like a very big tin, but you really don’t need a lot to get the effects so you’ll get a good few uses out of this
Genuinely works! I have had several tins of this stuff over the years and I love it. It really does enhance sensitivity (it’s not a magic orgasm spell, though, so keep your expectations realistic!)
Some of the plant-based oils and other ingredients may have beneficial properties for skin
Cons
Not vegan due to beeswax
Oily consistency can make clean-up a bit annoying
Strong minty scent may be unpleasant to some people
Verdict
I still really like this stuff, though I think personally I’ll be sticking to the vegan, paraben-free version.
Day #15: Plastic Massager
Today’s item is a handheld plastic massager. It’s red and sparkly, and has a central handle and then four arms each with a spherical bulb on the end to get deep into all those muscles and knots. On its own, this item retails for £5.99.
Pros
Light weight and ergonomic design make it comfortable to hold and use
Great way to give a deeper massage, especially if your hands or wrists get tired or sore
Flexible options – use one, two, or all four ends at once for different sensations
Really good for getting properly into sore muscles!
Basically zero maintenance – just wash off excess massage oil after use and you’re good to go
Cons
Because it’s hard plastic, you need to be a little bit careful – you could possibly hurt someone if you press too hard. We’re not talking “serious injury” here, but maybe “nasty bruise.”
Verdict
I really like this one. And it’s sparkly, which never hurts my opinion of a product!
Day #16: Micro Wand Vibrator
Today’s product is a micro wand vibrator. Look how tiny it is!
Product Info
Material: Plastic body. I thought the head material was probably silicone but wasn’t 100% sure, so I flame-tested it and based on what I know about deciphering flame test results I think I’m correct
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes, assuming it is indeed silicone
Waterproof: No
Size: 4.5″ in total length
Speeds/patterns: 3 speeds, 7 patterns
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Wipe the head with a body-safe sterile wipe (do not submerge this toy in water)
Easy user interface and satisfyingly clicky buttons
Cons
Requires batteries, which are not included (2 x AAA)
Not waterproof
Vibrations not particularly powerful
Buzzy as fuck
Verdict
I think people see “wand vibrator” and assume that it’s going to be powerful. But this isn’t a wand in any meaningful sense. This is a wand. This tiny little thing, though, is just a crappy vibrator with a weak and buzzy motor designed to look like a micro version of a wand.
I already have something very similar from a previous calendar, and it’s often within reach because it does wonders for my sore neck when I’ve been sitting at the computer for too long. Partners have also really enjoyed having it used on them.
Day #17: Dice Sex Game
Today’s box contains a simple dice sex game. One dice includes pictures of items from the calendar (stroker, bullet vibe, paddle, mini wand, dildo, and massager). The other contains timeframes ranging from 1 minute to 15 minutes, plus a “free” option.
Pros
Can be a fun, low-pressure way into exploring with a partner if you are new and nervous about using toys or experimenting sexually
You can use the dice in different ways. I’m immediately thinking of a game where you roll the “implement” die three times and then have to come up with a quick scene that incorporates all three elements.
Cons
Things can end up feeling unbalanced if you follow the game too rigidly. If one person gets 15 minutes of something then the other rolls one minute, it’s probably not going to feel very mutual. Of course, you can get around this by creating “house rules” or just ensuring everyone gets roughly equal time (or whatever they want/need) even if you’re switching between different activities.
Verdict
Not really my thing, but perfectly fine for its intended audience.
Day #18: Ankle Restraints
Remember those velcro-fastening wrist cuffs from Day 8? Well, today’s box containd the matching set of ankle restraints. These, too, are black with rose gold hardware and come with a clip to fasten them together.
Pros
Like the wrist cuffs, they’re a huge step up from the rough nylon cuffs and those unsafe ribbon things from previous years
Soft and comfy to wear
Safe and beginner-friendly as you can unfasten them in a second
Very adjustable sizing
Cons
The clips are tiny and not very strong
Annoying dangling velcro strap when they’re on
Mostly, I’m just annoyed that these were a separate item. All four cuffs should have been in the same box as they’re clearly a set.
Verdict
Exactly like the other half of this matching set (sensing a pattern here?) these are far from amazing, but they’re fine. They do the job if all you want to do is experiment with light bondage. If you find you enjoy it, you can always splash out on some properly made kink ankle cuffs later on.
Day #19: Kegel Balls
Day 19’s box contains a set of kegel balls, AKA ben-wa balls. Kegel balls are interesting, because there are a lot of lofty claims out there about them. They’ll solve incontinence! They’ll make your orgasms better! They might even make it easier to orgasm if you struggle!
Is any of this true?
Eh. Maybe. Check out my past posts on kegel balls and kegel exercisers, especially this one, to learn more about what the current research does and does not say.
In this post I will be approaching kegel balls solely as a sex toy designed for pleasure, not as any sort of health or wellness device.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Red balls with black casing
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 3″ insertable length, 3.5″ tail, 1.1″ diameter across each ball
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube is best
Cleaning: Boiling is best as this will kill all bacteria even in hard-to-reach places
RRP if bought as a single item:This similar set retails for £12.99
Pros
Small enough for beginners
Long and strong silicone cord for easy removal
Removeable sling makes cleaning easy
Cons
None that I can find – these are great.
Verdict
An ideal introduction to kegel balls for anyone who has never tried them before.
Day #20: Rabbit Cock Ring
Day 20’s box contains a silicone cock ring with rabbit ears. This can be used with the bullet vibrator from Day 1, or on its own. When combined with the bullet vibrator, the ears can provide clitoral stimulation to the receptive partner during penetrative sex as well as stimulating the wearer. On its own, it still gives you all the benefits of using a cock ring.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes
Size: 1.5″ ring diameter, 1″ ears
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube
Cleaning: Boiling, soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution
RRP if bought as a single item: Not available but this similar item retails for £24.99
Pros
Versatile toy suitable for use during masturbation or partnered sex, and with or without a vibrator
Adds clitoral stimulation, which a large majority of vulva-owners need to orgasm and which is not always forthcoming during p-in-v sex
Wide band for comfortable fit
Stretchy to accommodate different sizes
Cons
May not fit people with very girthy penises comfortably
Verdict
Realistically, this toy is not something I’m likely to use. My experience has been that vibrating cock rings during penetrative sex don’t tend to do much for me as the stimulation they provide isn’t consistent enough. But everyone’s different and it’s a perfectly fine item, just not really for me.
Day #21: Beginner Nipple Clamps
Day 21’s box contains a pair of nipple clamps. They’re made of rose gold plastic, with a little decorative lightning bolt charm and red silicone tips. The slider design allows you to loosen or tighten them as desired.
They’re cute; I like the colour and the lightning charm is a fun touch
Easy to put on and take off quickly
Adjustable to fit different nipple sizes and tightness preferences
Very gentle, which makes them suitable beginner nipple clamps
Cons
That beginner-friendly gentleness means they’re unlikely to be enough for wearers who prefer any significant pressure or intensity
Won’t fit people with larger nipples
The slider starts to rub off the coloured plating after a few uses
They don’t stay on particularly well and fall off at the slightest tug
Verdict
These are fine if you’re just after a pair of purely decorative nipple clamps or want to try something very gentle for your first time. However, they’re neither particularly functional nor particularly durable for anything more than that. If you like them or want to experiment more with nipple clamps, get a more robust pair of adjustable clamps or try clover clamps.
Day #22: Finger Vibe Sleeve
Box 22 contains a finger vibe sleeve. There’s a space to insert a bullet vibrator (such as the bullet vibe from Day 1, or any other bullet in your collection that fits) and a loop for your finger.
Product Info
Material: Silicone
Colour: Red
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes (but the bullet vibrator you use with it may or may not be, so check first!)
Size: 2.5″ long sleeve for bullet, 0.5″ diameter finger loop
Speeds/patterns: N/A
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube
Cleaning: Boiling, soap and water, or a 10% bleach solution
Pairs with the bullet vibrator from Day 1, allowing yet another way to use it
Offers a fun new way to explore fingering and hand sex, which I believe are wildly underrated sex acts and should be explored far more
Gentle texturing on the underside offers additional clitoral stimulation
Can reduce the physical effort of the giving partner during hand sex, which is useful if you suffer from pain or fatigue in your hands
Cons
The finger loop is tiny! It was snug on me, and I have small hands. Someone with larger hands doesn’t stand a chance using this
If your bullet vibrator isn’t super powerful, the silicone dampens the vibrations
Texturing could do with being a bit more pronounced
Verdict
This is a really nice addition to the kit at least in theory. However, it feels to me like the design was a bit rushed and basic things – is the finger loop large/stretchy enough to be comfortable, is the texturing pronounced enough to be felt by most users? – were missed.
Day #23: Under-Mattress Restraints
Today’s item is a set of under-mattress restraints with clips to attach cuffs at each corner. These four-way restraints are designed to fit under your mattress, which then anchors them in place. Use in conjunction with the wrist cuffs from Day 8 and the ankle cuffs from Day 18 for a full set of restraints.
Adjustable to use with all bed sizes, including my fabulous super-king
Great way to try bedroom bondage if you want to tie someone to the bed but don’t have a metal bed frame or other suitable hard points.
Easy to tuck them out of sight quickly if you need to without dismantling the whole set-up
Strong and sturdy material
Safe and easy introduction to bondage
Pairs with the cuffs in this set or, if you prefer, you can upgrade to better cuffs and continue using the restraint kit
Cons
I feel like the under-mattress restraints and pairs of cuffs should have been ONE item in the advent calendar, not three. Otherwise, no complaints.
Verdict
Overall, this is a great addition for the second-last day of the advent kit. I’m also pleasantly surprised to learn they will work with my giant bad, having assumed they wouldn’t. For people who are brand new to playing with bondage and restraint, they’re a safe and accessible place to start.
Day #24: Womanizer Liberty 2
Day 24’s box contains the second of this kit’s two premium products (the first being the We-Vibe Sync Lite from Day 9!) Namely, the Womanizer Liberty 2, a petite clitoral suction stimulator in a neat little travel case.
Product Info
Material: Plastic body and case, silicone nozzle
Colour: Black
Body safe? Yes
Waterproof: Yes, IPX 7 waterproof
Size: 4.5″ total length
Speeds/patterns: 8 intensity levels
Lube-compatible: Water-based lube
Cleaning: Soap and water or a 10% bleach solution, or remove the nozzle and boil-sterilise the nozzle only
Petite size makes it light and comfortable to hold
Removeable nozzle is easy to clean
Quieter than comparable models at the highest speeds
Two-way controls
5 year warranty should anything go wrong
Cons
Buttons are not always as responsive as they could be – sometimes I have to press twice to get the speed to change
Verdict
Yes yes yes yes. This is an excellent product and a great note to finish on! Honestly, as long as you like at least a few of the other things at least somewhat, this toy kinda makes the value of the entire kit.
Phew. And we’re done! Will I do this again next year? Probably! Until then, I’ll return you to the regular C&K content you know and love.
The Lovehoney Advent Calendar 2024 (24 Day) retails for £149 at Lovehoney UK and $199 at Lovehoney US, and contains £457/$530 worth of products! Move fast if you want one – these usually sell out by mid November.Thanks to Lovehoney for sending me the this set to review. All views are mine (with occasional input from Mr C&K!) Affiliate links appear in this post.
I’ve been wanting to do an Überlube review for ages, and the company was kind enough to send me not one but two samples of their silicone-based lube to try: their signature 55ml bottle and their Good to Go Traveler set. The latter comes with a refillable travel case (available in 10 different colour options) and one 15ml refill, and you can buy additional Good to Go refills as and when you need them.
I particularly like the Good to Go set for a couple of reasons. First, it’s super useful for popping into your bag or pocket for play parties, weekends away, or hot dates. Since it only contains 15ml of liquid, it’s also ideal for carry-on if you’re flying. 15ml might not sound like a lot of lube, particularly if you’ve got plenty of sexy shenanigans planned, but – as we’ll see shortly – it goes a surprisingly long way.
Überlube’s signature bottle and Good to Go refills are made from glass. The company states that this is because:
Glass is durable.
Glass is inert and impermeable – it’s what is used to store pharmateutical products over long periods of time. The bottles also feature a crimped top, ensuring that nothing can contaminate your lube once it is opened.
It looks nice on your nightstand. And it really does – the bottle reminds me of something that a miniature of a premium gin or vodka might come in.
As we have established, I am choosy about lube. There are numerous common ingredients I eschew, from glycerin and propylene glycol through to parabens, petroleum-derived ingredients, and desensitising agents such as benzocaine. This means that there are very few lube brands I can safely rely on, and those I prefer tend to be expensive.
Silicone lubes do not have some of the same issues as water-based products. They do not have osmolality issues and are pH-neutral, meaning they will not harm your body’s natural pH if you’re using them vaginally. And, since they contain no water, bacteria cannot thrive and these products do not require preservatives.
So what’s in Überlube and is it body-safe? Let’s look at the ingredients.
Dimethicone: this silicone-based polymer is commonly used in skincare products. It helps to condition and protect the skin by forming a barrier that reduces water loss. It has a low rate of absorption into the skin and experts believe it is safe for human use. In the US, it has been approved by the FDA.
Dimethiconal: another silicone-based liquid polymer that is used as a skin conditioner and to improve viscosity in silicone-based products. It, too, is considered to be a safe ingredient. As it is a large molecule, it does not penetrate the skin.
Cyclomethicone: a clear and odorless cosmetic-grade silicone that helps to give a product a silky texture. It’s controversial in some circles, but “the The Cosmetic Ingredient Review Expert Panel concluded that these ingredients are safe in the present practices of use and concentration” (Johnson, Bergfeld, Anderson et al 2012.)
Tocopheryl acetate (Vitamin E): a form of Vitamin E that appears in numerous cosmetics, skincare products, and supplements. It provides antioxidant benefits and can support overall skin health.
Überlube is registered as a medical device with the FDA. The company works closely with medical advisors, and the product is the lubricant of choice for many OB-GYNs.
Überlube is vegan and cruelty-free. It contains no animal-derived ingredients or animal testing used.
Überlube Review: Sensory Properties & Performance
Überlube is truly odorless and tasteless. I literally licked it off the back of my hand (not generally recommended, but the things I do for my readers!) and couldn’t taste it at all. If the taste or smell of even mild water-based lubes bothers you, Überlube might be a good choice for you. It’s also ideal if you need additional wetness for oral sex but want to smell and taste your partner’s body, not your lube.
Its texture is silky, smooth, and non-sticky. My skin feels soft, moisturised and hydrated after using Überlube – unsurprising considering that dimethicone, dimethiconal and tocopheryl acetate are all common skin moisturisers and conditioners.
I’m very sensitive to textures in general – neurodivergent life amirite? – which is one of the reasons I can’t really use most oil-based lubes. The sensation of them on my hands gives me the “ick.” My experience with silicone lubes has been mixed in this regard, with some working for me and others very much not. Überlube, I am happy to say, does not give me that gross oily feeling nor does it leave me wanting to run to the bathroom to wash it off as quickly as possible.
Bear in mind that you’ll need to wash really thoroughly afterwards to get silicone lubricant off your hands, genitals, and any other body parts it has found its way to. It doesn’t just rinse away like a water-based product will. I prefer to make time to jump in the shower after using silicone lube if at all possible.
The best thing about silicone lube? It lasts for-freaking-ever. Because it does not absorb into the body or dry up quickly, you really only need a small amount and it will last and last. This means that, though it might seem small, your little 55ml bottle will last you much longer than you think.
Other Uses for Silicone Lube
Did you know that silicone lubricants like Überlube aren’t just for sex? For example, many athletes swear by Überlube to prevent chafing when they are working out. Similarly, one writer tried it as a solution to thigh chafing when wearing dresses and skirts in the summer and reports that it worked beautifully and lasted all day.
The other recommended use for Überlube was as a skincare and haircare product. After seeing how it leaves my hands (and various other parts of me) feeling, I can definitely see myself reaching for it when my skin needs a little pick-me-up. It’s far too slippery for an all-over moisturiser, and silicone can cause problems for skin when used in excess, but it’s ideal for soothing smaller patches of dry or irritated skin.
It also works well for taming my hair. I can’t use too much of products like this because my hair is naturally quite oily, but a tiny little bit rubbed between my fingers and then run over the ends of my hair helps to smooth down frizz and add a little extra bounce and shine. Functionally it works very similarly to a standard hair serum. If anything, this stuff felt a little lighter than my usual serum of choice (Frizz Ease by John Frieda, if you were wondering.)
A truly versatile product!
What to Know About Using Silicone Lubricant
There are lots of advantages to silicone lube. There are also some things to be aware of if you haven’t used it before.
Silicone lube is longer-lasting than water-based lube and does not dry out quickly, making it ideal for activities where you need plenty of lube for a long period of time. I really like using it for fisting for this reason. Many people also swear by it for anal sex. Because it’s not water-soluble, it is an ideal choice if you are having sex in water.
You can use silicone lube for pretty much any sexual activity including vaginal, anal, oral, or hand sex. For oral sex, try not to ingest too much of the lube but also don’t worry about it too much because a little bit likely won’t do you any harm. It is best not to use silicone lube with silicone toys as it can damage them. However, you can use it with plastic, glass, treated wood, ceramic, aluminium, or stainless steel toys.
Always, always, always check your lube’s compatibility if you are using any sexual health barriers such as condoms, dams, or gloves. Überlube is compatible with natural rubber latex and polyisoprene but not with polyurethane barriers, but not all brands will necessarily be the same.
If you spill any silicone lube on the floor, wipe it up immediately. It is very, very slippery and can make surfaces dangerous if you don’t (#askmehowIknow.) It can also stain your sheets if you spill it on the bed. Putting a towel down before you start can protect your sheets and save on cleanup time.
Überlube Review: Verdict
I love this lube! Love it love it love it. My travel set is going to be going in my bag for every play party, weekend getaway or sexy date from now on. It feels great, and its lack of smell and taste make it completely unobtrusive. And as an added bonus, it even has additional uses as a haircare and anti-chafing product.
Überlube retails for £17 for 55ml or £26 for 112ml in a Signature Bottle. A Good to Go Traveler set retails for £15, and refills are £17 for two cartridges.
I’ll leave you with this gem from Mr C&K: “Überlube!? Did it arrive by taxi!?”
Thank you to Überlube for supporting this review with a free sample of their product! This Überlube review contains affiliate links. All views, as always, are mine.
The vast majority of the lubricants I use, test, and recommend are water-based. This is because water-based lube goes with everything. However, I do enjoy trying different things sometimes! I recently reviewed Vibeology’s Pure Organic Water Based Lube, which I loved. Along with it, I also received a bottle of their Blend Hybrid Lube.
Let’s find out if it’s as good as its water-based counterpart.
What is Hybrid Lube and What Are Its Benefits?
Hybrid lube is, essentially, a combinated of water-based and silicone-based. In some situations and for some users, hybrid lubes can offer the best of both worlds. You get the natural feel of a water-based product, coupled with the ultra-smooth and long-lasting properties of silicone lube. They can also be easier to clean up than pure silicone lubes (though there’s still the risk of staining your sheets if you spill it, so consider putting a towel down.)
Some people also find that hybrid lube is less likely to damage silicone sex toys. I still recommend using caution and doing a patch test first, though, as this is not an exact science.
Hybrid lubes (or pure silicone lubes) can be a good choice if you’re having sex in water. This is because the silicone will not wash away anywhere near as quickly and easily as a water-based product would.
Vibeology Blend Hybrid Lube: What’s In It?
The most important element of any lubricant is its ingredients list. Let’s have a look at what’s in Vibeology Blend:
Purified water
Cyclopentasiloxane: A clear and odourless lightweight silicone. Some studies have linked this substance to cancers and reproductive harm in animal studies. This gives me pause, though two studies have shown that very little of the chemical penetrates the skin in humans, negating its possible endocrine-disrupting side effects. In general, it is considered safe for cosmetic use, though there is not an absolute consensus on this.
Dimethicone: This silicone-based polymer is commonly used in skincare products. It helps to condition and protect the skin by forming a barrier that reduces water loss. It has a low rate of absorption into the skin and experts believe it is safe for human use. In the US, it has been approved by the FDA.
Dimethiconol: Another silicone-based liquid polymer that is used as a skin conditioner and to improve viscosity in silicone-based products. As it is a large molecule, it does not penetrate the skin and is likely a safe ingredient.
PEG-8 Dimethicone: A synthetic emollient that can lock in moisture and help to keep skin hydrated. It is generally safe.
Propanediol: I did a deep dive into this one for my Wicked Simply Aqua review. Executive summary: various sources say that it is an alternative to propylene glycol. Some say it is safer than propylene glycol, others say it has basically the same effects in the body. The key difference is that it is derived from corn and its production is less environmentally damaging. These ingredients raise osmolality, which can cause irritation. Some sources also link them to an increased risk of yeast infections and UTIs.
Hydroxyethyl Cellulose: A plant-derived gelling and thickening agent thought to be safe and not to hinder sperm motility.
Sodium Benzoate: A food-grade preservative that is likely harmless in small quantities.
Potassium Sorbate: Another food-safe preservative that is fine in low concentrations.
Disodium EDTA: This is another one I’ve looked into for a past post. It is a stabilising agent that numerous sources sources mark as an ingredient of concern. It is also a penetration enhancer, which means it facilitates the absorption of various compounds through mucus membrances (such as the vagina or anus,) and can cause irritation.
Citric Acid: Yet another preservative, also likely harmless in small quantities.
I don’t love this.
I was really hopeful about this lube after how much I loved Vibeology Blend. However, the potential issues associated with disodium EDTA and propanediol concern me a lot, particularly when it comes to any kind of internal use.
There’s nothing here that is an immediate and unqualified “EXTREMELY TOXIC, RUN AWAY” red flag, but my vulva is prone to sensitivity and easy irritation, so I tend to be very cautious about my lube ingredients.
Vibeology Blend Hybrid Lube is vegan and cruelty-free.
Performance and Sensory Profile
I’m disappointed about those couple of worrying ingredients, because I actually really love the feel and usability of Vibeology Blend. It flows well thanks to its very thin consistency, spreads easily, and lasts really well. You really only need a tiny bit at a time.
This lube feels smooth and non-sticky on my skin. I do find that it leaves a slight residue behind after use, but it’s mostly just that my skin feels extra smooth and slippery until I’ve washed it off.
Blend Hybrid Lube has a very mild, slightly tangy scent and a similar taste. It’s unobtrustive to use, and works with rather than against my body’s natural lubrication.
Clean-up is more of a hassle than it is with water-based lubes, but easier than it is with pure silicone. With warm water and soap, this lube washes off my body quickly and easily. (Don’t spill it all over your desk and keyboard when you’re writing a review, though. Ask me how I know.)
Verdict
Great in-use performance and sensory profile, but I cannot get past those questionable ingredients enough to recommend this one. As always, risk profiles are personal and yours may be different from mine. If you’re happy with the risk profile of the ingredients I’ve highlighted, this is a versatile and useable lube. Personally, though, I’m unlikely to use it again.
Finding good lubes is hard. It shouldn’t be, but it is. So many of the products on the market – not just those sold in chemists and supermarkets, but also those sold by specialist sex shops – are full of gross ingredients that can make lubricants anything from unpleasant to downright toxic to use. There are a very small number of lubes I totally trust at this point, and my vulva has experienced first-hand the effects of just grabbing whichever one is nearest. That’s why I tend to take my own when I go on sexy dates or to play parties. So when I read the ingredients list of Vibeology’s Pure Organic Water-Based Lube, I was excited to try it.
Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based Lube: What’s In It?
At first glance, nothing in this lube’s ingredients list gave me any concerns. Let’s take a closer look at what’s inside:
Purified water
Organic Aloe Barbadensis (Aloe Vera) leaf juice: A powerful skin-friendly ingredient which has hydrating, soothing, and irritation-reducing properties.
Hydroxyethyl cellulose: A plant-derived gelling and thickening agent that is thought not to hinder sperm motility. One source I read indicated that this ingredient might increase the risk of yeast infections in some users. However, I could not find a definitive scientific source to back this up.
Sodium benzoate: A food-grade preservative that is used in tiny quantities in lube and unlikely to be harmful.
Potassium sorbate: Another food-grade preservative likely to be harmless in these small quantities.
Citric acid: A preservative that also helps to balance the pH of a lubricant and is broadly considered harmless in small quantities.
Carrageenan: A common food additive extracted from red seaweed. It is somewhat controversial in food but I could not find any evidence to suggest it is harmful in a lubricant. Interestingly, there is some evidence that carrageenan may play a role in reducing transmission of human papillomavirus (HPV). Obviously you shouldn’t rely on this alone and should also practice safer sex! It is also unclear whether the tiny amount of carrageenan present in lubes like Vibeology Pure is sufficient to have this effect.
Hyaluronic acid: Occuring naturally in the body, hyaluronic acid has been highly prized in skincare for many years due to its ability to hydrate by binding with water. Research indicates that it is safe to use and can be an effective intervention for vaginal dryness.
Sodium ascorbyl phosphate: A stabilised form of vitamin C which acts as an antioxidant and helps with skin elasticity. Widely believed to be safe.
Overall, this is an excellent ingredient profile for a lube. Unless you’re allergic or sensitive to any of the ingredients, you should be able to use Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based Lube free from worry.
Vibeology Pure is vegan, cruelty-free, certified organic, and hypoallergenic. It is also dermatologist-tested and manufactured in an FDA-approved facility in the US. This lube is compatible with both latex and non-latex condoms and safe to use with all sex toy materials including silicone.
Sensory Properties and Performance
When it comes to selecting a lube, the ingredients are the most important piece of the puzzle but not the whole story. The product’s feel, texture, smell, taste, and consistency – as well as what residue it leaves behind, if any – are almost as important.
The first thing I noticed when I squeezed Vibeology Pure lube out of the bottle was how thick it is. Unusually for a water-based product, it’s not particularly runny. It’s really bordering on being more of a gel than a liquid. In practice, I found this meant I needed less of it than I would need of a runnier lube. I also found it lasted a little longer and I needed to reapply it less often. Some people find that gel-like lubes are preferable for anal play, in particular.
Vibeology Pure Organic Water-Based Lube is also the closest to a genuinely taste-free water-based lubricant I have ever tried. Even when I licked a huge glob of it off my hand (not the recommended way to use lube, but the things I do for my readers!), I could taste virtually nothing. It does have a slight scent, but it’s a mild and not-unpleasant tang that likely comes from the aloe.
Vibeology Pure is non-sticky, and did not leave behind any residue on either my skin or my sheets. Once it dried on my skin, only the very slight lingering scent gave any indication it had ever been there. I really like the way it feels, which is super smooth and glide-y. It does not irritate my sometimes-finnicky vulva. It also washes away quickly without a trace with soap and water after use.
Verdict
This is an excellent lube! Body-safe, silky smooth, taste-free, and filled with nourishing ingredients. I can heartily recommend Vibeology Pure Water-Based Lube if you’re looking for a gentle and body-friendly lubricant that won’t break the bank, irritate your bits, or stain your sheets! It’s a particularly good choice if you’re looking for something a bit thicker than the more typical runny consistency of water-based lubes.
Thanks to Shevibe for sending me this lube to test and review! All views and experiences are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post and shopping with them sends me a small commission at no additional cost to you.
Do you enjoy the sensation, or the idea, of having someone ejaculate inside you or on your body? Getting aroused by bodily fluids such as semen (cum) is very common. You might think that you need a partner to enjoy this particular kink, but that’s not necessarily true. Enter ejaculating dildos.
Ejaculating dildos, also known as squirting dildos, are designed to squirt a liquid out of the tip in a way that mimics a bio-cock ejaculating. They typically have a bulb, syringe, or similar receptacle inside which you can fill with liquid, and then a tube that connects this to the head of the toy. There will be something you can press or squeeze to have the toy ejaculate when you want it to.
Why Use an Ejaculating Dildo?
Playing with bodily fluids such as cum can be extremely hot. However, it also carries some risks including STI transmission and unwanted pregnancy if you are a person who can get pregnant. You may not be willing or able to take those risks, or only be willing to take them within a very specific relational context. They also require a partner or partners. If you’re single or not in a relationship where fluid exchange is part of your dynamic, an ejaculating dildo can be an accessible and safe alternative.
In addition, ejaculating dildos allow you to experiment with and indulge various kinks, fetishes, and fantasies. We’ll look at some of those in more detail below.
How to Choose and Set Up an Ejaculating Dildo
Many ejaculating dildos are still made out of unsafe materials such as jelly, PVC and latex. These materials are porous and often contain toxic additives such as phthalates, which should not be going anywhere near your body. Always look for an ejaculating dildo made from a body-safe material, typically silicone. Consider the size, shape, texturing, and aesthetic preferences that work for you, too.
Good ejaculating dildos are easy to set up, though the specifics will vary product to product. Manufacturers usually provide instructions along with their toys. Typically you’ll need to suck up your chosen liquid into the bulb or syringe and then reattach it to the tube and the toy.
It’s also important to learn how to clean your ejaculating dildo properly. Leaving liquids such as lube inside your toy can breed bacteria and may damage the toy or lead to an infection. Again, follow the manufacturer’s instructions here. In general, silicone can be boil-sterilised for a thorough cleaning. Plastic components can be cleaned with warm water and a gentle antibacterial soap or with a body-safe sterile wipe (I buy these from an online medical supplies store.) Take particular care in creases, crevices and small parts where fluids can build up.
Which Kinds of Lube Are Best?
The most common liquid to use with an ejaculating dildo is lubricant. You have a few different options to choose from here, and it depends what your main goals are in using an ejaculating dildo.
If you want to simulate the feeling of a bio-cock ejaculating as closely as possible, then “cum lube” (which is designed to mimic the look, colour and consistency of cum) is your friend. Remember to pay attention to the ingredients if the lube is going to be going inside you. Avoid ingredients like glycerin, propylene glycol, and parabens. If the lube is just going to stay on the outside of your body, this is less of a concern.
If your toy is silicone, do not use a silicone-based lube as it may damage the toy.
What Kinks and Fetishes Can You Explore with Ejaculating Dildos?
Everyone who is into ejaculating dildos enjoys them in different ways and for different reasons. But if you’re curious, here are a few of the kinks, fetishes and fantasies you can explore or play out using them.
Simultaneous Climax
In reality, both partners reaching orgasm at the same time during penetrative (vaginal or anal) sex is difficult to achieve. I advocate against making it a goal, because chasing it can just stress you out and take the fun out of things.
However, if you want to feel someone ejaculate inside you at the same moment that you climax, you can easily simulate this with an ejaculating dildo. Simply press the bulb or syringe at the right moment.
Threesomes or Group Sex
Threesomes and group sex are incredibly common fantasies, but not everyone can (or wants to) act them out in reality. However, you can simulate some aspects of the experience using toys.
For example, perhaps you’re into the idea of double penetration and having both partners ejaculate inside you at the same time. If so, using an ejaculating dildo along with being penetrated by your partner, and pressing the button on the dildo at the same moment that they climax, can provide a similar physical sensation. And if you’re single or playing solo, there’s nothing to stop you using two ejaculating dildos at the same time (though this might require some impressive physical dexterity but if you can pull it off, have at it!)
Cuckolding or Chastity
Chastity refers to restricting or inhibiting someone’s ability to orgasm, either through instructions or a physical barrier such as a chastity device. Cuckolding refers to getting turned on by your partner having sexual experiences with others, often as part of a submission or humiliation kink.
Ejaculating dildos can be a great addition to these kinks and fantasies without the need to involve third parties. For example, you can make your cuckold partner watch without touching themselves while your dildo ejaculates inside you. Adding dirty talk can make the experience feel even hotter and more authentic.
Bukkake
Bukkake refers to multiple people ejaculating onto the body or face of another person. It’s a surprisingly common fetish! Ejaculating dildos can be a safe and simple way to explore this kink, enjoying the physical sensation of having cum on your body and the fantasy of multiple partners ejaculating over you.
Impregnation
Impregnation kinks are also surprisingly common. This refers to being turned on by the idea of someone getting you pregnant.
The majority of people with this kink do not actually want to become pregnant, and certainly not every time they have sex. Many people play with it by having trusted partners ejaculate inside them without barriers while using birth control. Another easy way to play with this kink without the risk of actual pregnancy is to use an ejaculating dildo.
What Do YOU Like About Ejaculating Dildos?
With any kink, the most interesting question to me is always “what appeals about this to you?”. So ask yourself why you’re drawn to ejaculating dildos. What is it about them that you like? What fantasy or interest do they hit? Your reasons might not be the same as anyone else’s, and that’s great. Sex and kink are, after all, spaces of infinite variety.
Thanks to Nothosaur for sponsoring this post! Check out their range of ejaculating dildos, fantasy toys, and much more. All views and writing mine. Images and GIFs kindly provided by Nothosaur.
Choosing lube should not be as much of a minefield as it is. Many lubricants still contain numerous toxic or otherwise harmful ingredients such as parabens, propylene glycol, glycerine, benzocaine, and petroleum-derived ingredients. And, of course, sex toy and lube safety do not feature in any sex ed curriculum that I know of.
I’m very choosy about lube, mostly to protect my vaginal health. I’ve had too many experiences of reaching for some random bottle of lube at a sex party or on a lover’s bedside table only to have to go and rapidly wash it off due to an adverse reaction to some ingredient or other.
At the current time, there are three brands of water-based lube I reach for on a regular basis: Sliquid, Wylde One, and Bloomi. I rotate others in occasionally (such as my fave CBD-infused lube and a silicone-based one I like when I’m not using silicone toys), but those three are my staples. When I go to play parties or on sex dates, I bring my own. As I said, I’m picky.
When I’m considering trying a new lube, the first place I go is to the ingredients list. The second place I go is to the internet to research any ingredients I’m not familiar with.
So what’s in Simply Aqua water-based lube?
Water
Propanediol (corn): the various sources I read tell me that this is an alternative to propylene glycol, with the key difference that it is derived from corn and its production is less environmentally damaging. The jury’s out on how similar its effects are in the body – some say it is safer, others say it functions basically identically to propylene glycol. These ingredients raise osmolality, which can cause dryness, irritation, and may increase the risk of yeast infections in people with vaginas. According to a fantastic in-depth post by fellow blogger Phallophile Reviews, many lubes – including this one – have an osmolality over the safe limit recommended by the World Health Organisation.
Cellulose gum (cotton seed): a safe plant-derived thickening agent.
Hydroxyethylcellulose (tree bark): a plant-derived gelling and thickening agent. Lubes with this ingredient can be a good choice for people trying to conceive as it does not hinder sperm motility.
Disodium EDTA: a stabilising agent that numerous sources sources mark as an ingredient of concern. It is a penetration enhancer, which means it facilitates the absorption of various compounds through mucus membrances (such as the vagina or anus.) It can also cause irritation.
Olea Europaea (olive) leaf extract: a safe ingredient that is rich in antioxidants and may have positive benefits for the skin.
Stevia Rebaudiana leaf/stem extract: a common plant-derived sweetener that is not a sugar and will not have the negative effects of sugars on the genitals. It may also have some skincare benefits when used topically.
Citric acid: this is commonly used in lube to balance the pH to more accurately mimic the body’s. It is also a preservative. Some sources say to be wary of this ingredient, while others say it is likely harmless in the tiny quantities that appear in lubricants.
Sodium benzoate: a food-grade preservative that is likely harmless in the small quantities used in lube.
Potassium sorbate: Another food-safe preservative which can be an irritant in higher concentrations but is likely used in such trace amounts here as to be harmless.
Yeah, it’s not looking great for this lube. The natural ingredients with beneficial properties, such as the stevia and olive extracts, are positives. However, the use of propanediol and disodium EDTA give me serious pause.
Wicked Simply Aqua is suitable for vegans and certified cruelty-free. It is also pH balanced for vaginal use.
Sensory Properties & Performance In Use
It’s a real shame about Simply Aqua’s couple of questionable ingredients. Those aside, I actually really liked its sensory profile and performance. It has a nice medium-thin consistency, flows well, and a little goes a long way. It is also non-sticky, doesn’t leave a tacky residue behind, and won’t stain your sheets.
Its scent is mild and only really noticeable if I have my nose very close to the product. What scent there is, I can best describe as tangy and mildly citrussy. Its taste is surprisingly sweet, which I imagine is due to the stevia.
It feels nice, lasts well (for a water-based product, which will always need reapplying eventually), and works well with my body’s natural lubrication.
Verdict
Sadly I cannot recommend this one.
Despite its nice sensory properties and solid performance, the ingredients are too problematic. Of course, your acceptable risk profile may be different from mine. My vulva is very sensitive and prone to reacting badly to irritation. For that reason, I tend to be highly cautious about my lube ingredients.
As always, I’m only giving you my personal opinion and experience. And this time, my opinion is that there are plenty of better, body-friendlier lubes out there that you should buy instead. Try:
One of the fun things about being both a femme and a sex blogger at this time of year is seeing all the sweet, cutesy, pink-and-hearts-and-flowers themed products that companies are putting out for Valentine’s Day. Bijoux Indiscrets were kind enough to send me this year’s Valentine’s offering from their range: the Bubblegum Play Kit.
Bijoux Indiscrets Bubblegum Play Kit
The Bubblegum Play Kit contains three products: a warming massage oil, a full-body massage gel that doubles as a water-based lube, and a lipgloss. Each one is scented and flavoured like bubblegum. All three products, like everything in Bijoux’s range, are vegan.
The kit came packaged in a cute pink box with a heart on the front, much like the packaging you might get on a gift set of cosmetics or bath products. The overall effect, like the products themselves, is sweet to the point of saccharine. But how did the contents stack up? Let’s take a closer look at each item.
Warming Massage Oil
This isn’t really an oil in the true sense of the word. As far as I can tell, it doesn’t actually contain any oil at all. It’s really a water-based gel that warms as you massage it in. Still, we’ll call it “massage oil” to distinguish it from the other massage product in this kit.
For me, it takes about a minute to feel the massage oil warming on my skin. You’ll get a more intense warming sensation if you blow gently on it.
I found that it didn’t really blend or get fully absorbed into the skin the way some massage oils do. Instead, it tends to linger on the surface. This can be a good thing, as a little bit goes a long way and there’s no need to keep reapplying it. However, it can also be a problem if you don’t enjoy the feeling of having oil or gel lingering on your skin.
This is by far the nicest tasting of the three products. It’s very, very, very sweet, so you’ll want to know that going on. That sweetness is likely due to its first ingredient: glycerin. Due to the glycerin, I found that my hands and skin felt quite sticky after using it and I wanted to wash it off.
Stickiness aside, though, this is a fine massage gel and the sweet bubblegum taste and pink aesthetic gives it a fun and playful vibe.
You can buy this gel separately for €22. It’s also available in caramel & sea salt and strawberry & honey flavours.
Full Body Massage Gel/Lube
According to Bijoux Indiscrets, this water-based massage gel can double up as an intimate lubricant. It has quite a long list of ingredients, so you’ll want to review it carefully to make sure there’s nothing you’re sensitive to.
I can’t see anything alarming in the ingredients, but I’m also not enough of an expert to declare them all definitely fine. At the very least this gel/lube contains no glycerin or parabens, though it does contain “Aroma” (artificial fragrance/flavour) which is not very specific and can include any number of things.
I do quite like the feeling of this one. It’s somewhere between a thick liquid and a thin gel, and it spreads across the skin nicely and lasts well. However, unlike the massage oil, this gel tastes really unpleasant to me. Instead of sweetness, it’s got a horrible chemical-y taste. I’m quite sensitive to artificial sweeteners and I can really, really taste them in this.
I probably won’t finish this one, honestly. I’m “meh” on flavoured lubes at best to begin with and this isn’t a nice tasting one.
Oral Pleasure Lip Gloss
This lip gloss is more subtly flavoured than the other two products in the set, but still has a distinctive bubblegum flavour. It’s not quite as sweet as the massage oil (which is probably a good thing for a product that goes directly on your mouth!)
After you apply it, you start getting a tingling sensation thanks to the peppermint oil it contains. I think, based on the name, the idea is that you put it on and then perform oral sex with it. I haven’t had the opportunity to try that but I did try putting a bit on my vulva, just to see what the effect would be. It gave a kinda pleasurable tingly, warming feeling a bit like a warming lube or menthol pleasure balm. So that effect might translate if you used it during oral?
The warming and tingling is really noticeable on my lips, to the point that it becomes uncomfortable if I use too much. You really only need a little bit of this one.
This lipgloss lasts well and gives a nice glossy shine. It’s a little sticky, which wasn’t a problem once it was on but made applying it with my fingers annoying. A brush or wand would be better than the pump top bottle.
Verdict
I generally liked two out of the three products in this kit and will definitely finish them. However, at €60 it’s pretty pricey for what it is. For that reason I don’t think I’d buy it again.
If you have a femme in your life who really likes pink things and bubblegum, though, it could be a cute and sensual Valentine’s Day gift.
Thanks to Bijoux Indiscrets for sending me this product to review! All views are, as always, my own. Affiliate links appear in this post.
Two things you’ll know about me if you have been reading my work for some time: I am both highly curious and highly cynical. This means that, when I hear about a cool new sex thing, my brain goes “it’s probably not all it’s cracked up to be… but damn I want to try it and find out!” Enter CBD lube, which (along with CBD products in general) has been having a major moment over the last couple years.
You might remember this guest post by Hattie Gladwell from back in 2021 in which she shared how CBD lubricant helped her to overcome orgasm difficulties.
So when Morgasm reached out and offered me a sample of their CBD-infused lube, obviously I was a “fuck yes” for that.
What is CBD?
Cannabidiol (CBD) is one of the main components of cannabis and comes from hemp (a cousin of the marijuana plant.) CBD is available in various forms: oils, extracts, capsules, and so on. It’s been infused into numerous products, from foods and drinks to health and beauty products and more.
CBD does not contain tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the psychoactive ingredient in cannabis that causes a “high.” This means that it is legal in many places even where cannabis is not, including here in the UK. According to Harvard Health, CBD is generally safe for adults. However, it can produce adverse interactions with some medications (check with your doctor), may cause side effects in a small number of people, and is not advised for use by anyone under 21.
How Does CBD Lube Work?
It’s cited as a miracle remedy for countless problems from chronic pain to low mood and insomnia. And in some areas at least, the positive data points are beginning to stack up. In others, however, the evidence just isn’t there yet. The science of CBD and its effectiveness is still in its infancy in many areas, including in the sex space.
Much of the evidence I could find for the effectiveness of CBD lube was anecdotal. According to one survey, 68% of 1000 participants who tried CBD said it improved their sex life. Obviously anecdotal evidence is far from conclusive, but there’s enough of it out there that it’s at least worth more than a passing glance.
Scientifically-speaking, a few of the commonly cited potential effects and benefits of CBD lube include:
Increasing blood flow to the genital area, which can increase sensitivity and physiological responses to arousal (such as wetness)
Reducing discomfort during sex due to CBD’s anti-inflammatory properties
Aiding in muscle relaxation, including around the genital area
But when it comes to CBD lube and its benefits, to what extent is any of this a placebo and to what extent is the CBD actually having a direct effect? The bottom line is that right now we don’t really know. But it’s an intriguing enough area that I hope we’ll see more studies over the next few years.
Morgasm CBD Lube: What’s In It?
Morgasm’s CBD lube is a water-based lubricant infused with 250mg of CBD per 50ml. It contains an array of plant-based and hypoallergenic ingredients including mentha piperita (peppermint leaf extract), the amino acid L-Arginine, aloe vera, and vanilla extract. Check out the ingredients breakdown for a full list of what’s in Morgasm lube and what each ingredient does.
Morgasm CBD lube is vegan and not tested on animals. It is also safe for use with both latex and non-latex barriers as well as all body-safe sex toy materials.
A Quick Note on Glycerin
The only ingredient on Morgasm’s list that gives me pause is “organic kosher vegatable glycerin.” It has long been cited that glycerin(e), a sugar alcohol, can contribute towards the development of yeast infections. However, some sources are now saying that this may not be entirely accurate, or at least that it may not be that simple.
I couldn’t find any definitive scientific literature either way. Personally, I’m still going to be avoiding glycerin-containing products internally until I see proof that they’re not harmful to the vagina. Unlike many glycerin-containing lubes, however, Morgasm CBD Lube isn’t sticky and doesn’t leave an unpleasant tacky residue on my skin. This means I’m happy to use it externally. You’ll need to make your own risk assessment based on your body and preferences.
Morgasm CBD Lube: First Impressions:
I had two initial reactions to Morgasm’s CBD lube when I first opened my sample:
It smells gorgeous! It has a distinctive but not overpowering tangy, subtly minty scent. That’s probably the peppermint leaf at work. Taste-wise, that tang and slight sweetness comes through too.
It’s a really, really weird colour! It comes out of the tube in a sort of beige-brown. I initially wondered if my sample was off but no, that’s just the colour it is. It’s not noticeable once it’s applied to the body, but it was jarring at first. I’m used to lube being clear, or white at a push.
So How Did It Feel?
I was deeply cynical about this product, folks. Really, I cannot express that enough. I went in fully assuming that my reaction was going to be a severely underwhelmed “well, it’s lube, so that’s good I guess?”
So imagine my shock and delight on discovering that it actually, genuinely works for me!
I applied the lube a few minutes before I was planning to masturbate, as the information I’d read indicated that topically-applied CBD can take a while to kick in. I was slightly aroused when I started, but I could feel my vulva and clit getting really sensitive really quickly once I applied the lube.
When I started masturbating, I couldn’t believe how sensitive I was. The best way I can describe it is that it felt like I’d shortcutted the build-up, essentially arriving at the “every nerve ending quivering” state that normally comes from protracted arousal building, anticipation, or edging.
The bottom line is that I came really hard and really fast.
Again, I have no way to conclusively prove or disprove that this effect was caused by the CBD. It could have been, or it could have been any of the other ingredients (mint, for example, is commonly used in arousal-enhancing products for the cooling and tingling sensation it provides.) It could have been the combination, or it could have been a placebo despite my cynicism. No way to know for sure.
But also… if something works, does it actually matter all that much? Whatever the cause, the orgasm I had was real. And when something helps me to cum that hard and that quickly, I’m going to take the win.
Morgasm CBD Lube left my skin feeling soft and healthy, with a hint of that minty scent. I didn’t feel a need to rush to the bathroom and wash it off, which – for my neurodivergent and highly sensorily-sensitive self – is an achievement in itself.
Verdict
I don’t really understand how it worked, I only know that it did. This stuff gave me one of the strongest (not to mention fastest) solo orgasms I’ve had in quite some time.
The one downside? Like most CBD products, it’s seriously pricey. Morgasm CBD lube retails for a slightly eyewatering $54 for a single 60ml tube. You can save by buying in bulk packs of 2, 3, 4, or 10 tubes, but it’s still an expensive product.
It should tell you how much I liked it that I am seriously considering splashing out on a full-size tube or two.
Thanks to Morgasm for sending me this product to test and review. All opinions and experiences are, as always, mine. Affiliate links appear in this post.
